Fear of being hurt again, fear of encountering someone who has hurt me before, what should I do?

Hello, classmate. I can see you're feeling confused right now, and I'm here to help.

You're going through some tough times, so I'm here for you. Let's have a warm hug.

Maybe this elementary school classmate of yours reminds you of some hurtful experiences you've had in the past.

It's so important to face and deal with traumatic experiences, as long as they're still there.

I know it can be tough, but try to remember that those negative emotions won't just disappear on their own.

It's okay, it's just been suppressed in your subconscious.

I know it can be tough, but next time you see those people, things, or objects, that bad experience might come back.

So, my dear classmate, what are you going to do now?

I really think you should speak to the school psychologist. She can help you to deal with all those hurtful experiences you've had in the past.

The school counselor is there to help! They provide this service free of charge.

If there isn't a school psychologist, don't worry! You can also get help from a professional counselor.

We're happy to offer a 50% discount on our platform's consultations to students like you! All you need to do is fill out a form and submit a school certificate. You can apply right away!

I really hope you can find a great solution to the problem you're having soon.

I really hope this helps! I'm sorry I can't think of more right now, but I'm sending you lots of love and support.

I really hope my answers are helpful and inspiring to you. I'm here for you, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Hello question asker.

From what you've told me, I think you're feeling envious. Envy is a kind of death energy that comes from wanting to destroy things you can't have.

Get to know your classmate again. You haven't been in touch for a long time, so you're not sure how the other person has grown up. As you get to know each other better, you realize you are not the same. You both show different approaches.

You've started to become silent and don't want to get into too much trouble with the other person. She's started to imitate you and become involved in your life. She will teach you how to use friends, transmit some dark relationship theories to you, and deliberately slander the people you like. Behind these actions is envy.

She envies you because you are kind and good. She wants to become you by imitating you. But she can't because darkness can't replace light.

She has accumulated resentment and anger. She vents her hatred by comparing herself to you on the table tennis court. By attacking you, she places herself above you. She knows this sense of superiority is temporary, so she is angry.

Her anger is fueled by jealousy, and her verbal attacks on you are a pathetic attempt to establish her own power.

I want to give you a hug. I see no harsh criticism or accusations in your writing. You have recorded some things objectively and are looking to heal. I see kindness and goodness, and I'm sure others do too. Have more confidence and worry less. The world is good and so are you.

I also have suggestions for you.

1. Keep doing good things.

Good habits like reading, thinking, recording, and keeping a diary can improve our body and mind. I hope you can keep up with these habits.

2. Meditate.

Meditation helps you control your emotions, concentrate, and relax. You can start by meditating for 10-15 minutes a day. You'll feel better without even realizing it. Try it!

3. Build and keep good relationships.

People are social animals. Socializing is important to us. Even if we have been frustrated before, we should not easily shut ourselves off. But after this incident, I hope you can evaluate which relationships in your life have been good for you and which have caused you problems. For good relationships, think about how you can improve them. For some of the problems you have had, try to spend less time with them.

I hope this helps.

Greetings, question asker.

I have completed reading your question. It is evident that you and this girl have been friends for an extended period, and she has developed a somewhat negative perception of friends and the surrounding environment.

However, you are affected by this friendship, and you even begin to doubt and deny yourself, experiencing anxiety and fear.

It appears that you are uncertain about how to interact with her in a manner that is mutually agreeable.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether you have ever identified the factors that facilitate your willingness to coexist with this individual. Additionally, it would be advantageous to determine what aspects of her personality elicit a positive response from you.

It would be beneficial to ascertain which emotions she evokes in you. To this end, it may be helpful to consider your feelings when she accuses and becomes angry with you.

It would be beneficial to identify other situations that evoke a similar emotional response. Additionally, it would be helpful to determine who or what triggers this behavior.

What are the specific concerns or fears that you are currently experiencing?

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether there is a fear of losing this friendship. Once these questions have been considered, a greater understanding of the self may be achieved.

Both you and she are independent individuals. The views and perceptions of the world around them are shaped by upbringing and experiences.

To illustrate, consider an individual of a similar age who hails from a family with considerable privilege. An individual who was raised in a war-torn, impoverished setting will possess a markedly divergent worldview and outlook on life.

Consequently, a friend's upbringing and experiences shape their current views and understanding of the world. This is their own perspective, not necessarily reflective of your own.

One's own opinions about the people and things around them are not contingent on the opinions of others, as one's experiences are inherently distinct from those of others. It is not necessary to approve of or agree with others in order to maintain one's own perspective.

It is essential that friends establish clear boundaries. If a situation becomes uncomfortable, it is important to communicate this directly.

For example, in regard to the ping pong game, one might say, "This is my inaugural experience with the game, so naturally my abilities are not as proficient as yours. Your remark evokes a certain sentiment in me..." By articulating one's sentiments, the other individual will gain insight into the impact of their actions and endeavor to refrain from such comments in the future.

In the event that this behavior is repeated, it may be worthwhile to consider the benefits of the friendship and whether it aligns with one's expectations.

It is also possible to choose whether or not to be friends with someone.

It is my hope that this response will prove helpful to you. Sincerely,

Hello,

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach on the platform. I've read the post and I can see that the poster is feeling afraid. At the same time, I've noticed that the poster has been brave in expressing his distress and seeking help on the platform. This will help the poster to understand himself better and adjust his thinking.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts from the post that might help you see things differently.

