Does this man have any use at all, being unable to handle the mother-in-law's conflicts and why marry him in the first place?

Good day.

I empathize with your situation.

It is not uncommon for individuals to undergo changes after marriage. In this case, the previously gentle and considerate husband has seemingly transformed. Additionally, the in-laws have demonstrated a lack of care and have been known to instigate conflict.

Your life philosophy differs from that of your in-laws.

I believe this will have ramifications in many areas of your life.

From your description, it appears that the in-laws are not amenable to the idea of their son being subservient to you.

Their objective is for their son to establish his authority at home, which is an unrealistic expectation.

As you noted, the two of them provide care and support for each other. When your husband is ill, you care for him, and you also expect that when your nose is not feeling well, your husband can care for himself.

If your husband does not alter his behavior, the affection you currently feel for him will likely diminish.

It is evident that your in-laws lack reasonable conduct. Prolonged cohabitation under these circumstances will inevitably foster a sense of estrangement, impeding your capacity to experience genuine affection.

It is important to note that the husband plays a pivotal role in the relationship between a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.

He can serve as both a unifying force and a protective barrier.

It is advisable to avoid conflict on both sides.

After marriage, your husband disregarded your preferences and compelled you to remain at home instead of pursuing employment, despite your objections. Even if you ultimately acquiesced, he would have perceived your decision as an affront.

Furthermore, he may attempt to belittle you and elevate his own status. It should be noted that, for the sake of the family, his money is also the couple's joint property, rather than a handout from him to you.

I am unsure as to why he is reluctant to agree to a divorce.

If he does not wish to proceed with a divorce, he must implement changes to maintain your relationship.

Simply continue to live your life as though your husband is not present.

When expectations are not set, there is less room for disappointment.

When you cease to rely on him for emotional value and financial support, he will instead feel a lack of sense of existence and accomplishment.

In return, we will provide you with the necessary support.

Treat yourself with respect and consideration.

Best regards,

It's clear that the questioner is feeling depressed, frustrated, and uncomfortable. Any woman in this situation would feel the same way. So, what's the questioner's goal? Do they want to continue living with their husband like this, get a divorce, or change the way they communicate with him? The questioner needs to have a clear position and willingness in their heart to know what to do next.

If you want to keep living with him, you can. If you don't and want a divorce, you can get help from the legal system. If you don't want to keep living like this and don't want a divorce, you need to think about changing the way you communicate with him to see if it will have any effect.

The relationship between a husband and wife is something that both people in the relationship work on together. One person alone can't do it on their own. If the questioner wants to get along better with her husband, she needs to understand his needs and why he did what he did. To understand this, good communication between husband and wife is even more necessary.

The questioner said that when she tried to talk to her husband before, he wouldn't communicate. This means we need to think about how the questioner talks to her husband. Does she come across as angry, anxious, or accusatory, or is her tone of voice and behavior forced and commanding? Communication between husband and wife must be equal, respectful, and based on trust. This is the most basic condition. On this basis, each person can state their own thoughts and opinions, express understanding if they can understand, and promptly inquire if they cannot understand.

You can disagree with what the other person says, but don't accuse them. Make sure you listen patiently before you express your own views. This is how you can gradually develop a mutual exchange of ideas and opinions. Only when both parties understand what the other is saying, respond accordingly, and know what to do next, will such communication be effective.

So, the questioner should think about how they usually get along and communicate with their husband. They should think about how he reacts when they say those things and do those things. Then, they should compare the before and after. I believe there will be new discoveries.

The questioner has proposed a divorce, and her husband disagrees. This shows that he cares about the relationship too. But maybe he's also insecure and doesn't know how to express his thoughts or communicate with the questioner. Someone needs to take the initiative to make the first change. Usually, the person who finds it most difficult to bear the situation changes first. This is just my opinion, for reference only.

Good day. I am a heart detective coach, Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blossoming.

It is evident that you experience a sense of solitude within your marital union. Your husband exhibits characteristics of a "mama's boy," adhering to the belief that "parents are always right." This misguided form of filial piety has resulted in a state of confusion within your relationship with your in-laws. Concurrently, he is incapable of fulfilling the emotional requirements you seek in an intimate partnership, leaving you in a state of despondency and disillusionment, and unable to envision a future that is solely yours.

The conventional understanding of marriage as merely a union of two individuals living together has evolved.

In the past, when the economy was underdeveloped, women still held the belief that they could alter their destiny through marriage. However, with the advancement of society, the status of men and women has become increasingly equal. With regard to the choice of a spouse and the institution of marriage, women are gradually exercising their freedom and autonomy.

"I had assumed that by entering into a marital union with you, I would find solace and protection from the vicissitudes of life. However, I have come to recognize that you are the very source of the challenges and difficulties I face." These sentiments are accurately reflected in the aforementioned lines.

