Comparing myself to others makes me feel aggrieved and lonely. How can I change?

Hello question asker.

I'm Li Hongxia, a listener.

Seeing that you feel bad when you compare yourself to others, hug yourself. This sentence also made me feel bad.

My past self was similar to yours. From the time I started school, my mother would ask me about my grades and who was ahead of me in class. When I was young, I didn't feel much, but as I grew older and studied psychology, I realized that my past self was pitiful and lonely. My mother and family members measured our level of achievement, but ignored what I was really thinking. Sometimes when I think about this, I feel weak and helpless, and I didn't like that atmosphere. As I gained a deeper understanding of myself, I began to change my focus. I realized that the previous way of thinking was wrong. As parents, we may not be able to change them, but I can change myself. All kinds of comparisons in the past were wrong because comparing our weaknesses with other people's strengths makes it hard to compare well and makes us feel down.

Let's think about the word "compare."

Asking this question makes you think about changing and becoming more aware of yourself.

Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. Instead, focus on your own strengths and work on your weaknesses. This will help you feel more confident.

Comparing ourselves with others shows that we have an upward-looking heart inside, and we hope that we can shine too. So why don't we turn comparison into appreciation, and ask others for advice? For example, if we had asked our classmates more often whether we had also made great progress, we could have been more at peace inside, made progress every day, and gradually become more confident. When we become confident, perhaps we will let ourselves be more open-minded, appreciate ourselves and others, and make progress together. Perhaps what we see is another self.

It's normal to have negative emotions. Accept them and then become aware of them. Why do they happen? We can explore ourselves and understand ourselves to find out why. It's necessary to seek counseling so we can become more self-consistent and more harmonious. We can then gain a unique self, adjust our state, and set off again.

I'm Li Hongxia, a listening therapist. I hope I can help you and that you get better.

Hello, questioner. I am Li Yamin, a psychological counselor. First of all, I want to give you a big hug. You're feeling aggrieved and lonely because you're comparing yourself to others and don't know how to change? You must be feeling pretty depressed and helpless right now. Let's take a look at what's going on.

Many people in our lives have the habit of comparing. In primary and secondary school, we compare grades; after university, we compare abilities; after starting work, we compare resources and achievements. We spend our whole lives looking for a reference point because we don't know what we are like. We use our grades, abilities, and achievements as the standard parameters for a portrait in the group and generate an "image of myself" like AI. But is this data result really that reliable? Compared with the faces of real people, the real way they are, and the imperfect self, is an AI robot that meets the standards in every way really that important?

Let's be real. When we were born, we didn't know what "comparison" was. This repetitive pattern of "over-comparison" was probably formed by the education and guidance of certain adults, mainly our parents or important caregivers. But when we become adults, the situation is reversed. "A good family background and good genes" become our hidden expectations for our parents. This process of mutual evaluation is cyclical. It personifies things, which adds more unhappy feelings.

As the original poster said at the end, "I'm afraid of offending people while trying to please others." If you constantly worry about what you gain and lose, and if you live a life without a stable core and self, and if you constantly engage in so-called comparisons, no matter what the outcome, you will only increase your negative emotions. This is not the life we want, and we must stop doing this.

I have to tell you the killer phrase I use most often during my visits: "So what exactly am I supposed to do?" I'll be honest with you. I don't know how to quit excessive comparison either. Everyone grows up in different environments, and there is no set of proven rules that apply to everyone. But we can consider the following aspects:

1. About emotions:

I am wronged when I compare myself to others. I am lonely, confused, and remorseful when I do so. These emotions are the language of the body, telling me something deep inside. I have known for a long time that this is not the life I want. It has caused me too much trouble. I am done with over-comparison.

2. About the self:

I want to know: What kind of person am I? I want to know where my learning qualities, personality traits, comprehensive qualities, resources and supportive forces, interests and happy experiences come from.

Questioning the above aspects will undoubtedly take more than ten or twenty years of your life. Putting aside the parameters obtained through "excessive comparison," we must rely on our own judgment to create a self-portrait. We must maintain a curiosity about ourselves and avoid judging anything. We must simply see if there are any new discoveries.

3. About relationships:

"How do I get along with myself?" I am not a tool to be used. I am a living being with flesh and blood, needs and desires.

We can be strong or weak, capable or incompetent. When I allow myself to exist in the world in any form, I create a new connection between mind and body.

"How do I view others?" I refuse to believe that I and others must have a hostile relationship. I refuse to believe that I must win you in order to achieve a sense of value in my existence in the world. In addition to competition, there is also cooperation in relationships. There is nourishment and growth that comes from a good relationship.

I believe that we can all achieve a sense of value in our existence in the world. We can do this by allowing ourselves to exist in the world in any form, and by creating a new connection between mind and body. Furthermore, I believe that we can all create good relationships. These relationships can be based on competition, but they can also be based on cooperation and nourishment and growth.

After reading the title of your essay, I was compelled to share some thoughts that came to mind. I hope they offer you support and help.

Hello, lovely people! Let's have a chat about this topic.

First, let's chat about "anxiety/how-can-a-15-year-old-girl-deal-with-pre-competition-anxiety-and-worry-about-making-mistakes-which-leads-to-poor-performance-7759.html" target="_blank">competition." It's become a pretty common catchphrase in recent years, hasn't it? It seems like we've entered a society where comparisons and competition are everywhere. It's like no one can steal a moment of leisure, and no one cares about music, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry, wine, or flowers. Anxiety seems to have become a common state of mind in society.

We're all in a dynamic social environment, and it's only natural to compare ourselves to others to assess our personal attitudes, abilities, and social values. This helps us make a correct evaluation of ourselves based on this benchmark. The more similar the person being compared is to ourselves, the stronger the sense of comparison we experience. After all, similar experiences make us feel that we are clearly on the same starting line. It's only natural to wonder why they're better than us!

As the questioner said, when I was at school, I compared myself to my classmates, and when I was at university, I compared myself to the student union president. I really wanted to be better than everyone else, but I found that I could not compete with others.

It's so easy to see the glamorous side of others, and it may be true. But as the "iceberg theory" says, what you see of the iceberg is always the top tenth that is above the surface of the water. Maybe the person sitting at the same table as you started out in a different place than you, or maybe you didn't notice the talent that person has, or perhaps you didn't see the efforts the minister made, or maybe you didn't feel the minister's persistence...

Everyone's life situation and circumstances are different, and often times this can lead to invisible anxiety and pressure. The good news is that you don't have to follow in anyone else's footsteps! Adler's subject separation tells us that you are you, he is he, and others are living their lives.

We can take a good, honest look at ourselves and write down our strengths and weaknesses. Then, we can try to accept ourselves, and say to ourselves, "I may have shortcomings, but I accept myself, and I am also making progress."

