Engaged, the wedding is approaching, want to break up, ending it will have a significant impact, what should I do?

I can see that the questioner is struggling with some anxiety/being-too-attached-to-feelings-leads-to-resentment-and-internal-conflict-what-should-i-do-8555.html" target="_blank">internal conflict and anxiety. I'm also curious about what the questioner means by "returning to the pre-liberation period overnight after marrying his girlfriend." Does it mean that your family's assets will disappear overnight after you get married, or that you feel that your girlfriend's family is not well-off and your family is, and that after you get married your girlfriend will take your family's money to give to her parents and family?

I'm also curious about why the questioner didn't communicate with his girlfriend more promptly to find a solution. Instead, he just stayed home and wasted time. While the questioner is understandably anxious, as an adult, I believe it's unproductive to use this kind of avoidance to take responsibility for your life. It doesn't help to solve the problem.

It's great that the questioner was able to post here for help. Even if the problem can't be solved, it's good that the questioner is trying to find a way to get help.

From what the questioner said, it seems like he has strong feelings for his girlfriend. As he mentioned, he cares a lot about how she treats him, and she really treats him well. The difference in assets between the family and the questioner will likely affect their relationship, but how much is still up to them to communicate and get along.

On top of that, the money belongs to the questioner's family, not the questioner personally. It doesn't belong to the questioner and his girlfriend together either. It's only partly related to the questioner, and it doesn't belong entirely to the questioner. That means the questioner isn't completely in control of it. So, the questioner might want to think about whether his worries are justified.

Ultimately, it's up to the questioner to decide whether to break up or continue with the marriage. I'm just sharing some of my views for your reference.

When confronted with the decision of whether to terminate the relationship, it is essential to engage in a thorough examination of one's own thoughts and values while demonstrating respect for the feelings of the other individual and the perspectives of their family. Prior to making a determination, it is beneficial to consider the following recommendations, which can facilitate the formulation of an optimal decision.

First, it is essential to consider one's expectations and values regarding marriage. It is important to recognize that marriage is not solely about material conditions; rather, it encompasses emotional support and mutual understanding as well.

It is essential to evaluate the relative importance of one's needs for material conditions and emotional support.

Secondly, it is possible to gain a deeper understanding of the other person and their family. In order to do so, it is necessary to ascertain their values, their life goals, and whether they are willing and able to further improve themselves.

It is essential to ascertain whether the other individual is capable of working with you in the future to create a better life.

Additionally, it is important to consider one's own career development and employment issues. While unemployment may present challenges, it can also offer a unique opportunity for growth and exploration.

It is possible to reassess one's skills, interests, and career goals in order to identify a position that aligns with one's abilities and aspirations. During this period of seeking employment, it is beneficial to maintain open communication with one's partner to ensure mutual support and understanding.

It is of the utmost importance to communicate with each other in an honest and forthright manner. It is essential to share one's concerns and uncertainties, and to actively listen to and consider the opinions and suggestions of one's partner.

Only through transparent and authentic communication can partners collectively address challenges and identify solutions.

In the event of a decision to terminate the relationship, it is advisable to minimise the level of distress experienced by both parties. It is recommended that a suitable time and location be selected for the discussion, and that any blame be avoided.

It is essential to communicate one's thoughts and feelings in an authentic manner and to convey to the other person that one still cares about her. It is important to allow the other person sufficient time to accept and process the news, thereby enabling her to gradually adapt to the change.

When communicating with family members, it is essential to select an appropriate time and method for doing so. Initially, it is advisable to convey one's thoughts and concerns, and subsequently, the decision itself.

It is advisable to refrain from engaging in any heated arguments or accusations and to ensure that your family is able to comprehend the rationale behind your decision and to respect your choice.

In addition to emotional considerations, it is also important to plan for the future in practical terms. This includes determining how to divide joint property, how to handle the house and car, and other similar matters.

It is imperative that both parties treat each other with fairness and equity to prevent the emergence of unnecessary disagreements and conflicts.

A dissolution of a romantic relationship may precipitate a constellation of negative emotions, including feelings of loss, anger, and anxiety. It is imperative to confront these emotions with gravity and to seek assistance from mental health professionals.

Additionally, stress and mood can be alleviated through activities such as sports, travel, and other forms of recreation.

Ultimately, it is essential to ascertain one's future plans and objectives. This entails a comprehensive reevaluation of one's life plan, encompassing an introspective exploration of one's aspirations for the future.

One may seek out new opportunities and challenges, or alternatively, rediscover interests and hobbies. It is only through facing the future in a positive manner and establishing new goals for oneself that one can emerge from the shadow of a breakup and embrace a better life.

In conclusion, the dissolution of a relationship is a complex and emotionally charged issue. Prior to making the decision to end the relationship, it is essential to carefully consider one's own thoughts and feelings while also respecting the opinions of the other person and their family.

Should you ultimately decide to terminate the relationship, it is imperative that you refrain from causing the other person emotional distress and consider your life and future plans in the aftermath of the dissolution. It is my sincere hope that you will be able to elucidate your own expectations throughout this process and ultimately discover a state of genuine contentment.

Dear questioner, I am Duoduolian, and I'm thrilled to be able to support you!

I totally get where you're coming from. You're looking forward to a bright future and hoping to find the perfect girlfriend. Follow your heart and do what you want to do! You're lucky to be only engaged.

People have emotions. In difficult times, you are very grateful for your girlfriend's support and help. You want to find a girlfriend who is on the same level as you, and this conflict has always bothered you. It's time to face it and conquer it!

Life is yours for the taking! Your comfort and happiness are of the utmost importance. You will undoubtedly face many challenges in the future, but don't let that stop you. Live your life to the fullest and don't leave any regrets. You have so much to look forward to! You have a high degree, your family's total assets are not low, and you have worked for a large company. You are destined to be a dark horse for your female friends to choose as a partner. It is normal to have such confusion, but you will get through it.

You've known your girlfriend for many years, and there's something about her that just draws you in: she's gorgeous and caring. Imagine getting together with her! But what if you had no passion for your work and were suddenly thrown back to the pre-liberation era? It would make you feel helpless and powerless. Your feelings are very important. Is this true? It seems that your girlfriend has had a significant impact on you!

