Every time I get angry, my mother asks me why. Is the teacher really that impatient?

Hello, questioner! You asked, "Do you just want to think about this matter and become kinder to others in the future, but the teacher..."

I'm not quite sure what to make of your question, but I admire you for sharing your issues and giving me a chance to reflect and respond. Let's take a closer look at your question together.

You said that every time you get angry, your mother asks you why you are angry. Just because someone or something is wrong, you can't get angry. Just because other people are manipulating you, do you have to grovel and please them? Other people's actions and words have already irritated you, made you lose your cool, made you so angry that you feel dizzy.

For instance, there was a time in class when the teacher couldn't teach well (in your opinion). You understand that in this society, everyone is working quickly and under a lot of pressure. However, as a student, she was not only very impatient with you as a teacher, but also extremely irritable and mean. She formed an opinion of you based on her own assumptions and then criticized you from that perspective.

However, you learned from her, and you were afraid that she would get upset with you and not be able to teach you. You also told her that you could do with a little patience and that you could ignore her nagging.

She asked you to go to the teacher in charge, and she said she would scold you and disagree with you. She said if you were like that, you were no good as a student. She didn't know how to learn from your teacher. Then she said she wouldn't study if she didn't want to, got angry, rolled up her things and threw them on the floor, rubbed them together, then hit something and gave me a face full of anger. She walked out, and you thought at the time that she was really something. You were thinking of walking away.

But the person in charge didn't know what was going on. He went up to ask the teacher, and the teacher was just...

It seems like you're feeling a bit confused and have had some issues in your relationships with others.

From what you've said, it seems like you've had a bit of trouble getting along with others. It's possible that your mother didn't take the time to calmly analyze the problem with you together. What should you do to correct it?

She may be taking the attitude of most Chinese parents, feeling helpless. It's great that you're taking the initiative to raise your own problems. In life, work, and study, we'll always encounter problems. It's not scary to encounter a problem, and the most important thing is that we face our problems head-on. You're facing your problem head-on by raising it.

Society is a complex training ground. Interpersonal relationships can be simple or difficult, depending on the individual. It all depends on how a person thinks when they encounter a problem. As cognitive behavioral therapy in psychology says, a person's perception determines their behavior. When others disagree with us, if we think about seeking common ground while reserving differences and allowing others to have different opinions, then how can we absorb the good elements from our different perspectives?

If we think about it, how can he think that way? He should think the same as he thinks. His thoughts are obviously wrong, but in life, there is no such thing as right or wrong. There are just different stances, different perspectives, different internal values, etc.

Questioner, I hope you're well! I hope my answer is helpful to you!

I love the world and I love you!

Good day, my name is Strawberry.

From the questioner's statements, it is evident that there is a strong emotional response to this matter. When the questioner's mother inquires about the source of the questioner's anger, it is clear that the questioner's mother is also concerned about the questioner's well-being. While I am unaware of the tone and attitude used by the questioner's mother during the questioning process, it is apparent that her objective was to gain insight into the questioner's perspective on the matter and the underlying causes and circumstances.

The teacher is unable to approve.

The teacher who taught the questioner is the one who brought the questioner's emotions. It is evident that the teacher cannot approve of some of her actions. The questioner's anger can be attributed to her respect for the profession of teaching and the teacher's role as a role model for imparting correct education and knowledge.

However, the teacher's actions have undermined the author's expectations. Some of the teaching methods are not viable. Given the teacher's lack of competence, it is questionable whether she should be teaching at all.

In the event that the questioner is unable to recognize it, it can be said that the questioner has expectations of this teacher and hopes that the teacher can achieve a certain level. This could be a teaching method that suits the questioner and is easy for them to accept, or a gentler attitude. Every teacher has their own teaching method, just as we all have our own learning methods in our studies. If the situation is truly unacceptable, it may be necessary to consider changing to another teacher.

It is important to be able to distinguish between right and wrong.

During our growth process, we will encounter many teachers. We cannot guarantee that every teacher is correct. Many people have more or less their own problems. In the intense interaction between the questioner and the teacher, it can be seen that the teacher is dissatisfied with the questioner.

