Coming from a single-parent family, how can I improve my sense of security and become mentally independent?

The direction of logical thinking is clear.

You are sensitive and clear-headed. You don't blame your husband for the current situation; you recognize your own role in it. You are facing the problem head-on and working to find a solution based on your strength and independence. You know that "what to do" is different from "what happened." You are confident that you will find the answer and improvement to the problem in time.

Everyone knows that trying to improve oneself to adapt to the environment is more feasible, practical, and effective than trying to change or demand that others conform to oneself.

Lack of love is not a reason to demand it from others. It may be due to character, but that is irrelevant.

As you said, your husband has tried to give you love and satisfaction. Perhaps he is tired, or his love has faded, and there are times when things change or even become unbearable. It is not the case that he "doesn't love you enough," as you think. In fact, all couples cannot maintain eternal passion. It is more likely to be restrained warmth or even heavy family affection.

If you insist on a rigid standard, it's not an objective or helpful approach. It will push people apart and worsen the situation because passion will subside and love will wear thin. Being together requires that both people are comfortable and find it beneficial. You understand this, and realize that it may be more of a deviation in your own feelings. It's not that your husband doesn't love you enough, and going out is not necessarily flirting. Unreasonable demands and expectations are not helpful and cannot be sustained.

Passivity and fear only make things worse. Marriage requires a positive attitude.

Everyone needs security in their relationships. This security comes from the details of life and the little things your partner does and says. You need your partner's care and actions to confirm your feelings and the evidence of their love. However, marriage is not a relationship. You have already made the most important choice and commitment to love each other for the long term and in a stable legal relationship.

The future is what matters. Enhancing and maintaining this emotional relationship is far more practical and beneficial than repeatedly and continuously looking for evidence of love.

Since it is a union based on love, there is no reason to adopt a skeptical and negative stance. You know that the same thing, based on different starting points, will lead to completely different conclusions and feelings, and will result in different attitudes, words, and deeds, which will also exert an influence on the other party.

Then, more often than not, what you fear will come to pass. If you don't believe, you can't believe. This isn't about being blind or self-deceiving. It's about having the right attitude and stance for getting along with others on a daily basis.

Individual independence requires acceptance of the fact that everyone is lonely.

There will be couples who fall apart and there will be fickle emotions. But if this happens, will it change because of your fear or doubts? The truth is that no one can guarantee anything. Not just your husband, but you too.

Therefore, relationships and marriage are not inevitable or necessary. They are just a matter of fate and luck. Everyone is on their own life journey, and friends, family, and spouses are just fellow travelers by chance. There is always a chance that others will leave, and the possibility of loneliness for everyone is always there.

This is not inevitable or absolute, and it is not even a likely scenario. However, you cannot deny this possibility, and you cannot deny that only you can walk the path of every person's life. As mentioned before, being out of control and afraid of the unknown cannot ensure the future. Instead of asking for guarantees or evidence from the other person, it is better to be grateful and enjoy the days together. What I mean is to be vigilant and avoid your own "suspicion," which may one day really create ghosts.

You must recognize the loneliness on the road of life and accept it. This will enable you to take a more independent and objective stance towards the possible comings and goings of others and environmental changes. You will then be able to strive for and maintain the desired relationship in a more positive and beneficial way. This will satisfy your need for love, rather than relying on others for a "proof" that may even be harmful.

You deserve happiness.

Hello! I'm an old skinny donkey, and I'm ready to get up and go!

I totally get where the questioner is coming from! Her childhood experiences have shaped her into a great person, and while she might not be the best at getting along with others, she's learning and growing all the time. Her husband's love might be different now, but that doesn't mean she's alone. There are so many amazing relationships out there for her to explore!

A person's whole life is an amazing journey of continuous learning! We learn to survive, we learn to grow up, we learn to get along with others, and so much more. We either learn from our own experiences or from the experiences of others. When we understand ourselves correctly and learn to deal with the world in a positive way, it helps us feel more secure and happy!

The first step in growing up is to become aware of yourself — and it's a great one!

1. Childhood trauma, the suicide of his father, has deprived the questioner of paternal love.

2. Not having felt complete love from their parents makes them feel lonely, but there is hope!

3. After forming a new family, because there was no role model to learn from during her upbringing, she has the exciting opportunity to learn how to get along with her husband and grow in this area.

