Everyone seems to want something from me, why is society so indifferent?

OK, hello, thanks for asking! I'm learning in silence.

From your description, I get the feeling that you are currently experiencing a cold world. At the same time, the emotional world is a cold and snowy place.

You long for warmth while giving. You long for love, acceptance, and support—and you'll get all of that!

I know you must be feeling a little uncomfortable right now, but I promise you'll feel better soon! It's okay if you can't feel the love.

Be a little skeptical about the world. At the same time, you also long to be loved, right? And you know what? You will be!

Are you asking if the world is that cold? In fact, you secretly hope that the answer is that the world is warm!

You want the world to be warm! And it is! There are so many good people in this world.

There are some not-so-nice people, but there are also lots of good people in this world! So think about it: who have you received help from?

Have you ever had the pleasure of meeting a good friend? Have you ever had the good fortune of meeting a stranger who has given you support, encouragement, and care?

Have you ever felt the warmth of the world?

When you feel cold, you're not alone! There are actually a lot of people just like you.

So many people have experienced the cold. But now, they have been warmed by the world!

I once heard this amazing saying: Those who have been treated cruelly by the world have two incredible options!

You have two great options! You can either retaliate against the world or choose to be kind to others.

Let others experience joy instead of pain!

I dare not ask you to give love. Because in your mind, the love you give is already more than enough, and it's about time you got the same in return!

And then sometimes we think about it. If we just keep giving, we'll have a deep sense of giving that will be very uncomfortable.

And the great news is that the more we give, the more love we will receive! Sometimes we also have the right to choose to wait.

And the best part is, you can wait for others to give you love. You can even wait for others to like you!

Love is mutual, and sometimes we can even choose to be a little selfish!

After giving some love, go ahead and expect love from others and accept it! This way, you'll feel more comfortable and have a balanced heart.

So believe that the world is still warm. We just haven't opened it in the right way—but we can!

If we open up to the world in the right way, we'll be amazed to discover that there is still so much love in the world!

There are still so many people who love you!

And now for the best part! Even if no one loves you,

You absolutely have to learn to love yourself! When you start to love yourself,

The whole world loves you! There are probably tons of people who love you right now, but you just haven't realized it yet.

Absolutely! Thank you so much for asking. The world and I love you!

Hello,

I am a healer, and I will give you a big hug first. People want something from each other and like to criticize each other's shortcomings. They also hope that other people are the way they want them to be. This is the self that hates while hoping for the best. They know a lot about life but still can't live a good life.

It's the law of society and human nature. It's reality, not indifference.

A person without a lover, friends, or a circle of people is always working and living alone. They have classmates and colleagues who only call when they need something. We don't have no friends around us, but there are few people I can trust. It's a reflection of our sense of self-protection. It's even more difficult to find a lover than friends. A circle is our life circle. From childhood to adulthood, our parents' praise and teachers' encouragement have been our motivation. We feel stressed about the surroundings because of the influence of the original family. This is reflected in life as the lack of people to talk to, parents who are not good at communicating, and also because of this, the self is closed off. Everyone has the right to be respected and noticed. The desire to be cared for by others is also an important expression of needs. A great lack of security due to family reasons is one of the most important factors for us at the moment.

Friendship includes companionship, but companionship does not include friendship. We need to spend a long time together to find like-minded friends. People won't only think of us when they have something to do. We can't benefit others, nor do we have much emotional support. Parents give without expecting anything in return.

Parents remember birthdays, but my father only knows how to drink and be happy all year round. My mother always complains about life when she calls. Many people only care about whether you fly well. We also can't tell our parents everything. Happy families are all the same, and unhappy families are each unhappy in their own way. As children, we shouldn't blame our parents. Giving birth to and raising a child is the greatest happiness. The problems we see may be one-sided or minor. The love a child receives from their parents is only known to the parents. We're all the same. Others expect perfection from us. We still hope to be perfect for them.

Family matters make it hard to judge, but one thing is clear: the parents' relationship is average. Otherwise, the father would not have ignored everything and the mother would not have been full of complaints.

My friends seem to need rescuing. I get strange phone calls, but they're never from nice people offering me free gifts.