If you regret your engagement, you will also care about the thoughts of your girlfriend and family members. You will feel uneasy and weigh the pros and cons. I believe you have made the right choice! How do you view yourself now that you are in a career downturn? If you were doing well in your career now, how would you choose a girlfriend?

A material foundation is important for marriage, but don't forget about your spiritual needs! It's also important to find a girlfriend who matches her boyfriend. Think about whether he can support her. She's grown up in a single-parent family, so she knows the challenges that come with it. She'll be able to communicate well with her girlfriend. I believe she'll understand you!

I have given you so much support along the way! The past was so hard that you can't imagine going back to it with your girlfriend in the future. It is also conceivable that life has its ups and downs. How to view it is the key! The one who doesn't give up in the face of adversity is the king!

Wishing you all the best!

It would be beneficial to express your gratitude to this associate and gain a deeper understanding of your emotions.

From the narrative, it is evident that the individual in question is striving assiduously to maintain a facade of perfection in the eyes of others.

You have set the "perfect" label for yourself and your family as "211 master's degree, big factory job, high income, wealthy family background." The only issue is that your younger brother does not meet the same standards.

It would be beneficial to consider what your ideal marriage would be like for someone who is as "perfect" as you are. What characteristics would you look for in an ideal wife?

What will your future family life entail?

In the present situation, neither your fiancée nor her family meets your expectations.

Your fiancée is very understanding and can be there for you in your darkest moments. She can help you solve your younger brother's problems together. However, she is not a "rich beauty." The person under the wedding dress is not your ideal person, especially her family background. To you, it is not a big family that you are about to happily integrate into, but rather a financially unstable one that will gradually deplete the savings that your parents have worked so hard to save.

You are concerned that the ideal marriage you had envisioned is significantly different from the reality of your current situation. This has led to feelings of regret and a desire to avoid the situation.

Take a moment to calm yourself and consider your fiancée's motivations. When she initially chose to be with you, was it solely due to your family wealth? When she was younger and more attractive, were there not other, more suitable options?

What factors led her to remain in the relationship for an extended period? What motivated her to remain with you during your lowest point, rather than ending the relationship? What influenced her decision to confront your family issues with you, rather than distancing herself from them?

The answer is clear: she loves you.

Please describe the factors that led you to select your current fiancée over the "beautiful and wealthy" woman that someone else introduced you to. Additionally, please explain what influenced you to remain in the relationship for an extended period and not terminate it prior to your planned marriage.

And what made your fiancée the one who appeared at your engagement banquet instead of any other "rich and beautiful woman"? One might speculate that it was because she could compensate for your "imperfections."

When you are experiencing frustration at work, your partner will be a constant source of support. It is important to maintain a strong relationship with your partner during this period to ensure a successful transition into married life. Your rebellious younger brother may present challenges to family harmony. When you interact with him alone, it can be overwhelming and distracting.

Your fiancée can assist you in addressing your concerns and finding solutions. Given the circumstances, it is advisable to maintain your relationship with her, as doing so can help restore a sense of stability and perfection to your family life.

Nobody is perfect.

The selection of a partner represents the choice of one's other half. The union of two halves creates a whole.

You have already established a relationship with a suitable partner. When love comes along, you may be concerned that your partner's presence will affect your current situation.

Once the two of you are married, you will form a small family unit, which will eventually give rise to new life. You will also need to transition from your current identity as an individual to that of a husband and father. This transition will entail a shift in responsibilities and obligations.

A married man is responsible for supporting his wife and children. He must also serve as the primary source of financial and emotional stability for the family. Are you prepared to assume these responsibilities?

While financial resources can be replenished, the opportunity to connect with an exceptional individual may not arise again in this lifetime.

Consider the time you have spent together, both in the past and in the future.

The journey ahead is lengthy, and it is crucial to ascertain whether you are still willing to accompany her on this path.

It seems that you are engaged, but not entirely happy, and you have some concerns about the future of your marriage. One of the main reasons is that you feel that your girlfriend doesn't earn much money and may not be able to provide a material foundation for the family. You also seem to regret that your relatives introduced you to someone with very good conditions at the beginning, and you took the initiative to refuse. This is compounded by losing your job at the end of the year, which has caused you to feel very anxious and helpless. You feel that there is no hope in life and you are in a state of internal conflict.

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to give the original poster a warm hug.

It is not uncommon for people to experience a range of emotions when making significant life changes, such as getting married or losing a job. It is understandable that you might have mixed feelings in this situation.

From your description, it seems that you may be experiencing a sense of powerlessness.

1) It seems that from the beginning, you had an inkling that your girlfriend might not be the ideal match for marriage. Despite this, the relationship continued to unfold.

2) During the Chinese New Year, it seems that you may have gotten engaged in a somewhat hasty manner, perhaps without fully realizing the implications.

3) You are considering ending the relationship and "cutting your losses," but you are concerned about the potential consequences.

4) The challenge of job applications after the New Year is significant, and it's understandable that you might feel a lack of motivation.

5) You understand the difficulties your parents and yourself are facing, but you are also concerned that getting married might bring about a sudden change in circumstances.

From what you've shared, it seems like you're facing some challenges in reconciling your expectations about your girlfriend's income level with your own financial goals. It's understandable that you might feel uncertain about your future and whether you'll be able to create a fulfilling life for yourself.

I hope you can see why I say this.

Firstly, it is important to acknowledge the significant change in circumstances that has resulted from your transition from a 300,000 annual salary employee at a medium-sized factory to a member of the unemployed. This shift has undoubtedly been challenging, and it is understandable that it has caused you to re-examine your financial situation.

Secondly, I feel that the phrase "once you get married, it's like going back to the old days..." may indicate a concern that getting married will result in your parents' savings being depleted. This seems to stem from a sense of dependency on your parents. I associate this with the desire for your parents to purchase a house for you to get married, or the need for your parents to provide financial assistance after you get married.

Could I perhaps ask whether there might be a possibility for you to manage your own little family independently?

In 1994, this year happens to be the year of my 30th birthday. It is a time for reflection and consideration of the future. While financial independence is an important aspect, it is also about achieving a sense of personal autonomy and taking responsibility for one's decisions and actions.

