Every day I feel unhappy and irritable. How can I change myself?

Hello! I just wanted to send a quick 360-degree hug your way.

In your question, you ask how you can change yourself. At the end, you say that character is in your bones and difficult to change.

I wonder if we could say that, although you've come to us for help and have told yourself that you must change, subconsciously you don't really want to change?

It seems like you're making yourself really unhappy. Work, colleagues, your husband, your children, yourself—it's like everything related to life, everyone, and everything you need to deal with is making you unhappy. Have you ever thought that maybe you've decided not to make yourself happy and have given yourself some negative labels, like stingy, sensitive, conceited, a complainer, bad-tempered, and so on?

It's like an unhappy person who uses happiness-of-being-an-older-unmarried-woman-how-to-adjust-ones-psychology-6156.html" target="_blank">unhappiness as a weapon, a shield, and an amulet.

Your unhappiness affects you and those around you. You're like a conduit for unhappiness, forcing yourself to be unhappy.

I don't know what you gain from being unhappy, and I don't know what makes you so unhappy, but I think you've made the choice to live and die with unhappiness. You see, as you said, character is inborn and hard to change.

We're always making choices, and a lot of the choices we think we're forced into are actually ones we've made ourselves.

There are really only three options: go left, go right, or stay where you are. It's like standing at a fork in the road where one path leads to happiness. If you choose to go left, you'll find happiness in loving yourself, loving life, and embracing this imperfect but not bad world. If you go right, you'll find unhappiness, and you'll miss out on the happiness that's right in front of you.

Staying in the same place means finding a balance between happiness and unhappiness. Most people are somewhere in between happy and unhappy.

We can choose to be happy, we can choose to be unhappy, or we can jump between the two. But it's up to us.

Your problem description is pretty scattered, and you might not know why you're unhappy or what you really want. I suggest you talk to a counselor.

I'm a counselor who's often both Buddhist and depressed, occasionally positive and motivated, and I love the world.

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan.

From what the author has shared, it seems like he's struggling to find positive feedback in his close relationships with his family and in his interpersonal relationships with others. It's clear that he's experiencing negative emotions like irritability. Is this something you can relate to?

I hope I can give you a little strength by giving you a friendly pat on the shoulder. What's your way of getting along with others?

When something bothers you or you encounter something unpleasant, do you hope to gain others' understanding and get things done the way you want? I'm just wondering if this is how you view things.

I'm just wondering if these views are truly what the questioner needs. Could the original family have some influence here?

It's so common for our close relationships, how we interact with others, and even how we handle negative emotions to be influenced by our family of origin. And we're often not even aware of it! If we're not conscious of our own patterns, we might find ourselves stuck in a rut.

I'm really sorry, but since the question was asked on the platform, we can't go into much detail about it. I'd love to be able to give you more advice, but I can only give you a little bit right now. It's about how to deal with the negative emotions that arise.

It's time to face the influence of your original family.

I'd love to help you understand the impact of your original family on you. What is your model of social interaction with others?

It would be really helpful to know what opinions have influenced the questioner and made them unhappy with everything around them. These opinions are the influence of the original family on the questioner. It would be great if the questioner could try to list in detail on paper some of the opinions that have influenced them.

Then, you can try to figure out if these views are actually true, where they came from, or if they're just your own feelings. Look at the facts and what your family has taught you, and think about whether these views are common in society or just your own.

If it's just your own opinion and not everyone thinks the same way, you can be sure that these influences came from your family of origin. For example, when faced with things you're not satisfied with, have you tried other ways of behaving besides the one your family of origin taught you?

I'd love to know why the questioner has such views! What kind of influence has it been subject to?

If the questioner understands that some of their inner views on things are actually influenced by their family of origin since childhood, then they'll be able to stop getting annoyed by trivial matters!

Let's identify those disturbing negative thoughts together.

We all have those days when our minds just race with negative thoughts. It's okay! Some thoughts just pop up, while others are harder to find.

It's so important to remember to jot down any negative emotions you're feeling in a few words.

Let's find out what makes the questioner feel negative. It could be things not being as good as they seem, which causes the questioner to feel negative emotions and be dissatisfied with their surroundings. Where do these negative emotions come from?

It would be really helpful to think about whether there's any influence from the original family.

It's important to remember that these negative thoughts are pretty common. They often come in the form of cognitive distortions like overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, and being overly extreme.

Let's put a stop to those negative emotions!

Once you've identified the root cause of your negative emotions, you can start to cheer yourself up and overcome them. For instance, if you wake up in the morning and feel like it's going to be a rough day, try to remind yourself that it'll get better after the morning. This simple trick can help you maintain a positive mindset.

