Feeling tired of living, always living according to the words of elders and their designs?

Hello, question asker! I'm Evan, and I'm excited to help you out.

From the questioner's description, it's clear there's room for improvement in how the questioner communicates with his family. It's an opportunity for the questioner to learn how to express himself more effectively and for the family elders to gain a better understanding of what he wants to say.

It doesn't matter how old you are, where you come from, or what you've done—you can learn to communicate effectively! With just a little self-confidence and some basic communication skills, you can express your views clearly.

If communication with the elderly fails to be effective, it will only cause more and more harm to the subject and prevent others from understanding and helping the subject. But don't worry! There are plenty of ways to communicate clearly about the origin of things and express your own views and emotions.

I'm here to give you a big hug and some extra strength, because I know you can communicate with your family in a brave and confident way.

Since the question was asked on the platform, I'm excited to give the questioner a bit of advice on communication!

Choose the perfect time to communicate!

As the wise ancients said, everything depends on the right time, place, and people! This is also true of communication. The "Rules for Being a Good Child" also say that if parents have done something wrong, they should choose a time when they are in a good mood to give them advice.

Avoid leaving heavy topics and matters for the end of the day or evening. Instead, tackle them head-on when you're feeling fresh and full of beans!

Instead, discuss important topics when people are most alert, free, and able to respond clearly (usually in the morning or afternoon). This is the perfect time to get things done!

Now for the fun part! It's time to choose a place to communicate.

It's also a great idea to pay attention to the occasion of communication when sharing some intimate words. If you want to tell someone something personal or something that is not easy for others to accept, why not choose a public place with a low pedestrian flow?

It's so important to communicate in private! You can have an open dialogue and make sure the two-way communication process is working properly. When you communicate, make sure your voice carries. This way, the other person will feel respected!

Let's eliminate distractions!

When communicating with others, it's important to minimize distractions. If you want to communicate, avoid being interrupted by others and also avoid the interference of household appliances. For example, avoid the interference of cell phone ringtones and the interference of household appliances such as televisions that can make sounds.

Keep those external distractions at bay! They'll only distract you and your audience and kill the communication.

Now for the fun part! It's time to organize your thoughts.

What does the questioner want to communicate to the older generation, and what are his or her thoughts? It's so important to make sure you're clear on that before you start communicating with others. Organize your thoughts effectively to avoid giving a confusing impression when expressing them.

When narrating, make sure you clearly state what you want to convey at the beginning!

A great way to keep your communication focused and on track is to choose three main points and stick to them. This way, if you find yourself going off topic, you can easily return to any or all of the three main points without any fuss!

If it's helpful, you can even write down these key points! If you're not a fan of speaking up, you can jot down the key points on a piece of paper and refer to it when communicating.

Let your family know in advance that you're looking forward to sharing your views first, and then they can jump in with their thoughts!

Let's focus on the main points!

As we've already discussed, it's really important to focus on the three main points you want to make. And make sure that every sentence you say adds to the conversation or argument! If you've thought through the main points and the essence of the ideas you want to explain, you'll probably find that some related phrases keep coming to mind.

Use these phrases to really make your points stand out! Many speakers repeat their main points to make a stronger impression on others. As the popular online saying goes, "If it's important, say it three times!"

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Learn to listen!

Absolutely! Learn to actively listen. Communication is a two-way street. Why not let the questioner's opinions be adopted by the elders?

Could it be that family members didn't give you a chance to speak up? If they're eager to share their thoughts, the questioner can listen to what they want to say first. Then, after they've finished expressing themselves, the questioner can make their request. Wouldn't that be a better way to communicate?

As you listen, you can see how well your family members understand the information you've shared and how they're taking it in. If it seems like they have a different idea of you, it's a great chance to ask them to share what you've said in their own words.

It's so important to understand the approach of your elders!

The great thing about communicating with your elders is that they often have long-term interests in mind, or a stable perspective. So, to communicate well with them, you can first understand their position and what they are considering. This is a great way to ensure you are on the same page as them, rather than blindly expressing your own opinions and resisting their plans.

If you can, work your own ideas into the plans of your elders. See if you can find a way to merge your ideas with theirs, rather than just accepting their teachings. Learn to respond to their guidance with a positive attitude. Maybe their experience is right from a certain perspective, but at certain times it is not applicable to current changes. Find these points that can be applied flexibly, express your own opinions, and I believe that your elders will also listen to your opinions!

In many things, the questioner only needs to state their position and what they want to do, and the conclusion can be left to the elders to judge. If you are not expressing yourself clearly enough, you can also ask someone to repeat what you have said until their retelling matches your original meaning.

The questioner himself should definitely watch more examples of speeches by great orators! There are so many role models online that can help you become a great communicator. Use them as your "personal communication coach"!

Learning good communication skills is a great way to help the questioner clearly express their thoughts! And the best part is, you can prepare before communicating, which is a great way to make sure you're ready to express your thoughts.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can be of some help to you.

The original poster said that every time a critical decision needs to be made, you and your elders will always have different opinions. But in most cases, you will follow your elders' plan. So, after you have followed your elders' plan, how do you feel? Do you feel aggrieved? Are you angry? Or do you feel more at ease? It's an exciting time in your life! You're growing and learning so much. Your elders have so much wisdom and experience, and they're there to support you. They're offering guidance and advice, and you get to decide what's best for you. It's a great opportunity to learn and grow!

The original poster said that he has already failed the postgraduate entrance exam twice. So, what do you think? Should he keep taking the exam? And do you think he should keep trying?

Putting aside any other people's advice, what do you want to do?

You say you feel conflicted. That's totally normal! It could be a conflict between your own decision and the decision of your elders, or it could be a conflict between your inability to make a decision. Whatever it is, we can work through it together!

Let me share my thoughts with you!

It's totally normal for elders to have different suggestions when we make any decision!

I remember when I was about to graduate from graduate school, I was also faced with a choice: whether to continue studying for a doctorate, find a job, or stay at our research institute. So I asked all the elders in our family and in the lab, and it was so interesting to hear all their different opinions! They were all reasonable, and it was great to get so many different perspectives.

Some elders say that if you want to go to college, you should absolutely get a doctorate! It's a great idea to finish it now. In terms of living, all doctoral students should be publicly funded, and Zhejiang University will give you 1,400 yuan a month, which is more than enough to take care of your living expenses!

My parents think it would be a great idea for me to go for a master's degree after graduation! My grandfather, my great-uncle, and my great-great-uncle all support me in continuing my studies.

However, some elders have a different opinion. They think that even if you finish school, you may not be able to enter a university, so you might as well teach in a middle school. They don't think it's necessary to push yourself so hard, and a master's degree is already pretty good for a girl...

