For the past five months, you have been dependent on listening, but after recent counseling, you have no interest in listening?

Hello.

Host:

After carefully reading the post, I can see that you have doubts about yourself. You have also taken the brave step of seeking help on this platform, which will undoubtedly help you understand yourself better and clarify your inner self.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts on the post, which will undoubtedly help the poster to look at it from a more diverse perspective.

1. What benefits does listening give you?

From the post, it is clear that you have been dependent on listening from May to October 1st, basically listening every day or chatting every other day. If you don't chat, you feel anxious because you don't have much to talk about with your family, and listening seems like a way to understand me.

But too frequent listening also causes me problems, affects my life, and costs a lot of money. It feels a bit addictive.

From these descriptions, it is clear that the host is dependent on listening.

So, let's explore this together. Psychologically speaking, what we depend on must meet our needs or be good for us.

You said that listening makes you feel understood. You also said that anxiety makes you listen. So, does listening help you relieve your emotions?

This has become a way for you to deal with anxiety. We can and should think about this. When listening has given us so many benefits, we can and should rely on listening.

2. Tell me what you feel when you take part in family therapy.

The poster stated that after a recent three-hour family therapy personal consultation, she felt her mind was full of things and that she was in a daze all day, as if she was still in the moment of the consultation and had no desire to listen anymore. I want to know what the poster felt during the family therapy personal treatment.

I want to know if you feel understood, accepted, and listened to. What do you think you have gained from this therapy?

What needs are being met? It's likely that in the process of therapy, our needs have been met through listening, making us less reliant on it.

This is something we can and should think about. When our needs are met, we no longer want or depend on it as much. It's simple: when we're full, we don't want to eat as much anymore.

3. Think about what you want.

The post clearly shows that the poster both listens and provides psychological counseling. I am certain that both can help you.

We must also consider our original intention for seeking help. It is to help us understand ourselves and grow better.

Or is it simply that we want someone to understand us, to listen to us, and to be there for us when we are feeling emotional?

Knowing what we want is the first step to making the right choices. Counseling and listening are two different approaches. A professional counselor can help us explore our problems and replace irrational beliefs with reasonable ones.

Listening is more timely, which is something that counseling does not have. However, listening also has its limitations, and exploring our problems may not be as in-depth as we would like.

The original poster should consider what their original intention was.

I am confident that these will be of some help and inspiration to you.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach.

I can tell you're feeling confused and worried. On the one hand, I feel like I'm dependent on listening, and I want to get rid of it because of the time and money involved. On the other hand, I suddenly lost interest in listening because of the family therapy personal consultation that I just finished, and I don't know why.

Let's share and explore together.

?1. I feel like I've become dependent on listening. It's great to see that you're getting what you need.

"There's always been a focus on listening." When a behavior or action is maintained and reinforced, it's helpful to reflect on what we've done or not done to allow this behavior or action to continue.

As you mentioned, you feel like you've found a way to understand yourself through listening. At home, you feel frustrated at not being understood, seen, or accepted by your family members. This kind of unmet need has sparked your keen interest in listening.

When we see our own patterns and our own needs and desires, we already have the right to choose. You can keep spending money on listening or you can choose to find other ways to achieve satisfaction.

?2. Use this time to make the necessary adjustments.

I don't know if you have a background in psychology, but you seem very studious and eager to grow. I don't know much about family therapy, but it's a short-term psychological treatment method.

During the three-hour consultation, is there a lot of back-and-forth throughout the process (the counselor will continuously clarify the questions)? It may seem like the counselor is "helping" you solve problems, but in reality, they are helping you find/see the resources you have to solve problems on your own.

It's a bit like brainstorming, which naturally uses up a lot of energy. But the effect of the consultation is still there. I feel confused, and my understanding is that I should be in the "rumination" stage. Family therapy will allow the visitor a certain amount of time to digest.

You're struggling to understand why you no longer have the desire to listen. When needs are met and we have more resources, we have more choices.

