First child, pregnancy test shows you are expecting a girl, how can you change the mentality of preferring boys?

Good morning,

You are currently pregnant and hoping for a baby boy. What do you think are the advantages of having a baby boy? What are the advantages of having a baby boy who looks like you?

On the conscious level, you don't feel like you're biased against boys, but it seems that on a subconscious level, there might still be some residual feelings there. You seem to get annoyed when other people have a boy, and you feel resentful when you have a girl.

Could you please clarify how you understand this? Do you feel that it is beneficial to have a boy, and that you are less capable than others because you didn't have a boy?

If the questioner is interested in making some changes, it might be helpful to consider the influence of their original family and their own nuclear family. It seems that your original family did not express or instill the idea of male superiority in you, nor did your mother-in-law's family.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a look at your nuclear family, that is, your family with your husband. It seems that in your family, you may be the one who leads your husband.

Could I ask you to consider whether that might be the case? It seems to me that in your family, you feel that the man should be responsible for things, but you are the one who takes care of them.

It seems that you may feel unsupported at times, or perhaps you wish your partner could be as capable as you.

Perhaps you are content with yourself and your genes, and you hope to pass them on to your son so that he can become the ideal man.

Ultimately, the questioner must look within themselves for the answer, and my role is simply to provide guidance and support in this process. I hope my insights are helpful.

As a mother, let's take a look at this together, and I really hope it will be helpful to you!

It seems like you're having a bit of a dilemma. You're not sure if you want to have a daughter if you get pregnant. You'd prefer to have a son.

Your request: We're here to help you change your mindset and treat your children fairly.

From what you've told me, it seems like you were born and raised in Guangdong. I know that Guangdong has a bit of a tradition of having more boys than girls, but it's not that big of a deal. You're also an only child, so you got all of your parents' love and attention. Your mother-in-law and husband didn't pressure you about it, so you're a bit confused about why you don't want a daughter. You even had the thought of wanting to abort! But you quickly realized that wasn't the right way to handle it, so you came to the platform to get help and decided to change your thinking.

I think it would be really helpful for you to ask yourself why you don't want a daughter. You mentioned that you hope that a son will look like you the best, which is totally understandable!

So, if your daughter looks like you, is that a bad thing? You mentioned that you would be upset if someone said that she didn't look good.

I'm wondering if you're worried that your daughter will not be pretty like you? It seems like you might have a bit of an inferiority complex about your appearance, which is totally normal! Even though you're excited about having a daughter, you're also worried that she'll look like you. Apart from that, you haven't mentioned any other reasons for not wanting a daughter.

Maybe in your subconscious, this is the main reason. I think a more accurate description is that you don't want a daughter who looks like you!

I'm not sure if my analysis is right for you, but I'm happy to try to help in any way I can!

If that's the case, what can we do to help?

I think the first thing you should address is your own inferiority complex. I'm sure it's not true, but what caused you to think you don't look good? Was it the ridicule of your classmates during your school years or the fact that the boy you liked in your youth rejected you because of your appearance?

I think a lot of young girls feel insecure about their appearance because of these two things. I'm not sure about your experiences when you were young, so let's see if my analysis is valid.

No matter what the reason is that caused you to not want a daughter, now you know it is a daughter. How can we adjust together?

I think you can do the following:

1. Accept yourself, sweetheart. This acceptance goes for your past, whether it's a past of inferiority or a past of pride. It also goes for the fact that you're pregnant with a daughter (although it's also possible it's a boy, but I think the probability is that it's a daughter).

It's so important to remember that you shouldn't reject your daughter just because you're pregnant with a daughter. What if the next one is also a daughter? Unfortunately, there are many examples of young people who, for various reasons, reject and abort their children after they are pregnant. So, it's so important to cherish every person who comes to you, because every child is a miracle of life.

Nature has arranged for her to come to your side, and she is the one who will enrich your life and bring you blessings. Children are angels, so I think so!