So, you see, they are all very reasonable. This is because the advice they give is based on their own values, and from their life experience and a certain point of view, it makes sense. But for me, what exactly is the better choice?

Of course, you can't listen to just one person. You need to go back to your heart and make your own choice! My life is my own, and I get to decide how to live it. What they give is all advice, and it is only for reference.

Ultimately, I decided to go for the doctorate, but I soon realized that scientific research wasn't my calling. I made the exciting decision to pursue a career in the psychological industry! After exploring different options and discovering my passion for psychological work, I knew this was the perfect fit for me. I was able to maximize my strengths and potential, and I couldn't be happier!

I've also found that no matter what choice I make, there will always be people who support it and others who oppose it. This is normal. At this time, what we need to do is not pay too much attention to external voices, but to listen more to the voice inside yourself. What kind of person do you really want to become? Then, you make your own decision and take on the corresponding responsibility. When you really become the person who matches your inner expectations, you will not be so conflicted and entangled. It's an amazing feeling!

2. Making your own decision is more important than taking responsibility for the choice you make—and it's a great thing to do!

The reason why we sometimes find it difficult to make decisions is largely because we are afraid of taking responsibility for the consequences of our choices. But there's no need to be afraid! We can conquer our fears and take control of our lives. In particular, we can face our fears and take responsibility for our choices, even when the direction of our choice does not match the expectations of others.

So, you want to choose to take the postgraduate entrance exam? Great! But what if your family doesn't support you and you fail the exam again and again? Do you have the courage to face and bear the consequences? Absolutely!

If you have the courage to bear the consequences of your choice, then you absolutely have the courage to make a decision!

I'll give you an example from my own life to help you better understand this part. When my husband and I were together, my family strongly opposed the idea, thinking that our homes were too far apart and that my husband was not the perfect son-in-law my parents had hoped for.

I am so excited because I know I made the right choice! I value my husband's sense of responsibility and his feelings for me. We fell in love for the first time, and it was a mutual love. This is a bond that cannot be bought with money. So, I am very persistent. In the end, my parents still agreed, but my mother would still say, "You made your own choice, so don't regret it."

"Absolutely not! I chose it myself, and I'm more than willing to bear all the consequences."

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years, and we are very happy! My parents are also pleased with him. Of course, at the beginning of our marriage, we had conflicts and disagreements, and I experienced some challenges, such as him not having time to raise the children together. But I always remember that this is my own choice, so I must find a way to make our marriage work. I must take responsibility for all the consequences of my choice, and I am excited to do so!

This "commitment" has led to some amazing things in my marriage! My husband and I have taken on the responsibilities we need to take on, and we're reaping the benefits. We've achieved division of labor, mutual support, mutual understanding, and mutual achievement.

On the other hand, if we can take full responsibility for our lives, it's a whole new ballgame! Others (including our parents) will have to learn to live with our choices. And we'll have the power to make our own decisions and live our best lives. (This is the situation I'm in now, and it's a great one!)

Finally, I wish you the best with a quote from "Silent Confession": May you gradually free yourself from the expectations of others, become your true self, and reap the rewards of a happy life!

Let's encourage each other!

From what you've said, it's clear there are lots of differences between you and your elders when it comes to your choices. But in most cases, you tend to follow their lead. Now that you've failed the postgraduate entrance exam, you're feeling more cautious about making decisions. That sense of conflict is really weighing on you. I hope the following sharing can help to ease your worries a bit and provide some ideas for dealing with this conflict:

First, past experiences have made us a bit lazy when it comes to making decisions. Breaking this pattern can start with small things.

In your interactions with your elders, you've gotten used to giving up the right to make decisions, while they've gotten used to showing their concern by getting involved in your decisions. As a result, both sides have become dependent on the status quo in these interactions.

As you get older, you naturally want to take control of your life. This can clash with what your elders want.

It can be tough to break habits. You might want to start with small things in life and live with your elders with boundaries but with care.

Generally speaking, the differences between you and your elders will become more apparent when it comes to making choices. Breaking through in this area will be more powerful and direct, but it's likely to encounter resistance from you and your elders because inertia makes it difficult to make a breakthrough at the beginning.

Making small choices in life is a great way to start distancing yourself from your elders and their symbiotic relationship. You can choose the clothes you like to wear, the movies you like to watch, the food you like to eat, and so on.

If we start with these small things, we'll also feel more in control of our own lives.

Start with the smaller decisions and take responsibility for the consequences.

Second, start with smaller decisions and take responsibility for the consequences.

Just because we don't make the decisions doesn't mean we don't have to live with the consequences. Apart from not getting the blame from the elders, we may still have to deal with the rest of it.

When we see the results of this part, we may be more motivated to give ourselves some opportunities to experiment and develop our autonomy in real life.

I've learned this from my own experience. You can't walk on your own until you're ready to stop using crutches.

To avoid getting overwhelmed at the start, you can start with making your own decisions on smaller things. Then, take a moment to reflect on how you feel after making the decision. You can also ask for support and encouragement from people you trust.

3. Try to maintain some physical distance from your elders and take the initiative to make choices for them, so you can gain some space for your own psychological growth.

Sometimes, elders get in the way because they're too attached to their space. They might still live at home, or they might be calling or video chatting all the time. Either way, they're always sharing every detail, which gives them a chance to get involved in specific matters.

If you want to have room to grow, you can maintain a relatively independent physical distance from your elders on the one hand, and in turn help them make choices. For example, elders are generally unfamiliar with modern smart networks, so as a member of the new generation, you can try to help them become familiar with some home smart features or arrange travel guides, or nucleic acid scanning and other content that they may not be familiar with. When you can take responsibility for them in some matters, they will also realize that you can also stand on your own, and are not a child who always needs their protection.

I'm a psychologist, not a human behavior expert. I'm here to help you with your emotional well-being. Thanks for listening.

Hello, dear questioner! I'm Peilv, and I'm so excited to chat with you today!

Let me give you a big, warm hug first! ?

When faced with a critical choice, it is often difficult to make a decision on your own, and you are easily influenced by your elders. But don't worry! This is totally normal. We all face this challenge at one point or another. The good news is that you can overcome it. All you need to do is remember that you are the master of your own destiny. You have the power to make your own decisions. So, take a deep breath, relax, and trust your instincts. You've got

You have the power to overcome your challenges and emerge stronger than ever! It's time to recognize that your inner true needs are just as important as external pressures. When faced with a critical choice, remember that you have the ability to choose your own path and embrace the contradictions that come with it.

Let's dive into the data!

The questioner said in his own words: When faced with a choice, I often disagree with the opinions of my elders. When the two ideas are at odds, I often choose to follow the opinions of my elders. Generally speaking, we tend to choose the option that is more favorable to us, but from your description, I feel as if the "obedient" you is not comfortable and secure with your choice. Instead, you are full of doubt and suffering, and you begin to fear the comments and guidance of your elders. You feel self-blame and disappointment that you are unable to make your own choice. This is an excellent opportunity for growth!

