Frequently caught in a dilemma, should I retaliate after being cursed?

If I might suggest, perhaps a hug for the host would be appropriate in this situation. I'm not sure what the circumstances are, but if there is "recognized bullying behavior," it might be helpful to resist it.

Try to be a good person, but don't be someone who is weak and without temper. The owner of the building does something particularly well, and will analyze his own reasoning and feelings:

"My initial response is anger, and my second reaction is to try to control it because I want to appear to be a person of restraint in the eyes of others."

"Emotionally, I regret that I didn't respond in a more assertive manner at the time. If only I had spoken up then."

I think it's worth noting that this is quite remarkable.

Perhaps we could discuss the emotion of anger, which can have a positive meaning. It can protect you when you are being maliciously attacked and make you stronger.

Anger can be an effective tool for persuading those who are inconspicuous to cease their disruptive behavior. It can also imbue one with a sense of empowerment.

Have you ever considered that when you lose your temper, you may feel a sense of empowerment and strength? This could be seen as one positive aspect of anger.

It would be beneficial to learn how to use this strength to protect yourself from malicious disturbances.

If I may, I would like to discuss two irrational thoughts.

1. It is not characteristic of good people to lose their temper.

2. It may be helpful to consider that there might be something about you that attracts others to bully you.

We have been taught to be good people, but it is not necessarily inconsistent with being good to lose our temper. There are many good people around us, including our parents, and they can lose their temper too.

Anger is an instinctive emotion. In the movie A Clockwork Orange, a psychologist conducted an experiment to deprive the protagonist of his anger, which led him to believe that he no longer had the ability to do evil. Ultimately, however, this only resulted in greater suffering for him.

It is important to recognize that emotions cannot be denied. When we deliberately deny our emotions, it can ultimately make us seem inhumane. Human nature is such that we have the capacity to make free choices. In many cases, we choose to be kind, but when we feel violated or in danger, we need anger and strength to protect ourselves from harm.

At the same time, it would be helpful to avoid falling into the "victim mentality." It's possible that the host has been surrounded by a lot of complaints, which might make it seem like this is how they are.

"Could it be that I'm not good enough that I suffer from this?"

You can choose to say goodbye to these thoughts today. How might you get rid of them?

Perhaps the first step is to accept your own imperfections.

Everyone has both strengths and weaknesses. It may be helpful for the host to gradually shift his focus to his strengths and make the most of them.

As you strive to become a better version of yourself, you may find that some anger is unnecessary and that those childish and ridiculous attitudes will naturally fall away.

Secondly, it may be helpful to consider paying more attention to your own needs and intentions.

When you start to pay attention to your own needs, know your goals, and be clear about the intentions behind your choices, you may find that other people's thoughts and opinions no longer affect you as much.

It is often said that we should love ourselves more, but perhaps what is really meant is that we should satisfy our own needs. As human beings, we have limited attention spans. When we start paying attention to our own inner feelings, expectations, and intentions, we may find that we worry less about what others think of us.

It would be beneficial to establish positive self-evaluation and to empower yourself from time to time.

The host is still very sensitive to his own feelings and is adept at discerning between reason and emotion. He is also highly skilled at articulating his own challenges with remarkable precision.

You have a strong and keen sense of awareness that could be beneficial to apply in your studies and work to enhance your creativity and imagination.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to let go of the past, since it is not something we can change. Instead, we could focus on facing and praising the present self, and on feeling that we can achieve our goals.

I hope the host will be able to take a break from feeling depleted emotionally and will be able to connect with a stronger, more resilient aspect of themselves. I wish them the best of luck!

Hello!

I'm a heart exploration coach, and I believe learning is the body's greatest treasure.

From what you've told me, I can see you're going through a lot.

I'm not going to get into the nitty-gritty of your interpersonal relationship issues here, but I'd like to offer three pieces of advice for your consideration:

First of all, I hope you can understand that it is normal to think about what others say and do, but you should not dwell on it.

In other words, when you have an unpleasant encounter with someone, it's important to reflect on it moderately and not to habitually think that it's always your fault. Being too harsh on yourself doesn't help anyone.

