Feeling emotionally intelligence is low, often finding oneself in a desperate situation?

Dear user, I appreciate that you are currently experiencing distress and anxiety, and I am encouraged to see that you are taking the time to reflect on yourself and your potential for growth. Emotional intelligence is a skill that develops over time and is shaped by a multitude of intricate factors in interpersonal interactions. Everyone's journey towards growth and proficiency in this area is unique and varies in pace. I offer the following suggestions with the hope that they might prove helpful in your pursuit of enhancing your emotional intelligence and navigating social challenges:

1. Self-acceptance and patience:

First of all, it would be beneficial to be a little more tolerant of yourself. Everyone has shortcomings, and it is important to recognize and correct them. Setting realistic goals for yourself and gradually improving is a more attainable approach than expecting a perfect transformation overnight.

It is also important to remember that the process of accepting yourself is a form of growth. It is therefore important not to be too hard on yourself.

2. Reflection and summary:

Every situation you encounter has the potential to be a learning opportunity. After each similar situation, it might be helpful to take a moment to reflect on why you acted the way you did and what you could do differently next time.

It would be beneficial to record these lessons, as over time you will accumulate more social wisdom through reflection.

3. Observe and imitate:

It may be helpful to look for high-emotional-intelligence role models in your own life. You might consider observing their words and deeds in different situations, and learning from their communication skills and problem-solving methods. Additionally, reading relevant books and articles, and attending training courses could also be beneficial in this regard.

4. It would be beneficial to learn to communicate effectively:

It is important to express your needs and ideas in a clear, polite, and considerate manner. Learn to ask questions or ask for help at the appropriate time. At the same time, listen to the opinions of others, understand their feelings, and determine the best time and way to accept or decline invitations.

5. Practice makes perfect.

Consider stepping out of your comfort zone and seizing the opportunity to participate in various social activities. It's natural to make mistakes, and every attempt is a step towards improvement. For example, you might consider taking the initiative to host small gatherings or expressing your views more often in group discussions to exercise your communication and coordination skills.

6. It would be beneficial to set clear boundaries.

It can be helpful to learn to distinguish between "appeasing" and "empathy." Empathy is about understanding and respecting others, while appeasing often means catering to others at the expense of oneself.

It is important to remember that you have the right to refuse unreasonable requests, and that you should also be open to accepting the rejection of others.

7. If you feel you would benefit from additional support, you may wish to consider seeking professional help.

If emotional distress is having a significant impact on your daily life, you may benefit from seeking guidance from a counselor. They can provide targeted strategies and suggestions to help you adjust your mindset and improve your sense of self-efficacy.

8. Consider ways to address the fear of rejection:

It's possible that you're reading more into your teacher's response than is actually there. It might be helpful to try to be open-minded and communicate directly with your teacher to confirm his true intentions and sincerely express your desire to learn from him.

It is also important to remember that rejection is not the end of the world. Everyone has a unique path of development that is right for them.

9. Consider a shift in your thinking style.

It might be helpful to try to look at things from a positive perspective and see challenges as opportunities for growth rather than as hopeless situations. Thinking positively could help to boost your self-confidence and reduce unnecessary anxiety.

It is important to remember that everyone is unique and that improving emotional intelligence is a long-term process. With the right attitude and commitment to learning and practice, you will undoubtedly see results. It is also essential to prioritize physical and mental health. Ensuring adequate rest and a balanced diet can help you stay clear-headed and calm when facing challenges.

I know it's tough, but I'm here to tell you that everything will be fine!

Hello, After reading your description, it seems that the questioner is not as bad as he says. Although he has made a lot of mistakes, he has not grown up. It is just that you've always looked to the better people around you as your reference, so you've ignored your own progress.

1. Could it be that I've been rejected because I'm not good enough?

It's often thought that being rejected is a bad thing, but we forget that everyone has the right to say no. For instance, if you like apples but don't like pears, and someone forces you to eat pears, is it your problem if you reject them or if you are rejected? Being rejected isn't necessarily a bad thing.

It's like two people who aren't a good match but are forced to work together. Are they both uncomfortable? So next time we're rejected, we can think about the pros and cons. If this task really isn't suitable for us, can we do it a different way? Or can we find someone with experience to help us analyze it? Of course, we'll have to make the final decision.