Clear the fog of comparison, stop being tortured by the urge to compare, and stop being led by the nose by upward comparison. Sometimes just be grateful for the present moment, and compare yourself to yourself. Even if you make a little progress every day, you can see the shining you!

Let's chat about pleasing others. Think back to your childhood. When you first started to walk or hold a chopstick, were you interrupted and stopped countless times by your mother because she was worried and anxious about you and afraid of the consequences? We all do it! We judge ourselves when we are unsure of something, and that is, "I can't do it well." At this time, our sense of self-efficacy will gradually become a problem, so that we become vulnerable as adults and care a lot about other people's opinions and feelings. This is based on a low self-evaluation, or our inner strength is not strong enough, so we will blame ourselves for our inadequacies or shortcomings.

I totally get where the original poster is coming from. I'm also afraid of offending people and trying to please others, even if they're better or worse than me. Unfortunately, this always leads to negative emotions.

Let's ask ourselves some questions. What is it that makes us want to avoid offending people? What is it that makes us want to please others?

It's also a great idea to think about what we feel when someone is kind to us.

It can also be really helpful to ask yourself: What are my real needs? And what should my ideal relationship look like?

When we notice those not-so-great feelings coming up, we can try asking ourselves, "What am I worried about? What does this remind me of?"

When we start to accept our emotions and let them flow, it's much easier to stay in control of our behavior. It can also be helpful to write down what we're feeling in the moment.

Your writing is just for you, so please feel free to write about your feelings as honestly and openly as you like. This will help us understand the origins and effects of emotions and help us clarify the root causes of problems.

Finally, let's talk about loving yourself. It's great that the original poster is aware of her emotions and has very clear values. Then let's start by caring for ourselves, taking care of our bodies and our feelings.

If this thing bothers you, don't worry! It's totally normal to need help sometimes. You can always talk to a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support. Or, if you feel the need, you can also find a counselor. It's important to express our emotions to relieve the heaviness and blockages in our hearts.

We must also empower ourselves, telling ourselves that we have grown up and can affirm and satisfy our own needs, express and communicate our own thoughts, and accept and appreciate our imperfect selves. Other people's opinions are just a minor issue. It's so important to learn to look within, care for yourself, and when our core is stable, we will find the eye of life for ourselves, as well as the eye of love and, of course, the eye of living a happy life.

I'd highly recommend reading "You Are the Answer"!

Hello, I'm Bai Li Yina, and I'm thrilled to be your answerer! I hope my reply can bring you some warmth and help.

The questioner shared that she always compares herself to others, from school to work, and this mentality of comparison never stops. She always feels that she is not as good as others, and the result of this comparison, whether good or bad, will generate negative emotions in you. She feels miserable about this and is ready to make a change!

[Situation analysis]

When you feel that your friends around you are better than you, and you are obviously trying hard to live your life, but you are not getting the expected rewards, why not switch gears and focus on what you are doing well? What have I done wrong? The negative emotions that keep floating out of the comparison haunt you, but you can't help but think about them. This kind of mental torture is so maddening. How do we stop this kind of internal emotional drain?

[Questions to ponder]

1. When did you start comparing yourself to others? Did your parents' expectations of you from an early age make you compare yourself to others in everything?

Or have you ever gained pleasure from comparisons in the past?

2. When you choose someone you want to compare yourself with, it's so interesting to see what you compare everything to! Do you compare everything with the other person, or do you compare only the other person's strengths? What triggers your desire to compare yourself with the other person?

3. What do you love about yourself? What are you thrilled about in your life?

4. Wouldn't it be great if you could be happy without comparing yourself to others? Imagine being truly satisfied with your current life!

[Recommended method to try]

Once you realize that you are suffering because of this, it's time for a change! Comparing yourself with others without enjoying the pleasure of winning makes you feel uncomfortable. But there's more to it than that! Does your discomfort only come from the results of comparison?

What really makes you feel bad is probably your dissatisfaction with the status quo. But there's so much you can do to change that!

The world is full of people who are just like you! We're all in the same boat. It's important to know what you're comparing yourself to.

Positive comparisons are like a friendly competition. They help you break through your own limits and improve more and faster in the short term. Negative comparisons are just to make you feel your own inadequacy more obviously. But don't worry! The bad emotions produced are not enough to motivate you to change.

You know you're not as good as the other person, but you're great just the way you are!

It is so important to find the meaning of your comparison! A meaningful comparison is relatively positive and will give you a wonderful sense of purpose and motivation to improve in life. Ask yourself, why do you want to compare with Ta?

It is so important to like yourself! No matter who you compare yourself to, you need to know what your strengths are. Whether you win or lose, you will know in your heart what you like about yourself, and you won't feel sad about the things you don't yet have!

Start by praising yourself for one thing every day. What did you do well today? You're great! Tomorrow, praise yourself for a certain idea. You're amazing! Praising yourself can increase your self-affirmation. It doesn't have to be a big thing, any little thing will do. You worked hard today, I'm a hard worker, that's great! Learning to praise yourself will give you a lot of joy.

When you see the amazing results of your own hard work, you realize that you can achieve anything you set your mind to! You can create a life you love by working hard every day. You don't have to compare yourself with others. You can also try comparing yourself with yesterday's self. Are you happier today than yesterday? If not, don't be discouraged. You can try harder tomorrow to make yourself happier!

You may think this method is a bit silly, but it is a real and proven method. At least I have benefited from it, so I really hope it will also help you stop being bothered by negative emotions. I really hope you will also become happy again, and that you will pay more attention to yourself and love yourself more. No one in the world is more important to you than yourself, and you deserve all the good things in the world!

The world and I love you so much! We really hope you find the most comfortable state of life.

Hello, question asker! I'm 333, and I just wanted to extend a warm gesture of support and encouragement when I saw your question.

It's admirable that you're taking the initiative to break this cycle that has led to negative emotions. Taking the first step to solve your problem is a great start!

Competition is an unavoidable aspect of comparison, whether it's conscious or unconscious. I empathize with your situation because I've experienced intense instances of comparison as well. During that time, I found myself immediately seeking to gauge the popularity of my work and whether it surpassed that of the person I was comparing it to. I was driven by the desire to see that I had "won" over the other person.

It is perhaps worth noting that we are not truly comparable, and that I may even consider myself to be slightly better than the other person, but I still find myself comparing.

After I had managed to gain the upper hand and experienced a fleeting sense of triumph, I began to identify the areas where I felt less confident in comparison to the other person. It's an intriguing phenomenon, isn't it? Despite having already emerged victorious, I still felt a sense of inferiority towards the other person and even sought out evidence to reinforce this feeling: "It's evident that I'm not as strong as they are, and it's possible that they're only recognizing me to offer comfort."

In order to find a way out of this situation, I have also looked for ways to get out of it. Based on my own experience, I would like to make some suggestions.