When you're feeling down, don't dwell on it or talk about it. Instead, try saying something positive. You'll be amazed at how quickly your mood will lift!

It's so important to find out what's really going on underneath all those negative emotions!

What's making you feel down, sweetie? Is it the worry about how things are going, the longing for good food, or the frustration with interpersonal relationships?

This is where it gets really helpful! The questioner just needs to search carefully and be aware of what exactly affects them and makes them feel negative, and to record it on paper.

It's so important to understand what's making you feel negative, and to work out why. For instance, if you feel like there's nothing tasty at home and your family can't meet your needs, have you ever suggested ways they could help?

Or maybe you could do it yourself to satisfy your own needs? It's possible that not being satisfied is causing you to feel all kinds of negative emotions.

It's only by figuring out the root cause of your true annoyance that you can make the corresponding changes that your heart desires.

And remember, every day is a new day to start off on the right foot!

Every day, greet the world with a smile and a positive attitude! When you wake up in the morning, take a moment to think of five happy things first.

These happy things can be small events in life, such as listening to a good song, watching a good movie, smelling the tea nice today, and buying what you wanted yesterday. Think more about these things and say them out loud, so that you can start the day positively!

A positive mindset is the foundation of starting a new day. It'll make it much harder for negative emotions to take root!

You might think it'll look a bit silly saying positive things out loud, but studies have shown that it can actually help you to believe what you're saying! It'll make you feel happier, more focused, and it'll stop you having too many negative thoughts.

I really hope my answer helps the person who asked the question!

If one is experiencing persistent feelings of unhappiness and irritability on a daily basis, it is challenging to identify potential avenues for self-change.

Good day, question asker. I am therapist Wang Ying.

The questioner's description evokes a sense of familiarity, reminiscent of my own experiences. I, too, grappled with self-hatred. On the one hand, I was dissatisfied with this aspect of myself, yet on the other, I lacked the knowledge and tools to effect a change. Many individuals attribute this to inherent character flaws, which they believe are fixed and deeply ingrained. However, I have since come to challenge this perspective. Despite being perceived as having a flawed character, I was able to undergo a transformation. The capacity to change is ultimately within our own control.

If one wishes to undergo a change, it is essential to be prepared to believe in oneself and to be willing to endure discomfort. It must be acknowledged that the process of self-growth is not straightforward. However, upon reaching a point of growth and transformation, one can encounter a new self, which is a profoundly positive experience.

It is a fallacy to assume that humans are perfect beings; rather, we are all born imperfect. Our natural character is shaped by a multitude of factors, including our upbringing, educational environment, parenting style, life experiences, and numerous other variables. These factors collectively influence our development into the individuals we become. During our formative years, we lacked the capacity to make informed decisions about external individuals, objects, and circumstances. Consequently, it is imperative to extend compassion and understanding to ourselves, regardless of our current physical appearance or circumstances. At the moment of our birth, we were all innocent and pure, and we continue to evolve into unique and distinct individuals in this world.

It is imperative to learn to accept oneself. If one is unable to do so, it is unlikely that others will be able to accept them. Accepting oneself can manifest in various ways, including a lack of happiness, a tendency to be petty, sensitivity, conceit, complaining, a bad temper, selfishness, and difficulty in interacting with others.

The acceptance of an imperfect self and the courage to confront one's own dark side are essential for personal growth. Only through facing these aspects of oneself can one fully embrace the light of day, allowing the sunshine to illuminate the shadows within and without. Otherwise, one remains caught in a cycle of conflicting emotions, simultaneously disliking and fearing this aspect of oneself, attempting to hide and cover it up due to the fear of being disliked by others.

Emotions are the least liked and most disliked aspect of human experience, yet they are an inherent and inescapable aspect of our lives. They often evoke feelings of being out of control and frightening, as when they arise, we lose the capacity to regulate our own emotional states. To achieve a state of ease and happiness, it is essential to develop the ability to regulate our emotions.

It is important to understand that the stimuli that elicit emotional responses are not external people, objects, or events, but rather one's perspective and attitude towards these stimuli. Additionally, these responses are influenced by one's current emotional state. As an example, individuals may react differently to the same situation depending on whether they are in a positive or negative emotional state. Consequently, when experiencing emotions, it is not advisable to attempt to suppress them. Instead, it is more beneficial to shift one's focus from external factors to introspection. This involves observing one's thoughts and feelings and understanding their underlying causes. It is essential to accept and acknowledge one's emotions, allowing oneself to fully experience the associated feelings. This process of acceptance and observation can help to alleviate distress. Additionally, identifying the physical sensations associated with these emotions can be beneficial. By paying attention to these sensations, one can gain insight into their emotional state and facilitate a sense of calm. As one learns to connect with their emotions and body, they may find that their emotions gradually dissipate. This process of emotional regulation can also be seen as a form of accumulating inner energy. By taking responsibility for one's emotions, individuals can gain control over their emotional state and respond to external stimuli in a more constructive manner.