At this crossroads, you have two main options: 1. break up with your girlfriend and cancel the engagement; 2. get married. Another option is to press pause and get engaged but not married. In fact, 3 is not far from 1. Let's consider merging first.

It's worth considering what might happen if you choose option 1. Your girlfriend may decide to leave you, which would mean losing the emotional value she provides. You might also face criticism and even curses from those around you. If these things were to happen, would you be able to handle it?

You might also consider planning for the second scenario. If you're concerned about burdening your parents, you could set a limit, for instance, that the marital home will not depend on them financially, and that you will purchase it yourselves. If you don't have the necessary funds initially, you could rent a place first. These points can be discussed and resolved with your girlfriend.

I believe that your internal conflict often stems from a desire to have it all. You have enjoyed your girlfriend's love and the emotional value she provides, but also hope that she can earn more money; you also want to get married without affecting your parents and not touch their savings.

If I might make a suggestion, it seems to me that if you want it all, you should try to get it all by yourself. If you don't have the ability to get it all, it might be helpful to do some subtracting and multiple choice questions to figure out what is most important to you right now. When you have the ability later, you can slowly add it back.

If we consider life to be a deck of cards, it is evident that everyone has different luck and draws different cards. However, it is also clear that how you play and which cards you play first is something you can arrange yourself. Some people are fortunate enough to experience good fortune when they play. But, did the cards in fact improve?

It would seem that this is not the case. He found the right method and rhythm, and gradually sorted it out. There are also many people who have a good hand, but end up playing it badly.

It seems that the mindset and perception of the poker player may play a significant role in determining the outcome. From my perspective, it is possible to gradually improve one's performance, even when faced with unfavorable cards, provided that one is willing to adjust their mindset. Believing in one's ability to play better may be a crucial factor in this process.

If you truly want to achieve something, you will likely do whatever it takes to make it happen.

Perhaps you could take some time to calm down and organize your thoughts, exploring the question: why am I lacking in confidence in myself? Why don't I believe that I can have a good life in the future?

I hope you find your own epiphany soon.

Good day. I am Bai Li Yina, the respondent in this matter. It is my hope that my reply will provide some degree of solace and assistance.

The questioner discloses that she is currently engaged to be married, yet expresses significant discontent with the prospective union and the individual with whom she is intending to wed. In retrospect, she laments that she has failed to seize each occasion to terminate the relationship. As the nuptial date draws near, she perceives another potential opportunity to end the engagement. What course of action should she pursue?

[Situation analysis]

As the wedding date approaches, the questioner appears to become increasingly distressed. While the subject is satisfied with the girlfriend's personality and appearance, the family situation, financial strength, and personal income have not reached the subject's ideal state. When the subject requires company, the other person's commitment seems to have a significant impact on the subject, leading the subject to believe that their decision to agree to get engaged was made in an irrational state. Upon reflection, the subject experiences particular remorse and questions why they did not adhere to their initial resolve to break up.

It appears that you are experiencing significant trepidation and unease regarding the prospect of marriage. You are capable of developing romantic feelings, yet you are reluctant to proceed with the subsequent legal and social commitment. This reluctance stems from a fundamental difference between the emotional aspect of falling in love and the legal and social implications of marriage. You appear to lack confidence in the future compatibility and stability of your prospective union. What, then, are the underlying causes of this discrepancy? Let us examine the matter together.

1. Your personal abilities and family finances are commendable, yet you appear to anticipate that marriage will facilitate an advancement in your financial standing. Your fiancée, however, seems unable to provide the requisite financial support. Furthermore, marriage will entail significant expenses, a prospect that causes you concern.

2. The affection you hold for your fiancée is contingent upon her emotional devotion. When you encounter adversity, she will unconditionally stand by your side. You derive pleasure from this love, yet you are unable to reciprocate with emotions as strong as hers. You perceive a lack of love in your feelings towards her, and you are reluctant to commit to a lifelong partnership with someone you do not love.

[Thought-provoking questions]

1. The composition of a family is not merely a matter of financial resources; emotional investment is also a significant factor. Would you be amenable to marrying an individual who is willing to provide financial support but lacks sufficient emotional attachment? Or would you prefer to pursue financial independence and seek a spouse who offers emotional sustenance?

2. Despite the engagement being formalised and the hotel and three gold rings already reserved, the potential consequences of dissolving the engagement are significant. Is the financial impact of this decision more important than your personal happiness?

3. What emotions led you to believe that you could resume the relationship at any time? What emotions did you experience when you agreed to get engaged in a state of confusion?

It is important to consider whether the time spent together during the relationship was a source of happiness or distress. The decision made at the time also reflects the emotional state of the individual. Although it may be perceived as unfortunate, engaging in speculation can lead to feelings of panic, which in turn affects one's ability to make sound judgments.

It is recommended that the following methods be attempted.

1. It is an inevitable aspect of human experience to feel trepidation and apprehension when encountering a situation with which one is unfamiliar. This is a normal emotional response. Prior to entering into a marital union, it is essential to engage in a period of introspection to ascertain one's feelings towards one's prospective spouse. It is crucial to determine whether there is a reluctance to fully express one's emotions and if this reluctance is indicative of genuine love.

2. It would appear that your understanding of marital happiness is dominated by economic considerations. However, it is often the mutual affection in marriage that helps couples overcome difficulties together. You may therefore wish to consult your parents, who have been through this, on this matter.

3. Once an individual has achieved clarity within themselves, their confidence in the future will determine their level of happiness. It is never too late to begin exercising caution in all future decision-making, free from the burden of past regrets. Individuals should trust their own judgment and choices, and value their own feelings.

It is my hope that the aforementioned methods will prove beneficial to you.

It is important to note that change often requires a significant investment of time and patience. It is also crucial to recognize that many individuals have experienced or are currently experiencing similar challenges.

You are not alone in this process. I wish you the best in finding resolution to the challenges you are currently facing and in establishing a sense of comfort and ease within yourself.

I would like to express my gratitude to those who have expressed approval and provided feedback. I extend my best wishes for peace and joy.