It seems like everything and everyone is draining you. Could this be social indifference? According to the law of attraction, looking for internal causes can make us look different every day. Looking for external causes will only make us look the same for ten years. When we always complain about life being unfair and society being unjust, why don't we just let go of everything and face it bravely? Because we are weak, others will not only show no sympathy, but will instead make us more and more disappointed with the reality around us.

Here are a few suggestions:

1. Have a positive attitude. Talk to yourself. A good day is a good day, and a bad day is a bad day. Forget the past. Don't be emotional. Think rationally about yourself and adjust slowly.

2. We can't change our parents, but we can change how we act. We'll still love those who love us and don't have to love those who don't. We shouldn't be happy or sad about material things. Everything depends on our actions. Instead of complaining, why not be positive and help yourself? Make friends and expand your social circle. People seek our help because we're valuable. We just have to find true friends who can rely on us.

3. Set a goal and work towards it to feel good about yourself.

4. You can find beauty in the world by becoming a strong person. You can overcome fear by becoming a big bird.

5. These suggestions are just ideas. The world connects us all. Best wishes!

Hi, I'm Meng Xiaoxiao, your heart listener. I hope my message brings you warmth and strength.

From what you've said, I get the sense that you're disappointed in your relationships and lonely. It seems like you feel like the people around you don't care about you or consider your feelings, and they use you to satisfy their own needs.

So let's get started and figure out the reasons together.

I'd like to ask you a few questions to help you understand your own interpersonal relationship patterns.

1. When you have some needs, such as the need to be understood, recognized, and cared for, how do you express them to the people around you? Or do you take the initiative to express your needs?

2. In your life, have you ever refused to do something you didn't want to do? If so, how did you let them know?

3. How would you describe the way you communicate with your parents?

4. How do you handle it when the people around you are draining you?

The questioner can bring these four questions to the table to review some of their interpersonal experiences. If they associate these with some memories, we can analyze the reasons for the formation of their interpersonal relationship patterns from these memories.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're disappointed because of some past experiences and memories in your relationships that made you feel uncomfortable. Maybe at some point you started putting your own feelings second, while others put their own feelings first when they were looking for you, so you feel like others have benefited from you.

The kindness and enthusiasm of the questioner are good qualities. Let's add a layer of protection to ourselves. When we help others without harming our own interests, it gives us more strength. When we're dealing with friends who we feel are taking advantage of us, we should be brave and express our feelings and thoughts. If there are things we're unwilling or unable to do, we should refuse them more directly to reduce our own psychological burden.

If the other person gets mad at you for turning down their help, don't worry. It's not that you're not good enough, it's just that they can't solve their own problems.

Given the limited amount of information I have, I can only offer some ideas here in the hope that they'll be helpful and inspiring.

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart coach. I understand the poster's exhaustion.

The host of the post was brave to express their distress and seek help. This will help them understand themselves and others, and make them happier.

Next, I will share my thoughts, which may help you see things differently.

1. Human nature

Don't ignore human nature when managing relationships.

People can become dependent when a friend asks for help and you say yes. You are easy to get along with and willing to help.

Will he think of you when he's in trouble again?

If he always gets what he wants, will he get used to it? This is human nature.

This rule is true in all cases. In some families, the wife does all the housework. The husband is less capable of doing housework.

He can't because he's dependent.

You can't give to others what you don't have. If you lack love, you can't give love to others.

We're all fighting for survival, so we can't take care of others. The original poster's mother complained because she's unhappy. She wants to be understood. She's lacking love.

If you lack love, how can she care for you? I think most of my friends are struggling, so how can they care about you?

2. Set boundaries.

Psychologically, relationships are a two-way street. You can't always give. If you do, you'll run out of energy. So you need to learn to set your own boundaries.

If you feel tired or compelled to give too much, you need to reflect on whether you should refuse the other person.

Tell the other person how you feel. This helps you set boundaries.

Tell the other person where the boundary is. What you can and can't do.

You can accept what you do, but not what you can do. Others will know how to treat us.

How we treat others is how they will treat us. If we let others take advantage of us, they will think it is ok.