It is similarly crucial to remain conscious of one's cognitive processes, behavioural patterns, and belief systems at all times in order to facilitate personal growth.

When one returns home to find no prepared meal, and one's initial reaction is to feel unhappy, it is important to recognize this as a potential indicator of deeper emotional distress. In such instances, it is essential to take a moment to consciously acknowledge the situation and identify the underlying causes. In the absence of a satisfying meal, it is possible to consider a range of alternative options. One might opt to prepare a favorite dish, order takeout, or dine out at a restaurant offering a more appealing selection. It is also important to recognize that external factors, such as a spouse's persistent criticism or a child's slow pace, are beyond one's control. Attempting to alter these circumstances is futile. However, one can take steps to modify one's own emotional state. Once one has addressed these underlying emotions, it becomes possible to express one's thoughts and feelings to one's spouse in a calm and constructive manner. Similarly, when dealing with a child, it is essential to recognize that their developmental pace is unique and to provide them with the necessary time and space to grow. Nagging or pushing a child to perform tasks faster may inadvertently reinforce the habit of being slow. This can lead to further frustration and a deeper sense of inadequacy. It is crucial to understand that perfection is not a realistic or sustainable goal. Instead, it is essential to strive for continuous improvement and to find ways to make one's efforts as effective as possible.

One will discover that if one can alter one's original, habitual thinking, perspective, and attitude, the result will be a significant transformation. It is therefore essential to maintain awareness of one's thoughts and to deliberately modify them. In due course, one will observe a substantial shift in one's life, and a positive trajectory will emerge.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to you. I extend my best wishes to you.

Dear questioner, I imagine it's similar to meeting someone in person when you read their words.

From what you've shared, it seems like you have a good grasp on the root of your feelings. However, it might be helpful to consider ways to express them in a more constructive manner. It's natural to feel hesitant about sharing certain things, but if we don't express our feelings, we might end up feeling unhappy. I want to acknowledge your efforts so far and encourage you to keep up the good work.

If I may, after a moment of calm, I would like to try to help you sort out and resolve the "knot" you mentioned in your description.

At the beginning of your description, you mentioned that "even the smallest thing can make me unhappy." From this sentence, I can feel that you have already started to become aware of yourself, which is an important first step. I'm curious, though, about when you noticed that you had such a reaction.

I hope this line of thinking helps you see that there are often underlying triggers behind any given state. From your description, it seems you've identified some of these triggers, but might be unsure about how to adjust them.

Let's continue our conversation.

You mentioned later that "there is no delicious food at home, my husband nags, the children are slow, I don't handle work very well, I said an inappropriate thing, I complain to the people around me, I am questioned... Every day there are these things that make me unhappy, and it's a vicious cycle. I feel petty, sensitive, conceited, complaining, and have a bad temper. Every time I say something, I regret it afterwards, thinking whether what I said was inappropriate or whether I seemed petty, making the people around me feel that I complain and have complaints about everyone around me." From my perspective, it seems that you have a clear understanding of your expectations, including those for your husband, children, yourself, and colleagues. These expectations, along with your emotions, are fed back to yourself and others. It's understandable that the oppressive atmosphere in communication makes you feel unhappy and irritable, and you long to get out of these negative emotions.

It might not necessarily be the case that "coming out" means "changing."

Perhaps we could consider an alternative word here: adjust.

Perhaps we could consider replacing the question you asked at the end of your description: how do you adjust yourself?

Of course, there are specific ways to adjust, but if I directly list them here, there is a limitation. Everyone's habitual way of adjusting is not exactly the same, so the way I adjust may not necessarily be suitable for you. After all, your own habitual way of adjusting is the most reliable, and I believe you must also have quite a few ways of adjusting yourself.

In light of this, I would like to share a valuable insight about communication. As ordinary individuals, we may not have the capacity to alter the behaviour of others. However, we always have the option to [adjust ourselves]. This process of [adjustment] does not entail [change], but rather allows us to maintain our own identity with a gentle yet firm resolve.

I'd like to offer a few words of advice.

It might be the case that [nagging] and [procrastination] are ways of [seeking attention].

At work, we can set high, low, or moderate standards for ourselves, depending on what we feel is best.

It might be helpful to consider that the depth of communication can be chosen according to one's actual needs.

