Constantly blaming oneself, regretting past mistakes not handled well, what to do?

Hello,

You regret not asking for more money. You and your husband think the company agreed quickly because it didn't lose out. You feel regretful and blame yourself for not getting the best deal. You don't accept yourself. But this has already happened. There's no use being stubborn. Why do we have to think twice before we act? We have to think about the consequences, probabilities, and responses. Perhaps you didn't make a preliminary judgment, so the company's agreement was unexpected.

It's normal to feel regret for not trying harder. This is a way of avoiding responsibility. It's a way of justifying our actions. We think, "If I had done that, it would have been better." We feel satisfied because we're used to blaming ourselves. But if we keep blaming ourselves,

If we don't learn to accept ourselves, we'll never be able to move on. We must learn to reflect on ourselves in self-blame, rather than doubting ourselves. If we always deny ourselves, we are actually not accepting ourselves. This may even develop into depression.

We can review things we regret. We should reflect on them and think about how to solve them next time. We should find a solution, discuss it with others, write down our plan, strive for our interests, forgive ourselves, take responsibility, understand that what we say is responsible, and accept our actions.

I hope this helps.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to ask if you're smiling? Best regards,

After reviewing your description, I have a better understanding of the question you wish to ask. I will provide a solution in the form of a four-dimensional hug.

From your description, we can gain insight into the issue you are currently facing, which will facilitate its resolution.

The issues you have outlined have been experienced by many individuals in real life, albeit to varying degrees. It is therefore important to remain calm and take your time, avoiding excessive pressure on yourself as this can lead to feelings of discomfort.

In regard to the issue you raised in your description, I understand your reluctance. You believe that if you had performed better at the outset, you would have achieved more and better results. However, it's important to consider the broader context. What criteria define what is considered good?

It is not difficult to discern that this involves a certain degree of downward comparison, and that we are the party at fault. Consequently, it erodes our confidence and gives rise to negative emotions.

In this regard, I have also summarized some methods to help alleviate the current situation, and I hope they will be of some assistance.

(1) You have already demonstrated sufficient effort, so refrain from excessive self-criticism. Condemning your past performance is unfair to yourself and hinders future growth. Your past actions reflect a commitment to excellence and a willingness to do whatever it takes to succeed.

(2) It is advisable to limit the use of comparisons, as their prolonged application may lead to a decline in confidence and an adverse impact on emotional well-being.

(3) With regard to past events, it is advisable to gradually disengage from any negative self-perception. While acknowledging the need for improvement, it is important to recognise the efforts made and the positive contributions made.

(4) Focus on the present to prioritize living in the moment.

(5) It is advisable to relax and proceed at a measured pace, rather than placing undue pressure on yourself. Excessive pressure can have a negative impact on your current situation.

The world and I extend our best wishes to you.

Best regards,

Hello.

I appreciate your invitation and your trust.

I understand you're anxious, but don't worry. When you're faced with something you can't handle, don't stress. It'll only make it harder to think clearly and find a solution. Stay calm and think clearly to solve the problem.

The analysis of the problem is as follows:

The question is about company layoffs.

The environment in question is as follows: four months after giving birth, she was notified of the layoff.

Psychological journey: You didn't handle the situation calmly, and you regret and blame yourself afterwards.

First, companies cannot lay off employees at will. They must comply with specific legal provisions before doing so. If employees are treated unfairly or their interests are harmed due to layoffs not following the regulations, they can file a complaint with the labor bureau. During the postpartum breastfeeding period, companies cannot lay off employees at will either. They must wait until the end of the breastfeeding period to do so.

The question clearly states that the layoffs were announced four months after the birth, which is not in compliance with the law. The breastfeeding period is at least one year.

Based on these two points, the questioner can collect relevant evidence. If they feel that the compensation they receive does not satisfy their legitimate rights and interests, they must take action. They can go to the sub-district office or the labor bureau to complain and handle the matter. The sub-district office will help mediate for pregnant women or new mothers, so they can seek help.

The questioner tends to have psychological conflicts when encountering things. They blame themselves for not being able to stand up for themselves. Express sympathy and understanding first. No one has "superpowers" and can recognize all problems at once. Don't blame yourself for "not seeing the essence of the problem." Release your emotions or seek professional help to change the way you deal with things and your emotional patterns.

