[Forms of Love] I've known this guy for a year, and he still treats me like a brother?

Hello! I've experienced two relationship setbacks and am now happily married. I'd love to share a few thoughts about love. The nature of love is that if a man really likes a woman, he will take the initiative. If a woman really likes a man, she will be enthusiastic!

A man's unpredictable behavior and ambiguous attitude indicate that he is thinking about other women, or that there is a woman in his heart whom he cannot let go. A woman's indifferent attitude indicates that she is not too fond of the man, but she's ready for something new!

It's human nature to crave security. We all have things that we value deeply, and it's only natural to feel uneasy when we feel like we're being misunderstood. When the other person seems distant or indifferent, it's easy to try to find reasons for their behavior. But there's another instinct at play here: our desire to believe that we're worthy of love and that we deserve better.

So while we are making excuses for the other person, we are also making excuses for ourselves. Admitting that the other person doesn't love us is painful, but there is one thing we don't understand: is it definitely our fault if the other person doesn't cherish themselves and abandons us?

Could it be that we are not good enough to be loved? Absolutely not! The other person is simply a person who starts and ends relationships.

Did the other person make a mistake? Absolutely! Even if he no longer loves you, you are still amazing and worthy of love. Just stop in time, withdraw your love for him, and make an elegant turn. You've got this!

Hello, original poster!

You've been friends with this guy for a year. He has a boyfriend, but he's still interested in you! When we drink, he gives you these really interesting body signals. You feel like he's treating you like a brother because he tells you this, but sometimes his behavior is a bit ambiguous, so you feel very confused. Is that right?

I'd also love for you to think about how you feel about him. How do you feel about this intriguing behavior?

From your description, it's clear that this guy is playing some intriguing games with you! As you mentioned at the end of your description, when he's drunk, he'll give you some intimate behaviors and misunderstandings. And after he's sobered up, he'll no longer mention going home.

We should definitely stay away from this kind of guy!

First of all, the fact that he can show you chat records with other girls and records of staying in a hotel room does not mean that he is being honest with you. It could be a kind of show-off, or it could be that he just likes that feeling. But the more he does this, the more we as girls should learn to protect ourselves, stay away from him, and not let ourselves get hurt. Because boys and girls have different emotional needs, girls are more prone to attachment. This is something we can use to our advantage!

Second, when he's drunk, he gives you some ambiguous gestures and behaviors. When he sobered up, he didn't directly send you home, and he didn't think about whether it's safe for you, a girl, to go home alone. He just called you after you went home to ask if you were safe! In fact, in this case, the possibility of him being sincere towards us is particularly low, so there's no need to think about what he's really doing or what he's thinking.

Regardless of whether he has feelings for us or not, we should definitely stay away!

Then, I think you can find someone who loves you wholeheartedly! In the meantime, we just need to take care of ourselves and protect ourselves. I, for someone who once treated you like a brother but sometimes gave you some ambiguous relationship, we need to learn to refuse and not give them an opportunity.

Hello, question asker! I am Jia Ao, and I am here to help.

I have seen the problems and confusions you have described in detail, and I have also helped you analyze them in detail. You said that you have known this boy for a year, but you feel that he always treats you like a brother. He keeps showing you screenshots of his chats with other girls, showing off all kinds of things, while on the other hand, he shows a strong interest in you, always having intentional or unintentional physical contact with you, and even crossing the line with you. What does he mean? What does he really want?

You're asking for help because you've fallen for him. You care about his every move, want to understand his intentions, and want to solve this problem.

Let me help you analyze and sort things out.

1. Ask him directly and clearly what he really means. You obviously have a boyfriend, so why is he being so intimate with you? And why does he always act like he has feelings for you and wants to do something about it?

2. You need to be aware of yourself and your feelings. Ask yourself if you really like him and if he has noticed. Has he done all this to stimulate you and test your performance and reaction? If you are also interested, you need to be confident in your own feelings and observations.