Others may think they can treat you like that. We need to learn to set our own boundaries.

3. Be happy with yourself.

Put happiness first for yourself. Take care of your feelings first.

Any relationship needs balance. If we are happy and full of love, we can give more. Then, after giving a lot, we can take care of ourselves and others.

From a psychological perspective, you can only take care of others if you take care of yourself.

It's a win-win. If we ignore our feelings, we may damage the relationship without realizing it.

A good relationship is a win-win.

A relationship model that first takes care of oneself and then takes care of others. The original poster may now focus on themselves.

4. Love yourself.

It's hard for adults to ask others to care for and love them because many people lack love.

It's hard for others to meet our needs. So what can we do?

It means taking care of yourself.

We know ourselves best and understand what we need. When we become aware of these things

If we do this, we will learn to get along with ourselves. Our inner world will become full and abundant.

I hope this helps and inspires you. If you have questions, click on Find a Coach.

Good day, question asker.

In light of the current social climate, how can we adapt to a somewhat "cold" society when we feel unappreciated but are still expected to contribute a great deal? Let's discuss the best way forward.

It should be noted that the topic author's feelings are representative of the emotional experience of most adults. With the reduction of family members in society and the diversification of structures, people are independent of each other in both space and time. As a result, the element of "loneliness" has become a common emotion shared by most people.

When we experience prolonged periods of loneliness, we hope to receive love or share in the joy of another person when they contact us by chance. However, the reality is that "there is no such thing as a free lunch," and the people who contact us all have expectations of us, which is somewhat disappointing.

This prompts the question of whether those who remember us are looking for something in return, whether it be material or emotional.

The nature of relationships between people has changed. It is now more common for people to give to others on the basis of reciprocity.

This may be a social phenomenon. We can attempt to acknowledge the rationality of its existence.

Although this is a reasonable assumption, we can choose to be unaffected by it and decide how to deal with it. It is important to consider the various phenomena in society, recognizing that not all of them are within our control.

How should we respond to friends who only reach out when they need something? The following suggestions may be helpful:

(1) It is beneficial to possess the capacity to assist others.

When a colleague requests assistance and we are able to provide it, our actions are perceived as valuable. Value-adding behaviors boost self-confidence and satisfaction. The inquirer can attempt to view and experience the inner feelings from a different perspective.

Your mother's consistent reliance on you for support demonstrates the strength of your bond. She confides in you because she feels a sense of happiness and contentment when she does so. It is a privilege to be able to provide her with comfort.

The mother may simply be seeking an opportunity to discuss her concerns.

(2) The ability to take care of oneself is both a skill and a benefit.

It is likely that your father does not prioritize your emotional needs because he views you as an autonomous individual capable of self-sufficiency. Additionally, it is plausible that he has not inquired about your well-being frequently since you were young, as many families navigate the transition following the death of a spouse. This may contribute to his unfamiliarity with expressing his affection for you.

It is beneficial to be self-sufficient. Being dependent on others to fulfill your needs can be restrictive and challenging.

(3) Express your emotional needs honestly.

If a colleague or business associate requests assistance, we can provide it and, at the same time, suggest that they repay us with a cup of tea when they are better. The law of interpersonal relationships is give and take. If a colleague is only asking for things, we can also choose to refuse to help.

The same approach should be taken with mothers. Offer them comfort while providing guidance and encouragement, and express hope for their happiness and positivity.

(4) In the event of a crisis, it is important to identify and utilise the resources available to you.

When faced with a challenge, it is important to seek assistance from your network. You can turn to friends, colleagues, and relatives for support. I believe the social network you have built over time will prove beneficial in this regard.

The aforementioned suggestions are intended as a reference only.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you.

Best regards,

Good day. I empathize with the challenges you're facing in your relationship.

Firstly, whether your parents will contact you is contingent upon their personal habits. For instance, some individuals consistently bear their own difficulties and, as a result, rarely take the initiative to contact others.