It's also important to remember that if you keep blaming yourself and thinking that everything is your fault, you'll attract bullies. We tend to teach others how to treat us.

Think about it. If we blame ourselves for everything, others will think they're right to blame us too. Even if we're not at fault, they'll still think it's our fault. But it's not. The other person must also be at fault sometimes, because nobody's perfect.

Second, I hope you understand that it's normal to stick to your principles and want to be a good person. But it's not healthy to become a powerless "good old person," because that's also hurting yourself.

It's natural to want to be seen as a good person by others because we all crave approval. But it's wrong to become a "good old person" without principles or a stand and let others bully you.

You've also come to see that your pent-up anger makes you really uneasy.

It's important to remember that while it's wrong to bully others, it's also our responsibility to stand up for ourselves when we're being bullied.

I'd like to suggest that you learn to communicate in a "firm but non-hostile" manner. This is a way to protect yourself and a way to set boundaries.

"Resolute without hostility" means, "I disagree with your argument, I did not do what you said, I am firm in my stance, but I am not hostile." This way of communicating is completely different from the other person's way of expressing themselves, which is to swear and argue.

This approach is about having the courage to speak up for yourself, to protect yourself, to speak your mind, and to be yourself.

If someone insults you again, you can say something like, "I just heard you say something very hurtful. I hope you can be more careful about your attitude and choice of words. I won't allow you to insult me again. I hope you can become a more well-mannered person."

When you calmly argue back like this, you're not just expressing your anger, you're also showing the other person that you're not someone to mess with.

We have to embrace our aggressiveness. This doesn't mean being aggressive in the traditional sense, like swearing or fighting. It's about having the courage to set boundaries and empower yourself.

I hope this helps. If you want to chat some more, just click on "Find a coach to interpret – online conversation" at the bottom and I'll be in touch.

Hello, landlord! I really hope my answer can be helpful to you.

I can totally relate to this! I've struggled with this too. When someone scolds or attacks you, it's natural to react the way you do. First, you feel angry, and then you try to suppress it. But what I learned is that the anger doesn't just disappear. It stays with you, lurking in your subconscious. Sometimes, it even manifests in your dreams! You might find yourself shouting at the person who scolded you, just like they did to you.

Later on, I took a moment to think about why I was feeling so angry.

I've come to realize that my anger often stems from a deep desire to be recognized by others. However, when I don't get that recognition, it can feel like a rejection of me. This makes me wonder: why do I crave recognition so much? I think it's because I don't recognize myself enough. I lack inner affirmation, so I look outside for it. But, as I've learned, the outside world can't give us the kind of stable recognition we truly need. We can only turn inward, learn to affirm ourselves, and form a stable, harmonious inner world. When we do this, we won't crave recognition from others as much and we'll naturally feel less afraid of their scolding.

And you know, it makes me wonder, why do others scold us? Is it really related to ourselves?

I think it's also important to remember that sometimes it's just his own emotions and has nothing to do with us.

Sometimes, a person will scold others because he has a lot of emotions that he cannot vent. So, when he encounters an environment that he feels safe in, he will let it all out. It's like some parents who have suppressed too many emotions at work, and then go home and scold their children. In fact, the children haven't done anything wrong; they just need an outlet for their emotions.

Some folks have this attitude not just with one person, but with everyone. His natural temperament type is choleric, so he is particularly prone to being irritable and angry. He will shout at others when something goes wrong, and that's just the way he is. It is actually very difficult to change a person's temperament type.

Sometimes, the reason a person scolds you is because your behavior doesn't quite meet his expectations. But are his standards and expectations always right? This is only looking at it from his perspective, and what he thinks is right. But from your perspective, or from another perspective, it may not be the best choice.

However, if he always expects others to meet his standards and gets upset when they don't, it's important to recognize that this is his pattern of behavior. It might be challenging for us to change it, but we can try to understand it better.

Oh, dear, what can we do?

It's so important to recognize our own needs when we're feeling angry and to think about how we can meet those needs in a way that's right for us.

We can try to understand why the other person swears, to distinguish between other people's emotions and our own, and not to take on other people's emotions and responsibilities. It's okay if we don't know how to do that!

