College girl, every time she goes shopping with her mother, they have arguments and fights. What should she do?

Dear classmate, I saw your request for help and I really hope that my reply can help and support you.

You've already gone to university, experienced so much, and are so mature and stable. Right now, I feel like I'm still a bit of a child, needing your nurturing and company. I really admire you! I'm sure that after you went to university, I had a hard time, missed you, tried to pay back the debt, and didn't understand Dad.

And you became a sounding board for your mother's emotions, a safe place for her to share her feelings. Releasing emotions has made you bear a lot. You are still a child, but you bravely maintain a boundary with your mother. Everyone has their own destiny, and we should respect our parents and submit to their destiny.

After going through the economic crisis, I'm sure it was really tough for you. I know your family members were there for you every step of the way, supporting you in ways you might not even realize. You did so well to get through it all. Your mother made sacrifices, but so did your father.

Your mom needs your love and support more than ever right now, and it's so important to recognize her efforts and not resent your dad.

Your mom and dad love you so much! They take a holistic view of family matters and both shoulder their responsibilities. They have paid off the debt, which is so great! We all make mistakes, and you can't impose your own grievances on others. Try to see the value and meaning of this matter.

It's so important to maintain boundaries and respect your parents' decisions. It's the best way to show them love and gratitude. You're going to university, which is such an exciting time! It's also a challenging period, with lots of academic pressure and your mother's moods to navigate. While you may have some mixed feelings about your father, it's essential to remember there's so much more to life than that. Let's keep our hearts calm and our spirits happy, so we can embrace this ever-changing world with open arms!

Your parents were able to come out of difficult situations and shoulder family responsibilities, which is something we can all learn from. You're so mature, stable, and full of spirit! And you're not afraid to make changes when you need to. I admire that in people. Do you agree?

You've got this! Break free from your parents' control and judgments, and be brave enough to be yourself. I'm rooting for you!

Every child has to learn to be independent. This is a lifelong task.

You have your own feelings. When you argue with your mother, you are saying no to her and trying to reject her influence.

"More than a thousand kilometers away from home" shows you want to escape. You say the distance between home and university is important.

You also talked about how people want to be separate from their parents.

After the Yang Kang, you didn't want to go shopping with your mother. I don't know if this has happened before.

You need to think about the first time you didn't want to go shopping with your mother. This is the first time you tried to do your own thing.

You're preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam and want to stay home to study.

Your mother likes shopping for fashionable fabrics. You and she have different interests.

You are preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam to improve your social status. Your mother likes to look at fashionable fabrics in shopping malls.

The look and feel of the fabric.

Your mother tried to fit in with the crowd to find her identity.

He gained a sense of position by comparing himself to others. But external references can leave a person feeling empty.

She looked at fabrics and styles to fill herself with sensual material.

You also played a similar role when you shopped with her. She felt empty or insecure when she shopped alone.

He needed you because you gave him a sense of identity.

That's why you argued with him. You didn't feel right.

You may not know where these feelings come from.

Your father's financial failure showed that the family lacked support. Many feelings and experiences were not consolidated.

It's easy to get stuck in a feeling. So your father tried to gain wealth.

This is like your exam, both about escaping a position. This failure shows the emptiness in your family.

Your mother said you and your brother would be sleeping on the street if it weren't for her. This is narcissistic.

They took credit for paying off the debt to fill their own narcissism. This emptiness in your family is probably a narcissistic void.

Narcissism, low self-esteem, and a lack of self-cohesion.

It's easy to avoid your feelings. Not having real feelings can make you feel empty. You might not know what you want.

There was no reason to want it.

You hate your father, which shows you identify with your mother. You are in a state of being taken over by her.

Your mother's emotions took over, and you lost yourself. You're not very empathetic.

You were more likely to take care of your mother's emotions.

College showed you the problems in your family. What's going on?

Why did everything seem fine in high school, but then become difficult in college? This is something you'll need to think about.

There are many books about mother-daughter relationships. You can find some on Taobao.

"Electra vs. Oedipus," "The Bond of Maternal Love," and "Transcend the Mother-Daughter Relationship That Torments You." Related introductions on Douban.

Hello, dear girl!

After reading your question, I can see that you're growing up and going through a lot of changes. It's totally normal to have conflicts with your mom when you go shopping together.

I'd be delighted to go through this with you, and I really hope it will be a little comforting and inspiring for you.

1. Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with your mother.

Such mother-daughter conflicts are totally normal in families!

Mothers like to take their little ones shopping, and you used to love it too! But as you grow up, you'll have your own ideas and want to save as much as possible.

So, you see, the enthusiasm and feelings we invest in shopping will be very different from before.

It's just that later on, if you upset your mother and she ignores you, it can make you feel a little bad.

This is what we often refer to as the love-hate relationship between mother and daughter, which is totally normal!

I'm so happy you asked this question! Self-differentiation is a core concept in Bowen family systems theory.

It's all about being able to tell the difference between your own emotions and those of others, and to manage them both.

