From a child to adulthood, my mother's emotions have been rather unstable, often venting her feelings.

Hello, from what you've said, it's clear that your family of origin was pretty challenging. Your parents were angry and irritable, living in a poor family environment but unable to do anything about it, and it seems like you suffered a lot as a result.

It's not like you're having a major fight or anything, but your mom's reaction is so over the top that it makes people roll their eyes. It seems like she's struggling to express her feelings in a positive way. She's unable to release her negative emotions, and they just build up, eventually causing her to lose control.

You say your mother has always been like this, but I guess she's never told you her true feelings. In that case, it's also difficult for you to understand her deeply.

All these years, you've been at a loss as to why you're angry with each other, happy, or sad.

It's a shame that a mother and daughter who have been together for over twenty years haven't really connected.

You also said that you're not good at expressing yourself when you're unhappy and that you have a lot on your mind. Don't worry, there is actually a way to do this, and it's very simple: you just need to learn how to express your feelings in a positive way.

This is a skill, and learning a skill is like a child learning to walk. You can never learn it without falling down. So be prepared, don't be afraid of scaring people away, don't be afraid of getting hurt, and don't be afraid of pain. Growing up is a process of self-improvement, and it hurts.

You can start by finding someone you trust enough to express yourself to without fear of being hurt. For example, your boyfriend. You could say something like, "My work isn't going well, and I feel aggrieved. I want to talk about it. Can you comfort me?"

"I could really use a hug and some understanding and support right now."

Once you've had a chance to practice, you can look for the right moment to talk to your mother. You could say something like, "Mom, I'm sad when I see you lose your temper. I love you, and it hurts me to see you unhappy. I want to understand why you're unhappy. We're family, and I want to talk to you about my feelings."

Now, it's time to take the first step. It doesn't matter if what you say is positive or negative. Just be brave and break through your own barriers, and you'll discover a whole new world.

I think your parents have been so grumpy lately because they're worried about your impending marriage. They don't want you to get married or leave home, but they don't know how to express their love and reluctance, so they're just feeling really negative.

You've grown up and started a family, which means they're getting older and will be separated from you, which they might be afraid of.

The questioner, in fact, our happiness is in our own hands. I suggest you read more to improve your cognitive and communication skills. I recommend the books "Crucial Conversations," "When You Start Loving Yourself, Everyone Else Will Too," and "Feeling Love." Learn to open your heart. Family problems can only be solved with love. Learning to express love is a prerequisite for happiness.

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

I extend a gesture of physical affection in the hope that my response will provide you with assistance and encouragement.

Your romantic partner is unwell, and you wish to provide assistance. However, your mother is firmly opposed to this course of action.

Furthermore, the subject in question has been observed to abruptly terminate the interaction by abruptly closing the door and departing the premises, taking with them the three items of value. While the surface indication is that the subject is angry, a more nuanced interpretation suggests that the underlying motivation may be rooted in a desire to spare their mother fatigue.

You provided solace to your father and assisted in managing your mother's emotional state. However, this raises the question: What is the underlying issue?

Despite your youth, you have assumed the role of a maternal figure for your parents. This transition has been challenging for you.

You demonstrate a capacity for love and care towards those in your immediate vicinity, yet you appear to lack a similar capacity for self-love.

Throughout the process, no wrongdoing was committed. Instead, the individual provided comfort to their mother, attempting to calm her. However, who provided care for the individual? After years of suppression, the individual took on the burden of managing the emotions of others, while neglecting their own. The individual suppressed their own emotions, causing them to experience significant distress.

This pattern is perpetuated, and there is no opportunity to express one's thoughts in a timely manner when colleagues engage in inappropriate behavior. There is no outlet for such expressions at home.

In the workplace, there is a tendency to suppress one's emotional responses, often driven by a fear of causing distress to others. However, this avoidance behavior ultimately leads to self-harm.

It can be argued that parents who have not received appropriate care and attention during their own childhoods may be unable to provide the same level of care and support to their own children. This raises the question of whether such parents are truly capable of loving their children unconditionally.

In the family of origin, the mother displays a profound capacity for love and a desire for the daughter to love herself and reciprocate that love.

You provided care for your romantic partner while simultaneously neglecting your mother. Furthermore, your father struck your mother in an attempt to address your emotional distress.

The mother feels aggrieved, treating her child in this manner without the support of her husband or the understanding of her daughter. Communication within the family is entirely ineffective. For a considerable length of time, the relationship has been severed, with emotions expressed through words alone.

Given the persistent nature of the hurtful interactions, it is evident that adjustments must be made.

In the original family, both parents were children who were not treated properly. They have a plethora of unresolved emotions, and in their interactions as a couple, they lack mutual understanding. They are unable to see each other's perspectives, and they even inflict harm upon each other.

