Do you feel there should be a better way to resolve conflicts between colleagues?

Hello, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to send you a quick hug from across the globe.

Your question is quite detailed and covers a lot of ground, touching on the dynamics between you and several colleagues, as well as your thoughts and feelings about the situation.

Upon reading it several times, I noticed that the words you use more often are "I feel uncomfortable," "she didn't take the initiative," "she crossed the line," and "she's asking me to," which seem to be more about your opinions, feelings, thoughts, and expectations. As for whether the other person truly means it, it's possible you may not actually know.

For instance, colleague A, who is the boss's relative, has an average appearance and dress sense. You may feel that the other person is bossing you around, but you also believe that the other person is biased in your favor and takes care of women. You accept this situation and maintain the relationship.

It seems that Colleague B, who lives close to you and is good friends, may come across as selfish and controlling to you. There is a simple criterion for living close to someone, but it's worth asking yourself whether you're experiencing these feelings yourself.

From your question, I understand that the other person did not take the initiative to pick you up from work, and also did not take the initiative to let you have the shade fan. Did you mention that you would appreciate it if the other person could pick you up from work and let you cool off for a while?

Often, we may wish for others to do something for us, and it could be beneficial to simply ask for it directly. Given that everyone has different ideas and needs, there is a chance that the other person may not be able to guess. It is also possible that they may not try to guess what you want and take the initiative to meet your needs.

If there is something you want, it's best to just ask for it directly. As the saying goes, a baby who cries gets milk.

It is also normal that we may have expressed our needs and expectations, but the other person has not promised to meet them, and has not met our expectations. It is important to remember that no one is obliged to meet our expectations, even if it is our parents who have raised us to adulthood. They are not obliged to worry about us so much. Chinese parents will always worry about their children.

From your question, I'm not sure I understand the reason. I'm not sure why you're reluctant to take the initiative to express your needs, but instead hope that others will do it for you. I'm also not sure why you rely on your imagination to get along with your colleagues, and it seems that you feel like a victim.

Often, our assumptions about the intentions behind other people's actions may not be entirely accurate. One straightforward and efficient approach is to simply express your needs and refrain from speculating about the reasons behind others' actions. If you do find yourself speculating, it might be helpful to do so in a positive light. For instance, if a colleague doesn't offer to pick you up at work, it's possible they may have forgotten or be too busy.

You might find it helpful to speak with a counselor.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, occasionally motivated. I believe in the world and in you.

Hello, friend! I'm like the sky of a magical city.

I can see that you're having a tough time, and I feel for you. I think we're kindred spirits, people with sensitive minds and high sensitivities.

The Courage to Be Disliked is a wonderful book that dives into the three major issues in life: friendship, work, and love.

All of our troubles come from our relationships with other people.

It's something most of us face, so the first step is to accept it.

Let's take a closer look at your interpersonal issues, shall we?

Oh, that troublemaker, colleague A! He's giving orders to someone who is average in appearance and dress. It's a bit much, don't you think? Especially since he's a relative and has average ability. I bet he'll be promoted in the future.

Because he's related to you, he might try to boss you around a little. You can observe whether colleague A is like this with many colleagues because he's related to them. If so, it's not because of you! If you feel uncomfortable, you can always refuse him appropriately without being abrupt. For example, you can say, "You know, I have an important task on my hands right now, so I can't do what you're asking right now. I'll help you when I'm done, or I can suggest how to do it."

You also mentioned that "he still takes care of girls quite well," which shows that he still has his good points. When you think this colleague is nice, you may look at him more favorably, and you will be more likely to accept his requests. It's so great that you can really see the good points in your colleagues!

B. The trouble your colleague causes you – "Sometimes the leader and colleague A favor her over me, which makes me feel a bit upset. I've been carrying around this silly idea that favoring her over me makes me feel inferior, which is actually not the case. In fact, there are also many times when I am favored."

You are really great! You know how to analyze your own psychology, and discovering your "unreasonable beliefs" shows that you have your own learning and research in psychology. When you discover your unreasonable beliefs, you will replace them with reasonable beliefs, not generalizing from a few examples, and rebuild your confidence. I know you can do it!

I can see that something happened yesterday that upset you a little. I'm so sorry! It must have been really frustrating when she didn't offer to pick you up at work.

I think you can look at this in a different way: maybe she was just busy and forgot. Or, you could just ask her, instead of guessing or wondering if she is upset with you for not coming to pick you up. That might make the problem bigger, though. This is also an "irrational belief."

This is also a way of thinking that uses other people's negativity to make yourself feel bad.

I think you may also have a "parental state" inside you that constantly criticizes you.

This can come from childhood experiences. If you had parents who were a bit demanding and stern, and you were often criticized and blamed, then this voice will be internalized in your heart. When you grow up, this "parental state" can often negate and criticize yourself.

I hope you have an "adult state"!

I'm here to help you break free from emotional control, plan, consider, decide, and act reasonably, and use knowledge and skills to solve current problems.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question asker! My name is Jia Ao, and I'm not looking for trouble.

Thank you for inviting me to assist you. I can see the problems and confusion you described on the platform. It seems you are currently experiencing some confusion in interpersonal relationships. You say that you sometimes have a difficult time getting along with your colleagues, that the friction is quite troubling, and that you would like to know if there might be a better way to handle it. How do you regulate your negative emotions?

In response to your question, I would like to help you analyze and sort it out if I may.