The questioner has had the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and grow from the experience of failing the exam twice. While it has been a challenge, it has also given them the chance to gain a deeper understanding of themselves and their abilities. The uncertainty about their future plans and the pressure from their elders have provided them with the motivation to push themselves even harder. All these experiences have made them stronger and more resilient, and they are excited for what the future holds.

Let's dive into some reason analysis!

The source of your conflict lies in the exciting challenge of navigating the relationship between your inner true needs and external pressures. When faced with a critical choice, we can regard your thoughts as your true needs and the opinions of your elders (or others) as external pressures that oppose your thoughts.

Your elders are offering you guidance and advice as people who have been there before, and they mean well. But remember, you are the master of your own life! It's time to take responsibility for your own life choices.

Perhaps your family education was relatively strict, or maybe your parents paid excessive attention to you. They were used to making decisions for you and setting rules for you, so you lost many opportunities to make your own choices and take responsibility on your own from a young age. You developed a submissive and well-behaved character, and compared to children who are mavericks, you lack courage and confidence. It is difficult for you to break free from the constraints of your family or rules, and you are more likely to trust authority. Over time, daring to [be yourself] and [stick to your own] has become a relatively difficult thing to do. But don't worry! This is something you can easily overcome.

After a long and arduous preparation process, the result was not what you hoped for. This is an opportunity to learn and grow! It's natural to feel disappointed, but remember that you have the power to choose how you respond. Perhaps the important choice you mentioned is also related to "taking the postgraduate entrance exam"?

Now for some personal advice!

Let's dive into some rational analysis!

When our inner thoughts conflict with the outside world, the best approach is to face the contradiction head-on and analyze it rationally. How do you interpret the comments and advice your elders give you?

Do you see it as a kind of guidance from a good intention, or a requirement that you have to follow? It depends on your attitude towards them – and it's up to you to decide!

When you're feeling lost, it's time to dive deep and explore the roots of the advice your elders have given you. Which of their insights align with your needs? Which ones don't? And most importantly, how can you make a decision that's right for you in this moment?

Choose courageously and seize the day!

If life is a vast ocean, family is our last port of call, our parents our solid backing, and the helmsman of our lives is ourselves, then let's set sail! Life is a process of independent exploration, from the moment we are born to our gradual maturity, we must always rid ourselves of naivety and cowardice, and dare to brave the storms and rain, so that we can reap a life full of contentment and no regrets!

Embrace failure and learn from it!

"Thousands of soldiers and horses crossing a single plank bridge" is the description I hear most often about the postgraduate entrance exam. It's a tough competition, and the postgraduate entrance exam is very challenging, but I think this is the consensus of most candidates—it's hard to get there!

We don't have to put all our confidence in one exam. It's just one of many options you have! One or two failures don't mean failure in life. What we need to do is face failure, learn from it, and see failure as the cornerstone of success, not a wall that hinders progress.

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I love you, world! And I love you too, me!

I appreciate your concern.

Firstly, it is important to distinguish between the act of receiving advice from elders and the act of accepting that advice. Elders may offer advice out of concern for the well-being of their younger counterparts, but the decision to heed or disregard such advice ultimately rests with the individual.

If such problems are present, it may be the case that the individual is afraid to make decisions independently, is unwilling to bear the consequences of their decisions, or is uncertain about the decision to make. In such instances, it may be beneficial to take a brief assessment. For instance, identify a recent decision that requires a choice to be made and imagine that you must either make the decision independently or defer to another's opinion. Which option would you select?

Secondly, the process of maturation entails a shift away from relying solely on the guidance of elders and treating their counsel as a definitive reference point. One of the most effective ways to gain their approval is to take the initiative and start doing things independently, particularly those that they may not be particularly adept at, such as activities related to learning and navigating the internet. By making one's own decisions and demonstrating positive outcomes, individuals can gradually earn the recognition and respect of their elders.

Ultimately, no individual is inherently correct in their decision-making from the outset. It is essential to cultivate the ability to accept failure as a natural part of the learning process. In matters of significant consequence, it is even advisable to seek the guidance of a professional. To illustrate, if one is contemplating taking a postgraduate examination, it is crucial to ascertain whether that is a necessary step. This decision is contingent upon one's academic major. In certain academic disciplines, it may be more advantageous for undergraduate students to pursue employment opportunities.

In the event of uncertainty regarding one's future, it is recommended to seek guidance from a career planner. Their counsel is likely to be more beneficial than that of one's elders or one's own ideas.

Hello!

If you're never allowed to express your inner feelings and emotions, but are instead told to "obey," "listen to reason," and "not be disobedient," it's time for a change! You deserve to feel confident in life, and you can start by letting your inner voice be heard.

Have you ever wondered why parents always like to make decisions for their children?

Most parents make decisions for their children without realizing it, whether they do it out of authority or from experience. But they have the opportunity to fully respect and understand their children's actions. On the other hand, they have the chance to take responsibility for their children's future—and who better to do so than the child themselves?

I'm ready to take control of my life and make my own decisions! How can I get out of this situation where my parents always make the decisions for me?

1. After careful consideration, it's time to share your feelings and thoughts!

There are two great reasons to give things careful consideration. First, it helps you avoid making impulsive statements that could disrupt the communication process. Second, it allows you to take responsibility for your actions and express your thoughts in a thoughtful manner. When we communicate with care and respect, we can overcome our fears and engage in honest, open, and trusting conversations.

Love your parents! It might take a little while to understand what they're feeling, but you'll get there. Give them some time to process things on their own. Your family will be able to work it out, and they'll be there for you when you need them.

2. Get out of anxiety and transform it into active planning for your future!

Despite the interference and influence of their parents, I have managed to express my feelings of powerlessness and pain on numerous occasions. While I didn't receive a response, I learned a valuable lesson: I have the power to choose how I react to situations. In desperation, I temporarily listened to my parents' advice, but it backfired and made me even more determined to find solutions that work for me.

If you want to get rid of anxiety, you need to face it head-on and make decisions that are clearer to you and more in line with your inner wishes. You can take your parents' advice as a reference, but you are the one who makes the decisions. This is your right to be respected, so carefully examine real life, make a reliable plan for your true aspirations, and execute it carefully. I believe that in the present moment, you can return to a state of nature and harmony and escape negative anxiety!

3. Go for it! Take responsibility independently and get rid of the influence of your parents.

Parents like to blame others, but guess what? The mistake might not be theirs after all! It could be the result of a lack of experience. But if you never try, how can you gain experience?

