Do I sometimes feel like I want to destroy myself as revenge against my family?

Dear questioner, I empathize with your current situation. You are experiencing the duality of being constrained by expectations and pressure, while simultaneously desiring liberation, yet feeling helpless.

First and foremost, it is important to recognize that your feelings are understandable. You have been living according to your family's expectations and attempting to meet their demands, which in itself requires a great deal of courage and perseverance.

However, concurrently, there is a longing to live one's life in accordance with one's own desires and to pursue one's aspirations. This internal conflict and struggle can, indeed, be painful and confusing.

In regard to the self-destructive thoughts that were previously mentioned, they can be understood as a form of emotional catharsis and rebellion. They emerge when an individual feels unable to cope with the expectations and pressure from their family, and they attempt to escape through this means.

It must be acknowledged, however, that this is not a viable solution. It is imperative to identify healthier and more positive methods of addressing this dilemma.

It may be beneficial to engage in more profound communication with your family. Identify an opportune time to meet with them and engage in an open and honest dialogue about your feelings and thoughts.

It would be advisable to inform your family members that you aspire to a greater degree of independence and autonomy, and that you wish to be able to live your life in accordance with your own values and preferences. Concurrently, it would be beneficial to listen attentively to their thoughts and concerns, and to attempt to comprehend their perspective and expectations.

Through communication, a mutually acceptable balance may be reached.

Furthermore, it would be beneficial to focus on one's inner needs and learn to prioritize self-care. It is important to avoid excessive self-pressure and allow for sufficient rest and relaxation.

It would be beneficial to develop new interests, form new relationships, and enhance your quality of life. This will provide you with a greater reservoir of resources and resilience when you experience stress and adversity.

The aforementioned soft control of family members is a challenging behavior to navigate. It is possible that the individuals in question are unaware of the distress and pressure their actions have caused.

One may attempt to express one's feelings and needs in a gentler yet firm manner to facilitate comprehension of one's position and thoughts. Concurrently, one may also pursue professional psychological counseling to enhance one's ability to navigate familial relationships.

In conclusion, regardless of the approach selected to address this issue, it is imperative to prioritize self-care and self-love. Each individual possesses the inherent right to pursue their own happiness and satisfaction.

It is imperative not to allow oneself to descend into a self-destructive spiral; rather, one should endeavor to confront life in a constructive manner and to identify sources of personal fulfillment and contentment.

It is my conviction that, provided one is courageous in confronting one's innermost needs and assiduous in pursuing solutions to one's problems, one will ultimately prevail over adversity and embrace a superior future. I am, and always will be, available to provide support.

Persevere in the conviction that a favorable outcome is forthcoming.

Hello, dear stranger!

I totally get where you're coming from and I can see your anger and despair in your eyes!

It's possible there are some emotions you're not even aware of! I'm not sure if you realize that in the past, you followed your parents' arrangements and always kept your inner emotions and true emotions hidden.

Please, take a deep breath and try to stay calm. Think about what you're saying and try to be rational.

You can express your emotions in a rational way, instead of hurting yourself. I know it's tough, but you can do it!

I know your parents have arranged your life, that you are living according to their ideas, and that you are very dissatisfied. It's totally understandable! You are full of resentment. So what kind of life do you want? Do you have a blueprint for the future in your heart?

Just imagine your future life and take the first step! Dissatisfaction and resentment will only make things harder for you.

I think you're an adult now, and you've learned to take responsibility for yourself. It's important not to get into a confrontation with your parents, because fighting with each other will only cause you pain. I can see two children fighting!

I hope I didn't offend you when I said that two children were fighting. It's just that I can see between the lines that your parents are also children, and they want something from you (I will explain later), and you are also fighting for something like a child!

Maybe it's about freedom, or independence.

Maybe it's recognition! You need to take the time to perceive yourself, and as a stranger, I cannot perceive you for you.

I'd love to hear more about your parents. It seems like they have a strong desire to control, and you're aware of it yourself.

They may lack a sense of boundaries, impose their will on you, not respect your feelings, not listen to your heart, and keep you feeling aggrieved inside. In psychological terms, your parents may have ignored your individual differences and your independence.

In terms of social interaction, they also want you to stay at home and by their side to meet their needs. In fact, in the eyes of many people, parents' unconscious blocking of your contact with the outside world and their unconscious disruption of your normal social activities is also a means of control.

It's so important to remember that when we see control in the name of love, it's often a sign of inner lack of security.

When we feel secure, it means we're protected from physical or emotional harm. It's also about having a sense of control over our lives and surroundings.

Have you ever taken the time to really understand your parents' families of origin? To get to know your parents better and understand the challenges they faced growing up?

If they realize it, maybe they'll regret it. And if you understand it slowly, your mood will be slightly better, I'm sure!

Let's get back to the topic at hand. It's natural for people who feel insecure to want to hold on to something to fill the void inside.

They may lack a sense of security and have weak personal boundaries. To them, a child is a beautiful creation, and they believe that they have given the child life, so the child belongs to them and is not an individual with independent characteristics. They may lack a sense of security and want their "creation" to remain within the safety limits they recognize to the greatest extent possible.

In every aspect of their lives, they really want their children to make choices that they approve of.

People who lack a sense of security often believe that the way to gain a sense of security is to have control over their environment and what they do. This is why they often resist the unknown. For them, the unknown world means danger and loss of control. They would rather you work in your hometown, for example.