So, you can use this "gap period" after family therapy to make new choices and changes in how you listen.

I hope this is helpful to you, and I wish you all the best.

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the lower right corner to chat.

Hello, host.

From your description, I can sense the relationship between you and "listening." From May to October, you had an extraordinary "intimate relationship" with listening. Then, because you had a 3-hour family consultation, you lost interest in it. You are confused about this, wondering why you used to like listening so much.

Attachment stage: You relate to listening like a child relates to a mother. Have you ever felt like an infant being weaned? For five months, you listened to and relied on listening almost every day. The listening process brought you good feelings and support, comfort, warmth, and strength. It can also be said that listening has satisfied your needs.

The stage of separation and individuation. As babies grow, they need more than just nutrients from their mother's milk. They need complementary foods. You are dissatisfied with your mother because listening not only satisfies you, but also brings you pressure because it requires money and time. At this time, you begin to feel the bad side of listening.

It's like a baby experiencing their mother's bad side. This is good for the baby's development. This bad feeling is what makes the child separate from their mother and ready for weaning.

Your subconscious mind has already helped you make a choice. You did family therapy, which is similar to adding a "third party" father to the mother and baby. This separated the baby from the mother. You are still confused about your feelings about family therapy, but this third party has appeared. This is the beginning of helping you move towards a complex three-party world. From the mother-child binary to the mother, father, and baby ternary, this is great progress and growth.

Listening is like being a nursing baby. You are nourished, and then you are weaned. To complete this process well, you need a third party to help you move on. You are currently moving on through growth psychology.

You also said you're addicted to listening, that you feel uncomfortable unless you listen, that it's bad to try to stop listening, and that anxiety makes you listen. There's a conflict: listening makes you feel good but also costs money and time.

If this is the only reason, you need to look at this conflict.

Another perspective is that you've invested too much in listening. This has made it hard for you to live without listening. Not listening is not good. After listening, you feel like you've wasted money. This makes you feel like you need to keep listening. This conflict is not an obstacle. It's a driving force. It makes you see that some excessive listening is not good.

Breastfeeding almost every day for 5 months is excessive. Too much milk can upset a baby's stomach. A proper sense of boundaries is more conducive to growth.

Your subconscious helped you make a judgment and take action.

Just go with your gut. You were right to listen to your instincts. It's not bad to leave in good time. No matter how good a breast is, it's not comfortable for a baby to bite its mother.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Hello, I read your question and it made me hesitate to answer because I'm afraid.

You realize you are addicted to listening. It costs a lot of time and money, and you feel uncomfortable if you don't listen.

Psychological listening and counseling help people deal with negative emotions, solve problems, and grow. They help people face life and study better.

You rely on psychological listening to get rid of anxiety, but it also makes you anxious about not listening.

It's like someone who uses crutches to walk but can't stop when they're healed.

You say you're addicted to listening.

The word "addiction" is scary. It reminds me of drugs, medicine, the internet, and bad habits.

It's strange that a method that could relieve anxiety causes anxiety.

Ask yourself what you want from psychological listening.

If psychological listening helps you, you can stop using it. You can face the storm alone and become strong.

Good psychological listening helps you achieve this goal.

A child leaves home to become independent, just as they were nurtured and cared for by their parents.

If you can't stop listening, you need to think about why.

Have you given up some of your responsibilities to the listener? Have you lost control of your own growth? Do you want to stay a child forever?

Or are you being listened to by PUA?

Ask yourself some more questions. This addiction might be the source of your problem.

I was confused by your mention of individual counseling in family therapy.

Family therapy is about you and your family.

Think about what you have gained from psychological counseling. Have your emotions eased? Have you benefited from it? It is also important to choose the right counselor.

Don't replace one addiction with another.

Treating addiction with addiction is pointless.

I hope this helps. Get rid of your troubles and feel better.

You can solve your own psychological problems.

I love you.