It is often the case that when we are genuinely interested in something, we are motivated to do it. It is worth noting that there is no absolute right or wrong in this regard, as long as our actions are within the limits of the law.

It might be helpful to try not to base your emotions on the actions of another person. We all have our own way of living that makes us feel comfortable, and so do you.

It is up to each of us to decide whether or not to praise someone, and it is also important to consider our perspective on the situation. When there is a lack of mutual understanding or connection, it may not be the right time or place to offer praise.

It might be helpful to consider that the way we communicate with ourselves is often a reflection of our communication style with others. There is no right or wrong way to do this, and there is no need to change it deliberately. Instead, it could be beneficial to make some adjustments according to different people.

I hope the above responses and sharing can provide some inspiration to help you find a way out of this predicament. May you find peace, authenticity, and determination in the future.

Please take care of yourself.

Good morning, My name is July.

After reviewing your description, I have a better understanding of the question you wish to ask. I would like to extend my support and encouragement in the form of a hug in four dimensions.

From the issues you outlined in your description, it is evident that your current mindset is a result of your reflection on these challenges. This has led to the development of your self-perception, which I commend you for.

It is evident that your current state of mind is unhappy, as you have encountered numerous situations that evoke negative emotions. This emotional suppression is causing discomfort. In particular, when a series of unfavorable events occur consecutively, it can lead to a collapse in emotional stability. It is not uncommon for individuals to experience emotional challenges when they are overwhelmed by negative emotions.

In your description, you mentioned envying other people's approach to problem-solving, communication, and interpersonal relationships. This comparison leads to feelings of inadequacy, as you perceive yourself to be less effective in these areas. This discrepancy can create a psychological gap, prompting you to question your ability to handle situations in the same manner as others.

In light of the above, I have also compiled a list of recommended courses of action to assist in alleviating the current situation.

(1) Attempt to accept yourself as you are, rather than passively evaluating yourself negatively, and instead embrace your authentic self.

(2) When experiencing negative emotions, it is beneficial to engage in activities that facilitate emotional release. These may include sports, conversation, journaling, music, and other forms of relaxation. It is important to avoid prolonged exposure to negative situations.

(3) Attempt to modify your current state of mind, rather than allowing yourself to become overly exposed to negative situations. Instead, direct your attention toward the factors that contribute to your happiness.

(4) Adjust your current state of mind. Adopt a more optimistic attitude to life and work, and avoid allowing negative emotions to affect you unduly.

(5) It is possible to pursue activities that bring you happiness. For instance, you may choose to socialize with friends, enjoy a meal, or engage in leisure activities such as watching dramas and playing games. This is a preferable alternative to spending time in environments that are not conducive to your well-being.

(6) When faced with a negative situation, you can alter your perception of it by considering it from multiple perspectives.

The world and I extend our best wishes to you.

Best regards,

Good day. I am Fei Yun, a mindfulness coach.

I empathize with your current emotional state. You are unable to tolerate the presence of others and are uncertain about the source of your distress. In essence, you experience heightened emotional reactivity and pervasive unhappiness. Consequently, you voice your concerns, which in turn impacts your interpersonal relationships and leads to the emergence of new challenges.

I extend a warm embrace to you. I have also made significant strides on this journey. Let us engage in a collaborative discourse.

1. A tendency towards emotionality can result in a sense of dislike towards oneself.

I will now present my personal growth experience. Prior to marriage, I was frequently regarded as an outsider. Following my marriage, I enjoyed the benefits of a happy family life, yet I was inclined to seek out sources of conflict. My family members frequently sought my guidance, and the atmosphere at home was characterised by a pervasive sense of tension.

As a result of my studies in psychology, I have learned to treat myself by taking the pulse. In addition, I have discovered that our relationships with others are merely a reflection of our relationships with our parents.

In reflecting on my upbringing, I came to recognize that the underlying cause of my emotionality was a lack of security. Security is derived from the relationship between parents and their companionship, as well as the manner in which they raise their children.

A lack of security in an individual is likely to result in the following symptoms: emotional disorders, such as a tendency to lose one's temper easily; behavioral disorders, including a tendency to say one thing but mean another; and interpersonal relationship disorders, manifesting as a tendency to make those around them feel very tense, as well as a tendency to be stubborn and extreme.

Upon recognizing that the root of my emotional issues stemmed from a lack of security, I embarked on a conscious journey of self-healing. One of the key techniques I employed was meditation, which helped me develop the capacity to connect with myself and to love and accept myself.

Additionally, I studied the concept of "psychological nutrition." During childhood, children lack complete independence, and their parents are primarily responsible for providing them with psychological nutrition, including a sense of security, the capacity to love, and the ability to connect with others. As adults, individuals can serve as their own "significant others" and provide themselves with psychological nutrition.