It's totally normal to want to control the situation and reject the unknown when it comes to life experience. After all, we all learn from our own life experiences, and we tend to use our own values to define what's good or bad in a choice, a profession, or a field. These are all actions taken by our unconscious state.

They lack a sense of security and are influenced by their family of origin. They continue the way their parents educated them, and they pour their anxiety and helplessness about life onto the next generation. This can cause harm to you, my dear friend!

When you're feeling hurt, you can read what I've written and take a step back to view your relationship with your parents from a third-person perspective.

You and your parents come from different original families. They have their own challenges and issues to work through, just like we all do. (The idea of issues was proposed by Adler, who proposed the idea of separating issues. If you're interested, you can read his books.) You also have your own challenges and issues to work through.

It's time to transfer your resentment and grievances towards your parents! Focus on yourself, find the life you want, and make plans in your mind.

Be true to yourself and ignore your parents' complaints and anger. It's okay to feel this way, but try not to take it personally. It's a manifestation of their lack of security, and it's something they need to work through. You don't need to destroy yourself because of them! You don't need to destroy your own physical health for them. Your body is your own, and you deserve to take care of it.

Even if you destroy the "works" they care about, what do you get? I'm here to help you find relief, if you'd like.

I really don't think destroying yourself is a wise move. It's so important to raise your awareness and do what you think is right.

It's so important to calm the anger within. Psychological anger is a very powerful force. Excessive anger and resentment can make it really hard to think clearly and judge what is right and wrong.

Cultivate a sense of self-worth. Recognize your own strengths and find the source of your happiness. Learn to trust yourself. Focus on improving your own understanding and broaden your horizons by reading.

It's so important to set your own boundaries and clearly express to your parents and siblings what you want and what you don't want. It's also really helpful to learn to say no to unreasonable demands.

It's important to remember that revenge isn't the answer. Don't take revenge on others by destroying yourself, and don't take revenge on your parents by destroying yourself. This will only make things worse.

Take a deep breath and put down the flames of anger. You've got this! I recommend the book Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to help you correct your wrong thinking.

"Embrace your inner child"! Be kind to your inner child. Don't let anger hurt him. He's already been through a lot with your parents' unfair decisions and disappointments. Your anger will only make him feel worse. Show him love and support with your grown-up thinking!

I wrote this paragraph to help calm your inner feelings!

I wish you the best of luck!

Good day. I extend to you a 360-degree hug.

From the detailed account of the situation, it is evident that you are currently experiencing a high level of anger, helplessness, and grievance.

Your family wanted to arrange your life for you, and you began to comply. The primary reason was that you were young at the time, and you lacked the strength to decline, as you required their financial support. Additionally, you lacked the courage to decline, as you were uncertain of how to proceed if you did not heed their advice. Furthermore, you were unprepared to handle the potential consequences of making your own choices or were concerned about the potential for their moral pressure.

Now that many years have passed, you have grown up enough to no longer depend on them for your livelihood. You have the strength to deal with the consequences of saying no. You are capable of dealing with anything in life.

When they attempt to exert control and dictate your actions, you experience a strong sense of frustration. You are not inclined to be managed by them. You desire autonomy in determining the course of your life and to move beyond their influence. However, they are unlikely to accept this, as it challenges their authority. Despite their relative inexperience, they often perceive themselves as more knowledgeable due to their parental or older sibling status.

The situation is that they wish to impose constraints on you, while you seek to escape from their control. It is to be expected that this will give rise to conflict.

You may be driven to self-destruction and seek retribution against your family, but what you truly desire is autonomy and the ability to live your life according to your own principles, not as a mere puppet in their hands.

Some individuals exhibit rebellious tendencies at an earlier age, while others manifest them at a later stage. During adolescence, individuals develop a crucial personality trait: independence. They act in accordance with their own wishes, abilities, or characteristics, while being aware of their identity and aspirations. Many parents believe that their children's rebellious conduct during adolescence is a reflection of their true desires. However, it often conflicts with their expectations for their children's behavior. Parents assert their authority and demand obedience from their children, which can lead to a perception of rebelliousness in the children.

It is important to note that children simply want to be themselves and live according to their own ideas.

Your rebellious period came a little late. You have been deeply bound to your parents and family for so many years, and now you want to be independent. There is a fear on both sides. Moreover, in Chinese culture, filial piety is of great importance. Many people view disobeying and rebelling against one's parents as an act of great treason, and you are already morally judging yourself.

Therefore, when they are labeled as unfilial or perceive themselves to be unfilial, they experience significant distress and feel as though they are undeserving of human status. However, it is important to recognize that not all parents are capable of providing their children with the love and affection they desire, nor can they always love their children in the manner they desire.

You are exhibiting rebellious behavior and demonstrating a lack of willingness to adhere to traditional moral standards. This has led to feelings of anger, helplessness, and frustration. Despite your efforts and the psychological challenges you have endured, you are still hoping for a degree of respect and autonomy in your personal life.

My recommendation in this situation is to be appropriately unfilial and allow yourself to be unfilial, given that not all parents are capable of loving their children. You have made significant efforts and possess the necessary abilities, and you don't have as much of a psychological burden.

However, this is still a source of distress. You still hope to receive their love, so when your relationship is not good again, you will have such strong emotions.

