Did I overthink it having a strange colleague in the training institution?

Hello! Thank you so much for your thoughtful question. I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. Even after entering a training institution, there will still be some competition and various things, big and small. Although there are some differences between public schools and training institutions, the two also have a lot in common.

Teachers in public schools have a lot on their plates! They're responsible for so many different tasks. The same goes for training institutions. It's not just about teaching classes. Teaching is just one part of it. Your ability to teach, classroom management, and love and care for students will all be on display. Caring for students is the heart and soul of teaching.

Teaching is your job, and if there are any hiccups along the way, it's totally fine to work through them. If there are bigger issues, you might not be required to correct them and you may just be let go. So recently, you may have encountered a few challenges, for example, your colleague has had some difficulties.

So, it seems like she might have been asked to leave in a conversation, but in the end, she didn't leave after all. She ended up staying, but you quit instead. You were also interviewed by the leader, and you resigned when you were about to be fired. Before that, the two of you had talked, and she confided in you, without a sense of boundaries.

Then after you resigned, she asked you to leave the science group. I'm not sure if he's the group leader, but if he is, he should ask those who have already left to come back.

I'm sure there's nothing between you and her, but when she shows intimacy,

It's totally understandable that you prefer to maintain a sense of boundaries and are somewhat resistant to her cuddling. When you express your refusal, it's only natural that the other person may be more or less angry. At present, there is not much evidence to suggest that the other person is deliberately encouraging you to leave or anything like that.

I think it's just that the other person may have some strange little thoughts of competition in their mind. I don't think there are many of them, though.

I've heard that the workplace isn't really the place to make friends. There were only two biology teachers there in the first place, so if you leave, it'll be pretty tough on him being the only one left. That way, she'll be able to lean on him when she needs him.

Otherwise, there won't be anyone left to teach the class! No matter what happens to other people, it's important to focus on our own lives and figure out what we want to do and what our plans are going forward.

I hope you find the perfect place to work! I also recommend that you read some books on career planning, including "Basic Workplace Skills: Treat Every Day as an Exercise in Dreaming" and "I Understand Your Workplace Anxiety." Best of luck!

ZQ?

Dear friend, I can feel your confusion and unease right now, and I'm here to tell you it's totally normal! We all feel that way sometimes when we're faced with the pressures and complex interpersonal relationships in the workplace.

Embarking on a career inevitably means navigating complex interpersonal relationships and potential injustices. Many people encounter similar difficulties in their careers and feel confused, uneasy, or even angry. But with the right mindset, you can turn these challenges into opportunities for growth and learning!

In the workplace, we often encounter various challenges, including getting along with colleagues, the expectations of leaders, and the pressure of work, which can cause our own tension and unease. In your experience, the behavior of the biology teacher may have made you feel used and disrespected.

In this situation, it is important to protect your own emotional boundaries. Your feelings and experiences are part of your personal and professional development, and they can help you better understand yourself and how to better deal with similar challenges in future workplace situations. This is an amazing opportunity for you to learn and grow!

"Boundaries" is a fascinating concept in psychology that refers to the ability of individuals to respect each other and maintain personal space. The behavior of the biology teacher you mentioned may reflect her difficulty setting boundaries, which is an area that can be developed through mutual efforts in the workplace.

You were so brave and absolutely right to push her away and set your boundaries!

Regarding your feeling that she may be blaming you for her mistakes, this is known in psychology as "projection," a defense mechanism whereby people sometimes blame others for their mistakes or bad qualities in order to reduce their own feelings of guilt. This kind of behavior can lead to misunderstandings and conflicts in the workplace, so it is important to maintain clear communication and records. Fortunately, there are ways to handle this! First, recognize that projection is a defense mechanism. It's a way of avoiding feelings of guilt by blaming others. Second, take control of the situation. You can't control how others act, but you can control how you react. Third, communicate clearly and keep records. This will help you avoid any future misunderstandings.

Regarding the situation where you were interviewed by the leader and possibly dismissed, this may be due to workplace politics or management decisions. In the workplace, sometimes individual performance and decisions can be affected by internal organizational relationships, which may lead to some unexpected results.

Your gut is telling you something! It's possible that her behavior is to your disadvantage, and it's likely based on her pattern of behavior and interactions with you. And her subsequent removal of you from the science group may be an attempt to control the situation and maintain her position.

