Feeling irritable each day upon returning home to cries, am I wanting to leave this house?

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you today to inquire about a potential opportunity. I look forward to hearing from you soon. Best regards,

I empathize with your frustration and stress.

The initial years following the birth of a child are often a challenging period for women. Research indicates that women's marital satisfaction declines during this time, and the divorce rate increases significantly. It is frequently observed that after having a child, one can perceive a notable shift in life circumstances. It is difficult to ascertain whether this transition is beneficial or detrimental, but it is evident that it differs from the pre-child stage.

I have recently experienced this phase as well. Despite my gender, I empathized with my wife's challenges and the immense pressure she endured during this period.

Firstly, personal time and energy are fully occupied by childcare and other domestic responsibilities, resulting in prolonged periods of elevated stress levels. Rest is not a guaranteed occurrence, and obtaining sufficient quality sleep is often challenging, let alone pursuing other leisure activities.

Secondly, there is the constant violation of personal boundaries. Following the birth of a child, a child carer is added to the equation, typically the mother of the man. The two individuals will have some differences in their living habits and will have significant disagreements about parenting concepts. Conflicts are likely to intensify and escalate, and in addition to the challenges of work and children, there will be additional sources of frustration.

Finally, the husband may not have assumed the role of "father" as promptly as the "mother who carried the child in her womb for 10 months." He has not yet recognized his own identity transformation, nor has he fulfilled his relevant obligations. He is still following the same old lifestyle as before, so he cannot understand the pressure and anxiety his wife is facing.

The wife is currently lacking in the support and understanding of her husband, as well as the time and energy to attend to her own needs. Additionally, her relationship with her mother-in-law is experiencing difficulties.

I empathize with your situation. When you hear your child crying and feel irritated, it's natural to want to escape.

What steps can be taken to enhance your situation?

At that time, I advised my wife to prioritize one activity she enjoys each day. Prioritizing her own well-being will enhance her capacity to care for her children and other responsibilities.

At one point, she was experiencing sleep deprivation and dizziness on a regular basis. She expressed a desire for a good night's sleep, so I advised her to inform her family that she had a meeting at the office and then proceed to a hotel to secure adequate rest.

My experience with my mother-in-law is that modifying her behavior and mindset is a challenging undertaking. It may be more productive to focus on changing your own perception.

It is not the event itself that affects us, but our interpretation of it. First, she is here to help you; second, despite her limited abilities and different values, her starting point is definitely love for the child; and finally, look more at what she has done and don't focus too much on what she hasn't done.

To gain your husband's understanding and support, you may wish to consider assisting him in assuming the role of "father" and participating in child rearing. It is my belief that the responsibilities of a father are no less significant than those of a mother.

Bathing, changing diapers, burping, putting to sleep, choosing formula, washing bottles, doing laundry, and other similar tasks are not solely the responsibility of mothers. I believe that only through firsthand experience can fathers gain a deeper understanding of the challenges and responsibilities associated with parenting.

I hope you find this information useful. I wish you well.

Dear Question Asker,

I appreciate your inquiry and the opportunity to address your concerns. From your description, it is evident that you experienced discord with your family of origin and may have lacked emotional support from them. This could have led to feelings of helplessness. I extend my support and understanding to you.

The most crucial piece of advice I can offer is to gain a deeper understanding of oneself.

1. It is important to be aware of the underlying reasons behind the desire to hide. The statement "I want to find a place where no one knows me and hide" appears to indicate an intention to escape from a situation. However, it is possible to identify alternative explanations for this behaviour. In this context, it can be argued that the act of hiding is a form of self-protection, akin to the instinctive response of seeking cover when faced with danger. This interpretation aligns with the notion that the act of escaping is an expression of self-love, which is often overlooked. It is possible that individuals may be conditioned to blame themselves for their circumstances, leading to a lack of recognition of their inherent worth.

Such circumstances often result in feelings of profound distress, exhaustion, and a need for solitude to replenish one's energy. At the same time, recognizing one's self-worth can provide a sense of resilience, even in the face of significant challenges. "Despite the difficulties I am facing, I still have myself and my capacity to love myself."

