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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Good day. I extend my warmest regards from afar.
The ability to empathize with the traumatic experiences of your original family members during your upbringing allows you to choose to avoid re-experiencing the trauma by distancing yourself.
It is important to recognize that we cannot alter the circumstances of our family of origin or our parents. However, we can choose to accept them.
In systemic family therapy, the concept of "individuation with connection" is employed. This concept acknowledges that despite the distance between an adult and their original family, the imprints of the original family on the individual's growth will persist, particularly in the context of traumatic experiences. The gradual release of these experiences requires an individual to become aware of them and to accept them.
It would be beneficial for you to accept that you have this kind of family of origin, that you have a pair of parents who deal with their marital conflicts and conflicts by arguing all day long. It is important to understand that this is not a reflection of your own inadequacy, but rather a consequence of your parents' own childhood experiences. When individuals lack awareness of their own growth patterns, they may unintentionally replicate the parenting styles they were exposed to during their upbringing.
From your description, it is evident that you have gained a comprehensive understanding of your personal growth patterns. With this self-awareness, you can proactively address past trauma through active learning.
I suggest you read "We Have All Been Hurt, But We Have a Better Life" and "Original Family."
My name is Lily, the Q&A Museum's resident expert on all things audio. I extend my warmest regards to you and the world.
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Comments
I understand the pain of not wanting to return home. It's hard when family conflicts and financial struggles weigh so heavily on you. An internship could be a good escape for now, finding a temporary place can offer some relief from the pressure.
It's heartbreaking feeling like home isn't a haven but a place of tension. I know how much that can hurt. Maybe this internship will give you some space to breathe and figure things out away from all that arguing.
The sadness and frustration you're experiencing are really tough. Seeking refuge through your internship is understandable. It's important to find a supportive environment where you can feel more at ease and work through these heavy emotions.
I feel for you in this difficult time. The thought of poverty affecting your whole life must be incredibly burdensome. Taking a break from home by interning somewhere might provide you with a fresh perspective and a chance to grow independently.
Your feelings are valid. It's exhausting living amidst constant conflict and financial hardship. Perhaps this internship will be an opportunity for personal growth and a way to reclaim parts of yourself that have been overshadowed by those issues.