As previously stated, not all parents are capable of providing the level of love and support their children require, and they also have their own limitations. It is important to accept these limitations and recognise that not all parenting styles are conducive to fostering positive relationships. If a particular approach is deemed acceptable, it should be accepted. However, if it is not, it is equally important to accept the love and support provided by the parent in question.

The love you desire can be found in other relationships. Then, interact with them in a manner that aligns with your preferences, and they will have to accept your approach.

I recommend that you consult with a counselor. I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes positive.

Hello, dear.

This feeling is a deep sense of symbiosis, where the parents want to be deeply entwined with you, to control you mentally and make you live your life according to their will. This approach will make you feel that you and your parents are one, annihilating your subjectivity and parasitically attaching your parents to you.

This feeling of being manipulated and engulfed makes people want to rebel and separate. Your frequent urge to self-destruct is a manifestation of your subjectivity wanting to develop. You want to take control of your own life, and you will.

Self-destruction is a way of taking back control and winning. It's a form of revenge.

You are one with your parents, so destroying yourself is a way of expressing your anger at them.

Let it out. Express your anger at being controlled and having your boundaries violated by your parents.

Self-destruction is the only way you can express aggression and anger, but it doesn't help you develop your subjectivity or achieve true independence and separation. When you express your desire for independence through self-destruction, you're agreeing that you and your parents are one and that you're not an independent individual.

This is a paradox.

You have made compromises in the past, defending your family in front of outsiders. These show that you are fulfilling your parents' desire to be one with you. When you fulfill your parents' demands, your heart may not have to endure the anxiety caused by being separated from your parents and disobeying your parents.

However, human development naturally and inevitably leads to independence. As you grow older and develop your own subjectivity, you will undoubtedly become increasingly driven to chart your own course in life.

I believe this is the reason for the growing conflicts with your parents and your increasing anger and rejection of their control.

Your desire for independence is a natural one, but self-destruction is futile. It is proof of your lack of independence and your desire to continue to entangle with your parents.

The way to escape entanglement is to be yourself and let them be themselves. You can get entangled, but I won't get entangled with you. I'll go my own way and not take the bait.

You will truly separate from your parents spiritually. You will allow your parents to live their lives in their own way.

You also allow yourself to live differently from your parents. You are more independent, freer, and happier than they were.

It's challenging to break free from a relationship that binds you. The old relationship will try to drag you back in various ways. You also have to develop and grow your independence. You're reluctant to part with the old relationship. You're unfamiliar with exploring life on your own. These factors make it difficult to break free from these relationships.

The road of solitude is not easy, but it leads to freedom.

Take things slowly and gradually, without having to confront your parents head-on. In little things, feel the direction you want to go in, make your own decisions your own way, and slowly let go of your parents' will from dictating your decisions. When faced with your parents' continued control, take it lightly, don't take it seriously, don't take the bait, and non-violently resist their attempts to control you.

When you experience the joy and beauty of being your own master through little things, you'll realize that you can live a good life even if you're independent and make your own decisions, even if you don't listen. Your confidence will grow, and your footsteps will become more and more determined.

As your inner subjectivity grows and you allow your parents to be themselves without forcing them to change, you will no longer feel as angry or as hurt when you are once again confronted with their verbal attacks. You have become a fuller person.

You are moving on from a deep and entangled relationship.

I am here to help. I am therapist Xu Yanlian, and I am available for conversation.

I wish you the best.

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

First, we will discuss self-destruction. When you see this title, you can appreciate the helplessness and pressure of the poster. After reading the text carefully, you are even more touched by some of the experiences of the poster. If I were in his shoes, I might not be able to bear it anymore.

The individual in question currently displays strong emotional tendencies, which may be indicative of a resistance to external influence. A review of their developmental history reveals a pattern of strict parental control or excessive interference, which may have contributed to a proclivity for resistance following independence.

As children, we were unable to resist our parents' control and could only obey, which resulted in a loss of our own space and freedom. This led to feelings of anger and a lack of release for our vitality and emotions. Now, this energy may manifest as a disguised rebellion and attack.

The questioner currently has strong emotional thoughts, and it may be that our body and mind are tired and bored. We are often reluctant to admit this feeling, but our actions indicate otherwise.

Many of us find ourselves in a situation where we are striving to align with the expectations of our family, yet unable to fully embody the way we want to live. This can lead to a sense of physical and mental fatigue, as well as irritability.

It is possible to achieve a state of emotional equilibrium. When we become aware of these strong emotions, we can attempt to answer the following questions: Is this true? What does this remind me of?

"When we begin to accept our emotions and allow them to flow, we will find it easier to avoid developing distorted behaviors as a result of emotional repression. We can also try to record what our feelings are at the moment.

Please feel free to record your feelings in your writing, as this will help us to understand the causes and effects of emotions and clarify the root of the problem.

It is possible to learn to distract oneself and stop the replay of events in one's mind. When one inadvertently thinks about these high expectations and demands, one can try to shout "stop" at oneself, take a deep breath, and do something else, such as listening to music, stretching, etc., to distract oneself. Meditation and mindfulness are also very effective methods for regulating one's emotions.

It would be beneficial to adjust our mentality, let go of our expectations of perfection, and accept our own inadequacies and imperfections. Childhood experiences should not be allowed to determine our entire lives. We should view life as a long-distance race and cherish our lives and health.