It is crucial to possess a modicum of fortitude to confront life directly.

2. A reluctance to confront the situation may indicate a tendency towards learned helplessness. The living habits of an elderly person differ from those of a younger individual. The attempt to rent a place to live was unsuccessful. The arrival of a baby can lead to feelings of frustration when returning home to a crying infant and the perception that one is not a competent mother. Additionally, difficulties at work may result in the expectation of comfort and reassurance from one's spouse, as well as support in navigating these challenges. A lack of perceived value from one's spouse may also contribute to feelings of inadequacy. Disagreements with one's family of origin and a lack of emotional support from them may further compound these feelings. A reluctance to form new emotional connections may also contribute to feelings of isolation. These factors can collectively lead to a lack of positive feedback and energy, which can perpetuate a cycle of learned helplessness.

Secondly, it is recommended that you allow yourself to

1. It is important to allow oneself to be an imperfect mother. It is also important to allow oneself to be annoyed or even at a loss when faced with one's child's crying. It is a fallacy to believe that mothers are superheroes or saints, and it is not realistic to expect them to be able to give their children love and comfort all the time. This is especially normal when one is feeling annoyed and helpless.

2. Permit yourself to exhibit a modicum of self-interest. You assert that you experience feelings of selfishness, yet it is possible that you have not fully embraced this quality. It is plausible that you have suppressed some of your personal needs in order to accommodate the expectations of others, such as the elderly in your family, your parents in your original family, or your husband. This may be the underlying cause of your irritation and distress.

Thirdly, it is recommended that one adopt a more lenient attitude towards oneself.

1. The assertion that one is incompetent and selfish may result in an excessive focus on one's shortcomings, leading to a self-perpetuating cycle.

2. The aspect that was not executed effectively is merely a consequence, and there is no necessity to evaluate oneself for ascribing a negative connotation to events.

Fourth, it is recommended that an alternative perspective be adopted in order to identify the positive aspects. The subject reports difficulties at work and a history of job changes. However, it is noteworthy that the individual has demonstrated resilience by remaining in employment. This is a positive attribute that should be acknowledged. It reflects perseverance and strength.

Fifth, it is recommended that a period of solitude be allotted for oneself, such as a walk downstairs, jumping rope, running, or practicing yoga. This allows for a respite from familial and marital obligations, affording an opportunity to engage in self-care. During this time, one can be oneself without external distractions. Even jumping rope is a form of rest. When one jumps rope, one is unable to engage in other thoughts, and no other thoughts arise. It does not require much space, provides exercise for the heart and lungs, and is an excellent form of exercise. Additionally, it can alleviate confusion and insomnia.

Sixth, one must update one's perception. For example, one must re-evaluate the concept of selfishness. It is becoming increasingly evident that the term "selfishness" is a neutral word, and it is people who have given it a negative meaning. In many situations, one person judges another as selfish. People who judge themselves as selfish are probably kind and have a strong sense of morality.

Indeed, it is not inherently problematic to prioritize one's own needs within reasonable limits. However, it is crucial to distinguish between reasonable self-interest and excessive selfishness.

Seventh, it is recommended that you cultivate a sense of your own boundaries, demonstrate courage, and assertively decline requests when necessary. In a situation where you are living with an elderly person, there will undoubtedly be instances when your boundaries are transgressed. This also applies to your husband. However, it is crucial to recognize that when we feel uneasy or something does not seem right, it is likely that our boundaries are being infringed upon. In such cases, it is acceptable to refuse and subsequently refrain from self-labeling, such as being unfilial, etc. It is also important to avoid placing value on things based on their superficial appearance.

*Eighth, it is recommended that a happiness diary or a success list be kept to build up energy and gradually form positive feedback. Regardless of the size of the event, such as the beauty of the clouds on the way to work today or the cuteness of the puppy by the roadside, it is important to recognize and record these moments.