Your kindness or conscience has made you feel torn and suffer as your wedding approaches.

You are where you are today because of your own actions.

Why?

You've had many chances to change your fate, but you were held back by your selfish desires.

Although it is no longer recommended, any relationship that doesn't aim for marriage is a sham. If you just want to fall in love, you should be clear about the difference between love and marriage.

Let the other person know what you think about love and values.

You enjoy the affection and care of others, but you're also hiding yourself away.

How can someone be good to you from the bottom of their heart if they're kind and simple?

Maybe it's because she has anxiety and depends on you. It's also possible she's grateful, but you'd know how much.

Your next story is funny.

You were ready to break up, but then you got engaged because of layoffs at work.

You hit a low point and valued her more to feel secure.

You're regretting it again now that you've "come to your senses."

How can someone with such an uncertain character be happy?

If someone is better than you, how can they trust someone with an unstable mentality, insufficient vision, and an unpredictable temperament?

As an adult, you should take responsibility for your actions, become mature, and avoid similar situations in your future life or relationships.

Let's talk about how to solve the problem.

If you break up with her, you'll regret it.

The person you meet in the future might be better than her. At the conscious and subconscious levels, they might be more suitable for you. The only thing that is not suitable is their income.

The other person is more suitable for you, and the only thing that is not suitable is their income.

Many people don't see this as a big problem. In many Chinese families, the man is the breadwinner and the woman is the homemaker. If both people are career-minded and rely on others to take care of everything at home, it's basically in a state of "desolation."

If it's not serious, there may be problems with the children's education and development; if it is serious, there may be problems with the relationship between the two of you. If you want to return to the family and become the family man, the situation will be worse.

In a southern city, 300,000 is not high income. Your girlfriend can support herself, so there's no need for her to be nice to you because of your income or family assets.

She's been kind and sincere to you for so many years, even though she didn't notice your mood swings.

A good woman is a school. She blesses the family with her gentle, virtuous character. She also influences her children's education.

If you break up today, you'll probably regret it in a few years.

If you think only breaking up will make you happy, then break up.

She'll probably ask why, but she won't stalk you.

As the saying goes, a short pain is better than a long one. Be honest when breaking up with her. Don't let her figure out why she's being dumped. Just tell her the truth: she's losing out to reality.

I think she'll accept this reason, and it'll hurt the least.

If you can't get over it, be generous and make some material amends. This requires perseverance. Give up the three gold gifts, don't ask for the bride price money, and pay for your own hotels and other expenses.

These may not be what your girlfriend wants, but they can stop her family from making things more difficult for you.

This is not a psychological problem. It's a specific real-life anxiety. I've given you a plain explanation to help you.

First of all, I get where you're coming from. Getting married is a big deal that requires thinking about a lot of different things, like your feelings, what you have to offer financially, and what your family background is like.

It seems like your current situation is making you feel torn and unsure about what to choose.

I think it's important to remember that marriage isn't a quick fix for the problems of the past. It's a process of two people working together and supporting each other. Of course, having a solid financial foundation is important, but it's not the only factor.

On the other hand, it's just as important to have affection, communication, understanding, and trust. If two people can work together and support each other, they can create a happy married life even if they don't have a strong material foundation.

I think you should think carefully about your own thoughts and values. Do you really think that marrying your girlfriend will make your life a failure?

Are you ready to tackle whatever the future brings with her by your side? If you think marriage will make you unhappy, ending the relationship might be the best option.

If you think she's someone you can trust and rely on, you should try to get over your anxiety and confusion and plan for the future with her.

I also think it'd be a good idea for you and your girlfriend to communicate your thoughts and feelings honestly. You should tell her what you're worried about and what you don't understand, and listen to her ideas and suggestions.

Maybe she has some ideas and plans of her own, and you can talk through them together to find a solution that works for both of you.

Finally, I just want to remind you that fate isn't entirely down to external factors, and that our choices and efforts are equally important. No matter what situation you're in, don't give up hope and keep pursuing your future.

Have confidence in yourself and the bright future ahead, and you'll find happiness and success.

Hello! Let's dive into a few of the amazing things you shared: "I was better looking (before I gained weight), and I have a very nice personality."

"Marriage will seriously affect your quality of life. You're under a lot of pressure at work, your mental state is poor, your girlfriend is there for you, taking you to the doctor, reminding you to take your medicine, and even helping you deal with your younger brother's rebellious behavior.

"We made it through to the end of last year, but we just couldn't wait any longer! Her family was eager to set the wedding date." "So, in a daze, we set the wedding date during the New Year holiday, and my girlfriend was over the moon!

"I know I don't like my girlfriend very much, but I can't bear to lose her." I regret rejecting a good match.

"She can't provide any material foundation for marriage."

Have you noticed that you always think in a pessimistic way, while your girlfriend seems positive? You are now worried that your girlfriend's conditions are not very good, and that she cannot actually help improve your quality of life, but you know she can help you reach new heights!

I don't really understand why marrying your girlfriend is like going back to the pre-liberation era. But if you get married, think of all the possibilities! You could split your assets with her or help her younger brother get married.

Or do you hope to find someone of equal strength who can provide you with a more abundant material foundation? Have you considered whether this person might also want to find someone better? Do you think that you have not mentioned breaking up because the timing is not good, you cannot let go of your girlfriend, or because you are indecisive and not open enough?

Have you ever considered that you might be holding her back? What do you think your girlfriend sees in you? Would she still want to be with you if she knew your true thoughts?

You know what? I think you should give it another go. Especially since you're still looking for a job and she's still willing to get engaged to you and is very happy. As the saying goes, it is better to reconcile than to part!

If she really marries you, your girlfriend may really regret it in the future, not just you. But I still suggest that you find a job with peace of mind and go on with your fiancée!

Have you ever thought about why at every juncture your choices have time and again departed from your original intentions? Isn't it precisely because your girlfriend is good to you? Sometimes emotional value is more important than material conditions. It all depends on your fiancée's good character and her willingness to face problems together with you.

What do you think? Marriage is the grave of love, but it's also the beginning of a whole new chapter! After marriage, love will slowly turn into affection, and your brain will gradually cool down from the fever. You'll be free to focus on the trivial matters of life, and you'll find yourself excited about them!