We can learn to handle other people's comments in a healthy way by building up our inner strength, self-confidence, and sense of security. When we feel uncomfortable, it's important to express our true feelings and thoughts in a gentle but firm way so that the other person knows what we need and what we're expecting. The other person may not necessarily change, but if we choose to express ourselves rather than repress our feelings, we'll feel much more relaxed.

If there's something from the past that you just can't let go of and you don't know how to reach the person involved, don't worry! You can use the empty chair technique to release your pent-up anger. It's really simple: in a safe space, set an empty chair and pretend that the person you want to talk to is sitting in it. You can say anything to her, be it anger or abuse, just say whatever you want. After a few releases, you can also relieve your pent-up emotions.

Another great way to express yourself is by writing. Just let your feelings and thoughts flow onto paper. Don't worry about the neatness of your handwriting or the logic of your content. Just let it all out! This can help you release and relieve your emotions.

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!

The questioner has raised a good question. We all face internal conflicts during our growth process. Some people have good ways to resolve these conflicts. Others, like the questioner, use repressive strategies and develop self-attack or self-deprecation. This does not help resolve the conflict. It also makes them doubt themselves. I will use psychoanalytic dynamics to answer the questioner's question.

1. Anger has a source. We can express it so it doesn't develop into serious symptoms like OCD, anxiety, or depression. There are two ways to express it:

External: The question mentions "calling back," but we advocate healthier ways of expressing yourself, such as exercising, playing games, sleeping, talking to friends, keeping a diary, etc.

Attacks on oneself, such as self-negation, attacks, and dislike.

2. How did the questioner's current internal conflict start?

The questioner seems to have a very strict "superego." They must be the "good person" in other people's eyes. I don't know what kind of family the questioner grew up in or why they set such high standards for themselves. What is the significance of this? It's possible that the parents set these standards or that the parents passed this strategy down to the questioner. There must be a reason behind this, and the questioner needs to clarify it so that we can better understand the source.

If you have unreasonable expectations of yourself or a very strict "superego," you won't be able to form a good self. This is a very strong conflict!

The questioner is suppressing his anger, which will be expressed in other ways or as illness. He is not without anger or emotions, nor can he accept being treated this way. He is extremely conflicted about this setting and doesn't like this side of himself.

The questioner doesn't have a good way to cope. This can lead to self-attack and self-negation. The questioner may believe that they deserve bad treatment.

The questioner cares too much about what others think. Everything seems to revolve around maintaining a good image.

This is an unreasonable expectation because we can't control other people's brains or how they see the world. Their views depend on their values and ideas of right and wrong.

3. What should I do next?

1) "Drain" before "repair":

First, give anger a reasonable outlet.

Then focus on yourself, your needs, and your strengths. Balance your superego and ego. Find a professional teacher on the platform to help you.

2) Identify your own "unreasonable" expectations, correct them with a professional, and create a good survival strategy.

When you have unreasonable expectations, think about them. You can't control what other people think.

Greetings, question asker.

It is evident that you experience a range of intense emotions, including anger and depression, in response to negative feedback from others. Additionally, you tend to ruminate on these emotions, leading to feelings of sadness, distress, and self-blame.

Indeed, you have identified a key factor underlying this phenomenon: since childhood, you have aspired to be perceived as a virtuous individual by others.

What motivates the desire to be perceived as a morally upright individual by others?

First and foremost, this is what we have been taught.

The foundation of this form of education should be the promotion of social harmony. It is not desirable for individuals to prioritize their own interests at the expense of causing harm to others. However, over time, people tend to focus on maintaining a positive image and may neglect their personal feelings and needs.

Consequently, when our interests are infringed upon or we are treated unjustly, we are disinclined to advocate for ourselves.

The second reason is that an adequate and comprehensive understanding of the self has yet to be established.

As a result of our inability to accurately comprehend our own identities, we tend to rely on external evaluations to ascertain our self-worth. In doing so, we often internalize these external perceptions as a reflection of our intrinsic value. Consequently, we place a significant emphasis on the opinions and judgments of others.

In order to address these issues, it would be beneficial to focus on the following areas:

Firstly, it is important to accept one's anger and not suppress it.