1. Accept yourself and abandon perfectionism.

Everyone is an independent individual, but at the same time needs to adapt to life in a crowd. This often causes internal conflict because when an individual is unable to perceive their own value in a crowd or does not receive positive feedback, such negative feedback can bring about feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. This is especially true for perfectionists, who often fail to see their own strengths and always compare their shortcomings with the strengths of others. This is very painful.

Take, for instance, a situation where the original poster is facing a problem alone. They may not feel that the current situation is unreasonable. However, when there is a better option, they will have doubts and feel rejected. Why? Because they feel their self-worth has been rejected. So, are our choices and decisions always wrong?

This does not need to be judged. The answer is not absolute. Life is more liberal and flexible.

When we come back to our senses and realize that the first choice does not make us happy, we can repair the previous choice through reflection and improvement without blaming ourselves.

2. Encourage yourself and cultivate self-confidence.

In life, we crave recognition, which boosts our self-confidence. This is unquestionable, but in the process of dealing with things, we cannot satisfy everyone's ideal setting because even if we try hard to meet the other person's ideal setting to get their affirmation, they may change their mind. This is because people's thoughts are unstable. Therefore, we must recognize this and let go of ourselves to deal with things with a relaxed attitude, even if the result does not make us happy.

For example, when my husband hears the news from me, his first reaction is to answer too quickly. That's his feeling and expression. I can also make my own free choice, and I don't need to satisfy anyone else's standards to judge myself.

3. Banish anxiety and embrace simplicity.

If you're tense and afraid, you're hurting your body and mind because you can't relax. You think you're happy, but you're really living in torment every day. How can your soul welcome the voice of happiness?

In response to the high-pressure environment of modern people, where the mind cannot achieve true freedom, I assert that returning to a simple life and sifting through unnecessary needs for oneself is the solution. This can be a need of the mind or a need for material things. "Self-sufficiency and abundance" is not simply the idyllic life of the ancients relaxing themselves. We in the city can and should create a truly safe and comfortable environment for ourselves.

Finally, I strongly suggest that if the questioner feels scared, they bring their husband or a friend who is trustworthy and has a flexible mind to accompany them on this task. Gathering evidence and filing a complaint with the labor bureau will provide self-confidence and strength. Even if the outcome is unknown, this experience will bring different spiritual growth.

Best wishes!

Hello, dear question asker! I can feel the self-blame you are feeling right now, even through the screen.

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that your company laid off a large number of employees. And in the fourth month of your maternity leave, your department was also optimized. The company offered you 2n compensation, and on this basis, you also received maternity allowance, which the company agreed directly. I can understand that you and your husband feel that you have suffered a loss and that you should be able to get more, especially since the company agreed too quickly.

I know it can be tough when things don't go our way. It's natural to feel disappointed or frustrated when we lose out. But it's important to remember that we can't always control everything. If we dwell on the negative and miss the present, we might miss out on some good things. Let's look at it from a different angle. The unit is trying to make things as convenient as possible for you, especially when you're on maternity leave. They'll respond quickly to your requests to meet your needs.

Second, you learned that a friend's colleague, in order to maximize profits, collected evidence in every way possible, even going so far as to fall out with the company, and got the results. You feel that you didn't do this well, and you're really hard on yourself!

It's totally normal to feel a little annoyed when someone else does something well and we didn't do it as well as we'd hoped. We all make mistakes sometimes!

Many of us have probably said, "If only I had done this in the beginning." But dwelling on things that have already happened and cannot be changed will only make us suffer. So, when we find ourselves in this kind of situation, it's good to think more about remedial measures. Even children know that there is no such thing as a regret pill in the world, so what we can do is to reflect on how we should do it well and express it well the next time we encounter a similar situation.

Third, you said you feel a bit weak, not as strong as you appear. It's totally normal to feel this way! We all have moments where we think over and over again about what we didn't say or do well at that time. It's easy to think that if you had prepared more at the beginning, you would have been more confident in expressing your thoughts to the people in charge. Now you feel very conflicted and uncomfortable, very depressed.

