Extremely anxious, always worrying about things that haven't happened yet, especially afraid of something happening to their loved ones

Hello!

From your brief description, I can imagine your nervousness and worry, but I can also see that you have the power to change your thoughts and feel better. Your family is still safe and normal, but you have some thoughts that are too much for you right now. So I have a few suggestions for you:

Let's dive into the world of extreme anxiety!

As the questioner said, you are "extremely anxious, always worrying about things that haven't happened yet" and "especially afraid of something happening to your family." This is more of an emotional reaction of tension, worry, and even fear. This kind of emotion needs to be actively self-regulated, and if it is allowed to continue, it may really become a psychological symptom. The great news is that there are several ways to do this, including cognition, training, and even counseling.

[Emotions are neither good nor bad]

All emotions are created based on specific real-life situations, personal life experiences, and emotional concepts in the mind. However, there's so much more to discover! You can build on this cognitive foundation and ask yourself what specific things made you worry when you were a child, and analyze them carefully and objectively.

Don't pay attention to your nervousness!

Nervousness is always accompanied by a range of physical discomfort. But here's the good news! According to the reinforcement theory, if you pay too much attention to your nervous reactions when you are nervous, it is equivalent to reinforcing your nervous behavior. However, when we ignore our nervous reactions, since nervousness does not receive attention and reinforcement, nervous reactions will gradually subside over time.

[Positive training to eliminate worry]

There are specific suggestions you can use to eliminate worrying using the systematic desensitization method of psychotherapy. You can also use aversion therapy, where you use external stimuli to make yourself feel pain whenever you have a worrying emotion or thought. This is negative reinforcement, and worrying will be relieved instead!

For more information, you can find a teacher on the Yi Xinli platform to learn more and put it into practice!

[Affirm and accept yourself]

For example, you can always say to yourself, "I accept myself and I believe in myself!" Through this kind of positive self-suggestion, you can gradually change your negative perceptions of yourself, learn to accept yourself, and cultivate your own confidence.

And there's more! Relaxation and meditation training can also help us control our bodies and overcome nervous reactions.

I really hope this helps a little!

Anxiety is actually a natural emotion that evolved in humans as a result of concerns about safety. And here's the great news: moderate anxiety is actually a necessary requirement for survival! So, it's important to allow it to exist.

The more you resist it, the more it will appear. It's like when we say that if you don't think about polar bears, you won't think about them. It's the same with people who can't sleep: if they think about not being able to sleep, they will be unable to sleep.

All you have to do is allow it to exist! You can even give it a name, like Xiao Jiao or Xiao Lu. When it comes, you can greet it with a clear, "Hi, there you are!" When we adopt a third-party perspective, we can separate emotions from ourselves. Anxiety is just anxiety; anxiety is not you!

Guess what! You know why you worry about things that haven't happened yet? It's because humans evolved in a very different environment.

Those who paid more attention to tigers and snakes than to flowers and fruit had a stronger negative bias and a stronger sense of safety, and they survived! Those who didn't have a strong sense of safety died out.

You are actually a human being with powerful primitive genes! Now that our living conditions are no longer so dangerous, you can let go of this kind of worry. It's not your fault. It just shows that you are a person with a strong sense of safety.

But if this kind of worry still plagues you, try the following cognitive exercises and see how they can help you!

1. First, identify the things that cause anxiety. The recommended and effective method of using dichotomy to control anxiety is a great way to start!

I'm excited to tell you about an amazing method called dichotomy that comes from the "Stoic school." It's a simple yet powerful technique that helps you understand that things in the world can be divided into two categories: the things you can control and the things you can't, which we call gravity problems.

If something that causes you anxiety is outside your control, just ignore it! Focus on what you can control and watch your anxiety melt away.

For example, when it comes to making money, remember that the economic environment is something you cannot control. The good news is that you can control what you can do yourself, or the pandemic. Don't worry about things you cannot control. Instead, focus on what you can do, and do it to the best of your ability. Even if it's something small, it will make a difference!

Doing what you can to increase your sense of control is the absolute best way to reduce anxiety! When something happens, take a deep breath and divide it into parts until you can see what you really can do and control.

