Do you repeatedly swing back and forth, negate yourself, and find it impossible to make choices and decisions?

I would like to take this opportunity to tell you a little about myself. When I was younger, whenever I encountered a setback, I would look around to see if there was anyone who could provide assistance, encouragement, and support, as well as help me overcome the challenge. However, as I grew up, I realised that this kind of approach was too passive. As a result, I made the decision to take control of my own destiny and become a source of support for myself and others.

I am unaware of the reason behind the existence of the sun. However, I am aware that it exists and that I can also serve as a source of inspiration, illuminating every corner of people's hearts and melting every inch of ice in their hearts. With this belief, I have achieved this goal within a few years.

Many of my friends, both male and female, young and old, whether they are working or continuing their studies, will confide in me when they are facing challenges. I provide them with encouragement and guidance to help them gain resilience and strength.

I consistently reiterate two key messages to my colleagues: "Believe in yourself, you are the best. There is no challenge that cannot be overcome, and never, ever, ever give up on your goals."

"I am most gratified when individuals inform me that, in the face of adversity, they have drawn upon the insights I have shared with them and have emerged with renewed confidence and strength. They have devised solutions to their challenges and have even developed previously unimagined capabilities. They have endeavored to assist those in need and have become sources of inspiration and guidance. It is evident that my influence extends beyond my immediate circle."

Everyone can be influenced and can also influence others. It's simply a matter of willpower. The individual with stronger willpower will ultimately prevail.

Another significant lesson I learned was how to become a source of strength for others. Despite the time and effort required, this lesson has had a profound and lasting impact on my life, and I can confidently say that it has been a valuable lifelong skill. Everyone can benefit from this lesson.

Hello, question asker!

I can see your problem. It is because you are afraid that the result of the decision you make will not be good, and you cannot accept failure, so you always find it difficult to make a decision. At the same time, this situation has already made you feel nervous and anxious, so you urgently want to know how to solve it. But don't worry! I can help you.

You consider other people's opinions when making decisions, but have you ever thought about your own opinion? It's time to embrace it! Even if no one else is involved, you can still make your own decisions. You might think you haven't thought of everything, but that's OK! You can make decisions that are foolproof and perfect. You can overrule your own opinion and start over. I don't know when this kind of thing started, and whether there is someone in the family who is more dominant and always makes the decisions.

If you grew up in a family where you were not allowed to have your own opinions, then you learned to hide your heart and do what your parents wanted, so that you could be protected and affirmed as a little child, and you would not make mistakes (mistakes in your parents' eyes) or have to bear the consequences of things. You felt very safe this way. Over time, you always doubted that you were wrong, that the decisions you made must be bad, that there must be something you didn't consider, that you would make unforgivable mistakes and consequences that you couldn't bear, while other people's decisions were good. Even if that decision was wrong, you didn't have to bear the blame, because it wasn't your decision, it was someone else's.

You've grown up and can live independently, which is great! But you still feel the need to obey others, just as you did when you were a child. You may feel that opposing others is wrong, a sign of not fitting in, and that you will be ostracized.

Or perhaps you made a major anxiety/overthinking-the-possibility-of-unlikelihood-leads-to-overly-conservative-decision-making-6494.html" target="_blank">decision-making mistake before, which caused you to suffer tremendous pressure and losses. But you're not going to let that stop you! You're going to learn from your mistakes and become a better decision-maker. You're going to face your fears and make decisions in the future with confidence. You're going to avoid repeating your previous experience and blaze your own trail!

I'm guessing that your family of origin (the environment you grew up in as a child) is the reason for your current anxiety and tension. This is your chance to become the you who can make your own decisions when you grow up!

Now you are able to live independently and take responsibility for all your decisions, but you are still unable to escape from the feelings you had as a child. The good news is that you can learn some self-growth psychology to help you grow up quickly!