It's so common for people to talk about their shortcomings in a way that makes them feel worse. Why do we always feel like we're not good enough and can't do things well? In psychology, this is called a "deviation in self-perception." We think we're not good enough, but we're not really bad. Usually, it's because we're used to being harsh on ourselves and want to be perfect, over-introspecting.

So, how can we adjust this state of mind? We just need to replace self-criticism with self-affirmation, discover the parts of ourselves that succeed, allow ourselves to make mistakes, and accept ourselves.

It's not good to set the bar too high and push yourself too hard. That's not a healthy way to live. It's okay to accept that you're not perfect, to prepare as much as you can, and to be true to yourself!

I wish you a happy, happy life!

Hello! I'm learning in silence.

I'll be the first to admit that I've had this kind of mentality before. After doing something well, I felt like I'd done a good job at the time. But then, after hearing some news or thinking about it more carefully, I felt like I could have actually done better. I felt a bit of remorse, and then I told myself that it didn't matter and that I just needed to do a better job next time. I think this kind of mentality is pretty common among us humans. I bet a large part of the population will have it.

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes. We all get down on ourselves from time to time. The good news is that we can work through these feelings by taking it slow and adjusting our state of mind.

Let me give you an example. Imagine you're at work and you listen to your colleagues and think you've made a mistake. If you don't handle it well, you'll probably think about it for days and feel uncomfortable. It's the same when we buy clothes we really like and then someone else sees them and says, "I bought one too, but it cost so much less." We hear that it's much cheaper than what we bought and it makes us feel less happy, even a little sad. It's totally normal, but it can be uncomfortable.

So, how can we adjust our mindset so that we can handle things better in the future and not worry too much even if the same thing happens?

I really think we should all pay more attention to money matters. This isn't a small amount of money, it could be a large sum. So I think the lesson we can learn from this is that we were perhaps a little too generous with our money. We were probably subconsciously thinking, "Oh, forget it, don't bother, just leave it be." And that's why we suffered a great loss of money. The more we thought about it, the more we felt we had lost out. So if we usually attach some importance to money, develop the habit of saving, and carefully calculate the money we should spend and the money we shouldn't spend, then whether we are spending money or living our lives, we will have a lot less trouble.

It's totally normal to worry about money at our age. I think it's really helpful to develop the habit of saving money and having a reasonable spending habit. This can help to reduce your anxiety and make you feel more secure. It's true that money can still be a big loss and have an impact on us, but we can't ignore that. I totally get it!

So, start saving money and spending reasonably, and you can even earn a little extra cash. It's totally fine to ignore the impact on yourself in this area if you need to.

I'd like to share a little saying with you that I think you'll find quite comforting: money is saved. The more we earn, the more we spend. In fact, we still don't have any money. But the money we save is our own money, and that's something to be proud of! We can be generous, enjoy life, and at the same time have a certain amount of savings. It would be better. If we control our money well, then the next time we encounter the same problem, we won't give up a large sum of money because we don't want the hassle, and then regret it later. The past is gone, so seize the moment!

I really hope you'll have a nice, big savings pot to help you ignore the impact of these things and enjoy life to the full.

Hello. I get it.

First, pregnancy and childbirth require adaptation, both to the changes in your body and to the role of mother. After finally getting used to it, you took maternity leave and lost your job, so it's normal to have mood swings.

Second, it is only natural to feel a bit awkward about the compensation you received from the company. After all, the company's offer was too generous, and you feel that you may have lost out. You made me lose my job, and you so readily agreed to pay compensation. I must have asked for less than I should have. This is what most people think.

Think about it. It's okay, but did you really lose out? You might be surprised to learn that it's not necessarily the case! Compensation and compensation, especially when more people are involved, are regulated within each unit. If the limit is exceeded, the unit will definitely not pay. However, if they agree to your request very readily, it is most likely because your request is reasonable, and the person in charge of the unit can make a decision directly. From an efficiency perspective, the unit is also willing to agree immediately.

Once again, in the example you mentioned about your friend's colleague, various evidence was collected, and in the end, more money was demanded. The question is, however, by how much? Is the extra money worth the long time spent preparing the case? I'm afraid everyone's calculation is different.