In the family, we are very close to our mothers, and at the same time, we need to identify which are our mother's emotions and which are our own. It can be tricky, but you've got this!

Let's learn how to reduce the impact of your mother's emotions or demands on you.

You can remember that now your mom wants to go shopping together and she's even willing to dress you up! But, it's really about her own needs.

It's so important to find a way to make ourselves more comfortable between our own feelings and our mother's needs.

Mothers may not be ready for you to become independent and gradually separate from them, which is totally understandable!

It's totally normal to feel conflicted with our mothers. It's a process of leaving our mothers' control and psychologically separating from them.

2. Learn to take responsibility for your emotions, my friend.

I know it can be tough, but try to remember that your discomfort and irritability are largely caused by your mother.

It's okay, the events that happen are not the most important thing. We can't change them, but we can change the way we think about them.

When we were little, we often saw our parents get upset and thought it was our fault.

Or if a parent tells a child, "You make me so angry," the child will agree, feel guilty, and blame themselves.

When we become adults, it's so important to learn to distinguish between what is our own problem and what is an emotion that our parents need to deal with.

Emotional independence means:

It's so important to remember that both parents and children have the right to be unhappy, and they can all be responsible for their own emotions.

We all get irritated sometimes, and it might even be because of our mom. But the truth is, we're the ones responsible for our own emotions.

Let's try to blame our mothers less, okay?

Just like getting dressed, you are also involved. You can't blame your mom entirely, sweetheart.

Just think about it for a second. Who would want to look at someone who's giving others the cold shoulder?

On the other hand, if your mom slams doors or ignores you, that's her emotion, and she also needs to take responsibility for her emotions.

It's also okay to feel a little disappointed by your mom.

For example, she might spend less time shopping with you in the future.

You have so many other things to do, etc.

3. Try to let go of your frustration and anger in a way that feels good for you.

We all get irritated sometimes, it's only natural!

We all get impatient sometimes! It's only natural to scowl when you're feeling frustrated.

If your mom can recognize that it's your own emotion, give you some space, and let you take a little time to calm down, and she's okay with it, do you think it would make a difference?

But we all have blind spots, don't we?

Mothers may also be going through a lot, which is why they're treating you this way.

This is how the current cycle forms.

Since we can recall and recognize these issues, it's so great to see that change is already quietly taking place!

First, just relax and be yourself.

If you don't think violent methods such as "kicking the door and smashing the wall" are good, don't worry! There are plenty of other ways you can get your feelings out.

For example, you could try some deep breathing, a nice run, shouting a few times in a place where no one can hear you, or even hitting a big soft pillow a few times. These things can really help you to let out this emotion.

Of course, there's a better way! It's to understand yourself and see what needs aren't being met.

For example, we all want to be understood, respected, and supported.

It can be scary to express our needs, but it's so important!

For example, you could tell your mother that you're preparing for the postgraduate entrance exam, that you want to adjust your state of mind, and that you hope she'll disturb you less.

It's not that I don't want to spend time with my mother or that I don't love her. I just have a lot of things I want to do now and I hope my mother will support me.

I'd love to hear how you handled your mother's cold violence in the past.

Give your mom a little more time, sweetheart.

Once we've learned to take care of ourselves, we'll also have the chance to think about what our mothers might need and try to understand them better.

Please, just share these.

If you're interested, I'd highly recommend reading the book "Understanding Anger." It's a great way to gain a deeper understanding of our emotions.

Wishing you all the best!

Please extend a warm greeting to your child and wish them a happy new year. I hope my response has been of some assistance.

You are experiencing a sense of internal conflict and contradiction. You desire to accompany your mother on a shopping excursion, yet you are currently disinterested in shopping. You are experiencing a degree of weakness and a desire to remain at home, yet you also empathize with your mother and wish to spend time with her. It is important to recognize that we can diverge from our mothers' perspectives. We have the autonomy to make our own choices. However, just because our choices differ from our mothers' does not necessitate opposing views. We can maintain diverse perspectives, respect each other, and coexist harmoniously, while occasionally engaging in shopping trips with our mothers. We can also communicate our needs and feelings to our mothers and seek their understanding.

I advise you to:

It is important to respect your own inner feelings and express your feelings and needs sincerely to your mother.

Given the numerous concerns currently associated with shopping, it is likely that forcing oneself to accompany a mother on a shopping trip will result in a lack of comfort. It is therefore essential to respect one's own inner feelings. These feelings, concerns, thoughts, and needs can be conveyed to the mother. For example, one might inform the mother that one has just finished exercising and is not inclined to engage in further physical activity. Instead, the individual may express a desire to rest and study at home in preparation for an upcoming entrance exam.

Furthermore, you can inform your mother that you require her understanding, support, and care. You can express your hope that she will understand your reasons for not wanting to go shopping with her. You can also request that she cares about your body and feelings and respects your choice.

I believe that when your mother understands your feelings and thoughts, as well as your current plans, she will not force you to go shopping with her. After all, she undoubtedly cares about your well-being and wants you to be happy and comfortable.

2. A solution can be found through communication that satisfies both your mother's need to go shopping and your need to cultivate your own learning state.