An individual's enthusiasm for communication is influenced by their upbringing. Those who grew up in an environment conducive to communication are likely to excel in this area. Conversely, those who did not have ample opportunities to communicate may face challenges in this regard. The content of communication is also shaped by the environment. If one does not listen attentively to the concerns of their mother, for instance, they may not fully understand her perspective. Apart from trivial matters, she may not have the necessary insight to engage with them effectively.

It is likely that you do not make regular phone calls to your parents either. This is an example of how your environment affects your behaviour.

As for your father, he likely believes that avoiding contact with you is an expression of his affection.

Secondly, it is important to foster connections with colleagues and friends. Have you taken the initiative to invite them out recently? If not, it may be perceived that you are not interested in socializing.

I will only contact you when there is something of importance to discuss. Do you think this is possible?

Finally, consider this carefully. If you are not someone who enjoys solitude, then gradually become someone who takes the initiative to communicate. When you are typically invited out, try to select events you will attend as often as possible. Instead of conveying the impression that you are unwelcoming,

The same applies to family and friends. The more you interact with them, the closer you will feel. It is also important to learn to initiate contact when appropriate. People who occasionally ask for assistance are more likely to be viewed as approachable and likeable.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to support you!

You're going through some interpersonal issues right now. I'm sending you another warm hug.

It's true that after we graduated from university, we lost contact with many of our classmates.

This sense of loneliness is especially pronounced when they have already started a family and you are still single.

But it's understandable. After all, once classmates start their own families, they have their own lives to lead.

I have a different view, though. I don't think society is as cold as you say.

I'll tell you a true story about a relative of mine.

My aunt, my mother's second sister, started working outside the home when she was young. Her husband had just had brain surgery and was bedridden. One day, he had a seizure, and their young son was home alone. If she called to come home from the factory, it would take at least an hour, and her husband would definitely not survive.

The young son had a brainstorm; he went to knock on the neighbor's door. The neighbor was very moved when he entered the house and saw his sensible young son kneeling on the ground, his hands together, praying for his father while tears flowed down his face. He immediately called an ambulance to take his aunt's husband to the government public hospital for rescue.

Later on, the neighbor and my aunt's family became really close. The neighbor worked on a boat, so whenever he came back from a trip, he'd buy my aunt's young son and his five-year-old brother little toys, snacks, clothes, and other things.

I shared that story with you to illustrate that when we take the initiative, we often find that society is not as indifferent as we think.

In my building in Shanghai, three neighbors have tested positive for the virus in the past two months. We have a group in our building, and no one has ever come out to accuse the neighbors who tested positive. They just want them to get better and come back safely from the hospital as soon as possible.

This shows what it means to be there for each other, and that the truth comes out in times of trouble.

I also saw that Shanghai is currently recruiting volunteers in response to the recent outbreak, and some of them are elderly female residents. A while ago, I saw a video of a deaf woman volunteering. Even when other volunteers asked her to take a break to regain her energy, she just communicated with them in sign language to tell them that she could continue, and she was smiling, without a single complaint.

When you go out, take a closer look at the people, things, and objects around you. You'll see that society is more connected than you think.

I really hope you can find a solution to this problem soon.

That's all I have to say for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

If everyone didn't have to worry about the things in front of them, this indifference would be significantly reduced. When you are poor, you only think about yourself, but when you become successful, you want to help the world. Some people, including those around you, may also be struggling to survive, and when they are in danger, it is difficult for them to spend energy maintaining friendships.

Your colleagues and friends may only choose the one closest to them to maintain their relationships, so you are left behind. When they also need more help, they will find that you are still there in their address book.

♠Everyone wants something from you. They're indifferent.

♠Alone, no lover, friends only, work and life

♠They only call you when they need something.

Ask for what you need.

Ask for help.

This situation may also be the trajectory of interpersonal relationships. Everyone has their own operating rules. Others turn to you for help instead of contributing to you because you don't ask for much.

A crying baby gets milk. It also shows that you are asking for something.

It's time to recognize that others have requests of you, too. What about your requests?

Take the initiative to explain your expectations of the people around you.

It's clear that your parents are the only ones who remember your birthday. They're usually very close to you and love and care for you unconditionally, although sometimes this care is also late, and it also makes you feel a lot of pressure. Your father rarely greets you when he is happy after drinking.