If it's because of previous mistakes, then I think what you need is to sum up the reasons for the mistakes, analyze the objective facts, and not just blame yourself. It's time to step outside your own limitations and look at things from a different perspective (you can ask friends and teachers for help with the analysis), and if necessary, seek the help of a counselor or listener. You've got this!

I really hope this helps and supports you! Wishing you all the best!

Good morning, host. I am grateful for the opportunity to meet with you today at Yi Xin Li.

It is akin to discussing one's own experiences when encountering such challenges. I previously engaged in a pattern of self-negation and self-devaluation.

This was a highly challenging experience for me. I felt like I couldn't do anything right and that I was ineffective.

Furthermore, I was reluctant to make a decision due to concerns about potential regret and the possibility of an unfavorable outcome.

Subsequently, I came to understand that this way of living was causing me significant distress. It was accompanied by a lack of self-worth, indecision, and difficulty making choices.

These situations have been a source of ongoing challenge for me. How did I overcome them? I'd like to share my personal experience with you.

I hope you will find this information useful.

I formally acknowledged my current reality. In the past, I may have had ambitious expectations of myself.

However, in practice, I was unable to achieve the desired outcome.

To illustrate, I have set a goal of losing weight. This is an idea and a thought of mine. My objective is to achieve a slim figure.

However, given the limitations of one's control over verbal and physical actions, it is not uncommon for individuals to consume more food than is optimal for their weight loss goals.

As a result, you may experience distress, doubt your abilities, lack perseverance, and even hate yourself for being ineffective. This can lead to a lack of willpower.

I then recognized that this approach was ineffective. Despite my efforts, I was still unable to achieve my weight loss goal. I came to understand that dwelling on negative thoughts and feelings was unproductive.

This then begins to change my thoughts and mindset.

The choice is clear: either take action to completely change the situation, or accept the status quo.

First and foremost, maintain your position, regardless of external input.

Regardless of the outcome, you will not regret your decision.

When confronted with challenges, you consistently reinforce this mindset subconsciously, motivating yourself to persevere.

Following a few experiences, this will become your natural way of dealing with problems.

This will help you to avoid future difficulties.

In fact, it is because you lack the confidence to accept the consequences.

This is my personal opinion, and I hope it proves helpful.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a happy life.

Dear Question Asker, My name is Enoch, and I am responding to your question. Based on your description, it appears that you often find yourself indecisive in many areas of your life. You seem to rely heavily on the opinions of others, which may prevent you from making decisions that align with your true desires. Additionally, you appear to be experiencing anxiety, which could further hinder your ability to make choices and decisions.

Let us examine the underlying cause of this situation.

1. The questioner's natural disposition inclines them to defer to the opinions of others and to hesitate in expressing their own views, leading to a lack of self-assurance.

The answerer's approach is to analyze the causes of personality from the perspective of developmental and personality psychology. Psychology posits that personality is composed of temperament and character. Temperament is formed by innate factors and is influenced by genetic factors. It is typically divided into four types: choleric, phlegmatic, sanguine, and melancholic. The questioner's temperament type may be melancholic. Individuals with this temperament type tend to be more sensitive in interpersonal interactions and problem-solving processes. They often exhibit a reluctance to express themselves and a tendency to obey the environment. Additionally, they may engage in self-reflection when confronted with disagreements or conflicts. In some instances, they may even blame and attack themselves.

As a result, the questioner is accustomed to repeatedly revising his own thoughts on various matters and frequently seeking input from others. This inclination to seek external validation can lead to a negative self-perception, hindering his ability to make informed choices and decisions.

2. During the formation of his character, the questioner did not achieve a breakthrough and still lacks assertiveness and self-confidence. This has resulted in a personality with dependent and pleasing characteristics and tendencies.