When criticized by in-laws, he is unable to defend her or support her. He lacks independent opinions and responsibility, and therefore is unable to provide her with the care and support she requires when she is unwell.

The marital relationship has thus far resulted in the following: the ability to earn one's own income is accompanied by the obligation to provide financial support to one's in-laws; the capacity to make independent decisions is constrained by the necessity of seeking consultation with one's partner; and the opportunity to live a life of autonomy and contentment is overshadowed by the reality of being subjected to the influence of one's in-laws and their views.

Happiness can only be experienced when love is present. As happiness is primarily a subjective emotional state, it can be understood and fulfilled through emotional understanding and fulfilment.

2. Might this relationship be salvageable?

The answer is affirmative, and we will examine it in greater detail.

Firstly, it is necessary to alter one's mindset. The marriage is a partnership, therefore it is not sufficient to merely await his initiative in defending the marriage. One also has the right to take the initiative and choose.

It is evident that there is a lack of understanding and affection on his part, as well as a dearth of support and attention. It may be perceived that he has not yet fully "weaned" himself from his parents, which consequently impairs his ability to wholly devote himself to the intimate relationship and the married family unit.

"You cannot wake someone who is pretending to be asleep," so the second point primarily concerns him: to achieve a psychological separation from his own family of origin and parents.

The nucleus of familial relationships is the bond between a husband and wife. Conventional wisdom dictates that parents are disinclined to sever ties with their offspring, resulting in a pervasive sense of contention within the familial unit.

It is only when the individual and his parents recognize the necessity for change in their relationship that the marriage and relationship with you will remain unaffected.

It would be beneficial to strive for a greater degree of happiness.

It is recommended that the individual attempt to engage in comprehensive and effective communication with the relevant person, refraining from expressions of discontent or dissatisfaction. Additionally, it is advised that the individual convey their sentiments pertaining to the marital and familial relationship in a dispassionate manner.

From the vantage point of a prospective blissful union, one must identify the requisite steps to attain this common objective of cohabitation.

Once a consensus has been reached, the individual in question can return to his parents with the intention of persuading them to collaborate in order to facilitate change. It is important to demonstrate to him and his parents that the marriage requires changes from every member of the family and that there are a range of options available, including divorce.

It should be noted that communication is not the same as negotiation, nor is it the same as making demands or engaging in blackmail. Rather, it is based on the foundation of sincerity, respect, and trust, and it is about identifying problems and finding solutions.

It would have been beneficial to be aware of the recommendations regarding marriage before embarking on this journey. Additionally, the book "Know How to Love" offers insights into gender relations.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you and to the world at large.

Should you wish to pursue this discussion further, you are invited to visit my personal homepage, entitled "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, I'm Coach Yu, and I'm thrilled to discuss this topic with you!

I love the saying, "Because we understand each other, we are compassionate." Your writing shows me how much love and understanding you have for your husband. He is so lucky to have a considerate and loving wife!

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of emotions! Emotions are made up of three key elements: unique subjective experiences, external manifestations, and physiological arousal. Each emotion is a gateway to understanding our inner desires. When we miss out on a promotion or a pay rise, we feel sad. When we lose a treasured possession that we've kept for many years, we feel angry.

As the original poster said, it was really exhausting since she didn't receive support when she was unwell, and was even suppressed.

Let's ask ourselves what we think when our husband blames us for affecting him when we are not feeling well, and what emotions and feelings it brings us! And let's ask ourselves what we think when we are forced to quit our job after giving birth, and what emotions and feelings it brings us!

And we can ask ourselves another great question: what is our inner need for not having to deal with people we don't like? And what is our inner need for not having to sacrifice so much?

Let's dive in and explore these questions together!

And we can also ask ourselves: what is the ideal relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law? What is the ideal marital relationship?

What is the ideal husband like? And what can I do to make that happen?

We can try to reconcile with our emotions, or we can try to record what our feelings are at the moment. Your writing is only for yourself, so feel free to write about your feelings honestly and openly. This is a great way to understand the origins and effects of our emotions, and it will also help us to clarify the root of the problem.

Let's talk about boundaries again! It's so important to know other people's boundaries and to know your own. After all, your boundaries distinguish you from others!

In family relationships, we have the freedom to choose which parts of our partner we accept. We can choose to accept only the parts that make us feel comfortable! Similarly, we can't expect others to buy into all of our demands. But what if we could find a way to get along in a way that is comfortable for both sides? What if we could create a relationship where we both feel accepted and loved? It's an attitude we can try! The differences between people determine the different parts we overlap, and this is also the boundary of our interpersonal relationships.

Sometimes we don't want to offend others, sometimes we don't want to damage relationships, sometimes we avoid potential risks, and sometimes we feel that we are "overthinking" and ignore signals that our boundaries are being violated. We are afraid to establish and maintain our own boundaries and dare not protect ourselves. But there's no need to be afraid! We can take control and set our boundaries. We can protect ourselves and our relationships.