Her behavior may indeed make you feel uncomfortable, and you may even feel that she is gloating. But you know what? That's okay! It's all part of the journey.

It is so important to protect your emotional and mental health in the workplace! When faced with such a dilemma, we can try to talk about your feelings with a trusted colleague or friend. They can provide a different perspective and advice that can help us see more!

Now, think carefully about your role and responsibilities in the incident. How can you improve your behavior and communication in the future to protect yourself from such harm again?

It's so important to maintain integrity and honesty in the face of workplace challenges! While it might feel lonely or unfair at times, these qualities will absolutely have a positive impact on your career and personal development in the long run.

Keep your cool! Staying professional and respectful, even when you're facing unfair treatment, will help you stay strong and maintain your dignity and professional image.

Good day, question asker!

It is possible that the woman in your team who made a significant error at work may be dismissed from her position. She approached you for assistance.

You may have inadvertently pushed her away because you didn't like the way she was leaning on your shoulder. She may have become angry as a result.

Then something else occurred that also made you feel somewhat uneasy. You also have the impression that she is using you and making you take the blame.

It appears that the blame is often placed on you, and your work performance has been affected. There is a possibility that you may be at risk of being fired.

It seems that she said she would go with you, but then you resigned and she stayed in the company. It could be perceived that she pushed you out so that it would benefit her.

It seems that the questioner may have some difficulty accepting this situation and may also be experiencing feelings of resentment and anger towards this female colleague.

Let's take a closer look at these thoughts and see if they are indeed reasonable.

1. It seems that you were asked to leave by her in a way that could be perceived as improper. At work, she made some mistakes, and you did not make similar mistakes at work.

It's possible that, whether in person or behind your back, she may have done things that were detrimental to you and said things that were detrimental to you. Ultimately, you decided to leave, not her.

2. It's possible that she may think you're an easy person to work with. Working in a team with such a colleague may indeed be challenging.

It seems as though she may be prone to dramatizing situations, and your composure may be perceived as a weakness.

While you have chosen to resign, you feel that this experience has also been a valuable opportunity for personal growth. Additionally, you view your departure from this situation as a positive change.

I hope this offers you some small measure of assistance, and I wish you peace and joy!

Hug the original poster. I'm here to support you.

I understand your frustration. There are a lot of workplace routines. This colleague is simply a master of drama. She is attentive to the boss and friendly with colleagues, never missing a trick. You are still young and innocent.

When problems arise, she remains calm and collected. The science department has only two teachers, and resources are scarce. Even if there are signs of dismissal, she wants to stick together with you to keep warm, but you give her a cold response, which makes her feel extremely uncomfortable.

She found another way out, became involved with her boss, and did whatever it took to secure her position in the workplace. She wasn't going to lose her job.

She has tested you many times, trying to get your support and get close to you with all her heart. When you turn your back, she strikes, setting a trap. Just as your resignation may have something to do with her, you also helped her contact her unit, sympathized with her, and were abandoned by the other party.

In this relationship, you're always passive, easily moved by her, and showing your cards. You're in the open, she's in the dark. The other party is always protecting themselves. In adversity, they stick together for warmth, and in success, they kick people away. Protecting yourself is the most important thing. Do you agree?

This experience is also a life experience and a gift to you. You can fight for what you want, and be careful with your words and actions in critical moments. Of course, your honesty, generosity, and kindness are also rare in the workplace, and giving to the right person is also your wealth in the workplace.

Pay more attention to yourself, protect yourself, accept that you can't do it for the time being, and know that even if you leave your job, it won't affect your value. Start your life over again.

I wish you the best. You can do this.

Hello, I'm listening.

Are these your feelings?

You and your former colleague are competitive.

1. She's close to you but not sincere. You're uncomfortable, and she turns her back on you.

She's not honest or sincere.

2. She blames others for her mistakes.

3. You were interviewed by the leader, and she agreed to go with you, but she didn't. You were kicked out of the group. She went back on her word.

4. She has a boyfriend, but goes to the male leader to vent. She's fickle.

5. You're gone, she's the only one left, and she might stay. She gloats.

I understand you're confused and doubting yourself. You're puzzled by her actions and motives, and you're unsure if you're over-interpreting them.