But a good partner will make life full of flavor, not just materially. Best wishes!

Good day, esteemed colleagues.

As you approach marriage, you continue to experience internal conflicts with your girlfriend, with whom you have been in a relationship for over a decade. I empathize with your struggles, particularly in the context of career transitions, given your recent job loss and the need to secure new employment. However, I find your situation somewhat disconcerting, as it seems to align with the conventional understanding of true love.

In a situation like yours, it is indeed sufficient to cause people to feel torn. Now your girlfriend seems to be like an unsatisfying meal—you do not derive any pleasure from eating her, yet you are reluctant to discard her. Given the emotional turmoil you are experiencing, it is understandable that it would affect your mood. Fortunately, you have recognized this issue and have sought guidance in a timely manner. As psychologists often observe,

Awareness represents the initial stage of the healing process, signifying the commencement of the journey towards self-healing.

It is unclear whether you have always placed a high value on material possessions. Has your girlfriend perceived this during your relationship? To what extent is he truly devoted to you? How does he respond to the internal conflicts you have described? It seems that he is indifferent to these struggles. Additionally, when you got engaged, you stated that you were pretending to be happy. While this may be a temporary coping mechanism, maintaining such a facade over an extended period is challenging.

It is evident that you hold your girlfriend in high regard, as evidenced by your inability to forget her positive qualities, your recognition of her advancing age, and your appreciation for her actions. As you have repeatedly stated, you are unable to reconcile the thought of ending your relationship for any reason.

It is evident that your sentiments are genuine and that your disillusionment with your girlfriend stems from her materialistic tendencies. This hypothesis is supported by the observation that if you encounter an individual who surpasses you and your girlfriend in terms of material wealth, the disparity may prove to be a significant obstacle in forming a compatible relationship. It is crucial to ascertain whether you can anticipate a harmonious and equitable relationship with this individual, particularly in terms of the level of affection and consideration he extends towards you.

Should you encounter an individual with slightly superior material circumstances, it is probable that your disposition will undergo a further alteration. It is likely that you will then perceive material possessions as inconsequential and spiritual gratification as the primary source of fulfilment. Furthermore, if you are indifferent to the quality of your interactions with this individual and are willing to act in their best interests, regardless of their actions towards you, it is evident that hesitation is unwarranted. Ultimately, your decision to invest in this individual is predicated on their material circumstances.

It is my impression that you are not as decisive as you could be, that you are not willing to make the necessary sacrifices for material gain. Indeed, this kind of character that requires both material and spiritual things is the most challenging to navigate, because it is impossible to have your cake and eat it too. In order to achieve internal stability and focus on moving towards a goal, it is essential to be determined to give up one thing in order to stop internal conflicts in our lives.

If you are currently experiencing anxiety due to job hunting, it is possible to postpone this pursuit while you pursue the joy of marriage. You are fortunate to have such supportive friends. Even if your meals are simple, you will still feel content. With such a positive outlook, you will be very happy. You can still live and eat. If you can downplay material desires, life will be a hundred times happier.

It is accurate to conclude that a life of moderation can lead to happiness. However, humans are also prone to forming ideas that are difficult to discard. At this juncture, it requires significant effort and determination. If one asserts that they are unable to expeditiously resolve their dilemma, it is recommended to invest in professional psychological counseling to ascertain their genuine aspirations. Following this, they should endeavor to minimize the number of diversions.

In any case, the decision is already before you. You must choose, believe in yourself, and select your authentic inner desires through the exercise of your own judgment.

I wish you the utmost success and a splendid future. I am confident that you will succeed, and I am proud of you!

Hello! I will answer your question from the following points.

1. You must accept the consequences of your choices. If you cannot make a choice in the face of the facts that have already occurred, you are implicitly accepting the current result. As for the future, there are probably several possibilities: 1. Your marriage will be happy and harmonious. 2. Your marriage will eventually break up. 3. You will endure the pain of the marriage for various reasons. You will either return to the second result or spend the rest of your life in pain. There are only these three results. Your mind has led you to this worst result. Think about what price you will pay if the worst result of getting married happens.

You must decide which price you are willing to accept, compared to the loss of a sum of money and ending the relationship peacefully if you choose now. If you delay making a choice, it will be considered as having already been made, because the facts that have already happened cannot be changed. What can be changed is your expectations for your future married life.

Second, people live in a state of confusion because of all kinds of self-denial and self-imposed limitations. Let me be clear: this has nothing to do with your fiancée's family background or character. It's about you wanting too much and expecting too much. Nothing in life is perfect, but each level of the game requires you to identify what you truly want and how to make choices.

Seeing the good in others makes you more aware of your own needs—and you know what you need.

Dear friend, I can sense your confusion and anxiety. It is normal to feel uncertain and stressed when facing major life decisions. Many people experience similar confusion when it comes to marriage and career planning. Your feelings and thoughts are valuable assets in your growth process.

You have to make a choice, and there is no one right answer. Your life path is unique, and you have to make a choice based on your own values, emotional needs, and life goals.

Marriage is a practical matter that involves not only the feelings of two people, but also many other factors such as family background, financial situation, and personal values. You are thinking seriously about the future, as evidenced by your consideration of your girlfriend's family conditions and your own career development.

This shows you are a responsible person when making decisions. You are also aware of your dependence on and gratitude for your girlfriend, which shows you have a deep emotional connection.

Your situation is a clear example of psychologist Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, which divides human needs into five levels: physiological needs, safety needs, belonging and love needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization needs. The problem you are facing now is a direct tug-of-war between your safety needs and your social needs.

You're right to be worried that an inadequate material foundation will affect the quality of your future life. But you also have deep feelings for this relationship and are considering realistic factors.

You're already trying to find an answer, and you'll get it.

You need to recognize that support and understanding in relationships are very valuable. Your girlfriend has supported and accompanied you when you have faced difficulties, which is very rare.

You don't want to let her go because she holds an irreplaceable place in your heart. Your hesitation and unease may stem from uncertainty about the future and doubts about your abilities.

In this process, you must face your true feelings. Your worries and concerns are a reflection of your sense of responsibility towards marriage and family.

