Do you feel insecure and never dare to express your true self with your boyfriend?

Hey there! It's great to see your face as I read your letter!

I could relate to some of the things you said about your boyfriend and your insecurities. I can relate to that too.

There's this story about a little girl who was feeling helpless and anxious. She looked around for something in the dark that she could hold onto for comfort. She found a candle and huddled close to it because it brought her peace. She wanted to be even closer to the light, and she kept getting closer and closer until she almost burned herself and extinguished the candle.

Why did the little girl insist on staying so close? Anyone would have chosen to keep a proper distance. But that was the choice of "someone else," not the little girl's, because she had none. Because her heart was barren, she wanted to feel herself and her existence through the light of others. This was just one of a thousand ways.

When you're this close, you're basically invisible to anyone else. It's like you're the only two people in the world. Negative love is also love. So I want to say that although it is painful, it is real. At this moment, all you can see is each other.

This is also a result of our experiences, regardless of whether they're right or wrong.

As for how to get rid of your pain, I'm not sure. It's not realistic to expect to gain a sense of security quickly. And I'm not sure if getting rid of it will make a "third person" appear again. So I thought, why don't you just hang in there a little longer and let the pain go for a while? What do you think?

Hello, questioner.

From your description, it's clear you're afraid your boyfriend will leave you. You obsessively question your thoughts, convinced he likes your sister. I can sense your deep-seated fear of being abandoned.

In an intimate relationship, if we are afraid that our partner will keep asking for proof of our thoughts over and over again, we must recognize that this behavior will also tire the other person out and suppress their negative emotions. At the same time, we must acknowledge that we ourselves will be caught up in worries and unable to control our negative emotions.

If you want to solve this problem, you need to improve your self-confidence and focus on yourself. You also need to understand that intimacy requires giving each other boundaries and space, as well as trust. Believe in your partner. If you cannot do these things, intimacy will lead to problems.

Your sense of security is low, and you're afraid of your boyfriend leaving. This makes your boyfriend feel insecure. When our relationship is stable and good, we're secure. If we're always worried, anxious, and stressed, we pass this on to our partner. This drains each other's energy and feelings. To maintain a good relationship, focus on yourself. Have confidence, improve your charm, and improve your self-confidence. Don't tie the other person down. Give the other person freedom. Trust the other person, respect the other person, and accept the other person. Focus on yourself, and you'll feel at ease. Others will continue to love you, maintain confidence, improve themselves, trust their partner, and trust themselves. Cultivate a sound personality and mature yourself. This is the necessary process of growth.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you.

Hello!

He feels your loss, grievance, and self-blame, and indeed there are some negative emotions. But don't resist or rush to judge these emotions. Take your time to deal with the complex emotions.

If you could rephrase the question just a little, it would be: "Dear Sister," what are your thoughts and feelings about your relationship?

When you're in love, you want to share your heart with the person you love, and you hope they'll give you their full attention in return.

He keeps mentioning his ex-girlfriend and opens up about her. It makes people feel like he wants to show his value through other people.

And this other person is a member of the opposite sex, so the questioner is extra concerned, and this concern makes the boyfriend feel really important in the relationship.

The questioner just wants to hold onto the relationship by hook or by crook! They'll wonder what their relationship is really like. Then they get more and more deeply involved, feeling as if the sky will fall in if they lose their boyfriend.

It's totally normal for him to feel helpless, irritated, or jealous, and to cry because you care about him.

"Can you give me a sense of security?" As an observer, I felt that the boyfriend, who might have had a tough time in his family environment when he was younger, might find it a bit tricky to carry the anxieties of a woman.

Or maybe it's a feeling of being helpless.

On the surface, he gets along well with other women and even tries to please them. But deep down, it's because he's been through some tough times and has struggled to feel secure in his life that he has developed an inferiority complex.

He might really benefit from the support of a strong, encouraging woman who can accept his occasional weakness and tolerate his fatigue.

The kindness of the questioner is a great way to satisfy his protective instinct in some situations. But, if the questioner becomes unstable and starts struggling, that grasping force can actually drive the guy crazy.

It's so important to remember that if he starts to feel like he's putting up with something, it can really damage the relationship and even destroy intimacy.

If the questioner wants to change,

First, take a moment to think about what you need most in a relationship. Then, take it slow and turn your attention to yourself. Accept your current situation, and accept your intention to change.

It's so important to appreciate the expansion of your perspective!

With a little self-confidence, you'll find you're not tired from time to time when it comes to relationships.

We live in a world full of surprises, and relationships are no exception! They can change and adapt, and that's perfectly normal.