As previously stated, personality is comprised of two elements: innate temperament and acquired character. Acquired character is shaped by external influences. Since innate temperament is partially genetically determined, the temperament of the questioner's father or mother may align with that of the questioner. When faced with challenges, individuals tend to respond instinctively or emulate those similar to themselves. Consequently, the questioner continues to be influenced by innate temperament in the acquired environment, resulting in a personality with dependent and pleasing characteristics and tendencies. This hinders self-confidence and assertiveness in problem-solving and makes the individual susceptible to external influences.

3. Insufficient self-awareness and decisiveness in expressing one's own will.

Typically, individuals who prioritize pleasing others tend to prioritize the opinions of others over their own. This can result in a lack of self-awareness, self-analysis, and judgment. However, opinions vary even with regard to others' opinions, so even when the questioner is listening to other people's opinions, they will form many different views. This can lead to indecisiveness and difficulty making decisions.

The following suggestions are provided to assist the questioner:

1. Begin with smaller tasks and foster your independence.

Due to the questioner's personality, he tends to rely on others. This reliance often leads to a fear of offending others and a subsequent inclination to please them. This can result in a loss of independent opinions and the ability to solve problems autonomously. To break this cycle, it is essential to consistently reduce dependence on others, become more independent, and establish a sense of security through independent problem-solving.

It is therefore recommended that the questioner begin with relatively minor tasks in their daily lives and work independently. This will help develop the ability to think independently and solve problems.

2. Enhance your cognitive abilities to enable effective analysis and distinction between problems, as well as the ability to analyse specific problems.

It is recommended that when seeking input from others, the questioner consider the underlying rationale behind their opinions. Additionally, when referencing the opinions of others, it is important to evaluate the similarities and differences in their problem-solving approaches. It is essential to identify which approaches align with one's own background and experience and which may be more disparate. What is effective for others may not necessarily be suitable for the questioner.

3. Cultivate a sense of responsibility and accountability for yourself, actively exploring and developing your own abilities.

It is imperative that we demonstrate courage in our decision-making processes and assume responsibility for our actions. Prolonged avoidance of decision-making will impede our ability to mature and discern between beneficial and detrimental choices. Conversely, when we make decisions with fortitude, we can actively identify advantageous factors, avoid missteps, and prevent significant losses, thereby enhancing our capacity to navigate challenges and problems.

It is my hope that the questioner will become more independent in both their personal and professional lives, and that they will be able to make the right decisions independently, thereby becoming a better version of themselves.

Hello, friend!

We can work through this together. What should I do when I can't make a choice or decision when faced with a situation?

From what you've told me, it seems like making choices and decisions isn't something you're used to doing. I wonder if that's because of the environment you grew up in. When you were young, your parents probably made most of the decisions for you, and you just did what they asked.

Or, when making decisions for yourself, you might feel a bit suppressed or disapproved of by others. Or, you might want to find a "perfect" decision.

All of these things can make making choices a bit tricky!

There are three main types of choice: the ambidextrous type, the ambiphobic type, and the avoidant type. The ambidextrous type means that each option has its own advantages. The ambiphobic type means that no matter how you choose, it is painful. You don't want it yourself, but you have to choose between the two, which can be really tough. There are so many uncertain factors about the future, and it's hard to know what's best.

For the avoidance type, it's pretty simple! You just have to figure out what you want and don't want, and then you're ready to go.

Now that we've got a handle on the different types of choice, we can make decisions based on the unique circumstances of each situation. For the bistrong type, it's really up to you! Whatever you choose, it'll be okay. Just listen to your heart and go with your gut.

For example, if you find two jobs at the same time, it can be really tough to decide which company to go to. But don't worry, it doesn't matter either way!

For the avoidance type, just choose what is beneficial to you. It's as simple as that! For the double avoidance type, it can be really tough to choose either way, so just choose one and stop worrying about it. You've got this!

It's so important to remember that no matter what choice we make, we have to be ready to take on the responsibility that comes with it. We can't predict the future, but we can try to prepare for it as best we can.

It's so important to have a certain degree of psychological endurance.