I'm sure you'd be willing to spend a lot of time and energy for a small amount of money, even if you didn't get it. And don't forget that even employees of the same company may not have the same contract.

Furthermore, financial matters often require more than just a case. They often require skills like being a nuisance or even behaving like a spoiled child, which not everyone can do!

I would make the same choice as you. Labor law is clear: you deserve what you get. If you don't get it, it's normal.

This is a major event in life, and a quick solution is the best course of action. This is a great result. Solving problems in the shortest time and with high efficiency is the best use of your time and energy.

Don't dwell on the past. Accept the result and focus on the future!

I am certain that happiness will always be with you!

You said your company laid off many employees and made you redundant in the fourth month of maternity leave. The company offered you 2n compensation and your maternity allowance. You felt you didn't get the best deal. You told your husband the company had agreed too quickly. At first, you felt upset, but then you learned a friend's colleague collected evidence and fell out with the company to get the result. You felt you hadn't done a good job and blamed yourself.

You feel weak and think you could have done better. You feel conflicted and depressed. How do you stop blaming yourself?

?

Your unit agreed to your request, which upset you a little. Then you learned that a friend's colleague fought with the unit to fight for his own interests. You felt bad about not doing well.

This is like when you were a kid and failed a test. You felt bad, but your parents said, "Look at the others. They work hard, too. They're just like you."

Comparing yourself to others makes you doubt yourself. You think you are not good enough, not up to par, and want to go back in time to retake the exam and gain your parents' approval.

Blaming yourself for the past can lead to depression. You tell yourself to be strong and speak up, but if you don't, you're vulnerable to self-attack.

You can't accept reality, so you fantasize about going back in time to change it.

First, understand yourself. You've already achieved the best you can at this level. You might still make the same choice if you went back in time.

You have these thoughts because you've learned more from your friends and your perception has improved.

Second, let go of your anger.

Finally, accept reality, move on, and be happy.

Love yourself and be happy.

You can also get help from a counselor.

Good luck!

Hello, host.

Your question makes it clear that you are anxious. I want to give you a warm hug first.

You feel remorseful because you feel you have not maximized your own interests. This is understandable. People care about more than just money. They want to be treated fairly.

If you feel the compensation you received is unfair, you can take legal action to fight for your rights.

Ask yourself this: you haven't maximised your interests and you're not the worst one. Look at this issue differently.

In this world, each of us actually has a scale in our hearts.

We don't deal with people just once, do we? Imagine if you work with a colleague and there is a conflict. He will look for evidence, and you will be on your guard the next time.

I believe that what is meant by maximizing interests is perceived differently by everyone. As we often say, "A stoop may be a horse's loss, but it is a man's gain." We just don't know who will be the last one to laugh.

The original poster needs to take a longer view. If the future is promising, today may just be a payment of tuition fees, and you yourself will not feel so guilty.

I am confident this will be helpful. You can follow and communicate with me.

Dear question asker,

I am counseling psychologist An Rongjin, and I am happy to answer any questions you may have.

I can appreciate the challenges you're facing. It's not just about the financial loss, but also the feelings of blame and regret that are causing discomfort. There's disappointment in not meeting the same standards as colleagues, but more so, there's a sense of dissatisfaction with your own performance. It's natural to question your actions and think about what could have been done differently. This self-reflection can be painful, but it's important to acknowledge these feelings and work through them.

Naturally, the company agreed promptly at the time, which initially felt like a missed opportunity. However, there might have been other factors at play. For instance, the leader may have had a range in mind and your request fell within it, leading to a swift decision. Or, the leader may have been a kind individual who gave as much as they could, which would have a positive impact. There are numerous possibilities when we don't fully comprehend the situation and the other person's thoughts. It's important to consider options beyond the one that causes the most distress.

It's possible that what your colleagues did may make you feel even more guilty, but perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you could have done the same. After doing so, you may find that you receive more money than you are getting now, but will you like yourself after doing so? It's worth asking whether you might look down on yourself because of this incident, or feel that you have lost face by doing so. After all, people do not live just for the sake of interests.