First, it would be helpful to identify where the comparison may be coming from. It's not typically something that people engage in from the time they are born. It's not something that is a basic need. There is no evidence to suggest that "you can only survive by comparing yourself to others."

It is possible that the earliest comparison may come from our parents, and that the earliest object of comparison may be "the neighbor's child." It is often the case that finding the cause of a problem is already half the battle.

It is perfectly fine if you are unable to identify the source. One possible approach is to trace the source, and another is to change the current situation.

It might be said that excessive comparison means paying too much attention to the outside world and thus neglecting one's inner feelings. It could be argued that the result of comparison is always negative emotions, whether it is better or worse.

Perhaps the purpose of oneself is not to compare, but to feel more affirmed and pay more attention to oneself.

Secondly, take a moment to reflect on your own journey. Each of these paths is worthy of praise in its own right.

If you must compare, perhaps it would be more beneficial to do so between your current self and your previous self. This comparison is entirely fair. Everyone has their own unique set of resources, including factors such as their birth environment, family situation, and genetic influence. It's important to recognize that not everyone is suited to logical work. For instance, individuals who are naturally emotional may find it challenging to thrive in an environment that emphasizes logic. It's crucial to consider the potential limitations of forcing someone into an environment that doesn't align with their natural strengths.

Such an environment can sometimes make people feel inferior, doubt themselves, and even deny themselves. It's important to recognize that this can actually limit the other person's creativity. They may have the potential to shine in terms of creativity, but they may have misjudged their own position.

It's perfectly fine if you're not sure what your strengths are right now. Just try anything that interests you. This time, try to avoid thinking about competition in terms of "I want to win." Instead, focus on discovering your abilities from the perspective of "I can do that."

There are 8.02 billion people in the world, and each one of them has a reason to exist, including you. There is a branch of psychology called cognitive psychology. If you were to learn about it, you might discover that the brains of boys and girls develop differently from birth (not to say that the other sex does not have one as well). Even two people who are genetically similar will have differences.

Each of us is special and irreplaceable because we are all unique.

"Life is short, so perhaps it's best not to be too hard on yourself over minor issues."

I encourage you to consider choosing to love yourself today, and I hope that the world and I can show our love for you in return.

I hope this is helpful. It was a pleasure answering your question!

After reading your story, I was moved. I also had a similar experience, so I can relate to you. I also have insights to share with you in this area.

At school, I also compared myself to others in everything, from exam results to running competitions and painting. I refused to be second best and was determined to be the best at everything.

Sometimes, the results are not what I want, and it makes me very tired and haggard. I later realized that it was my strong competitiveness at play. I always see the good points and strengths of others, and I feel that I am worthless. I have always been very troubled, and I always ask myself why my efforts are not directly proportional, why others are so responsive, and I am so dull. A lot of negative emotions affect my life, and every day I am especially unhappy and stressed. It's like a stone is pressing on my chest, and I can't breathe, and I feel especially aggrieved.

I decided I wasn't going to put up with it anymore, so I took control.

Once I let go and cleared my mind, I realized I'm already excellent at sorting out my thoughts. I've worked hard, struggled, and have a positive attitude. I've surpassed some people. I care too much about the results, comparing everything, and I can't see my own hard work and excellence. I'm too focused on other people. Once I figured it out, my heart opened up. I am the only me in the world. I just need to follow my own path, and there's no need to compare myself with others.

Change your attitude and your mood will change. You will be much happier, you will affirm yourself, you will gain a lot, and you will get better and better.

You need to stop worrying about offending others and trying to please them. It's inevitable that comparing yourself to others will produce negative emotions. This shows that you are soft and sensitive at heart. You long for a harmonious environment, but you're worried that if you are too outstanding, you will cause resentment in others. You're also afraid of inferiority complexes if you are not outstanding.

These are all normal emotions and part of your personality. Don't dwell on them. Be more casual about things. You'll feel better.

We've all had similar experiences and the same worries. We often feel aggrieved, lonely, unhappy, and anxious. But don't be afraid. If you want to change, happiness is close to you. As long as you let go, don't overthink, believe in yourself, don't compare, discover more about yourself, don't waste energy on internal conflicts, and focus on yourself and your strengths, you will be very happy. I hope this helps, and I wish you the best.

Hello, I'm Phil, and I'm here to give you a warm hug.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this.

From what you said, it's clear that

You always compare yourself with others. At school, you compared yourself with your desk mate. At university, you compared yourself with the student union minister. You can't find your own advantages and hope that you can be better than others. You find that you can't compare with others in anything.

My colleagues are from well-off families and are fashionable and beautiful. I feel inadequate and am afraid of offending people, so I try to please others. Whether I compare myself to others and feel that they are better or worse than me, I always end up with negative emotions. This has to stop.

When we unconsciously compare ourselves with others, we often think, "Why can't I be like them?" This is a flawed way of thinking.

For example, when comparing your disadvantages to others' advantages, or when comparing the same thing, you may not be as talented as others, and you may not work as hard as others. But you know what? Others have worked hundreds of times harder to achieve such results. And they only see the glamorous time on stage. They ignore the ten years of hard work behind the scenes.

Here's what you can do when you're in a situation of comparison:

?

1️⃣ Accept that comparison is inevitable. It's not about eliminating comparison from your life, but rather understanding it and managing it.

Comparison is the driving force for progress. It enables us to recognize the differences between people. While it can lead to overconfidence or excessive inferiority, it is precisely because of comparison that we can understand more truths and see more things.

Be appropriate and set limits. Excessive comparison distracts you from yourself and prevents you from seeing the truth. However, appropriate comparison is a powerful tool that can drive us forward and help us see things more clearly.

2. Compare in a different way.

You must learn to compare yourself to others, to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, and to recognize that comparisons are not inherently unfair.

For example, if I'm not good at math and I compare myself to someone who is good at math, then I know I can't beat them. I'll be anxious and I'll give up on myself, wondering why I'm so bad at math.

As a writer, I am confident in my command of the Chinese language and writing skills. When I compare myself to someone who doesn't know how to publish an article, I am not worried. I know I am more knowledgeable and experienced. This makes the other person anxious because they lack the same knowledge and experience.

Learn to compare yourself with others in the right way and at the right time. For example, if I am a law graduate, I can think about why the other party has judged in this way, what my own point of view is, why it is different, and which one is the correct answer. I can also think about how I differ from the other party, thus turning the comparison into a positive feedback.

3️⃣ When a comparison causes you pain or affects your life, stop. If you can't stop, seek help. Never let an emotion intensify to the point of affecting your daily life or body.

I am confident that my answer will help you.

I love you, and I hope the world loves you too.

Greetings. I am Jane, and I am grateful for this opportunity to make your acquaintance.

The psychology of comparison is a pervasive phenomenon in human experience. It is a common practice for individuals to engage in comparisons with others, to varying degrees and to differing extents.