For example, the practice of self-affirmation, self-appreciation, and self-acceptance.

This is an optimal time for spiritual practice and for pursuing improvements and changes.

Everything that occurs is for the optimal outcome. You possess a keen awareness and are able to discern your emotions, actions, and patterns in relationships. These are essential prerequisites for a positive trajectory.

Perception is an effective instrument for facilitating personal growth and maturation. Just as one would not sit on a sharp knife on a sofa, one can also avoid repeating the same mistakes.

One can observe one's own emotions, behaviors, and thought patterns, and thus has the option to either maintain the status quo or to endeavor to effect change.

One of the most effective methods for initiating change is to concentrate on one's existing resources and express gratitude for them.

For example, it is futile to dwell on the deficiencies of one's domestic circumstances, such as the quality of the food or the frequency of one's spouse's criticism. However, it is important to recognize that these factors are not the primary sources of one's spouse's affection. Home and family are the fundamental sources of one's spouse's attachment. Similarly, while one's children may exhibit slower learning curves, they are still better off than those who never learn at all. The fact that one has not yet achieved absolute perfection in one's professional endeavors demonstrates that there is still significant room for improvement.

A change in focus can result in a shift towards positivity, optimism, and energy, facilitating the identification of potential avenues for change. The utilisation of palatable food can serve to capture the attention of one's spouse, thereby influencing their emotional state. Empathy and active listening can be employed to gain insight into the underlying causes of delays. Additionally, the practice of self-compassion, self-love, and the acceptance of imperfections can foster a more balanced and resilient approach to life.

The act of complaining can readily give rise to a sense of frustration. However, when an individual undergoes a process of self-change, it becomes evident that the surrounding environment also undergoes a corresponding transformation.

As the root of all things, you are the fundamental source of all existence.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you and to the world at large. With utmost respect and affection,

Should you wish to continue the discussion, you are invited to click on the link entitled "Find a Heart Exploration Coach," which can be found in the lower right-hand corner of the page. This will enable you to engage in further dialogue with your chosen coach.

Good day, inquirer.

The most crucial objective at this juncture is to embrace one's inherent identity. It is essential to acknowledge that each individual possesses unique imperfections. The pivotal question is not whether these imperfections exist, but how one perceives and responds to them.

In the course of our lives, we encounter a multitude of minor irritations, such as

Upon returning home, I am confronted with a lack of appealing cuisine, the incessant chatter of my spouse, the sluggish pace of my offspring, the imperfect handling of my professional responsibilities, the utterance of an ill-considered remark, the expression of discontent to those in my immediate vicinity, and the interrogation by others. These circumstances collectively contribute to a pervasive sense of unhappiness, which in turn gives rise to a phenomenon I have come to term the "kicking-the-cat effect."

Such individuals may experience feelings of pettiness, sensitivity, conceit, whining, and short-temperedness. Following the utterance of a remark, they may experience regret, wondering if their statement was inappropriate or made them seem petty, and whether those around them perceive them as whiny and full of complaints.

At a fundamental level, humans crave connection and validation, even if it is merely a chance to engage in conversation. It is imperative that we prioritize self-care and self-compassion.

Currently, I am dissatisfied with my personality and behavior in certain situations, particularly when I am experiencing persistent unhappiness. I am disinterested in my surroundings and am reluctant to engage in communication with individuals or topics that fail to capture my attention.

At times, I perceive myself to be a self-centered individual, engaging in behaviors that align with my personal interests or serve my own benefit. I observe individuals who possess the ability to interact with others in a harmonious and effective manner, and I find myself envying their capacity for communication.

Similarly, I perceive my own praise to be insincere, and I often find myself identifying negative qualities in myself. Is this an indication of self-centeredness?

The question then becomes how one might alter their own personality. It is, of course, impossible to cease all verbal communication, and even if one were able to do so, it would still be challenging to change one's fundamental personality traits, which are deeply ingrained.

It would be beneficial to identify positive aspects of our personalities. Currently, we may be experiencing fatigue and a lack of emotional outlets. We recognize that we have dedicated significant efforts to our family and children, and although we have not yet received any tangible rewards,

It is not challenging to identify the minor positive aspects of life. Our actions and behaviors may diverge from the conventional expectations of ourselves, yet this does not imply a deficiency in our worth. It simply signifies that we have aspirations and strive to surpass our perceived limitations and pursue continuous growth. Should we not be acknowledged more for this?

One may attempt to identify ten positive attributes, verbalize them, and engage in collective affirmation. However, it is also possible to perceive only one's shortcomings and deficiencies without introspection into one's intrinsic needs.