Despite their affection for their children, these parents lack the ability to love in a healthy manner. Instead, they direct their emotions toward others, often causing significant distress to those closest to them. Ultimately, this results in harm to the individuals they hold most dear.

Despite the inherent challenges of cohabitation,

Furthermore, during their formative years, children often become accustomed to the discordant dynamics between their parents. This can result in feelings of neglect, particularly if the child is unable to discern a clear and stable parental figure.

The experience of growing up in an environment where parents engage in frequent and intense conflict can lead to the development of a belief that one is inherently inadequate and undeserving of love and acceptance.

One may hope that one's parents will cease their discord and fear that they will depart. As a result, one may suppress one's inner feelings.

From an early age, one is not a child, but rather a parent to one's parents. An inner lack causes one to consistently prioritize the needs of others.

There are numerous unmet needs within, and emotional repression is a particularly painful experience.

It is time to return to one's authentic self as a child.

It is imperative to embrace a rebellious spirit and reclaim the innocence of childhood. Only you have the power to influence the course of your parents' lives.

It is not possible to change another person; only the individual can effect change. Each person has their own mission in life, and parents have been together for a considerable length of time.

There is a rationale behind the decision to refrain from separation. As a child, the sole viable course of action is to bestow blessings upon one's parents and reclaim one's childlike identity.

It is possible to adopt a more assertive stance and express one's needs in a forthright manner. At the same time, it is important to ensure that one's own needs are met.

One must cease living for the benefit of others and instead learn to assert one's needs and embrace one's true self.

I hope my answer can be of some help to you.

I am saddened and hurt to read your account and realize that you have been living in such an environment since childhood. I wish I could give you a warm hug.

In light of your question, I would like to offer some suggestions that I hope will be helpful to you.

First of all, I feel that the atmosphere in the family of origin could be improved. Your family is kind, but there are some areas where I feel there may be room for improvement in the way you express yourselves to each other.

It's possible that your mother may not want you to take care of your boyfriend or spend a lot of time with him. However, it seems that she may be expressing her thoughts in a way that is not always constructive. Your father also has a different perspective on your mother's approach, but he may be more inclined to express his thoughts in a more forceful manner.

In a family like yours, it can be challenging to please everyone and learn to express your emotions. This can lead to a vicious cycle where the family is not as effective at expressing themselves when things happen, which can cause a lot of conflict.

Secondly, at work, you are very considerate of others and their feelings, which can sometimes affect your emotions.

I hope you will find these suggestions helpful in this situation:

Firstly, it would be beneficial to learn to express emotions and use words to express your feelings, rather than just putting up with it all and often hurting yourself every day.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to learn to love yourself and accept objective reality. The way your parents interact and the way your mother expresses herself may not be something that can be changed quickly. While you are working on improving yourself, you could perhaps consider teaching your mother how to express her emotions in a more constructive manner.

Thirdly, it would be beneficial to learn to love and respect yourself, and to try not to let external events affect your emotions.

For this reason, it would be beneficial for you to continue developing your self-awareness. You have the option of seeking the guidance of a counselor to address challenges more effectively, or you can explore further reading on the subject of psychology.

It would be wise to consider that if you don't take care of yourself, it might be challenging to handle the demands of married life.

I wish you the best of luck. The world is a wonderful place, and I care about you.

The parents' quarrel in the message, especially the mother's lack of understanding of your need to take care of your sick boyfriend and even her loss of temper, makes you think of the behavior patterns they have adopted since you were a child. As a child, you had to comfort your mother instead, bless her heart!

This pattern of family interaction also affects the way you get along with your colleagues at work. They can sense your anxiety, grievances, powerlessness, and helplessness, and it can be tough for them to know how to help.

I really hope these words can give you some comfort and inspiration!

It's time to take a step back from the parent-child relationship. This will help you both find your own identities as parents and children.

You and your mom are facing an important transition: learning to separate and individualize. It's clear that your mom isn't quite there yet, but that's okay!

Taking care of her boyfriend became the trigger for her hysteria, which in turn triggered her father's emotional outburst. It became your responsibility to comfort your mother, and all of the emotions were focused on you, so it was inevitable that you would become overwhelmed. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

It's so important to point out the father's violent ways towards the mother. And it's clear that the separation from the parents is a long-term but necessary process.

It's totally normal for this process to be difficult, especially since you've been getting along with your mom for so long. But you are the new generation, and you have the power to change the family pattern!

It's totally normal for your mom to react strongly when you say "no" to her gently but firmly or communicate with her as an adult. It's a sign that there's a pattern to change, and your mom might be uncertain and fearful about the new pattern.

If you can, try to show your mom that she'll get more out of the new model than she did the old one. For example, she'll be able to communicate better with you and your family will be more harmonious. This will make it easier for her to see why she should cooperate with the changes.

