Feel unable to make myself happy, how to adjust?

Good day.

Your words indicate a proclivity for losing your temper. It is essential to develop the ability to recognize and regulate your emotions. The following are strategies for maintaining a positive outlook and resisting emotional manipulation:

First, it is important to be aware of your own emotions. This can be achieved by asking yourself, "What are my emotions right now?"

As an illustration, if you address your colleague in a harsh manner due to your tardiness for a meeting, it would be beneficial to inquire of yourself, "Why did I do that? How do I feel now?"

If you recognize that you are irritated with your colleague for repeatedly being late, you can better manage your emotions. Many individuals believe that expressing negative emotions is unacceptable, so they avoid acknowledging them. It is essential to understand that emotions are a natural part of the human experience and suppressing them can lead to adverse outcomes. Developing an awareness of your emotions is the first step in effectively managing them.

Secondly, it is important to express your emotions in an appropriate manner. To illustrate this point, consider the following example: a friend is late for a scheduled meeting. You are upset because you were left waiting and are concerned for their safety. In this case, you could tactfully inform them that you are worried and that they have not arrived on time.

"It is important to convey the feeling of concern to the other party, so that they understand the impact of their actions on you. What are examples of inappropriate expressions?

For example, if you accuse him of being late for every date, he may respond with an excuse such as, "There was traffic."

"Don't you think I want to be on time?" This type of response often leads to a negative outcome, such as an argument or a less than ideal date.

The appropriate expression of emotions is a skill that requires careful consideration and experimentation. It is also essential to apply this in real-life situations.

Third, it is important to release emotions in a constructive manner. There are various ways to release emotions, including expressing them through tears, sharing them with close friends, engaging in leisure activities such as shopping, listening to music, taking a walk, or engaging in other activities to avoid dwelling on the unpleasantness. However, it is crucial to avoid more extreme measures such as alcohol consumption, speeding, or even self-harm.

It is important to remember that the purpose of emotional relief is to provide an opportunity for clear thinking and a sense of well-being that can help you face the future with greater energy. If the method of emotional relief merely involves temporarily escaping from pain, only to face more pain later, this is not a suitable approach.

If you feel uncomfortable, address the issue head-on and determine the root cause of your distress. What steps can you take to avoid repeating the same mistakes in the future?

What steps can be taken to reduce my unhappiness? Will this have a negative impact?

Select the method that best suits your needs and effectively manage your emotions. This will enable you to take control of your emotions rather than allowing them to control you.

It is also crucial to adopt a mindset that embraces the ebbs and flows of life. Character development is vital, as an individual's mindset can significantly impact their mental outlook and physical well-being.

One of the most effective ways to achieve a calm and detached state of mind, where emotions are not swayed by external factors, is to maintain mental balance.

It is important to maintain an open mind, remain calm, and approach life with a normal attitude. Contentment and happiness are also key. In addition, it is beneficial to adopt an optimistic and open-minded outlook.

I hope this information is useful to you.

Greetings. I am a heart exploration coach. I will provide a supportive and empathetic presence as you share your experiences.

As a fellow mother, I can comprehend your sentiments. It is evident that you hold a profound affection for your child, yet you perceive yourself to be lacking in the capacity to effectively address their impatience and anxiety. Additionally, you experience a sense of rejection and denial.

You are questioning your ability to love your child. You are also experiencing self-doubt regarding your ability to care for your child adequately.

As previously stated, love is an ability. Since it is an ability, it can be learned and cultivated after birth to achieve growth and improvement.

I am pleased to observe that you have already embarked upon a trajectory of learning, self-help, self-healing, and growth.

Let us now examine the issue that is causing you distress. Initially, I will offer you a warm embrace.

Many individuals express a desire to be a good mother. However, there are instances when one's temperament makes it challenging to maintain control.

Why do I persist in inflicting harm upon my child without just cause?

The question is, then, how to reconcile these seemingly contradictory desires.

This is due to a lack of self-knowledge.

This is due to a lack of self-knowledge.

