Fear of others being better than oneself, not too hardworking, unable to persist, what to do?

Hello, classmate. I understand your feelings, and I'm here to help.

In school, there's always a clear distinction between students who excel and those who don't.

We also envy those students with excellent grades, who are "other people's children."

We compare our academic performance with that of other students.

However, this comparison makes me increasingly frustrated.

It is imperative that we recognize there are mountains beyond mountains and people beyond people.

We must understand that there are geniuses in this world, and the same is true in learning.

The teacher only has to explain it once.

Outstanding students can understand it at once.

Those who are average find it difficult to understand.

For those who are poor students, this is nonsense.

It is normal for you to compete with each other in learning. This can also inspire your fighting spirit.

However, if we pursue this kind of fighting spirit too much, we will only focus on the results.

This pursuit is pointless. It will only cause us pain.

We must not take the advantages of others and compare them with our own shortcomings.

The strengths of others are for our reference and learning. We should ask others for advice about other people's excellent learning methods, not compare ourselves to them.

Classmate, you are already very good. You just need to keep doing what you're doing.

Don't waste your time comparing yourself to others. It will only cause you more pressure and disappointment.

Absorb the strengths of others to compensate for your weaknesses.

We can and should ask our outstanding classmates for advice. We can learn from their excellent learning methods to compensate for some of our shortcomings.

Classmate, remember this: We need to set goals to improve ourselves.

Forget about comparing your goals to your current grades.

Absorb the strengths of others to compensate for your weaknesses. Learn more about others' better learning methods.

These are my thoughts, and I am confident they will be helpful.

Hello, I am Xia Fan, a listening therapist. I can feel your anxiety and helplessness when facing people who are better than you. I can give you a warm and loving hug. At school, I often worry that the people around me are better than me. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I can't catch up with others. I envy other people's excellence and blame myself for my inadequacy. I can understand your inner conflict. We can analyze and improve it in the following two ways:

When faced with someone who is better than you, you may feel inadequate and anxious. You may even feel scared and nervous. This is the inferiority complex at work. We all have a sense of inferiority. This sense of inferiority motivates us to strive for superiority as a form of psychological compensation.

It has two sides: it can make people feel panic, but it can also be a driving force for self-improvement. Use its positive side to help and achieve yourself.

We must also identify whether we have been subjected to blame or comparison in our upbringing. This can lead to a sense of inadequacy that becomes internalized and shapes our self-perception.

We can also learn from outstanding people to improve our own studies. When we accept our shortcomings and inferiority complex, our hearts will become calm and peaceful.

Everyone has their own talents. Find out where yours lie and learn from the strengths of outstanding people to become a better person. See these people as resources, not problems.

I highly recommend two books: Inferiority Complex and Transcendence and Cognitive Awakening. They will undoubtedly be helpful to you, and I wish you all the best!

Hello, the questioner! It's like seeing a friend face-to-face when you read the words.

Although the description is short, it doesn't affect my feelings. You are confused: at school, you are afraid that your classmates and friends are better than you. Although you are also studying, you always feel that you are not making as much progress as they are. When you see others achieve outstanding results, it always makes you feel a little shaky. But here's the thing:

When I sort through these things, I feel that you really see your own feelings very clearly, which is a very valuable ability.

Let's dive in and talk about this!

You said, "I'm always afraid that my classmates and friends are better than me," and then, "I'm studying, but I always feel like I'm not improving as much as they are." - What I want to know about this is:

1. When did this amazing journey of self-discovery begin?

2. What impressed you before this state of affairs occurred?

3. I'd love to hear more about your goals for your grades!

4. I'd love to know what it was like when you were at your absolute best during the learning process!

5. What were you hoping for when you felt that amazing "thrill in the heart"?

I'm so excited to share the next five points with you! They're designed to help you connect with the child inside you who feels a lack of power. And here's something really cool: I want to tell you that your anxiety and powerlessness have always been shared by another partner. So, if you had the chance to chat with your inner child, what would you talk about?