2. It's so important to remember that we can't please everyone, but we can try! Re-perceive our emotions, practice more mature expressions in front of the mirror, and transfer them to work and home.

I feel so frustrated, uncomfortable, and unhappy, but I just can't find the words to express how I'm feeling.

We also feel hidden by a long-term backlog, so it's important to practice!

You can look up dictionaries that specialize in expressing emotions. For example, there is a book called "Mood Dictionary" that has hundreds of words to describe emotions. This is a great way to gradually enrich our perceptions! Then, we can practice in front of the mirror what we want to convey to others, starting with our families and then expanding to work.

3. Try something new! Start with a small step. When you're ready, take the next step.

We all worry about being liked and not being isolated. It's only natural!

Fear can make us act more cautiously, and that's okay! It's a way of protecting ourselves.

If we can just take a little bit of time to tolerate the fear, we can take a small step forward. For example, if a colleague makes an unreasonable request (asking you to do work that is not your responsibility), you can say no firmly but politely, while making it clear that you are not targeting the colleague personally, but that this is where your responsibilities end. You can also offer to help the colleague out of a friendly spirit, as long as you have the time.

We can't please everyone, but we can protect ourselves by making sure we don't let others violate our boundaries recklessly. And we can do that with kindness and principles! That way, we'll win the favor and respect of most people.

Warmest regards!

Warmest regards!

Hello, question asker. It's great to meet you!

I will listen to your story carefully and feel your troubled emotions. I will help you understand that both your emotional life and your workplace interactions have experienced setbacks, and I will help you feel empowered to take control.

I will help you discover the possibility of adjustment and change by sorting out your words.

1. Taking care of your sick boyfriend became the trigger for family conflicts, mirroring the nagging father and emotionally unstable mother who fought all the time when you were very young and continued to do so until you became an adult.

As a young person, you have witnessed countless arguments between your parents. This has resulted in the accumulation of significant emotional repression and psychological trauma. In every situation, whether it was your fault or not, you felt the need to take control and regulate the situation to appease your parents. As a result, you have paid the price for their unhappy marriage and emotional outbursts.

You must also be the "parent" of your child, which requires you to be calm and patient to stabilize the situation. This drains you of too much energy. Your home is no longer a safe haven you can rely on, which makes you tired of and lose confidence in human interactions.

2. You have a hard time expressing your emotions in a positive and constructive way at work because your parents didn't set a good example. The new workplace environment also makes it harder for you to form supportive relationships. So you protect yourself by closing yourself off and isolating yourself.

You will focus on the self-competition of "whether your colleagues will be the crying children who get the milk."

I really feel for you.

I empathize with you, but if you want to improve your situation, you need to take action.

1. Get help from a professional counselor.

A counselor can help you understand the impact of the trauma caused by your family of origin. Trauma is an important driving force in everyone's growth process. If left unresolved, it can become an obstacle to our growth.

If we understand it clearly, it will push us in a positive direction.

2. Reconcile with your parents with the help of a counselor.

Parents have the most lasting influence on their children. All past hurts stem from the love and limitations of parents. No parents are perfect.

If you can communicate effectively with the help of a counselor to express your feelings and expectations for them, you should reconcile with them as an adult who is responsible for yourself. If you can't, you need to learn to separate from them psychologically and maintain a clear boundary between you and them.

You will need a lot of time to achieve this goal.

3. Learn to care for yourself and enhance your sense of self-identity.

Everyone can learn to care for themselves and enhance their sense of self-identity. This ability can be trained later in life and is called the ability to "self-care."

I highly recommend the self-help book Mindfulness Self-Care. It contains highly practical training methods that will definitely help you.

Gaining recognition and support from others is a great way to enhance your sense of self-identity. However, the most important thing is still your own sense of inner approval and qualification. In the workplace, you don't need to deliberately please anyone. What you need most is to be nice to yourself and use a sincere attitude to make worthwhile colleagues and friends.

I am confident that the above sharing will be of some help to you.

I believe in you! The world is your oyster. Good luck!

Hello, and thank you so much for visiting! I can really feel the oppression you feel at home and the dissatisfaction you feel at work, all pent up inside, with nowhere to go.

Let's start with your family, shall we?

As you mentioned, your parents started arguing when you were just a little one. It's so important for parents to set a good example for their kids, and it seems like they could have done a better job of that.

The way you were raised by your parents, their own emotional coping strategies, and the way they got along with each other—we see it all and it stays with us.

It's so easy to imitate their different patterns. If you don't make an effort to learn, grow and change through your own efforts, you might find yourself living in the shadow of your parents.

I can see that this argument is about you having to take care of your boyfriend, but I think the root of the problem is still about your parents' relationship and how they get along.

You're an adult who has learned to psychologically separate from your parents and your original family. You have your own life and your own patterns, which require you to grow through your own efforts.

Let's take a look at you at work, shall we?