If your mother still wishes for you to accompany her shopping, effective communication may be the best course of action. You can express your reasons and thoughts, and also listen to your mother's needs and feelings. If her main need is for you to accompany her on a shopping trip, while your main need is to focus on your own learning, there is no inherent contradiction.

You can view a shopping trip with your mother as a form of mental stimulation, an opportunity to relax your brain. After all, having a good learning efficiency also requires relaxation. Sometimes, going out to get some fresh air, seeing people, and looking at the dazzling array of goods will actually improve our mood and help us learn more effectively. Because our brains need a good balance of relaxation and concentration, you can discuss a time when you will go shopping with your mother, and then come back and study hard. This will satisfy the needs of both of you.

3. When there is a conflict between your needs and those of your family members, it is important to make your own choice while respecting their needs as well as your own. This will contribute to a more harmonious relationship.

It is inevitable that there will be occasions when our personal requirements conflict with those of our family members. In such instances, it is futile to engage in a dispute over who is right or wrong, as there is no absolute truth in this context. What is crucial is how we interact with each other in a manner that is respectful, understanding, and supportive. There must be a reason why Mum enjoys shopping so much and why she appreciates your company. It is likely that her actions are driven by a need that she feels is being fulfilled. If we can comprehend and respect her needs and express our own needs on that basis, I believe that family members who care about each other can undoubtedly achieve the balance we mentioned in the second point, a state where everyone feels at ease.

In the movie "The Croods," the Croods family and the Hao family represent primitiveness and modernity, respectively. Neither is superior to the other; they each possess their own advantages and disadvantages. The underlying message of the film is that, despite our differences, we can achieve harmony within a family by accepting and accommodating each other's unique qualities. This sense of harmony fosters self-confidence and pride in our individual identities, while also cultivating generosity and courage in accepting others.

Therefore, truly harmonious family relationships are where all members of the family can be themselves at home and provide each other with understanding and support.

Please refer to the above for further details. Best regards,

Hello, question asker! You asked, "What should I do if I'm a female college student and I argue and fight with my mother every time we go shopping together?"

"Do you feel troubled, confused, embarrassed, sad, painful, and aggrieved inside about the conflicts that are likely to arise when you go shopping with your mother? Don't worry, I've got your back! I understand that you don't want this, but I don't know how to deal with it either. Let's take a look at your problem together and find a solution.

You are a female college student who goes to university in a province more than a thousand kilometers away from home. Every holiday, your mother takes you to all the shopping malls near your home to go shopping. This holiday, you have let loose and just finished celebrating the Chinese New Year, and everyone is a bit weak. Moreover, your future plan is to take the postgraduate entrance exam, so you're excited to start studying!

You want to stay home this holiday to slowly cultivate your learning state, but your mother still wants to drag you shopping. She's so excited to tell you all about her greatest hobby: shopping! Whether it's for buying or just looking at the fabrics and styles that are popular in the malls right now, she can learn more and broaden her horizons.

A year and a half ago, your father took on some financial challenges, which made things a bit tough for your family, who was already on a tight budget. Fortunately, he was able to overcome these hurdles with a lot of hard work. Your mother says that if it weren't for her, you and your father would both be sleeping on the street. Your mother often tells you how she overcame these challenges and paid off the debts. You are a person with a particularly strong ability to empathize, so in this regard you especially admire your father's resilience, while also feeling inspired to do your best and feeling grateful for your mother's strength.

In high school, you felt so happy when you went shopping, being able to wear fashionable and expensive clothes and be proud in front of your peers. Now that you have experienced all this, gone to university, and discovered that some children from wealthy families also know how to live well, you feel ashamed of yourself. But then, you interned at a clothing sales company and discovered that clothing is extremely profitable, and you came into contact with minimalism!

Do you know why you are now likely to have some exciting conflicts with your mother when you go shopping?

In junior high and high school, you probably hadn't yet formed your own thoughts and interests, so your mother liked to go shopping and often dragged you along. Of course, on the one hand, you were there to keep her company while shopping; on the other hand, she would buy you pretty clothes, so you were kind of keeping each other company.

The two of you often do the same things together, and over time, you naturally develop common interests and hobbies. At that time, you might also like to go shopping with her to see what styles and trends are popular on the market. You both have a good time, doing things you both like inside, chatting while shopping, and telling each other your innermost thoughts.

However, after entering university, your interests and hobbies began to flourish! University courses and university life inspired you to pursue your studies and plan your future development. At this time, your interests and hobbies diverged from those of your mother. She is still in the stage where you used to pursue material enjoyment together, while you have already moved on to the stage of pursuing your own spiritual life. Not only are your interests different, but they are also very different!

So when she asks you to go shopping with her again, even though you may not really want to, you have to go with her because she is your mother. When someone does not want to do something, but is forced to do it, it is bound to cause problems in the process. But you can turn this around!

