Do you often feel guilty, thinking you're not doing enough in your relationships?

Questioner:

Hello! I'm honored to meet you on Yixinli.

From your description, I understand who you are.

Your partner cares about you. If you feel sad, he will too. But you still feel guilty.

What do you feel when you see him? Sad?

Moved? No matter what.

Anyone with such a partner feels happy.

Guilt shows how much you care about him and your relationship.

of care

How do you get out of feeling guilty? I'll share a few tips.

First, find out why you feel guilty.

To cure guilt, understand and clarify the reasons behind it.

Second, you can communicate more with the other person and talk honestly.

Talk about each other's thoughts.

The most important thing for two people to do together is to be honest. Being honest doesn't mean there are

Secrets are okay, but communication is key. Let the other person know your thoughts.

You can understand his thoughts, and you'll both become more

and understanding.

You can make up for it.

An apology is an action, not a thought.

Do something meaningful with him.

Watching a movie you both like, buying something you both like.

You didn't say if you're a man or a woman. For example,

Take a short trip (long-distance travel is not recommended during the pandemic) and have a romantic dinner.

Dinner by candlelight

Guilt is good for relationships.

Don't feel too guilty. It can be harmful to the other person.

It can destroy a good relationship.

I thought of a scene from the TV series "Operation Ice Breaking" when writing here.

The wife took a bullet for her husband and needs him to take care of her.

Why would a wife who loves her husband want a divorce?

I think she's afraid of burdening her husband. From a psychological perspective

These people are ambivalent lovers. The deeper the love, the more

It can lead to guilt.

Guilt and remorse may arise due to a mistake.

Inferior feelings

The more you love someone, the more you feel inferior.

They feel they don't deserve the other person's love.

Value exchange

Ambivalent lovers may think there's a price to pay for loving someone.

You think you must do something when you don't understand each other.

Or he doesn't spend much time with you, or you feel sorry for him.

(He is too good to you). This means they haven't found something of equal value in return.

They feel guilty.

Over-packaging themselves

They will embellish themselves when they fall in love.

They want to make the other person fall in love with them.

He will take the qualities he lacks and regard them as his own.

They can do anything for the other person when they discover their true feelings.

They feel guilty when they realize they are imperfect.

I hope the other person loves me.

Ambivalent attachment: The person wants to be loved by the other person.

The love the other person gives you is poison to the heart.

This guilt seems to

The other person's giving is a conflicted attachment.

View yourself with confidence.

Be confident about yourself and your relationship. Don't put yourself down.

Don't feel inadequate. You have attractive qualities.

Be humble.

Be yourself in front of him.

That's all for now. This is my answer. I hope it helps.

I am Monarchess. I answer questions, heal, and more.

Heal me.

Dating is a wonderful process of getting to know each other better. After the intense love stage, it's natural for conflicts to emerge, which is an exciting part of the journey!

First of all, you need to be clear about how the other person's feelings of guilt affect you. In other words, do you feel bad for them, or what? The key to solving the problem is to understand what the problem really is. Once you know that, you can work together to find a solution!

Secondly, from your description, it seems that your partner loves you very much and is prone to feelings of guilt. He is also afraid that you are unhappy and thinks that it is his fault. It is also possible that he is a person who is relatively prone to inferiority complexes. You can spend more time getting to know your partner and find out what kind of person he really is. When he feels secure enough, this situation will not be so obvious. This is a great opportunity for you to get to know your partner better! You can find out what kind of person he really is and learn more about him. When he feels secure enough, this situation will not be so obvious.

And finally, communication is the key! You can agree to have an openhearted conversation once a week, chat about something, and so on. Many times, many problems can be solved quickly just by expressing your thoughts. It's not that complicated! At the same time, the most important thing is to respect each other in this model of two people getting along, whether it's love, friendship, or even family.

For this kind of two-person matter, the first thing you need to do is understand your own problem. Then, you need to know what the other person's problem is. And finally, you get to negotiate a solution together! After all, this is something that the two of you have in common.

I really hope your relationship doesn't gradually grow weaker due to repeated misunderstandings. I really hope you don't miss out on it! I wish you all the happiness in the world!

Hello, host!

From what you've said, it's clear that your partner cares about you a great deal. He'll feel even more down when you're feeling low, and he wants you to be happy all the time. You should be really happy in this relationship! You also care about him, and it's because of this that you've come to this platform for help because he often feels guilty.

Guilt can come from all sorts of places. In a close relationship, he might feel guilty because of a misunderstanding. It could be because he cares about you so much that he's worried this misunderstanding will make you feel upset, sad, or hurt, so he feels guilty.

It's also possible that he's been hurt in his family of origin or in the past. For example, if someone has blamed him for a misunderstanding, he might start to blame himself after things happen, which in turn will lead to feelings of guilt.