Your mother's constant complaining makes you feel very uncomfortable. This is a personality weakness in your family. For your father, it may be his social role that makes him so cold. Men are usually expected to have a calm and indifferent personality.

Your mother complains a lot, which suggests she doesn't have many people to talk to. She should seek psychological counseling to help her cope with her issues.

The other person will transmit some negative emotions and has not understood your feelings. This is worrying, but you can handle it. Nowadays there are many advertisements for telecommunications fraud, wealth management and investment, so many times unfamiliar calls are advertisements. This is something you need to think about.

The phone will usually mark them automatically. The outside world may be asking you for something, making you feel indifferent about this era. However, this is also a product of the times. If everyone is carefree, why would they ask you for anything? You can also ask for help from others. This is okay when you can't solve it yourself. I recommend that you seek psychological counseling and talk about it. Good luck!

What is the question?

My name is Gu Yi, and I am modest and humble in disposition. I am a constant, unchanging entity.

I perceive your grief, compassion, and sadness.

A fair and equitable exchange of values.

From your description, it is evident that you have been contemplating your recent state of life, which is a positive indication, as the state you describe is, in fact, the norm for the majority of people's lives in the present era. In the past, individuals would often assert that "life is slow, and there is only sufficient time to love one person in a lifetime." However, in the modern age, where information is transmitted rapidly, people have lost the capacity to love only one person in a lifetime. Consequently, we have all become inept at maintaining relationships and have become too indifferent to do so.

In comparison to maintaining an existing relationship, many individuals prefer to initiate a new one online. This preference for the novel over the established can be seen as a fundamental aspect of human nature.

❀The absence of friendships, mothers who are preoccupied with their own concerns, and individuals who are only mindful of one's needs when they are in a position to benefit from them are common occurrences. It is not uncommon for people to be overlooked and forgotten when they are engaged in enjoyable activities and to be remembered only when they encounter difficulties.

However, it is not generally understood that the heart that has been left out is no longer the same as before. At this juncture, it is imperative to adopt a mindset that recognizes the value exchange, thereby enabling the protection of one's heart and avoidance of devastation.

This social phenomenon can be classified as apathy in society. However, it is important to recognize that we, as ordinary individuals, play a role in its emergence. In the context of the new era's self-media, many of us are propelled forward, only to find ourselves abruptly confronted with feelings of loneliness and compassion when we stop.

It is necessary to acknowledge the existence of a longing for love.

It is imperative to cultivate an ability to love.

In light of the vast expanse of possibilities, our perspectives may diverge. However, from your account, it is evident that you are seeking love and that a shift in perspective could be facilitated by love. Nevertheless, it appears that we have collectively lost the capacity to love. Consequently, it is imperative to recalibrate our mindset. When we desire love from others, it is essential to first extend love to others.

Love can be conceptualized as two distinct abilities: the capacity to love others and the capacity to experience the love of others. When we love others, we tend to engage in reflective thinking and exhibit a tendency to act slowly.

The true strength of a horse is revealed over time, as is the true heart of a person. In the circle of friends we choose, if we show more concern and interact more with a few people, the phone calls we receive and the messages we reply to may differ. With regard to the ability to feel the love of others, it would be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of the negative emotions experienced by mothers who complain about their mothers. Without trust, it is unlikely that anyone would be willing to expose their wounds to others.

The beauty of this world must be related to love. It is challenging to expend no effort in giving, and it is also challenging to allow oneself to be moved by love. Therefore, it is important to confront one's inner desires and put into practice one's purest thoughts. This allows one to experience the emotions of the world. It is my hope that you will be able to love others more and receive more love from others.

"Love is reciprocated, and good fortune follows good deeds."

I extend my best wishes to you.

Hello!

I see that your problem is not unfamiliar at all. To be honest, many years ago, I would have felt the same way. I believe that there are many people around us who would feel the same way. Especially when the pace of life is getting faster and faster, and everyone is busy with things they think are important, they will especially neglect the emotional care of the people around them, and even forget to care for themselves. It is even rare to stop and feel their own feelings and take care of themselves. The other day, I read "Walden," in which Thoreau said, "People think they are walking fast, but in fact they are slow as hell."