Then you say, "I know I shouldn't be jealous of others, but I can only hate myself for my inadequacies." From this sentence, I actually feel three words: not allowed. This leads to a few directions worth thinking about:

1. What makes you feel that "you shouldn't be jealous of others"?

2. I'd love to know what you're specifically worried about!

3. Imagine if I told you that there is also a driving force behind jealousy and hatred. What would you think?

I want to tell you something really important. It's about your heart. I can see that you want to become as good as them. And that's great! It's totally normal. But I want to show you another way of looking at it.

Think about it. It is because you felt "jealous" and "hate" your classmates' and friends' achievements in the process that you had the strength to focus more on yourself to "compete" with them in terms of academic performance, right? — When you are a student, most of your peers want to do better in school, and that's a great thing!

However, students are also ordinary people. And that's a good thing! They have so much more to offer than just academic performance. There are many things that are more important than academic performance, such as life experience and life itself.

So behind this desire, I want to show you another knot that is trapping you. It is called internal depletion. You have exerted yourself too hard in the desire section, hurting yourself. The pain goes deep, and it has developed into self-attack. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

I'm thrilled to see that you've opened your awareness and created an outlet for the release of your internal depletion. As I mentioned at the beginning, your excellent self-awareness is a truly valuable ability. Make sure you cherish it and put it to good use!

You are a unique being in this world, and that's a wonderful thing! So, be your true self and enjoy it!

Take the best care of yourself!

Dear friend, I empathize with your predicament. It is not uncommon to experience feelings of unease and anxiety when confronted with the accomplishments of others. Many individuals confront similar challenges as they mature. This is particularly prevalent when one perceives that they have not attained the same level of achievement.

This sentiment may arise from doubts about one's self-worth or apprehensions about a competitive environment. These emotions indicate that you are a driven and demanding individual, which are highly valuable traits.

In the field of psychology, the "social comparison theory," first proposed by psychologist Leon Festinger in 1954, posits that individuals tend to evaluate their abilities and opinions by comparing themselves to others.

This comparison can be either upward or downward. When one observes the achievements of others that are perceived to be outstanding, it may give rise to feelings of unease. This phenomenon is a form of competitive psychology that is universal to all human beings.

Social comparison is a fundamental aspect of human nature, capable of motivating individuals while also eliciting frustration. However, it is essential to recognize that each individual's journey is distinct, encompassing unique strengths and weaknesses. Consequently, one's value should not be determined solely by comparisons with others.

It is important to recognize that any effort or progress, regardless of its magnitude, is worthy of acknowledgment and celebration.

Such sentiments may arise from doubts about one's self-worth, a common experience among many individuals. However, one's value is not contingent on the achievements of others but rather on one's intrinsic qualities, benevolence towards others, and sincerity towards oneself.

It is important to accept one's imperfections. Given that everyone has their own learning curve, it is unproductive to question one's worth based on the progress of others.

It is recommended that one turn one's attention to self-growth and self-acceptance. Furthermore, one should endeavor to celebrate one's minor achievements, regardless of how inconsequential they may appear.

It is advisable to set personal goals and to concentrate on one's own achievements, rather than on the accomplishments of others. If comparison is inevitable, it is more beneficial to compare oneself with one's previous self, rather than with others.

It is important to consider the progress that has been made, rather than focusing on the remaining tasks.

It is important to note that feelings of jealousy and self-criticism can impede one's personal growth. When such emotions arise, it is beneficial to attempt to reframe them in a more constructive and positive manner.

It is important to recognize that everyone learns at their own pace and on their own path. Attempting to compare oneself to others often proves to be an ineffective strategy for achieving positive results. However, it is possible to transform feelings of jealousy into motivation, thereby inspiring oneself to study harder.