Upon encountering a negative remark from another individual, it is common to experience a surge of anger. This emotional response is a natural and universal phenomenon, serving as a form of self-defense. Every emotion has a distinct function. Anger alerts us to potential threats and motivates us to take action. It is an assertive emotion that can be quite powerful.

Secondly, it is imperative to respect and care for one's own feelings.

It is an inherent human response to experience anger and distress when subjected to criticism or mistreatment. It is therefore important not to be overly self-critical in such instances.

One should not engage in a retaliatory response, not because of any perceived weakness, but rather due to a lack of understanding of how to effectively interact with the individual in question. Additionally, it is important not to be overly critical of oneself in this regard.

Thirdly, it is important to align one's actions with one's personal moral standards rather than attempting to conform to the expectations of others.

The standard of a good person is not a universal concept; it is relative to the individual. If we expect everyone to think we are a good person, we may ultimately fail to meet this expectation, which could result in a sense of disappointment and exhaustion.

It is essential to gradually develop one's own value system in the context of interpersonal relationships. It is not necessary for everyone to perceive one as inherently good.

Fourthly, it is advisable to attempt to articulate one's thoughts and feelings.

It is not advisable to simply allow one's anger to manifest outwardly. It is not necessary to reciprocate another's actions in a similar manner, nor is it acceptable to endure pain silently.

Should the other person be amenable to reason, it is possible to express one's feelings and demand to be treated with respect. However, if the other person is merely engaged in argumentative discourse, a haughty gaze and a contemptuous "hmm" are sufficient.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I extend my utmost affection to the world at large.

Hello, dear questioner!

You have asked a fantastic question!

Let's explore how we can respond better when we are being scolded!

Suppressing anger may make us seem more tolerant and maintain the image of a good person in the eyes of others, which is a great thing!

On the other hand, you feel that it may be more comfortable to argue back, which is a great idea!

When unpleasant things happen, you are used to attributing them to yourself. And that's okay! We all have our own unique way of processing the world around us.

I'd absolutely love to go through it with you and I really hope it's enlightening!

1. It's a great idea to try to understand your own anger, and also understand the anger of others!

When we encounter conflict, we often accuse the other person, and it's so important to recognize that!

When we're faced with these accusations, especially if they're the result of bullying, it's only natural to feel angry and think the other person is crazy.

In fact, there's a whole world of possibilities behind every angry outburst!

It's incredible how, no matter how childish and ridiculous the behavior is, when someone yells at us, they actually want us to satisfy them!

For example, imagine if we could understand him, support him, or even just want to connect with him!

When these needs are not met, they often manifest themselves as accusations and name-calling. But there's a better way!

And guess what? We are angry for the same reason!

We want others to treat us kindly and talk things over instead of shouting abuse at each other!

This is our need, and that is why we get angry. And it's okay to get angry!

When we know that the anger behind our anger is all about unmet needs, we can let it out! We don't have to suppress our anger, but we can vent it instead.

2. Go ahead and express yourself!

Absolutely! It's totally okay to curse back after being cursed at!

Guess what? I had the same problem as you!

I always thought it would be incredible to curse back!

But then I tried it, and it was incredible! Sometimes it felt amazing, and sometimes it didn't turn out as I'd hoped, but that's life!

Absolutely!

Absolutely! You can definitely try to find a way that makes you feel more comfortable.

For example, try expressing and accepting in a gentle way.

For example, when I am scolded, do I feel rejected?

Oh, does he have a point?

Oh, what is he hoping to achieve? Or is he just poorly educated and unable to communicate properly?

If it's someone you have to deal with a lot, why not wait until they're not in the mood to communicate? It'll be worth it!

...

Ask more questions, learn to take responsibility for your emotions, and you'll be amazed at how you can no longer simply suppress your anger, but understand the other person and yourself through it!

3. Learn to be more objective and flexible in the face of it — it's a great way to improve your life!

There are three exciting dimensions to consider when attributing responsibility for a situation: the self, the situation, and others.

You say, "When something unpleasant happens, I'm used to thinking it's my fault," but that's not the whole story!

And the best part is, we get to consider all three of these aspects!