Let us now turn our attention to the issue of control. Why do some parents seek to exert control over their children? It may be because they do not perceive their children as individuals with their own distinct personalities, but rather as extensions of themselves. They exert control over their children in order to fulfill their own desires.

The long-term control of children by their parents has a detrimental effect on their self-esteem, leading to a loss of autonomy and a tendency to comply with their parents' wishes. This can increase the risk of anxiety and depression in children.

As the original poster stated, I believe I have fulfilled my family's expectations by helping them achieve their goal of pursuing education and by pursuing the type of work they desired, which has brought honor to the village and the family. However, I was actually quite unhappy for the first three years. I was unsure of how to express my feelings and was too ashamed to do so.

It would be beneficial to set aside time to have an open and honest conversation with our parents. This would allow us to gain a deeper understanding of their childhood experiences, view them from a different perspective, and gain insight into their current situation. During this conversation, it is also important to express our concerns and desires for the future. We may wish to convey that we have grown up and hope that our parents will make adjustments in their approach to parenting in the future.

Communication can facilitate the release of pent-up emotions and enhance the parent-child relationship. It is essential to anticipate both potential outcomes. If parents demonstrate receptivity, we can gradually and at our own pace work on improving the relationship.

If our parents are unable to accept this immediately, we should not be discouraged. After all, it has been a long-standing habit. We should create an opportunity to communicate again and believe that time and sincerity will allow our parents to see our growth.

It is also advisable to seek assistance, given that this issue has been causing you distress and preventing you from overcoming it immediately. It would be beneficial to speak with a family member or friend you trust and who has consistently provided you with positive support. If necessary, you can also consult with a counselor, as expressing emotions can help relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

It is also important to empower ourselves by affirming that we have grown, that we have the strength and ability to protect ourselves, that we can affirm and satisfy our needs, that we can express and communicate our thoughts, that we can accept and appreciate our imperfect selves, that other people's opinions are just incidental, and that we must always believe that we have the right to choose.

We recommend the following book: "Mindfulness: The Present is a Flower."

You feel the need to destroy yourself in order to take revenge on your family because you have become a masterpiece created by them, serving them.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider that you have not received any corresponding benefits. This may be an opportunity to explore alternative solutions that could provide you with the freedom you desire.

You took the entrance exam for the high school that was of interest to your family.

It would seem that the major you chose was one that they asked you to change.

It is their hope that you will return to your hometown to live.

You do the work that has been asked of you.

It could be perceived that all of this is akin to a trajectory that has been mapped out for you, following a predetermined path.

It appears that you may lack your own thoughts and ideas, as well as the autonomy to make your own choices.

You have become a creation of your family, which they can show off to their neighbors and relatives, and take pride in.

However, that is not what you desire.

You may wish to consider ways of breaking free from their control and going far away.

Once you have created some distance, your family may feel a sense of betrayal and express dissatisfaction with you in various ways.

At this juncture, it is understandable that you may be reluctant to compromise. At the same time, you may be experiencing a certain degree of guilt.

When you want to break free from the control of your family, but feel constrained by your conscience, it can seem as though the only way forward is to destroy yourself, so that they will let you go and you can find relief.

At this juncture, it would be beneficial to take a moment to calm down.

You are already moving away from their influence, and it may feel as though you are being pulled in two different directions. If you add the force of gravity to this, it could have a negative effect on you and your family.

While self-destruction may seem like a way to avenge your family, it's important to consider what it will actually get you.

Perhaps the appeal of revenge is a temptation you're grappling with.

I imagine you might want something else, don't you?

Perhaps what you desire is to live your life in a way that is true to your own values and aspirations.

Even if you make a mess, you are happy because you have the opportunity to take responsibility for the situation and you prefer to manage your own affairs.

Perhaps it would be more constructive to avoid confrontation and focus on building our strength and moving in our own direction.

That will be all for now.

My name is Yan Guilai, and I am a psychological counselor. I am here to support you on your journey of self-discovery and truth-seeking.

Hi there! How are you doing?

Your feelings towards your parents are a mixture of love and hate. You both love each other very much, but this "love" is a controlling love. The resentment between you is also caused by this "control." The idea that you want to take revenge on your parents by committing suicide is actually based on the fact that they love you, right? If they didn't care whether you lived or died, you wouldn't be able to take revenge by committing suicide. So, let's explore how you can resolve this!

So, how can this be resolved? Let's continue to explore together and find the answer together!

[Ways of expressing love]

1. Understand yourself!

Your love was "control-submission." You always obeyed your parents in order to get their love. Then, something amazing happened! You had the chance to change your fate and leave your hometown. Even if life in the big city is stressful and you break with your family, you must live your own life. This is correct! We must first live for ourselves. This is a sign that you love yourself. At that time, if you could not free yourself from the pain, you would be mentally self-destructive. Thank yourself for it! You have begun to know how to love yourself.

Because you have grown up and are capable of loving yourself, you are no longer dependent on your parents' love and can obey your own heart. This is a wonderful thing! But what do your parents feel at this time?

Oh my goodness, that must be so hard for them!