It is important to recognize that our comprehension of the world is shaped by comparison. By contrasting the experiences of individuals who are content with their lives with those who are not, we can identify the distinctions and learn from the actions of the former group to lead happier lives ourselves.

Consequently, the psychology of comparison should not be regarded as inherently pessimistic. It is an inevitable aspect of human psychology and plays a significant role in our lives.

It is therefore pertinent to inquire as to why the psychology of comparison also engenders feelings of unhappiness.

First, it is essential to identify the underlying motivation behind the act of comparing oneself to others. As evidenced by your own description, the mere act of comparison elicits negative emotions, regardless of the outcome. This suggests that your primary objective in engaging in such comparisons is to evaluate your own worth.

If one bases one's self-worth on comparisons with others, this is an indication of a lack of self-worth. Individuals with a stable and strong core have their own comprehensive system of evaluation that is independent of others.

Those who evaluate their self-worth through comparison tend to have a vague sense of self and an exaggerated perception of the positive attributes of others, which ultimately leads to feelings of self-deprecation and increased insecurity.

It is therefore imperative to recognise that if one wishes to achieve a state of happiness, it is imperative to understand that one's self-evaluation is not contingent upon the opinions of others. Consequently, it is not possible to ascertain one's own value by comparing oneself to others.

In light of these considerations, it is pertinent to inquire as to the potential benefits of a comparative mentality.

As previously stated, it is essential to understand the purpose of comparison. This awareness is crucial to ensure that the psychology of comparison is utilized effectively. In today's society, comparison is inevitable. It is, therefore, essential to harness this characteristic to facilitate self-growth.

The act of comparison is an integral component of the learning process. Through comparison, individuals can identify their own shortcomings. It is important to note that recognizing these shortcomings does not imply that an individual's personality is deficient. Rather, it is essential to avoid magnifying these shortcomings. The objective is not to prove that one is deficient but to learn, grow, and improve through the recognition of one's own shortcomings.

It is evident that the initial step towards advancement is to ascertain the areas in which one's knowledge is deficient. The psychology of comparison can effectively assist in this process of self-awareness.

In conclusion, the psychology of comparison should be regarded as a source of guidance, rather than a means of condemnation.

It is my sincere hope that this response has been of some assistance to you.

Persevere!

Hello! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for raising this thought-provoking question.

You have a question about "Comparing myself to others makes me feel aggrieved and lonely. How can I change?" Let's discuss it.

1. Introduction

1. Love to compare

You said, "I always compare myself with others. In school, I compared myself with my desk mate; in university, I compared myself with the student union minister. I can't grow to my strengths, and I hope I can be better than everyone else, but I can't compare with others in anything... Now that I'm working, my colleagues come from very good families and are fashionable and pretty, and I feel inadequate in everything."

Likes to compare

You said you always compare yourself with others, including classmates, the student union minister, and colleagues at work.

Self-deprecation

After you start working, you realize that your colleagues are from well-off families and are fashionable. You feel inferior and ashamed in comparison.

2. Worry

You say, "I'm afraid of offending people, and I'm a bit of a pleaser. Comparing myself to others makes me feel bad, and I don't want to do this anymore."

Personality

You are more introverted, try to please others, and lack self-confidence because you are afraid of offending people. You are prone to negative emotions.

It's hard.

You know you have many shortcomings. You don't want to compare yourself to others because it makes you feel bad. You want to change, but you don't know how.

2. Analyze why you feel inferior.

1. Social comparison

Social comparison

In 1954, social psychologist Festinger said that everyone compares themselves to others. This helps them understand their abilities and limitations.

A common thing.

From a social comparison perspective, this is a common human psychology. We can see where we stand and our own value after making social comparisons.

If we compare ourselves with others and find that we are better, we can feel more confident and proud. This can help us to keep going.

There are problems.

Happiness is lacking.

The problem with comparing ourselves is that we don't know what makes us happy.

Blind confidence or pessimism

If we are not as good as others, we will feel inferior and depressed. We will either be confident or not confident in ourselves.

2. Family influence

The family you are born into.

The term "original family" refers to the family in which a person is born and raised. How children behave in their new family is affected by the atmosphere, lifestyle, habits, role models, and interactions in their original family.

Influence

Comparing yourself is not a new problem. It's related to your living environment and family.

? Low self-esteem

The questioner's parents often compare them to others and make judgments about their qualities. This makes the questioner feel inferior.

Unable to achieve oneself.

The questioner's parents blame and criticize them. This makes the questioner feel bad and deny themselves. They don't understand themselves, so they can't achieve anything.

3⃣️, due to personality

The questioner likes to compare and please others. I think the questioner is calm and pleasant.

People with a pleasing personality

A pleasing personality is one that blindly seeks to please others without regard for one's own feelings. It is unhealthy. Pleasing others means making others feel comfortable.

The questioner compares with others and takes care of other people's emotions, while ignoring your feelings.

Depressed personality

People with a melancholic personality have:

Thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

Strengths: perceptive, loyal, talented, insightful.

Weaknesses: stubborn, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, passive.

The questioner is not confident and feels secure by pleasing others. He is sensitive, demands perfection, dwells on problems, and hesitates. This is a sign of a lack of self-confidence and he is prone to pessimism, anxiety, and conflict.

3. How to change

1. Understand yourself.

Know yourself.

Knowing yourself means understanding your character, abilities, emotions, needs, strengths, and values.

Be confident in yourself.

We compare ourselves to others because we don't know ourselves.

If we understand ourselves, we can use our strengths and abilities to achieve things and feel proud of ourselves.

2. Improve self-awareness.

Self-awareness

Self-awareness is also called self-knowledge or self-identity. It is a complex psychological phenomenon made up of three parts: self-knowledge, self-experience, and self-control. These three parts are related and affect each other, and they come together in the individual's self-awareness.

Improve self-awareness.

Be more aware of yourself.

We become more self-aware by learning to feel, observe, analyze, and criticize ourselves.

Improve your self-experience.

We enhance our emotional experience through self-awareness, self-love, self-esteem, self-care, inferiority, responsibility, duty, and superiority.

Improve self-control.

We can improve our self-control through exercises such as self-reliance, autonomy, self-control, self-improvement, self-defense, and self-discipline.

Once you improve your self-awareness, you'll understand yourself better, feel your feelings, and control your behavior. You're rich inside, so you don't need to rely on others to determine your worth. You don't have to please others to live a happy, carefree life.

No anxiety or worry.

3⃣ Be yourself.

Be yourself.

Being yourself means being true to yourself and doing what you want.

Happiness

Happiness is a feeling that comes from different things in your life, like family, work, and relationships.

Happiness

If we can be ourselves, we can do what we want and achieve success. This is loving ourselves.

Questioner, if we understand ourselves, build self-confidence, and enhance self-awareness, we can improve our understanding of ourselves and gain happiness.