And just as our anger towards different people may be dealt with in completely different ways,

A stranger we meet on the street may swear at someone else because of the crowd. It could be that they have a lot of pent-up anger and have nowhere to vent it, so they take it out on a stranger. But we can just ignore them!

For the classmates, colleagues, friends, etc. in our lives, we get to interact with them often. If we are scolded by such a person, we can try to see what they really want by scolding.

Oh, the possibilities! Is the other person trying to get attention, make a demand on us, or something else?

The great news is that we can choose how to respond. If someone says something we don't like, we have the power to either argue back or wait until they calm down and communicate with them again.

You've got to remember that it's not your own problem that attracts others to bully you.

And there's more! You can also learn to defend your own boundaries and rights.

If you're interested, you've got to check out the book Understanding Anger!

Guess what! We can all be angry, and anger is totally allowed!

But here's the thing: hurting others out of anger is not allowed!

Guess what? The question of whether "others will think I'm particularly unreasonable, inconsiderate, and narrow-minded" is actually what we are thinking inside!

It's so important to remember that how we see ourselves is more important than what others think!

Please, just share these!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, I'm Du Xi.

I can see you're upset. It's normal to feel this way.

I would do the same. Many people have similar experiences. Let's talk about how we can make life better.

I always wanted to be a good person.

You want to be liked and hope to gain favor with others. You may think you're "appeasing" them, but you're really just trying to get their approval.

If you don't get what you want, you will feel unhappy. You think you need to do what other people want to gain recognition.

Everyone has their own value. If you improve your abilities and become valuable to others, you will gain their respect and recognition. Trying to please others blindly will only result in being ignored and underestimated.

If you suppress your emotions, you'll become irritable, suspicious, and self-blaming.

"When I was scolded, I was angry. I tried to hide it."

You think the other person is insulting you. But is it really an insult, or is it just an argument?

If someone is talking and the other person gets angry, you need to learn to communicate and calm emotions. Finding a solution is key.

If someone insults you, it's better to express your emotions than to lose your temper. This lets the other person know you're angry and that you don't accept their behavior.

Tell the other person your limit.

Yelling back doesn't help. It damages your relationship and doesn't make you feel better.

Your self-esteem will still be hurt, and you will still not be respected.

When something bad happens, I blame myself.

When something happens, you avoid it and blame yourself. You don't express your true thoughts, and your actions and thoughts are not in line. This wastes energy, and over time, you will fall into self-denial and criticism.

You want to be brave, but you are also worried. You can do it, but you don't know what will happen.

You avoid the problem because you're afraid of the unknown consequences. If you don't solve it, it will keep coming back.

Find something you want to do that will make you feel good. For example, keep up with your fitness routine or learn a new skill.

Use these to find self-confidence.

Say "no," express your feelings, tell others your limits, and stand up for yourself. Don't express emotions, and know why you're speaking.

Pay attention to your negative emotions. Do you get emotional when someone says or does something to you? What do you really feel about the other person?

What makes you emotional? Is what you think the other person is thinking true?

Or did you make that up?

These questions will help you understand your emotions and solve the problem.

Hello, dear questioner!

I'm so happy to chat with you about self-growth and self-awareness! Your sense of self begins with external validation and self-evaluation. When your self-awareness, internal needs, and positive external feedback align, our brain produces a dopamine-like substance that gives us a sense of pleasure.

Let's say you've always wanted to be a good person in the eyes of others since you were a child. Then, your words and actions will naturally align with the image you've set for yourself.

It's totally normal to feel self-blame when your thoughts and actions don't match the image you have set for yourself. We all do it! When you attribute a situation internally, you might feel like you haven't done well or that there's something wrong with you. This can lead to feeling like all the bad things that happen to you are your fault.

Bullying is a great example of this.

It's totally normal to feel angry when someone insults you. We all feel this way sometimes!

At this point, your inner voice is gently guiding you to be a person with restraint in the eyes of others. If you suppress your anger, it might cause problems over time, but you can work through this together.

It's so important to remember that just as a counselor needs to be supervised by a supervising counselor during the counseling process, counselors also need supervision to deal with negative emotions. The same goes for you! Your emotions also need psychological counseling.