2⃣️ Understand your parents

Parents don't realize that their control and harming you. They think that's loving you and doing what's best for you. No matter how you explain it to them, they won't understand. This is the limitation of their perception. Parents' logic is that "living according to their requirements" is for your own good. They long for you to understand their good intentions, and are afraid that you won't do well on your own, that you'll work hard, and that you'll be bullied. They can help you by staying by your side. In their hearts, you'll always be a child. But here's the good news! You can help them understand. You can show them that you're capable of making your own decisions and that you're ready to take on the world. You can show them that you're strong and capable and that you'll be just fine on your own. You can show them that you'll never work hard and that you'll never be bullied. You can show them that you're ready to take on the world!

And your "disobedience" means disobeying them and not loving them. They are afraid that you don't love them, so they try every means, both soft and hard, to "keep you" and keep you by their side. As long as you are a little soft-hearted (and get along a little better with them), they can use your "sense of guilt" to emotionally blackmail you. But here's the good news! You can break free from this cycle. You can open your heart and express your understanding of your parents in front of them, truly accepting their love from the bottom of your heart. This is the key to resolving the conflict within you.

There is a way to resolve this! You can open your heart and express your understanding of your parents in front of them. Show them that you truly accept their love! Psychologically speaking, there is a prerequisite for "acceptance," which is to resolve the conflict within you.

[Internal conflict]

Obeying yourself goes against your parents' wishes, and this is the pain that guilt produces. But you can overcome this!

Obeying your parents goes against your own heart, and this is the pain of killing yourself. But you can overcome it!

Once you've explored this, you'll feel the pressure from your parents and the pain caused by the sense of guilt. But don't worry! You can relieve this pain by taking revenge on your family by committing suicide. This is your way of saving yourself. And to relieve the "guilt of disobeying your parents," just hug yourself!

[How to relieve internal conflict]

Internal conflict is our own, conflicting emotional experience. The great news is that we don't need to rely on our parents to change their thoughts or expectations. We can solve problems ourselves and take responsibility for ourselves! So, how do we deal with it?

1⃣️Let's dive into how guilt arises! It all starts with your perception of love, which is based on your parents' logic. Disobedience is seen as a sign of not loving them, which can lead to feelings of guilt for not loving your parents.

By the same logic, if parents disobey you, they are not loving you, and resentment arises. So you love and hate your parents at the same time—it's a fascinating phenomenon!

2⃣️ How to resolve the intertwined love and hate

Now, think about what love is. Is love obedience?

"Is disobedience a sign of not loving them?," there is no standard answer. I understand that love means respecting others first, accepting our differences, and being able to be ourselves. You can be yourself!

And that means accepting that your parents have high expectations and high standards for you! They believe your excellence is due to their genes and their upbringing. This is their perception, and we respect it.

We are so grateful for the nurturing of our parents, and we also recognize our own efforts. Our excellence is created by ourselves. We have always been constantly breaking through and surpassing ourselves, and we love ourselves more and more. Come on!

I really hope this helps!

I'm your friend, Potato Maling, who has grown up with you. Thank you so much for your attention!

I understand your struggle. You seem to have a lot of conflict between family and personal autonomy.

The idea of taking your own life to get back at your family may be a way to cope with extreme stress and distress. This is not healthy. It is a conflict between wanting freedom and self-fulfillment and the expectations of your family.

Here are some tips for coping:

1. Get professional help. A counselor or psychiatrist can help you understand your emotions, provide coping strategies, and help you develop a healthier sense of self.

2. Take time to understand yourself. This helps you set goals and decide what you want in life.

3. Set healthy boundaries and be clear about what behavior you can and cannot accept. This helps you protect your emotional well-being in interactions with family members.

4. Learn to communicate clearly, assertively, and respectfully. This can help you resolve conflicts with family members.

5. Take care of yourself. Do things that relax you, like exercise, meditation, or art. This helps your mental health.

6. Find people to share your experiences with. They can help you feel less alone.

7. Self-affirmation:

8. Revenge hurts you, not others. It's not a healthy way to solve problems.

9. Personal growth: Keep learning and growing. This helps you understand yourself and the world.

10. Accept change. Family relationships may change over time. Sometimes it's best to keep some distance from your family.

Your feelings are valid. You have the right to pursue happiness. By seeking help and practicing the suggestions, you can improve your mental state, establish healthier boundaries, and have better family relationships.

"Destroy yourself and take revenge on your family." I believe many individuals find themselves in a similar position and have contemplated similar actions.

If I am unable to achieve my objectives, it is unlikely that you will be able to achieve yours either. Given that I am unable to attain what I want, I am also unwilling to accept what you want. Let us both accept the situation.

This idea is both refreshing and decisive. At that moment, you may not have been concerned with the consequences, and your sole objective was to achieve happiness through destruction.

I believe that at that moment, you were likely experiencing a high level of frustration and a sense of helplessness.

I would like to offer you a supportive gesture in the form of a gentle but firm embrace.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you to address your emotions before dealing with the matter at hand.

Once we have regained our composure and our thinking has returned to a rational level, we may be able to identify an alternative approach to the current situation.

The relationship with my family is strained, and I am often the target of blame from my sister and mother. If I were in their position, I would likely communicate with my mother in the following manner: I understand your desire for me to remain close to you so that we can see each other often, maintain a close relationship, and provide mutual support.

However, this is what you want, and my hope is to make a splash in the outside world. Setbacks and difficulties are to be expected, and I am willing to face them.

If I remain in this situation, I will not achieve the results I am seeking. I believe that our current dynamic is not conducive to a positive outcome. It seems that we are not operating as a unified family, but rather as adversaries with a deep-seated animosity.