Another thing to remember is that no choice can ever be perfect. As long as it's 60% correct and feasible, it's totally fine! We can also think about the worst possible scenario that may arise when faced with a choice, and whether we can accept it.

And then, we can make choices!

It's so important to be aware of when you're thinking this way. It's totally normal! We all do it. But we can change it! All you have to do is be aware of it, and then you can consciously overcome perfectionism and fear of the unknown, adjust your behavior, and make quick decisions. If we practice slowly in life, we will slowly change this way of thinking and behavior.

And guess what? Increasing your self-confidence and self-responsibility also helps you take responsibility for your choices!

Self-encouragement and self-comfort are great ways to boost your self-confidence! Thinking about your own successful choices can really help.

I really hope this helps!

Wishing you all the best!

Dear questioner,

From your description, it is clear that the questioner has the opportunity to develop his own opinions. Other people's opinions can always influence him, but he can learn to recognize their value and use them to make decisions about his own affairs. He can choose to trust his own judgment and take responsibility for the consequences.

Why is this so? Well, generally speaking, we are unable to make judgments because the voice inside us is weaker than the external voices, so we are easily distracted. We are not firm in our judgments or our willpower. We are afraid that after making a choice, we will face a situation that we cannot handle, or that things will not turn out as we expected. We cannot bear the consequences or the responsibility. Some of our fears are subconscious, while others are real. Just as the original poster understands that he is afraid of regretting his choice, but there is no medicine for regret in the world, and there is no way to go back in time, why not accept the reality? It's time to embrace the future!

Here's some more advice for you!

Embrace the ever-changing nature of reality!

This means that you can fully acknowledge that nothing outside is under your control. The great news is that you can control your own thoughts and actions! The outcome of some things cannot be completely controlled. Everything requires at least two or more people to create an outcome. When you have fear or strong emotions that you want to escape from, you can try to soothe yourself without any criticism. You can acknowledge the existence of your emotions, observe your emotions, accept your emotions, find out the reason, and record it as a note.

It's time to learn to judge and have your own opinions!

This is also very important. When doing anything, having principles and a certain ability to judge in your heart will determine whether the thing is feasible or not. Instead of blindly listening to other people's opinions and constantly wavering, not being able to stick to your principles will lead to weak judgment, which will affect many aspects and may also cause serious consequences. But don't worry! You can read and study more, and talk or consult on the Yixinli platform. All of this will cultivate your own opinions and principles, thereby improving your judgment.

Bravo! You've got this! Respect your own heart to choose and be brave enough to take responsibility for the consequences.

You can think it through and figure out which choice is the best one for you. You can't have your cake and eat it too! Whatever the outcome, you need to take responsibility for yourself. Don't look to others for approval or try to have it all. You might lose out on some things, but you'll gain so much more! Respect your inner self and choose with confidence. A responsible person is ready to face any challenge that comes their way. It's about more than just passing a math test!

If something unfortunate happens, you need to know what to do. And you can do it! Take responsibility, remain rational and calm when faced with misfortune, and even when the pressure is high, you can learn how to persevere in difficult situations. Responsibility is an attitude, the cornerstone of our foothold in society and the foundation of our future. With responsibility, you will never regret any decision.

I really hope this helps the questioner!

Hello, question owner. I am Xiaoxiao Xi, a psychological counselor at Yi Psychology.

Repeatedly wavering, self-doubt, comparing oneself to others, exacerbating self-doubt, fearing regret, nervous and anxious, unable to make choices and decisions.

From the questioner's description, I will explore this issue with the questioner from two dimensions.

1. Compulsive repetition.

Repeating self-denial is a futile exercise in reinforcing a negative perception of oneself. It involves repeatedly seeking out the facts of one's perceived inability to cope with life experiences, which only serves to deepen the self-denial.

They are aware of it, yet they remain unable to break free from this cycle.