In particular, when you express regret for not arguing back, it shows that your personality is becoming more complete and your sense of boundaries is gradually clearer. It's okay to argue back when dealing with others' bottomless insults.

You ask, "If I respond in kind, will others see me as someone who is particularly unreasonable, inconsiderate, and narrow-minded, and will I often get caught up in such dilemmas?" Don't worry, this is totally normal! The reason you are caught up in such dilemmas is that, on the one hand, you need to vent your emotions, and on the other, the good person image you have created for yourself will collapse in the eyes of others, and the image you have always cultivated will appear to be inconsistent.

It's a way of releasing emotions and dealing with conflicting beliefs. It's a kind of internal conflict between the id and the superego.

People grow and change as they get older. When you know your own mind and know your own limits, it's easy to stand up for yourself. It's a sign of a well-developed personality to be able to do that. And it's a sign of maturity not to judge people as good or bad.

I really hope these discussions are helpful to you!

Hi, I'm Chu Mingdeng, and I just wanted to say that I love you, world!

Hello, dear! I'm Susu Zi Tong!

Let's talk about your demands!

From your description, I can see your anxiety, anger, depression, confusion, and pain.

Your code of conduct tells you that you want to be a good person, and that's great! But when a good person is bullied, it can make you anxious about whether or not to return it.

When you are scolded, you are filled with anger, and you are torn between whether to return it or not.

When something unpleasant happens, you always take the blame. You habitually suppress the resentment welling up inside you, even though a raging fire is already burning in your heart.

You are in pain. In your world, everyone is supposed to be polite, but why do you have to face all kinds of arguments and try to return things, but it doesn't fit your logic? Well, it's time for a change!

Teacher Zi Tong saw something truly remarkable: a conflict-ridden, suppressed, forbearing, angry, but habitually polite individual with a smile on their face.

You are a wonderful person!

Since childhood, you have always striven to be a good person in the eyes of others and to ignore insults. You encourage yourself to be tolerant, have good manners, and be polite, even if others bark at you like vicious dogs.

You have followed the standards for being a good person since you were a child. You mind others seeing you as unreasonable and narrow-minded. You use your suppression and forbearance to create a mask of a good person for yourself, but in fact your heart is tired! But you know what? You are a good person! And you are worthy of love and respect!

Listen to the cry in your heart!

Your heart is tired, it's full of anger, and it's about to explode. When someone yells at you, a little voice inside you tells you to yell back, to fight back, but then another little voice tells you that you're a good person, that you're a good person. You want to yell back, you want to fight back, but your standards of being a good person restrict you. The anger building up inside you is burning, but then you turn away expressionlessly.

You are devastated, and you scream silently in your heart: "Fuck it, good guy!"

Let's conquer your self-reproach!

When you face bullying, when you are cursed at by others, when you face bullies, your retreat and forbearance all become weakness in the eyes of others. You hate yourself, you feel it is all your fault, that you are to blame. You are just the kind of person who attracts bullies. But guess what? You are also the kind of person who can overcome them! In your heart, there is always a voice that says, "Good people get bullied." And you know what? That voice is wrong! You are not weak. You are strong. You are a survivor. You can do this!

Being a good person is not the same as being weak.

My dear, being a good person is not the same as being weak. Being a good person is not the same as offering the other person your right cheek when they hit you on the left. That's a saint!

It is difficult for us mortals to do so. But we can do it! Even if we continue to adhere to the standards of so-called good people, in the end, we will become so annoyed and depressed that we cannot control our emotions. But we can control them! And then, we will explode, with a power strong enough to destroy the world.

Oh, the intrigue of family speculation!

Teacher Zi Tong doesn't know what your family environment was like when you were a child, but I suspect that your parents were both gentle and kind people. They were not good with words and were careful to maintain good relationships with their neighbors and colleagues. They felt that they were weak and powerless, and were afraid to speak loudly for fear of disturbing others and getting themselves into trouble. So they told you from an early age to be cultivated, to have good character, and to swallow your anger and be a good person. And so you obeyed, is that right?

So, what makes a good person?

It's not easy to pinpoint exactly what it takes to be a good person, but I firmly believe that setting boundaries is essential. When you need to speak up, don't be afraid to stand up for yourself. When you encounter bullying, speak up for yourself. And when you're offended by others, speak up!