Marriage is about more than just a material foundation. It's about two people supporting each other and growing together. The support your girlfriend gave you in your time of need is a valuable emotional asset.

You need to take the time to think deeply about what you really want out of life. Is it material wealth, or spiritual fulfillment?

Or find a balance between the two. Have an in-depth conversation with your girlfriend and share your concerns and fears.

Listen to her thoughts and expectations. Explore the possibilities for the future together, including how to face financial challenges and support each other's career development.

Clarifying your values and goals will help you make a decision that is more in line with your heart.

If you decide to stay in the relationship, you must make a realistic plan to improve your financial situation. This will include career planning and financial management.

No relationship is perfect. What matters is that both parties are willing to work together to overcome difficulties and grow together.

Seeking help from a professional counselor is a good option if you find it difficult to deal with these emotions and decisions. They can provide professional advice and guidance to help you better understand yourself and make the best choices for you.

Your decision will require courage and action. If you decide to stay in the relationship, actively seek employment and lay the foundations for your future life.

If you decide to separate, be brave and face the consequences. Your choice will affect your future, but you will get through this.

Your life is yours to live as you choose. There is no such thing as "destiny." You shape your destiny with every decision you make. Face your emotions head-on and make the choices that are best for you. Your future will be full of hope and possibilities.

Good day.

From your description, it is evident that you are reluctant to marry your girlfriend due to concerns about potential financial implications. While she may pose a material burden, you also appear to be emotionally dependent on her. This makes it challenging for you to make an informed decision.

The decision to marry is a risky one, regardless of the individual in question.

Given the inherent uncertainty of the future, it is prudent to plan for a range of potential outcomes.

For example, some individuals hail from affluent families on both sides, but then suddenly encounter an unforeseen event, resulting in the birth of a child with a rare disease that significantly depletes the family's financial resources.

Some individuals may not have favorable circumstances initially, but later on, their spouses gain recognition for their handicrafts, and they start their own media business, which proves to be highly lucrative.

Even if you believe you have selected a candidate with favorable circumstances, how can you be certain that these conditions will persist?

It is analogous to a situation in which an individual in a relationship perceives themselves as superior in every way, with a high degree, a high income, and a good family background. However, after losing their job, they also lose their income. This represents a change in circumstances.

You value your reputation highly and have a perfect image of yourself. You aspire to become the kind of child from a wealthy family, the elite. When faced with pressure and unable to bear it, you become anxious and fear failure, as you fear that your image of yourself will be shattered.

Furthermore, there is a concern that the marriage may not succeed.

When expectations are clearly defined, it is more likely that the desired outcome will be achieved.

When you are optimistic about marriage and believe that things will improve, it may not be a disadvantage and could even lead to a positive outcome.

Despite her limited educational background, she displays a commendable degree of kindness.

She is willing to accompany you through the low points in life, recognize and encourage you, and believe that you are a wonderful person in her eyes. Receiving recognition from someone who loves you is a valuable asset.

If you find a suitable candidate, it is important to be able to respect each other. However, if the other person often shows disrespect, is critical of your personal circumstances and family situation, and is unsupportive of your aspirations, it is likely to have a negative impact on your decision-making process.

I am unaware of the girl's intentions. Does she aspire to further her education? Does she seek to enhance her income?

She still views you as a means to an end, expecting that if she secures a more advantageous husband, she can then cease her efforts.

If she is a motivated individual, you can also encourage her to enhance her skills. I once watched a documentary about a five-star hotel chef who had never attended university. He had unique insights into cooking, combining Chinese landscape painting with French culinary practices, and every dish in the Chinese restaurant was exquisite.

It is possible that your girlfriend is not performing well in school or on exams, but she likely has other strengths. If you can help her leverage these strengths, she may also be very successful.

If her positive behavior is motivated by a desire for financial support, it is imperative to re-evaluate the nature of the relationship. It is important to recognize that providing financial assistance to another individual or family is a challenging endeavor, and it is not a sustainable solution.

It is advisable to discuss your expectations of her and any concerns you may have in a frank manner before the wedding. If the two of you proceed with the marriage, it is to be expected that the relationship will improve.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello, question asker! From what I can see, your family's financial situation is pretty good. It looks like the girl is doing well too! But it's the original family that will have the biggest impact.

Absolutely! Marriage is so much more than just two people falling in love. It's also about considering the family situations of both parties.

A man's standards for choosing a spouse will change. In school, he looks for a girl who is good-looking or who can hang out together. After entering society and during the early stages of hard work, he hopes that the girl or her family can provide some financial support. When he has achieved success, he needs someone who will understand and respect him.

It's totally understandable that many people think this way: when you get married, you want to find someone with relatively better material conditions. If the other person's family is average, the burden after marriage may be very heavy. When you think about it this way, your disdain may be understandable.

Maybe you could try to accept your current girlfriend and work on changing yourself.

You can try to work hard with your girlfriend and create your own future together. It's okay if you don't want to be with her. After all, it's your own choice.

I know you're feeling unsure about getting married right now, and I totally get it. I just want you to think about this: if you do get married now, you might regret it later on.

I have a great example of a girl from a poor family getting married. The man and the woman were colleagues, and the man courted her. When they got engaged, the man's family was also considering whether to back out of the marriage, but they eventually got married anyway! They live with the mother-in-law, her husband, her husband's younger sister, and their own children.

The man and his family said a lot of unkind things about the woman because she earned less and they thought she couldn't provide any help. I felt really sorry for her because she was my best friend. I spoke up for her because I felt she had already given birth to a child, so why should she have to pay?

Her husband is a grown man, so he should really try to get what he wants. It seems like he relies on his wife's family too much because he lacks the ability to do so himself.

I really feel for you. It seems like you're torn between getting married and not. I think the reason is that on the one hand, you feel like you don't have the ability to do so, and on the other hand, you lack a sense of security. We all have moments of confusion, and it's so important to choose how you deal with it.

Wishing you all the best!

You know what happened can't be changed, but you can't help but imagine another scenario and make up an alternative ending as you wish. Then you may lament that you "missed the best opportunity" or regret how you were blinded by greed in the first place.