Mutual understanding and respect are essential for a productive working relationship. It is important to avoid forcing decisions upon one another, using aggressive communication styles, and failing to hear each other's perspectives.

It is my hope that I can maintain a positive relationship with my family and that our mutual respect will continue to be a priority. However, I recognize that my current approach to interacting with my family may result in increased frustration and a lack of rational thinking.

I do not wish to be associated with that environment, and I believe that staying away from it will allow me to become more gentle, polite, and courteous, which is my goal.

I understand that this approach may be challenging for you to accept, but it is my most preferred course of action at this time. I believe that you also want me to live a fulfilling life. This is what I consider to be a fulfilling life, and I hope to have your blessings.

However, if you do not approve of my actions, it is acceptable for you to disapprove, but please refrain from interfering with my decisions and forcing me to act in a way that is contrary to my own beliefs.

When I am injured while away from home, I naturally expect support from my family. However, if I return and you imply that I am at fault, it will be extremely painful, as if I were being stabbed twice.

That is one reason I wish to maintain my distance. I have already been unable to rely on your assistance, and I am not interested in further involvement.

I will do my utmost to live the life I want to live.

My current situation will persist for an undetermined period of time, possibly until I have resolved the matter and am in a position to engage with those close to me. I will return when the time is right. I kindly request your patience.

Hello, my dear friend! I am a heart exploration coach. Fly free, life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blossoming.

Give you a loving hug. You've been a "good girl" since childhood, used to all kinds of "arrangements" made by your parents and family for you: going to school, applying for a major, choosing a job, where to live, etc. You've done as they wished, and you've succeeded. You're their pride, and they want to continue to "demand" this of you.

As an adult, you may feel more and more oppressed and powerless.

?1. It's so great that you're aware of the problem now that you're all grown up!

It's important to remember that parents and family members have a lot of influence in their relationships with us. This sentence really captures how you feel in your interactions with your family: it's like you're a marionette, controlled by them.

When you were young, you were still learning how to think for yourself. You did exactly what they asked because that's what you knew how to do. But as you grew older and learned more, you began to form your own opinions about people and things. You "saw" that the way you had previously gotten along with your family was one of control and being controlled.

That's why you feel so down and out. Now that you're an adult, they still want to control your life like they did when you were a kid and make you do everything they want. If you can't do it, they'll get mad and say you're disobeying them.

But here's the thing: their "control" seriously undermines your need for independence and autonomy. When emotions are not understood and emotional needs are not met, it can lead to a sense of frustration, a deep sense of helplessness, and powerlessness.

They even want to destroy the person they think they have "created"—their work.

Over time, this can also make you think of yourself as a "victim." It's a trauma from early childhood that leaves a deep sense of powerlessness and despair in the depths of your heart. "Victim" is a pattern. You might experience some of the following emotions: sadness, grievance, powerlessness, a sense of worthlessness, resentment, etc.

Take a moment to reflect on your own growth journey. You might realize that during your rebellious period, you didn't get to fully express yourself the way you wanted to. It's totally normal! Between the ages of 15 and 21, a crucial stage in your development, your thoughts, opinions, and even personal needs might have been overlooked or suppressed.

But this need is still there, and your current desire to "destroy yourself" is actually a rebellion against the long-term suppression of your unmet needs from that time. It's okay to feel this way!

2. The good news is that we always have a choice!

Live courageously for yourself, my dear friend. You have a choice. First of all, life is your own, and you have the right to choose.

When it comes to parental control, you have the choice to "destroy your own future" and let go of the idea that you are their work and the ego complex. While this approach might feel good in the moment, it's not the best idea because it will only "harm 800 while only harming 1,000."

You can also rebel bravely and express your true feelings to them. After all, you are now an adult, with the strength and ability to "rebel," no longer the little girl who can only rely on her parents and obey their arrangements.

Of course, you can also choose to grow yourself and use your higher dimension to embrace your parents' lower dimension. Since you have read books and gone to school, you have more knowledge and experience than they do, and you are more energetic.

Nobody's perfect, including your folks and other family members. They love you in their own way, and that's okay! But, this kind of toxic love can really do a number on you.

I really think you should read "Living a Meaningful Life." Even though the author was in a Nazi concentration camp, he still chose to face life with a smile every day. And you know what? He ended up living a really happy life!

I really hope this helps you out. I love you and I love the world too!

I'd love to keep chatting! You can follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service," to stay in touch.

From childhood to adulthood, you have been guided by your family, encouraged to think in a certain way and to live up to their expectations. You have also achieved your family's demands, becoming a source of pride for them, but this has not made you feel truly proud, but rather a bit lost. This feeling may come from suppressing your true self, living under the control of others for a long time, helping others achieve what they want in life, and the long-term neglect of your needs.

From what you've said, I can tell that you care about your family's feelings, but the way they've treated you makes you feel uncomfortable. You've decided to distance yourself from your family to protect yourself and pursue the life you want. At the same time, family conflicts are also a source of suffering for you. You seem eager to gain your family's understanding and support, to live together in peace, and don't want to push them away.

It's encouraging to see that you have a strong sense of self-awareness and the motivation to break free from external influences. I admire your courage in breaking free from the constraints you've grown up with, embracing your true self, and taking responsibility for your actions. It's a commendable decision.