Once you've finished university and started your life, you might not be as enthusiastic about going shopping with your mother as you once were. It's totally understandable! Your mother may not have been able to sense your enthusiasm for accompanying her shopping in the past, which could have caused a slight gap in your relationship. But that doesn't mean it's a problem! It's just a matter of finding new ways to connect and enjoy each other's company.

Find a time and opportunity to have a good talk with your mother and show her how your interests have changed!

When your mother is in a good mood, you can find a time and opportunity to have a good talk with her and tell her your true thoughts. As you wrote above, you now prefer to use your winter and summer vacations to study hard, and you're excited to tell her all about your plan for your future development! You can make it clear that you know she likes to go shopping with her during the winter and summer vacations, but you don't like to go shopping anymore and would rather read a book by yourself.

If your mother still has the need to go shopping, I hope she can invite her other good friends to go with her, and you don't have to accompany her. Of course, occasionally you can accompany her! You know that when you went on winter and summer vacations, she wanted to go shopping with you so that she could bond with you.

After going to university, you spend most of the year at school, and she doesn't usually get to see you. Now that you're on holiday, of course she wants to have a shared activity with you and continue to develop your common interests. You can tell your mother that whether you are with her or not, she will always have a place in your heart, and you will always love her.

Regarding your postgraduate studies, you should also test her and let her understand the importance of postgraduate studies for your future development. If you do well in the future and can live a good life, she will be so proud of you and you can enjoy the benefits together!

? If you can't talk to your mother in person, no problem! You can always write to her.

From your description above, it's clear that your mother is an amazingly capable person who can pay off the huge debt your father owed on her own. She's also a strong person, and her strength will make you feel a bit pressured when talking to her. But that's a good thing! It shows she's confident and capable of taking on challenges. Some people may forget the purpose of what they said when talking to a strong person, and may even be led astray. But that's okay! It just means she's got your back and knows you'll come out stronger on the other side.

If you can talk to your mother face to face about the fact that you are pursuing different things now, that shopping may be your mother's spiritual pursuit, but it is no longer yours, and that your current spiritual pursuit is to study hard and strive to get into graduate school in time, you two are pursuing different things and may not be able to go shopping with your mother together. But that's okay! If you can explain everything clearly, then say it to her face; if you can't, you can also write to her.

You're worried that if you tell her these things face to face, she might not be able to accept them right away. But don't worry! Even if that happens, you can always write to her. So go for it! Talk to your mother face to face. You'll be amazed at how well it goes. And if it doesn't, you can always write.

I'm rooting for you, dear author! I really hope my answer is helpful!

The world and I love you!

Hello! You're a college student studying away from home. Every time you go home for the holidays, your mom will ask you to go shopping with her, but you have your own plans. Plus, with your family facing financial challenges, your views on consumption have also changed a lot. Now, shopping isn't something you're interested in. So, your mom's behavior can make you feel a bit helpless and unhappy. I get it!

Take some time to think about why you're feeling unhappy.

You used to love shopping and enjoy the pleasure that high spending brought you. At that time, going shopping with your mother might have been something that made you and your mother feel happy and satisfied.

I can see that shopping with your mother is a bit of a challenge for you. It seems like you really dislike it, which is totally understandable. I'd love to know more about why you feel this way.

You have your own plans for the holidays, and you want to use this vacation to adjust your state and prepare for the postgraduate entrance exam. And everyone just finished the Yang, and everyone is a bit weak. Going shopping will make the body feel tired and even a bit of a burden, so it's probably best to save it for another time.

It's so great to see that you have a really good grasp on your own life.

Shopping is a way for your mother to satisfy her needs. She really enjoys shopping as a hobby and even if she doesn't buy anything, she still enjoys the process. So shopping with your mother is a bit of a sacrifice for you, and it's not always in sync with your own needs. This situation of being controlled by your mother and passively accepting the arrangements can be a bit overwhelming, don't you think?

The financial situation of the family has been affected by the debt incurred by your father. When you are with your mother, you have to listen to her accusations and complaints about your father. You sympathize with your mother and are guided by her emotions. You hate your father, but at the same time, this hatred seems to be there in order to please your mother. When you see that you can only face problems in this way, you seem to blame yourself.

As you get older, you start to think differently about consumption. You start to pay attention to minimalist living and realize that the happiness brought about by high consumption is not worth pursuing. Therefore, you disapprove of shopping even more and even start to resent it. You may not even want to do it to keep your mother company.

I can see that shopping is a real source of stress and discomfort for you, which is totally understandable.

You've noticed a change in yourself, and it's a good one!

It's so great to see how your attitude towards accompanying your mother shopping has changed over the past few years! It's totally normal to feel stressed about it sometimes, and it's okay to want to do your own thing. This change in attitude is exactly what has made you grow up!

First of all, you have your own plans and arrangements for your holidays, which is great! You consider both your studies and your physical health, which is a very mature way of thinking. You should be commended for thinking this way!

First of all, you have your own plans and arrangements for your holidays. You consider both your studies and your physical health, which is a very mature way of thinking. I think you should be commended for thinking this way!