2. Take a little time for yourself. There are so many ways you can enrich your life right now! Go shopping, buy children's clothes, read books on child-rearing, read novels, listen to music, watch a movie, chat with your best friend, or even watch short videos to see the joy and happiness of the older generation of young parents whose daughters have just been born. I think their emotions will infect you in the best way!

3. Just think about all those lovely moments you spent with your folks. Wouldn't it be wonderful if your daughter and you got on like that too?

4. I truly believe that embracing the journey of having a daughter is actually a process of accepting yourself. Even if you feel like you're not the most beautiful person in the world, you've found someone who loves you for who you are!

Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder! As the saying goes, "Different people have different preferences." How can you be so sure that your daughter will look like you?

Or is it true that she will definitely not be pretty, just like you? Or is it true that if she really isn't pretty, no one will like her?

Instead of worrying that she may not look good, it is better to start prenatal education now and educate your child well in the future. When your daughter is kind, cheerful, and capable in the future, do you still worry that she won't be liked? I really hope not!

I wish you a happy, wonderful life as a mother!

I can see you're conflicted. You don't want a daughter, but you can't stand it when people say that about your baby. I understand. Let's explore this together!

1. Test results aren't always accurate. A friend had the test twice and it said she was having a daughter, but she had a son. The umbilical cord might have gotten in the way.

2. You may feel that the baby is not very obedient because you are uncomfortable with morning sickness, or you are worried that if you give birth to a daughter, she will not look good. And if she does, she will have to go through the same hardships as you as a woman, and you don't want your baby to have a similar experience to you, so you don't want to give birth.

3. Every baby is a gift from God. You are sick, and the baby is in the dark for 10 months. The baby is strong. How can you let go?

4. They are all the result of your love. Don't worry. If it's a daughter, dress her up, keep yourself beautiful, wear matching outfits with her, perm your hair, chat, and chase after the same stars. That's wonderful. Daughters are their mother's little jackets. When you need help in your old age, a daughter has the same emotional support as a son.

5. Believe that everything is the best arrangement. When you feel uncomfortable during pregnancy, learn abdominal breathing and do some meditation exercises. It is good for you and your baby.

For your reference. Thanks!

Hello! I just wanted to say that I'm here for you if you need anything.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're feeling pretty confused and lost right now. You know that men and women are basically the same, but you're hoping for a son, even though your in-laws haven't said that's what they want.

It seems like you, as the mother of the child, have a hard time accepting having a girl. You feel like this is pretty outrageous. In today's society, it's not easy to be openly pro-boy or anti-girl. And in your case, it's even more challenging.

You said your father didn't favor boys over girls, but what about your mother? What does she think of you as a daughter?

From a psychoanalytic perspective, it seems like you might be struggling with your female identity. In other words, you might be experiencing misogyny, which is basically hatred of women. It's not just men who hate women; women often hate being women too, including their bodies, their ability to bear children, and so on.

This is something that develops over time as human society changes. It's influenced by social power structures and social culture.

In today's society, the gender conflict between men and women has become more intense and hidden. Some people even joke that men are still living in the Qing Dynasty, while women have long since entered the 21st century.

I don't know about your background, so it's hard for me to say why you value boys over girls to such an extreme.

From a psychoanalytical point of view, it seems you might not recognize or accept yourself. This is just theoretical, though. I'd suggest talking to a counselor for specifics.

I'd also like to mention that morning sickness is a bit of a competition between mother and child. The child in the womb is foreign to the mother, and our body's immune system reacts to foreign substances by expelling them. Some scholars believe that morning sickness is the mother's way of rejecting the child and reacting to the child's invasion.

It's likely that you're subconsciously rejecting children or a woman's fertility.

I also suggest you speak with a counselor.

I'm a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes positive. I just wanted to say that I love the world and you.