Furthermore, it is important to practice self-compassion. Everyone has shortcomings, but it is essential to accept one's imperfections and believe in one's capacity for growth and improvement. Engaging in activities that one is naturally adept at can also contribute to the development of self-confidence.

This can assist in recognizing one's own distinctive value.

Additionally, it is important to recognize the value in the achievements of others, rather than viewing them as a threat to one's own success. The accomplishments of others do not diminish one's intrinsic value, but rather offer an opportunity for growth and learning.

It is imperative to recognize that each individual's growth trajectory is inherently distinct. It is therefore unwarranted to subject one's own journey to comparison with the pace of another's. Instead, it is of paramount importance to prioritize one's own growth and well-being.

It is important to note that change does not occur instantaneously. However, with perseverance and dedication, individuals can overcome present obstacles and attain their desired outcomes. Self-belief is a crucial element in this process, as it provides the motivation and resilience needed to navigate challenges and achieve goals.

Good day, question asker. I am Gu Daoxi Fengshou, a heart exploration coach.

Adler posited that all human troubles originate from interpersonal relationships. This is evident in behaviors such as worrying that others are superior or desiring recognition from others, which can be seen as a psychological state of anticipating affirmation.

A narrow focus on outcomes may lead to the neglect of the efforts and processes employed by others. It is also common for individuals to underestimate their own contributions and intentions. A tendency to compare oneself with others can result in a lack of self-awareness, a forgetting of one's own actions, and an inclination towards negativity.

Life can be conceptualized as a line with dots connecting it. It is not possible to accurately assess success or failure until the end of this line is reached. If short-term achievements are likened to sprinting, long-term achievements may be more akin to jogging. Adopting a longer-term perspective may assist the questioner in focusing on their long-term goals and moving beyond the current perspective of comparison.

I would like to recount a personal anecdote to illustrate my point. Throughout my academic career, I consistently demonstrated superior performance in the 100-meter sprint, never failing to achieve a first-place finish. However, in the 800-meter long-distance race, I often began at a slower pace than my competitors. Nevertheless, due to my enhanced endurance, I was able to accelerate midway through the race and ultimately attain a more impressive result than in the sprint.

As the adage states, "You cannot traverse thousands of miles without accumulating minor steps." Focusing on the power of the compound interest curve and establishing a robust foundation for oneself at the outset may facilitate the transition from quantitative change to qualitative change.

Correct comparisons can facilitate positive outcomes, whereas incorrect comparisons can engender negative emotions and self-devaluation. A useful exercise is to compare oneself to one's past self to ascertain whether there has been improvement, which can foster a sense of empowerment. It is also beneficial to identify the characteristics of individuals who are more proficient than oneself, whether it be a superior approach or a greater work ethic. This can provide insight into the direction of one's own improvement.

It is beneficial to identify the desired outcome of one's studies. This may be to perform better than one's classmates or to achieve a specific score that is necessary to gain admission to one's desired educational institution. Alternatively, it may be to be the highest-ranked student in one's school or city. It is also helpful to consider the broader context of one's studies. This can help to prevent the trap of comparison.

Human energy is finite. Focusing on others to the exclusion of one's own needs results in a depletion of personal resources. Reorienting one's attention toward oneself can facilitate personal growth and development.

The act of attempting to accept oneself while simultaneously exhibiting trepidation regarding one's inferiority to others is, in essence, an insufficient act of self-acceptance. The process of attempting to reconcile with oneself, while simultaneously accepting one's shortcomings and recognizing one's strengths, may allow the questioner to establish a learning plan that is more aligned with their individual needs and capabilities.

It is recommended that the following texts be read: "Accepting Imperfection," "5% Change," "A Change of Heart," "Lifelong Growth," and "Allow Yourself to Be Yourself."

I wish you the best of success!