An essential prerequisite for effective parenting is the ability to understand one's own relationship with one's parents and one's relationship with a nurturing figure.

It is possible that despite having read numerous parenting books and mastered a variety of techniques, a lack of introspective understanding may result in the inability to implement these methods effectively. In such cases, the techniques may prove to be either transiently effective or inapplicable.

At this juncture, it may be beneficial to engage in introspective reflection on one's upbringing. If one were to envision oneself in the role of a child, how would one desire to be treated by one's parents?

When viewed from this perspective, a shift in perspective may occur, leading to a deeper understanding of the child.

When viewed from this perspective, a shift in perspective may occur, leading to a deeper understanding of the child.

A significant proportion of new mothers exhibit a tendency to be highly critical of themselves, frequently experiencing a sense of inadequacy in their parenting abilities.

Such mothers often demand perfection of themselves as mothers, which may be a result of a lack of sufficient love and attention received during their own childhood. This can lead to the belief that a perfect mother will take care of them.

Such mothers often demand perfection of themselves as mothers, which may be a result of their own childhood experiences of receiving inadequate love and forming an idealized image of a perfect mother figure who would provide them with care and protection.

Upon becoming mothers themselves, they unconsciously impose this idealized image of the perfect mother upon themselves. As previously stated, they are profoundly influenced by their original family.

Conversely, this results in the mother experiencing her own feelings of tension and helplessness.

In the infantile stage of development, the interaction between the child and the mother occurs at the subconscious level. The child is able to perceive the mother's anxiety at the subconscious level and express it directly through their body.

The child is communicating the anxiety and restlessness caused by the mother's state, which manifests as crying, insomnia, restlessness, and agitation.

If the mother can maintain a state of calm, relaxation, and inner peace, she will create an atmosphere of tranquility for her child, who will then exhibit natural signs of refreshment, quietude, and contentment.

The concept of perfection serves to define the role of the mother and the feelings of the child.

There is a plethora of parenting philosophies that can induce stress in parents. What if one is unable to adhere to these philosophies?

It is unnecessary to conceal one's emotions.

It is recommended that parents communicate their emotional states directly to their children. This should be done in a frank and honest manner, indicating whether they are feeling sad, nervous, or anxious, for example, as a result of external factors.

As a result, the child will accept the parent's negative emotional state with an open heart. Furthermore, this process can assist the parent in eliminating feelings of unease, thereby reducing the child's need for caution.

It is not necessary for parents to be perfect; what is required is a genuine and authentic approach to parenting.

In the event of experiencing genuine annoyance with one's child, it is possible to convey this to them in a frank manner, stating, "I am currently experiencing a mood that makes it difficult for me to agree to your request. This is an issue that I am facing independently, rather than a reflection of your actions."

In communicating with one's child, it is essential to be transparent about one's feelings and the underlying causes of those feelings. Blaming the child is counterproductive and hinders the development of a healthy relationship.

In communicating with one's child, it is essential to be candid about one's feelings and the circumstances that precipitated them. Blaming the child is a futile and unproductive approach.

In this manner, the child's subconscious feelings and consciousness will remain intact, preventing any potential for emotional distress.

When individuals are able to assume responsibility for their own emotions, their children will be less likely to be adversely affected by the emotions of others.

When we are willing to acknowledge the possibility of difficulties, the potential for shortcomings in our relationship with our children, and our willingness to adapt, we can accept that it is acceptable to experience these challenges even if we are unable to fully resolve them.

Provided that one is aware of one's shortcomings and is willing to acknowledge them, one can be considered an adequate mother.

It is not necessary to be perfect.

In the event that an issue remains unresolved despite considerable effort, it may be beneficial to acknowledge its presence.

The notion of the "perfect mother" is a facade; the authentic mother is characterized by warmth.

Notwithstanding the challenges, she has cultivated a genuine connection with her child. This mother is authentically present with her heart and emotions.