It can never be proven, disproven, or falsified because it exists only in your imagination. You may not be aware that it can never be proven and is always just an imagination, not a fact.

You seem to prefer illusions and imagination, indulging in the right and wrong of the past. This is unlike the other response, which is to let go of the past and stop dwelling on it. It is also unlike the other response, which is to accept that "everything is for the best." So, at this crossroads in the present, you must decide whether you want to continue or regret it. If you choose to continue, you must ensure that you won't regret it again one day.

There's no way around it. The reality of being poor is never as good as the fantasy of being rich.

You seem to regret getting married as planned. If you call off the wedding, how can you be sure it will end well? Even if you find someone with good material conditions, will they be "too good to let go"?

Is she better looking? Is she a good person?

If everything is perfect according to your expectations, there is a chance the other party will despise you and regret it in the future, and leave. You may still be optimized, have anxiety disorders, and an unmotivated younger brother.

.

You seem to be accusing her of lowering your material standards. I need to know if an income of 80,000 yuan is enough for her own expenses. Has she spent a lot of your money and goods? Is she a spendthrift who spends money indiscriminately?

Or is she demanding control over your financial assets after marriage? Or are you from different social classes?

You've made it clear that income affects quality of life. But in your experience, it seems the opposite is true. You've overcome difficulties in life with her help, not income. These are all part of life and quality. You have your own answer as to the weight of this and how important it is to you. It just sounds surprisingly minimal.

Your girlfriend has a fatal flaw: she never realized that you just want to be boyfriend and girlfriend. This makes her intellectually inferior to you and not a good match for you. I'm not here to judge your actions, but I have to ask: during the long process of more than ten years, since there was no plan to get married in the end, have you ever thought about what she should do?

She's not stupid for having a low education and low income. She deserves what she gets.

You're not the passive one. You know your advantages, and you know your decision affects both of your lives. It's your life and your decision. Before marriage, you need to consider it carefully and comprehensively. Regardless of your decision, you should consider her a little this time, after all these ten years of love.

I wish you happiness.

Good morning, my name is Xin Tan and I am Coach Fei Yun. I believe that life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for growth and development.

She is aware of your concerns regarding the financial implications of marriage. The primary issue is her apprehension that your financial situation will not improve and your standard of living will remain low after you marry your girlfriend. Despite her admirable qualities, her current income and family background make it challenging for her to provide financial support. Let's discuss this together.

1. Allow yourself sufficient time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Although you are engaged, there is still time before the wedding. Rather than dwelling on negative emotions, it is advisable to take a step back and assess the situation calmly. Breathe deeply and focus your attention on the matter at hand. This will help you gain clarity and identify the root cause of the problem.

Let us review the key points:

(1) You have a positive emotional connection with your girlfriend. This is based on your shared history and familiarity from junior high school. Even if you initially considered the relationship to be purely platonic, it was founded on affection.

It is challenging to distinguish between reason and emotion when one is in the midst of such a situation. When it comes to true love, it is difficult to separate the two if one is truly committed to the relationship. Despite one's best efforts to remain rational, the emotional connection often overpowers reason.

Your girlfriend demonstrated remarkable resilience and commitment during challenging times, particularly when you and your brother were facing difficulties. Despite the personal setbacks you experienced, she remained supportive and faithful to the relationship. Even when you were laid off and she was made redundant, she maintained her confidence in the relationship and did not question or dislike you.

Furthermore, you are appreciative.

(2) The notion of "good conditions" is also relative.

You have indicated that your relatives have also introduced you to someone who is "very well-off." In this context, "very well-off" is a relative term that encompasses financial strength and external conditions, or what might be considered the "visible" aspects, such as appearance, temperament, education, job nature, income status, family background, and so on.

As you yourself said, being in love is different from being married. It is not possible to guarantee that someone with good material conditions will be there for you through the darkest moments of your life. Similarly, it is not possible to guarantee that someone with good material conditions will treat you well and also be good to your family.

The company of your girlfriend has allowed you to observe her kindness, understanding, and love for you and your family. These are valuable qualities that cannot be purchased with material wealth.

Take some time to gain clarity. In this relationship, are you truly concerned about your relationship with her, or are you primarily anxious about material deprivation?

If the former is the case, we can proceed. However, if the latter is true, it is essential to address the underlying issue by pursuing personal growth. Regardless of whether you change partners, it is crucial to heal yourself to reap the benefits of a fulfilling relationship and a happy marriage.

2. You always have the option to choose.

This is not to imply that new options are unavailable.

Should you wish to proceed with marrying your girlfriend, you may choose to plan your future life together before the ceremony. You are encouraged to share your views and feelings with her, and to listen to her opinions and thoughts. It is possible that she has already planned for the future.

It would be advisable to inform him that your concerns relate to the future and your own future. Given the lack of clarity in the situation, it is difficult to ascertain whether there are common goals and the potential for a better outcome.

If you wish to terminate the relationship, the return of betrothal gifts, the three golds, hotel bookings, etc. is a straightforward process. You may request the return of the gifts, which may cause some embarrassment, but at most, you will lose the deposit for the hotel. This is a far preferable outcome to entering an unhappy marriage with a lifetime of unhappiness and regret.

To conclude, before making a decision, it is advisable to conduct a calm and objective review of the situation in order to gain a more comprehensive understanding of the facts and explore a wider range of options.

I hope the above is helpful to you and beneficial to the world. Best regards,

Should you wish to continue the discussion, you are invited to follow my personal page, "Heart Exploration Service."

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would be grateful for the opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

Perhaps we could start by discussing relationships.

In "The Terrific Me," Chen Haixian discusses the idea that people are in relationships all the time and that our self is different in different relationships. What often influences our thinking and behavior is not our personality, but the relationships we are in. Therefore, it could be beneficial to consider relationships from a different perspective to potentially transform the dimension of our thinking.

As the original poster wrote, the wedding is approaching, and I'm considering breaking up, but I'm worried about the impact it might have. What do you think I should do?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what role I played in my relationship with my family of origin. I have a master's degree from 1994 and a good job and income. What role did I play in that relationship?