4. Marrying far away from home means that you get to embark on a new adventure! While it might mean that you become completely isolated from your husband and his family, it also means that you get to start fresh with your husband and create a new, exciting dynamic. If your husband doesn't have as much experience taking care of your feelings as he once did, you will feel helpless and lonely.

5. Relationships have a shelf life, and human energy is also limited. But that just means there's room for new adventures! Boring days will give you a chance to recharge, and family responsibilities will give your husband a chance to focus on himself.

Love and marriage are two independent personalities coming together and being impressed by each other. It's great to rely on your partner during the honeymoon period, but it's also important to have your own identity. If you rely too much on your partner, they might get tired, and if you don't rely on them enough, they might feel like you don't need them. It's a balance!

First, the questioner can embark on an exciting journey of self-discovery! They can start by understanding their own feelings and the source of those feelings. Then, they can help themselves let go of the past and move on to a brighter future. "Embracing Your Inner Self" is an excellent way for the questioner to become more self-aware.

Second, the questioner can embark on an exciting journey of self-discovery! They can try to understand what type of romantic personality they belong to, and then try to adjust their romantic psychology in a corresponding way. "How to Hug a Hedgehog" is a fantastic resource that can help the questioner understand their own romantic type and their partner's romantic type.

Third, remember that all "I think" is subjective. You may feel insecure, but don't let it brew in your mind! Speak up and communicate your feelings and desired solution to your husband. I believe he will definitely pay attention and be willing to take care of your feelings. "Nonviolent Communication" can improve the quality of your communication.

Fourth, it's time to start building your own social circle! Don't make your husband the center of your life. Being completely dependent on one person can be exhausting. Not having your own space and being completely dependent on one person can also make you feel insecure. Once the other person is not available to take care of your feelings, you will become worried and anxious.

Fifth, keep yourself busy! For example, cultivate hobbies that will occupy your time and make you less likely to think about imaginary things. It will also enhance your sense of happiness and self-worth!

Sixth, learn the way to harmonious husband-and-wife relations from happy marriages. It can be the marriage of friends around you, or the model couples in books. The great news is that progress is made little by little, and I truly believe that with more and more positive accumulation, the questioner can reap more and more happiness!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I'm your questioner!

I'm Lingjing, a listening therapist, and I'm delighted to have this chance to meet you.

It's tough to see what you've been through. It's hard enough to deal with losing your father at a young age, but it's even tougher when you don't know how to learn and handle a relationship.

Let me give you a quick hug to start with.

Even though it's just a short paragraph, it shows how much pain you're in. You were happy with your husband, but you're also tired of it, and you don't know what to do.

But as they say, a crisis is a chance to grow. You might have thought about coming to the psychology platform to get help, and you'll find the answers you're looking for.

You also seem to have a good understanding of yourself. It seems like the lack of a father figure makes you constantly demand intimacy. You don't have anyone you can really trust, and you feel even more isolated.

And most importantly, you'll see your own inner "bottomless pit."

First of all, I can see that you may not have anyone to talk to, so you can expand your circle of friends, make friends, chat with each other, go shopping, gossip together, and chat when you have something on your mind.

Then, think about what you used to enjoy doing the most and find new hobbies and specialties. This is a great chance to revisit your former ideals and expand your network.

Finally, if you're an introvert who might be struggling with social isolation and can't think of any hobbies, then learning is a great way to fill the emptiness inside. Since you're interested in psychology and want to be liberated from your pain, then you can start here.

Many of us have started down this path of psychological learning.

I think you'll find the other side of yourself pretty quickly. Even if the "bottomless pit" is still there, you'll take another path and get farther and farther away from it. Life is always happy; you just got lost.

I'm an enthusiastic answerer, a psychological listener, an offline consultant, a health manager, a nutritionist, and a traditional Chinese medicine enthusiast. I hope to help you by learning and sharing knowledge to navigate life and summarize experiences to help others.

Hello, it seems like your lover doesn't care about you as much.

You feel unhappy in your marriage. You don't like your husband's behavior with female colleagues. You want to improve your marriage.

