Hello! I'm listening.
I can sense that you might have an inferiority complex about having no money and spending your parents' money. It's totally understandable! The emotion of deeply knowing that the family has no money and blaming yourself for spending their money proves that you are a kind and opinionated child who knows how to overcome your desire to consume.
Children who know how to delay gratification are not like those who squander money even though they know their family is poor, or children who borrow money to spend it or ruin themselves in order to satisfy their desires even though their family is poor. You are a self-disciplined child who knows how hard it is for your parents to earn money.
But why is such a good child caught in the obsession of self-blame, guilt, and unworthiness of having nice things? Our meeting here is a wonderful opportunity. I really hope we can explore together what is really going on.
It's so easy to feel down on yourself when you're comparing yourself to others. But remember, they are they, and you are you.
I can see you've been forcing yourself to compare yourself with people from well-off families who went to university after you. It's so hard to save money when you're in that situation. But why not compare yourself with yourself? You couldn't save money before, but now you can. Isn't that a good start?
So, poor family conditions are a real thing. How you see it is up to you.
2. It's not your parents' fault, and it's not your fault either.
You mentioned that you're someone who is sensitive about money, and I can understand why. I'm sure your family's financial situation has been a challenge for you.
This is your perception. It seems like your parents have given you everything they could. Your father is the rock of the family and a great example of traditional Chinese masculinity. And your mother is also very generous and kind, and will be particularly generous in spending.
This can sometimes result in a lack of money and a desire to sell practical items to save money. If you don't feel any remorse for your parents, you might find yourself without any guilt either.
3. You know, the penny-pinching mentality is a form of wealth.
Your family has been through so many tough times, and counting every penny has helped you get through them all. It's a valuable skill, and it's something your parents taught you. They made sure you had the chance to go to school and university.
You learn that this is a skill. You think it's useful, so you inherited this characteristic from your parents and have carried it forward.
4. You can, you can, and you can!
You should be able to see that this is one of your options, and that it has helped you get through difficult times before. We can also see that you have another option. When you feel overwhelmed by the thought of being poor, just take a moment to pause and think. Were you really as poor as you were before? Is there another option for me?
Take a deep breath and let the bullet fly for a while. There's no need to rush. We can try to let the bullet fly for a while.
Take your time to feel whatever you need to feel. You'll know what to do when you're ready.


Comments
I can totally relate to feeling the pressure of managing finances, especially coming from a family with limited means. It's hard to shake off that mindset even when things start to get better. I think acknowledging your progress is important; you've made it to university and are still saving, which is huge. Maybe focusing on a balanced approach could help, where you allow yourself some small luxuries without guilt.
Growing up in a similar environment, I understand the fear of poverty and the drive to save every penny. It sounds like your parents instilled strong values in you. Perhaps finding a way to honor those values while also allowing yourself to enjoy life a little more could be a step forward. You could set aside a small amount for personal treats, reminding yourself that it's okay to spend sometimes.
It's tough when you see others who don't have the same financial constraints. The desire to catch up or compensate is natural but can be exhausting. Maybe try to reframe your mindset around spending. Instead of seeing it as a negative, think about how spending wisely on things that truly matter to you can enhance your wellbeing and happiness.
Your feelings of pain and lack of worthiness when spending are valid, but they don't have to define you. Consider speaking to a counselor or therapist who can help you work through these emotions. Sometimes just talking about it can make a big difference. They might offer strategies to help you feel more comfortable with spending and saving.
The guilt you feel can be overwhelming, but it's important to remember that you're not alone in this. Many people struggle with similar issues. Joining a support group or community of individuals who share your experiences could provide comfort and practical advice. Sharing your story and hearing others' might give you new perspectives on handling money and selfworth.