But her behavior makes you feel uncomfortable and manipulated.

1. Set boundaries and take care of yourself.

You felt uncomfortable about her behavior. You expressed your discomfort, but she was hurt and angry because you were direct.

She's responsible for her own feelings, not yours.

2. She asked you a question. You answered, but then she flirted with you. You felt dishonest.

Why didn't you tell him how you felt? Were you afraid of hurting your relationship?

4. You might be overthinking things. Everyone has feelings and intuition. If you feel something is wrong, it might be.

Don't ignore your feelings. Find positive solutions.

Your feelings are a summary of your past experiences. They protect our growth, so don't doubt yourself.

Come on!

Dear question asker, I am Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, your heart exploration coach.

I empathize with the questioner's situation. I would like to extend my support and understanding.

It is worth noting that while there may not be a significant number of such colleagues in a given workplace, there will always be one or two individuals who exhibit similar behaviors in a larger organization. I have had the opportunity to interact with such individuals in the past, and it has become evident that they are not inclined to assume responsibility for their actions but are rather driven by a desire to maintain positive interpersonal relationships.

The optimal approach to managing such a colleague is to maintain professional distance, establish clear boundaries, and proceed with caution to mitigate the potential for missteps due to her actions.

The relationship between colleagues in the same position is typically competitive. Once the questioner leaves, the pressure on the other person will decrease, and it is not uncommon for them to feel happy. The questioner may not be surprised.

The questioner may benefit from reflecting on the relationship and learning how to navigate similar situations in the future, which could enhance the significance of their resignation.

What prompted the meeting with the leader? Is it directly related to the other party?

What strategies might the questioner employ when dealing with similar colleagues in the future?

It would be beneficial to understand the motivation behind the other person's behavior. "Benefiting oneself" may be a more reasonable explanation when viewed from the perspective of self-interest. I recommend reading "Human Nature's Weaknesses" and "The Nature of the Self" to gain a deeper understanding.

It is advisable to communicate with your leader and demonstrate your capabilities. This approach is likely to be more effective than confronting your colleagues directly. In my experience, when a new leader joins the team, colleagues often highlight perceived shortcomings. However, with sustained collaboration, the leader tends to recognise my strengths. This demonstrates that trust can be rebuilt.

Please consider a different perspective. What is the purpose of doing this task yourself? Is it due to interpersonal relationships, the environment, or something else?

Gaining an objective perspective on the situation will help you to focus your attention on the task at hand.

It may be helpful to consider whether the other person's actions are detrimental to the question owner or the former owner. If the latter is the case, the question owner may not have to be too anxious.

As the adage goes, there are three categories of matters: one's own affairs, matters of a spiritual nature, and matters pertaining to others. When these matters are clearly delineated, one can focus more effectively on one's own needs. I recommend reading "The Courage to Be Disliked," which will assist the questioner in this process.

The above represents my personal opinion for your consideration. I wish you the best of luck!

From your description, it seems that you encountered a colleague at the training institution who may be experiencing a range of challenges. I can imagine that this situation could be stressful for you, both in terms of your work and your personal relationships. Here are some observations and suggestions regarding the situation you described:

Firstly, your response to her refusal to snuggle up against your shoulder and expression of her preference for people with boundaries was understandable. Everyone has their own personal space and boundaries, and you have the right to express your feelings if you feel uncomfortable.

It would be beneficial for you to set boundaries and protect yourself, even though she may feel angry.

Secondly, you mentioned that she tends to blame you for her mistakes, which could potentially be a form of shirking responsibility. In a work environment, fairness and accountability are very important.

If you feel aggrieved or unfairly treated, you may wish to consider communicating with your leader in a respectful and constructive manner, providing evidence to support your point of view.

Additionally, her teasing you about your words and answers could potentially be perceived as an act of disrespect. At work, mutual respect and good communication are essential for fostering positive team relationships.

If you feel belittled or disrespected, you may wish to consider communicating with her in a way that is appropriate and allows you to express your feelings. At the same time, it is important to ensure that you remain professional and respectful.

It is possible that her behavior after you resigned and left the science group was her way of processing your departure. It is not uncommon for people to act impulsively when they are feeling depressed or disappointed.

While this behavior may be seen as immature or inappropriate, you have the option to ignore it and focus on your future development.