Today, the child exhibited fewer signs of distress, and I engaged in ten minutes of physical activity. These observations can be referenced when feelings of low mood arise.

*Ninth, it is recommended that the healing process be facilitated through the medium of writing. This may entail the spontaneous composition of a short play, a poem, or a diary entry. The act of writing can be understood as a process of self-discovery and emotional catharsis.

*Tenth, I recommend a selection of books, including "High Sensitivity is a Gift," "Nonviolent Communication," "Identifying Yourself: Transcending Your Inherent Weaknesses," "Allowing Yourself: Meeting Your Complete Self," and "Understanding Anger."

I wish you the best of success!

Hello, landlord. I hope my answer helps.

Many women are in the same situation. They don't know what to do about marriage, work, life, etc. I hug you and hope you feel some warmth and support.

My advice is:

Accepting what you can't change makes you feel better.

Sometimes we feel tired because we worry too much. Can you change the things you worry about?

If you can change it, change it. If you can't, accept it.

As it says in "A Change of Heart," there are only three things in this world: your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of Heaven. People are troubled because they worry about other people's affairs and the affairs of Heaven.

Many people don't know what's their own business and what's other people's business.

Other people's actions and thoughts are their business.

"Other people" means anyone except you, like your husband, kids, in-laws, and parents.

A person's upbringing, education, and environment shape who they are. They have standards, and when we meet them, they like and approve of us; otherwise, they don't.

We all use our own standards to judge others. If they meet our standards, we like and support them. If not, we dislike and reject them. So, whether others like you seems to be related to you, but it's really related to whether your standards match theirs.

When you realize that everyone has different needs and positions, you will feel more relaxed. You don't have to change other people's minds or seek their understanding and approval.

Our actions and thoughts are our own.

We can't control others or their actions. Our lives aren't about satisfying others. We need to focus on ourselves. Understand yourself. Know your needs. Solve your problems.

If you need approval, learn to approve of yourself. When you are confident and happy with yourself, you won't worry about what others think.

When you take care of yourself and love yourself, you can love others.

Focus on what you can do, improve your abilities, gain knowledge, and grow.

Knowing the difference between our own business and other people's helps us accept what we can't change and change what we can.

When we accept others, we won't be bothered by their actions and thoughts. When you accept their patterns, your heart will be at peace.

2. Use non-violent communication with your husband.

Communication is about getting to know each other, understanding each other, and making the relationship better.

We need to communicate well in relationships, express each other's needs and feelings, and connect emotionally. You can use the method of non-violent communication. State the facts, express your feelings, express your needs, and request the other person's actions.

Note: Be objective when stating facts. Express your needs and feelings as they truly are. Be specific when asking for action from the other person.

Tell your husband, "I don't like living with my parents. I think we need our own space. I need your support. What are your thoughts and feelings? Why do you disapprove?"

Then, you can keep expressing yourself, but don't judge or accuse.

It's possible he'll still disagree, but you'll feel better after expressing yourself. You'll also understand each other better, which will help you connect.

3. Use reasonable ways to change and let go of your emotions.

Socialize with supportive friends.

Go exercise and relax.

✍️ Writing therapy: Write down your feelings and thoughts. Don't worry about how it looks or if it makes sense. Just write.

Hit pillows or sandbags to release your anger.

Use the empty chair technique to release emotions. Place an empty chair in a room and assume the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. You can express yourself to the chair.

Best,

Question asker:

Hello! I can see from your account that you're confused, helpless, and confused. You really have it hard!

You've been married for a few years, and life is becoming more and more mundane. You've been living with your in-laws for a long time, and there must be more than just the lack of familiarity. You have grievances that you can't tell anyone about, right? Your husband has never agreed to rent a separate place for you to live. He probably wants to keep the family together for the convenience of taking care of each other, but he ignores the various kinds of discomfort you may have after marrying into the family, right?

We are all ordinary people, and everyone encounters all kinds of upsetting people and things. You have tried to communicate with your husband and look for a job more than once to change the situation. You have tried very hard. You can either learn to accept everything as it is and accept that you, like everyone else, are not perfect, or you can take control of the situation.