"How others treat you is how you teach them."

We've looked at how your family has influenced you. Once a person's pattern is formed, it will be brought into work, study, and life.

As you said, "A crying child gets sugar." The workplace is different from home in that you need to speak for yourself in many situations, and your leader cannot see everything.

You're a new employee, and there are lots of rules in the workplace that you'll get to know as you go along.

Keep an open mind and respond with a calm heart. You've got this! Find your own greater value and sense of accomplishment from your work.

You are your own best friend, so remember that you can always count on yourself!

Human patterns can be changed! First, you just need to maintain a sense of awareness, as you have already realized, of the pattern of getting along with your mother, and also at work.

Seeing is the first step to making a change. Keep an eye on things, make a conscious effort to change, and become the best version of yourself. You're young and have so many opportunities ahead of you!

I really hope this is helpful for you!

Hello, question asker!

I was intrigued by your title and description! It seems like you're looking for a way to express your emotions more freely in your life and work. You're seeking a solution, which is great!

Absolutely! We can find answers to these questions together.

Absolutely! A person's ability to recognize emotions and respond to them is indeed related to the environment in which they were raised, and more importantly, to the interactions with their significant caregivers.

Let's dive right in and go through your situation together!

⭕️ "My father is the kind of person who likes to nag and find fault. He's always looking for ways to improve, and he's passionate about making sure everything is done right. He's a bit of a perfectionist!"

Your description made me think of how we can all benefit from recognizing the value in doing good, even when it's not immediately appreciated. It's inspiring to see how you've taken the initiative to help others, even if it's not always easy to receive gratitude. I'm sure the people you've helped appreciate your efforts, even if they don't always show it. Your father's personality might have influenced you, but it's also an opportunity to learn and grow. We can all choose to be more positive and grateful, even when things don't go as planned. It's a chance to develop resilience and a positive outlook.

I'd love to know if your dad's personality has influenced you! How does it affect your daily life as a family of three?

I'm really excited to hear what kind of results it produced!

⭕️"We had another lively debate today! It all started when I told my mom that my boyfriend was sick and I had to take care of him. She said she'd been gone for a week, and I told her that if you were sick, we didn't isolate you.

She seemed even angrier, and I didn't realize it at the time, so I just wanted to go out. She suddenly became agitated, said that if you go out, don't come home, threw the three golds given to her by her boyfriend out of the door, and started to throw her phone. Dad didn't know what was going on and also lost control of his emotions, accidentally slapping his mother twice.

"

Wow, things are really heating up! Is this kind of situation the norm in your lives?

I'm so excited to learn more about your relationship with your parents! I don't know if your boyfriend was approved by your parents before. How is the relationship between you and your parents?

I'd love to know more about how he is when he is sick. Is it serious?

Are you the only one taking care of her?

I'd love to hear more about how you took care of your mother when she was sick before! And did your boyfriend visit your sick mother?

I'd love to hear more about your relationship with your mother! How was it normally? And how was it after you got a boyfriend?

Oh, I'd love to know more about how things were going before the quarrel! Did your mother say she was going away for a week and coming back because her boyfriend's illness required isolation or because she felt you were going to abandon her?

Or did she not approve of your boyfriend in the first place? Or was it because today is the Mid-Autumn Festival reunion day, and she was really hoping you could spend the Mid-Autumn Festival with them?

From your description, it seems that both your mother and father are easily agitated, but it is not very clear how it happened. It seems that your father is very angry with your mother's behavior, which is really interesting!

❓I'm so curious! How did your father react when you told him you were going to take care of your sick boyfriend?

"I immediately kicked Dad out and told him to calm down. Mum locked herself in the bedroom.

I feel so helpless, but I've become a bit numb. They've been fighting since they were little, and now I've grown up. Every time I have to go comfort my mother, no one cares about how I feel. But guess what? I'm going to change that!

♦️It seems that this situation is the norm in your family. You have always been the one to call a halt to the fighting, and you are also the grown-up who suppresses your feelings to make your mother happy! You have been putting yourself last, but you are so strong! Let me give you a hug, I hope it can bring you some support and comfort. It's not easy, my child, but you can do it!

Do you remember when you first became numb?

⭕️"Now in my daily life and at work, I have just started a new job. I'm excited to see what this new chapter brings! While I may not be as active as some of my colleagues, I'm confident that I'm making valuable contributions. I'm learning to navigate the challenges of a new role, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to grow and develop professionally. I'm also curious to see how this experience shapes my personal growth. Is it true that only crying children get candy?"

❓How does this situation affect you? ☺️ Less income?

Or...

Oh, you know what? Sometimes it is true that only children who cry get candy, but I don't believe it is absolute. Do you know the story of the boy who cried wolf? The boy who kept shouting wolf was eventually eaten by the wolf!