3. You need to establish effective communication. Find an opportunity to talk and get to know each other's true thoughts. You've known each other for a long time, so there's no need to keep guessing. Be straightforward and honest with each other. Talk things out, then negotiate and resolve anything.

4. If he just wants to have some fun or has no intention of separating from his current partner, you must stay calm and level-headed. After talking it out, persuade yourself and think more about your future situation. If it really doesn't make sense and there's no outcome, stop the relationship in time. This is the best ending. You can get out of the relationship better, not be vulnerable to any harm, and not worry too much.

I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you.

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and I hope my reply can be of some help and support to you.

It seems that you have been spending time with this guy for over a year. Even on Valentine's Day, he showed you screenshots of him and his girlfriend having sex. It's not clear whether he was showing off or hoping to get your love in return. Do you think that you attracted this ambiguous relationship?

Given the length of your acquaintance, you may wish to discuss the situation in greater depth. It is important to consider whether your feelings are as strong as they appear, and whether your relationship is as close as you would like it to be. It may be helpful to reflect on your own behaviour towards the other person, and to consider whether you are making it easy for him to approach you.

While being ambiguous, you flaunt it, and the other person brings you what kind of feeling. He needs to be loved and seen. Do you think you could satisfy his desire and give him the feeling of identifying himself? You have brought the guy into your circle, and I'm not sure what kind of friend you are. He might also see your honesty and your true self.

Perhaps it would be helpful to ask yourself whether your feelings for him are rooted in love or a need to feel loved. It seems that your inner loneliness is seeking validation from others, which can lead to a constant feeling of longing. His behavior, too, is driven by a deep-seated need that cannot be easily stopped. He took a screenshot of him and his girlfriend in a hotel room and sent it to you. This suggests that he wants to be seen and recognized by you, not to underestimate you, but to find a sense of existence. What are your thoughts on this?

Given the length of your relationship, it seems appropriate to continue. However, if it is not, it might be best to avoid wasting each other's time and causing pain to both parties. While we cannot change others, we can certainly work on ourselves. It's important to recognize that girls often need a certain level of pampering. Do you feel this is something you need to consider?

If a formal relationship is established, it's possible that conflicts may arise if the two parties do not adjust. It's important to remember that everyone has an inherent way of thinking and acting that is difficult to change. If you truly love him, then it might be worth considering going for it, changing yourself, being able to accept the consequences, and taking responsibility.

Could you please reflect on what you have gained from getting along with each other and what its value and significance are to you? When interacting with each other, it is important to show mutual respect and express one's wishes sincerely, rather than demanding from the other person.

We can learn to love ourselves, to meet our own needs, to feel secure in ourselves, to constantly improve ourselves, and to become rich within. When we do so, we will attract many good people. It may be helpful to listen to our inner voice and move in the direction we want to go.

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer will be of some assistance to you.

Based on your description, it appears that he has a girlfriend. However, he consistently sends you screenshots of his conversations with other women. Additionally, the recent drinking session suggests that he does not treat you as a mere acquaintance. If he truly regarded you as a brother, there would be no such intimate interactions. His active pursuit of communication indicates that he has feelings for you. Those in the know are confused, and those on the sidelines are clear. From a third-party perspective, we can discern the nature of your current relationship. He has positive feelings for you and even hopes to develop a closer relationship with you. However, it is essential to consider your own feelings and intentions.

Please advise. Do you wish to develop an intimate relationship with him? If you do not approve of his conduct, you may decline his advances and safeguard your boundaries. If you also find him attractive and wish to pursue a relationship with him, the situation may become more complex. However, you must ultimately decide and take responsibility for your actions.

I advise you to:

A person's actions and behavior can be indicative of their feelings towards another individual. In some cases, these actions may serve as a test to ascertain whether the other person reciprocates those feelings.