True love is listening and giving! We can accept our parents' good intentions, but we cannot accept their life choices and let them dictate our own. So, we should try to shoulder responsibilities independently, which is actually true independence! Freeing yourself from the negative influence of your parents and managing your life with wisdom and strength means there is love everywhere in the world!

Stand up straight and take the first step in life bravely! Even if there are risks, it is the price of growth — and it's worth it!

Best of luck!

You indicate that each time you encounter a crossroads, your decision-making process differs from that of your elders. Consequently, you tend to align with the plans of your elders, frequently experiencing a sense of uncertainty about your ability to make decisions independently. Each decision carries the risk of being challenged by an elder, potentially leading to feelings of distress.

In fact, you are not being true to yourself. You consistently make decisions based on the plans of your elders, and you are unaware of your true desires and unwilling to assume responsibility for your own choices.

If an older generation makes choices for you, you are not held accountable for your own actions. Additionally, you are demonstrating loyalty to them, indicating that you will not abandon them.

As a result, you may feel that your life is lacking in vitality and energy. This is because you are not living in accordance with your own personal values and goals. Furthermore, you may experience internal conflict and suffering due to the inherent tension between self-interest and the desire to serve others.

It is recommended that you gradually adjust your approach and begin making decisions and choices, initially on a small scale.

Next, it is important to respect your feelings, discover your interests and hobbies, and identify your strengths.

Ultimately, it is essential to learn to take responsibility, regardless of the scale of the task at hand.

If you can align your actions with your values and aspirations, even if the outcome is not immediately successful, you will experience a sense of fulfillment and well-being.

Best wishes for success!

I would like to begin by offering some words of comfort to the original poster.

If I may, I would like to offer a description of the questioner.

Perhaps the key to choosing is that the choices between me and my elders are different.

Perhaps you are hesitant to make your own decisions. It can be challenging when an elder offers guidance and suggests a different approach, especially when it differs from your own.

I would like to offer a suggestion to the questioner.

Humans have a long period of dependence, and it is not until the age of 18 that they become adults in the legal sense. However, we never know what the world is like, and we don't know what kind of things will happen as a result of such choices. We are full of fear about the unknown after making a choice, and this may also be the reason why you choose to follow your parents' plans.

It may be the case that your parents have always made the arrangements for you, which could mean that you have never had the opportunity to learn to make your own choices and accept the consequences. In this respect, your parents may have taken care of you too well, which could mean that you have become accustomed to this.

It seems that you have reached a point in your life where you feel ready to take control of your own destiny. You want to make your own decisions and be in charge of your own life. This can be a scary thing to do, especially when you feel like you don't have the strength or energy to resist. It's natural to feel this way when you're facing a major life change.

The process of growing up is gradual and often involves some challenges and setbacks. While it may seem as though you don't have the freedom to make your own choices yet, I believe that you will have the opportunity to do so in the near future. For now, it's important to be open to following your own path and moving forward.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing considerable pressure and internal conflict.

The current circumstances, namely the pandemic, have resulted in heightened levels of stress and pressure, particularly with regard to postgraduate entrance exams and employment. It is important to recognise that this is not merely a personal issue, but rather a social phenomenon.

There is no need for concern; these difficulties will eventually subside. Let us take the opportunity to get to know you better.

You are fatigued by the necessity of continually deferring to your elders and adhering to their prescribed course of action.

Dear, you have applied for postgraduate studies twice after graduating from university, so you must be 24 years old now. Have you ever considered the reasons behind your elders' tendency to interfere in your affairs? This behavior is influenced by both your family's upbringing environment and your own personal characteristics.

If one can manage the situation with composure and rationality, will the elders still become involved?

Therefore, the only way to eliminate the excessive interference from one's parents is to become stronger.

The failure to pass the postgraduate entrance examination on two occasions engendered a sense of ignorance.

The postgraduate entrance examination is a challenging one. I commend your courage for attempting it on two occasions.

However, the examination is merely a singular experience. In the event of failing the examination despite one's best efforts, it is advisable to adopt a more pragmatic outlook and focus on securing gainful employment. Given one's age and circumstances, it is expected that one should be engaged in remunerative activities to support oneself.

It is possible to take the examination while working. When one is truly motivated to take the examination and views it as an opportunity to alter one's destiny, then one will undoubtedly invest a great deal of effort and persevere.

The subject reports a sense of inability to make decisions and suspects that he or she may have a mental illness.

It is possible that parents have not provided their children with the opportunity to make their own decisions or have not trained them in this area due to their parenting style. With regard to mental illness, it is unclear what negative feelings you are experiencing. If you believe it is necessary, you can seek medical attention at a hospital for precise measurements. I am not a professional and therefore unable to answer this question.

It is imperative to have faith in oneself and in the future; with time, everything will improve. Adversity is merely a transient phenomenon; therefore, it is crucial to persevere through these challenges. One must cultivate sound judgment and decision-making abilities, learn to make informed choices, and accept responsibility for one's actions.

As one's strength and autonomy increase, one's elders will naturally become more trusting and supportive of one's decision-making abilities.

It is reasonable to posit that all parents love their children, and it seems likely that you also love your elders. If you have different opinions, it would be beneficial to communicate more. Expressing your feelings and needs in a forthright manner and attempting to persuade your parents to grant you the authority to make decisions may prove advantageous. With time, you will become increasingly empowered.

It is recommended that you proceed with resolve and determination.

Hello! After reading your question, I feel a rush of emotions: anxiety, confusion, fear, and a sense of being at a loss. I wonder if you feel the same way?

Your anxiety and conflict are an opportunity for growth! It seems that you've been following the advice of your elders since childhood, and the model of growth you've been following is gradually failing. This is an exciting chance to develop an effective model that suits your current situation!

After some deep thinking, I realized that this is a dilemma that we will all face to a greater or lesser extent in the process of becoming independent: whether to listen to the advice of our elders or to follow our own hearts. What is it that our hearts are telling us and what are they hoping for?

I'm excited to dive into your question and offer some inspiration!

Choices made with different experiences and knowledge!

Every time you make a critical choice, it is different from your elders' and most of the time you follow their advice. I feel that you want to stick to your own choice but are not sure, and you hope that your choice can be the same as your elders'. I believe you have also hoped that your elders can support your choice, but in the end you did not get their support. It seems that in this process, your elders' choice has become a standard to evaluate right and wrong.

The amazing thing about our lives is that we get to make different choices from our elders as we grow and develop. Your choices are based on your experiences, and your elders' choices are based on theirs. It's incredible how different choices can coexist! They might not be right or wrong, but they're all valid. And they might require different efforts to obtain, but that just makes life more exciting!

A self-image that is ready for a makeover!