Instead of trying to control the other person, give them a relaxed smile and let them make their own choice. You'll be amazed at how much you've grown!

I'd highly, highly recommend the Indian movie "Queen's Journey," which you can find on Tencent Video. It's a beautiful, heartwarming story that will make you feel like your story is being listened to carefully.

Hello!

Host:

After reading the post, I could really feel the anxiety of the poster and see how much you love your boyfriend. I also noticed how brave the poster is for facing their feelings and seeking help on the platform. This will help the poster understand themselves and their boyfriend better!

and made appropriate adjustments!

Now for the best part! I'm going to share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I think will really help the poster to have a more diverse perspective.

1. Delve into your own unease and fears!

In the post, the poster reveals that she's feeling a little uneasy because of her boyfriend's relationship with his senior. She's even afraid that his senior will take her boyfriend away! When reading this information, I can totally understand why the poster has these thoughts.

I'd also love to understand why you feel so uneasy!

In the post, the poster mentioned something really interesting. From your perspective, when your boyfriend was talking to his female friend on the phone, the way he talked and the tone of his voice were no different from when he talked to you. You became angry and burst into tears.

So, what's behind this anger? Could it be that you're feeling jealous, insecure, scared, or that you don't feel valued by your boyfriend?

You are so much more than just another girl to your boyfriend! The host of these questions may want to think about it.

This helps us to better understand and appreciate ourselves! On the other hand, the original poster mentioned that they are afraid of losing their boyfriend.

I'm not sure if the original poster has had any previous romantic experiences, but if they have, it would be a great idea to look back and think about them!

Have you ever felt this kind of anxiety or fear in previous relationships? It's totally normal! We all worry that our boyfriends will be taken away by someone else, and we're afraid of losing them. But from a certain point of view, this is also a manifestation of a lack of self-confidence or a lack of self-worth.

And there's so much more to explore with this fascinating topic!

2. Attachment theory in love

The fascinating attachment theory in love has developed from the mother-infant attachment theory. Here we can briefly discuss it. Some brilliant psychologists have divided this theory into three types:

The secure type is the best! They don't worry about whether others like them or not. They're often very confident, which gives them a high sense of self-worth.

They absolutely believe that they are worthy of love and deserve to be treated well!

The anxious type is a fascinating one! They have some anxiety and worries in a relationship, wondering if the other person likes and loves them. They feel the kind of anxiety that comes with being unsure, but they're also open to new experiences and ready to embrace the unknown.

They're just not sure if they're loved and if they're worthy of love.

Avoidant: This type of person may behave in a relationship in such a way that they want to establish a relationship on the one hand, but push the other person away when they get too close. They long for a relationship but are also afraid of it. But here's the good news! This is something that can be overcome.

It's so common to avoid other people's affection because we're afraid of being hurt.

Once you've shared this attachment theory of love, you can go and see what type of person you are! And of course, you can also search online, where there's even more content to explore.

3. Take the initiative to fill your own sense of security!

At the end of the post, the boyfriend doesn't know what to do to satisfy your sense of security. In fact, from a certain point of view, there is no absolute sense of security for us — but there are plenty of ways to feel secure!

And guess what? No one else can completely make up for our lack of security. Ultimately, we ourselves are the ones who need to make up for our lack of security.

And the best part is, we are the ones who can fill our sense of security!

So when we feel uneasy or afraid, let's pause and see what it is that's making us feel this way!

And here's another great tip: try expressing your anxiety in a reasonable way. For example, you could try writing down your inner feelings, such as anxiety or anger.

As we write, we have the incredible opportunity to sort out our emotions.

On the one hand, we also listen to our emotions, and at this time our emotions may be relieved. On the other hand, we can use these insecurities to our advantage and grow ourselves!

This is an amazing time to grow and become more confident!

Absolutely! This can't be done all at once, but it is so worth the effort. If the original poster is interested, I highly recommend reading some psychology books and courses.

We also need to realize that our sense of security sometimes is just our thoughts, and it is not necessarily the truth. This is great news! It means we can choose to think happy thoughts. For example, we can choose to think that my sister-in-law is not stealing my boyfriend. This is just an idea, and we can choose to let it go.

For now, it's time to learn how to soothe our emotions with objective facts!

We can tell ourselves that this is just our idea, not the truth. And the fantastic fact is that my boyfriend loves me very much!

And you know what? You can also ease your anxiety!

I really hope these will be helpful and inspiring for you! My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. If you have any questions, just click to find a coach for one-on-one communication.

Let's grow together!