1. Learn to use rational thinking to face your anxiety.

From what I can see in the post, the poster's friend has caused him a lot of pain and suffering. He didn't respond later, and he is still afraid.

I totally get where you're coming from. If I were in your shoes, I'd have the same emotional response.

As an outsider, I'm also wondering what the original poster can do for himself.

I think the host can use his own rationality to relieve his anxiety. You can have a dialogue with your anxious emotions.

For instance, you could thank it for the reminder. It's basically telling you not to let yourself get hurt again. It's also showing you that you can take steps to avoid getting hurt in the future.

Thank it for the reminder and let it know that while we can't control what happens in the future, we're safe now and haven't been hurt. We'll also take steps to protect ourselves, so there's no need to worry.

Often, through these kinds of conversations, we can let go of our emotions. This gives us more time and energy to think and grow.

2. Build up our own defense system.

It's important to understand that only we can hurt ourselves. We can't control what happens, but we can control how we respond to it.

A different interpretation will lead to a different emotional experience. We can't control what other people do to us, but we can control the influence they have on us.

It's important to understand that a computer can function normally not because it's free of viruses, but because it has a firewall and antivirus software.

We need to learn to build up our own firewall and defense system. We need to learn to look at things from different perspectives.

For instance, she may have hurt us, but what if we use this experience to learn how to protect ourselves?

What if we saw her as someone who helps us build our own defense system? What if we saw her as someone who helps us grow?

Wouldn't our experience be different if we approached it this way?

3. Treat yourself well by leaving.

From your post, I can see how you get along with your friends and what kind of people they are. It seems like your three values are very different.

It seems like she thinks her way of thinking is the only standard in the world. She proves herself by denying others and giving herself a sense of superiority.

It's tough to get along with someone like that.

Luckily, the hostess isn't responding to her anymore. What can you do when you encounter it again?

We can respect our feelings without getting too involved and learn to protect ourselves by stepping away. It's important to take responsibility for our emotions.

So, learn to treat yourself well by leaving, and take care of yourself. That's the most important thing.

I hope these tips are helpful and inspiring for the original poster. If you have any questions or need more guidance, you can click to find a coach and communicate and grow one-on-one.

Dear questioner,

From your description, it seems like this person wants to brainwash you. They want you to think what they say is right, that you are bad, that everything you do is wrong, and that they can control you. This will make you doubt yourself.

The original poster has fallen into the gaslighting effect. This is when someone distorts the facts to manipulate you. It's a common phenomenon. If you care about other people's opinions, you'll reflect their opinions as the truth. This makes it hard to make decisions and causes self-doubt. It's a chronic poisoning. The manipulator uses deceptive and false language to distort your perception. The victim often has an inferiority complex, low self-awareness, and a lack of love.

The gaslight manipulator believes he has control. He makes the manipulated person believe whatever he says. The manipulator has the following characteristics:

1. Self-centered and narcissistic

2. Good at distorting the facts and making you doubt or believe.

3. Use your weaknesses to make you doubt yourself and undermine you.

4. He thinks he's always right and won't take responsibility when things go wrong. He'll also blame you or others for mistakes.

5. Make you think your thoughts are unimportant.

And so on.

The questioner is influenced by the other person's words, which causes doubt. How to solve it:

If you meet again, you can either end the relationship or find a way to get along.

Think about whether you want to continue the relationship. If the other person makes you feel uncomfortable, you can choose to end it or continue it. You already have a resistance to the other person. If you meet again, you can just say no. But the probability of you meeting again is very small. Some people will change. You have the initiative to choose whether to continue or not.

②: Respect your feelings and put yourself first.

Remember that other people's comments, opinions, and suggestions don't affect you. You're the only one who can decide what you do. You can choose not to listen to other people's opinions. Learn to stay away from people who make you feel uncomfortable.

③. Stay independent: mentally, personally, and financially. It's important to have your own thoughts and principles. If someone violates your principles, you can stand up for yourself.

Believe in yourself, stay confident, and think about how others act.

To understand others, you must first understand yourself. This lets you tell which views and opinions are true and which are not. You can only do this if you understand yourself. This also lets you see if someone is lying or hiding the truth.

I hope the questioner can become confident and accept themselves. They can also learn some psychology on the Yi Xinli platform. This will help them understand themselves and others better.

I hope this helps the questioner.

Hello! If someone is hurting you, walk away.

We should stay away from each other to avoid being hurt. Here is what I think about this situation.

First, we talked about our hobbies. We discovered our interests were the same. This is called "imitation." Later, she was vindictive. She blamed others and told us to deal with things between friends. This is called "assimilation." Finally, she said bad things about our friends and boyfriends. This is called "control." When all the stages are complete, our mental world will become boring. We will distrust and be anxious towards those around us.

What should we do?

Stay away from the source. When faced with these people, stay far away.

To distance yourself, you have to differentiate yourself.

If someone has the same hobbies or personality as us, we should be careful.

Second, become more self-differentiated. This means being able to think clearly about everyday life without letting emotions get in the way.

You can increase self-differentiation by doing things alone.

Third, when we're unsure, believe. After such events, we see things differently and doubt everyone around us.

The world is dirty, but there is also a hint of hope. Stay true to yourself. Trust others, be positive, and care for those who care about you.

I hope these answers help!