You're looking for the cause of your marriage difficulties. You grew up in a single-parent family after your father died young. You don't have a template for parent relationships to learn from. These facts affect our growth, character, relationships, etc. But I don't think they're the cause of your current difficulties.

I know what I'm saying might make you feel uncomfortable. No matter if we grew up in a single-parent or two-parent family, we will encounter problems in our marriage.

We are adults now, and we can develop ourselves. You say your husband doesn't satisfy you as much as he used to.

This is a normal stage in any relationship. As we move from the honeymoon to married life, our emotions change. Men have usually completed a stage of their lives by this point. They need to focus on their careers and other relationships.

They want us to think more than feel.

Our family will change as time goes by. Each stage will have different tasks. There is no set pattern in marriage or life. A marriage is about mutual achievement, tolerance, understanding, and support. If it is one-sided, the other party will get tired more easily.

To avoid this, we must grow and learn to transition from girl or daughter to wife or partner.

Read or watch "The Intimacy Course" by Lin Wentse. She explains the differences between men and women, marriage, and more. Also read "Meeting the Unknown Self" and "Re-Encountering the Unknown Self" by Zhang Defen.

Be brave in expressing your needs, frustrations, and expectations in your relationship with your husband. Avoid using critical language and start sentences with "I." You are responsible for your expectations.

Record your needs in writing. Be specific. This helps your partner know what you need.

Finally, may we all learn to take control of our marriages and our happiness.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan, and I'm excited to help you out.

Due to the influence of her family of origin, the questioner has always been uneasy about intimate relationships. It is understandable that she always has doubts when faced with her husband's work needs. The good news is that the questioner has the power to choose how to get along in future intimate relationships!

The questioner is the only one who can find the right answer! It's time to listen to your true thoughts, communicate with your partner, and make changes to make your intimate relationship more lasting.

Facing the inner deficiencies, how can the questioner communicate with her husband in a way that is mutually beneficial? Do they understand each other's needs and how to deal with their emotions in a way that is respectful and constructive? The questioner has the opportunity to do some self-reflection. Due to the influence of her family of origin, the questioner wants to make changes in her intimate relationship, and she can do it!

Since the question was asked on the platform, I would also like to give the author some brief advice:

You've got this! Don't blame yourself.

It's so important to remember that how intimate relationships develop is often not the fault of the person in the relationship alone. This is something that you absolutely cannot blame yourself for! The insecurity and anxiety you feel in your intimate relationship is due to the influence of your family of origin, and this is a very normal reaction.

You're doing great! Don't blame yourself for not managing the relationship well. Perhaps the questioner is the main factor, but the questioner's husband also has an unavoidable responsibility. Since problems in the questioner's family of origin have affected the questioner, why not try to deal with them?

For example, why not consult a family counselor? Of course, this is not to blame the husband, but I want to point out that in this intimate relationship, both parties have responsibilities, and there is also a lack of understanding on your part. So, let's get some help!

A failed marriage is never anyone's fault! A perfect family is something that can be achieved when both husband and wife work together. It's so important to remember that unilateral efforts are not a long-term solution and can easily lead to fatigue.

Be honest about your feelings!

The husband's attitude in the marriage, what the questioner cares about, and what the questioner can do is to have an honest exchange with her husband. This is a great opportunity for the questioner to talk to her husband about her own attitude towards marriage and what she hopes her husband will be like in the marriage.

The insecurity arose when the questioner was unhappy with her husband working with female colleagues. This is a great opportunity for the questioner to express her feelings to her husband! She can say that she feels this way because of the influence of her family of origin, that she wants to feel more secure, and that she hopes her husband will report to her when he goes out to work with female colleagues, and preferably tell her about his work plan or process for the day. This will make the questioner feel more secure!

Keep it to yourself until you're ready to share the news!

Now that the questioner's marriage has encountered problems, you may be extremely sad, so you want to tell everyone in your family and your friends about your emotions and experiences, and even post about it on your social media. However, no one should make decisions about the future of your marriage. If the questioner wants to repair the relationship, this will only make others look at your significant other with strange eyes in the future and point fingers at your marriage.