He was referring to the incredible journey of mental growth. Many of us have been there, chasing after things that prove their value, such as money, power, status, cars, and houses. We spend a lot of time getting these things and sometimes forget to take the time to enjoy the moment and spend time with ourselves.

The first reason is that everyone has their own unique pattern! Patterns shape how you perceive the people, things, and objects around you, and they turn your relationships into patterns of past relationships that you are most familiar with.

There are three sentences that really get me thinking: "We are how our parents treat us, and we will treat others the same way." A British JU teacher once said in class that many parents, when they first became mothers, said, "I will never treat my child the way my parents treated me." Isn't that fascinating? But inexplicably, they would repeat that approach with their own children, and they simply couldn't control it.

I'm excited to talk about the role of the subconscious! Early life, the family environment, the relationship between important members, the personality of the parents, the culture of the family, and so on—all of these factors have a crucial influence on the formation of a person's personality. And the way parents interact with their children will be internalized as the way the children themselves interact with themselves and others!

This is the fascinating theory of self psychology!

The self is an amazing thing! It's a sense of one's own existence that can be perceived (around 1.5 to 2 years old), an experience of a continuous feeling of one's own existence. Or, to put it another way, the self is the degree of understanding and integration of one's own feelings.

Kohut believes that as infants interact and respond to significant objects, they begin to have a self. This is an amazing process! The infant's self comes from human relationships and is the interaction between the infant and the adult's response as an object of the self.

There are two main components of the core self, and they're both pretty amazing! First, there's the self-object. This is the person or thing that the child forms a relationship with. This person responds to the child in a self-congruent manner, which is pretty cool. They praise and reflect, which helps the child develop a positive sense of self. The second component is the idealized parental image. This is the result of the self-object allowing and appreciating the child's idealization of the parents. This is a response of empathy, and it's pretty special.

Therefore, the indifference you feel is probably a sign that you have never experienced a sense of being well cared for and warmth in your life experience since childhood. So you feel that everyone around you is indifferent, and you have no strength yourself, nor can you love yourself properly. You are also forced to do a lot of things for the people around you, which makes you feel drained and lonely, with no one to understand yourself. But guess what? You can change all of that!

But there's no reason why love can't flow!

There is a way to change! It's through experiencing hatred and love in a relationship, and experiencing all kinds of emotions. When you can hold on to hatred with a counselor, you can feel love!

I really hope you can get close to your emotions soon and feel love!

Wishing you the very best!

It is beneficial to share insights and information. I am encouraging myself to adopt this habit.

I recall a conversation with my direct supervisor many years ago when I expressed my confusion.

"Why is it that some individuals never reach out to you even when they require assistance, as if you are not a viable resource in this environment, but then suddenly remember you when they need your help?" I inquired, with a hint of frustration in my voice.

"Don't you feel a sense of worthiness when others can remember to ask you to help them?" my boss calmly inquired.

"I don't feel that way. It just seems like my availability is being taken advantage of without limits. They think of you when they need you, and forget you when they don't. It's like you don't even exist."

"How often do you consider these individuals on your own initiative?"

"I don't require their assistance. Furthermore, their contributions are limited.

"The fact that others can think of you proves that you are still valuable. Think about it. Is it absolutely necessary for you to do the tasks they ask you to do in this world?"

Could you not ask someone else for assistance? From this perspective, you are still a valuable individual who merits the trust of others. You should be pleased to possess such a valuable quality, so there is no cause for concern.

"

If you are not inclined to provide assistance, you are under no obligation to do so. It is not necessary to agree to provide assistance simply because it has been requested. In fact, doing so may result in feelings of self-reproach and the perception that you are owed something by others.

My superior has been retired for many years, and now I am approaching middle age. I still encounter situations similar to those you described, but I am less annoyed by them than I once was. When someone requests my assistance, I always try my best to help, even if the individual does not express gratitude. Only when I provide assistance without expecting anything in return can I feel truly at ease.

In this life, there is much to be learned. Learning to adapt to circumstances and to perceive individuals accurately is the foundation and essence of being a good person.