It is recommended that you read the book The Present Moment, which posits that a beneficial approach to self-care is to practice letting go.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you. [Parenting Help] We extend a warm welcome to you and encourage you to join us. You can find us on the app homepage, in the news section, or in the community section.

It is my sincere hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial to you. I extend a warm welcome to you to join us at [Parenting Help]. You can find us on the app homepage, in the news section, or in the community section.

Should you wish to continue the communication, you may click on the option entitled "Find a coach," which is located in the upper right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. This will enable me to communicate with you and facilitate your growth on a one-to-one basis.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm a pretty modest and unassuming person, and I try to stay true to myself.

Reading your description, I feel a little sad for no reason.

It's important to understand what makes you happy.

Some people are lucky enough to heal their whole lives with their childhood. Others are unlucky enough to heal their childhood with their whole lives. The description says that you have an inner need to be happy because of problems in your family of origin. But you can't make yourself happy. You also don't have a good way to deal with your children, which causes conflict and pain.

Then, as adults, we should take a good look at what we really want. How can we make ourselves happy, and how can we make our children happy?

If our own childhood experiences have made us less happy, we try to ensure that our children don't have the same experience.

When we first become adults and face our children, we tend to use our parents' behavior as our standard and follow their example, hoping to learn from them and become better parents. However, some factors that we have projected into our character since childhood will begin to emerge when faced with our children. At this time, it's important to ask ourselves, "Why did we have children?" and "How can we make things better?"

If having children can bring happiness, then we should take the first step and let our children guide us to change, while we also calm down and enjoy the time with our kids.

What can we do to improve the current situation?

It's not easy to improve the parent-child relationship and self-adjustment. At the same time, we should take a step closer to understanding the parent-child relationship. Perhaps the most extraordinary meaning of the arrival of a child for parents is that they can better understand themselves and become a better version of themselves.

This is an important step for you as a parent, one that requires inner change and adjustment.

I think it's great that you're trying to be as involved as possible with your child. It's clear that you love your child, but you're struggling to adjust. Patience is a virtue, right? So, can we view spending time with our children as a kind of test for ourselves? It's a chance to spend time with our children as friends, get to know their character traits, and spend more time together in the process of getting to know each other and healing together.

We can also gain more psychological insights and appreciation from the sidelines. Family members often have more intense disagreements than friends, but also more relaxed and taken-for-granted interactions.

We all have relationships that bring excitement and losses, as well as preconceptions. If you're having a bit of trouble getting along with your child, try being friends and switching things up.

Being a parent is a process that helps us understand ourselves better and change for the better. So, we should try to build a close relationship with our kids, but we also need to be ready to let them grow up and go their own way. That way, we can learn to be happy on our own and focus on our own development.

Wishing you the best of luck!

Hello! I'm sending you a warm hug from afar.

You should be praised for being aware of your emotional state. Good awareness is the beginning of good change.

There is no such thing as a good or bad emotion. Every emotion is a sign that you have an unmet expectation or need. When you are aware of your emotional state, you can use this awareness to deliberately adjust your emotions so that you don't express them emotionally, causing greater harm to yourself and those around you.

Don't feel guilty or harsh with yourself just because you have emotions. Get along with your emotions, explore and be aware of the needs behind them, and then express your needs in a better way. For example, tell your family your needs directly.

Keep an emotional diary to record your emotions in words. This will help you perceive and understand your emotions, get along with them, explore the hidden needs behind them, and seek better ways and methods to respond to and satisfy your needs. Give yourself these needs and responses through your own efforts. When you feel physically and mentally exhausted, respect that moment and your true physical and mental needs. Allow yourself to rest for a while, or in any other way that makes you feel comfortable, so that your body and mind can rest. Cultivate the ability to care for yourself through self-awareness and attempts to satisfy your own needs.

You must take responsibility for your own needs. No one else is obliged to give you what you need. You have to give yourself what you need first.

I am Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Center. The world and I love you.

Hello!

From your question, I can tell you're confused and unable to sort things out. You're also irritated and anxious. Let's analyze your state together and identify the confusion.