No matter how his guilt came about, this way of thinking is unhealthy. You can try gently telling him the next time he feels guilty due to a misunderstanding that it's not his fault, that it's not his responsibility, and that he doesn't have to feel guilty. Give him the security he needs and tell him that no one blames him for it.

If you find the root of the guilt, it'll take a long time to fix it. You'll need love and patience. You can also ask a professional counselor to help.

I hope this helps. All the best!

Hello there!

I'm a heart detective coach, and I believe learning is the treasure of the body.

From what you've told me, I can really sense your inner anxiety, worry, and pain, as well as your strong desire to help the person you want to help.

It's totally normal to feel troubled by the subject's tendency to feel guilty. I won't go into detail here, but I'd love to give you three pieces of advice for your consideration:

First, I'd love for you to think about why you came here for help.

From what you've told me, it seems like your partner treats you really well and cares about you a lot. So, I'm wondering, why are you here for help?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard to know what to do in situations like this. Do you feel sorry for him when he does this, or do you want him to stop feeling so guilty, because he's actually done a good job? Or is it something else? In short, you need to figure out what your goal is in seeking help.

Because only if you know the reason can you help him better and feel better too!

Secondly, I'd like to suggest that you take some time to think about the reasons you've found.

Because when you take a step back and look at things rationally, it helps you understand yourself and the world around you better.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help! A rational approach requires you to do two simple things:

One thing I want you to remember is that you can change the status quo because you are changing.

Maybe you found it because you feel for him and hope he doesn't feel so guilty or like he's not good enough. It's important to understand that his feelings can change because of your changes. This means you can make him feel great about himself!

Secondly, it's so important to remember that communication is one of the best ways to resolve any issues you might have in your relationships.

In other words, you can start your change with a heart-to-heart with him. Once you understand why he feels so guilty, you can help him understand himself better and also work on your relationship.

I know it can be tough, but when you look at it in this rational way, some of the negative emotions inside you may be resolved.

I really think you should focus on yourself for a while and think about what you can do to feel better.

When you take a step back and look at your own situation with a cool head, you'll probably have a good idea of what to do. At this point, it's time to focus on yourself and give it your best shot.

For example, you can have a heart-to-heart with him and ask if he's ever felt guilty towards others since childhood. This could really help him understand his past and see the old self, which would be a great step towards getting out of this psychological dilemma. He's changing through your changes, and your mood will also improve. When you're talking to him, you can also share your feelings and thoughts with him, like how you feel sad for him or that you want him to feel better about himself. This will also help him change.

You can also let him know when he's not quite hitting the mark (give him some specific examples). Your positive reinforcement and recognition might just make you feel more confident, and your mood will also be better.

You can also let him know that it's totally normal for couples to have disagreements. It's a beautiful wish that he wants you to be happy all the time, but it's okay if you're not happy sometimes. If you share this with him, he might also become less sensitive to your emotions, and your mood will improve.

I know it can be tough, but when you start to take action, the various negative emotions in your heart will naturally be slowly resolved. I promise you, sometimes the enemy of various negative emotions is action.

I really hope my answer helps you! If you'd like to chat some more, just click on "Find a Coach" at the bottom and we can have a one-on-one conversation.

Hello. Your description is brief and offers insight into your partner's care for you.

1. He often feels as though he could be doing more for you.

2. He experiences feelings of guilt when he realizes that he has misunderstood you on minor issues.

3. You are sad, and it seems that you are sadder than you should be.

4. He hopes that he can help you to be happy.

From what you have shared,

From your description, it seems as though your partner may be placing themselves in a somewhat low position.

From what you have described, it seems that your partner is very focused on you and your relationship.

On the other hand,

It's also possible that he might misunderstand you over trivial matters.

It is possible that you may also experience sadness as a result of your relationship with him.

I have a few questions that I hope you can help me with.

*Your description is mainly about his feelings. Could I ask how you feel in this relationship?

He places you in a very important and high position, and always feels that he is not giving enough. I wonder if this puts pressure on you.

*Could his situation make you feel sad for him, or cause you to worry?

Could I ask what kind of support you hope to get by sharing your story here? Or is it just to get it off your chest?

Given the limited information you have provided, I will offer my objective opinion as a neutral party.

I believe he loves you and needs you even more.

It's important to remember that we can't give someone what we don't have ourselves. Your partner may be very kind, considerate, and full of love for you. You are very important to him.

At the same time, he may benefit from your support to help him feel more confident in himself. I am fortunate to have someone I can turn to for love and support.

It may be the case that you feel needed by him, and that he needs you.

2. Having multiple relationships can help us to feel stronger.

It is important to remember that each of us has a number of other relationships besides our romantic partner. These relationships, with family, friends, colleagues, and others, can provide us with psychological energy and support.

It might be helpful to consider your partner's other social relationships, apart from you.

It would be helpful to consider whether he has other relationships that can provide a sense of value, self-esteem, and love.

3. While it is important to love and care for others, it is also essential to prioritize self-care.

If this relationship is causing you to feel overwhelmed, it may be challenging to fully reciprocate the kindness. You might even feel a bit guilty for accepting it.