It is important to be aware of oneself in the present moment, allow oneself sufficient time to process this awareness, and proceed at a gradual pace. One should endeavor to alter those aspects of oneself that can be modified in the present moment, while simultaneously accepting those aspects that cannot be altered.

For those seeking to improve their communication skills, two excellent resources are "Nonviolent Communication" and "The Art of Language." It is also essential to focus on self-improvement.

The reason for this is that our own aura is not sufficiently robust. Once we have learned to love ourselves, those around us will love us more.

I wish you the best of luck and a pleasant night. I am grateful for the opportunity to engage with psychology, the world, and you. I love you.

Hello, young lady. I can see you're feeling a bit confused right now, so I just wanted to give you a hug!

I believe what you are experiencing now are some growth issues. If it would be helpful, I would be more than happy to give you a warm hug again.

For a while, I experienced some challenges in my self-perception.

At that time, my mother had recently passed away, and my husband was insistent on relocating to Shanghai to work in his hometown.

At that time, I was in my hometown of Hong Kong, and I had the opportunity to navigate a transition period of one and a half years.

At that time, I was going through a challenging period. It so happened that a very good friend from college recommended that I speak with her psychologist.

During my first consultation, the counselor kindly suggested some coping methods.

As an example, one might consider keeping a gratitude journal.

It might be helpful to consider some of the topics on this platform, such as recording three good things every day.

I would like to encourage you to praise yourself today. You are doing a great job.

I believe that if you write about some of the good things that happen around you every day, it will help you to have a more positive outlook on life.

I truly hope that a solution to the problem you're facing will be found soon.

I hope I have provided you with some helpful insights. I wish you the best in finding a solution to your problem.

I hope my above answers are helpful and inspiring to you, young lady. I am the respondent, and I study hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world. Wishing you the best!

Hello, my dear friend. I can imagine that you are feeling very distressed right now, as if the unhappiness is surrounding you and will not go away, and you want to escape from it. I have also been through such a stage, so I would like to share my views with you and wish you to find the love in your heart.

The outside world is just a reflection of your inner world. All that you are experiencing right now is just to help you see how you feel, sweetheart.

It's not the outside world that makes you unhappy, sweetheart. It's the fact that you have a lot of unhappy feelings and a lot of emotions that have accumulated inside you and have not been resolved.

The outside world is just a trigger. It won't cause you any problems unless you're a bit of a hot head!

So, the first step to making a change is to go within yourself to resolve your emotions. When you are happy and at peace in body and mind, the outside world cannot influence you.

It's okay to accept that you're not happy right now. It's also okay to accept that you're a little petty, sensitive, conceited, a whiner, and have a bad temper.

This can really help you restore inner peace. When you look back on your life, you'll see that when you yell about something you want to do, it's often not done.

When you accept yourself, wonderful things will start to happen!

Happiness and unhappiness go together, my friend. They are two sides of the same coin. When you reject your unhappiness, you also reject the feeling of happiness.

So when you accept and embrace your sadness, you'll also feel the joy that comes with happiness.

Then, treat yourself to the things that make you feel happy and joyful. Share the love you feel with others, and you'll be amazed at how life changes for the better without you even noticing!

Dear Question Asker, From your description, I can ascertain that you are a thoughtful, positive, and perceptive mother.

Furthermore, you aspire to be a paragon of virtue. Is this accurate?

Your words accurately describe the situation. You become upset over minor issues on a daily basis, which leads to you expressing your frustration to those around you. This has created a cycle that makes you feel that your life is somewhat unsatisfactory.

It appears that there is a perception that your husband and children do not fully comprehend your needs, do not prioritize your well-being, and do not recognize your contributions. This has led to feelings of depression, frustration, and helplessness, is that an accurate assessment?

[Emotional expression] You perceive yourself as petty, sensitive, conceited, a complainer, and prone to anger. I observe that you are highly self-critical and regret your words frequently. You are not afraid to express your thoughts, but I sense that these emotions make you feel somewhat uneasy, correct?

[Self-denial] You have identified instances where you feel your personality and behavior are less than ideal, particularly when you are experiencing persistent negative emotions. You have also noted instances where you perceive yourself as being particularly selfish. I observe that you are highly critical and harsh with yourself, demonstrating a reluctance to accept your current self. It appears that you are experiencing some level of entanglement and disgust.

It is evident that you are experiencing difficulties in communicating effectively. This is negatively impacting your relationships. How can you address this issue?

Firstly, it is important to accept yourself as you are. I can also see that you have a clear understanding of yourself. Then, with this self-understanding, accept yourself, both the good and the bad. This is you, the whole you, not the perfect you.