Being a good person is not the same as being weak. Our attitude towards the world should be gentle but firm—and we can do it!

Teacher Zi Tong's approach to problems is truly inspiring!

If someone doesn't offend me, I won't offend them. If someone does offend me, I will fight back. But fighting back doesn't mean violence. If the other person offends me, I will communicate with them. Communication doesn't have to be harsh. Here, the teacher recommends a book to you: "Nonviolent Communication." It's a great read!

The amazing you in Teacher Zi Tong's eyes!

You are so patient, kind, cultivated, and have such good qualities! You would be very gentle and refined in life if you were a boy. My dear, stop attacking yourself. Be kind to the world and to yourself. You are not a victim-prone person. There is nothing wrong with you. You just made the world gentle and kind to others, and then angered yourself.

From this moment on, I hope you'll add one more item to the criteria for being a good person: love yourself and treat yourself well! And please, don't be harsh on the you who has always been strictly required to meet the standards of a good person.

On the Yi Xinli platform, the world and I both love you!

Hello, my name is Liu Qian, and I'm a national second-level psychological counselor and a listener on the Yi Xinli platform.

I respectfully disagree with other teachers who think this is a very good question. Of course, I'm not saying that this question is bad. What I mean is that you can't evaluate a question simply as good or bad. Besides, it is very likely that the answer will depend on the perspective of the person asking the question.

I think your real concern should be the last few sentences. It's totally normal to feel like there must be something wrong with you that attracts these behaviors.

I think this is the main point we should discuss, my friend.

Let's take a closer look at your description:

It's totally normal to feel angry in this situation.

The second thing you can do is try to suppress it.

I really do think that both of your reactions are totally reasonable and normal.

If you are just angry, it will definitely be accompanied by aggressive behavior. I totally get it! What you fear will happen is that others will mistake you for someone as lacking in quality as the attacker. Isn't there a saying that if you don't argue with a fool, people won't know who the fool is? This should be the case.

Of course, if there is no anger, but just a sense of grievance and repression, then it is conceivable that the psychological trauma will also be very serious. So the appropriate emotion of anger is like a protective mechanism for our body, like the airbag in a car, which will help to reduce the psychological damage to a certain extent.

It's totally normal to have these two reactions. We've all been there! At the time, you probably should have just scolded him for whatever it was...

I recently learned a phrase that I think you'll find useful when dealing with this kind of situation. If you're at a loss for words and can't think of the right thing to say to respond to someone the next time you encounter this kind of conflict, there's a catch-all phrase you can use: "It's normal for you to feel this way!" (Just be sure to use a relaxed, nonchalant tone and expression).

Finally, let's take a look at why you often feel like you're not good enough to attract these bullying behaviors.

This may involve some personal issues. First of all, it's totally normal to have a little inferiority complex and deeply disapprove of yourself. I think it may be related to your experiences as a child. Many parents taught us from an early age to be obedient and not get into trouble, which can leave a mark on us.

Even if you've been wronged outside, your parents will scold you when you get home. They'll ask you questions like, "If you don't provoke him, will he hit you?"

Oh, why doesn't he bully someone?

The way you act on the outside might be humble and cautious, or even flattering. This can make people think it's okay to disagree with you, which is totally understandable!

If you believe in psychological reconstruction, you can find a counselor who matches your personality and embark on a long-term journey of psychological growth. You can also heal yourself by reading relevant books.

Adler has a wonderful book called "Inferiority and Transcendence" that I think you'll really enjoy. He believes that everyone has different levels of inferiority, and I think you'll find his ideas really interesting!

I know this is a tough problem to face, and I'm here to support you in any way I can. I'm not a miracle worker, but I'm rooting for you!

Good day, my name is Yi Ya Shu, a Heart Exploration coach, and I would be delighted to assist you in navigating your current challenges.

From your description, I can appreciate the challenges you're facing and the frustration you're experiencing. It's understandable that you're angry and resentful at the childish and offensive remarks made by others, and you want to respond in a similar manner.

However, upon reflection, another crucial voice emerges, stating, "I aspire to be a person with restraint in the eyes of others."