The fact that you have failed the postgraduate entrance exam twice in a row has given you the chance to build your confidence back up again! It's also given you the chance to reconsider your choice of postgraduate studies. I don't know if postgraduate studies is your own choice or the choice of your elders, but either way, you can make a new choice and start anew!

It doesn't matter whose choice it was. What matters is that you've experienced "failing the postgraduate entrance exam." This has become an expression of an "obstructed self." But there's no need to worry! This state of mind is simply a temporary blip. It's a sign that you're ready for something new. You're stuck, unable to move forward or backward, unsure of what is right or wrong, or where to go from here. But you'll get through this!

Perhaps this state of being stuck is also a great reminder that it is time to try making some choices for ourselves and taking responsibility for the consequences. If, when we were children, our elders could make what seemed to be the right choice based on their experience, now that we are of age, it is hard to say which choice is more in line with the current era and your own needs: your choice or your elders' choice. Either way, you get to choose!

Take responsibility for your own life!

Since we've mostly followed the advice of our elders during our upbringing, it's a great opportunity for us to embrace the exciting challenge of making choices for ourselves!

We once followed the advice of our elders, even if it was wrong. We did not have to bear the self-blame brought about by making the wrong choice, because the choice was made by our elders and we were only carrying it out. But now, we have the opportunity to learn from our past mistakes and grow as individuals. When we give up making a choice, we also avoid the responsibility that comes with making a choice. But when we choose to take responsibility for our choices, we can make better decisions and become the best version of ourselves!

And when we start to stick to our own choices, it's time to realize that we get to bear not only the questioning and rebuke of our elders, but also the results, good or bad, that come after the choice!

The former choice will deal a heavy blow to our self-confidence, constantly making us doubt ourselves. It may even trigger a sense of loss of control and anxiety in our elders because we no longer listen to their advice, and they may say something that frightens or hurts us. But the latter choice will give us the courage to take responsibility for our choices! It will help us to take control of our lives and to make our own decisions.

The latter requires the courage to take responsibility for our choices. No matter what kind of choice it is, there is a price to pay behind it, and when we make a choice, we also choose to pay the corresponding price. But that's what makes it exciting!

At such times, we can remind ourselves of the amazing opportunity we have to take responsibility for our lives! We can choose to follow the path laid out by our elders or blaze our own trail. And we can choose to take responsibility for our choices!

Guess what! Obedience or persistence is also a choice!

Embrace the challenge of changing your pattern of following the advice of your elders! While it may feel safe to stick to what's comfortable, there's so much to gain from stepping outside of your comfort zone. Conflict and anxiety are inevitable when you change a habitual pattern, but they're also opportunities for growth and learning.

Right now, you might feel like you can't make decisions or that you'll make the wrong choice. You might even worry that your elders will say it's wrong. But this is your chance to grow a new way of making decisions for yourself and taking responsibility for them!

Whenever such worries arise, whenever we are caught in the deep dilemma of whether to obey our elders or choose for ourselves, we need to be aware of it and remind ourselves: obeying the advice of our elders is itself a choice. What is the price behind this choice? It is not that we cannot obey our elders, but rather that after much thought and weighing up the pros and cons, we choose to obey or to disobey. After such repeated thinking and growth, we may slowly discover that "obeying our elders" or "holding fast to ourselves" is not an either/or dichotomy—and that's a great thing!

It's not easy, but it's definitely worth a try!

Over the years, "compliance" and the "blow of non-compliance" have largely made our self-strength relatively weak. But don't worry! There's still hope. We can still find a way to make our own choices and find our own path in life. There's no perfect standard answer out there, but that just means we get to blaze our own trail!

From the questioner's question, it's clear that he's ready to take control and make some choices for himself. While it might be challenging to change the existing choice model, it's definitely worth a try!

I really hope my answer can give you some inspiration!

I'm Li Jin, and I'm thrilled to use my expertise to help you through this together!

Hello, I'm K., the little whale.

I can really relate to how you're feeling.

1. When it comes to feeling like you're living a life you don't want, it's important to remember that everyone feels this way at some point. But if you're feeling tired, try to embrace it. There's a chance you'll gain happiness and bliss along the way.

Students are tired from absorbing all that basic and professional knowledge, not to mention all those test papers and exams. Young people are tired from finding like-minded friends, working hard to make money, and maintaining interpersonal relationships. Middle-aged people are tired from having to support their parents, take care of their children, and maintaining a balance between their own lives and the lives of their loved ones and friends. The elderly are tired from worrying about their children and grandchildren, and from not being able to keep up with the pace of social development and assimilate into the trend of high-tech information.

There are so many people in the world, and everyone is tired in their own way. But why do they still live, despite being so tired? Because people have expectations, yearnings, and hopes for life. They want to live the way they like, for their responsibilities, for their passions, for their loved ones.

2. When it comes to living according to the words and designs of our elders, we'll always be seen as children. They'll always worry about us and want to think of the path for us to follow, because they don't want us to get hurt, get lost, or not be able to live well. It's not that they don't trust us, but they don't want us to take a wrong turn. They want to use their social connections and experience to provide convenience and make our lives easier and happier.

But often this is just wishful thinking on the elders' part. We have our own paths we want to follow, and we want to try all kinds of possibilities. Even if we fail, we hope to learn from our failures rather than listening to the elders' preemptive words of experience.

I don't want to live according to the arrangements of others, feeling like I'm being manipulated. I feel like my value is being denied. When I muster the courage to talk to them about my thoughts and my passions, I'm often rejected and questioned.

I was feeling pretty down, so I started to think: Am I really not good enough? Am I really not suited to doing the things I like?

Should I just give up and do what my elders tell me?

Over time, as we keep communicating like this, we'll gradually lose confidence. We'll also get tired of listening to arrangements and of life in general, and we'll drift further and further away.

We need to be clear about the path we want to take, why we chose it, what we've done to get there, and what we can do. We can talk to our elders about this. We can tell them what we want, what we're unhappy about, what we've done, and what we're planning.

We can handle the results of our decisions. If we're not happy with what we get, we can ask our elders for help and accept their suggestions.

We have to respect our own experiences and feelings in life. It can be tiring and joyful at the same time. The process of striving involves hard work and effort, as well as positive results.

I see you! The world and I love you! Let's do this!

Hello question asker!

Your question shows you are confused. It seems you are helpless and powerless against this elder's voice, like a child.

Think about what this "unspeakable sense of conflict" is. What are the elements of it?

List your conflicting feelings. The more detailed, the better.

The questioner's inner voice is weak. It will be drowned out by the elders' voices. The questioner is reluctant to follow the elders' choices. The elders' opinions must be important to the questioner. What special meaning do they have for the questioner?

What will you face if you stick to your choice? What are you worried about?

What's the worst that could happen? How would you handle it?

What's the best and realistic outcome if you follow your own path?