I think that at work, it is a great idea to show yourself when necessary, but it needs to be based on a certain level of strength and results. So I suggest that you first get down to the task at hand! The results of one's work are not necessarily measured by the amount of work, so go for it!

Have absolute faith in yourself and the company's management system!

⭕️ "I really feel wronged, uncomfortable, and unable to express my feelings. I'm afraid of making others unhappy. Maybe this is the way I get along with my mother. I'm afraid that if she doesn't like me, I'll be isolated. What should I do?"

Yes, I totally get it! I'm here for you, and I'm sending you another big hug! Maybe these habits or patterns have something to do with how you got along with your mother, but now that you're grown up, you don't just face your mother anymore. You also get to face other people, and that's a great thing!

You can start right now by learning to recognize your emotions and feelings and expressing them in an appropriate way or with the right words. You can also talk to close friends and family members, or seek professional help and counseling when your emotions become unbearable, so that you can let off steam in a timely manner.

It's also a great idea to learn the basics of emotional management and help mom and dad identify their emotions.

As for the state of the parents, it's possible they've been treated like this since they were young and they don't know how to express their emotions. That's something you can help them with! Try to understand their upbringing and environment and try to understand them! When they quarrel again, you try to express your feelings to them, withdraw from the scene of their quarrel, and don't be the one to call a stop. See how they end it!

I remember a teacher saying something really interesting! They said that when children no longer care about or intervene in their parents' quarrels, maybe they will stop quarreling!

Give it a try! ?Happy Mid-Autumn Festival!

Hello, questioner! I'm Tianxin.

Your father is always finding fault with everything, which means he's probably not very successful in his career. Your mother, who is a big woman who talks about family matters every day, must also feel bad about it, enduring a lot of grievances and pressure. Your mother threw out the three gold gifts from your boyfriend, which was also an extreme act. Your father hit your mother again. It's really true that if you don't come from the same family, you won't get along.

There are two kinds of people who are both terrible, living terrible lives. I imagine that such an environment for growing up must have left a big psychological shadow on you. It seems that your parents did not do their job well, and they did not have the ability to communicate and control their emotions.

☘️[Set an example] If your parents aren't the best role models, you can still be a good parent yourself. Spend time with your kids and set a good example for them to look up to.

[Start a family early] Parents are relatives we can't choose and can't break away from, but we can set up our own little family and break away from this negative family environment. Set a mirror for your parents, run your own little family well, and show them that family members can talk nicely to each other and things can be resolved peacefully.

Lovers are there to be protected or cared for.

A home is a place of love, not logic.

[Be good to yourself] Love yourself and be happy. Be like the sunflower: have hope in life. Even if things never change, keep going strong.

When you can approach them with an open mind, manage your anger, and stop trying to forcefully change people, that will be your true heart's desire.

When you can face them with an open mind, control your anger, and stop trying to forcefully change people, that will be your true heart's desire.

Take care of yourself, but do good things for others and don't be a hero.

And finally, I wish you all the best!

Good day. I would like to present my perspective on your inquiry.

Firstly, your question indicates that you are responsible for the wellbeing of your boyfriend. Following your mother's assertion, you engaged in a dispute with her, which caused her to become angry. This is a typical response. Mothers do not appreciate being compared to other individuals by their children, as they recognise their children's importance. Consequently, mothers believe they are the most significant individuals in their children's lives.

Your unconscious remarks provoked a strong reaction from your mother, resulting in a temporary loss of emotional control. Your subsequent actions further irritated your mother, leading to a further deterioration in her emotional state.

At this juncture, it is evident that no wrongdoing has been perpetrated. You possess your own thoughts, which is commendable. However, when navigating relationships, it is imperative to ascertain whether your mother's emotions are currently misaligned or if she harbors any misconceptions about your boyfriend. When confronted with parental conflicts during childhood, it is crucial to exercise restraint to prevent the escalation of significant disputes.

Secondly, the question alludes to the personality of the father, which may be a contributing factor to the incident in which he struck his spouse. It is evident that the father's actions were driven by a specific motive.

The term "motivation" is used to describe the collective processes that direct and maintain physiological and psychological activity. These processes cause organisms to tend towards certain stimuli and activities.

Motivation is derived from both internal and external sources. In this case, the internal source is the character of the father, while the external source is the potential for negative emotions to manifest as a result of recent challenges or conflicts experienced by the father or the parents. These unresolved emotions may find an outlet when an opportunity arises.

Thirdly, it is evident that the stress you are currently experiencing has resulted in a certain degree of difficulty in regulating your emotions. It is therefore crucial to maintain focus and to acknowledge the presence of those who care about you. Perception of this support may be limited, but it is nevertheless a tangible reality.

The analysis is now complete. I would like to present my suggestions for consideration.

(1) With regard to the difficulties experienced by your parents, it would be advisable to initiate a dialogue with your father, inquiring as to whether he has encountered any challenges recently or whether his mood has been affected by external factors.