You informed me that on the previous occasion you were socialising with friends, he persistently pinched you under the table. You subsequently consumed a quantity of alcohol, and when the evening concluded, he accompanied you to your friend's residence. You were unsure of the purpose of this visit, and then he provided you with his jacket, which you wore. He repeatedly enquired as to why you were wearing his jacket, and pinched your ears because you had previously stated that your ears were sensitive. Upon arrival at your friend's residence, they conversed while you slept. Your friend had to leave for a reason, and he even pulled your shoulder straps, which you pushed back. Then he demanded to see your phone and repeatedly asked for the password. It is possible that it was simply because someone had sent you a message, and you did not respond. When it was time to leave, he pushed you against the wall and enquired, but you did not respond. Later, when you had regained your faculties, he did not inform you that he would take you home, so you simply stated that you could return home unaccompanied and departed. He did call you, but you did not answer.

You may choose to skip this paragraph and observe yourself and the experience from an objective perspective. Have you noticed that if he were your brother, he would not have behaved in such an intimate way? In particular, pinching ears, pulling shoulder straps, and pushing against a wall are very obvious hints. It is not necessary to listen to what he says; what he says may not be true, but his body language conveys more information than words.

In fact, in communication, words can only express 7% of what we want to say, while tone and intonation can express 38%. The remaining 55% depends on body language. Therefore, it is important to listen to what he says and observe his actions to gain insight into his character.

2. Should you have an unfavorable opinion of the individual in question, it is advisable to express your rejection in a forthright manner and safeguard your personal boundaries.

If you have genuine reservations about this individual, then his actions have already encroached upon your personal space. If you do not proactively communicate your rejection and disapproval, then he may perceive that his conduct is acceptable. Therefore, if you have misgivings about this individual and the way he interacts with you, then it is important to clearly and assertively convey your feelings and expectations, and indicate that his behaviour is unacceptable.

To ascertain whether you are interested in pursuing a relationship with him, observe your response to his displays of intimacy.

I had a colleague who took the initiative to pick me up at the train station when I returned home for the National Day holiday during my sophomore year. After picking me up, he put his arm around my shoulders in a very intimate manner, despite the presence of my fellow college students. I felt somewhat uncomfortable, but I was grateful for his gesture. He then accompanied me to the bus stop near my home. It seemed that he had also mustered the courage to tell me that he liked me. I then understood why he had acted so intimately towards me. As he was my colleague, I didn't want to tell him right away that I didn't like him. I said I would go home and think about it.

Subsequently, I determined that I did not have any romantic feelings for him, so I firmly rejected him. I am aware that he was very disappointed, but if I kept procrastinating, it would not be beneficial for either of us. It would delay his ability to find a suitable long-term partner, and it would also prevent me from finding a compatible partner.

Subsequently, I encountered my future husband, who subsequently encountered his future wife. We are both thriving.

It is important to respect your feelings and not refrain from saying no just because you like the person. If you do not like them, you will eventually leave them, which will cause them distress. This is not a positive outcome for you.

3. If you also have feelings for him, you must make your own decision and accept responsibility for it.

If you also have feelings for him, the situation will be more complex. Based on your description, he does not appear to be responsible in the relationship. He has a girlfriend, but he also interacts with other women and provides you with hotel room receipts. This indicates that he hopes you will accept him as he is. If you are willing to remain in the relationship despite his actions, it raises the question of how much freedom he will have. Additionally, why does he feel the need to engage in an affair with someone outside the relationship?

This is because his needs are not being met in his relationship with his girlfriend, and the specific nature of those needs is unclear. We must investigate further to ascertain whether we can ensure that he can meet his needs in your relationship.

If not, will he pursue it in an external relationship? In that case, are you prepared to accept it?

Additionally, if you are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with him, it would be beneficial to identify the qualities that you find appealing in him. What specific needs does he fulfill that you find attractive? It is important to recognize that these qualities are not exclusive to him, and there are other individuals who can also demonstrate responsibility and meet your desired needs. Attaining a relationship with a partner who can fulfill these needs is a key aspect of your personal happiness.

These views may be influenced by my personal experience. When my husband and I were together, I placed the greatest value on his sense of responsibility. Based on my observations, if a man is not responsible, it is challenging to maintain an intimate relationship. Furthermore, as the relationship progresses, the commitment and responsibility of both parties become increasingly important. Without these qualities, it is difficult to sustain a long-lasting relationship.