Of course, when you're facing a multitude of challenges simultaneously, it's natural to feel overwhelmed. When you're uncertain about how to proceed, take a moment to acknowledge your emotions and then tackle the problem head-on.

Here are a few tips for managing your emotions. 1. Give yourself some space, turn off the computer and phone, and go for a walk in a quiet place.

3. Keep an emotional diary to record your emotions. This is an effective way to process your feelings and identify triggers. 4. Try mindfulness meditation to clear your mind.

You and your husband are the most important core of the family. Effective communication between you and your husband is the most important thing in your marriage. In your daily life, does your husband contribute a lot to the family?

He also needs your affirmation and support. Make sure you give him affirmation when communicating and then tactfully express your specific needs.

For example, you can learn effective communication skills to help your husband understand your difficulties. Given the current situation where you cannot live separately, you can be the one to hold the family together.

If there are really problems in your family of origin, you need to talk to your family sincerely to see if there is any room for improvement. Otherwise, you'll always have regrets.

The baby is still very young. It is only natural that their crying and fussing would add to your already poor mood.

Family members should give more support. You need to adjust your state of mind before interacting with your baby.

If there is no suitable job and no financial pressure, you can continue to learn and grow. Once you have made all the preparations, you can start again.

I hope these thoughts help you in some way! You will find your true self in the face of difficulties. You can do it!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

I hug you because I see how sad you are. As a parent, you know how difficult it is and how much you have to give up. You said your married life is uneventful, which is true for most people. We see other people's happy lives on social media, but we don't see the sadness behind the scenes.

The most challenging aspect of married life is living with your in-laws. It's inevitable that your values and habits will differ, and long-term cohabitation can lead to conflicts. The questioner has considered renting a place and living independently, but their partner disagrees. If we can't avoid living together, we must find a solution.

The questioner said that he has a job, but I don't know how old the questioner's child is. If they live with their parents, they can help you look after the child occasionally, so you don't have to worry about leaving the child unattended during work hours.

I need to find a place where no one knows me and hide. I don't want to face all this anymore.

We must analyze the questioner's distress because of what:

The first issue is that the questioner is unused to living with their elders. They want to rent a place, but their partner refuses.

The second issue is their unhappiness at work, which has led to them changing jobs several times and experiencing discrimination.

When they are upset, they refuse to confide in their partner.

They don't get along with their in-laws and often argue.

1. Focus on what matters most to you.

The questioner lives with his elders, which is something that cannot be changed for the time being. However, you are not used to living with them because of their different living habits. The solution is simple: you can choose to ignore their habits and just do your own thing.

They are who they are, and you are who you are. They aren't going to change on their own. If you keep saying they should change, it'll make them feel like you're disgusted with them. Take care of yourself first. Then, you'll be able to ignore the discomfort you feel towards other people.

2. Focus on communication.

I believe your other half has his reasons for not wanting to move out and rent a place. Have you communicated well on this point? Has he explained his reasons to you?

If he didn't say anything but just rejected you directly when you brought up the idea, that's also one of the reasons for your accumulated depression. Go ask him why you can't move out. Listen to his thoughts and see if his ideas are worth considering.

When you confide in him, he doesn't comfort you or respond to you. This is simply his character. He grew up without learning to express his comfort to others. Have you encountered such problems in the past few years since you got married? Have you expressed your thoughts, hoping he would give you a response?

If the questioner has not done so, and has not actively helped the other half to change this personality, then he is not aware that this is hurting you. As a couple, you should communicate more. So if you still cherish this marriage, you need to use your own power to make him grow up with you.

I'll share a story about myself with the original poster. My husband was also indifferent in his emotional responses. This was related to the people he came into contact with during his upbringing. I changed him. It took me five years, but I did it. He is very caring now. Don't give up after one failure. Perseverance will lead to success.