When you say you are worried about the future, you are actually worried about gravity, which is the same as worrying about the destruction of the earth. But here's the good news: you can stop worrying! Ask yourself: is worrying helpful?

Is there something you can control? Absolutely! This exercise is really important for you.

2. Embrace the universality of anxiety and reduce your individual anxiety!

A mother was very anxious about her child's studies. What was interesting was that when she went to a particularly impressive parents' meeting, she had an amazing realization! Not only did she not feel more anxious because of the comparison, she actually felt less anxious. This was because she realized that the parents of those children who seemed so impressive to her were also so anxious and had so many worries.

So when you experience anxiety, think about it. You are not alone. It may be common for everyone. And you know what? Realizing the universality of anxiety will reduce the anxiety of the individual!

In fact, everyone feels worried and troubled about death and the future. And you know what? You are not the only one!

3. Put anxiety in an "ice glass" to control its spread.

Absolutely! You can absolutely allow this concern to exist. In fact, you should! But you also need to slowly begin to reduce the intensity and duration of the anxiety. And you definitely shouldn't let it constantly invade your life and permeate it. So the core goal of relief is to address both the intensity and the permeation.

There is a fantastic method called the "fixed time, fixed place, fixed object method." All you have to do is allow anxiety to exist, regard its existence as a normal thing, and give it space and time. But here's the best part: you can determine a specific period of time or in a certain space, or when looking at a certain object, to indulge in anxiety. And then, when the anxiety is over, you can do whatever you want to do!

If you want to be anxious at another time and place, just tell yourself that it's not time to be anxious yet, and you can worry about it then. You've got this!

In behavioral economics, there is an interesting example called the "ice cup" method. It is aimed at people's unlimited abuse of credit cards. The credit card is placed in a cup filled with water and frozen in the refrigerator.

When you have a shopping urge, here's a fun trick you can try! Take out the ice cup and slowly defrost it. Heating with water or defrosting in the microwave may damage the card's magnetic strip, so waiting for the defrosting time is a great way to relieve your urge. And guess what? This method is also applicable to anxiety! Think about how you can delay the gratification of anxious urges.

4. There are so many other things you can do to soothe your breathing, distract you, and easily generate a flow experience!

As many people are familiar with, when anxiety occurs, you can use some amazing methods from the "cotton candy experiment" to do something that diverts your attention and is pleasurable to avoid getting bogged down. One of the quickest and easiest methods is to practice deep abdominal breathing. It's a great way to get your body and mind ready for action! Breathe deeply for 10 counts, or breathe a few more times.

This is called embodied therapy, and it's a total game-changer! When you're feeling anxious, your breathing will get all jittery, and your body will react. But here's the cool part: if you relax your body first, you'll feel the anxiety melt away because your body and mind are connected. Then, choose something you've done before that makes you feel great and lets your creativity flow! It's like magic.

When your breathing slows down, it's time to dive into some of the amazing cognitive exercises above!

1. Can I do it? Absolutely! Can't I do it? No way!

2. What an amazing opportunity! I get to experience anxiety right now, right where I am.

3. Is worrying useful? Absolutely! It can solve so many problems.

What can I do right now to make a difference?

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

If we are always worried about the future, we may become anxious because the future is uncontrollable and the outcome is uncertain. We can try to become aware of why we are afraid that doing something wrong might cause an accident to our loved ones.

Could you please share what comes to mind when you have this thought? Has anyone ever said something like this to us?

Many of our negative thoughts may be related to our experiences growing up, but it's possible that these thoughts are not always objective facts. We may believe these thoughts and become entangled in them. To break out of this cycle, it might be helpful to look back on your experiences and see the reasons for the formation of these limiting beliefs, so as to understand and accept yourself. Then, you could use some methods to change these unreasonable beliefs, and learn to live in the present, control the things you can control, and learn to face the uncertainty in life, so that you can slowly gain inner peace.

We would like to offer some advice:

It might be helpful to try to go back to your childhood and see when you first started thinking like this, what happened at the time, and why you think this way.

It might be helpful to think of something that made you particularly happy before going back. Was it a get-together with friends? Or perhaps it was completing a challenge?

