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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello!
The questioner mentioned an internal "conflict," which is the problem of liking someone but being afraid to get close to them in a romantic relationship. The experience in junior high school also made me realize my anxiety/what-should-i-do-when-suddenly-losing-contact-with-a-boy-who-has-avoidant-attachment-style-11202.html" target="_blank">avoidant attachment personality. The most prominent problem with this type of personality is alienation and indifference in relationships. For myself, this can lead to anxiety and unease, and for my partner, it can also affect the relationship because they feel unappreciated. But there's a solution!
Liking someone but being afraid to approach them, having many thoughts inside but not knowing how to express them – this is one of the effects of distance. Not entering into an intimate relationship, but being surrounded by your own negative thoughts, being afraid of being hurt – this is also the reason why you cannot regain confidence through an intimate relationship. But there is a way to change this!
So, if they can become aware of their own thinking patterns as soon as possible, detach themselves from their subjective thoughts, believe in themselves, dare to break through their own self-limits, dare to explore the outside world, and broaden their inner space, it is a way to grow mentally!
Let's explore how we can change our avoidant attachment personalities!
1. Embrace your imperfect self and let go of perfectionism!
Love is an incredible journey of two people getting to know, meeting, and falling in love with each other. It's a time of fantasy, a period of adjustment, and then a period of calm. It's a journey that will bring many challenges, but as long as the two people can understand and tolerate each other, they'll be able to overcome any obstacle. Avoidant attachment personalities should believe in themselves and not demand a perfect relationship. In the process, they can truly feel the happy feelings brought by love!
2. Take the plunge and improve your love quotient! Learn to express yourself!
People in love who avoid attachment tend to be a bit cautious, which makes the relationship progress more slowly. But there's a way to speed things up! For fear of being hurt, they always quietly feel and pay attention to their emotions. This is actually very detrimental to both parties' understanding of each other. But it doesn't have to be! Our feelings need to be seen and expressed in order to unblock emotions. And through understanding, reading the other person, learning to listen and express, not only can the other person feel respected and understood, but also make yourself feel trusted and safe.
3. Boost your self-confidence and value the other person's feelings!
A good relationship is a two-way street! If a person with avoidant attachment styles always treats relationships with avoidance and indifference, the relationship will eventually become dull because no new vitality is injected. The other person will also feel even more cold inside because they cannot feel valued, and they will think that they are not worthy of love or that they cannot gain recognition through their efforts. But as a lover, you can turn this around! You can understand the feelings of the other person, bravely express your doubts and thoughts, and gradually build up your inner self-confidence in the process of solving problems, so that the relationship can grow strong and grow.
You've got this! I'm rooting for you!
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Comments
I can totally understand where you're coming from. It seems like you've been through a lot with these feelings. Maybe it's worth exploring why those future love scenes feel so offputting to you. Sometimes understanding the root of our discomfort can really help.
It sounds like you've already done some selfreflection by learning about concepts like Avoidant Attachment. That's great that you're aware of it, but it might be beneficial to talk to someone who can provide professional insight. You don't have to rush into anything though.
Your roommates and friends care about you and want what's best for you, which is why they suggested counseling. But I get that you may not feel ready for that step yet. It's important to do what feels right for you at your own pace.
Feeling pressure from family about marriage can be tough. Perhaps having an open conversation with them about how you feel could ease some of that pressure. Communication can be really powerful in these situations.
It's okay if you decide not to pursue a relationship right now. Your focus should be on what makes you comfortable and happy. If being single works for you, then that's perfectly fine too. Just follow your heart.