You want to use your precious vacation time to do something meaningful. You are beginning to feel a bit resentful of your mother for always asking you to do things to please her. This shows that you're becoming more independent and starting to think for yourself. You're realizing that you don't want to be controlled by other people's wishes, but rather arrange your life according to your own ideas. This is a sign of growth!

You want to use your precious vacation time to do something meaningful. I can see how your mother's wishes might sometimes feel like they're dragging you along, but it's great that you're starting to resent that less and less. It shows that your sense of independence has also increased. You are no longer willing to be controlled by the wishes of others, but rather arrange your life according to your own ideas. This is a sign of growth, and I'm so proud of you for it!

It's so great to see you thinking more rationally about consumption. You've started to reflect on the pleasure derived from consumption and the luxury of appearance alone, and you're more concerned with an aesthetic that is closer to the essence of things.

It's so great to see you thinking more rationally about consumption. You've started to reflect on the pleasure that comes from consumption and the luxury of appearances alone, and you're paying more attention to an aesthetic that is closer to the essence of things.

The internship at the university has given you some knowledge of the profit level of the clothing industry. This is great! You can now use this knowledge to think about your own lifestyle. I have to say that this is a more mature result than in the past, which is wonderful to see!

I can see that you have a difficult relationship with your father. It's understandable that you're frustrated with him, especially given your mother's situation. But it's also clear that you're trying to be supportive by reducing your material demands. This is a great way to contribute to the family's difficulties.

So let's try to look beyond the troubles we face and see our own maturity and changes first. This is a process of growth, and if it is because of growing up that we have these troubles, then we have the motivation to solve them!

I'm sure you'll be able to find a way out of this tricky situation!

It's so great to see how much you care about your parents and want to make them happy! Here are a few tips for the current problem:

You are so understanding! You love your parents very much and want to do your best to make them happy. Here are a few tips for the current problem:

I'm sure we can all agree that communication is key here.

First, you can talk very honestly with your mother about your vacation arrangements. I think every parent would love to see their children work hard and improve!

I'm sure your mother will understand if you say you need to save time to prepare for school so you can't go shopping with her. Open communication is a great way to gain your mother's understanding without hurting her feelings.

It can be tough for kids to change their moms' negative feelings about their dads. It's actually a good thing to let your mom get those pent-up emotions out.

We can create more opportunities for parents to communicate with each other, especially when the three of them are together. It's so important to try to make the atmosphere harmonious and happy, and I truly believe this is the best way to show your parents love and respect.

As long as you make sure to give your parents their space and don't take over their time, you can even plan to spend some time with them! Your mom loves shopping, so why not set a limit of, say, two hours? That way, you can enjoy shopping with her without feeling guilty. It'll also show your mom that you're thinking of her and that you care.

Hey there! I know that growing up can be tough, but it's also an amazing journey filled with joy. I hope this helps!

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of confusion, conflict, and a sense of powerlessness.

From a psychological perspective, I would like to share my understanding as a psychological counselor.

Your mother is a highly controlling individual who tends to perceive the world through her own lens and exert considerable influence over various aspects of your life. She displays some narcissistic tendencies and often attributes her challenges to external factors. Despite her capable nature, she is also a highly dedicated worker.

You were raised by your mother and have a close relationship with her. You also identify with her. However, you are now developing your own thoughts and opinions and beginning to become your own person. This will result in conflicts with your mother's opinions. For instance, the matter of going shopping, which is your mother's hobby, and your own thoughts on the matter. Additionally, your father plays a role in your decision to stay at home to rest and adjust your state of mind for the entrance exam. You do not want to purchase expensive clothes while shopping and instead want to change from within. Therefore, when you do something you do not like at your mother's request but are unable to refuse, this will result in a dispute with your mother. On the surface, it may appear as though you are shopping and not getting along with shopping. However, subconsciously, it is a conflict between control and rebellion against your mother's expression of control.

One must learn to express one's own thoughts. When confronted with one's mother's demands, such as going shopping or other requests, one can politely decline, citing a lack of time, a desire to study, or a preference not to engage in the act of shopping. One can also learn to assert one's autonomy by stating that one would prefer to engage in other activities, such as writing a plan, reading a book, or seeking out friends of a similar age. This demonstrates to one's mother that individuals possess their own thoughts, are unique, and have the capacity for independent action. If one blindly accommodates one's mother's current personality traits and avoids conflict with one's father by avoiding confrontation, it can lead to a situation where one's mother habitually exerts control over one's actions. This behavior may exhibit narcissistic personality traits.

It is gratifying to observe your growth and development. You have progressed from a state of mere obedience and acquiescence to one of self-awareness and assertiveness. When confronted with challenges, you are now able to seek assistance and express your needs on this platform. There are numerous individuals here who are ready to provide guidance and support in various forms. It is essential to recognize that you are worthy of love and acceptance, and I am here to offer my expertise in this regard.

I am here to provide you with support.

#How to ease arguments##Mother-daughter relationship##Tormenting relationship# If you want to ease arguments in your mother-daughter relationship, you need to understand that a tormenting relationship is not healthy for anyone.