Perhaps it was an outdoor activity? If so, could you describe the weather?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how your body felt in that moment. Try to recall all the different sensations you felt at the time, until you are fully immersed in that happy event.

It may be helpful to consider recalling a happy event first, as this can help to create a contrast between the positive and the negative. This can assist in avoiding becoming overwhelmed by the pain associated with the limiting belief, and instead allowing for a more constructive approach to be taken.

Then, if you'd like, you can go back in time. Perhaps you could start with the most recent event that gave rise to these thoughts, the most recent time you had these thoughts, what happened at that time, how you felt, and what people said to you?

Perhaps we could go back further and further. What about the time before that? What about the time before that?

Perhaps it would be helpful to go back to the beginning and try to recall what you were feeling and thinking at the time.

Through such reflection, you may come to recognize that these thoughts do not arise without reason. In this way, you may gain insight into your thought patterns and realize that they can be modified. These thoughts may not be entirely accurate, and they may arise from specific experiences. It is possible to replace these thoughts with more constructive ones.

2. Consider replacing irrational beliefs with reasonable ones and exploring ways to reshape your own thinking patterns.

When we are preoccupied with potential future events and particularly concerned about the safety of our loved ones, it can lead to feelings of anxiety and worry. It's natural to have these concerns, but it's also important to recognize that the things we worry about may not necessarily happen, or even that they're likely to happen at all. However, these thoughts can have a significant impact on our present circumstances, making it challenging to take action.

Take a moment to relax. Our thoughts are not necessarily a reflection of reality, nor are they set in stone. They are simply ideas, and like any idea, they can be changed. If you find yourself dwelling on negative thoughts, try replacing them with more positive ones. You might say to yourself, "I and my loved ones are safe, we are all healthy and safe, everything is fine..."

You may find it helpful to read the book Rebuilding Your Life. It contains many exercises that could assist you in developing a positive mindset and feeling more at ease, calm, and relaxed. This could help you to face challenges with a more open mind.

3. It may be helpful to try to live in the present, to try to control the things you can control, and to try to learn to let go of the things you can't. This could help to reduce a lot of internal friction and help you feel more in control of your life.

Many of our concerns are about the future, which is often beyond our control. This is why some psychologists suggest that focusing on the future can lead to feelings of anxiety. It may be helpful to consider living in the present more often, as it is something we can control, feel, and act upon. When we shift our attention to the present and focus on the things we can do, it can help reduce feelings of anxiety and worry.

It is important to recognize that we have limited control over whether accidents will happen to our loved ones. As the book "A Change of Heart" suggests, there are three main categories of things in this world: our own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven. If we tend to worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of heaven, it can lead to feelings of distress.

It is important to remember that what other people think and do is their business, and whether accidents happen is the business of God. Neither is something we can control. If we dwell on these things, it can cause us anxiety and is not helpful. The same goes for being afraid of accidents happening to our loved ones because of something we did wrong. We can only control our own actions and thoughts. Showing kindness and care to our loved ones is always a good idea, but ultimately, whether accidents happen to them and whether they will have accidents is still beyond our control, because it is not our business.

When you can distinguish between what is your own business, what is other people's business, and what is God's business, you will gain insight into what you can control and what you cannot.

If you can focus on the present and do the things you can control, while letting go of the things that are beyond your control, you may find it easier to accept the things that cannot be changed and change the things that can be changed.

I hope the above answers have been helpful to you. Please don't hesitate to reach out if you have any further questions or need assistance.

There are two aspects to your concerns.

One concern is the potential for family members to be involved in accidents, while the other is the possibility that accidents may occur due to the challenges faced by family members.

If you are concerned that your family members may be involved in an accident, it is important to recognise that such incidents can occur at any time. This is why they are referred to as accidents. It is therefore necessary to accept that accidents are an uncontrollable occurrence.

The first step is to accept the consequences of the accident itself. The most serious consequence of an accident is death. This may include the death of our loved ones. There are two types of death: natural death, which is caused by illness or old age, and accidental death. Illness and old age allow us time to complete tasks before our demise, which may provide a sense of satisfaction. However, accidental death is often sudden, and we may not have time to say goodbye. This incident may provide inspiration and a reminder to prioritize spending time with our family.