You may not have yet come to terms with the influence of your own family of origin, which has led you to believe that you lack the ability to make yourself happy. The influence of the "family of origin" on a person is indeed very great. Everyone's childhood experiences will affect their views of the world and the outside world.

Many behaviors in adulthood are carried over from childhood. The strongest emotions experienced in childhood inevitably become the feelings we often have as adults. Everyone has the most primitive emotions: happiness, anger, affection, sadness, and fear.

These are all emotions that are innate and do not need to be learned. Therefore, happiness is one of the most basic human emotions. However, the questioner said that they do not feel happy, as if this switch has been turned off. We must find out what has turned it off and how.

You need to go back in time and see what happened and how it affected you. Connect with your emotions and understand them.

Seek help from a professional counselor to identify and understand these emotions.

If your child (8.5 years old, boy) doesn't go to bed after 9 pm, you will feel bad, become impatient, and often feel disgusted with your child. You love your child from the bottom of your heart, but you don't know how to love or you don't love in the right way. You will be more reluctant to get close to your child. Similarly, we need to figure out why a child who doesn't go to bed at 9 pm makes you overreact so much. What is your anxiety?

You're worried that your child isn't getting enough sleep, which will affect their learning the next day. Or, your child is challenging your authority and not listening to you.

We can only communicate with the child in a targeted manner once we figure this out. So, tell me, what were your feelings at that moment when you rejected your child's intimate contact?

I want to know exactly what is in that part that rejects. I want to understand the reasons for your "rejection."

We must first understand where they come from. Only then can we truly get to know ourselves and understand what's going on with us.

It's clear that reading psychology books hasn't changed much, and the writing is quite confusing. This shows that you are both highly demanding and strict with yourself, and you are full of criticism.

I'm going to tell you how to grow. There are two parts to this. The first is reading psychology books. The second is inner growth. Inner growth takes a long time. It's like growing from a child to an adult.

Attend salons and book clubs at local psychological institutions. You will grow faster in a community!

Self-assessment: Self-criticism is the most damaging form of criticism because it causes people to punish and torture themselves severely. This condemnation and punishment can last a lifetime, becoming a life sentence.

Once you realize this, you need to care for yourself more, accept yourself more, give yourself more understanding, and allow yourself to fail. Look at what you can do, look at how hard it is for you, and love yourself more!

Similarly, when you calm down, observe your inner self more and identify the source of these voices of criticism and judgment. Ask yourself: is it really true?

I am confident that my reply will provide the questioner with some small help. Best wishes!

Hello, host. I hope my answer is helpful.

As a mother, I understand your feelings very well. As a daughter, I also know how much influence the original family can have on oneself. Seeing that you are actively studying psychology, I think this will definitely help you to some extent. However, it takes more than one day to accumulate three feet of ice, and we cannot solve the problems that have accumulated over the years overnight. But I believe that as long as we are willing to grow, the problems will definitely be solved slowly.

You said you often feel disgusted with your kids. I'd love to know how your parents were with you. Is there a similar pattern?

How did your parents' parents treat them? Do you think there's a similar pattern?

Our behavior is often shaped by experiences from our childhood. If we don't take the time to reflect and grow, we may unconsciously fall into a cycle. There may seem to be no reason, but there is often a reason behind our actions.

I once heard a very moving story about a married woman. One of her biggest problems in her marriage was that she felt her husband could never understand her. It was as if he could never understand how she felt, could never sympathize with her sadness or grief, and could never offer her support. But her husband's response was, "My wife is always so strong. I never know when she is vulnerable, sad, or upset. She has never told me that she needs me."

When you hear the two of them express themselves, do you find yourself wondering what's going on?

When you hear the two of them express themselves, does it make you curious? So what is going on in the middle?

It seems to be about the relationship between these sad feelings of the husband and wife. The wife wants to soothe these tender feelings, these injuries, sadness, grief, and helplessness, but perhaps we need to look deeper to see how this wife, this woman, relates to this part of herself.