2. Let some things ride for now.

The questioner's a quick learner, and you're good at handling things that others have put in your care. You could work on taking care of other people's feelings and analyzing practical scenarios, though. That's something that's developed from your own growth experience and environment.

So, the questioner might want to try listening and watching more, speaking less, and doing more in the future. Don't speak easily in important situations. Think more about critical words before deciding whether to speak them. When asking others for help, think first whether the other person's help is really necessary. If help is really needed, consider whether it will cause the other person any difficulties or require much effort. You can give something in return in other ways. Getting along with others is actually not that complicated. Sometimes a little sincerity goes a long way. Do what you do well, and help others when you can. Leave some things to time. Don't worry about temporary gains and losses.

Hi, I'm Mo Xiaofan, a heart exploration coach. If you have any questions or need to talk about something, you can choose the heart exploration service on your personal page.

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, your Heart Exploration coach.

People learn from their own experiences or from the experiences of others. The questioner's friends are really supportive and always ready to give feedback. For example, if they feel that returning books at the library is too heavy, it just means that they don't think it's a big deal, but they'd love it if you could pay a little more attention. The questioner may not feel pressured at all.

It's also important to learn how to get along with others. As the saying goes, "My weakest point is my teacher." The fact that the other person is willing to give the OP feedback actually means that they are willing to give the OP guidance. People who really don't want to deal with someone may not even say anything, and they will simply distance themselves next time. From this point of view, the OP may want to try to think about the other person's feedback and decide whether or not to take it.

It's a great idea to prepare a problem set for your interpersonal skills, just as you would when learning something new. Many abilities are not innate, and we need to keep working and learning. You might find the Ebbinghaus Forgetting Curve offers some comfort through deliberate practice and memorization.

The questioner said that their favorite teacher politely declined to take them with them. It's totally understandable! We can't please everyone, and it's only natural for a teacher to select students who are a good fit for them amidst their busy schedules. The questioner may not have to think about it too much. If you really like this teacher very much, is there anything you can do to show your sincerity?

There's a saying that if you're heading in the wrong direction, all your efforts will be in vain. I didn't drive much after I got my license because I got caught up in a misunderstanding that I just needed to practice more. But after I scraped the car three times in a row, I realized that I couldn't cover up my strategic laziness with tactical diligence. I needed to learn driving skills and combine practice with it, rather than just blindly practicing. The same goes for interpersonal interactions. Just practicing interactions may not be very effective. The questioner can also read some books to supplement, such as "The Art of Communication" and "High Emotional Intelligence Dialogue."

Adler said something really interesting. He said that all troubles stem from interpersonal relationships. When we care too much about what others think, we fall into the trap of self-doubt. Have you ever tried stepping out of the shoes of the other person and looking at yourself from a third-party perspective? It can be really helpful to identify which aspects of yourself are really making others uncomfortable and which are your own edges and boundaries that need to be preserved.

It's okay to not be good at socializing. We can try to accept ourselves while also seeing our own merits, which will help the questioner form a more stable self-evaluation.

I once read something that really stuck with me: "The stickiness between people comes from trouble, and reciprocity is what makes relationships stronger." It made me think of how important it is to be able to say no, even if it's hard. But it's also about giving back when you can. It's a way of strengthening the relationship.

It's not your fault to be traumatized, sweetheart. But you do have to take responsibility to recover. The questioner may try to reconcile with their family of origin and regard the present as a brand new beginning to rebuild their learning and social life.

I really do think the questioner can do a great job!

I'd highly recommend reading "Accepting Imperfection" and "A Thought Turned."

Wishing you the very best!

Many things have different aspects to them. We make lots of choices every day, big and small, and we only have so much energy. It's best to focus on the things that have a greater impact on you. Trying to do everything is exhausting and unnecessary.

You're very brave and have worked hard for yourself. I get that having a high EQ means making others comfortable while keeping yourself comfortable.

From your perspective, you hope to be more considerate, or you like simple and naive people deep down.

You can try to just engage with people and think about what might happen first. What you say and do could end up being harmful to yourself and others.

Like most things, it may be very difficult at first and often forgotten. I don't think you're bad, you just don't understand yourself.