In addition, there are minor accidents that may result in difficulty walking, such as an elderly person falling at home. Can these accidents be avoided? For example, we can visit the elderly person, avoid leaving her alone at home, or, when at home, complete tasks that require climbing up high first, so that the elderly person will not climb up high when alone at home.

In the bathroom, we can take measures to prevent slipping. We can also consider rounding off the corners of some table legs in the house. Our goal is to minimize the risk as much as possible and provide a safe environment.

Ultimately, should an accident occur to your family due to your own actions, I am unaware of the specific types of accidents that could transpire. However, I can envisage scenarios such as being out with your family and experiencing an accident while driving, or being in the kitchen at home and having an accident while cooking, or even falling at home due to negligence towards your family.

In any case, taking the time to consider these minor concerns from a different standpoint may prompt greater attention to them, ultimately reducing the likelihood of an incident occurring.

If your concerns do not impact your daily life or your relationships with family members, they may actually be beneficial. You will be more cautious when driving, more attentive when cooking, and more aware of your family's movements at home. These are all positive outcomes.

If, however, your concerns are having a significant impact on your daily life, causing you to ruminate excessively, it may be beneficial to seek the guidance of a professional counselor. This could help you to address your concerns more effectively and alleviate your anxiety.

Hello,

I'm Kelly, a heart exploration coach.

I saw your question and thought I'd share my thoughts on anxiety.

[Extremely anxious, always worrying about things that haven't happened yet]

Hello, questioner.

As a general rule, anxious people tend to worry about a lot of different things. Let's take a closer look at why we worry.

Let's look at some of the causes of anxiety.

Let me give you an example. My anxiety is related to my mother. My mother is anxious. During my upbringing:

As a child, I often heard a lot of nagging from my family (caregivers, parents): "Put your shoes away, turn off the lights, wear more clothes, sit like this, eat some meat, otherwise it's not nutritious, get up early."

You shouldn't spend all day reading novels. You're not motivated at all. You shouldn't stay out late at night. You shouldn't always hang out with A. There's something wrong with that person. Why don't you ever listen?

It's important to wash your hands properly. If you don't, you'll get germs and get sick. When you grow up, you'll always be washing and rewashing your hands, or feeling that your clothes are not clean enough again and again...

"We're heading out shortly, so please hurry up or you might miss your chance to get a seat."

"How could you get sick again? Being sick is awful. There are so many people in the hospital. How could you be so careless?"

This process of growth has been pretty stressful. My parents were pretty caught up in their own worlds, and because I was worried, anxious, and fearful, those emotions were also a part of the process of raising me. The family is a system, and I grew up in this kind of family environment.

All of us sisters have anxiety, which is basically just the normal worry you get when you're going through a lot of changes.

If we do, we'll miss out on enjoying the present.

Later on, I studied psychology and learned more about anxiety. I also realized that past experiences can affect the present.

Later on, I learned to communicate with counselors and release some of the pressure from my inner fears and worries.

If it's having a serious impact on your life, it's worth seeking professional help from a hospital and speaking to a doctor.

What are some ways to relieve anxiety?

Let it happen and remember that uncertainty is a normal part of life.

A lot of people try to resist these emotions or anxiety, but that can actually have the opposite effect and sometimes put more pressure on them.

Try to stop multitasking and avoid browsing a lot of negative news.

We've all been there.

It might seem like there's no link between multitasking and anxiety, but it can actually cause it.

For instance, we often try to do a lot of things at once, like checking work emails, messages, and news.

Or sometimes answering emails, talking to other people at the same time, and answering the phone. These distractions can make us feel overwhelmed and confused.

If you're busy for too long, it can really take a toll on your stress levels.

I went through this process myself, and then I trained myself every day to focus on one thing at a time during a certain period in the morning. I concentrated on one thing and didn't let my mind wander. I tried mandala painting and after a month of perseverance, my anxiety naturally decreased. You can try it if you like.

I came across this story online and thought it was worth sharing:

For instance, we can choose what we focus on.