Family members' various actions and words towards you may sometimes make you feel guilty and self-blame, thinking that all their bad things are brought about by you. This is often a characteristic of the more hidden control of the disadvantaged. However, their anger and accusations have only disappointed their hopes. You don't need to satisfy anyone, but you may find it helpful to be accountable to yourself.

I believe that your thoughts of self-destruction may be influenced by two factors: your attitude towards your family and your long-term feelings of being suppressed and misunderstood. It seems that you want to prove yourself in an extreme way to show them that the consequences of pushing you like this are wrong. While I understand your feelings, I think it's important to consider that this kind of thinking may not be the most constructive. Firstly, it might be helpful to accept the past encounters and the temporary attitude of your family. This is an unchangeable fact, so there is no need to argue or explain with them. Secondly, I encourage you to focus on creating your own achievements, which is a way to truly prove yourself. As for family relationships, it might be beneficial to slowly stick to your position and make achievements. I believe that with time, they will understand and accept you.

I also believe that you have the ability to achieve a happy life for yourself. I hope that you will be able to reconcile with your family and yourself soon!

My name is Chen Yu, and I am a psychological counselor. I will be here to help you find the light in your heart.

Hello, question asker! My name is Rose, and I'm here to listen and support you in any way I can.

From your words, I sense a sense of inner helplessness and confusion.

From your writing, I understand that you have always followed your family's arrangements since you were young. That is understandable, as you have had to accept that you are not in control of your own life and destiny. Later, as an adult, you were unwilling to continue to do so, and you began to rebel. However, your family was trying to encourage you to become the obedient child you once were.

There is nothing wrong with you doing this. You are the one who is responsible for your own life, and you have the right to make your own decisions and live your life according to your own desires.

My dear, I can see you have had a challenging journey. It's understandable that you still love your family and find it difficult to hear others say negative things about them.

In order to regain control of your life, you made the difficult decision to end your relationship with them in order to uphold your beliefs. It's a challenging process, but you're doing well.

It's possible that your "strong emotions" are not just current, but have accumulated little by little over the years. It might be the case that you have suppressed all those negative emotions in the past, but whenever you return to past scenes, they may arouse your old emotions, which could explain why you react so strongly.

It is not uncommon for individuals who have experienced a history of negative emotions to develop destructive thoughts as a result. This is often a natural response from the body to protect the individual from further distress. When faced with overwhelming negative emotions, it is not uncommon for people to feel a strong urge to rebel against the source of their pain. This urge can manifest as destructive thoughts, which can be particularly intense when a person is struggling to cope with their emotions.

I want to reassure you that this does not make you a bad person. It is simply your body's way of protecting you from further hurt. You are reacting to something you cannot handle, and it is this that is angering you, rather than a particular person.

I believe you still hold to your beliefs, so perhaps we could discuss them further and explore other possibilities.

1. It would be beneficial to learn to regulate your emotions when they arise.

It may be helpful to take a few deep breaths whenever you feel strong emotions. This can help you calm down and gain a better understanding of your feelings. It can also be beneficial to take care of your inner child, who may be experiencing feelings of vulnerability. Reassure your inner child that you, as an adult, have always been there for them and will continue to support them.

You might also consider writing as a way to relieve your emotions. Writing down your inner feelings can be a helpful outlet.

If you feel you need further support, you may wish to consider speaking with a professional counselor. A counselor can provide a more objective and understanding ear during this challenging time.

2. Would it be possible for you to try talking to your family?

It might be helpful to talk to your family calmly about what you really think and show them that you can live well on your own. You could let them know that everyone has the right to choose their own life and destiny. Perhaps you could ask them to respect your own choices.

Good communication can help you find solutions to problems. It's possible that they may have some concerns about your ability to manage the situation, so it might be helpful to talk to them and understand their perspective.

I believe that being honest with each other will help us to find solutions to the problems we are facing.

I hope that the world and I can show you love and bestow upon you the best that the world has to offer.

One may hope for an irreversible outcome, as this can help to clarify the distinction between right and wrong.

The probability of reversing the losses that have occurred increases in direct proportion to the accumulation of assets. This, in turn, makes it more challenging to discern right from wrong, and individuals may experience fatigue as a result.

It is a considerable psychological burden to refrain from attributing blame to others.

If one is inclined to blame others, refrain from thinking about them, absolve oneself of responsibility for others' mistakes, avoid making changes, and refuse to attempt to rectify losses, it is evident that one is engaging in a form of self-indulgent behavior. In such instances, it becomes particularly straightforward to distinguish between right and wrong.

One can enumerate the achievements, and similarly, the losses—whether caused by the individual in question or by other factors—can be quantified.

It is accurate to conclude that one must prioritize the distinction between right and wrong; however, the impact of this is constrained to the realm of prevention. This entails the avoidance of repeating the same mistake in the future, particularly when engaging in similar actions.

If one refrains from engaging in certain activities in order to avoid potential losses, one is effectively relinquishing the opportunity to leverage one's full range of advantages and strengths. In such a scenario, it becomes challenging for these advantages and strengths to demonstrate their value in a competitive setting, as the individual in question is not actively participating in the competition. Consequently, even well-intentioned actions may appear misguided or fail to meet the standards one would otherwise uphold.

For example, if one assumes that the individual who has caused one's distress has improved in some way since one's departure, this suggests that the former was not a suitable partner and that one's initial assessment of the situation was accurate. The notion that one's own circumstances have improved over time is indicative of the veracity of the initial assessment.