Secondly, there is a commonly held belief that states: if you want others to treat you a certain way, you should first treat them in the way you want to be treated. It is often helpful to put yourself in the shoes of others and consider how you would feel if the roles were reversed.

Furthermore, when expressing your thoughts, it is advisable to first address your emotions. When emotions arise, it is recommended to count to five silently, take a deep breath, and then express your thoughts and feelings. For example, "Honey, your cooking is not up to par, which makes me a little disappointed and angry..." rather than complaining, "What kind of cooking is that? It's not up to standard. You really don't give me any peace of mind..."

It is also important to recognize and appreciate your own strengths and qualities. Prioritize your well-being and self-care.

First, let's ask ourselves: do we really want to change? And how much are we willing to pay for change?

It's totally normal to feel confused about whether you really want to change. We all have dreams of a good job, but it can be scary to find a way to get one. And we all want to make progress, but it can be hard to step out of our comfort zone and take that first step.

It's okay if you want to change just to avoid feeling dissatisfied with life. We all do that from time to time. But what I want to tell you is that you're not really wanting to change if you're just doing it to avoid feeling bad. You have to know what you want to change and why you want to change it. And you have to know what you like about yourself.

I'm here to tell you that there are only a few simple steps to achieving a goal!

1. Make a decision. I really decide to do it.

2. Now, let's find ways to accomplish this goal! What are some direct or indirect methods we could try?

3. Go ahead and start taking action!

4. And remember, keep going until you get there!

But, as we all know, the result isn't always what we want. We want to be sure that we can achieve our goals before we take the plunge and start acting.

We're all willing to find a way to act, but only after knowing how to act. And we're willing to decide to do it only after having a way and being sure that this way can achieve the goal. This gives us a series of dilemmas: if I am not sure that I will achieve it, I cannot decide to do it.

I think this is one of the reasons why we've been struggling. It's so hard to know what to do, to find a way out, to make sense of things. I know it's because we haven't yet decided to do it.

Secondly, we find the status quo painful and confusing. Thankfully, this pain is currently bearable.

Change is a word we're not super familiar with, right? It's okay! We just need to think about why we should change, what we should change, what we should do, and what methods are available. Instead of thinking about these things, we sometimes find it better to resign ourselves to the status quo and endure the relatively little pain.

It's okay if you don't know what to do or how to change. The reason someone doesn't change is often because they haven't made up their mind to do so. It's natural to feel this way. You don't need to know everything before you start. Just decide to make a change and you'll find the way.

In the end, I just want to say that reality is never cruel. What is a shame is that we've lost a bit of our psychological strength to change and formed a state of learned helplessness. When we're not willing to regain our psychological strength and find ways to change, we end up blaming reality for being cruel instead.

So, to sum up, the most difficult part of change is not implementing a method, but making a decision. And that's okay! Making a decision to change is the most important step in the process of going from 0 to 1.

Hello, sweetie. I'm here for you. I see you're feeling a little down on yourself. I'm sorry to hear that. Remember what Adler said: "The greatest misfortune for a person is not liking oneself." From what you've told me, it seems like you're not so much disliking yourself as you are your current emotional state. I can see that you're feeling a bit blue. Let me try to use Adler's individual psychology theory to discuss with you what's wrong with you and where you are stuck, okay?

Adler's teleology holds that human behavior is purposeful. Even the smallest thing can make you unhappy.

"So, your goal isn't to be happy, right? I don't think you do. But who's to blame if there's no good food at home?

I'm not sure who cooks in your family, but have you had a chance to tell them what you'd like to eat? If not, who are you feeling frustrated with?

If a child is procrastinating, it could be because they're not in a hurry, don't want to do it, or don't want to be rushed. It's all about them! If you're feeling unhappy, it might be because your own anxieties have been activated.

(At this point, you have something annoying at work.) Let's try a different approach! Instead of focusing on the problem, let's choose to focus on happiness. Look, with the same problem, what would you choose to do?

For example, if you want to eat something delicious when you get home, you can tell your family what to cook or buy it yourself for the family to share. If your child procrastinates, you can tell them that they have to bear the consequences of their own actions. If your husband nags, you can either ignore him or give a positive response, for example, "I see, thanks for the reminder." In this way, what difference will the feedback we get make?

I think we'd all feel better, don't you? In the long run, communication at home will enter a positive emotional cycle. But I know that this is not an easy task. It requires good awareness and deliberate practice to achieve it. This is a test of our patience. I am also doing this kind of debugging in my life.