You don't have to tell everyone about your experience, but you should definitely tell someone who can help you solve your problem and give you advice!

Telling friends and family about your ordeal may make the questioner feel temporarily relieved. But don't worry! Soon, you will feel remorse, and the pain will come flooding back.

There are so many opinions! It's great that so many people are giving the questioner advice, but it can be hard to know who to listen to. And if a friend gives advice on divorce and the questioner follows it, you might feel a bit weird getting along with this friend in the future.

Listen to your heart!

Family and friends are a great source of advice on how to handle intimacy problems in a marriage. But at the end of the day, it's up to you to make the decision. Other people's opinions can be helpful in understanding different perspectives on how to navigate things. But in the end, you have to follow your heart!

In this way, the original poster will be able to look back on their future with joy and excitement, knowing that they made the best decision for themselves.

Let go of the past and forgive!

When facing a crisis in your intimate relationship, I highly recommend that you take a deep breath and think calmly before dealing with it. And most importantly, you need to forgive your past family of origin.

It's important to understand that because of the shadow cast by the father's suicide, these effects are not so easy to eliminate. However, there is hope! These effects will continue to affect the family, but with the right tools and support, you can learn to live with them. If the author can forgive his father, perhaps the author will be relieved. It's also important to remember that perhaps the father was experiencing psychological problems at that time and did not know who to turn to for help. This is a common issue, and there are many resources available to help you.

So forgive the impact of this incident on yourself, and also let yourself go!

Seek psychological support and get on the road to recovery!

The past has caused the author harm, but there is hope! If the author feels that he cannot heal himself, he should actively seek the help of mental health professionals. These professionals will help the author deal with this past trauma. The healing of psychological trauma may not be as fast as the author thinks, but it will be worth it! It will take a long time before the author can truly regain their confidence and love for life, but it will be worth it!

No matter how the marriage survives, even if the couple agrees to work together, it will take a long time to return to a "normal" life and restore the original intimacy between you. But it will be worth it!

I really hope this helps the original poster!

I'm really hoping this helps the questioner!

Greetings, question asker.

It is not uncommon for individuals who have grown up in single-parent families to experience a lack of security.

The following analysis and suggestions are offered for your consideration:

[Trust yourself]

A sense of security is primarily an emotional state. However, when an individual possesses sufficient confidence, they are less likely to experience feelings of insecurity.

To illustrate, consider the following scenario: "He frequently interacts with female colleagues, and I am uneasy about it, frequently suspicious."

It is imperative that you first convince yourself of your husband's reliability and your ability to confront these challenges and improve your situation.

This is a fundamental prerequisite for a sense of security.

[Not dependent on others]

The situation described by the questioner is as follows: "My husband previously always met my demands, but now that he is tired, I begin to feel that he does not love me enough."

It is advised that the questioner avoid placing undue reliance on others, including her husband.

It is recommended that the questioner undertake as many tasks as possible independently. Only by achieving small goals can the questioner become more independent and autonomous, and then discuss spiritual independence.

It is recommended that the questioner cultivate a broader social network.

It is recommended that the questioner engage in mental exploration and foster normal relationships with others on a regular basis. This approach will facilitate a sense of increased ease and security within the questioner's perceived world.

Furthermore, it is unwise to impose self-limiting constraints such as "living far away from family and relatives."

In conclusion, the establishment of a sufficient number of positive social relationships and interactions represents an effective method for the enhancement of both security and mental independence.

[It is recommended that the questioner treasure the present.]

The concept of "lack of love" as referenced by the questioner is relative.

Similarly, the lack of paternal love experienced in the original family cannot be transferred to the new family and subsequently cause the husband to become "tired now" by being attributed to him.

It is recommended that you adjust your perception. Neither gain nor loss is worth obsessing over. The presence of you and your husband is the most valuable asset at this moment in time.

It is my hope that this will prove to be of some assistance.

Growth is contingent upon a commitment to learning and to emulating the successes of others. It is only through perseverance and effort that growth can yield tangible results.

Self-growth: Loneliness can facilitate independence. A happy family life requires nurturing. As a couple, it is beneficial to give each other more consideration, develop mutual attractions, and establish a positive and stable family routine and atmosphere. It is advantageous to gain knowledge and experience regarding gender relationships and to grow together with your partner.