If the incident was short-lived and not intense, you might consider talking it over with friends to ease the situation. As time goes by, your emotions will gradually subside. However, if the situation persists for more than half a month, it might be helpful to talk it over with a counselor. One approach could be to review the scene at the time to gain a deeper understanding of your thoughts and feelings at the time, and the other could be to say goodbye to this experience so that you can start a new life. After all, the child is still young, and you still have to continue living.

I hope my answer is helpful to you and that we can continue to interact and communicate.

Hello, question asker! I understand how it feels when the company doesn't pay you what you expect. It's natural. Hugs to you.

From your description, there are three key points.

1. When the department laid off staff and I was made redundant, I proposed a compensation plan. My husband reminded me that I might have suffered a loss.

I heard a friend got more money by leaving the company, and I blamed myself.

I blame myself for this.

Regarding the first key point, my husband said he'd suffered a loss. Looking back, I wondered why I felt so uncomfortable. It was because he didn't comfort me. At that moment, what did the questioner expect from her husband? Looking back, can she be more aware of her thoughts?

I regret not thinking of it at the beginning. I understand the questioner's mood. I really regret it and hug the questioner.

What do you regret? I regret not talking to HR properly. Is it possible to look back and summarize how you handled the situation? Is it possible to add an investigation step to collect information before reacting?

In response to the third key point, I want to hug the questioner again. Have you learned anything from this?

Thank the questioner.

Greetings!

In recent years, due to the impact of the pandemic and the international environment, many companies have undergone staff reductions, which is a common occurrence in the market. Unfortunately, you have encountered this situation and have been made redundant.

It is important to acknowledge the challenges you are facing.

Indeed, there is no need to concern oneself with the matter of compensation, for the following reasons:

1. It is erroneous to assume that employees and companies are in opposition to one another. In point of fact, they are complementary. At the inception of one's employment, both parties are gratified. The employee provides labor, and the company remunerates the employee. This is an exchange. However, in the event of layoffs, there is a conflict of interest between the two parties, which is the source of one's distress.

It is your hope to receive additional compensation.

Indeed, the company has provided two months of salary supplementation and a maternity allowance, which is a commendable gesture. Many companies do not extend such benefits. While colleagues have secured additional compensation through various means, each situation is unique. Given your decision to depart, it is advisable to refrain from dwelling on past events.

2. The act of breastfeeding is a significant factor in maintaining a positive mood, which is of paramount importance for the physical and mental well-being of both mother and child. In the present circumstances, a relaxed mood is more beneficial than the relatively minor financial compensation that is being withheld.

Given that you are currently at home with the infant, it is advisable to refrain from excessive reflection on the matter. Instead, direct your attention to the care of the child. This is of paramount importance. It is crucial to recognize that regardless of the extent of self-reproach you may currently experience, it is not feasible to return to the unit to pursue further compensation. Unproductive self-blame is a futile exercise.

3. The period of time spent at home affords the opportunity to focus on personal development and to gain a deeper understanding of the dynamics of the current job market. It is likely that there will be numerous individuals in a similar situation to yours actively seeking employment. It is important to remain calm and to consider the type of work you should pursue next, as well as your strengths and abilities. It is essential to recognise that the job market is in a state of constant flux. In order to avoid being at a disadvantage in your next role, it is crucial to identify your core competencies and to either build on these or to develop them further during this period of time at home. It is also important to engage in continuous self-improvement and to maintain a positive outlook.

4. With regard to communication with one's spouse, it is possible that he or she may be experiencing a certain degree of pressure during this period. After all, he or she is the sole breadwinner of the family. It is therefore important to communicate with one's spouse fully and to understand him or her fully. It is similarly important to have a long-term plan for the future development of one's family. When one's child is older, it is likely that one will have to go out to work again, so it is advisable to plan and improve oneself at this stage.

It is important to let go of past concerns, avoid self-blame, release pent-up emotions, and plan for the future. This is a meaningful and beneficial approach.

I wish you the utmost success.

First of all, I would like to give the original poster a big hug!

1. I can tell you're feeling a bit down because you didn't get the severance pay you expected. But don't worry! The people around you have received more severance pay through various "efforts," and I'm here to help you get what you deserve. I'm going to review the process of leaving the company and how I could have negotiated with HR better.