Dear Question Owner, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

Kindly extend a warm embrace.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing to express my concerns regarding my performance at school. I am constantly worried that my classmates and friends are outperforming me. Despite my efforts, I feel that I am not making as much progress as they are. When I see other people achieve outstanding results, I feel a sense of inadequacy. I am aware that I should not be envious of others, but I am unable to overcome my self-doubts. I would be grateful for any advice on how to handle this situation. Yours sincerely,

Questioner, I can discern that you are concerned that others may outperform you, which is understandable given the competitive nature of the environment. However, it's crucial to recognize that anxiety is a cognitive state that shapes our expectations about the future. It's important to distinguish between current and future concerns. If you're anxious about something that hasn't happened yet, it's unlikely to yield positive outcomes. It's beneficial to focus on the present and let go of the things that cause you anxiety.

My first piece of advice is to learn to enjoy the present, as the future is uncertain. There is no guarantee that it will develop in a positive direction. For example, with the college entrance exam, we all hope to do well and get into a good university, but not everyone can. Instead of worrying about things that may not work out in the future, we should focus on making incremental improvements on a daily basis. This will help us lead a more consistent and productive life.

Secondly, the incremental approach. I have been informed that taking a methodical and measured approach is more effective than attempting to achieve a significant amount of progress in a short period of time.

When a task is completed in a short period of time, although some people can achieve good results, most of the time, because they are in a hurry, they either go too far east or too far west. It is better to plan small steps and complete a little bit today and a little bit later tomorrow. It is important to set realistic goals and to complete tasks in a timely manner.

Third, avoid horizontal comparisons and focus on vertical ones instead. By horizontal comparisons, I mean comparing oneself with others, which can lead to an inaccurate perception of one's own progress. Instead, it is more beneficial to compare oneself with a personal baseline. This involves asking questions such as: Is there any progress today compared with yesterday? Is there any progress tomorrow compared with today? Have you made efforts? When can you make some adjustments? These are all good questions worth pondering.

That will be all for now. Best regards, [Name]

Dear questioner, My name is Duo Duo Lian, and it is my hope that my reply will prove useful to you.

One may experience concern that one's friends are more proficient than oneself, that they are also exerting effort, and that one is not improving at a rate commensurate with theirs. One may desire to excel beyond them, yet simultaneously harbor self-doubt and resent one's perceived inadequacies. This kind of energy hinders progress, preventing one from moving forward.

One can appreciate one's own progress while simultaneously worrying that one's friends and classmates are better than oneself. However, the fact that one can compare oneself to them means that one is just as good as one's friends and classmates. Everyone has their own strengths, but do you see your own strengths?

Upon observing the considerable advancement and exemplary outcomes achieved by others, one may experience a sense of excitement. What is the nature of this emotion? What concerns might it evoke? This phenomenon can be understood as a natural aspect of life, characterised by fluctuations between periods of growth and decline. It is not uncommon for individuals to experience a prolonged period of success, and even those who have reached the pinnacle of achievement may encounter challenges. The ability to maintain authenticity in the face of external validation and to persevere in the face of adversity is a defining aspect of wisdom.

If one's classmates and friends are outstanding, and one is in an outstanding circle, it is difficult to imagine that one could be considered anything other than outstanding oneself. One's opponents can serve as a source of inspiration. What kind of classmates and friends are most beneficial?

It is important to be grateful for the excellence of one's classmates and friends. The mere fact that they are excellent does not imply that one is not so. It merely signifies that there is no absolute best, only a constantly evolving concept of better. It is inevitable that there will always be individuals who are stronger than oneself. It is therefore crucial to confront this reality in a calm and methodical manner. The actions and achievements of one's contemporaries can serve as a source of inspiration and motivation, but they should not be viewed as a measure of one's own worth.

It is imperative to love oneself. Life is transient; therefore, one must live in the present. The past is immutable, and the future is unknowable. It is crucial to focus on oneself and to strive for continuous improvement. One should compare oneself to oneself, noting progress made from one day to the next.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, question owner! Let me give you a big, warm hug first!