The relationship between men and women can be likened to that of a tree and a vine. If a man is the one who grows and a woman is the one who does not, the tree will grow taller and other vines will climb over it. Conversely, if a woman is the one who grows and a man is the one who does not, the vine will grow and climb over other trees. If neither man nor woman grows, they will be eliminated by society, which is changing rapidly and evolving with each passing day. Therefore, it is imperative that men and women grow and progress together.

As a woman, one can endeavor to provide men with a greater frequency of what might be termed "self-esteem massages."

The concept of self-acceptance posits that an individual's familial background does not inherently limit their potential. Both personal experiences and those of others can offer invaluable insights, facilitating personal growth and transformation. When challenges arise, maintaining composure and employing objective analysis to identify the underlying causes is crucial.

One should endeavor to engage in activities that elicit feelings of pride and accomplishment. These could include, for instance, baking a delicious and appealing cake, applying makeup in a refined and tranquil manner, or other pursuits. The process of self-acceptance entails recognizing the finite and the infinite, and understanding that the two are not inherently contradictory. There is a vast potential for growth and understanding when one is able to reconcile these seemingly opposing forces.

It is this author's recommendation that the reader peruse the following book: "Good Solitude" by Chen Guo.

The world is, by its very nature, cold and indifferent. However, it is imbued with a quality of preciousness as a result of the presence of love.

Hello, I'm Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who likes to use images to explain things.

The original poster lost her father when she was young and married a man from a different town. It seems that her husband, who used to be able to meet all her needs without question, is also tired.

It's like the emptiness of emotions is a bottomless pit that can never be filled.

It's true that not having a father figure in your life can impact your personal growth. However, different mindsets can lead to different outcomes.

If you keep reminding yourself that you never had a dad, that you've never seen a husband and wife get along, and that you need to be protected and loved, it's like your mind is stuck in childhood, waiting for others to "give alms" to you as a matter of course.

From what you've said, it seems like the little girl who is "waiting to be fed" is starting to grow up. She's looking for ways to be self-sufficient and is realizing that she needs to start loving herself.

Husbands and wives are equal. It's good for a husband to take a step back sometimes. It's a way of growing. He might realize that he can't always be the "loving father," and that he also has needs that need to be met by a loving wife.

Your husband's withdrawal from his role as "father" also gives you the chance to take a step back and see him from your wife's perspective. Your suspicion about his relationship with his female colleague is also a form of love-based jealousy.

Of course, we can't just let jealousy run rampant. It's destructive to the relationship.

We can see how people change from how they act, give them a boost for the parts that have grown, and stop worrying about the worst-case scenario.

I don't know why my father chose to take his own life back then, but it caused a lot of damage to the family. It's not easy for you to get to where you are now. What's helped you get to this point must be related to your inner resources and strengths, but you don't yet have enough knowledge and understanding of them.

If you can get psychological counseling, it will help you understand yourself better. I hope I can be there for you on this journey.

All the best!

Hello, my dear friends!

Hello, I'm Kelly Shui!

Let's chat about security and independence!

[How to improve your sense of security]

As a child, it's so sad that I didn't get as much love and attention from my parents as I would have liked.

At the same time, we should also thank ourselves. Our mother and you are very strong, and we should recognize that. Another reason is that our culture has a prejudice against single parents. We also think that children of single parents are more likely to have psychological problems, low confidence-and-self-esteem-after-being-abused-what-should-i-do-29945.html" target="_blank">self-esteem, insecurity, and be out of step with the people around them.

I am a child of ️parents, a complete family, and I also had to deal with some tough stuff growing up. I had low self-esteem and felt insecure.

I'd love to share a few tips with you that I've found really helpful.

1: We can change our minds and change ourselves. If we feel secure in ourselves, we can be less demanding of others.

So, how can we make this change?

Let's say, for instance, that in my marriage, I feel like my husband might cheat on me. I think he goes out for work-related drinks, and I feel like I don't have a sense of security. After marriage, I always want to control the other half for a while.

When he comes home late, my heart starts racing with worry, and I feel all kinds of fear. I know it also puts a lot of pressure on him.