With regard to your mother, it would be advisable to arrange a meeting with her to discuss the reasons behind her emotional outburst. You should then present your own views on the matter and finally, together, you should consider how to resolve the issue in a way that prioritises the wellbeing of the wider family. It is important to recognise that the family is a collective entity, and that internal conflicts can have a significant impact on the wider family dynamic. Therefore, it is essential to address and resolve such conflicts in order to prevent any major issues from arising.

If the issue is related to your boyfriend, it may be beneficial to involve him in the discussion and seek guidance from your mother. It is likely that, after a constructive conversation, you will find a resolution and a sense of resolution. It is important to recognize that parents inherently love their children and are often willing to provide guidance and support.

(2) With regard to one's own stress-related issues, it is important to recognize that stress is a universal experience. If one is experiencing significant distress due to stress, it may be beneficial to engage in a brief period of solitude, allow oneself to experience the discomfort, and then engage in a thoughtful reflection on the events of the day, identify potential solutions, and then proceed to sleep, allowing for continued forward movement towards the future the following day. Alternatively, one may consider meditation as a means of calming the mind and alleviating physical tension.

This is what is often referred to as the relaxation response, which involves the induction of a state wherein muscle tension, cortical excitability, heart rate, and blood pressure are reduced. This state is conducive to the recovery from stress. However, there are a few conditions that must be met in order to achieve this state of relaxation: (1) a quiet environment, (2) closed eyes, (3) a comfortable posture, and (4) repeated mental stimulation. For example, one might mentally repeat phrases like "everything will be fine."

It is my sincere hope that I have been of assistance to you. I wish you a life filled with happiness, a loving family, and a bright future.

Hello!

Hello!

Your description shows you are confused and distressed by your family situation.

There are two possibilities.

Your mother is emotionally unstable and impulsive.

Is your mother childish?

Did she never take care of you? Was it always your dad?

If she has never taken care of you, this is a personality flaw. If this is the case, you need to be more proactive and handle your interactions with your mother more wisely.

Understand your mother as you would a child.

Your mother doesn't want you to leave her. She said she'd be gone for a week and then come back, but you should understand that this doesn't mean what it seems.

In the future, think more when you want to listen. The older generation often expresses themselves in the opposite way. They also express themselves in an implicit way.

Your mother's childish personality can also make your father feel hard done by because he has to take care of two people at the same time. This will make him feel like nagging after all his hard work. He is shouldering the responsibilities of two adults at the same time, so you should be more understanding of your father.

Another possibility is your daughter leaving home to start a family.

Some parents get anxious when their kids leave home. They feel lost and scared about the future.

If you don't know what to do and there are small problems at home, you feel very unstable.

First, understand your parents' feelings of losing you. Then, separate from them subtly and slowly. For example, if you're going to take care of your boyfriend, tell them you'll go for a day or two. Then, contact them in advance on the last day to say your boyfriend isn't feeling well and you need to stay a few more days. At the same time, tell your parents you're worried and ask them to hang in there. Tell them you'll come back as soon as you can.

Express yourself. After your parents accept the change in plans, spend more time taking care of your boyfriend.

If you feel like you're taking over your mom's role, let her become independent. When you have problems, talk to your boyfriend or friends.

Good luck!

Hello, question asker!

From your question, it's clear you're living in an unstable environment where your parents argue loudly. They've been doing so since you were little, and it's continued until now. It's been really hard for the past 20 years. You've got this!

We can't choose our parents, but we can choose how we act and react to them. This is our home, and we have the right to be here. Mum is emotionally unstable, and Dad likes to nag and find fault. Their personalities have been built up over the years, and their patterns of getting along have also become fixed. You have also found a pattern of getting along among them over the years, and you are always playing the role of persuading Mum. You are afraid that Mum will be unhappy, but you have to stop worrying about her emotions all the time and start taking care of yourself. You have to stop making her happy. This has been your mood over the years, so when you see that Mum is unhappy and needs you to comfort her, you feel more and more that you can't stand it. Hug you again!

I have a question. You said your father likes to nag and find fault with things. I saw what you said above, and I didn't expect him to hit your mother. From the time you were little until now, I think it's fair to say that your father shouldn't have done that. This was the first time he hit your mother, right? Surely this can be considered domestic violence?

Your mother's emotions cannot be stable in this environment. She is suffering too.

I don't know if your mother was like this as a child or if she only became like this after marrying your father.

You were able to leave despite your father's anger. Your father told him to calm down, which shows that he loves you. Did he hit you? You say that your mother has a negative influence on you. Your father doesn't seem to have that effect. You say that your father does good things, but I don't think what you've described here – your father hitting your mother – can really be considered a good thing.

Persuade your father to be more tolerant of your mother.