Harry, a psychology professor, shared an experience of his own.

He said, "I used to complain a lot about feeling unwell. I was convinced I was ill, even though all the physical tests showed I was healthy. I always felt dizzy, had headaches, and was nervous.

I was getting more and more panicky. When I finally realized that I had simply become habitually dependent on this kind of worry, I had to start controlling my wild thoughts.

"

We can't control our bodies, but we can control our thoughts, which often show up as physical symptoms.

When you feel dizzy and nervous, ask yourself, "Are my worries causing this?"

This is a great way to train your awareness. You can also write it down: What is the benefit of these anxieties?

If there's no benefit.

What's the point of all this anxiety?

It helps us remember to live in the moment and not let anxiety take over.

When anxiety strikes, try to distract yourself by doing something else.

If we keep dwelling on a problem and can't find a solution, the rising anxiety will make us overthink it, which will then lead to a vicious cycle of "thinking too much—becoming more anxious."

So, why not choose to do something relaxing and mindless to take your mind off things?

For instance, I was feeling anxious the other day, so I bought a big bouquet of flowers and put them around the house, and I tidied up the room.

Later on, I made a pot of sweet pear soup. During the epidemic, I put it into practice in my life and took care of the diet of my family.

So when we think about it again, when we return to the problem you were previously stuck on, we'll actually find that our brain feels differently. For example, flowers bring us visual enjoyment, and our thoughts will become more active.

How you view anxiety can make a big difference.

Roloff has a book, "The Meaning of Anxiety," and it's not all doom and gloom.

The book says that the right level of anxiety can help us see things more clearly and perform better.

When I say "better performance," I mean we can take in more information and then make better choices and responses.

Some new research also shows that when people are anxious, their unrealistic optimism disappears.

This unrealistic optimism is a bit like the spirit of Ah Q: ignoring negative information and preferring feedback that is good for you.

However, when we feel anxious, the amygdala in the brain kicks in, triggering the release of "rational" hormones in the hypothalamus. This makes it easier for us to accept information and make better decisions.

1: It's good to think about your family in all areas of your life to improve your quality of life.

2. Identify your own weaknesses and learn how to improve them.

3: Write down your concerns and see which ones have come true in the past.

4: How long do you want to worry and be anxious? If you don't want to, then take action.

There are good and bad emotions, and learning to control them within a single dimension and have a clear understanding of your emotions will really benefit your life.

Let's make a change, take action, learn, and accept and understand anxiety so we can become good friends with it.

Wishing you the best!

Good day. I am a Heart Explorer coach. I can see that you are particularly afraid of accidents involving your loved ones, especially when you feel you have done something wrong to cause an accident. You are unable to break out of this vicious circle, and it is affecting you so much that you are reluctant to do anything. You are particularly anxious and restless.

A common manifestation of anxiety is that the level of concern does not align with the reality of the situation. Motor nerve restlessness is evidenced by an inability to sit still, an inclination to walk around, difficulty concentrating, and autonomic dysfunction, which presents as feelings of panic, chest tightness and shortness of breath, a rapid heartbeat, rapid breathing, muscle stiffness, hand tremors, dizziness, insomnia, early waking or excessive sleep, and so on.

The individual in question can schedule an appointment with the psychiatry department of a local top-tier hospital for a mental health assessment to identify the level of anxiety. Regardless of the level, it can be treated. There is no need to worry excessively. Typically, a combination of medication and psychotherapy prescribed by a doctor is effective. For psychotherapy, the individual can select a counselor from the cognitive behavioral school.

When anxiety arises, the AWARE technique can assist in managing it effectively.

It is important to accept your anxiety.

W. Observe your anxiety without judgment.

When anxiety arises, respond as if it were not present.

Repeat the first three steps.

Expect the best to happen.

If your anxiety is severe and affecting your ability to think clearly, we recommend trying other techniques such as progressive muscle relaxation and meditation for 10 minutes a day. These techniques, when used consistently over time, can help relieve your anxiety.