It's so important to remember that we can't rely on others to make us feel secure. If we try to find strength and security in our husbands, for example, we might end up feeling disappointed when they don't live up to our expectations.

A teacher once said something that really stuck with me.

It's so important to remember to see the "I" in us! When we focus our attention outwardly, hoping that others (including parents and lovers) will satisfy us, what we really need is a sense of security.

And wouldn't it be lovely if the other person said they loved me every day, or did something to show me, to satisfy my inner sense of security with this kind of external expression? This is the only way I can gain a sense of security.

This is a really important point. It means that what we actually need inside is the feeling of security, but we often think that the only way to get it is to have someone else give it to us. At that time, we believe that a sense of security comes from our family, parents, and after marriage, from our loved ones.

We all forget about ourselves sometimes! If we change our thinking, how can I give myself a sense of security?

How can I give myself a sense of security?

And then, we start to find our strength within ourselves.

If you're feeling insecure in a relationship and having trouble trusting others, the first thing to ask yourself is whether you have enough inner strength.

How can we build our own foundation or confidence?

We can set ourselves a learning plan and expand our knowledge and boundaries through reading, which is a great way to learn!

We can also help others within our abilities, for example, answering questions on Yi Xinli. If we persist, it will also give us a sense of security, worthiness, and meaning, and this will also slowly give us a sense of security. Our own circle My husband also has to go to work, so we make friends on our own, we go and interact with friends, or use the knowledge we have learned to share with friends.

You can definitely cultivate your interests, such as painting and calligraphy, and try not to waste your time. I'm sure that over time, you will become more confident.

2: It's okay to accept that we feel insecure sometimes. When we feel insecure, it's important to remember that it's okay to admit that we lack this sense of security.

And talk to your husband honestly. It might be that this is a part of yourself that you need to work through and grow at the moment. You could say something like, "I'm feeling insecure and lacking." (Open and honest communication allows us to easily be ourselves and accept this part of the truth.)

It's so important to first acknowledge that this feeling is real.

If you'd like, you can also look into speaking with a professional counselor together.

3: You can also look for friends you click with more, or you could ask your husband how he manages to feel secure.

You can also learn from him, from the people around him, or from the people in the book. There are so many wonderful role models out there!

If there's a role model in your life or at work, you can learn so much from the way he or she deals with people and things. It's amazing how he finds the strength to communicate with others and go to work every day!

?️With the ability to learn, you will become more confident, and so will our strengths. And don't worry about your shortcomings, they're allowed to exist and you can slowly overcome them.

4: You can keep a growth diary! Just write down 30 good qualities you have and one each day.

5: Give yourself a big pat on the back! You're an adult now, and you can help yourself. The little girl has grown up, and it's time to give herself some positive mental suggestions.

6: You can go practice yoga, meditation, connect with your past self, ask her, see her, and talk to her.

Remember, growth takes time. Keep at it, and you'll see the results!

And don't forget to thank yourself for all your hard work along the way!

[About spiritual independence]

There are three different levels of independence, and we can all achieve them! The first is independence in self-care, the second is financial independence, and the third is spiritual independence. They're all achievable, and we can do it together!

1: As we all know, self-care is something that changes as we grow older. When you become an adult, you naturally know how to do everything (for example, doing some housework, cooking, living a good life on your own, decorating your home, etc.).

2: Financial independence, your own working ability, or planning money with your husband.

As we get older, our income will naturally increase, and of course it will decline again when we get old. (This process also involves financial management, arranging the family's money reasonably, and learning to manage finances is also part of our independence.)

3: Spiritual independence is the only thing that has little to do with age, or at least, there is no necessary relationship. (For example, Ms. Yang Jiang, after her husband and lover passed away, she still had her own spiritual world.)

That's why we brought it up earlier. We all have our own hobbies and reasonable arrangements, and we'll get there! We'll gradually perfect ourselves, including our characters. Learning is something we must persevere with for the rest of our lives.

I'd love to suggest a few books that I think you'll really enjoy! They're called "From Birth to Independence," "Growing Up in Relationships," and "Intimate Relationships," and they're all really great.

We grow together, my friend!

Happy birthday, dear friend!