These are my thoughts on the question. I hope they help the original poster. Finally, I wish the original poster happiness!

Greetings,

A teacher I admire once posited that comparison is a pervasive issue in contemporary society. I am in complete agreement with this assessment.

Regardless of whether one compares winners and losers in a chain, it is evident that neither freedom nor happiness can be attained.

The act of comparing oneself to others, regardless of whether one perceives oneself as inferior or superior, entails a departure from one's own self-identity and an active submission to an external standard. This process involves a weighing of one's own attributes against those of others, which ultimately serves to impede personal growth and development.

Attempting to become stronger by attacking oneself is an ineffective strategy. Even if it is successful, and one becomes a formidable individual, if one looks within, one finds oneself constrained by an unattainable standard.

This is why so many successful individuals are not content. Despite apparent material success and a sense of having surpassed others, they still experience distress. This is particularly acute given their sense of being bound to a high cross, with the prospect of regression representing a significant threat.

You assert that regardless of whether one is perceived as superior or inferior to others, the internal consequence is a negative emotional state. This assertion is indeed accurate.

Once an individual begins to compare themselves to others, they lose their sense of direction and purpose. It is akin to abandoning the intended path, disrupting the planned rhythm, and deviating from one's established patterns of behavior.

Running with others in a single lane is exhausting and confusing. Once a competitor has achieved victory, it is not necessarily the case that they must then expend significant effort to enter another lane, particularly if the competitor in the other lane has already demonstrated their superiority.

If one were to observe an individual engaged in a seemingly erratic series of athletic pursuits, encompassing hurdles, marathons, discus, and high jump, one might conclude that such a person was exhibiting signs of both mental fatigue and a lack of focus.

Those who are constantly engaged in self-comparison may be regarded as being similar to the foolish man in the aforementioned example. Throughout our lives, we may be likened to a headless fly, moving about in a state of frenzied activity and exhaustion, yet lacking an understanding of the nature of our existence.

In this vast world, whether one leads a glamorous life or is an ordinary person unknown to others, the meaning of one's life may be found in whether, in the limited time one has, one has truly lived up to one's innermost desires, whether one has truly bravely and to the best of one's abilities moved in the direction one wants to go, and whether one has truly become the person one wants to be. Regardless of how far one has come and how much one has achieved, one is on the path one has chosen in one's heart.

If this is the case, it can be posited that a state of peace will be attained, and a satisfactory answer will have been provided to the self. Upon the conclusion of one's life, a reduced number of regrets will be experienced.

Regardless of one's occupation, whether it be as a salesperson in a small supermarket, a street cleaner, or a delivery person, each individual bears responsibility for their own life through the exertion of effort and the payment of dues. The capacity to demonstrate understanding, respect, and tolerance towards loved ones, friends, and children is also a common human trait.

One might endeavor to actualize the qualities of sincerity, responsibility, love, understanding, and compassion in one's own life. Regardless of one's circumstances, this can be a personally meaningful pursuit, potentially leading to a sense of well-being.

Zong, the founder of Wahaha, passed away some time ago. Many people attended his funeral spontaneously and continue to support Wahaha in various ways. It can be argued that his business success was not the sole factor in this regard; rather, it was the quality of life he lived that resonated with people. In the face of significant interests and challenges, he remained true to his original aspirations, demonstrating resilience and compassion for others.

The desire for him is also a response to the inner yearnings of people. It is a common aspiration to live out these qualities, which can be achieved by individuals in their own lives.

One must cease comparing oneself to others, listen attentively to one's inner voice, take action gradually, discover one's own path, and live in accordance with one's own values. One should allow the grass to grow into a verdant blade, the flowers to bloom in their native hues, and the trees to flourish into a majestic green form.

Life presents a variety of landscapes, and within these diverse settings, the qualities of perseverance, freedom, independence, strength, tolerance, and love are intertwined. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It is recommended that you simply radiate your own light.

It is my hope that this information has been beneficial. I am Xu Yanlian, a listening coach, and I encourage you to engage in further discussion.

With best regards,

Hello, questioner! I am Rose, and I'm so excited to listen to you and be there for you!

From your writing, I can feel your pain, and I'm so excited to help you understand how hard it has been for you over the years.

Your life experiences have made you feel pain and displeasure, but you can change that! You don't want to continue feeling this way. Your reason is pulling you along, telling you to face this pain.

When you are willing to face it, then change begins!

Let's talk about it!

1. Comparison with others

Comparing ourselves with others is something we all do, and it's a great way to learn and grow! We tend to see what others have that we don't have, which gives us the opportunity to work on our own strengths.

And it is in this comparison that we increasingly find others so outstanding and ourselves so inferior.

But there is hope! Over time, we can learn to use a positive perspective to evaluate ourselves and embrace our own strengths.

In fact, everyone has both strengths and weaknesses, and everyone has their own unique characteristics and bright spots! It's so important to recognize that we all have something to offer, and that we can't always rely on others to make us feel good about ourselves. We need to focus on ourselves and our own potential, and remember that we are all capable of so much more than we sometimes realize!

And the further you go down this path, the more you compare yourself to your classmates as a child, and to your colleagues when you grow up and work. With this inherent self-evaluation system, we see ourselves as worthless. But there is hope! We can change our entire world by embracing self-affirmation.

The absolute best thing you can do for your mind is to give yourself a good dose of self-affirmation!

Self-affirmation comes from being affirmed by our parents when we were young. But when our parents often compare us with others, we get to learn their evaluation system and gradually see ourselves through this lens.

Every comparison with others is a rejection of oneself — and it's time to stop!

A person who has not gained self-affirmation is restless and has no foundation within. But there is hope! If he cannot even accept himself, how can he control himself to take charge of his own life? This sense of helplessness and powerlessness will occupy our entire spiritual world and become the spiritual blood that we will grow up with in the future, allowing us to go further and further down this path. And we can do it!

A person who has been affirmed by their parents since childhood has a wonderful sense of self-acceptance and self-affirmation, and is supported and believed in by others. They live their own lives, rather than living a life of comparison with others.

He can be free to be himself, see his own bright spots, and also give full play to his own potential!

Seeing is healing!

And now, you who are in pain, get ready to see all this, see how you have been for so many years, and see why you are now in such deep pain.

Seeing it for what it is is the first step to solving the problem and healing the pain. You are caring for your spiritual world and unlocking the energy and wisdom that life itself possesses.

The wisdom of life itself will show you the way out of pain! So, go and find what will make you happy, what will help you feel better, and what you want to do now. Then just do it! Don't let anything hold you back, not even the brilliance of others.

4. Believe that your existence is a kind of light!

No matter what the past has been, it has been worthwhile! It is what has allowed you to see suffering, urged you to want change, and inspired you to desire a happy life.