3. Set clear goals.

The questioner stated that they were discriminated against at work but did not provide further details. They have also changed jobs multiple times due to dissatisfaction with their work responsibilities. Was the primary reason for changing jobs because the content of the work they were responsible for was not suitable for them, or was it because of social relationships?

If it's about work, you must consider what kind of work you are better at and choose an environment and treatment that you are more satisfied with. When these things match what you want, you will be more willing to challenge yourself and adapt to the work.

If it is a social problem, the questioner must overcome it. If it is social discrimination, and the questioner chooses to change jobs, that is compromising with those people, or even giving up before the battle has even begun. There are all kinds of people in society, and we can't all just meet nice people. When we encounter all kinds of people, we must adapt ourselves and let the other person know that we also have a bottom line.

Once you've clarified your goals, challenge yourself to solve each problem one by one. Don't give up.

4. Identify the source of your emotions.

The questioner stated that they did not get along well with their biological family and often had arguments. This is something that will undoubtedly continue after marriage. The family of origin is supposed to be a support for the daughter when she marries. The fact that the questioner can argue with their family members shows that they still have some self-confidence, because they dare to vent their emotions on them, even though this mode of getting along is not correct.

We always save our worst emotions for the people we love the most. We pretend to be happy in front of others and vent our emotions on our family when we can't take it anymore. Let's be honest: are the emotions we vent really because our family did something to make us angry? Or are we just taking this incident as an excuse to vent all the emotions we have accumulated?

Once emotions have set in, they don't go away on their own. You need to know how to relieve them in time. If you want to talk to someone, find the right person. Your significant other is not a good listener, so try confiding in someone else first.

Read more books or watch more videos on how to control your emotions. These resources are more convenient and easier to learn. The Yixinli platform now has many more communities. Choose a community that interests you and use it to solve problems and encourage each other. If you rely on yourself alone, you'll lose motivation. Get help from multiple people.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. Best wishes.

Hello,

Host

My name is Zeng Chen, and I'm a heart exploration coach. I've read the post, and it seems like the poster is struggling and overwhelmed. I also noticed that the poster has been open about their struggles and actively sought help, which will help them understand themselves better, navigate family relationships, and make positive changes.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts from the post that might help the poster see the situation from a different point of view.

1. Try to express your emotions in a reasonable way.

From the post, it's clear the original poster has a lot on their plate. They're dealing with frustration at work, anxiety about being a mother, a lack of understanding from their partner, big differences in living habits between generations, and dissatisfaction with their original family. All of this can contribute to a lot of stress and emotions.

When we're feeling overwhelmed, we often try to avoid the situation altogether.

It gives us a way to temporarily escape from this environment and temporarily get rid of these annoyances. So does the original poster now understand the idea of wanting to leave?

Avoiding the root of the problem doesn't solve it. So, I'd also like to know how you relieve your stress in your daily life when you're facing so much emotion and pressure.

What did the original poster do to feel better when faced with all this pressure?

When we're feeling stressed, it's harder to think clearly. This can make it harder to find solutions that work.

So we can try to get our emotions in order and be more logical. This way, we'll be calm and open-minded when we tackle problems.

This is a place where you can share your feelings and write down what you want to say or write. When we write, we're actually listening to our own feelings, and often when our feelings are listened to, they're relieved.

That's why writing therapy is a method many counselors like to use.

2. Should we share our negative emotions with our husbands?

There's a lot of debate in the real world about whether we should share our negative emotions with our husbands. Some people think it's necessary, while others don't recommend it.

I'm going to share my views and thoughts here, which the host can use as a reference. From the post, I can see that the host feels her husband can't enlighten her, which makes her feel more stressed.

I can see where you're coming from.

But have you ever considered that your husband might not be the best at guiding people? The general idea behind men's upbringing is that we should be strong and that men shouldn't cry.

It's true that men are often better at repressing their emotions as they mature. This can mean they lack practice in getting along with their emotions and comforting themselves.

If you can't even face these emotions yourself and suppress them, how can you comfort us when you don't even know how to comfort yourself?

