Dad never buys me things. What can I do to stop my father from asking for money?

Hello, landlord!

I have a feeling that, at the practical level, the landlord's question is very difficult to solve. But that just means there's an opportunity for you to get some expert advice! If you want to sue your father, in what name will you sue him? Can your claim be filed in the legal sense? Can you win the lawsuit in the end? I'm excited to see what advice you'll get from someone in the legal profession. They'll be able to help you navigate this tricky situation with their professional judgment.

And even if you win the lawsuit, there is still the possibility of enforcement difficulties, which is another great opportunity to consult with legal professionals and discuss the best way forward.

I'm excited to discuss some issues at the psychological level with you! I think you'll find it helpful to consider these things further. Once you do, you'll be able to identify more essential issues for yourself. And your feelings and thoughts will become clearer when you're seeking solutions to the problem. You can choose to pursue solutions through non-legal or legal channels—it's up to you!

The original poster's question can be broken down into two separate issues: 1. How to stop your father from continuing to ask you for money; 2. How to stop him from saying bad things about you everywhere. Let's dive in and explore these two exciting challenges together!

I appreciate your perspective. I think the challenge here is that, on the one hand, he may not have broken the law, so it may not be easy to resolve the situation through the legal system. On the other hand, the difficulty in solving this problem is that, in your opinion, the initiative to resolve the problem lies with your father, not you. The good news is that if he chooses to stop doing it, your problem will be solved!

But he has the freedom of movement and the freedom of the person, and he can come to you at any time, and he can also ask for what he wants at any time. You can also scold him at any time if you don't give it to him, and he can also tell everyone else about your wrongdoings. So your way of solving problems is to force it through the law—if the court rules that he is not allowed to do this again and he is deprived of these freedoms, your problem will be completely solved!

But I would feel that unless you lock up your father, even if the court rules that he cannot ask you for money or badmouth you, as long as he has freedom of movement, you will probably find it difficult to stop him from continuing to do so. Or, if he continues to do so, you will have to continue to go to court until he is locked up.

But then what? It's not a serious crime, so what are you going to do when he gets out after a little while?

I'd love to share my view with you: why not start with yourself and find other ways of solving the problem? You can stretch your own freedom and will when you cannot restrict his freedom and will!

I've put together a few questions that I think you'll find really helpful. Check them out below!

I'd love to know how you feel and think every time he asks you for money. How do you react?

I'm really interested to know how these feelings and thoughts influence your actions!

Let's get more specific. When your father asks you for money, do you feel distressed or annoyed when you see that he is having a hard time making ends meet? Do you think that you must give him money to make his life easier or that he should support himself?

Are your actions in line with your thoughts? If not, for example, if you feel upset and don't want to give him money, but you still do, what is the reason?

I'd love to share some possible answers to why you give him money!

1. You feel a little upset and a little sad. But you are your father's daughter, and even if he wasn't the most responsible parent when raising you, he is still your father. You feel a little sorry for him because he is having a hard time, and you don't want to give him money.

2. Social norms have created a heavy burden of moral emotions that you don't want to bear. For example, when he abuses you, this kind of moral emotional pressure will be aroused. In addition, the fact that he talks about your faults everywhere also makes you feel that you will become a person who is not filial in other people's eyes because of this, and you don't want to be misunderstood and reviled.

3. You feel like you owe your father money because he paid some of your university fees after your parents divorced. This moral pressure when your father scolds you is probably also due to the fact that if he had not paid for any of your expenses during your upbringing, you probably would not have felt such a sense of guilt and would not have given him money.

4. You also have some expectations of your father. If you pay him back double the amount of the tuition fees he paid you, he will find no reason to ask you for money and will support himself. He will stop asking you for money and saying that you are not doing well. This is a great solution!

But as it turns out, he doesn't behave as you expect – he obviously doesn't need a reason to ask you for money. And if you don't give in, he will pressure you by insulting you and telling lies about you, so as to force you to give in and continue paying for his living expenses.

Once you accept this reality, you'll see why he keeps finding new ways to demand money from you and insult you and tell others about your situation. He's always been successful, and there's a good reason for that! You've chosen to cooperate with him out of your own considerations above. You've given up your freedom and will to him. You've obeyed his wishes even though you're reluctant in your heart. But remember, the body is the most honest!

Once you have recognized this, you can consider how you can solve the problem by taking back your freedom and your own will – by not complying or cooperating with him. It's time to take control of your life!

I know you will say that he will fly into a rage and abuse you even more. And I know you will say that he will go around telling everyone that you are being unfilial. But you know what? You can handle it!

And it is precisely this part – your psychological preparation – that I am thrilled to share with you!

And there's more! We've also got some great questions related to psychological preparation for you below:

If he flies into a rage and abuses you even more, how do you feel? If you find it really hard to bear these feelings and you have to give him money to keep the peace after all, are you willing to admit that you are willingly giving him money because you are buying yourself the opportunity to avoid feeling like this?

If you keep buying like this, are you willing to do so and can you really afford permanent peace? It's an exciting question! And another one: will Dad stop asking for more money each time or will he ask for more each time, just as you think he will?

If you can't buy eternal peace, what psychological and behavioral methods do you have to deal with when he insults you?

It doesn't matter whether you are filial or not, whether your father thinks you are or not, or whether other people who heard your father say that you are not think you are or not. These things can't be equated! Your father has the right to judge what kind of person you are, or should the right to judge belong to the people who heard him say that you are not filial, or should you be the one to judge yourself, because you know yourself best?

Think about it! What impact will it have on your life if everyone thinks you are unfilial? You can do this! You can stand up for yourself and not let others dictate your worth. You are worthy of love and respect, and you have the power to choose how you react to those who might not see you that way.

If you feel unable to bear the consequences and end up giving your father money, think about this: are you willing to admit that you are willingly giving him money to buy you time from bearing the consequences?

Similarly, think about this: can you always buy your way out of the effects? You used to give your father money all the time, and did that buy you his praise for being filial and keep him from saying nasty things about you everywhere?

So, if you feel that you are unwilling to give him money and are willing to deal with the effects yourself, what methods do you have to deal with and mitigate these effects? Let's find out together!

I'm so excited to share my advice and the above questions related to this advice with you! They're just a hint that you can try to change yourself and use your own strength to cope with and solve problems. You need to keep asking yourself, keep trying, and keep optimizing your answers in every real-life situation. Gradually, you'll strengthen your heart and develop your own amazing coping skills, including asking for help and support from others. This is an incredible journey, and I'm here to cheer you on every step of the way!

As I write this, I give you a big, warm hug from the bottom of my heart!

When we encounter difficulties created by our parents, it's time to take control! We can't expect others to stop our parents from creating problems, so we have to look to ourselves. He is free to do something, and so can we!

The world and I love you!