So, believe in yourself! You have a light that shines just for you. You have your own unique strengths, so go ahead and try all kinds of things to find your own sparkle!

Go for it! Do what you want to do, satisfy your own needs, and raise your self-esteem. This will make you see how outstanding you are!

In fact, there are all kinds of people in the world: there are very outstanding people, mediocre people, and the ordinary masses. There is absolutely no point in comparing ourselves to others! Our existence is to live our own lives and be our own way, regardless of others and how they are doing.

It's time to find out what's most important to you! And don't forget to discover your ideals!

Go for it! Pursue the life and life you want, and live your life to the fullest. This is our greatest mission, and it's not about comparing ourselves with others.

I love you, world! I wish all the good things in the world would meet you!

Hello, I'm Shu Yaping, a psychological coach at One Mind. I'd like to share my thoughts and views on comparison and the negative feelings that can result from it.

Do you ever feel like you're suffocating and anxious because you're afraid of offending people, trying to please others, and experiencing all those negative emotions that come from comparing yourself to others? Take a deep breath!

You can recognize your own comparisons and the resulting negative emotions, and you can actively seek support. You're doing great!

Let's start by taking a look at comparison.

The truth is, we learn comparison from our environment. It can hurt, but it can also help.

For instance, comparing ourselves to others helps us adjust our behavior and perceptions so we can live within a structured framework. It has a positive side to it.

If we reject it completely, we'll end up feeling rejected inside. So, there's a reason why this action has been around for so long.

So, try to accept this part of yourself. Be aware of yourself, and recognize that you've developed the habit of comparing. When you do, take a moment to observe your thoughts and feelings.

Let's think of comparisons as white clouds in the sky, drifting and floating with the wind, unpredictable. There are many white clouds, but our sky is even wider.

Adler, a psychologist, said, "It's not the problem itself that causes us pain, but our attitude towards it."

Maybe, when you let yourself compare and feel those negative emotions, they'll drift away until they disappear.

02. Second, the ability to find differences and make comparisons seems to be a gift from evolution that allows us to think critically.

It's easy in life to see the differences between ourselves and others. When we do, we tend to compare ourselves to others, which can lead to self-doubt and self-defeating behaviors.

Comparing yourself to others can lead to feeling like you don't measure up, and that's not a good place to be.

It's definitely worth exploring, as you said, because you don't want to keep going like this and hoping to be able to compare and deal with the painful feelings of internal consumption that arise as a result.

If you can, try to be aware of and deal with it. Think about what needs aren't being met that are causing those negative emotions.

Is it about boosting your self-worth? Or is it about getting respect and recognition from those who matter to you?

And what about attention and love?

Maybe if you try to accept yourself and grow as a person, you'll become more confident and happy.

03. At the end of the day, you've got to accept yourself.

Just accepting yourself is different from truly liking yourself, but it can be. I allow myself to be just the way I am.

I'm learning to recognize that I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with that. If I'm open to trying something new, I can give it another go.

If you feel like you're not tall enough, not thin enough, or not pretty enough because you're comparing yourself to others, just allow yourself to be as you are.

Even a blade of grass or a flower is a life form, and every life form deserves respect. There's no hierarchy in life, and we're all equal in how we enjoy it.

And tell yourself, "This is who I am, and I'm great just the way I am. What's important is that they're not my shortcomings, but my strengths."

As it happens, it's really straightforward to find ways to develop in a particular area online these days.

For instance, if you feel you lack height or beauty, learn to wear the right makeup and clothes to enhance your appearance.

Take a few deep breaths or try self-acceptance meditation. Let go of your obsessions and focus on yourself. You'll feel more relaxed and at ease.

I love you, world! I hope this helps.

Hello, I'm happy to answer your question.

[The need behind the emotion]

"I feel aggrieved and lonely compared to others."

When our needs are met, we feel content, happy, and at peace.

When our needs aren't met, we feel aggrieved, lonely, frustrated, and disappointed.

These are common emotions.

We can become aware of our inner needs, such as the need to be recognized, seen, loved, or respected.

Once we know what we need and want,

For example:

We create a good life for ourselves to gain recognition, love, and respect.

Instead of comparing, right?

The questioner is seeking a solution to meet his needs.

Next, let's look at how to create the ideal life for ourselves and meet our needs.

Focus on how you want your life to be.

The three essentials of life: who, where, and what.

We can never be the "best other person."

We can only live our best lives.

If we know what we want, we can create it.

We know how to spend our time.

[About comparisons]

Comparison is a kind of care. We can ask ourselves, "If I got... (a good family background/a good appearance/other things)," how would I feel?

If it feels right, you can create in that direction.

If you feel pressure, discomfort, or nothing, you can let go.

Can't you put these people, things, and objects in their proper place?

From "He has it and I don't" to "I will have it in the future," "It's okay if I don't have it," or "It's good when everyone is happy."

Everything in the world can be good for us. Everything in the world is connected.

Discover your strengths.

Every trait in its right place is an advantage.

Love to compare. The advantage is being observant.

If you're afraid of offending people or pleasing others, you should respect their feelings.

This helps create a better life. For example:

Ask a friend, "You're great at putting outfits together. Could you teach me?"

Asking for advice helps you and others.

And others will see the questioner's strengths too?

Those who give will receive love, and those who seek blessings will receive them.

I believe everyone will discover each other's strengths and work together, not compete.

That's all. Best wishes. Love, the world and I.

This is a matter of how comparisons impact change.

The sun informed the moon that it was the more prominent celestial body, responsible for illuminating the Earth and enabling growth. It stated that the moon only dared to show itself when it had set behind the horizon.

The moon was displeased to hear this, feeling humble and as if her contributions were unneeded. She shed tears of sadness. The stars observed this and offered solace to the distressed moon, noting that without her illumination, the earth would be perpetually shrouded in darkness, and humans would be deprived of rest.

The moon is also a vital component, regardless of whether it outshines the sun.

Perhaps this dialogue is somewhat implausible. Nevertheless, we should endeavor to identify our unique strengths by stepping back from comparisons and recognizing our individual contributions.

! ☘️☘️☘️

In the vast universe, you are a unique entity. You may be a radiant sun, a sparkling star, or a crescent moon.

If you lose sight of your own identity in the context of comparison, asking these questions may help you gain clarity:

First, take the time to reflect on your own identity.

One question to identify your strengths and interests is: What do you do after work and what do you enjoy doing?

What have I been curious about since childhood? What have I been thinking about?

3. Treat me as a "she" or "he." Provide a description of the individual's activities over the past seven years.

Please describe this person as if they were you.

The investment of time and energy in a particular pursuit will inevitably shape one's identity and character.

Secondly, it is important to love yourself.

1. Provide encouragement and affirmation for your strengths, as previously described. 2. Embrace your strengths and leverage them in your daily activities.