Disagreements and arguments are nothing more than disagreements or a lack of understanding. What you're really saying is that you want me to care more about you, understand you, and empathize with your pain. But you're the one who needs to understand your parents. Why? Because your parents are unable to digest their emotions. They've experienced a lot of pain, but it wasn't brought about by you or your father. It was brought about by the entire family system. Of course, as children, we will understand our parents. But you can't bear the emotional debt of this family system alone. It would be too stressful.

You need to ask yourself: if you can pay off these debts, what is the purpose? If you have the ability to pay off the debts, what do you hope to resolve in addition to the debts?

If you feel too much guilt in the midst of emotions, you will always want to make up for something and do something. But what exactly are you supposed to do as a student? Does the act of earning money really mean that you are competent if you earn money?

Ask yourself if you're too involved in your parents' emotional entanglements. Give these things back to them and return to your own life. You might feel selfish, but you have to do what's right. Who has the ability to resolve the emotional entanglements of others, including our parents?

Read "Beyond the Mother-Daughter Relationship That Torments You."

From what I could gather from reading your account, there didn't seem to be any major disagreements with your mother throughout the story. You did mention that you didn't want to go out, but it wasn't clear why.

If your mother allows you to go out, you might consider making some requests, such as "Then we'll be back in half an hour or an hour, okay?" rather than simply complying with your mother's wishes.

I would like to respectfully point out that you have mentioned that your father is currently facing some challenges. It seems that, as a result, you are experiencing feelings of resentment towards your father, feelings of regret about your past spending, and a sense of inadequacy in bearing some of the family's burdens.

From my perspective as an outsider, it seems there may be a lack of empathy between you and your father. Could this be related to differing gender preferences?

Then I, as a bystander, suddenly tell you your shame, which may be some emotional activity in your father's heart right now. It's possible that he feels he has now put the family in a relatively difficult situation. I don't believe he hates you, though I can understand why you might think otherwise. It's also possible that he doesn't have the financial ability to help you bear some of the family's burdens.

Some family fluctuations may provide you with different perspectives on life, which could be beneficial. It's also important to be mindful of the intensity in your speech.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to become more aware of the different ways of thinking that you have. With time, you may find that your life becomes more fulfilling as a result.

I totally get it! I was the same way when I came back from visiting my folks. I didn't understand it before, either, so I say keep learning as you get older!

We all understand this, but we just don't believe it. It's true that we all perceive things differently.

We often take things for granted, don't we? Mothers and daughters should be of one mind, and a family should be of one heart and one mind. But taking things for granted can be a disadvantage.

Let's get back to the topic at hand. The questioner is thinking, "My plan for the future is to take the postgraduate entrance exam, and I want to stay at home this vacation to slowly cultivate my learning state." Mom's thoughts are, "My biggest hobby is shopping, not to buy, but to see the fabric styles that are popular in the mall now, to learn more and broaden my horizons."

For example, in my family, my younger sister, her sister-in-law, and my niece get along very well and are on good terms with me. They have so much in common! They share the same interests, have the same topics of conversation, and tend to act in unison.

I can see that there's a lot more to this than just leaving home after going to school and starting a new chapter in life. There are so many differences, and it seems like there's a difference in perception overall.

It's so sad to see how the questioner has taken over her mother's view, from the family's current situation to her mother's current situation. Her father owed financial debts, which made their already not very wealthy family's situation even worse. It's so understandable that she feels especially hate towards her father, and feels sorry for her mother. It's so hard when you blame yourself.

When a family reaches this point, there must be a reason for it. But when a mother directly or indirectly conveys this reality to her children, it's not so much venting anger as sowing hatred, which can unfortunately lead to a chain of mutual contempt.

As fellow women, I totally get why it's said that a good woman enriches three generations. In the past, it was always said that men are the pillars of the family, so why shouldn't women be the backbone of the family?

It's so important to remember that both spouses are responsible for the rise and fall of a family. While it's not always easy, it's so important to try to be understanding and to work together. It's also so important to remember that when we amplify and publicize the party at fault, it can really start to damage the family.

It doesn't matter how successful the original poster is in their studies, or what kind of partner they meet in the future. If they don't understand the truth early on, they might end up repeating their mother's story and blaming the people around them for their unhappiness.

It's so important to be able to spot the signs and deal with them early on. That way, you can sort things out and emerge from the chaos feeling calm and in control.

Dad will take care of his own affairs, and Mom will take care of hers. It's important to remember that self-blame doesn't equal filial piety. It's okay to not get caught up in other people's emotions — it's a sensible way to live!

Empathy is all about understanding, not wearing other people's bad moods on your sleeve. It's a great skill to have! Being able to blend in and fade away is something we can all learn to do.

Otherwise, we'll never be happy, sweetheart.

Family: Every family has its own problems. Show gratitude and give more. You will reap rewards and nip conflicts and losses in the bud. Family is a place for emotional attachment. It is also your last line of defense and safe haven. Show your parents love, care, and protection. They are your parents. They have brought you up with great difficulty. Negotiate.