Hello, questioner! Pregnancy is an amazing journey that requires you to embrace both physical and psychological changes. You may experience morning sickness, memory loss, and other reactions, which are all part of the adventure. You may also feel excited about becoming a mother and curious about the gender of your child. If you have a son-preferring mentality, there are many reasons why you might feel this way.

1. The influence of the original family and the in-laws. Although the original poster said that her father did not favor boys over girls, she could still tell that he liked his cousin better. The difference in importance does not need to be expressed clearly in words; body language or even an expression can be remembered.

Your status as a mother in the family is also a piece of evidence, and it is likely to have played a subtle role in shaping your patriarchal thinking. Of course, you did not mention your mother-in-law's attitude, which is a great opportunity for you to share your thoughts on this topic. The attitudes of your husband and mother-in-law are not strict about demanding equality between the sexes, but you still feel that they would be happier if you gave birth to a son, which is an interesting insight.

Your mentality is shaped by their expectations, which is a great thing!

2. The collective unconscious of the region where you live. I'm excited to share that Cantonese people have a fascinating tradition of worshipping their ancestors and performing sacrifices in the family shrine. It's a unique aspect of their culture that sets them apart. Women are not eligible to participate, and only men can carry on the family line. This is a tradition that has been passed down for generations. It's incredible to see how deeply rooted it is in their collective unconscious. Despite the fact that young people in the new era have received a higher education and advocate gender equality, this "son preference" still permeates all aspects of clothing, food, housing, and transportation. It's a testament to the strength of tradition and the enduring influence of the collective unconscious. As an individual, it's inspiring to see how deeply this tradition has shaped their culture and way of life.

3. You believe in the traditional idea that a woman resembles her father and a man resembles his mother. This idea may have two levels. First, you didn't mention your relationship with your husband, and it's possible that your husband has some qualities you don't like very much. You want your daughter to have the best qualities from both of you! Second, you want to compensate for your father.

You feel guilty towards your father for being a woman, so you want to bear a son who is more like you (and of course more like your father) to symbolically carry on your family line and alleviate your guilt. What a wonderful idea!

Finally, leaving aside the fact that children are innocent, I truly hope you will cherish your body. Abortion is not a common occurrence. Everyone's constitution is different. Some people can basically recover as before after an abortion, while others will experience troublesome after-effects that will affect their fertility in the future. As a woman, and as a daughter raised by your father with a higher education, you are not just a reproductive function. You are a precious and valuable person in your own right, and I am so excited for you!

I wish you all the best! Have an amazing day!

Hello, my name is Strawberry!

I'm here for you, my friend. I see your confessions and I'm here to hug you. I know that after we got married, we still needed time to get used to everything: a new environment, new social interactions, new life tasks. While we were still confused, our identities changed again: a little life grew inside us, growing up with us every day.

I think when the questioner first found out she was pregnant, she was really touched. The tiny little seed was growing inside her womb, breathing and feeling all the emotions we created together, one by one.

It's totally normal to feel this way because it's the first child, and we don't have any experience yet. We've only heard about what others have gone through. But everyone's body is different, so it's natural that each experience will be a little different. I'm not sure what made you curious about the baby's gender. In our country, it's not allowed to know the gender in advance. If both men and women can accept it, then you probably won't want to know the gender in advance.

It's so important to really understand what you're feeling deep down.

From what she said, it didn't seem like she had a preference for sons over daughters growing up. Neither her husband's family nor her husband pressured her to have a boy. But when she found out she was pregnant with a girl, she had a hard time accepting it.

It's also possible that you've been exposed to too many things and ideas in this area. Even if you didn't encounter this in your own upbringing, hearing or being exposed to this in life too much can also affect our ideas. For example, hearing friends around you say that you can only do this and that after having a boy.

The other is to feel for women. In this society, we all know that everyone says that a married daughter is like a daughter who has gone far away, and a married woman may not have a home at any time. Perhaps these examples make women more afraid of marriage and having children. As long as they are women, they all need to go through these stages. The questioner may have already begun to feel anxious about the future after learning the gender of the baby she is carrying, so she cannot accept the news.