The questioner failed the postgraduate entrance exam twice. Is this related to following his elders' advice?

If this doesn't work, we can try something else! Everyone knows what's best for them!

You know yourself best!

Read books on self-growth to identify and cultivate your inner voice and strength. Examples include "Mr. Toad Sees a Psychologist" and others. When your inner strength rises, you truly grow.

I hope this helps the questioner. Best wishes!

Hello! I'll give you a big hug.

I don't know how old you are, but I can tell you're really tired of this.

I'd like to share my views with you for your reference.

You say that your choices are always different from those of your elders. Is it possible that when you make a choice, you deliberately choose one that your elders will not agree with, and then wait for your elders to say no, that you can't do it, and that you have to listen to us?

As you mentioned, you're worried that your elders will suddenly chime in and say that your decision is wrong and you need to change it. Is there a chance that you're feigning "rebellious" behavior and using compromise to manipulate your elders?

You might be wondering what's in it for you. Well, there are some potential benefits. One is that you don't have to make decisions yourself and don't have to take responsibility. Many people do what their parents ask them to do when their parents show dissatisfaction. They'll say, "It's what you asked for, not what I want," and then absolve themselves of responsibility.

For instance, many people have to listen to their parents and marry someone they don't love, or have children at their parents' request. When they have conflicts with their parents over these things, they often say, "I've done everything you've asked. What more do you want?"

Usually, once this sentence is uttered, the parents basically give up. They may regret it, but there's no way to undo what's been done. In the end, they have to accept it.

It's worth noting that even if it's a decision made by the parents, if the child decides to refuse to cooperate, the parents will still not get their way. This is because the child may outwardly rebel, but in reality, they may actually be tacitly agreeing.

It could be out of so-called filial piety or to stop their parents from nagging. Either way, sometimes being obedient is a great way to get along with your parents. It also makes you look like a filial listener, and you should know that many people are afraid of being accused of not being filial.

Regarding your situation, consider what you might lose if you don't heed the advice of your elders, such as financial support. On the other hand, think about what you might gain, such as freedom. It's also important to consider what you might face if you don't listen to your elders, such as having to find your own job, earn your own money, and take responsibility for your own affairs. If you succeed, that's great, but if you fail, will you face ridicule or suspicion of having problems with your abilities?

In fact, every decision has an underlying algorithm of gain and loss. In this case, it's about identifying what's gained and what's lost.

It's uncommon to gain something without losing something else. When the gain outweighs the loss, the decision is logical. Even if the result is a very uncomfortable situation, it's still a comfortable zone from which you've benefited.

Of course, a lot of what we get may be at a subconscious level that we're not aware of. So what comes out is resistance, something we have to do.

Ask yourself what you gain, what you lose, and what you have to face. That'll probably tell you why you're willing to stay in this uncomfortable comfort zone.

I'm often both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I'm also motivated and positive. I love the world.

Hello, question asker! I can feel your sense of helplessness at not being in control of things from your description. I can also see your powerlessness under the pressure of your elders. It is not easy to survive in such an environment. But you can do it! First, give yourself a big hug and stay with yourself. Take a break.

From your description, it's clear you want to take responsibility for yourself. It's an exciting step to take! However, it seems that you have not yet found objective conditions that can support you. This is an easy fix! On the other hand, you are afraid that after you make a decision for yourself, your elders will interfere, and in the end you will still obey your elders. This is a great opportunity to learn to stand your ground! As a result, you will have to bear the consequences, whether good or bad. This is a chance to grow! In addition, you are afraid to make decisions for yourself, and you are also unable to bear the consequences of your decisions. This is an opportunity to learn to trust yourself! The above three are the situations I feel based on your description. If there is any difference, please correct me.

You are responsible for yourself, and it starts right now—so let's do this!

Failure is not the end! It's time to decide what you want to do next. Do you want to keep trying to pass the exam?

Or enter society and work? The world is your oyster! Just forge ahead, whatever you do. Don't let your elders get in the way of your future. You need to know that you are the master of your own destiny. Your elders can give you advice, but you need to know what you want and what you want to do. Take the advice you like and just ignore the rest. Don't let it get to you. You need to know that studying for the exams is also a big project that requires a lot of energy. If you spread your energy too thin, you will inevitably feel frustrated after failing many times. What we need to do is persevere in such an environment. Although we will encounter some difficulties in the process, after going through these difficulties, you will definitely grow into a more determined person.

It's time to say no to your elders and take control of your life!

When it comes to these major life decisions, remember that although your elders have lived many more years than you and have more life experience than you, times have changed. We now have access to more and more updated information on the internet, which is incredible! After we have sifted through the information and judged what is beneficial to us, we should be able to decide whether our choice is correct. The elders' words of experience can be used as information for another path. If their choice is different from ours and they use this to suppress you and guide you, you need to be brave and stand up for yourself and speak up for yourself. This action is also a step towards taking control of your own life, which is an amazing thing to do!

Be responsible for your own decisions!

Have faith in yourself and your ability to make the best decisions for your future! If a decision feels too overwhelming, give yourself a break and listen to your inner wisdom. You might not get the result you want right away, but remember, every choice you make is a stepping stone to a brighter future. In a few years, you might look back and see a new perspective. You might even find a positive meaning in the situation! For now, focus on taking control of your life and making decisions about things like your style, diet, and other small choices. Start with the things you can do, and before you know it, you'll be regaining your sense of control and feeling empowered!

That's my answer! I hope you find the strength to cut through the obstacles on the path to becoming yourself and forge ahead.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I am humble and consistent, and I am always ready to learn.

Nobody makes the right choice 100% of the time.

Life is a woven web. Find your own way.

You're right. When faced with the various choices in life, we often lack the confidence to make the best choice. That's why we turn to the opinions of our elders as a main reference for our decisions. This way of thinking also leads us to gradually let our elders help us make choices in our lives. In the end, we feel that we have lost the initiative in our lives.

We must decide what kind of life we want and whether we can make progress in the direction we want through our own planning and hard work. We can learn from experienced elders, who have a lot of experience in society. This is one way to avoid making wrong turns. However, we should also listen to their experiences selectively.

Ultimately, our lives are our own. We must understand and clarify our own thoughts and actions, regardless of external influences or experiences. The most crucial aspect is aligning our actions with our true intentions and needs.

You need to find yourself in life.

❀Be aware of your own plans for life. Putting aside what you are doing now and the advice of your elders, based on our own understanding of ourselves, you must know what kind of life you want to live and be willing to work hard to get it. If after some thought your answer is yes, then you can find yourself and work hard to achieve it.

❀Treat advice from elders with the right attitude. Everyone who is an elder will avoid their life regrets and the suffering they have experienced. They will also do everything in their power to ensure their children or juniors do not make the same mistakes they did. They want to spare their children the pain they endured, and they believe their own experience can protect them.