Secondly, to address the issue of anxiety, the individual in question can utilise the Socratic questioning technique, posing the following questions to themselves:

If you are particularly concerned about the possibility of an accident occurring to your loved one, it is an automatic thought that arises in your mind. What do you perceive to be the consequences of an accident? What are your strategies for coping with the potential of an accident happening to your loved one?

What evidence is there that accidents will happen, and what evidence is there that they won't? How strongly do you believe in your ideas? What will happen if you believe in your ideas?

What would be the consequences of a change in perspective? How would you advise a colleague who is preoccupied with the possibility of an accident occurring to a loved one?

When experiencing severe anxiety, inquire of yourself, "What am I thinking?" and then proceed to ask yourself the aforementioned questions in order to address the automatic thoughts that are the root cause of your anxiety.

Additionally, the arrow-down technique can be employed to inquire about the automatic thought that one is fearful of making a mistake that could result in an accident involving one's loved ones. This would entail asking: What does it mean to make a mistake? What kind of mistake could cause an accident involving one's loved ones?

Please provide evidence to support the assertion that your mistakes will cause accidents, as well as evidence to the contrary. Please also provide the most likely explanation.

Please indicate your level of conviction in this idea. Are there any other potential explanations?

How would you respond to a colleague who expressed concern about making a mistake that could result in an accident involving their loved ones?

It is recommended that you practice recording your thoughts. When you are in a negative emotional state, it is helpful to write down the specific situation, your emotions, your thoughts, more adaptive thoughts or coping strategies, and what you would do in that situation. This process allows you to develop a cognitive model of anxiety.

Further practice will assist in identifying the source of your anxiety and bring it to your conscious awareness. This is the process of relieving anxiety. The only way to eliminate fear is to face it.

Should you wish to communicate further, you are invited to click below to find a coach to interpret, choose Heart Exploration to chat with me one-on-one, and I wish you good luck.

Greetings, I am writing in response to your question.

From your description, it appears that you are concerned about the potential negative consequences that your actions may have on your family. This has led to feelings of anxiety and fear. I can empathize with your situation.

As individuals age, they may experience a heightened sense of fear regarding the demise of their loved ones or their own mortality. This is due to the fact that age often evokes a profound awareness of loss and the knowledge of what it means to lose something. Prolonged anxiety about events that have not yet occurred is a phenomenon known as anticipatory anxiety in psychological literature. The hope that circumstances will always unfold as anticipated, coupled with the inherent uncertainty of life, can give rise to feelings of fear and anxiety about events that have not yet materialized.

The following is a proposed solution to the aforementioned problem:

[1] Admit the uncontrollability of circumstances.

In this situation, it is important to recognize that outcomes may not align with our expectations and that external factors can influence the trajectory of events. Our actions may not be the sole determining factor in the outcome of a situation; there are often multiple contributing elements that shape the way events unfold.

[2] Distinguish between thoughts and facts and return to reality.

One can become aware of their current anxious feelings and identify the underlying causes. It is also possible to discern whether these feelings are a product of one's own imagination or a reflection of reality. This enables individuals to detach from their immediate circumstances and refrain from allowing emotions or thoughts to dictate their actions.

[3] One may engage in activities that serve to distract oneself.

When one is dominated by these thoughts, it may be helpful to consider other potential distractions. Engaging in physical activity, reading, or other activities that enhance one's inner strength and sense of security can help to increase one's inner energy. This, in turn, can contribute to a reduction in the intensity of negative emotional thoughts.

[4] One may seek professional counseling or find external assistance.

In this situation, it is important to recognize that emotional improvement cannot be achieved through individual effort alone. Seeking the guidance of a counselor or consulting with family members or friends can facilitate the process of emotional regulation. With the support of external resources, individuals can gradually develop the capacity to manage their emotions effectively.

Ultimately, it is essential to differentiate between one's personal perceptions and objective reality. Reframing catastrophic thoughts and accepting the inherent unpredictability of circumstances are crucial steps in the process of recovery. It is also vital to cultivate a positive mindset, engage in regular exercise, pursue intellectual stimulation through reading and education, and maintain a consistent routine. By doing so, individuals can effectively manage their emotions and facilitate a gradual improvement in their well-being.

It is my hope that the aforementioned counsel will prove beneficial.