Finally, with regard to the situation where she has a good relationship with the leader of the science group and confides in him, I am not in a position to judge her motives and intentions. However, it may be helpful to consider whether she has established appropriate boundaries and professional relationships with others, given that she has a boyfriend but tends to confide in other men.

Overall, the feelings and observations you describe may be accurate, but I cannot directly assess the motives and intentions of other people. In this situation, it might be more beneficial to focus on your own development and career opportunities.

By maintaining a professional, respectful, and positive communication style with your leaders, you can build strong working relationships and succeed in your career. It's important to remember that your value and abilities should not be negatively affected by others.

Hello, I'm Liu, a heart exploration coach and listener.

As humans, we often have to navigate a lot of different relationships. The main thing is that the context of a relationship often determines the initial role setting between you and the other person. For example, if you're colleagues, the focus is likely to be on work tasks. This is why interpersonal issues can make us feel complicated, because a single relationship can lead to other attributes, such as friendship and competition, from colleagues.

Sometimes we feel a bit confused.

The sudden show of goodwill and familiarity, along with the hidden tension and confrontation in the words, seem to convey a sense of uncertainty in the workplace. It can be challenging to determine the intentions of the person approaching you.

First, "strange" is the key word in your statement, which shows that you're taking a close look at what happened and trying to figure out why. Asking questions shows courage.

Dear questioner,

I believe we should respect our intuition. When we're confused or feel uneasy around someone or something, we should take a moment to talk to ourselves about it.

Throughout human evolution, we've always had the ability to sense danger. Our subconscious mind is always one step ahead of our conscious mind, so it will warn us through some discomfort. It might not always be completely correct, and our intuition isn't always right, but when it appears, please don't underestimate it.

I had the same feeling after reading your question as I did when I first read it.

It's important to be aware of your own psychological changes.

Maybe this will help.

2. If we trust our gut and take this one incident at a time, what actually happened?

It's worth noting that even identical events can seem different when viewed from different perspectives. I think you might also be wondering if you're overthinking things.

Are you being paranoid and thinking the worst of her, or is she taking advantage of you? All these doubts are making you more and more anxious, from feeling strange to feeling anxious. So you try to find clues in your memories, and even think about going back to test whether she is happy because you have left...

There are a thousand ways to interpret this. I'll just share some of my feelings based on the information provided in the question from the respondent for your reference. My answer may not be correct, so please consider it carefully.

1. Sudden intimacy.

And then she was at risk of being fired. You weren't close before.

There was suddenly a lot of social distance, and it was pretty strange. You told her how you felt, thinking that she'd crossed a line, and she got mad. It's hard not to wonder what she was thinking when she suddenly came over to you like that. She's also got a pretty familiar way of acting, like she's trying to be your friend but you can't trust her.

2. It seems like you've become close colleagues, but you're still not sure you're comfortable getting along with her.

How someone acts when they want to be on good terms with you depends on how you feel. If you don't feel comfortable, it's still considered offensive. She acts like she's asking for advice, but she doesn't really expect you to give her serious feedback.

It's likely that her attitude is making you feel drained and unhappy, and it's probably affecting your mood at work too.

3. She made things worse when you left. And the strange thing is, she wasn't the one who left.

This is probably the part that's making this whole thing so hard to take. You told her you might quit, but you weren't totally sure at the time, and she chose to encourage you to leave. She said you two would leave together, but when you really wanted to help her find her next job, she acted like she didn't care. Luckily, you didn't go to her house for dinner, which felt like a trap. Of course, this is just my guess.

To sum up, based on the info you've shared, this "colleague" is pretty strange, and it's not just paranoia.

You might think that this colleague approached you with bad intentions from the start and then encouraged you to leave so that they could stay.

3. Given your situation, I'd like to make a few suggestions, based on my own experience.

(1) If we can't change the past, we've got to find peace and reduce the anxiety caused by self-doubt.

I get it. This situation is bound to leave you feeling disappointed and a bit confused. All those different emotions—curiosity, anger, grievances—they're all mixed up inside you, driving you to try to find some logic in the past fragments to argue for a certain hypothesis.

There's a lot we don't know, so let's focus on the facts. She approached you recklessly. You felt uncomfortable during your time together. She encouraged you to leave, but didn't leave herself. She kicked you out of the work group.