So, at this time, the original poster might be able to teach him how to comfort himself. We know ourselves best, and we know what kind of comfort we need most. We can express our feelings and expectations directly, and we can expect him to do the same for me.

It's not uncommon for men to take on this role at this time. While they may not be used to it initially, they often embrace it after doing it more often.

And we don't have to share our feelings with our husbands. We can talk to our girlfriends about it because they can understand and support us better. We can also get advice from counselors or psychics, etc.

So, there are lots of ways to meet your needs, right?

3. Babies

Many new mothers feel anxious about their baby's crying and are unsure of how to respond. As new mothers ourselves, we can relate to this frustration.

On top of that, we also have to deal with a lot of disappointments in our lives. As the poster mentioned in the post, it's tough not to feel emotional when facing so many challenges.

When the baby cries, it can be a mix of our own anxiety and worry about what's wrong with the baby. It's a tough time. Moms are amazing!

So, what can we do? One thing is for the host to express her emotions in a reasonable way, which will help her to feel less anxious.

On the other hand, we can still put in a little more time and energy learning about child-rearing.

I know this is tough for the OP because they have to work. It's really hard to balance family and work.

So, at this point, we can focus on what's most important and make a conscious decision to prioritize one side over the other. We'll gain some things and lose some things along the way, and that's just how life goes.

4. Acceptance and gratitude for the elderly

The two generations have different living habits. We might have expectations of the elderly, thinking they should follow our habits.

This expectation might even be unconscious. So at this time, we need to be more aware of ourselves and realize that these habits of the elderly have been with them for decades and have long been engrained.

It's tough to change.

What if we can't change it and it makes us uncomfortable? Even so, we can still look at the elderly from a multi-faceted perspective.

Are the elderly helping to take care of the children? Do we have more time for ourselves?

It's good to know that the elderly are looking after the children when they're around, and it's also great for the kids to have their company.

It's true that the elderly can also bring us a lot of benefits. However, we may have to accept some of the disadvantages of their habits.

That's just the way it is. You have to pay for a nanny, don't you?

Embracing different habits can be seen as another kind of reward. Of course, relationships also have boundaries, and you need to guard your own boundaries.

I hope these are helpful and inspiring to the original poster. It's not easy to make big changes in one go.

If the poster has any questions or needs more communication, they can click to find a coach. We can provide one-on-one support and growth.

It's so important to learn to block out negative energy.

I totally get it. So many moms can relate to what you're going through. Families are complex, with different living habits, young children who cry a lot, and work that doesn't go well. You come home to no peace and no comfort. You've worked hard!

I know it's tough, but the situation is already like this. I'm sorry, but I just don't think you can change it now. You say you can get a divorce and leave your children behind? That's definitely not going to work!

Then, my dear friends, we can only change ourselves. Remember this: it is called who suffers who changes. Change is not compromise, but a wise way of looking at problems. What would you do if you accidentally fell into a garbage dump? Could you load yourself with garbage?

Absolutely! We all want to get rid of the garbage stuck to us, right?

So it's the same at home, too! Try not to focus on behaviors that don't align with your perceptions. Instead, take a moment to appreciate the positive aspects.

For example, let's be grateful to the elderly for helping us with the children so we can go out to work. And let's be grateful to our husbands for working hard for the family. And of course, let's be grateful for our own silent contributions.

When you treat everything with a grateful heart, your heart will be much more peaceful, and the atmosphere in your home will improve a lot.

You'll feel like you can't go back to how you used to be. And that's a great thing! It's an example of changing yourself and influencing others.

Why not think about starting your own little business on the side?

It's tough out there for job seekers these days. Many folks make the mistake of focusing solely on the salary when looking for work. This can lead to a situation where people end up working for money and feeling like they're trapped.

That's why going to work is so painful. Most people do work they don't want to do, and it can be really tough to find success in a job you don't love.

This means you get to develop horizontally! Find a career you love, start a side business, and then watch it grow. When you do what you love, you'll succeed and make a difference.

Wishing you the very best of luck!