So, when we look into this, the woman realizes that she doesn't want to explore and acknowledge the feelings that make her feel vulnerable and sad. She's never wanted to see them or express them, so she's longing for her husband to see them.

Maybe we should look into what happened and why she pushed these feelings away so strongly.

Maybe we should look into what happened and why she pushed these feelings away so strongly. Do you see the contradiction?

I wanted someone to see me and comfort me, but I also pushed them away, feeling like they were bad and terrible.

So, when we look back at her childhood, we can see that her mother was very strong. She almost never saw her mother cry. Since she was young, she was severely reprimanded whenever she showed her vulnerability, such as crying or feeling helpless. The message her mother conveyed was that people must never show weakness and that she needed to be strong. When we look deeper into her mother's childhood, we can see that her mother was actually the eldest child in the family. She lost both her parents at a very young age, so she had to be strong to protect the vulnerable part of herself. If she showed her vulnerability, she might face life and death. How was she going to survive?

She's not only taking care of herself, but also of her many siblings.

So when this woman had the chance to look back on her childhood and see her mother's growth, she finally understood herself better. And when she listened carefully, she had the chance to hear the voice of that little girl. When she showed her vulnerability, she wanted someone to stroke her hair and say, "It's okay to be sad, I'm still here, I'm with you." She started making some new decisions and attempts for herself and started truly touching and listening to those deep and soft feelings within her.

She's also working on expressing these feelings.

It's still a challenge for her to express her vulnerability and needs to others. It's a difficult process, but she's making progress.

When she described this scene, she said, "Maybe there is still a long way to go in the relationship between my husband and me, but what I see now is that I am holding my own hand. I have become the one who longs to hear my inner feelings and soothe me. I am trying to become my best friend."

What were your thoughts after hearing this story? What did you feel inside?

What were your thoughts after hearing this story? What did you feel inside?

What comes to mind? Maybe I should ask you to go deeper within yourself, to those relationships that cause you pain and are external, perhaps with your parents, partner, or children. Maybe those relationships are like a mirror, and in a certain way they reflect your relationship with yourself.

So, are you ready to take a good look at yourself and listen to yourself?

Maybe, since you were young, you've been waiting for someone to value you, understand you, and comfort you. Would you be willing to become the person you've been waiting for today?

Yes, a lot of our current emotions and feelings aren't necessarily just our immediate emotions. Sometimes they're mixed with bad experiences from our past. This is something we need to be aware of and explore constantly. It's not a quick process, but it's a long journey. However, you'll find that by exploring your inner self, you'll understand yourself more and more and become more aware of yourself. At the same time, you'll become more powerful.

In this process, we can use some methods as tools to release our emotions at the time, help us better see the changes within us, and also help us maintain a more stable state. When you feel emotional, you can often use the following methods to release emotions:

1. Use the method of writing therapy to write down all your inner feelings and thoughts on paper. You don't need to worry about whether the handwriting is clear and neat, or about the logic of the content, just express your feelings as best you can.

Writing therapy is a form of expressive writing used for the purpose of healing oneself. It's a way of writing that's more introverted, directed inward toward the mind itself. The basic purpose is catharsis and expression. It's different from other practical genres of writing, like literature, plays, and novels, which are more extroverted.

Psychoanalytic theory shows that the root of writing is the subconscious, which is the deepest part of the mind. So, expressive writing is a way to make the subconscious conscious.

So, writing has a healing effect.

When you write, you not only feel your deep emotions, express your deep needs, think about deep understandings, but you also sublimate the deep mind.

When you're writing, you don't have to worry about making it perfect or making sure it makes sense. This method is just a way to learn to communicate with yourself and listen to what you need and what scares you...

When we honestly record what's going on in the moment and our inner feelings without holding back, we're really putting our trust in life.

When you're writing, you need to open your heart and mind to what you're doing. You need to record what's going on in front of you and express your feelings directly.

"Writing for the Soul" says that if you've been writing poorly for three months, it means that you've been holding onto that poor writing for much longer. When you write it out in a cathartic way, you'll explore those shadows in your heart that you've always been reluctant to face.