Given my limited understanding of the situation, I am unable to make a definitive assessment of the facts. However, as a teacher, I am aware that I should not allow myself to become unprofessional or engage in actions that could be detrimental to the students in my care.

As an educator, it is imperative to utilize more effective methods that can persuade students. In instances where the teacher is not readily available for replacement, the student's primary objective should be to discern right from wrong, absorb the knowledge imparted by the teacher, and choose to disregard the teacher's character and behavior.

It is important to accept your emotions.

The questioner indicated that the teacher stated the questioner had imposed her thoughts on her and commented on her. Could this be the result of a misunderstanding between the two of you? It may be helpful to review the circumstances that led to this dissatisfaction.

The questioner should be commended for her courage in expressing her emotions in the face of injustice. Her persistence ultimately led to a change in the teacher's attitude, ensuring that the questioner received fair treatment in her subsequent studies.

It is normal to accept your emotions and have different emotions when encountering various things. You can also learn related knowledge by reading "Awesome people have long since quit their emotions." I recommend this book to the question asker. Learning does not mean that we actually quit our emotions, but that we can better manage our emotions and learn to face and solve problems more calmly.

I hope this information is useful to the questioner. Best regards,

Dear Questioner, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name]

I am an expert in active listening. I am pleased to have this opportunity to meet with you.

Given your history of experiencing negative events, including instances where a teacher was impatient and treated you poorly, it is understandable that you would feel discomfort. It is likely that there are numerous other instances that have caused you distress. However, your mother, who is your closest confidant, may not fully comprehend your feelings, which could contribute to feelings of depression.

First, allow me to extend a warm embrace.

Your mother is likely viewing the situation from an adult perspective and may be inclined to believe that the issue is not as significant as it seems, that students are expected to adhere to their teachers' instructions, that teachers are always correct, and that children may not possess the same level of understanding as adults.

Furthermore, parents often overlook the importance of their child's emotions.

It is understandable that you may find this challenging and frustrating. However, you are a capable individual who can effectively manage these challenges. When you encounter difficulties, you can seek guidance from a professional psychological platform, which can provide a constructive space to address your concerns.

Additionally, there is the conflict with your teacher and with your mother, who lacks understanding. There are also the issues themselves, as well as the reasons for your communication style. We often admire successful people who can resolve conflicts beautifully, and most of them have mastered the art of communication.

In the event that you encounter a similar situation again, you can use a few simple steps:

Describe the problem in an objective manner.

Please describe your emotional state.

Please state your expectations.

A few simple steps can have a very positive effect on stabilizing the emotions of both parties and finding a mutually beneficial solution. If you are interested in this method, you can continue to find information online, such as communication methods, emotional management methods, and so on.

It is also important to consider the positive aspects of the situation. For instance, when a parent asks a child why they are angry, it is often because they want to understand the situation better and show concern for their child.

It should be noted that the teacher in question was not present during the incident in question.

It is accurate to conclude that the teacher treated you poorly. However, the underlying motivation is likely to be a desire for you to study harder. What would the teacher gain from this? Ultimately, you would benefit the most.

I am an enthusiastic answerer, a psychological listener, an offline consultant, a health manager, a nutritionist, and a traditional Chinese medicine enthusiast. I am committed to learning and acquiring knowledge to better navigate life's challenges. I also strive to summarize my experiences to assist others, and I am confident that I can be of service to you.

Good morning, question asker!

I admire your proactive approach to asking questions!

In life, we will inevitably encounter people who evoke strong emotions in us.

We also have a lot of different emotions.

I would be delighted to walk you through this process and hope it will be a source of comfort and inspiration for you.

1. It might be helpful to pay attention to and try to understand your emotions.

While it is true that anger is often caused by other people, for example, a teacher who is impatient and even attacks your character, it is also important to consider other factors.

I think it's fair to say that we feel quite annoyed and confused.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the situation from a different perspective. For instance, you might try to understand her point of view that "Everyone in this society works very fast and is under a lot of pressure." When you think this way, do you feel better?

Could I ask who told you that there are some people and some behaviors that are so wrong that you can't even get angry? It seems to me that people are taking advantage of you. Do you feel you have to grovel and ingratiate yourself with her?