Upon reflection, you find yourself feeling a certain degree of compassion for him.

It's akin to an unwell person offering you money.

And a person of slight build who persists in undertaking strenuous tasks, merely so that you are spared the burden of doing so yourself.

The giver, who may sometimes give more than they can afford,

It is also possible that the person receiving the care may experience feelings of difficulty, unease, and guilt.

It may feel as if you are in some way at fault. It may even seem as though you are exploiting the other person.

If you have had this experience,

Perhaps it would be beneficial to allow your partner to take care of themselves first.

It might be helpful to remember that taking care of yourself first is not a selfish act.

On the other hand, it would be beneficial for us to ensure that we are well-rested and energized.

I believe that we can maintain a relationship better and for a longer period of time.

I hope my answer has been helpful to you.

Hello, I can tell you care about your partner. I'll share my views, hoping they'll inspire you.

In a relationship, we can find childhood wounds in our partner's words. For example, your partner may feel guilty about a small mistake and blame themselves for it.

This may be because of how he saw himself after being hurt as a child. A child often learns from their parents how to treat others.

Ask him if he talks to his parents like you do.

In a relationship, we become close to our partner and may see our inner demons. What you need to understand is that when he communicates with you, he is empathizing with your sadness. You have the right to choose to immerse yourself in your emotions.

Tell him you're not just sad because of him. Try to correct his behavior.

Form the correct attribution model, that is, internal and external attribution. For example, when you feel sad and hurt, your boyfriend will feel sad too.

Talk to him slowly and think about how you feel. You'll get better on your own.

Best wishes!

I love you, world.

Hello. I can see you in your words. From reading your few short sentences,

My first impression is that your partner cares about you very much. At the same time, he is insecure in the relationship and is being cautious.

I am confident that this is the case.

"The object will feel a strong sense of guilt towards me for a minor mistake, and will feel that they are not good enough, and will always feel that they are not good enough." I don't know what the OP thinks about this, but they should know that they are not alone in feeling distressed or helpless.

I feel the same way, but I'm the one who feels guilty. My partner will tell me again and again that it's okay. He says I don't need to be so nervous; it's just a small thing.

He said the same thing over and over again. At the time, I was insecure and perhaps also overly concerned with being flawless, so I didn't listen. Later, I slowly felt his passion and sincerity.

I also sensed his helplessness and pain when he was unable to listen to me.

✨

Guilt is a social behavior regulator that allows us to determine whether we have committed a "violation" and whether we have harmed or violated the interests of others. This unconscious perception prompts us to take responsibility for our actions and compensate those who have been harmed.

However,

Excessive guilt can cause us to take on responsibility that doesn't belong to us, which can result in significant psychological pressure.

Over-blaming oneself often leads to a depressed mood. A strong sense of guilt makes us constantly blame ourselves, causing secondary harm.

?

The original poster should comfort their partner and let them know it's a trivial matter and it's okay. They shouldn't be too hard on themselves.

You can reconcile with yourself by letting him feel your love and forgiveness. Make sure both people in this relationship feel relaxed and confident.

I know you don't want him to feel guilty either.

"When I'm sad, he'll be sad too. He wants me to be happy forever, not sad because of him."

He loves you and doesn't want to see you sad. He wants you to be happy.

I suddenly remembered that I once read the signature of a friend's boyfriend: "I wish upon the moon that you will always be happy." There's no doubt about it: love is pure and beautiful, and it's romantic when love and being loved happen at the same time.

I firmly believe that guilt is the saddest emotion.

Improving our self-worth prevents us from being overwhelmed by guilt over mistakes. Guilt is a burden that should be left behind.

We must develop the ability to cope with any failures or criticisms that come our way.

Gaining sufficient experience or developing a skill helps us.

This boosts our sense of self-worth. We also feel more confident when solving problems.

When problems arise, we will know exactly which responsibilities we need to bear. By clearly defining the responsible party, we can avoid excessive feelings of guilt.

I wish you all the best in love and life. ?

Hello,

Something has happened between you and your partner. You both think about the other person a lot, but things have become more complicated. You both want to make the other person happy and are always afraid that you are not doing enough. But this relationship is more like you are dating the person you imagined, and you are not really connected.

At first, you imagine your partner is different from who they really are. As time goes on, you learn to accept them for who they are. You make compromises and grow together. You become closer and more real to each other.

Letting go of expectations is letting go of the imagination process. It seems you have a lot of expectations of each other. I hope the other person can understand your needs.

That's why there are misunderstandings.

The first thing to learn is to face your true needs. If you can't recognize your needs, it's hard to meet others' needs. Look at what you're feeling and what's stopping you from expressing your needs.

This means looking at your past experiences, especially your relationships with your parents. Think about where your difficulties lie, as they will affect your current relationships.

Best regards,

Zhu Rong Psychology – Liu Mi