You have some great qualities and an admirable character: you're simple, innocent, straightforward, and kind, with a desire to help others. These are all excellent traits, but when you enter the business world, don't lose sight of them. You need to learn how to judge people and know who you can trust and who you can't. You also need to learn how far you can go with what you say. How far can you go with those older bosses? Is there no situation where you can't do that?

Particularly in the presence of people with competing interests, it's important to be careful and think about yourself before you think about others. You're great at not holding a heart that hurts others, and you want to benefit others as much as possible. But I think it's more important for you to understand yourself and think for yourself.

If you spend too much time thinking about other people, you'll lose touch with reality and your judgment will be affected. If other people don't want you to succeed, they can easily influence you. You're not on your own.

If someone who doesn't make anyone uncomfortable sees your problem but doesn't tell you about it, is that a good thing? It really depends on the situation.

Maybe true emotional intelligence is about making yourself and others feel good, and helping yourself and others to improve.

But you should always put yourself first.

It's tough. How many people in history have managed it?

You can invest some time in someone who is worth it.

It's important to help others. You should want to give back and not feel like you owe people anything. One way to do this is to buy a small gift that someone else needs and can use.

Just remember that you can consider all aspects, but it is very energy-intensive, and you have to make trade-offs.

You can also create a mind map or do a rehearsal. If you've written something you don't want anyone to know, you can take it out and tear it up or soak it and tear it up. There's always a way.

Because you'll be anxious until 2 or 3 AM, get up every morning and think about what happened yesterday. At night, ask yourself if you want to make yourself better or sacrifice yourself for others who don't know or care. Listen to the answer from within and sleep well.

Those who care about you will step up and help you when they see you're struggling. Why do people who aren't bothered by it act like it's not a big deal? Is it really worth it to you?

If you feel like others don't see it, take a moment to feel it with your heart.

1. Know yourself. Even if you're a great person, you can't please everyone.

Ideals are great, but if they end up using up too much of your energy, you won't be able to focus on what's really important.

2. Discover yourself. You're clearly very talented, so why not recognize it?

You should value your own discoveries.

3. Judgment. Think more about why, and whether it really wants what's best for you.

It's your protective measure that lets you tell the difference between sincerity and insincerity, and between good and bad intentions.

I think your problem is that you set the bar too high for yourself, or you want to be recognized too much. You care about things that don't cause substantial harm to others and don't need to be cared about too much. The essence is that you are very weak.

There's nothing wrong with you. You are who you are because of your habits, your way of doing things, and everything you've been through. You did your best for yourself, even if there are things you don't want to do but have to do because of inertia.

Just like I said before, it's not the whole truth. I have my limits, and my logic might not be totally clear, so you can take it in better. There might also be some mistakes in judgment.

From my experience, I've learned that wavering is the root of my problems.

I hope you'll put your heart into yourself.

It's about starting with yourself, trusting yourself even if you're not sure if you're right, and making your own decisions. Has someone else been good to you and given more than they should?

If not, why not trust your own true feelings? Just listen to everyone's chatter, though. Everyone has their own agenda or cultural background, saying this should be done, that shouldn't.

So, if the brain is the commander-in-chief, who is your commander-in-chief?

It's all about what other people think you should be and what you should do. Are you living for other people?

Sorry, I'll say this a bit passionately because I want you to see it. I hope you'll be better.

Don't get caught up in the whirlpool. My strength is limited, and I'm not sure if it will backfire on you or if it's even relevant to your current situation.

But this is what we've got, and this is what I've got. Go for it, I'll do my best, and this is as far as I can go.

It's good to have high expectations and a desire for recognition, which shows you have aspirations. Just remember to take things one step at a time and think about yourself.

You need to find ways to empower yourself with strength, authenticity, understanding, discovery, and affirmation.

For instance, if you have to organize something and there are a lot of people involved, a lot of opinions, and no clear direction, do you try to satisfy each person individually, or do you just get everyone on the same page and move forward?

So, why did this person let out that cry?

When you meet people and encounter things, ask yourself, "Am I worried? Do I have a solution?"

If you're not sure what to do, try smiling and telling the other person that you'll think about it.

There are always more ways than there are difficulties.