2. We cannot change what has already happened, but we can learn from it! A moderate review can help you gain valuable experience for similar situations in the future. While what has already happened is in the past, you can still make a positive change for the future. It can be challenging to stop blaming yourself immediately, but you can shift your focus to something more positive. Pay attention to the daily growth of your baby, write a baby growth diary, or do something you've always wanted to do but haven't had the time or energy for. Indulge with friends over milk tea and hot pot, chat about interesting things, and enjoy life to the fullest!

3. Furthermore, that friend who sought evidence of all kinds to receive severance from his former company may have received more compensation in the short term. However, everything should be done in moderation. A good parting with your former company is very beneficial for finding a new job. Now, all employers will do a background check, and an act of tearing your face off with your former company is, in a sense, cutting off some of your chances of getting a new job. Therefore, leaving room for everything is the premise for a smoother road ahead!

So, 塞翁失马, 焉知非福! It seems that you have asked for a little less compensation, but you have also planted a very friendly and harmonious seed for your future workplace.

I really hope you can find a great job! I think your "indifference" is going to give you a real advantage in the workplace.

I'm a listening therapist at #Jichu Chang'an, and I'm thrilled to leave you a message! I hope it'll be helpful.

You're a kind person at heart. You consider others' perspectives and put yourself in their shoes. I understand your concern about protecting your rights and interests.

As an impartial observer, I will share my thoughts on this matter for your reference.

The company's large-scale layoffs show that it encountered difficulties, which is why it laid off so many people. The company optimized its structure only in the fourth month of your maternity leave, and it even offered you compensation on its own initiative. When you asked for maternity benefits, the company agreed very readily. It's clear that the company's handling of the situation was relatively humane, but because the company agreed so readily, it made you feel like you'd suffered a loss.

To maximize profits, evidence is collected and a falling out with the company is not spared. This may indeed lead to more profits because no one is perfect, and companies are likewise unable to do everything perfectly. There are definitely aspects that they have not done well. However, if the company has not done anything excessive, we do not need to break with the company over the immediate interests. This is not a meaningful decision.

We believe that after working for a company for a certain period of time, everyone will develop some kind of attachment to it. We are going to retain this attachment and part on good terms, giving ourselves a good memory. We're not leaving with unhappy memories for the sake of more immediate benefits. This can reflect a person's outlook.

You have not lost your perspective for the sake of immediate gains, and this is not a sign of weakness. You only need to take what you feel you should take.

You need to stop blaming yourself. Change your thinking about this matter. We are kind people. Kindness brings us strength and happiness. Being harsh and calculating towards others will make us lose more of our precious qualities and make it more and more difficult for us to feel happy. Retain this kindness.

Good morning. This is a very representative question. Many perfectionists feel this way: "I feel so anxiety/during-the-new-year-holiday-some-people-may-feel-idle-and-cant-help-feeling-guilty-2494.html" target="_blank">guilty because I didn't do a good job." Is it true that you didn't do a good job? Actually, it's not quite like that. There is a difference between doing something 70-80% right and doing it perfectly. It's not hard to find in life that people who want to do everything perfectly are more tired. People with a perfectionist personality tend to be anxious and compulsive, and they care about what others think of them. They are sensitive and this can lead to negative emotions such as guilt and self-blame. This personality trait is closely related to past experiences, family or social environment. What you are really worried about is the consequences of not doing something perfectly, such as "not being accepted" and "not being recognized if you are not perfect." These consequences are the source of your anxiety and your misconceptions. Very often, it is your own misconceptions that lead you to a dead end. Things are objective. Although you didn't talk about the best compensation plan, you feel "weak and that you didn't do a good job." You will find that you constantly start to deny and attack yourself. This is the key. You may always habitually deny your self-worth, which in turn leads to self-blame and depression. These are all caused by being overly critical of yourself.

After reading the original question, I must first give you a big hug! Pregnant women are already under some stress due to the physical changes in their bodies, and they also have to juggle the adaptation and changes in their roles. This is a special period, and they need to be understood and taken care of even more. However, at this time, the company made such a personnel change that is not in line with the laws and regulations, and they even thought of other ways to reduce the harm to you. This approach is really infuriating, but it's also an opportunity for positive change!