Your mother's behavior today was because you suggested going to take care of your boyfriend. I may be more traditional, and I think this way from your mother's perspective. Today is the Mid-Autumn Festival, a day for families to reunite. I don't know what happened today when you spoke to your mother, and I don't know how serious your boyfriend's illness is.

He needs your care.

I know you want to behave well and take care of each other when you're dating, and there's nothing wrong with that. But did you let it slip?

You will have to stay home to take care of her for a few days. If you think this is no big deal, you're wrong. To your mother, this is the Mid-Autumn Festival, and she wants you home. Did you two have a verbal fight at that time? Maybe you think this is just something you always say, but on this Mid-Autumn Festival, it may have offended your mother's bottom line.

Your mother's actions were extreme. She can't control her emotions. I don't know if you two always throw things at each other, but she needs to stop this behaviour.

I believe the best course of action would be to identify the source of the problem and resolve it.

You know this, and you're here to get answers. You've made progress compared to your parents. You can avoid repeating their mistakes. You've thought and acted this way for many years. So, what's next?

First, accept your parents' relationship. They are your father and mother, and they love you. It is your responsibility to pay attention to their emotions and avoid causing conflicts.

Second, if mom and dad argue about household chores, that is their problem, not yours. If you study psychology, you will know that Adler said that life's problems are one's own, other people's, and God's. Your parents' problems are their problems, not yours. You just need to manage yourself well when you are separated in the future.

You don't need to persuade your mother excessively now that you're older. Your parents have been together for so many years; they'll work it out themselves.

Finally, we must address the issues in your work. It is clear that in this new unit, you cannot be the only one working with that colleague. It is evident that this colleague loves to talk and complain. You have surely noticed that others seem to think that he does more than you. Has anyone said that?

You're just thinking it yourself, aren't you? You're overthinking it.

You're being oversensitive. If I were in your situation, I'd say the more talkative person doesn't do much.

You two are not doing the same thing. Focus on your own work and don't worry about this colleague who complains too much. Don't pay attention to what others say about you and her. Just do your own thing.

Stop overthinking it. It's exhausting.

Focus on yourself in the future and don't worry about others, including your parents and colleagues. It'll make things simpler. Focus on yourself first. Don't even worry about your boyfriend's illness. He's a young guy who can take care of himself, not to mention his parents. Have you thought about it?

If you keep taking such good care of him now that you're not married, and if you don't watch out in the future, your differences will come to the surface. So I think that while it's fine to say hello to each other, you should do less of the practical things. This is not at all to provoke a rift between you two.

Anyway, love yourself more in the future! Become a rich person inside!

Hello!

You sound helpless and unhappy. I want to hug you.

A quick look at the problem

Your emotions have always been ignored, but you've taken care of others' emotions since you were young. Neither of your parents controls their emotions, so you're caught in the middle.

2. At work, colleagues complain a lot and there is a lot of negativity. You seem to have an easier time at work. The questioner may feel that their hard work and dedication is not being seen, which is why they feel troubled.

What can be done?

Set boundaries.

Parents are parents, and you are you. You can't control your parents' emotions, but you can do your best.

You've been trying hard to deal with your parents' conflicts. It's not your fault.

2. Get away from your family and your old self.

You say you don't want to upset others. This is understandable. Since we can't take care of ourselves, we have to make our caregivers happy to ensure we have food and drink.

You're an adult now. You can take responsibility for your actions and don't need to depend on others to survive.

Compare yourself to the child you were. See where you have grown. Find your own strength and boost your self-confidence.

3. Learn to express your emotions.

Back to work, does the child who cries get candy?

Leaders care about work results. People who complain are negative. Leaders don't value them. The questioner and complainers are extremes. You don't express emotions much. They exaggerate them.

When you learn to express emotions appropriately, you'll feel better. Talk to people you trust about your feelings. It can help.

Best wishes!

Dear host, How are you?

I'm happy to share this with you.

I'm sorry for you. You've been in an unstable family. A stable family gives you stability and control. Without stability, you have no stability or sense of security.

Your family makes you feel like you don't matter and you can't be happy. This has caused you a lot of emotional and mental problems. It seems like there's no way out.

The answerer wants to share a few points with you to help.

➡️1. Take care of yourself first.

Parents have their own ways of getting along. There's no way to solve this. Everyone needs to work hard for their own life.

We need to be happy before we can help others. If we put ourselves last, we will always be hurt.

If your parents can communicate maturely when they're upset, they can avoid hurting others.

They need to realize that hurting others is immature and stop doing it.

Your mother has always been cold and distant. You have no way to hide or heal yourself, which is why you have become passive and introverted.

3. In the workplace, it's true that if you cry, people will help you.

If you want a job, you have to work hard. Companies don't hire people to feel sorry for them.

You need to establish yourself in the workplace. Speak up, put in the effort, and present your work results.