If you stop avoiding your own thoughts, you'll be less worried about what other people think.

The idea behind writing therapy is that it doesn't teach you how to write beautifully. Instead, it helps you explore yourself through writing, which in turn helps you present a beautiful mind.

2. If you can't find the right person to talk to, you can use the empty chair technique. Just imagine the person you want to talk to (someone who can give you support, encouragement and comfort) is sitting in the chair, and then talk to them as much as you like. You can also imagine the person you want to scold is sitting in the chair, and then express yourself as much as you like (anger and scolding are fine).

3. Make a habit of noting three good things that happen in your life each day. This can help you feel more positive and enhance your sense of well-being.

It's interesting to think that our ancestors in ancient times needed to rely on anxiety to survive and cope with dangers such as floods and wild animals. However, modern life is long free of those dangers, yet the anxiety gene is still there, so we get a lot of anxiety from a little danger. But in reality, we are not dealing with a big tiger, just a little kitten. So, relax, life is not that bad...

It's a good idea to record three positive experiences each day to boost your happiness levels.

All you have to do is write down one sentence for each event. You can add a sentence of thanks to upgrade it to a grateful event. Record what makes you happy in life, and what you have done. It can be as small as calling a good friend or as big as passing an exam. If there is someone to be grateful to, you can thank yourself, your family, friends, nature...

While you're writing, think about how this event makes you feel. After you've written it, you can share it with your family, friends, or even strangers. You can also invite your family and friends to take part together.

Have confidence in yourself and you can achieve happiness and positivity. Best of luck to you!

Hello, After reading your description, I get the sense that you're blaming yourself, that you're in a bad mood, impatient, and resentful towards your child. You're coming to the conclusion that you either don't know how to love or that you're not loving in the right way, and you feel that there must be a reason for this within you.

Have you noticed that you haven't been laughing much lately? Do you think you're incapable of making yourself happy?

I agree that it takes practice to learn how to make yourself happy.

You're right—being happy is a skill. I have a friend who is happy all the time. I asked him why he was so happy every day and if there were no unhappy things that happened to him.

He said that every day there are many things that happen, some good and some bad, so why not choose the things that make you happy? I think that's right too, so why not give it a try?

I gave it a try for two days and found that it's not easy to make yourself happy. Life isn't always easy, and it often doesn't meet our expectations. It's easier to find unhappy people and things.

It doesn't seem as easy as he says to me to find happiness in life.

Do you recall a time when you felt genuinely happy?

If someone's never been understood, they won't know how to understand others or themselves. I'd say that if you haven't made yourself happy for a long time, you've forgotten what it feels like to be happy.

You've forgotten what it's like to be happy, and you often do things that make you unhappy because you've forgotten how to make yourself happy.

Adler, a psychologist, said, "The lucky ones are healed by childhood, the unfortunate ones heal childhood throughout their lives." It seems that the happiness your childhood or family of origin can bring you isn't enough to make you easily recall those happy times.

Try to remember more of the things that make you happy and cheerful. What your family of origin couldn't give you, you can give yourself.

## Don't be too hard on yourself. You might actually be doing pretty well in some areas.

I get it. You love your kid and want to be a good mom. So you feel like you're being a bad mom because you're cold-hearted, easily irritable, anxious, and resentful towards your child. You feel like you'll never be able to love him or that you'll love him in the wrong way.

You want to be the best mom you can be for him.

However, there are some ways of caring for others that we don't know how to do well when we haven't been well cared for and treated ourselves. If you don't take care of yourself well and then ask yourself to take care of other people well, don't you think the demands you make on yourself may be too harsh on the current self that hasn't been taken care of well?

## Look after yourself and learn to be happy every day.

When we take care of ourselves, even if we haven't been taken care of properly and our original family hasn't taught us how to be happy, we can still try to make ourselves happy in the rest of our lives by remembering happy times and rediscovering ways to make ourselves happy.

Once you know how to treat yourself, I think you'll also know how to treat your kids better.