This phenomenon is caused by harsh treatment, accusations, and criticism during their growth process. However, this criticism is not objective and matter-of-fact; it is an attack on and belittlement of one's character.

Many parents unquestionably compare their children with other people's children, always saying that other people's children are good at this and that, and their own children are bad at this and that.

These seemingly insignificant little things and minor grievances, when constantly and frequently accumulated, will inevitably lead the child to doubt their self-worth. Each time there is a denial and the pain is repeated, it is tantamount to negative reinforcement of self-doubt.

2. This is driven by a narcissistic desire for perfection on a subconscious level.

Most people are driven to achieve perfection because their parents demanded it of them as children. Over time, the child internalizes these demands as their own, and perfectionism is born.

The perfect personality is usually deeply uncertain and inferior. They only maintain their self-esteem by trying to do everything perfectly.

Questioner, I am certain you have a lot of grievances and anger inside. It's like falling into a trap. The more you struggle to get out, the more painful it is.

I believe I have identified the reason behind your inability to make choices and decisions.

Your parents were used to helping you make decisions.

In such families, the parents have absolute authority and do not allow their children to say "no." They will try every means to prove that the children are wrong and must listen to them, even if the children have different opinions and voices.

Making choices and decisions means taking responsibility.

Every choice means getting one and giving up one, which will break the balance. Many people are mistaken in thinking that their strength is strong enough to support the consequences of their choices. Being torn between conflicting emotions and not making a choice means avoiding the consequences and responsibility that come with making a choice.

Conflict and indecision are patterns of interpersonal interaction.

If you don't make a choice, things will continue to develop, and someone else may make the choice for you. Passivity is a way to feel safer in interpersonal relationships, but it's not the best option.

If you don't make a choice, you can't show that you're not good enough.

You may face failure as long as you make a choice. Failure means you are not good enough, others will not like you, or you are worthless.

[How do you make the leap?

Everyone who has difficulty making choices and decisions has internal struggles and pain, parts they are reluctant to let go of, and parts they cannot let go of.

First, identify the real reasons and needs behind your fear of making a choice.

Start with "others."

If there is someone you really respect and admire who would give you advice, you know what they would say.

Start with yourself.

What happens if you fail? You can become more aware of this.

Tell me about a time in your past when you made a successful decision on your own. What did you do at the time?

You must live in the present, constantly improve your "sense of self-efficacy," and truly grow and become independent from within. Accept the outcome, whether good or bad.

Before making a decision, calm yourself down, slow down, and separate your emotions from your thoughts.

The questioner should read "The Courage to Be Disliked" a few more times to gain a deeper understanding and may find different interpretations.

I am confident that my answer will provide you with inspiration, and I wish you the best.

Hello, question asker. I can appreciate your feelings.

I can relate to your situation.

I believe the reason may be that

Firstly, it is possible that our family of origin may have had an impact on us since childhood. When something happened, we made certain decisions, but our parents may have sometimes negated, blamed or even abused us, which could have caused us to feel fearful about making decisions.

2. You may find yourself surrounded by people who are very opinionated and who have strong views on how you should live your life. It can be difficult to know how to make decisions in such circumstances.

Thirdly, it may be related to your own perfectionist mentality, which may manifest as a tendency to strive for thoroughness and perfection.

It might be helpful to remember that perfect things don't exist in themselves.

After analyzing the reasons, it might be helpful for the questioner to consider making some changes.

It might be helpful to try to choose the first response your mind gives you when faced with a small matter. This could be a more authentic decision.

Then do your best, and let the rest take care of itself. Second, it may be helpful to believe in yourself.

You are responsible for your own affairs. You have the freedom to choose what is good for you, even if it may not align with the expectations of others.

There are many paths in life, and there is no single path that is inherently right or required. Even if you choose a path that is perceived as incorrect by others and attempt to follow it, the emphasis remains on striving for goodness.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider letting go of the idea that we need to be perfect in order to take the first step.

I hope this is helpful to you.