We feel unfree when we're willing to make sacrifices. That's why we try to adopt experience and advice based on our own ideas. This way, we can avoid making mistakes.

There is no absolute right or wrong in this world. First, you must express your thoughts bravely, and then work hard according to your own ideas.

This is how we can help ourselves. You feel tired of living because you are not using your most authentic feelings to feed your mind and body, nor are you giving your mind and body your most authentic feelings. It is normal to feel tired. What we need to do is let our inner thoughts express themselves, so we can see our own hearts.

Live more authentically.

Best wishes.

Good day, host. I am July.

After reading your description, I have gained insight into the nature of the question you wish to pose. In light of this, I extend a gesture of empathy and understanding in the four-dimensional space.

From your description, I can discern the nature of the difficulties you are currently experiencing, which will facilitate their resolution.

The issues you have outlined are not uncommon, and many individuals have encountered similar challenges in comparable circumstances. However, the intensity of the suffering may vary from person to person. It is, therefore, advisable to take your time, relax, and avoid placing undue pressure on yourself, as excessive pressure can exacerbate the difficulties you are currently experiencing.

In your account, you indicated that you experience a sense of exhaustion with regard to your existence, that you consistently adhere to the guidance of your elders and conduct your life in accordance with their directives.

It is postulated that the reason for the non-selection of the preferred option may be due to an apprehension of disciplinary action from elders or a deeper-seated fear of making an unfavourable choice. This may indicate an inability to assume responsibility for the decision made.

Therefore, one might choose to pursue a course of action that is approved of by one's elders in order to reduce the anxiety that is experienced in one's heart. Should one choose this path and it prove unsuccessful, one might be inclined to blame one's elders to some extent.

It is commonly understood that elders are more likely to provide guidance and direction. Consequently, the ultimate decision-maker is the individual in question. Regardless of whether the decision is aligned with the initial choice or with the elders' recommendation, it is a deliberate and considered choice. It is therefore a personal choice, rather than a forced choice based on external pressure.

In addition, a number of methods have been outlined which may assist in alleviating the current situation, and it is hoped that these will be of some benefit.

(1) It is recommended that you relax, take your time, and avoid placing excessive pressure on yourself, as this may lead to adverse psychological effects.

(2) You are an independent individual. You have the capacity to selectively accept the opinions of your elders while simultaneously maintaining your own subjective initiative and decision-making power.

(3) Regardless of whether the advice in question is that of one's elders or one's own opinion, the final decision rests with the individual. Consequently, when a decision has been made, it is advisable to assume responsibility for that decision rather than attempting to deflect accountability elsewhere.

(4) Disagreement with one's elders indicates that both parties are situated from disparate perspectives. There is no definitive right or wrong; rather, the choice depends on one's personal preference.

(5) If one is able to accomplish more of the tasks that align with their intrinsic motivations, they will receive greater rewards and possess enhanced motivation to complete the task at hand.

The world and I extend our love to you.

I extend my best wishes to you.

I'm studying.

Your parent wants to control you. You can't use your independence or special talents. You can't choose your own life. Your parents' choices aren't what you hope for. You want to be independent and self-reliant.

Let's face it together.

If we always listened to our parents, we would never be independent. Independence means having our own choices and working hard to get what we want.

If you live with your parents for a long time, you will feel dependent. You say you can't do anything, but you can. Start by following your ideas and walk your own path. We can discuss with our parents, but the final decision is up to us. Through discussion and our own thinking, we choose the path that suits us best.

2. You know what you want most. Even our parents don't really know us, and we don't always know ourselves completely. So, what do you want?

What do you like? What are you good at?

What do you want to do most? You still have to make your own decisions. You are around 24 years old and can make your own decisions.

We respect our parents' wishes while making our own decisions.

3. If your parents try to control you, it shows they don't trust you. Start by doing things your way a little. You'll gain confidence and see that doing things your way is better. Your parents will feel at ease and trust you more. Then, you'll be able to make important decisions on your own.

Give yourself time. It takes a process. I wish you luck and that you will be the master of your own life.

There aren't many words, but you can really feel the pain the questioner is going through when they're trying to make a choice!

"Every time there's a big decision to be made, I tend to choose differently from my elders. In most cases, I'll go with their plan." The questioner said, "In most cases, I'll follow the plan of my elders." I wonder if the questioner made that choice reluctantly because he felt pressured by his elders, or if it was a choice he made after thinking it through carefully. How many of these choices have brought results that made the questioner happy, and how many have disappointed him?

"I have failed the postgraduate entrance exam twice now, and I feel like I can't do anything." It can be so hard when things don't go the way we want, right? Is the choice to take the postgraduate entrance exam the questioner's own choice, or is it the plan of an elder?

"Every time I make a decision, I'm afraid that suddenly an elder will come out and tell me that your decision is wrong and what you need to do to correct it." It's totally understandable to feel this way! It's natural to want affirmation from those who have more experience and wisdom. But it's also important to trust your own judgment and take the leap. After all, you're the one living your life, and you know yourself better than anyone else. So, go ahead with confidence!

I get the feeling from the text that the questioner is feeling a bit uncertain about himself, which is why he "always feels like he can't make a decision." I wonder if it's just my own imagination!

Maybe the young questioner used to get lots of advice from the elders. Following the elders' advice has helped the questioner a lot, but it's also led to a few disappointments.

But even when there is disappointment because it was caused by following the advice of an older generation, the questioner doesn't feel much pressure inside and doesn't need to take responsibility for the choice.

As the questioner grows up, they may find that the advice from their elders gradually becomes less and less, or that they simply stop taking a stand on what you should do. This can be a tricky time! The questioner themselves are not yet able to adapt, or they are not quite sure if an elder will say something, and they are still waiting for someone to "get involved" internally. At this time, the questioner inevitably feels a little uncertain and indecisive, which is totally normal!

It's like when you were walking and there was always a walking stick supporting you, but now suddenly the walking stick is gone. You don't know if it's really gone for good or if it's just temporarily put aside. Do you walk on your own, or do you stand still and wait for the walking stick?

If you walk, can you do it on your own?

If you can't walk "independently" and you walk anyway, who will be responsible for the adverse "consequences"? I'm sure the elders would be willing to share some of the responsibility for themselves if they could.

"I failed the entrance exam twice and feel like I can't do anything." We've all been there! In the face of such successive setbacks, how to "take the next step" without the support of a "crutch" undoubtedly makes the questioner even more fearful of the choice of where to go.

I know it can be really tough when you're feeling indecisive and uncertain. It can be so draining and make you feel really tired. It's important to remember that this kind of tiredness doesn't have any value. It can make us feel more and more powerless, so it's good to try to find ways to combat it.