I think your current relationships are like this because you care too much about other people, which will affect your ability to get things done. Elders should focus on whether they can complete their tasks and do them well, while you will be distracted from getting things done by other things. I think this is the reason for their hesitation.

But not all elders are the same. Some can give you the strength to generate your own strength, while others cannot. But meeting the right person also requires a lot of chance.

You've got to understand yourself, and experience will lead you to a way. But at that time, you've got to do your best for yourself.

It's important to remember that being well-rounded doesn't always mean sharing your true feelings.

When you specialize, you have to be serious about it.

There are pluses and minuses to all of this.

I think balance is a good word, but it's more likely that extremes are the ultimate.

Take a look at what you want and then take a look at the situation you're in.

Our advice might not be right for you, so you need to pay attention and combine it with your own situation to discern what's right for you. If you can think of two or three points, you might as well write them down and identify the key points.

I think the key is to distinguish between pleasing others and empathy. When you're trying to please others, it can end up making you feel bad.

It'll take some time.

If you've been doing something for almost 20 years, it's reasonable to say that you'll need at least 20 years of hard work to change. You'll also have to juggle other things and face inertia during those 20 years. And, really, do you need to change?

Do you really need to change? You need to put your feelings first and think about yourself.

As a point of reference, you can choose a stepping stone that you can reach based on your current foundation.

It's important to pay attention to your feelings because they can help you make decisions.

Take care of yourself. Protect, guard, defend, love, and care for yourself.

Hello! I just wanted to give you a warm hug from afar.

I'm so happy you asked for help! I really hope my sharing can give you some support and help. From your description, I can tell you're really hard on yourself. It's totally normal to dislike and reject parts of yourself, but it's important to remember that you're worthy of love and acceptance.

Our relationships with others and with the world are our relationships with our inner selves. When you're not fully aware of this part of yourself, you might find that you unconsciously project your dislike, harshness, and intolerance of your inner self onto the people around you. This can happen because you think that the people around you will not accept your true self either.

You may have even suppressed, hidden, and sacrificed your true feelings and needs to please others in order to gain acceptance, affirmation, approval, and encouragement. We all do this from time to time!

So, the low emotional intelligence, stupidity, lack of attention to social details, foolishness, and lack of insight you describe in your interactions with others are actually just self-judgments caused by your extreme self-dislike, inferiority, and lack of confidence. They are misunderstandings of the words and actions of others. In other words, other people simply don't notice this part of you. In other people's eyes, you are already good enough. This part is more just a terrible imagination caused by your own self-dislike, a subjective self-judgment.

I'd love to know your thoughts on this!

When you have a relatively clear awareness of this state of mind in your relationships with others and are willing to make changes, you can try to be true to yourself while being afraid of getting along with others, expressing your feelings and needs. It's totally normal to feel like you're not doing a good enough job, especially when it may make the people you're spending time with uncomfortable. If you feel like you're not meeting their needs, you can try to tell your friends how you feel at that moment. It's also okay to see if others have too much dissatisfaction with what you're doing in your relationships with them. This could be because your behavior may hurt others and your relationship, or it could be a projection of your inner self-rejection. Either way, it's something you can work through together.

It's so important to remember that the way we're treated by others has a huge impact on how we treat ourselves and others. If you feel like you're not good enough, you might find it hard to accept yourself and others around you. It's also possible that you might have been told you were no good at something, or that you were a disappointment to those around you. These feelings can really affect us, and they can start when we're young. If you feel like you've been ignored, or that you've been told you're not good enough, it's important to remember that you're worthy of love and acceptance.

As a child, you might have thought that your parents' treatment of you was because you weren't good enough, or that you didn't meet their expectations. Or perhaps it was that during your upbringing, there were too many conflicts between your parents, and they couldn't get along with each other.

This meant you didn't get the chance to chat with your parents and share your feelings with them. Kids usually copy the way they relate to other grown-ups on the basis of how they relate to their parents. So, if you didn't get what you needed from your parents, it's likely you'll have similar issues with other grown-ups in your life. This can make you feel inferior, unsure of yourself and unable to accept yourself.

The first step to making changes is to accept yourself, warts and all. It's okay to feel like you're not good enough when you're trying to get along with others. It's also important to pay attention to how others see you. When you catch yourself feeling this way, don't judge yourself. Just feel it and try to understand what you really need.