Ultimately, you end up leaving the company.

If we understand this outcome, we need to take care of ourselves and give ourselves time to heal. Sharing these feelings can help to reduce anxiety. I can see that you're thinking about this a lot, and I agree that it's worth talking about. But we can't keep getting caught up in this kind of internal conflict forever.

Every now and then, our brains need a break.

(2) Not all past experiences are worth learning from, but in this case, we can probably learn more to avoid future risks.

The psychological issue here is about "a sense of boundaries" being invaded. From your message, it seems like this "she" has been trying to invade your social boundaries. Her intimacy is too abrupt, and in the name of being good friends at work, she doesn't respect your boundaries. If she has some ulterior motives, such as maliciously competing to suppress her competitors,

The best way to deal with people like this is to just stay away.

We should think about this some more: how to stop being passively involved in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable.

I also want to remind you that in a relationship where multiple roles may overlap, we need to be careful not to put the cart before the horse. Colleagues have their boundaries, and we work to give us a better life. If a similar situation arises in the future, we need to be on our guard.

(3) Learn to be kind to yourself, and think about how you're feeling and take care of yourself.

If you keep testing or engaging in a power struggle with such a colleague, it'll probably affect your own psychological state. I get it. It's like having a stone in your shoe—annoying.

You may have also noticed that there's a lot of uncertainty and turmoil in the workplace. We all want to be happy and comfortable. The most important thing now is to adjust our own state of mind and not let ourselves be overly affected. If you can, talk to someone you trust about how you feel. Or find a professional psychologist to help you work through the emotions that have been building up for so long.

That's all I have to say for now.

I wish you all the best.

I'm a listening therapist, Liu Quanyan.

Please don't hesitate to ask me questions or share your thoughts.

Hello, I'm Jokerev. It's clear you've faced some significant relationship challenges during this experience.

First of all, I understand your distress and discomfort at the biology teacher's behavior. She made a mistake that caused a series of problems. When faced with pressure, she sought comfort from you, but she did not respect your personal boundaries, which was inappropriate.

Your reaction is perfectly reasonable. Everyone deserves respect and the right to maintain their own comfort zone.

Her approach to handling mistakes and communication is indeed prone to misunderstanding and dissatisfaction. She is always trying to shift the focus, which is a way to cope with stress or avoid responsibility. Her pattern of behavior tires and troubles those around her, including your being interviewed and ultimately choosing to resign.

Regarding her interactions with the head of the science team and other male colleagues, it is clear from your observation and feeling that such a work environment can indeed make people feel uneasy. After you left, she removed you from the group chat, and you felt some subtle emotional fluctuations on her part, which was undoubtedly a reaction to maintain her status or reduce psychological pressure.

Your feelings may well have been accurate. Her change in attitude and subsequent actions may be due to the fact that your departure was temporarily beneficial to her. However, these are only speculations based on the current situation. Only she knows the real situation.

You've made the right decision by leaving this environment and starting a new journey.

Everyone in life is a mirror for us. Through interactions with them, we gain a deeper understanding of human nature, communication skills, and the importance of self-protection. This experience may be painful, but it is also part of the growth process. It allows you to learn to set interpersonal boundaries better and handle workplace relationships more wisely.

Next, take care of yourself and approach new jobs and relationships with an open mind. You will find your place.

Hello!

Your gut feeling might be right on the money! Based on what you told me, this colleague's behavior is pretty confusing and uncomfortable.

It's possible that she's projecting her emotions and problems onto you, blaming you for mistakes, and in some cases, she may even be hostile towards you.

It's always tricky to know what someone else is thinking, isn't it? But there are some signs that we can look out for that might help us to understand what someone is trying to do. In your case, it seems like your colleague is trying to build a close relationship with her boss at work. She's also trying to avoid taking responsibility for her actions and has been unkind to you since you left the company.

If you feel uneasy or worried, it's probably best not to take the colleague's words or actions at face value. Stay vigilant and protect your interests and dignity, OK?

Also, please don't hesitate to reach out to your former manager or the human resources department if you have any concerns or questions. Even though you've moved on from the company, if you think this colleague's behavior might affect others negatively, you can always share some information with the relevant personnel.

It's so important to remember that you can't let this colleague's behavior affect you. Stay calm, rational, and focused on your work and personal growth. You've got this!