Dad wants me to divorce my husband. If I don't follow his wishes, he will cause a scene, curse at me, what should I do?

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blooming.

The two families living together was a good thing that would bring the families closer together, with parents and children looking out for each other. But now your father is getting a divorce from your mother-in-law, and he's dragging you into divorcing your husband too. The usual bickering affects the children and the harmonious atmosphere of the family, and getting involved in a big divorce matter also causes you trouble, and it may even affect the couple's relationship and trigger even greater conflicts in the family. Let's take a look together:

1. Looking back at the whole incident, when did things first start to get out of control?

From what you've said, it seems like there have been some changes. Before, you were living at home while your mother-in-law was working outside the home. Now, though, she's stopped working and is taking care of your father at home, and your small family has moved out.

It would be helpful to know when your father and mother-in-law got divorced. This will help us understand what might have motivated your father to get divorced.

Put simply, there's a positive motivation behind the behavior. For instance, he wants to gain your care and attention, and the feeling of family intimacy that comes with living together.

Also, from the time you had the baby until now, there have been arguments several times a year for five years. This seems to have become a regular thing. How did the father benefit from the arguments and divorces several times a year?

What was the response from your mother-in-law, you, and your family after the father argued a few times or after the divorce? Did the father get some emotional satisfaction from your response?

For instance, when a child steals or runs away, the parents will worry and pay more attention to the child. This reinforces the child's behavior.

For instance, when a child steals or runs away, the parents will worry and pay more attention to them. To some extent, these reactions of the parents help the child reinforce the behavior of stealing and running away.

Your father also has anxiety disorder and doesn't like it when people say the wrong things. Even though your mother-in-law is now his companion, she still doesn't have the same sense of trust and security as you, his daughter.

So you need to figure out what's driving his father's noise and find a different way to solve it.

2. "To repel the enemy, you must first pacify the country." Make sure you communicate with your mother-in-law.

"Women understand women best." Talk to your mother-in-law from the perspective of a woman and daughter-in-law. Show her why it's important to have a companion in old age. After all, children can't always be there, and a companion brings tea and water and asks after their health.

It's also a good idea to talk to your mother-in-law about your father so she can get to know him better and develop a deeper relationship with him. Find out what kind of love and care he prefers.

As a general rule, men tend to get more stubborn as they get older. So, rather than asking a man to change, it's often better for a woman to adapt to his needs. This isn't about accommodating the other person, but maintaining the harmony and stability of your intimate relationship.

Relationships are all about how two people get along. The mother-in-law is straightforward and outspoken, but sometimes not truthful. The father, on the other hand, has anxiety disorder. Communicating with your mother-in-law in a way that she can understand is like "popularizing" knowledge. You can only be "liberated" from their quarrels if your mother-in-law takes on more of the burden.

Of course, you also need to be supportive of your mother-in-law in real life. "Be clever and deceive both sides," Empress Xiao Zhuang in "Kangxi Dynasty" is also a master of home management. I recommend you watch it. His admonition to Kangxi, "If you are not deaf and blind, you are not fit to be in charge," is very philosophical.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you well.

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, you can follow my personal page, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, Jokerev here. I understand your pain.

Family relationships are often more complicated than we think, especially when several generations live together. The problems between your father, your mother-in-law, and your husband and wife involve personality traits, communication styles, and understanding and acceptance.

Your father's behavior may be a result of his inner anxiety and desire for control. His straightforward personality and over-interpretation of words may be a manifestation of his inner instability.

Be patient and try to understand. Talk to him calmly and show him there are different sides to the issue. Encourage him to seek professional help. He may not cooperate now, but it will be good for him in the long run.

Your mother-in-law and father may argue more because they communicate differently and have different habits. You can try to get them to take part in family counseling to learn how to communicate better and deal with conflicts.

As a child, you can help by mediating and showing love and tolerance.

Your father wants you to divorce him. Stand firm. Marriage is based on your feelings for your husband. Don't let your father pressure you. Talk to him. Tell him you're not betraying him. You're making an adult choice.

You have moved out of your home, which is good for your child's development. Even though you are not there, you should still take care of your parents. You can hire people to help you.

Family life is full of challenges. We need to learn to find a balance, care for our family, resolve conflicts, and create a harmonious atmosphere. Everyone is trying to adapt, including your father. Give him time and space, and also give yourself the strength to face it all.

Express your gratitude to the original poster. After reading your description, I empathize with your situation. Having experienced a similar dynamic with a father, I offer the following advice for your consideration.

Firstly, it is important to recognise that a marriage is a union between three individuals: the couple themselves, and their children. The husband is the person who will accompany the wife for the remainder of her life. Therefore, the decision to divorce or not is dependent on the relationship between the couple. No other individual, including the father of the wife, has the right to interfere. It is essential for the wife to be aware of this. Consequently, if the wife and her husband have a positive relationship, regardless of the actions of the father, it is not necessary for the wife to engage with him and allow him to influence the dissolution of the marriage.

Secondly, the marriage between your father and your mother-in-law is a rather peculiar union. It would be unwise for outsiders like us to make hasty judgments, but this may also be one of the reasons why he is pushing for a divorce. He is experiencing difficulties himself and hopes that your mother-in-law, including your mother-in-law's family (that is, your husband), will also have a difficult time. Therefore, if we were to get a divorce, your younger generation would also have to get a divorce. It is evident that your father is a very selfish person who is completely self-centered. Such a person is very intimidating.

It is commendable that you have made the decision to move out, yet it is understandable that you are still concerned about your parents' well-being. If your mother-in-law is still caring for your father and is amenable to doing so, then he is indeed fortunate. One way to address this situation is by expressing positive sentiments about your mother-in-law more frequently. You are intimately acquainted with your father's temperament and character, and your mother-in-law must undoubtedly be experiencing significant challenges as well. It is imperative to provide your mother-in-law with unwavering support and assistance in recognizing her own difficulties. Regardless of whether you perceive yourself as a "white-eyed wolf," your father's perception is likely to remain unchanged. The truth of the matter can only be determined by introspection, and not everyone shares the same characteristics as a "white-eyed wolf." It is crucial to extend support and comfort to your mother-in-law. At the very least, they have not yet divorced, and the possibility of reconciliation remains open.

A father with a paranoid disorder will undoubtedly present more challenges. Individuals with paranoid disorders tend to be highly demanding and relentless in their pursuit of their goals. They can be extremely manipulative and controlling. In the event of a divorce, it is likely that the father will experience a significant shift in his behavior, given his personality traits. It is advisable to maintain a respectful distance and fulfill your obligations as a daughter. Otherwise, it may be necessary to limit contact with him.