Some people may find it challenging to express their anger and try to meet the expectations of everyone involved.

Needless to say, there are ways to approach this differently.

This may be related to one's upbringing and beliefs.

Perhaps we could try to become more aware of our emotions and try to understand ourselves better.

When we feel angry, it is often because someone's words or actions have not met our expectations.

It seems that our needs are not being met.

For instance, we might hope that our teacher will be patient with us, teach us well, and maintain a calm demeanor.

When she doesn't behave in this way, it's natural to feel angry.

It would be beneficial for us to learn to understand ourselves when we have emotions.

It would be beneficial to find ways to comfort ourselves, to find ways to resolve the conflict that are suitable for us, and to offer ourselves comfort.

2. It could be said that relationships are the result of interactions and learning to communicate.

There are many books and courses on communication.

It seems fair to say that communication is important to us all.

It would be fair to say that communication is an essential part of our lives.

"Every time I get angry, my mother asks me why I'm angry." This could be seen as a form of communication.

It might be said that a conflict with a teacher is also a form of communication.

This kind of communication could perhaps be viewed as a conflict.

Conflict can be defined as an explosive verbal interaction between two people that is extremely aggressive and angry.

It is natural for people in conflict to want to express their point of view.

Sometimes, things can get a bit out of hand and turn into an attack on the person.

At this juncture, it seems that the usual channels of communication have been temporarily disrupted.

At this point, it might be helpful to acknowledge the other person's actions and express your frustration.

It is also possible that the teacher may be the same.

Normal communication is typically expressed and accepted in a gentle manner.

It is important to remember that what the other person receives is often more significant than what we send.

If I may, I would like to share with you an important process in communication.

The first step is to listen. What are you hearing?

Perhaps you felt something?

Could you please share how the teacher's words made you feel?

Step 2 is about analysing and understanding the reasons behind the other person's actions.

Step 3 is about how we can organize ourselves.

Step 4 is about learning how to express ourselves in a way that is constructive and beneficial to all involved.

Perhaps if we can react more slowly when we encounter conflicts in the future, it might lead to a different outcome.

Nobody is perfect.

It is possible that there are some issues with teachers.

Perhaps we could consider the purpose of our coming here and how we can better and more happily achieve our goals, which might be a more constructive approach than arguing about right and wrong.

If you feel so inclined, please feel free to share these.

If it is of interest to you, you may wish to consider reading Nonviolent Communication and Understanding Anger, which could provide a valuable new perspective.

I wish you the best!

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to reach out and say hello to you, my child.

I can perceive your emotions despite the physical distance between us. The situation with your teacher has caused you significant distress, and your mother advised you to maintain composure. This internal conflict is causing you discomfort. You were correct to prioritize your feelings in this matter, and your mother's hope that you can manage your emotions is well-intentioned. However, you may not fully comprehend the connection between the two.

Let's resolve this issue with the help of psychological knowledge.

[Organism Evaluation Process and Defense Model]

Humanistic psychologist Carl Rogers posits that infants evaluate situations based on their intrinsic feelings, rather than external influences. In other words, they prioritize their own emotional state over that of others. This process, known as the organism evaluation process, is an internal compass that guides individuals towards self-realization.

When individuals place trust in their inner guidance, they are free to pursue experiences that are beneficial to their personal growth and development.

From your description, it is evident that you place a high degree of trust in your inner feelings. When you perceived that the teacher was losing patience with you, you were able to identify and express your emotions in a courageous manner. However, your actions also resulted in an escalation of the situation with the teacher. Without knowing your age, grade, or the subject this teacher teaches, it is difficult to ascertain the specifics of the situation. However, it is not uncommon for teachers who are highly skilled in their subject matter to also exhibit weaknesses in emotional management. If they have a low sense of self-worth and encounter challenges or provocations from others, they may interpret these as aggressive behaviors. In such instances, they may resort to defensive mechanisms such as losing their temper and reacting aggressively.

[Defense mechanism]

Defense mechanisms, also known as defense measures, refer to some common psychological defense modes that people develop in the face of conflicts. Defense against conflict is a function of psychological self-soothing. According to psychoanalytic theory, when the id (instinctual desires) and the superego (sense of morality) are in opposition and cannot be reconciled, a conflict arises. A strong superego leads to a sense of guilt and the suppression of instinctual desires, which in turn creates an internal conflict and leads to internal anxiety.