When this voice appears, the urge to argue back is suppressed. I believe this pattern has caused you significant distress, as it disrupts your ability to express your true emotions and feelings, preventing you from fully experiencing and expressing your anger. This suppressed anger can lead to further distress and a sense of powerlessness.

To resolve this issue, it is essential to examine the initial trigger for this pattern. In many cases, the formation of patterns is influenced by experiences encountered during our formative years. As we mature, we tend to forget these experiences, but the emotions and patterns associated with them can resurface and impact our lives.

It would be beneficial to examine some of our past experiences.

To illustrate, I will cite my own experience. I have identified this pattern in myself, which is why I have chosen to present this Q&A to you today. I observed that your description also triggered this pattern in me. I am also someone who, when attacked, is unable to attack back first. My mind will consider the matter at length. I will ask myself, if I curse back, will I not be seen as a person with restraint? Will I not be called narrow-minded and uncultured by others?

This pattern has been a significant challenge for me for an extended period, and while it has not yet been fully resolved, my efforts to understand its origins have provided valuable insights that can help us address it more effectively.

I investigated the origins of this pattern in me due to the environment I was exposed to at an early age, including the original family and relatives and neighbors in my vicinity. They exhibited a tendency to morally kidnap, which refers to the practice of initiating actions based on their own feelings and interests while simultaneously influencing my feelings and interests.

When such incidents occur with regularity, they leave a profound imprint on an individual's psyche, becoming internalized. When attempting to release one's aggression, this voice will often emerge, impeding the expression of aggression and dissatisfaction.

I believe you may have had similar experiences in the past as I did. This is why an unknown voice keeps interfering with you when you want to express aggression.

If possible, I would encourage you to examine past events, identify them, and address any residual emotions. With a newfound understanding of these individuals and occurrences, you can implement a change. I have navigated this challenge successfully, and I am writing this to assist you in addressing a similar issue.

Hello, question asker!

When I saw the title of your question, whether or not to fight back when you've been scolded, I immediately said to myself, "Yes, you must fight back!" First, you have to make yourself feel better. Why should you put up with being scolded? Of course, there is some projection on my part, and it's not just because of this question.

I think this is a great question! Many people have the same doubts, and it's totally normal. We all encounter arguments and scoldings at home, at work, or even on the street. It's something we all experience, but how we deal with it is different for everyone.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're the one being scolded. I can see how you'd feel angry after being scolded and want to scold back. It's totally understandable! We all want to be good people with good character, so we suppress our anger and don't say anything. But afterwards, you regret it and feel bad.

From what you've told me, it seems like you're really aware of your own emotions. It's clear that suppressing your anger isn't going to help. It'll just turn into other feelings, like regret. If you keep suppressing it, it'll only build up and eventually explode. And when it does, it might not just be regret.

It's also possible that holding in your emotions could make you sick. Some psychosomatic illnesses are related to unspeakable emotions.

It's so important to let your emotions out when you feel them.

I'm really curious to know why you're afraid to fight back when you're scolded. There could be a number of reasons, and I'd love to hear them!

1. Fear of incurring greater punishment or retaliation

2. They feel like they can't argue back and are afraid of suffering more losses.

3. We all have our moments when we feel like we're useless and like we can't curse.

There are also some great techniques for how to argue back, such as:

Let's give him a run for his money! Speak up, speak loudly, and speak with conviction.

It's so important to stand on your own side and not let the other person sway you.

Don't worry, just argue back! It doesn't matter if you're right or wrong, good or bad, just argue back!

It's okay to argue back! It's not about winning or losing, but about establishing boundaries and showing the other person that you have boundaries and a bottom line. You have the right to say no, and you're not a pushover.

If someone crosses the line you've set, they'll think twice before they try to provoke you again. They'll know better than to mess with you, and they'll back off. This boundary is there to protect you, and it's there to help you feel safe and secure.

You know, the key to not being afraid to argue is to overcome yourself and allow yourself to argue.

It's a direct and intense form of communication. Sometimes after a quarrel, the two sides communicate with each other to clear up any misunderstandings, which helps to strengthen the relationship.

Let's have a little friendly debate! It's actually really good for you.