My girlfriend and I went to junior high school together, and at the time, we just wanted to be boyfriend and girlfriend, not get married. I'm not sure yet what role I'll play in the future marriage or nuclear family. I'm still figuring out my career, and I'm not sure I'll be able to provide the material conditions.

We might also consider what we want from our relationship with our family of origin. We have an unmotivated younger brother at home, and we hope to find someone who can provide for a family. What would I like from a relationship?

I would like to know what my girlfriend wants. I would like to develop an intimate relationship and move towards marriage. What does she want? She wants to have an intimate relationship and move towards marriage. What do I want in the future marital relationship or nuclear family?

I would like to kindly request that you be good to me and provide me with a solid financial foundation.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what position and role I would put myself in if I were to break up when the wedding is approaching. Would I be comfortable with this position and role?

I wonder if I might ask you to consider with me the position and role that I play in this relationship. Do you feel that my girlfriend is comfortable with this position and role?

If you can grasp your partner's expectations from a relational standpoint, you may find it easier to respond to them in a similarly relational way.

It might be helpful to try to communicate with our girlfriend once, face the relationship, discuss the relationship, and not only express our needs honestly, but also listen carefully to our girlfriend's needs, acknowledge our differences, and be honest about our own worries. It's important to remember that communication is not about changing the other person, but about getting to know each other and unlocking more possibilities, while also releasing your pent-up emotions.

And then there is the importance of self-love.

It may be helpful to consider that a voluntary and spontaneous choice could potentially mark the end of a good relationship.

If you feel you need help, you can seek it from a family member or friend you trust and who has always given you positive support. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor, as expressing emotions can help relieve heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

It might also be helpful to try to adjust our state of mind, go out into nature, listen to the frogs, smell the birds and flowers, feel the beauty of life, and let go of our happy feelings. Because life is a cycle, we can choose to tie it and untie it.

I would like to suggest the book "Amazing Me" as a recommended read.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm a counselor in the transpersonal school.

From what you've told me, I can see you're going through a lot. It's totally normal to feel confused and conflicted in your situation.

It's totally normal to feel a bit conflicted and anxious.

Marriage is a big deal! It's something you should think about carefully, especially when it involves so many things like your family background, your finances, and your feelings. In a relationship, or in a marriage, it's important to think about what you need and what your partner needs. You should think about whether you can meet each other's needs, or whether you can work hard together to achieve your common goals.

If you haven't started yet and you think that you will have a hard time in your married life, I'd say that's a bit premature and absolute. A successful marriage is not only based on material foundations, but also on the deep emotional foundation you have, or your ability to manage your marriage.

It's so easy to fall into the trap of thinking that the happiness of marriage is based on material things. But it's so much more than that!

I'm really sorry, but since you asked the question on the platform, we can't go into a lot of detail about your concerns. What we can do is give you some simple advice based on what you've told us.

Take a moment to think about your expectations of marriage. What kind of life do you want?

It would be really helpful to know what the questioner expects from his partner. Does his girlfriend meet these expectations?

If she can't, it might be time to ask yourself if these are irreconcilable differences. Marriage is so much more than just a union based on material foundations. It's also about an emotional blend and a journey of growing together.

It's true that material conditions can affect the quality of life to a certain extent. But it's also important to remember that they're not the only factor in determining whether a marriage is happy or not. So, it might be helpful for you to take a step back and rethink your views on marriage. It's possible that you're focusing too much on material conditions and neglecting some of the emotional values that are also important in a relationship.

It's so important to communicate deeply with your girlfriend. She has a right to know your true feelings about marriage, and you need to express your concerns and fears. After all, marriage is a matter for two people!

She might be able to help you out with some solutions, or you can work together to find a way to solve the problem. When you talk to your girlfriend about your concerns and thoughts, you can learn more about her views and expectations of marriage.

Communication is the key to understanding each other better and working together to find solutions to problems. It's also important to respect her feelings and thoughts and not impose your own wishes on her.

It's so important to find support when you need it. You can share your concerns with family members, friends, or a counselor, who may be able to offer helpful advice and support. A counselor in particular can help you analyze the problem more comprehensively and find a solution that suits you.

If you're someone who cares a lot about your material foundation, you might want to think about seeking the help of a professional career planner or financial planner. These folks can help you grow your future work or wealth and achieve the material foundation you want!

Future planning: Whatever decision you make, just focus on your growth and development, OK? Actively seek job opportunities and work hard to improve your abilities and competitiveness. You've got this!

It's a great idea to make a detailed plan for the future, including things like career development, family finances, and children's education. If you can, try to reach a consensus on these issues and work together to achieve your goals.

And don't forget to take care of your mental health! Learn to adjust your mentality and face life's challenges with a smile.

Be brave enough to face the consequences. If you feel that the differences between you are irreconcilable, then be brave enough to face the reality and bear the consequences, stopping the damage in time. Although there will be a lot of trouble and losses if the wedding is cancelled now, these losses are worth it compared to a lifetime of happiness.

No matter what happens in your marriage, you need to keep growing. Make yourself better and stronger, so that no matter what you decide, you'll have the courage and ability to face whatever comes your way.

You're the only one who can make this decision. It's so important to choose the option that's right for you, based on your own situation and feelings. Marriage is a lifelong commitment, so it's something you really need to think about carefully.

When it comes to fate, it's not all down to external factors. We've got to take our own choices and efforts into our own hands. When we're at life's crossroads, we need to face reality head on and make decisions that are in line with our values and life goals.

No matter what you decide, I hope you can trust that you're making the best choice for yourself and the other person. I really hope the person who asked the question can find their own answer and happiness.

I really hope my answer helps!

I'd love to make some book recommendations!

Evolutionary Psychology: This book is a great read if you're looking to gain a deeper understanding of the nature of marriage and romantic relationships. It explores various psychological and behavioral choices in intimate relationships from an evolutionary perspective.

"Knowing How to Love: Growing in Intimate Relationships" is a wonderful book that really emphasizes the importance of learning and growing in intimate relationships. It provides such good guidance on how to face and deal with the challenges and difficulties in marriage.

"A Happy Marriage Depends on You": This book is a great read! It explores the key factors for a happy marriage from multiple perspectives, including communication, trust, and understanding between husband and wife. It also provides lots of practical advice and strategies.