I disagree. I don't believe things have reached a point of no return. As long as the topic starter, who is so virtuous and kind-hearted, is willing to work hard, there are always more solutions than problems.

You're not young anymore, and you can do many things independently. It's time to contribute to your family in a way that aligns with your abilities. Act like an adult. Congratulations in advance on your greater maturity and stability.

Communication with parents requires a certain skill set. You may have spent a long time with your parents and be very close to them, but there is a natural imbalance in the messages you send to each other. Most family members unconsciously reinforce the transmission of a certain type of information in the hope of adapting to each other and achieving a balance. This means you don't really know your family members, who may even be "the most familiar strangers." It's crucial to comprehensively understand your family members, make a fair judgment, and decide on a communication model based on this understanding. This will affect the way you collaborate with them. People communicate and collaborate with each other.

Many people are greedy. They think that more is better in everything. This is not the case. In family relationships, for example, less criticism, less demand, less entitlement can make an otherwise happy family happier. Empathy is the expression of compassion and mercy for all living beings.

The heart must be full of appreciation, gratitude, and selfless and fearless giving to gain pure love and feel compassion and mercy for all living beings. Empathy is a special ability, and true compassion and mercy are the only way to truly empathize. Otherwise, it is all an illusion.

Growth process: Compassion is a life practice that no one can easily achieve. The methods and techniques required during the process are enough to deter many people. I am certain that the questioner can pay more attention to their inner world and pay less attention to the negative on the road of life. There is no doubt that under the guidance of positive thinking, they can cultivate the practice of compassion, become one of the few "enlightened beings" throughout the ages, awaken the power that has been dormant, and give more benefits and help to all living beings, as well as making their own lives less regrettable, less lamentable, and less helpless.

Summary: Family requires more gratitude and giving. Don't question why we should give first; you will see the answer later. Be more filial to your parents. Show more respect. Be more willing to show weakness and ask for help. Understand and care for them more. Do what you can to help them. Give them surprises. These are the ways children should show filial piety to their parents. Life is a long journey. Those with compassion can go further and more smoothly, with fewer regrets.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm excited to help you with your question!

From the questioner's description, it's clear that her mother has made so many sacrifices for the family, especially for her. She's even willing to sacrifice things that she usually doesn't like eating or wearing for her daughter. It's amazing to see how much her mother cares about her! It seems that her mother only vents her negative emotions in front of her daughter, as if she's releasing her emotions on those close to her and those she trusts.

The questioner may not understand her mother's behavior, but I believe these actions are related to the questioner's upbringing and personality. It's fascinating to see how the mother's own family dynamics influence her parenting style. When elders get emotional, they often find it difficult to vent outside the home. Instead, they tend to express their feelings at home, which is something the questioner's mother is doing.

It's so important to save the good things for your own children! This is a template for many Chinese families. Family members get along with others outside, but when they return home, they vent their negative emotions on their children. Children not only have to endure the love of their family members, but also the negative emotions from them.

As children grow up, they are influenced by their family of origin, which is why the questioner's mother treats the questioner in this way. Of course, as parents, there are different motives behind controlling their children's behavior, some are in pursuit of perfection, while others are afraid that their children will repeat the mistakes they made when they were young.

These behaviors may be seen as caring by parents, but in fact they often cause depression and harm to children. Here I would like to give the questioner a big pat on the shoulder and hope to give you a little strength! I also hope that the questioner can understand the motivation of the mother in dealing with the questioner.

Sometimes, mothers just want to find a sense of security in their children. The questioner's father's family situation is not good because of his own reasons, but I'm sure he'd love to have a sense of security! Because she feels his frustration and insecurity, she wants to find it back in the questioner, or she wants to find a sense of security by controlling the questioner's behavior.

Of course, the filial subject, who has to think about the family while also appeasing his mother, is really having a hard time. It's really not easy, but it's also really exciting!

Since you asked the question on the platform, I'm excited to give you some simple advice!

It's time to take control! Identify your mother's controlling behavior.

Mothers may sometimes ask a lot of questions, but it's not necessarily a sign of controlling behavior. It doesn't mean she's a controlling personality or a negative parent. A truly controlling parent will control others in specific ways.

Some of these methods are obvious, while others are more subtle. Controlling behavior can take many forms, from overwhelming criticism to veiled threats.

Let's dive into the world of mother-child dynamics! Here are some tell-tale signs that the mother has a strong desire for control:

She'll always have something to say about your appearance, attitude, or the choices you make!

They might even go as far as to threaten to hurt you or themselves! They might say, "If you don't come home right now, I'll kill myself!"

Guess what! The mother might exploit your sense of guilt to force you to do things you don't want to do. For example, she might say something like, "It took me 18 whole hours to give birth to you, and now you won't even stay with me for a few hours?"

And there's more! They might even spy on you or disrespect your privacy. That's right, they could casually go through your room or secretly check your phone messages when you're away from home.

Now for the really fun part! Let's dive in and understand the mother's motives in treating the subject.

Oh, the possibilities! Why does the mother treat the subject like this? Was she also treated like this when she was a child? Was the mother also taught this way by the elders in her family when she was a child?