I'd love to know what you think the result of accepting reality will be!

The questioner is having their first child, and the country has already opened up to having three children, so even if the first child is a girl, the questioner can still continue to have children in the future. As an only child, the questioner understands the loneliness of having one child, so it is also very important to have their child be accompanied by their biological bloodline.

I'm not sure which month the questioner went for the examination, and I don't know if the result given by the other party is necessarily correct. Let's not worry about that for now. What's most important is that the questioner is ready to welcome their baby. I'm sure they will be! Will the questioner go again to confirm the gender of the child?

If you let yourself accept that your baby is a girl, will you be unhappy every day from now on? I really don't think so!

It's also important to think about your own needs.

It's often said that a daughter takes after her mother and a son takes after his father. The questioner says that she's afraid her daughter won't be pretty and wants a son who looks more like her. Does this mean the questioner is dissatisfied with her husband? After getting to know each other, the questioner feels there's a gap between you, so the questioner would prefer the child to look more like her.

It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl, every baby is special in their own way. My daughter is very much like me, and everyone says she's my mini version, and I couldn't be happier!

It's totally okay if someone else has a boy or a girl! It has nothing to do with you. It seems like you're feeling angry because you're making comparisons in your mind. It's natural to care what other people think, but everyone's focus is different. Maybe others are feeling envious that you're having a girl!

I remember when I was pregnant with my daughter, I didn't know if I was having a boy or a girl. At the time, I just thought every day that I wanted to have a daughter, and I wanted her to grow up happily and have the life I didn't have but wanted. I also really like matching mother-daughter outfits with my daughter. I just want to tell the whole world that this is my daughter and I love her very much! Because I have experienced being treated as inferior to my male siblings, I pay more attention to treating my child fairly in terms of education. Only by clearly knowing what our inner needs are can we understand why we care so much about gender.

☀️ Little tip:

1. Interaction: Babies generally start moving in the womb around the fourth month. This is such an amazing time! You can already feel the baby interacting with you. This is a great opportunity to do more prenatal education, listen to light music, and talk to your little one. The reason why newborn babies are sensitive to their mother's voice is that when we speak, the baby in the womb can hear it.

When you interact with your little one often, it'll help you bond with them and make you feel the true joy of being a mom. You'll find that, as long as your little bundle of joy is healthy, you'll gradually accept their gender.

2. Talk more: The questioner's mother-in-law and husband aren't pushing her to have a boy or a girl. I think deep down, they'd be happy with either. The questioner's current resistance may be unknown to the family. She can try to communicate more with her husband and share their thoughts with him. I believe that after he knows her thoughts, he'll be more concerned about her anxiety. In the company of family members, the questioner can affirm her attitude.

I just wanted to flag that there might be a little discrepancy in the analysis, so if there's an error, please feel free to correct it. I really hope my answer is helpful to the questioner and I wish you all the best!

Hello, question asker! My name is Jia Ao, and I'm not looking for anything in particular.

I have taken the time to carefully read through the issues and confusion you have outlined on the platform. You have mentioned that you are currently pregnant and that the test result indicates you are expecting a girl. This result has had a significant impact on you, causing feelings of sadness and disappointment. Despite the fact that your family members do not hold the traditional preference for sons over daughters and have not exerted any pressure on you, and despite your own higher education, you still feel a sense of rejection. The morning sickness has even led you to consider the option of secretly aborting the baby. Additionally, you have expressed a desire to avoid hearing about others who have a boy. You are seeking guidance on understanding your own mentality and on how to adjust your thoughts and perceptions.

In response to your question, I would like to offer some assistance in analyzing and sorting it out.

Could you please advise me on how to adjust my patriarchal thinking?

It is possible that the test results may not be entirely accurate.