2. Consider offering yourself a small token of appreciation.

3. Identify individuals who will provide constructive feedback and support you in leveraging your strengths.

3. Identify your strengths, set achievable goals, and take action.

Fourth: Take action, persevere through challenges, and rise to meet them head on.

Fifth: Please recall the following saying:

"Heaven will bestow upon this individual a series of significant responsibilities. In order for them to be able to fulfill these responsibilities, they must first endure a period of intense personal growth and development. This will require facing challenges that test their resilience, strength, and determination. However, it is through these challenges that they will gain the insights and capabilities that will enable them to achieve their goals and realize their full potential."

No. 6: "Persevere in your efforts to improve yourself and to serve as an inspiration to others."

Thank you for the excellent question. I wish everyone success as they pursue their individual goals.

Please find the attached question.

I have a tendency to compare myself with others. During my academic career, I often benchmarked myself against my classmates and even the Student Union Minister. I failed to recognize my own strengths and constantly strived to outperform others. In my professional life, I've come to realize that competition is futile. My colleagues hail from affluent backgrounds and exude a certain style and beauty. I find myself falling short in comparison. I'm cautious about offending anyone and strive to align my actions with their expectations. Whether I perceive others as superior or inferior, I tend to internalize negative emotions. I'm seeking a way to break this cycle.

It is a fundamental tenet of human existence that each individual is born into the world alone.

If one experiences feelings of resentment, it is indicative of a tendency towards exceptionalism.

I must profess a certain ignorance with regard to your age and background. I am the sole individual capable of unlocking this key.

There is no objective moral standard in life; there are only subjective perceptions of right and wrong, which can give rise to emotional responses and, in turn, problematic situations.

The initial sentence posits that when one encounters a problem, one's emotional state is likely to shift. These emotions, in turn, may give rise to further problems or act as a catalyst for a chain reaction of emotional responses. The second sentence asserts that regardless of the nature of the problem or emotion, the most effective approach is to let go of it or accept it. This does not imply that one should simply tolerate or be patient, but rather that one should acknowledge and address the underlying emotions and problems. The third sentence acknowledges that emotions and problems are inevitable in life. When one repeats the aforementioned three sentences and still experiences emotions, it suggests that one may need to generate more intense emotions and problems to facilitate personal growth. When one lets go and accepts, one experiences a sense of restoration. However, if one persists in holding on, the next question is the simplest one: to pay the bill. This implies that one must bear the responsibility of addressing the problem oneself, although some individuals may lack the financial means to do so throughout their lifetime.

The concept of cultivation is a pervasive one in contemporary discourse, encompassing the cultivation of the mind, the self, and the soul. While there is considerable debate surrounding the precise nature of this cultivation, it is clear that it represents a process of growth and development. However, it is important to note that this process is not necessarily oriented towards attaining a state of Buddhahood, immortality, or sainthood. One of the most effective methods of cultivation is to gain insight into one's thoughts and to learn to let them go. This process can be challenging, as it requires a willingness to confront one's thoughts, to recognize them, and to release them. Those who experience suffering often do so because they are unable to fully engage with their thoughts, either because they are unable to recognize them or because they are unable to let them go. The inability to recognize and let go of thoughts can lead to a state of constant struggle with the inner demons of the mind. In such cases, returning to the practice of cultivation, whether it be the cultivation of the mind, the self, or the soul, is often a reflection of an underlying reluctance to fully embrace the process of cultivation.

One cannot become a fairy, a Buddha, a Bodhisattva, or a sage; however, one can still cultivate one's true self. The objective is to become a true person.

It is not uncommon to experience feelings of comparison to others. This phenomenon, to varying degrees, can lead to feelings of dissatisfaction, anxiety, and even a sense of inferiority. To alter this state, one can employ the following methods:

1. Self-acceptance: It is important to recognize that everyone possesses both strengths and weaknesses, and to learn to accept oneself as an individual. One's value is not determined by comparing oneself to others.

2. **Focus on personal growth**: Rather than comparing oneself to others, direct one's attention toward personal growth. Formulate personal objectives and acknowledge each incremental accomplishment made toward their realization.

3. Gratitude practice: It is recommended that individuals set aside time each day to reflect on the positive aspects of their lives, including both material and immaterial benefits.

4. Build Self-Confidence: One may enhance one's self-confidence by engaging in activities that align with one's strengths and interests. This process allows one to recognize one's capabilities and value.

5. Mindfulness exercises: The practice of mindfulness allows individuals to live in the present moment, reducing rumination about the past and worries about the future. Mindfulness meditation and other exercises can facilitate this practice.

6. Set Healthy Boundaries: It is important to learn to decline requests and establish appropriate social boundaries. It is unnecessary to attempt to please everyone or to strive for perfection in every situation.

7. It is recommended that individuals seek support from a trusted friend or family member. Such a relationship can provide understanding and support, which may assist in coping with challenges.

8. Professional Help: If one is unable to cope with these emotions independently, it is advisable to seek the assistance of a counselor. These professionals can provide guidance and treatment in a professional capacity.

9. Avoid unnecessary comparisons. It is important to recognize that each individual has a unique life trajectory, and that comparing oneself to others is often an unfair and unproductive exercise. Instead, focus on one's own path and progress, rather than on the achievements or circumstances of others.

10. Modify your cognitive processes through the implementation of psychological therapies, such as cognitive behavioral therapy, in order to alter the patterns of thought that contribute to feelings of discontent and anxiety.

It is important to note that change is a process that requires time and patience. By implementing the aforementioned suggestions in a gradual manner, individuals can reduce their tendency to compare themselves to others and enhance their self-confidence and overall sense of well-being.

Hello, I'm Luo Hongmei, and I'm thrilled to be your listening coach!

You can feel the trouble you get from comparing yourself to others. You say you don't want to go on like this, and I totally get it! You don't want to compare yourself to others endlessly, or even if you do, you don't want to feel negative emotions.

I'm not sure if I've understood it correctly, but I'm excited to find out!

It's totally normal to compare yourself to others. It's a natural part of living in a competitive world. Ever since our ancestors first walked the earth, they've been competing and comparing, striving to be the best and strongest. And it's been a huge part of our survival!

Absolutely! You should also grow through these comparisons. For example, when reading a book, comparing your studies with your classmates will motivate you to learn better, right?

Comparing yourself to the student union minister in college didn't it motivate you to improve your abilities more quickly? These are the amazing benefits that comparing yourself to others brings! I wonder if seeing these benefits will make you feel better?

You say you are afraid of offending people and often try to please others, which also annoys you. I think this is because you don't have enough self-confidence. You are not confident because you can't see your own merits, and you are not confident because you care too much about what other people think. But there's no need to worry! I can help you boost your self-confidence.

If you have improved your self-confidence, get ready for a change! You'll see things differently, pay more attention to your own strengths, and your negative emotions will also decrease.