According to Adler, human troubles often stem from our relationships with others. And it's so important to have good relationships with others! There are three key elements to having good interpersonal relationships: self-acceptance, trust in others, and contribution to others. If we don't accept ourselves, it can be really hard for others to accept us, too.

First, let's accept ourselves as we are, with all our imperfections and quirks. We're all imperfect, and that's okay! Second, let's try our best at everything we do. If we don't achieve our goal, that's okay too. We'll have done our best, and that's something to be proud of. Third, when we accept ourselves, others will accept us for who we really are.

When we accept ourselves, it's easier to trust others. We can have faith that our partners are imperfect, just like us. But by working together, we can succeed and help others. We can also find our own value. I think everyone wants to feel like they're doing a good job at work. It's a way to feel good about ourselves.

This requires a high level of personal ability and a good cooperative atmosphere. It's so important to have a clear understanding of your personal abilities and qualities. Know what you can do well and what you cannot do well. And remember, some things are not a matter of one person but require the assistance of others. We all make mistakes. It's understandable to say, "The work was not handled perfectly." But it's not so easy to say, "I said an inappropriate thing, complained to the people around me, and was questioned..." This is a problem with our cooperation or trust in others. If we notice this happening, we should correct ourselves and repair the relationship. Everything will return to a good cycle of interaction. If you just immerse yourself in complaining and can't extricate yourself, it means that you have chosen not to face it and solve it. This will only make the problem worse.

Good interpersonal relationships are all about having clear boundaries and being able to separate issues. When we separate issues, we simply mean that whoever is affected by an action is responsible for it.

We all have to take responsibility for our own choices. Many of the problems we have in our relationships come from getting too involved with other people or having our boundaries crossed by others.

It's only natural to seek out what we enjoy and avoid what we don't. But it's also wise to consider the impact our actions have on others. You say you're a self-centered person who only cares about what interests you and benefits you. You don't seem interested in what's going on around you. But it's important to figure out what you need to focus on and what you can let go of. This helps you maintain boundaries and avoid causing trouble with others.

It's totally understandable that you don't want to communicate with people and things that don't interest you. We all have our own preferences! But it's also natural to envy those who are able to get along with others and communicate well. I can see that you're interested in learning some workplace communication skills. It's great that you're open to learning and growth! Just like your colleagues who usually praise others at any time, but "I feel that my praise comes from my heart." It's so important to be genuine in our praise. We should never do things against our conscience. I agree with you on this point. Sometimes when we look at beautiful people and things with a discerning eye, our mood will improve. Learning to praise is also a way to contribute to others' emotional well-being, which is essential for strong interpersonal relationships. Have you noticed this?

It's so freeing to see every life without judgment, whether we like it or not. It broadens our perspective and makes it less likely that we'll be bothered by boring people or things. We also find a sense of emotional belonging and spiritual joy in the crowd. Your self-worth will also increase as a result. I'm excited to see what your life will look like when you start embracing your awakening self-worth and increased self-awareness! You've got this!

As previously stated, character is intrinsic and therefore challenging to alter. Those who espouse methods for modifying character and recount their personal experiences with such methods are not offering verifiable evidence. Many individuals believe they have undergone a transformation, yet if they possess sufficient self-awareness, they will recognize that they remain fundamentally unchanged.

Frequently, individuals are dissatisfied with certain character traits, yet it is not the traits themselves that are inherently flawed. Rather, it is the constant internal conflict and self-hatred that arise from resisting one's own character. This internal strife is akin to a constant battle with oneself, which ultimately drains one's energy and leads to exhaustion.

If one can live in harmony with one's character, the negative effects of one's character will not be as strongly stimulated. This can be likened to the effect of allowing steam to escape from boiling water: the damage caused will be less severe. However, if one covers the boiling water and prevents the steam from escaping, the damage caused will be significantly more severe. This is analogous to the way in which we currently treat our own character. If one is unable to control one's character, one may feel a deep sense of powerlessness.

It exerts control over the individual, yet the individual is unable to exert control over it.

It is recommended that one observe their thoughts and emotions with greater frequency and attention. When one's character manifests, it is advised to observe it in a tranquil manner, without engaging in resistance. Simply observe. There is no need for action. One's inner self will operate with wisdom on its own. At the moment of insight, a voice may emerge, proclaiming, "Wow, so that's what I'm like." In an instant, one's complaints and irritability may dissipate.

It is common to attempt to alter one's circumstances. It would be beneficial to inquire of others whether the desired change has occurred. It is possible that the change has not occurred, despite the individual's belief to the contrary.

It is as though an introvert is inherently incapable of becoming an extrovert. Alternatively, it could be postulated that the day we reconcile with our character traits is the day we truly let go of the burden they place upon us, and they cease to affect us as strongly.