You were able to calmly negotiate with the company at the time, and you are already a great mother. You are already a strong and brave mother to your child. You are amazing, and you can do anything you set your mind to!

At that time, you were actually more dissatisfied with the company's handling of the matter, weren't you? After all, the company only wanted to use money to simply draw a line between your youth and abilities, which I think would cause feelings of grievance, resentment, and unworthiness. It is normal to be generous or try your best to understand, in order to minimize the company's harm to you.

So you proposed your plan. But you didn't expect the company to agree to it so quickly, so you were even more excited to see what would happen next!

Your first reaction may be to feel aggrieved. But there's no need to rush! Taking a moment to consider and push back a little will definitely help you get the best results for yourself. You can absolutely reach your expectations!

At the same time, my husband and colleagues made it even clearer to me that I had suffered a great loss. Instead of the injury being alleviated, it was deepened. And instead of it being the company's fault, you fell into self-blame, self-doubt, and could not forgive yourself. But you know what? I think you can get through this! I wonder if you remember what your original intention was when you first negotiated with the company?

Is it to make yourself sad or to reduce the hurt through your own efforts?

Everyone has a different state of mind, different personalities, and different ways of dealing with problems. And that's a good thing! Your colleague's way of dealing with things got her that result. Think about whether you usually approve of the way she deals with problems, and whether you would be willing to deal with problems in the same way as she does.

If not, and if you just compare results or just compare the result of this one thing, then I think you may be unhappy throughout your pregnancy. But there is another way!

Think about your original intentions and the attitude and confidence with which you negotiated with the company. You probably still have something you want to say, and the result might not be the best. You might feel that you didn't handle the situation perfectly compared to your colleagues, but in that situation, that was the best way you could have handled it! You should not deny that it was you.

People are constantly developing themselves through practice. We cannot remain forever in the past self, but each day's history will form the present self and create the future self. So, accept yesterday's me, cherish today's me, and enjoy the future me!

Yesterday, you felt like you weren't good enough in some ways. But today, you can work hard to make yourself better and make the future you feel less negative about yesterday's you!

I've said a lot, and I hope I've given you some new ideas to open up new situations! I wish you all the best as a new mother-to-be. In your free time, you can learn more about parenting, take care of your health, prepare everything you need for the birth, and welcome your little angel!

You have so many interesting and happy things to do, so make time for them! Believe in yourself, and you will become an amazing mother.

You will get better and better every day!

Insightful, share! I'm talking to myself.

Let's calculate.

Today you go shopping.

You see a piece of clothing you like.

After bargaining with the salesperson

You buy it for 500 yuan (it costs 800 yuan).

You're happy you saved 300 yuan.

One day, you see your best friend wearing the same clothes as you.

You ask your friend how much her clothes cost.

Your friend bought it for 400 yuan.

How do you feel right now?

You'll feel like you're not a good bargainer and that your friend got a better deal.

If so, you'll be stuck here.

You're only thinking about the 100 yuan.

I wonder why I bought this dress.

It doesn't matter anymore.

You got this thing you're talking about today.

When you see a few hundred dollars compared to 2N,

You'll still feel that.

The two comparisons are not the same.

Is that it? Is that all there is on the file?

Are they just numbers?

I was interviewing a human resources employee.

I once pointed at a stain on a white wall and asked the interviewer.

"What do you see on the wall?"

The interviewer stared at the stain on the wall and said, "A black spot."

I asked again, "What else can you see?"

The interviewer didn't know what to say.

This is how most people react.

When there's a stain on the wall.

Everyone would notice this flaw.

The entire blank wall.

You'd be indifferent to it.

Back to the original poster's question.

It's the same thing.

If the unit didn't agree at the time.

But they negotiated to reduce the compensation.

You might not be like this now.

If the company had not compensated you at the 2nd rate.

But gave you less than 2n in compensation.

Will you be content with 20 years of compensation?

People are never satisfied.

The best compensation has been received.

There's no need to dwell on why you didn't ask for more.

Such thoughts make you more tangled up.

No matter what.

As long as you don't make things difficult for yourself.

Others can ignore it.

Tying a knot in your heart is a disease you can cure yourself of.

You can heal yourself.

Hello. I'm Xing Ying, a counselor.