Psychological defense is an attempt by the individual to avoid internal anxiety and painful experiences. Common defense mechanisms include repression, resistance, rationalization, justification, isolation and replacement, reverse projection, sublimation fantasies, etc. Defense mechanisms can be observed in the mental activities of any individual. The defining characteristic of neurotic defense is the overly rigid use of certain defense modes, which is a subconscious process.

Gaining insight into the defense mechanisms of others can also facilitate understanding of our own. Some individuals utilize sadness as a defense against anger, while others employ anger as a defense against sadness. Some people defend against deep-seated shame, while others attempt to eliminate guilt.

Some individuals possess a diverse array of defense skills, while others rely on a limited set of mechanisms. As adults, teachers are expected to take responsibility for their actions. However, when a mother offers guidance, it's crucial to assess whether the individual's defense mechanism is overly simplistic.

In light of these considerations, I have also reflected on my own behavior. I have identified that I am prone to expressing frustration when I perceive that others are not acting in accordance with my expectations. This frustration may be a manifestation of a deeper sense of "omnipotent control." When circumstances deviate from my expectations, I tend to experience feelings of annoyance and anxiety. My understanding of psychology has helped me recognize that every individual possesses unique thoughts and characteristics. This realization has enabled me to gradually let go of the need to control others and to accept that not all relationships will be comfortable. When expectations for a relationship are not met, I have learned to let go of the desire to change the other person and to find alternative ways to satisfy my needs.

If you focus on relationships and experience persistent negative emotions, it can lead to mental depletion.

The teacher's criticism and impatience make you feel unaccepted and unappreciated. There is no direct relationship between your needs and the defense mode that they habitually adopt. It is precisely because you subconsciously have expectations of her (teachers also have expectations of students, and also hope to be accepted, recognized, and approved by you) that you will feel deeply disappointed and sad when your psychological needs are not met, and you will pick up anger as a weapon to defend against your inner conflict. You can always get this kind of psychological satisfaction from someone at school or at home. Then separate your need for knowledge from your need for praise. Spend more time with the people who can show you positive and unconditional attention and acceptance.

It is unlikely that you will receive the approval you seek from your teachers, as the majority of educators still adhere to the outdated notion of repressive education, which posits that strict disciplinary measures are necessary to instill discipline in children. It is, therefore, necessary for you to satisfy this aspect of your psychological needs independently. It is recommended that you appreciate yourself on a daily basis and give yourself a mental pat on the back each time you make an effort or demonstrate growth. Spending time with the people and things you love is an effective way to demonstrate self-love.

As one gains experience and grows older, one will increasingly discover that self-satisfaction leads to self-realization. The external factors that contribute to our personal growth, including significant others in our lives, can be considered supplementary. Only when we achieve self-acceptance and self-satisfaction can we successfully achieve self-realization.

My name is Zhang Huili, and I am the Sunshine Dolphin. I hope my response is helpful to you. Should you have any further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Hello, I'm a Heart Detective coach. I can help you with this. It seems like every time you get angry, your mother asks you why you're angry. It's because your teacher is very impatient with you.

1⃣️I took the time to read your text carefully and reorganized it.

It seems like every time you get angry, it's because you feel like your teacher is doing something wrong. You feel like your teacher is manipulating you, and you don't want to fawn over them. Your teacher's actions and words irritate you, which makes you feel especially angry, even to the point of dizziness. You feel like your teacher is hurting you.

You gave an example to show how angry you were. During one class, you felt that your teacher wasn't teaching you enough. I don't know if you showed some dissatisfaction with your teacher in class or other behaviors because of this, which you didn't specify.

I can see that you understand the pressure teachers face at work. You can see that you're a child who considers the teacher's situation and you can understand the hard work and difficulty of the teaching profession.

But at the same time, you feel like she's impatient with you as a student and tends to be short with you. It seems like she's attacking you as a person with her own negative perceptions of you, which makes you feel angry, aggrieved, and sad. You think that a teacher should respect the feelings of their students and not treat you as a student with malicious intentions.