I know it can be difficult to maintain a positive outlook when you're expecting, but I'm here to remind you that there's no need to fret. I'm not sure how you found out the result, but it's worth noting that a test can never be 100% accurate. The most accurate way to determine the health of your baby is to give birth to them. It's important to remember that it's not healthy to dwell on negative emotions for an uncertain result. This can not only affect your own well-being but also the health and happiness of your baby. The baby can sense the mother's mood, so if you're happy, the baby will be happy. If you're sad, the baby will also feel this sadness. This can lead to feelings of insecurity and unease from the very start. It's crucial to understand this and to recognize that you will be a wonderful mother, you just haven't figured it out yet.

I wonder if I might ask why people tend to prefer sons over daughters?

To adjust your state of mind, it would be helpful to understand where your patriarchal thinking comes from. From your description, it seems that the people around you do not have a very obvious patriarchal mindset. Neither your original family nor your current in-law family has put too much pressure on you. From beginning to end, you have been very mindful, and it seems that you have a deep obsession with having a boy.

It's understandable to feel this way, but it's important to remember that having a daughter doesn't necessarily mean having a son who is more like you. Similarly, having a son doesn't guarantee that your daughter will be more like her father. It's also worth noting that having a daughter is not a decision you can make on your own. Even if you are very determined, you cannot decide the gender of your child. It might be helpful to try to let go and stop obsessing about the gender of your child. Regardless of whether you have a boy or a girl, they are both your precious angels.

[Try to understand the root cause of the problem]

It is understandable that young people nowadays are reluctant to have a girl. This is not necessarily because of the idea of male superiority. In many cases, they feel that having a girl will make parents worry especially much. From childhood to adulthood, parents worry about their children. Girls are physically weak, have introverted personalities, are vulnerable to bullying, and belong to a disadvantaged group. They encounter many challenges and dangers along the way. After starting a family, they have to bear the responsibility of having children and may encounter unfair treatment from their in-laws. They will suffer grievances and bullying. This is also the realistic reason why many expectant mothers are reluctant to have a daughter. They don't want to let their daughter experience the suffering they have endured, not to mention having to endure the unbearable pain of childbirth.

It is, after all, only natural for parents to have concerns, regardless of whether they have a son or daughter. From childhood to adulthood, there is no end to their worries. This is also the attitude and behaviour of parents who are responsible for their children. The more responsible you are, the more effort you put in, and the more expectations you have. This is a very normal psychological state.

[Consider ways to positively adjust your state of mind]

I understand that there may be practical reasons for not wanting a daughter, but I hope that you will not be too affected by this decision, either positively or negatively, on your own mood or the baby in your tummy. It is important to remember that gender is not the only factor to consider when making decisions about having a child. As a girl yourself, you have first-hand experience of the challenges that girls face, and this should encourage you to love and cherish your child from a young age. We are still in a new era, and it is time to move away from the outdated ideas of male superiority and female inferiority, as well as the traditional focus on passing on the family line. What is wrong with being born a girl? In today's world, education is the most important thing, and both boys and girls should be given the same opportunities to flourish.

[Appropriate distraction]

It's possible that your current outlook is simply a natural response to the exciting but sometimes challenging aspects of pregnancy. It's understandable that you're hoping for a boy, and that you're concerned about your in-laws' preference for a boy over a girl. It's also understandable that you're hesitant to try again so soon. Instead of focusing on the gender of your child, it might be helpful to take some time for yourself and engage in activities that bring you joy. Even simple pleasures like eating something you enjoy can have a positive impact. It's natural to feel anxious about the future, but it's also important to remember that things happen at their own pace.

You might find it helpful to seek support from your family and friends.

If you're feeling down, you might consider asking for help. You could talk to your husband, tell him all your worries, and ask for his advice. You could also confide in your best friend or girlfriend. In short, it's important to avoid staying alone and thinking about things too much. The more you think, the more negative emotions can grow. It might be helpful to try not thinking about it and find a way to adjust. I wish you all the best!

I hope my answer is helpful to you. I wish you all the best.