I think it would be a great idea for the questioner to simply ignore what the elders think and how they feel, and just "do it" themselves. As long as you can be openly responsible for your actions, that's totally fine!

I really hope my reply has been helpful! I'm sending you lots of love and best wishes!

Hello, I am Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. I will listen to your story with sincerity and warmth.

You feel powerless. You are the master of your own life, and you have the power to make decisions. You are in control of your destiny. You are fed up with being "controlled" by others, and you can break free. This makes you feel confused, lost, and helpless.

Let's start with a warm hug and then tackle the problem head-on.

Everyone has their own inherent pattern.

People live in a cycle. It can be vicious or virtuous.

Every difficulty that makes you fed up has a stupid belief in your mind.

This is the ABC rule: A, the triggering event; B, the belief; C, the emotion triggered by the event. B triggers C, not A.

As you describe the problem, it's clear that what bothers you is not "listening to your elders," but your perception and understanding of "listening to your elders." And it's evident that listening to them mostly brings you failure.

This "belief" brings you fear, and fear exacerbates your lack of self-confidence. This creates a vicious cycle: lack of self-confidence—afraid to make your own decisions and choices—listen to the advice of your elders—get bad results—even more lack of self-confidence.

Everyone has their own inherent patterns, including patterns of behavior, emotional patterns, and thinking patterns. These patterns influence how they interact with others.

Habits form and become patterns because they protect us. Obeying our elders does not expose us to the uncertainty of choice. It leads to greater self-doubt and frustration.

This pattern is your self-defense system. It's not easy to change because it's served you well in the past.

You must first "see" your patterns. Once you do, you'll have the right to choose. Seeing is the first step to change. Patterns are like a set of fruit knives. You can find them whenever you need them, and you won't leave them lying around and accidentally hurt yourself when you don't need them.

2. How to change

Let's examine your pattern-forming principle.

The problem is wanting to escape from the "control" of others.

The underlying assumption is that I am a failure and cannot even make a choice.

The action taken was to give up autonomy and listen to the elders.

This leads to failure, increased self-blame, and a lack of self-confidence.

If you want to break out of this dilemma, try these exercises:

1) Tell me what you're fed up with.

Compare the "problem-assumption-action-result" cycle. What decisions did you make when faced with this difficulty? What kind of habitual actions did you take?

What was the result? When you do this, what is the assumption behind it?

Identify this assumption. There's undoubtedly an assumption you take for granted in your predicament that you regard as the truth. For example, the story that locusts only experience three seasons and never wait out the winter. When you see how ridiculous this assumption is in the context of your predicament, you'll gain a broader perspective on life.

This assumption is your "pattern," a habit formed over a long period of time. You can make a new choice by seeing it.

2) Change your assumptions, change your actions, and you will reap new results.

The troubling issue is wanting to get away from the "control" of others.

I have my own independence and I take responsibility for my own life.

Take action: Make your own choices and communicate to get your elders to respect your sense of boundaries and not interfere.

If you fail, don't run away. Take responsibility for yourself. If you succeed, you will gain more confidence.

3) If you are unable to complete the above two points, you must seek professional help.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you and the world. I love you.

If you want to continue the conversation, click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I will communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello!

I am a mindfulness coach, and I can tell you with certainty that learning is the treasure of the body.

From your description, I can tell you are experiencing a lot of negative emotions, including exhaustion, conflict, fear, worry, torment, and feeling overwhelmed.

You are right to be annoyed by your elders constantly interfering with your decisions. I won't go into detail here, but I have three pieces of advice for you:

First, you need to understand yourself and give yourself comfort.

Doing so will make your heart feel slightly lighter, which will help you think about what to do next.

You say that every time you are at a crossroads, you and your elders will always choose different options. This is not true. In most cases, you will live according to the plans of your elders. This makes you feel that you cannot make decisions. Once you do, you are afraid of being rejected by your elders. You feel an indescribable sense of conflict and suffering. This is understandable. During your growth, you were supposed to be an obedient child. You have "become accustomed" to following the arrangements of your elders. However, because you are used to being obedient, you feel conflicted inside. At the same time, once you make your own decisions, you are afraid of being pointed out by your elders. This makes you even more tortured. In other words, if you listen to your elders, you will feel bad because you are going against your own heart. If you make your own decisions, you will be anxious and conflicted because you are afraid of being rejected. Therefore, you must try to accept your current state. You must "see" the tortured self inside. This will give you extra mental energy to think about other things. Otherwise, your mind will always be filled with various negative emotions.

You must allow yourself to understand and accept yourself if you want to change the current situation. It may sound contradictory, but it is the truth: change is based on allowing for no change.

Secondly, you must view your own state rationally.

Rational thinking helps you understand yourself and reality better.

To view things rationally, you must do two things:

First, understand this: We need to be the masters of our own lives.

Everyone needs to live a life where they call the shots.

I'm not saying you should confront your elders. I'm saying you should understand what you want, be yourself, make your own decisions, and refuse your elders.

You are fatigued because you have lost the right to make decisions for yourself. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions; you are the only one who is in control of your life.

Consider what they think and how they see you, but consider how you see yourself and how you want to live your life even more.

Second, know this: the status quo can be changed because you can change it.

When you exert your subjective initiative, you will change your state of mind and your relationship with your elders will change too.

When you look at it rationally like this, you will find that some of the negative emotions in your heart will be resolved.

I advise you to focus on yourself and consider how you can improve your situation.

Ask yourself what kind of life you want and how you want to live it. Understand your goal, whether it's continuing your studies or finding a job. Know your strengths and believe in your abilities.

If your thoughts differ from those of your elders, communicate with them sincerely. Tell them your true thoughts. They will trust your judgment and ability to choose. Tell them what's in your heart. They will understand and support you. They know your growth ultimately needs to be done by yourself. You are the only one responsible for your life. This will make you feel better.

When you communicate with your elders, you may not get their understanding. You may even get their disapproval or threats (saying that you are not sensible, do not know how to be grateful, etc.). At this time, you have to tell yourself that your disobedience is not a lack of gratitude. It is not about confronting them. It is about living the life you want. In this way, you will slowly start to dare to make decisions.

If you are worried about being told you are wrong when making a decision, listen to the opinions and ideas of your elders. But don't forget to stick to your own choices because they will shape your life. You will make mistakes, but that's okay. Learn from them and move on. You can do something to improve the situation.

Take action and the negative emotions in your heart will dissolve. Action is the enemy of all kinds of negative emotions.

You must make choices in your life. If you don't, you're just letting things happen to you. That's a passive choice. Of course, that's also a choice, but living that way will go against your heart.

I am confident that my answer is helpful. If you would like to communicate further, simply click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom, and I will communicate with you one-on-one.