The way she communicates with her children is a pattern that she was brought up with in her mother's family. This pattern is imprinted in her heart, and she will bring this pattern into her own family, which is really exciting!

She firmly believes that parents should be strong and disciplined when raising their children.

It's so important to understand your mother's motives! When you understand why she did what she did, it's like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You can finally release your emotions, treat her more calmly, and feel more at ease.

So, if the questioner understands her mother's motives, she'll see that her mother can only continue the pattern given to her by the original family to treat her own children. But there's so much more to her than that! Is there anything about her that is worthy of sympathy?

and embrace the amazing influence that her mother has had on her!

I'm so excited to hear about the influence your mother had on you! What kind of impact did she have? Was it a positive one? Did she encourage you? Did she give you a bit of a nudge? I'd love to hear all about it!

Elders can nag their children, and that's okay! These views are all the influence that the mother brought to the questioner in the original family. The questioner can try to list in detail on paper some of the influences that the mother has brought to the questioner in her own concepts.

And then, the questioner can try to distinguish for themselves whether these views are correct, whether they were brought to the questioner by their mother, or whether they are just their own subjective feelings. How exciting it is to try to argue with these views brought to the questioner by their mothers based on the personalities of the women around you! You'll soon see if these views are universal in society or just your own unilateral views.

If it is just your own opinion, and not the case for all girls, then you can be excited to understand that these are the influences that your mother has brought to you!

And be honest with yourself!

If your mother is trying to control you, it's time to take back control! How can you overcome the influence of your family of origin? You can let your mother influence your every word and action, or you can choose to stand up for yourself and be in charge of your own destiny.

Or should you face it bravely? This is an amazing opportunity for you to get to know yourself better and be honest with yourself. This will allow you to face your own concerns head-on and also prevent you from repeating the same mistakes when forming your own nuclear family.

The good news is that you can take control of the way you get along with your mother. If you can't face these things head-on, you can still make changes. The first step is to list these influences and see which aspects of yourself they have affected.

Seek professional psychological support — it'll be the best decision you ever make!

If you feel that your mother's influence has put a lot of pressure on you and made you feel inferior, you can try to seek professional psychological support. I highly recommend that you find some psychological counselors or listeners on some psychological platforms, and pour out your worries to these professionals. I absolutely believe they can help you get rid of your mother's influence and learn how to face it!

Absolutely! In life, if there are friends you can talk to, you can also confide in them. If you can get their support, the questioner will feel secure again, slowly grow stronger, and gradually break free from the influence of their mother on the questioner!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hello, questioner!

From what you've said, it's clear there's a lot going on for you. It seems like there's a bit of a generational gap between you and your mother, which is making things tricky for you.

It doesn't matter if we're growing up in a family or interacting with people in society: the mentality of the people we encounter is always self-centered, arrogant, and selfish. Self-centered people live in their own world and don't care about others. Arrogant people think they're the only ones who are right. And selfish people only care about their own feelings.

This applies to us, our parents, our kids, our friends, and our colleagues. It's just a fact of life.

So, the empathy principle says you should deal with your mood before you deal with things. My advice is to accept the status quo and communicate improvement.

It's important to accept the current situation and show that you empathize and understand.

It's important to accept your mother's values and cultural differences at this stage. There's bound to be a difference between your values and your mother's culture, especially since you're going to college. For example, during the holidays, your mother may feel that taking you out shopping (something every woman likes) and relaxing is a sign of her love for you, while you may feel that it's a waste of time and interferes with your plans.

Your mother has made efforts during the previous stage of the family financial crisis. She is eager to share and needs to go shopping or engage in other relaxing activities to share her efforts and gain a sense of respect and family status.

It's important to accept that your family is in debt. You shouldn't blame yourself for feeling helpless. Your role at this stage is to learn, while your parents take on other family responsibilities. Getting involved won't help you, and it'll affect your mood and lead to other negative behaviors.

Effective communication gets results.

As you've grown up, your mother has probably crossed your boundaries and affected your emotions. To communicate effectively, you need to use the empathy communication principle of "taking a firm stand while maintaining a warm attitude." This means taking a firm stand while maintaining a warm attitude. When you state your position, give your mother the "sense of respect, security and trust" that she needs most. Communicate honestly and reach a consensus so that neither party accumulates resentment that could lead to an explosion.

You could say to your mother, "Mom, you've been worrying a lot about the family these days. I should use my vacation to go shopping with you so you can relax or look beautiful. But now that we've just finished the Yangming Festival, everyone is a bit weak, and it's not safe outside, so it's not suitable to go out. I happen to have plans to take the postgraduate entrance exam, and I want to stay at home this vacation to slowly cultivate my learning state.

Once I've finished my postgraduate studies (I might not be in the mood then), I'll take you on a nice shopping trip. By the way, last semester our teacher taught us about a minimalist lifestyle. Would you like to hear about it? I'll share it with you.

We communicate with our mothers sincerely, and I don't think it will go badly. In fact, changing your emotional resistance will make everything easier.

I love you, and I wish you happiness!