You thought she might not want to teach you anymore because she always criticized you like that. You hoped she'd be a little more patient with you and ignore your shortcomings so you could continue learning the subject from her. Instead, she scolded you and disagreed with your proposal.

You told her that if she wasn't willing to change, you didn't know how you could learn from her. She then said that if you didn't want to learn, you wouldn't learn, and angrily rolled up her things and threw them on the ground, rubbing them together. She then hit something angrily and gave you a look, and walked out. You thought that a capable teacher would never say such harsh things to a student.

You thought about leaving and not studying with her, but the person in charge went up to ask the teacher, and then you thought that things would become friendlier in the future. By friendlier, do you mean that the teacher's attitude towards you will improve?

2⃣️I can still picture the whole scene in my mind.

I saw that a student wasn't happy with the teacher's teaching level. In the middle of it all, the student may have done or said something that made the teacher feel disrespected, and the teacher got angry, which led to some negative comments about the student.

The teacher was really aggressive towards the student, attacking and berating him, which made the student angry too. The student felt that the teacher was attacking him with malicious speculation and that he was not only unqualified as a teacher but also had no teaching ability.

However, the student didn't want to be treated like that by the teacher, so he spoke up right away to try to get the teacher to change their attitude and be nicer to him.

The teacher stuck to their guns and kept on berating the student, lashing out verbally. It's likely that the teacher felt disrespected and pressured by the student, which made them feel humiliated and undermined their self-esteem.

The student said that if the teacher kept treating them this way, they wouldn't know how to learn from them.

The teacher felt provoked and threatened by the student at the moment. The teacher felt that the student not only disrespected him, but also tried to make the teacher compromise by making conditions. The teacher believed that the student did not respect the teacher and the teaching profession. The teacher felt that his self-esteem had been seriously damaged. Therefore, the teacher displayed even more angry behavior.

A good teacher, according to the student, should be fairer, more patient, and more tolerant of students, and should be able to control their emotions and behavior. Otherwise, they're not worthy of being a good teacher. When a third party, the person in charge, intervenes, the student still hopes the relationship can be fixed.

3⃣️ Coping strategies

Looking back on this situation, I've been thinking about how these teachers' inner worlds are part of a whole other experience that the person asking the question might not be able to fully grasp from their perspective as a student.

I'm not saying the teacher did the right thing. From a third-party perspective, I can see more than I would if I were on the teacher's side.

There's always an underlying need driving every behavior, especially anger, which usually stems from fear.

When we get angry, we often stop thinking about what we really need and start defending ourselves against the other person. This is our way of protecting the vulnerable part of our heart and our self-esteem.

The questioner wants to be treated with more patience, respect, and tolerance by the teacher. They also want to be treated more fairly and objectively.

When the questioner's needs weren't met, the questioner switched to a communication style that expressed hope for change and made a request for a different attitude from the other party. No agreement was reached, but instead the questioner was attacked even more, so the questioner felt even more anger, and the conflict escalated.

Empathy and the techniques of non-violent communication are important in interpersonal relationships. I suggest reading the books "Non-Violent Communication," "Empathy," and "Is Everything My Fault?" to help you understand how problems in relationships arise and what you can do to maintain a better relationship.

Nonviolent communication is all about:

1. Share your observations without passing judgment.

2. Share your thoughts and feelings.

3. Be clear about what you need.

And finally, express your requests and expect the other person to do them, rather than demanding that they do them.

Let me give you an example.

Teacher, I see that you've been giving me a hard time.

I feel aggrieved and angry. I don't think I'm as bad as you say. I feel hurt.

I hope you can respect me as a student and treat me better.

Teacher, please don't use such ugly words with me anymore, okay?

The questioner can practice non-violent communication in a way that works for them, starting with self-talk and then gradually applying it to their relationships with others.

If you can identify what's causing your anger and acknowledge your own vulnerability, it might help to calm down.

I hope this helps. If you want to talk more, just click below to find a coach to chat with, or ask a question online. You can also chat with me one-on-one about Heart Exploration. Good luck!