I've read your question three times and feel like we're meant to talk.

The company is downsizing, and as a new mother with four months of maternity leave, there are a lot of things to deal with. From your words, I don't see any pressure, complaints, or anxiety. I think you must be a very gentle person. That's great!

Let's look at how your self-blame came about. To make it easier, I'll give you a score.

I'm not you, so I don't know how you feel. You can score it yourself if you want.

[The company offered me 2n compensation, and I asked for my maternity allowance] Satisfied, no self-blame

I fought for my rights by adding the maternity allowance to the original plan.

[The company agreed directly, and I felt I didn't get the best part] Self-blame score +1

My original request was low, but I could have gotten the highest part.

I told my husband. He said the company had agreed too quickly and I must have lost out. At the time, this made me feel uncomfortable, but it's nothing now. Self-blame +2, 3 points accumulated

My husband agrees that getting the highest part is possible.

A friend's colleague collected evidence in every way possible to maximize their interests. I felt I had not done a good job and blamed myself! Self-blame +6, total 9.

My colleague got it. The idea that was predicted earlier has now been confirmed. I also saw that my colleague chose a different way of handling things than I did. If I had acted like my colleague, I would not have gotten less than she did.

I feel weak and think about what I did wrong. I wish I had been more prepared.

Let's think about our original idea.

Do you want to get the highest? Are you sure you had a firm idea when you first heard the news? If so, we have two ways of thinking.

1. I had a clear goal from the beginning.

When setting a goal, have we done research, analyzed options, and compared them with other successful cases? If not, can I buy time by saying, "I need time to think"?

If this is the case, we need to learn some methods. This is just a matter of skill. Failure to get things done is not the same as having a bad personality.

2. I didn't think about it much at first. I wasn't greedy. I just thought it would be about right.

If so, you're happy. But why blame yourself?

You were happy with your original expectations, but you were distracted from your goal and led away by other people's goals. External factors interfered with your original goal.

Your character is not strong or weak. It depends on your goals.

I have one more question for you.

If expectations are met, would you like to be a fierce person who falls out with anyone and makes a big scene? Do you prefer the person you are now, or the person you are like that?

You have your current lover, children, friends, and all your social relationships. Do you see that the people they like are just like you? You are you, and you have a unique way of getting along with others.

I'm not saying you should ignore your heart. I'm saying you should accept and like yourself after you've clearly understood your goals. Distinguish between behavior, goal setting, and your unique self. See that you are good.

I love you and wish you happiness.

The questioner's description is as follows:

The company proceeded to lay off a considerable number of individuals, with the result that the second party in question was compensated solely with the maternity allowance.

They failed to gather evidence to maximize their interests and were willing to engage in conflict with the company.

The subject reports feelings of weakness, a tendency to ruminate on past actions, and an inability to express their thoughts to the relevant personnel.

The questioner is perplexed.

At this juncture, it is evident that you are experiencing a profound sense of discomfort and despondency, particularly a sense of being constrained. How might you cease the self-blame that is currently afflicting you?

The questioner is uncertain about the best course of action.

The following words are directed to the questioner:

The questioner is torn between perceiving the potential for attaining greater benefits for oneself, regretting that one did not secure more rights, and attributing blame and regret to oneself.

In point of fact, life is replete with analogous occurrences. To illustrate, one may purchase a new mobile telephone and subsequently ascertain that the price has been reduced. Alternatively, one may observe another individual purchasing the same item and subsequently discover that the other person's price was lower than one's own.

From one perspective, it is beneficial that the dissolution of the relationship did not result in any emotional distress. The questioner did not adopt a confrontational approach when seeking to establish his salary rights, and instead presented a clear and concise proposal.

It can be reasonably concluded that the questioner has performed his duties in an exemplary manner, utilizing his abilities to the fullest extent possible. At this juncture, it is prudent to refrain from evaluating the compensation received as either satisfactory or unsatisfactory.

Furthermore, experience has shown that it is not possible to achieve everything that one desires. Those who are excessively greedy may ultimately fail to attain their goals.

The matter is concluded. It is now time to release any remaining attachments and move on. Do not expend further energy and time on this matter. Instead, direct your attention to the future and make the necessary arrangements.