The aforementioned are merely my personal experiences and suggestions. Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. In any case, I hope you can take good care of yourself and be happy. Best regards,

It may be helpful to consider that, in your heart, you always think of this boy as your brother.

It seems that the intention of the guy is to arouse your jealousy and stir up your emotions by showing his intimacy with other girls.

In your interactions with the boy, there seems to be a tendency to act in a passive or listless manner.

It seems that the boy is uncertain about your feelings for him, which may be why he is hesitant to declare his love directly. By introducing another person, he is perhaps trying to see how you will react.

1. It seems as though the guy might enjoy playing a sort of game with relationships.

It seems that he has had a girlfriend for about a year, but he often sends me screenshots of his chats with other girls. Today is Valentine's Day, and he sent screenshots of him going out with other girls tonight.

From what we can ascertain, it would seem that this boy is in a relationship.

It is not clear how his relationship with his girlfriend is going.

It seems that he is maintaining an ambiguous relationship with other girls in addition to his girlfriend.

It's possible that he sent you the screenshot because he trusts you and, as you mentioned, considers you a brother.

It's also possible that he's interested in including you in his circle of close relationships.

It's possible that guys like this kind of relationship with multiple contenders.

2. By asking knowingly, you can confirm your feelings for him.

On our last drinking excursion together, despite his awareness of my friend's misunderstanding, he still invited me to join him. Our close proximity and subsequent conversation seemed a bit unusual, so he inquired about my reasons for being there. It became evident that it was my friend who had encouraged us to sit together. His hand continued to grip mine under the table. We had consumed a fair amount of alcohol, and when the evening drew to a close, he escorted me to my friend's residence. I'm uncertain as to why I agreed to go. Then he offered me his jacket to wear. I accepted and he repeatedly inquired about my reasons for wearing his jacket directly and pinched my ears. I had previously mentioned that my ears were sensitive. Upon arriving at my friend's residence, they engaged in conversation while I slept. My friend had to leave for a brief period due to an unanticipated matter, and he even touched my shoulder strap. I reciprocated. Then he repeatedly checked my phone and asked for my password. It was possible that it was simply a password he had been given, but I did not respond. When it was time for us to leave, he pushed me against the wall and asked me a series of questions, but I remained silent. When I regained consciousness later, he did not offer to take me home, so I simply stated that I could return on my own and departed. He did call me later, but I did not answer.

In this passage, we see that even friends can perceive there to be an element of ambiguity in your relationship, although you appear to be adopting a somewhat passive and indifferent stance.

Throughout the interaction, the gentleman in question was acting in a proactive manner, although he may have been hesitant to express this directly.

It seems that he is attempting to encourage you to express your feelings first.

It seems that he does have a girlfriend. It's not clear whether he likes her more, likes you more, or has a better impression of other girls. In any case, he is not sure how you feel about him.

He was able to discern that you were not rejecting him.

If you allow it, he will come closer and closer.

3. It would be helpful to take a step back and see the relationship clearly, and to set some boundaries.

I must admit that I'm a little confused. I had always assumed that he only confided in me about his relationships with other girls because he saw me as his brother. However, there were instances when his actions were quite intimate, and he did take the initiative to talk to me.

His behavior towards you seems to be more than what you consider "brotherly," and it could be perceived as the intimacy between lovers.

It would be helpful to understand whether this intimacy is genuine or if there might be an element of gamesmanship at play.

It would be best for everyone involved if he were to break up with his girlfriend and keep his distance from other girls.

If you also have feelings for him, it would be helpful to let him know that you would like to be honest with each other if you are to be together.

While this kind of rivalry may show affection, it may not be the kind of relationship you want.

Such a relationship could potentially have negative consequences for you and other girls.

Perhaps it would be helpful to make it clear to him that you just see him as a brother and to maintain some distance between you. This way, he won't get the wrong idea and think you're interested in her too.

I hope these answers are helpful to you.

I am Yan Guilai, a psychological counselor, and I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a happy Valentine's Day.