Here's a great way to boost your self-confidence: keep a daily achievement diary! For example, today you read 10 pages of a book, cooked two dishes, and finished your work on time. Imagine how amazing you'll feel after a month of achievements! You'll feel more accomplished and more confident than ever.

I really hope my answer is helpful!

I'm Luo Hongmei, a listening coach, and I'd love to hear from you! Please don't hesitate to give me a call!

Good morning. It is important to note that comparison is an unproductive practice that can lead to a loss of happiness. When we compare ourselves to others, it can result in negative emotions such as jealousy or feelings of inferiority.

On the other hand, it can also motivate us to identify areas for improvement and work towards addressing them. It is important to recognize that everyone has both strengths and weaknesses, and that focusing solely on the strengths of others and our own weaknesses may not be beneficial.

Furthermore, comparison indicates a lack of satisfaction with oneself, self-confidence, and an insufficient number of advantages. I comprehend your situation fully. Inevitably, individuals compare themselves to others, and while one may believe that others are highly competent, there may be others who also view them as highly competent, without being aware of it.

There are several ways to proceed.

1. Take the time to understand your own strengths.

It is recommended that you record your own strengths in a notebook, consider them carefully, and then list them.

2. List the aspects of your performance that you consider most impressive when compared to others.

By recording and comparing specific points with others, you can identify your desired outcomes and formulate a plan to achieve them.

3. Cultivate the ability to accept and tolerate yourself.

It is not uncommon to feel that others are more accomplished or impressive than ourselves. However, it is important to recognize that we possess intrinsic value and worthiness. It is essential to provide ourselves with the resilience and self-compassion to recognize our inherent value and accept ourselves fully.

Maintain a confident and resilient mindset, and firmly believe in your ability to excel.

I was once in this stage as well, always feeling that I was not as capable as others. After much reflection, I realized that I bring unique strengths to the table and that I can contribute to the team in my own way. I believe that self-confidence is essential for success, and that with the right mindset, we can achieve our goals through consistent effort.

I hope that the original poster will be able to achieve a state of happiness on a daily basis.

Hello, I'm listening coach Yang Yiqing, and I'm so excited to help you!

From your narrative, it is clear that you have been comparing yourself with others at different stages of your life, and as a result, you feel anxious and uneasy. This comparison may stem from a sense of uncertainty about your self-worth and achievements. But don't worry! This is something we all experience at one point or another. The good news is that you can overcome this challenge by recognizing that you are worthy and that you have already achieved so much.

I remember the spiritual master Krishnamurti saying something really interesting. He said that the root of human suffering lies in comparison. On the one hand, comparison gives people the joy of "victory." But on the other hand, it can also make people fall into it and ignore true happiness.

As a psychotherapist, I would wholeheartedly recommend that you adopt strategies to deal with this situation and read some books that will help you grow personally.

First and foremost, it is important to recognize that constantly comparing yourself to others is a common psychological phenomenon. But there's no need to fret! While it may sometimes lead to a decline in self-worth and constant dissatisfaction, there are ways to turn this around. One way is to start focusing on self-acceptance and personal growth, rather than constantly evaluating your differences with others.

1. Self-acceptance

Embrace your amazing self! Everyone has their own incredible strengths and limitations, and everyone's life path is totally unique.

It's time to focus on your own growth and progress! Try to minimize comparisons with others and let your own unique path shine.

2. It's time to identify your personal values and goals!

It's time to identify your values and personal goals! This is a great way to focus on your own path and not be influenced by the achievements and lifestyles of others.

3. Give your self-esteem a boost!

It's a fantastic way to boost your self-esteem! It does this through positive self-affirmation and reflection on your achievements. It also recognizes that your value is not determined by the achievements of others.

4. Uncover your passions and discover your strengths!

Take the time to explore what you are truly interested in and develop those interests. Everyone has their own strengths, and discovering and nurturing those abilities is a great way to increase a sense of self-worth and accomplishment!

5. Practice mindfulness!

Practicing mindfulness meditation is a great way to help yourself focus on your current feelings and experiences while paying less attention to other people's lives.

I'm so excited to share with you some more amazing books that I think you'll love!

1. The incredible The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown!

This book is a must-read for anyone looking to embrace their imperfections, find their true selves, and gain strength from it!

2. You simply have to read "The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem" by Nathaniel Branden!

This book is an absolute game-changer! It details the six pillars of self-esteem and provides practical strategies for improving self-esteem and self-acceptance.

3. "The Courage to Be Disliked" by Ichiro Kasumi and Fumitake Koga

Through engaging dialogue, we delved into the fascinating topic of how to overcome feelings of inferiority and achieve personal freedom and happiness.

4. "The Comparison Trap" by Sandra Stanley

It's time to focus on how to overcome the trap of comparison and learn to appreciate your own unique value!

Reading these books and incorporating the strategies and perspectives into your daily life is an amazing way to better understand yourself, reduce comparisons with others, and enhance your self-esteem and sense of self-worth! Remember, everyone is unique and has their own unique value and path.

Focusing on your own growth and happiness is the absolute key to achieving inner peace!

I'm a listening coach, Yang Yiqing. Life is an amazing journey, and every step is worth celebrating! Let's go forward together!

I'd love to chat with you!

You feel like you don't fit in with everyone else, which is totally normal. You're in a state of confusion and darkness, which is totally understandable.

You're exploring yourself in a situation where there's no feedback, and you're subconsciously thinking, "I can't do it, I can't do it." If you keep thinking this way, you'll eventually feel overwhelmed by a sense of failure.

I'm also in high school and I'd like to share my experience. I've never been very good at school and I've always felt a bit inferior.

One day, my teacher called me into the office, and I thought he was going to give me a hard time. But instead, he said something that changed my whole outlook: "It's better not to read than to read mindlessly." What he meant was that if you read mindlessly without thinking or exploring for yourself, you're just doing mechanical work. You're not thinking for yourself and improving and processing what you've read.

It took me three years to understand this. My primary school teacher told me this, and now that I'm in high school, I'm less confused because I know what studying is all about.

Not everyone can read, and only those who are prepared and think for themselves get the chance to do so. That's my understanding.

I believe we should view many things with a critical mind. For instance, you mentioned that we should always compare ourselves with others.

I think it's because you're a little confused and don't know what kind of self-positioning you're in. I want to share with you that you should just compare yourself to yourself. If other people's parents are from Tsinghua, they will do well in school, so if your parents aren't from Tsinghua, then you must be doing poorly, right?

Ask yourself questions and reflect on yourself every time you want to ask a question. It's important to be self-aware every day. I learned this in elementary school texts: it's very important to conduct a self-examination every day.

I hope you can understand that it's important to compare yourself to yourself, reflect more on your own problems, and stop focusing on other people.

I just wanted to give you a hug, my middle school student friend.