For example, you might have a desire to be accepted, affirmed, approved of, encouraged, welcomed, or you might be afraid of being disliked, rejected, isolated, or alienated. It's also a good idea to try to be aware of this part of your self-criticism and self-judgment. Is it really your own?

Or the people who are important to you as you grow and learn.

So, when you can try to be aware of these unconscious thoughts and feelings, like criticism, denial, self-loathing, and self-deprecation, that might be influencing your interactions with others, you may find a better way to give yourself this part of the response and satisfaction.

For example, you can treat yourself in such a way that you actively learn to grow, because the way you treat yourself will guide and suggest the way others treat you. You can also try to tell your close friends about this part of your needs. They'll be happy to support you!

Of course, to do this, you've got to learn to love yourself a little more, build up your self-confidence, and feel good about yourself. Once you can accept yourself completely, believe that you're great, and know that you deserve to be treated well by yourself and others, you can start being true to yourself in your interactions with others because you're confident enough in who you are.

It's okay to let go of the expectation of a perfect self. Set goals and plans for yourself that match your abilities.

You can get up early every day and try to tell yourself aloud by doing the mirror exercise on WeChat: "Good morning, sweetheart! A new day has begun, and you are a brand new you too, come on!" Before going to bed every night, you can record in a gratitude diary what one thing you did that made you and the people around you happy, and what you felt at that moment.

When you're lying in bed, take a moment to do some gratitude exercises and think about all the beauty and pleasure your body has brought you throughout the day. You can also work on learning some social skills to help you connect with others more easily.

We'd love to suggest a few books that we think you'll really enjoy! They are: "Embrace Your Imperfect Self", "Why Family Can Hurt", "Dialogue with Your Inner Fears" and "The Courage to Be Disliked".

First and foremost, it is imperative not to be excessively self-critical. Enhancing one's emotional intelligence is a protracted process that necessitates time and practice to achieve incremental advancement.

It is evident that you have already identified the issues you are facing and are actively seeking solutions, which is a commendable first step.

In response to the issues that were previously identified, the following suggestions are offered to assist in the enhancement of emotional intelligence and the development of more effective interpersonal relationships.

The enhancement of self-awareness represents a fundamental initial step in the process of developing greater emotional intelligence. The identification of low EQ behaviors can be achieved through a process of introspection, whereby one reflects on their words and deeds and considers potential avenues for improvement.

Additionally, it is recommended to seek feedback from friends or mentors in one's immediate circle to gain insight into their perceptions and recommendations regarding one's personal development.

It is recommended that individuals engage in activities designed to enhance their social skills. These may include attendance at social events or participation in training courses. The objective is to develop the ability to interact with others, express one's thoughts, and listen to the opinions of others. The acquisition of these skills can facilitate more effective interpersonal interactions and prevent the occurrence of behaviors that may be perceived as socially inept.

It is important to develop the ability to empathize with the perspectives of others. When engaging in communication with others, it is crucial to consider their viewpoint and to comprehend their needs and emotions. This can facilitate more effective communication and prevent the emergence of conflicts and misunderstandings.

It is important to learn to say no and accept rejection. Individuals should be clear about their bottom line and needs and learn to say no to unreasonable requests. At the same time, it is crucial to learn to accept rejection from others and avoid dwelling on it or blaming oneself.

It is important to maintain a positive attitude and to avoid becoming discouraged by temporary setbacks or difficulties. It is essential to believe that one can gradually improve one's emotional intelligence and establish better interpersonal relationships.

Additionally, it is important to learn to relax and avoid excessive anxiety or nervousness.

Should you feel unable to resolve the issue independently, it would be advisable to seek the assistance of a qualified counsellor or emotional intelligence coach. These professionals can offer more detailed guidance and support in addressing emotional intelligence-related concerns.

Ultimately, it is not necessary to devote an excessive amount of time and energy to preparing for the postgraduate entrance examination. While emotional intelligence is undoubtedly a valuable asset in interpersonal relationships, the primary focus of the examination will be on your academic abilities and potential.

Provided you are able to demonstrate your strengths and advantages in a convincing manner, I am confident that you will succeed. I wish you the best of luck!