I see your question and I'm excited to answer it! From your description, I can tell that you're already aware of the current state of things. That's a great start! Here's some more info that I think you'll find useful:

First of all, understand that everyone has their own rhythm and pace, and don't be too demanding of yourself to keep up with others. Affirm your own value and uniqueness! There's so much more to you than just your academic or work performance.

Embrace your shortcomings as incredible opportunities for growth!

2. Set learning or work goals based on your own situation and interests, rather than blindly following the pace of others. Breaking goals down into achievable small steps is a great way to maintain motivation and reduce frustration!

3. Set a clear study plan, including daily or weekly study tasks and a timetable. Follow the plan and work hard to implement it, gradually forming good study habits. You can do it!

4. Make learning a fun challenge! Find a source of motivation for learning, such as your own personal interest or future plans.

5. Don't be afraid to share your feelings and confusion with friends, family, or teachers! They're there to support you and encourage you to succeed. Join study groups or clubs to learn and exchange experiences with others.

6. Don't focus too much on the performance of others, but instead focus on your own amazing growth and progress! Record your learning outcomes and progress to boost your self-confidence and motivation.

7. Perseverance is one of the keys to success! Learn to face difficulties and setbacks without giving up easily. Develop the habit of self-discipline, such as setting regular study times and avoiding distractions. You can do it!

8. It's time for a review! Check in with your study plan and methods to see how you're doing. Reflect on your learning process, identify areas for improvement, and get excited about new ways to grow!

Believe in yourself! You have the ability to achieve anything you set your mind to. Hard work will lead to progress and success. Remember, growth is a continuous process, so enjoy the journey. Be patient and confident!

If you feel too stressed or unable to adjust yourself, you can absolutely seek help from a professional counselor! They can provide more specific advice and support.

I really hope the above can be of some inspiration and help to you. I can't wait to meet a better you! And the world loves you with us!

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu from Xin Tan, and I would like to discuss this topic with you.

Firstly, it is important to discuss the concept of comparison. In recent years, the term "competition" has become a prevalent catchphrase. It appears that we have entered a society characterised by intense competition and comparison. It is possible that individuals are unable to find moments of leisure amidst their hectic schedules, and that their interests lie elsewhere, such as music, chess, calligraphy, painting, wine, or flowers. It seems that anxiety and worry have become a common state of mind in society.

In a dynamic social environment, it is inevitable that individuals will engage in comparison with others. This is a natural process through which we assess our personal attitude, abilities, and social value, with the aim of making an accurate evaluation of ourselves. The greater the similarity between the individual being compared and ourselves, the stronger the sense of comparison. This is because similar experiences create a sense of shared starting points, prompting the question: why are they better than us?

As the original poster stated, during my academic career, I was consistently concerned that my classmates were more proficient than I was, and I was frequently envious when I observed their accomplishments.

It is evident that we are inclined to perceive the outwardly glamorous aspects of others, and these perceptions may indeed reflect reality. However, as the "iceberg theory" posits, the portion of the iceberg visible above the surface represents merely one-tenth of its total mass. It is plausible that your classmates' starting points diverge from yours, that you have not identified their talents, observed their efforts, or acknowledged their persistence.

Individuals inhabit disparate life situations and circumstances, and comparison often engenders invisible anxiety and pressure. Adler's concept of separation elucidates the necessity to recognize that each person is a unique entity, distinct from others, and that the pursuit of conformity is unnecessary.

It is possible to evaluate oneself, one's academic strengths, one's learning methods, and one's understanding of one's own energy and focus in an objective manner. This process can facilitate progress in one's studies. However, it is important to recognize that weaknesses may also exist, which could manifest as a lack of perseverance, a lack of drive, or an excessive number of concerns, among other possibilities.

One can endeavor to accept oneself, recognizing that despite imperfections, one is striving for improvement.

One must endeavor to dispel the haze of comparison, cease to fret over uncontrollable comparisons, and refrain from being unduly influenced by upward comparisons. It is sometimes beneficial to simply express gratitude for the present moment, to engage in self-comparison, and to recognize the positive aspects of one's own self-perception, even when there is only minimal progress.