[Allow yourself to experience your emotions as they are]

It can be challenging to navigate working relationships with colleagues you don't particularly enjoy, especially when they hold a position of authority and may have to provide guidance. It's also not uncommon to encounter colleagues who exhibit selfish or overbearing behaviors. These situations can evoke a range of complex emotions, and it's natural to experience a range of negative feelings in response. It's important to acknowledge these emotions, allow yourself to feel them, and then find ways to adjust and move forward.

[Establish a positive communication model]

It is often the case that unpleasantness between colleagues is triggered by trivial matters. Bad emotions can suddenly erupt, not necessarily because of any major problem, but often because of a coincidence that triggers a conflict. One possible solution to this problem is to improve communication, as this could help to establish good relationships.

[It is advisable to remain calm when appropriate.]

It is important to remember that no matter what happens, it is always best to calm down first and then reflect on whether you may have done anything wrong after your emotions have subsided. It can be helpful to try to put yourself in other people's shoes. Minor frictions are not typically a matter of principle. It is generally advisable to avoid letting these trivial matters ruin your mood and affect your work. It is always best to do your best first, and there is often little you can do to change other people's minds. It can be helpful to try to understand that they may have their own problems. If they are not aware of it, there is often little you can do to change it.

[It would be beneficial to be more understanding and tolerant.]

With time, minor conflicts between colleagues will likely dissipate. It's important not to dwell on unpleasant things. Striving for greater tolerance and less calculation can help. By letting go of the past, you'll find it's easier to avoid being influenced by others. It's often helpful to find ways to resolve misunderstandings and conflicts. When you understand the other person, you'll be better able to maintain inner balance and avoid being affected by them. It's often beneficial to strive for harmony with your colleagues.

[Distract yourself in time]

If something unpleasant happens at work, you might consider going for a walk or playing after work to help you feel more positive. It can be helpful to do the things you enjoy, eat food you like, listen to music, watch movies, exercise, and take a moment to let go of the day's challenges. This can help you feel more relaxed and positive.

It might be helpful to consider ways of strengthening your inner self.

It is not uncommon to experience strong emotions in interpersonal relationships. This can be due to a lack of inner strength to handle and resolve conflicts. Additionally, external opinions and judgments can also affect our emotional state. To navigate these challenges, it can be helpful to read books on interpersonal relationships. This can gradually help to strengthen one's inner strength, allowing for more ease in handling relationships and avoiding negative effects. If this is of interest, "The Communication Bible" by Nicky Stanton is a good place to start.

I hope these tips will be helpful for you in getting along better with your colleagues and reasonably resolving minor conflicts. I wish you the best!

I hope my answer is helpful. Best regards,

Hello, questioner! I am Shushan Wenquan. Let's learn to be our own spiritual gardeners and wait eagerly for spring flowers and autumn fruits! Thank you so much for your invitation and reply!

From your description, I can see that you have some challenges when getting along with your colleagues, as well as your keen observation and awareness in the interaction process. I feel that you are a very emotional person, so I give you a warm hug!

I'm excited to share two key insights that I believe will help us all build stronger interpersonal relationships. First, all relationships are mutual. How we are treated by others reflects who we are and the values of the other person. Second, external evaluations are shaped by our own perceptions, perspectives, and expectations. This means that we can work on both the internal and external aspects to create happy and harmonious relationships with colleagues.

Internally, do what you do well, give yourself what you want, and stop worrying about changing other people's minds and waiting for their approval!

From your description, it seems that you are in a relatively passive position in your relationships. You don't actually do much, but you watch and remember every move others make, and judge them accordingly to see if they satisfy your needs.

Absolutely! People do need to pay attention to how others respond to them. But if you pay too much attention to it and let it hurt you, it simply isn't worth it!

This is an opportunity for growth! It seems that your self-approval is based on the opinions of others. This means that deep down, you are not completely sure of yourself and don't feel good enough.

That's why I love getting other people's praise and comparing myself to others to see who gets more praise!

So, let's affirm our own value and strengthen our self-acceptance! In this matter, no matter what others say, I know I am a good person, I do my best, and I have the ability.

It's time to start giving yourself what you want! When you feel good enough, you'll find that others will slowly start to agree.

2. To others: Set clear boundaries and express your expectations actively. Show your respect for others, don't judge a book by its cover, and don't make casual guesses about others.

If I'm right in my assessment of you, you have a tendency to wait for others to take the initiative to show you kindness. If they don't, you feel unappreciated and unhappy. But there's an easy fix for that!

But here's the amazing thing: this right can only be obtained from parents. So, if you want to get it at work, you must first learn to give. And the more you give, the more you will get!

If you are the same age, you can also take the initiative to fight for your share of the benefits when you are faced with unfair treatment or other advantages that you feel you deserve. Go for it!

When you know what you deserve and what you should do, and you express and act on it, your colleagues will get to know you better and better, and your relationship with them will get stronger and stronger! You'll also feel better about yourself because you'll have less of that sense of grievance that comes from feeling unseen by others.

You say that colleague A doesn't look very good, and you have a prejudice against him. Put yourself in his shoes! Just imagine for a second that you were A. Would you feel appreciated even if the other person didn't say anything?

How do you want to be treated? People may look different, have different opinions, but they are all connected at the soul level. And that's a wonderful thing!

The more profound a person is, the less they will be judged by appearances, especially if they are born with them. I'm sure you want to be a person of depth too!

And there's more! It takes time to get to know someone, so don't speculate about what they're doing. This is a sign of respect for others and also a responsibility to yourself.

I really hope this analysis is helpful to you! I wish you all the best in your working relationship! The world and I love you!