As the original poster wrote, since his parents started to drive a wedge between us, my husband has not been as nice to me as he used to be. But that's okay! We can work on it together.

Let's dive deep and explore the fascinating topic of in-law dynamics! When your in-laws try to drive a wedge between you and your husband, it's a great opportunity to reflect on your thoughts and emotions. What are your insights?

We can also ask ourselves if we have been offended in our interactions with our in-laws, and how we feel about it.

And we can even ask ourselves what we would say and what would happen if we were uncomfortable with some of the provocations from our in-laws and responded!

It's time to take control! We can't control what our in-laws say or do, and we can't expect them to know their place. So, let's take the initiative and establish our own boundaries. When we feel uncomfortable, let's speak up and clearly express our feelings. If necessary, we can even adopt some warning words and methods.

Absolutely! We can have a conversation with our husbands. After all, the relationship in the nuclear family is better than that in the original family. Express honestly the discomfort you feel when your boundaries are violated by your in-laws, and what you hope and expect your husband to do. At the same time, listen to your husband tell stories about your in-laws from the past and how they see you.

Communication is a powerful tool that can help you release pent-up emotions and deepen your understanding of your in-laws. It can also help you and your husband develop a positive relationship with your in-laws.

We can also seek help because, if this thing is bothering you, it is not easy to overcome it immediately. The good news is that you can find a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support to talk to. And if you feel the need, you can also find a counselor because emotions must be released to relieve the heaviness and blockages in our hearts.

And there's more! We also need to care for our bodies, enrich our spare time, discover our own unique value, and establish our own social support system. When we are strong within, we can also use the power of empathy to influence others, and we will be able to gain the trust and affection of others more easily. They will feel relaxed and at ease when spending time with you, and naturally become close to you. We also need to calm our minds, go out into nature, listen to the frogs croaking, and smell the birds chirping and the flowers blooming.

Feel the real you, feel the real life! You always have the right to choose!

I'm so excited to recommend this book: "Intimacy: Becoming Soulmates."

Hello, I'm happy to answer your question. I hope you find my suggestions helpful.

From what you've said, it seems like a pretty typical Chinese family. It's also a pretty typical situation where the wife is part of her husband's family.

This is a pretty typical family model, but that doesn't mean it's the best or most normal. When we realize we're uncomfortable or that this family model isn't ideal, we can think about making changes and decisions.

First, we've taken the first step. We've thought carefully about what's making us uncomfortable in this marriage, what we can change to make this family get along better and better, and we've also thought about our understanding of marriage and the problem of its survival.

Next, we need to take the next step. When problems come up in our marriage, we need to think about how to make adjustments.

As the saying goes, every family has its own problems. No family or couple is 100% perfect or harmonious. Just like parent-child relationships, we also had disagreements with our parents when we were young. Even our parents, with whom we have lived for more than ten or twenty years, have problems getting along, let alone integrating and establishing a new family. So when there are conflicts in the new family, we need to find a way to make adjustments.

For instance, we can express our thoughts on the current situation and find out that our husband doesn't want a divorce. This shows that we both want to maintain the family. At least we agree on this major goal.

Then we come to the second question, which we can ask our husbands: Do you want a marriage where you fight every day, or do you want a harmonious and warm marriage?

I think most people would agree that nobody wants to live in dire straits every day. So, this is our second common goal.

Based on this common goal, we can figure out why we keep arguing and what adjustments we can make individually to achieve this goal together.

The best way to achieve this is through regular communication between the two of you to find a balance or solution.

If your partner isn't willing to communicate or isn't motivated to find a solution, you can seek marriage and family counseling together. Professional staff can help you analyze the situation and identify the issues in your marriage more quickly and effectively, as well as find a solution that works for you both.

Finally, how do we decide whether to keep our marriage going?

For instance, if we work through issues by adjusting ourselves or communicating, but our partner still refuses to act, we need to understand each other better. If they don't want a divorce, is it because they value our emotional relationship and don't want to be separated, or because they don't want to suffer by ending the marriage?

For instance, when the wife is at home, the family's clothing, food, housing, and transportation, as well as the children, are all taken care of. Once this family loses the presence of the wife, then perhaps all of these things will need to be taken care of by oneself, or by one's own mother. Whether out of selfishness or out of consideration for one's mother, one doesn't want to be too hard on oneself, nor does one want to be too hard on one's mother. So one forces these things that one should do oneself onto one's wife, which is why one needs someone like a wife to exist, and so one doesn't want to get divorced.

In these situations, it's worth thinking about whether there's a need to continue this marital status.

I hope you can find a solution that suits you both through some self-reflection and ongoing discussions with your partner.

I love you, world!