Let us consider the importance of self-love. The original poster demonstrated the ability to recognize her emotions in a timely manner and possesses well-defined values. Therefore, it is essential to prioritize self-care, which encompasses not only physical well-being but also emotional well-being.

It is also recommended to seek assistance, as the immediate overcoming of this issue may prove challenging. It is advised to identify a family member or friend who can provide positive support and guidance. Should the need arise, it is also possible to consult with a counselor, as emotional expression can facilitate the alleviation of distress and the resolution of internal obstacles.

We permit ourselves to experience occasional feelings of envy, a sense of inadequacy, and instances where we may not exert sufficient effort or persevere as much as we could. These are all aspects of life that we must navigate, and they are all lives that are worth celebrating. It is essential to maintain a belief in oneself and to persevere through these experiences.

It is recommended that the reader consult the following text: "You Are the Answer."

Hi, I'm Jokerev. I get it, friend. I've been there.

At school, we're often impressed by how well our classmates do, and we might even feel a bit of pressure and self-doubt. This is totally normal, because we all want to improve and succeed.

First of all, I want to say that your motivation to improve yourself and pursue excellence is a very valuable quality. It's the source of strength that drives you to keep moving forward. The feeling of jealousy may come from high expectations of yourself, which reminds you that there is room for improvement. It's not a sign that you don't deserve success.

However, we need to learn to adjust our mentality and turn the success of others into motivation rather than pressure. You can look at it this way: everyone grows at a different pace, just as flowers bloom sooner or later, and trees grow faster or slower. Their achievements are the result of their hard work, and every effort and persistence you make is equally worthy of respect and pride.

It's better to focus on your own path, set reasonable goals, and create an effective learning plan than to worry about how fast and far others have gone.

Also, think about this: the value of comparison is in stimulating potential, not in self-suppression. Try to build cooperative and mutually supportive relationships with others, share learning resources, encourage each other, and make progress together.

Such an environment will help you handle competition better and also allow you to gain more friends and support as you grow.

Finally, philosophers often say, "Know thyself and accept thyself." Every journey is different. Your value isn't based on whether you're faster or higher than others, but on how you understand the world, how you shape yourself, and how you influence others with kindness and perseverance along the way.

I believe that if you keep working hard and never give up your love of knowledge and exploration, you will be able to find your own starry sky and shine with a unique light.

So, take it easy, have faith in yourself, set your own pace, and go for it!

Greetings.

First, one must mentally eliminate internal conflicts and reduce emotions such as fear, jealousy, and resentment (towards oneself). It is important to recognize that each of these emotions is a means of satisfying one's desire for control, recognition, or security. They are merely a hindrance to one's actions. One does not need to aspire to become a certain type of person in order to become that person. It is precisely these thoughts of "wanting to be XXX" that prevent one from acting on one's own, because it repeatedly emphasizes one's position of "not being XXX."

It is unclear whether this is a viable objective.

It would be beneficial to examine the underlying reasons for your reluctance to "try harder and persevere." This state of being is one in which you feel more comfortable, and it is also the state in which you desire to be.

This is not inherently problematic; however, there seems to be a resistance to the notion of not exerting effort. It would be beneficial to first release this resistance.

Subsequently, action may be undertaken.

It is currently unnecessary to exert significant effort. This indicates that there is minimal cognitive activity and minimal mental exertion involved.

The exertion of effort inevitably entails a certain degree of sacrifice. When one is compelled to exert considerable effort in pursuit of a goal, it is indicative of an underlying challenge or obstacle that must be surmounted.

Once the aforementioned issues have been addressed, one can act with a sense of tranquility, as there are no longer any concerns. Self-acceptance and a sense of security have been achieved.

Please do not hesitate to communicate further if you have any further questions or concerns. Best regards,