My child, I'm so proud of you for coming here and asking a question. It shows that you're very courageous and that you're actively looking for ways to solve the confusion you encounter. I think that's really great!

My mom is really curious about why you get angry. I know it can be hard when other people's actions or words make you feel irritated to the point of getting angry. My mom is just trying to understand why you feel the way you do. I know it can be tough when we feel misunderstood.

I totally get where you're coming from. When we're faced with something that makes us angry, it's natural to want others, especially our loved ones, to understand us and empathize with us.

Maybe your mom is looking at things from her grown-up perspective and thinks you should do this and that!

My mom might not be able to empathize with you, but that doesn't mean she doesn't care. It might just be a skill she hasn't learned yet!

Oh, that teacher! She can't teach herself, bless her heart! I can understand that in this fast-paced world, everyone is under a lot of pressure.

But as a student, she is not only impatient with me, but also as a teacher, she is very impatient.

Oh, what does she think of me? All kinds of thoughts were racing through her mind, and then she attacked me as a person!

However, I learned a lot from her. I was afraid that if she lost her temper with me, she wouldn't be able to teach me, so I tried to be as respectful as possible.

I even tried to explain to her that I would really appreciate it if she could be a little patient and ignore the criticisms she has of me.

I think you should go find the subject of continuing education!

She said she scolded me, which I don't think is quite right.

I said, "If you're like this, I'm also a student, and I don't know how to learn from your teacher!" Then she said she wouldn't learn if she didn't want to, and rolled her things up in anger.

She threw the books on the ground and rubbed them, then hit something and got angry, gave me a look, and walked out. I thought to myself, "Oh dear, if you're so awesome, why are you like this?"

Oh, she's not the best teacher, is she?

I was even thinking of leaving, but the person in charge didn't know what was going on either.

I think you should go up and ask the teacher if you're also thinking about whether you should start being friendly after this incident.

I see you mentioned the person in charge here. I'm wondering if the teacher you're talking about is a private tutor?

I can see you've had some concerns from the start. Is that right?

Have you had a chance to chat with your mom about this? I'm curious to know how she reacted.

I'm really curious to know what your attitude towards the teacher is when you feel like this.

I'm sure you're wondering what this teacher is like with other students.

We all get emotional sometimes. It's only natural! But when we do, our anger can rise rapidly, to the point where we can't think rationally.

It's called emotional brain control of our rational brain. It's totally normal to feel angry when we're upset. It seems like you and the teacher were both feeling pretty frustrated at the time, and it's okay to say things you don't mean when you're feeling that way!

Maybe the teacher is still learning how to manage her emotions too, and that's why she acted the way she did.

In this situation, there's no right or wrong. We can only say that we could have handled things a little differently and that some conflicts and contradictions could have been resolved!

I hope this little bit of advice helps to ease your worries a little!

I'm sure that, if this teacher continues to teach you, she'll have reflected on what happened and will never attack you for no reason again.

As students, we want to learn from our teachers, and we should be more open to asking for advice, based on the principle of respecting our teachers. They're there to help us, after all!

Even if our teacher doesn't think we're the best, we can still try our best to improve ourselves. That way, she'll know we're worth her time, don't you think?

If you don't have to deal with this teacher again, you can also use it as a lesson and think about what you would do differently if you encountered something like this again in the future. I'm sure you'll be able to handle it if you put your mind to it!

We all know that relationships between people are mutual, and that so many things are also based on effective communication.

As the saying goes, "A kind word is like a warm winter, while an unkind word hurts like a cold June."

We can all learn to manage our emotions and communicate effectively with others. Here's a quick introduction to the four-step method of non-violent communication:

1. Be honest with each other. Let's avoid comments or opinions. Instead, let's focus on the truth. For example, let's say that you just threw something on the floor. We can't say things like, "You have a bad temper."

2. Talk about feelings (This makes me feel scared? Angry?

Injustice?

3. Explore needs (I hope others can see my hard work, because I really put my heart into it!)

4. Make a request (I'd really love it if you could encourage me more in the future.)

If you're interested, I'd highly recommend reading the book "Nonviolent Communication." I think you'll find it really beneficial!

I really hope you can find a way to communicate with others that works better for you. It might take a little time, but I know you'll get there!