If one leaves an individual who has caused them harm, they may experience an intensification of the emotional distress caused by that person. As a result of this distress, they may perceive an increase in the losses they have suffered as a result of that person's actions. Following the cessation of contact with that person, however, there may be a subsequent improvement in one's spiritual, material, or social well-being. Despite this potential for recovery, the individual may still perceive the losses as being significant.

Cognitive abilities are a fundamental aspect of human development that require continuous enhancement. This is particularly crucial in professional and familial contexts, where the ability to process information and make informed decisions is essential. Cognitive skills are, therefore, a mandatory component of an individual's growth and development.

Good day, question asker. My name is Evan, and I'm a consultant in the Transactional Analysis school.

From the questioner's description, I can sense a certain conflict and negative emotions, such as anxiety. It is not uncommon for parents to exert control and demands on their children, which may sometimes stem from a lack of personal security.

The questioner's experience is quite complex, involving family relationships, personal growth, and self-awareness. In traditional Chinese culture, family harmony and filial piety are highly valued.

However, as time goes by, the individual's need for self-realization and independence also grows. This presents a dilemma that reflects a conflict between tradition and modernity, as well as between family expectations and personal aspirations.

The questioner has mentioned some conflicts and clashes with their family members, as well as some resulting psychological pressure and suicidal thoughts. These are very serious problems that require our attention and a solution.

The questioner's family has high expectations and demands on the questioner, which is a challenge many families face. They may believe that their approach to living and working is the best option, but they may not fully realize that everyone has their own personality and needs and cannot simply live up to other people's expectations.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to communicate honestly with them, let them know their thoughts and feelings, and try to find a way to get along with more balance and mutual respect. From the questioner's text, it seems that they have experienced personal growth, which has involved making sacrifices and efforts to meet the expectations of their family.

This is a reflection of your respect and filial piety towards your family. However, over time, the questioner has also begun to realize their own personal needs and desires, and hopes to live their lives their own way.

Such transformations are to be expected as part of personal growth.

It is not uncommon for parents to adhere to a particular set of beliefs or values that they perceive as beneficial or in line with the prevailing attitudes of their era. This can sometimes result in a discrepancy between the expectations of parents and the personal aspirations of their children. It is essential for the questioner to reflect on their own inner needs and values and to communicate them clearly to their family members. The questioner has expressed a desire to live according to their own choices and preferences, which is a highly valuable aspect of their identity.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to consider their goals carefully and work towards them with dedication. In making decisions, it is understandable that family members may have concerns about the potential impact on the questioner or the family's reputation.

It is understandable to feel this way to a certain extent, but excessive interference and control may limit the personal development of the questioner and lead to tension in the relationship between family members. Additionally, it would be beneficial for the questioner to learn to deal with conflicts and conflicts with family members in a way that does not affect their emotions and life.

Regarding the feelings of the questioner, it is possible that the desire to self-destruct may be caused by long-term psychological stress and accumulated frustration. It is important to recognize that the desire to self-destruct is very dangerous. This feeling is not a real desire, but rather an extreme reaction to stress and difficulties.

This emotion may be the result of pressure and dissatisfaction within the questioner's heart. It would be beneficial to find a more positive and healthy way to deal with it. In the face of such emotions, it might be helpful to seek professional psychological counseling and assistance in finding a healthy way to deal with it.

It might be helpful for the questioner to consider seeking psychological counseling or communicating with friends and family for support and help.

It is not uncommon for there to be significant differences in opinion between the younger generation and their parents in China. Finding a way to navigate these differences can require patience and wisdom.

It might be helpful for the questioner to try communicating honestly with their family. This could involve expressing their feelings and needs while also trying to understand their position. While respecting the family, it may be beneficial for the questioner to stick to their own principles and pursuits, and find a balance that can satisfy their personal desires without harming family harmony.

It is important to recognize that self-destruction is not a constructive way to deal with emotions. It can impede personal growth and development.

Dealing with family relationships is a complex and long-term process that requires patience and effort. It is also important to pay attention to one's own internal needs and emotional state, and to find a way that suits them to deal with the challenges and pressures in their lives.

It is crucial to remain self-aware and maintain a positive outlook throughout this process. Everyone has the right to pursue their own happiness and satisfaction, while also bearing responsibility for the consequences of their choices.

It is my hope that the questioner will be able to find a path that suits them, realize their personal value, and maintain good family relationships at the same time.

I hope my answer is helpful to you.

I would like to suggest some related book recommendations.

Wisdom for Life: In this book, psychologist Nicholas Maculman shares his experiences of successfully overcoming psychological trauma and offers practical self-advice. This book may help the questioner to better understand themselves, find inner peace, and cope with stress in a more constructive manner.

Nonviolent Communication: This book offers a way of communicating that aims to help us avoid unintentional verbal violence and thus improve interpersonal relationships. For the communication problems between the questioner and his family members, this book may provide some effective solutions.

Human Nature: This book reveals the characteristics of human nature and provides advice on how to deal with people. By understanding human nature, the questioner may be able to gain a deeper insight into the thoughts and actions of their family members, which could help to alleviate conflicts.

Intimacy: This book offers insights into how people communicate, understand, and navigate challenges in intimate relationships. It may provide some useful perspectives and solutions to the intimacy issues between the questioner and their family members.