To stay competitive, you need two sets of skills.

The answerer understands your feelings.

I went through a similar stage in my life. The best thing I did was to stop expecting too much from my parents and take responsibility for my life. It may be difficult at first, but if you believe in yourself, good things will happen.

I hope my advice helps! Best of luck!

Hello!

Your description reveals a range of inner feelings, including grievance, worry, discomfort, unhappiness, and a sense of being overwhelmed.

You said that since you were a child, your mother has always been emotionally unstable and has always liked to vent her emotions. Every time you have to comfort her, you feel that no one cares about how you feel. This makes you feel aggrieved, unhappy, and uncomfortable. At work, you are also like this. You are not brave enough to express your true feelings because you are afraid of upsetting others, of being unloved, and of being isolated. You want to know what to do.

I'm going to give you three pieces of advice.

First, you must understand that your current relationships are shaped by your past experiences with your mother.

You are aware of this in your description because you say, "This is probably how I get along with my mother." And it is very likely that this is the case because how we get along with others after we grow up is a reflection of the way we got along with our parents.

This is what we call the profound influence of one's family of origin.

When you understand this, you will change. Awareness of a problem is the first step to change.

Second, you must view your current situation rationally.

You said that because your mother always vented her emotions, you had to comfort her since you were young. This caused your true feelings to be suppressed inside, and you were afraid to express them or get attention. As a result, you feel aggrieved and unhappy, and it has affected your current relationships with others. You need to rationally consider your current situation.

You need to be aware of two things here.

First, you must understand that other people are not your mother.

When you were little, you learned to appease your mother because you were afraid that if she got angry, it would affect the whole family and that she would stop loving and liking you. But now you need to understand that the people around you, whether they are colleagues or others, are not your mother. They are not as threatening as she was. In other words, even if they are unhappy because you have expressed your true thoughts, it will not have the same negative impact on you as it did when you were a child.

Second, you must accept that you are not the child you once were.

You relied on your mother when you were a child, but you are independent now.

Once you realize these two points, you will be able to view your current situation rationally. You will stop worrying so much about expressing your true thoughts and will dare to express them.

I advise you to express your true thoughts and see what happens.

You need to express your true thoughts to find out if your concerns are valid.

Start by communicating with your mother to express your true thoughts.

However, there are two things you must remember when communicating with your mother sincerely:

First, put yourself in her shoes and think about why she got so upset all of a sudden. This will help her "hear" what you are saying.

You said that your mother asked you to come back early because you were taking care of your sick boyfriend. It's possible that she felt you were prioritizing your boyfriend over her. Perhaps she was concerned that you would become tired if you spent too much time taking care of your boyfriend. It's also possible that she was thinking about your marriage and didn't want to let you go, so she used anger to deal with you. Try putting yourself in her shoes. This will help her "hear" what you are saying and also help you communicate better.

Second, start with "I" and avoid "you" at the beginning. "You" makes her feel rejected and accused, which is not conducive to communication.

Tell her, "Mom, I want to have a good chat with you. I know you want what's best for me by telling me to come home early, and I know what I said might have made you angry, but I didn't mean it. I've always caved in to you since I was little, but I want you to know that I'm your daughter and I also need your love and care. Sometimes I feel aggrieved and unhappy with life, and I hope we can get along well."

You will likely see a change in your mother's attitude and an improvement in your relationship after communicating with her in such an honest way.

You gain the power to express your true thoughts and then transfer this experience to other people, so that you can speak your mind.

You might be thinking, "What if my mother still doesn't change after I communicate with her?"

It doesn't matter if she makes changes or not. What matters is that you speak your mind. When you do, you change how you interact with your mother. You also move past the negative influence of your original family.

I am confident that my answer is helpful.

Good morning!

Your mother's emotions were always unstable and out of control. Have you ever considered her upbringing?

And after you got married, how did your father's family treat her? Why did she always lose control, become emotionally unstable, and "go crazy" from time to time?

Have you ever really taken the time to understand what emotions she was expressing, why she couldn't control her emotions, what she really wanted to say, whether she felt there was a problem or whether she was just like that because she couldn't find a better way to deal with things? Now that we've talked about your mother, let's talk about yourself. What problems and troubles have you had growing up in this environment?

Next, take a look at your own accusations and words.

I really felt aggrieved, uncomfortable, and unhappy, but I couldn't express my feelings. I was afraid of upsetting other people, and that might be the way I got along with my mother: afraid of not being liked, and then I would be isolated. What should I do?

Are you feeling aggrieved? Are you uncomfortable?

You didn't express yourself, and you didn't deal with the situation properly. You just knew that your mother was emotionally unstable and easily lost control. I wanted to stay away from her.

How can you possibly deal with problems, communicate effectively, and solve problems? Everyone would feel extremely aggrieved and uncomfortable, right? You are afraid of upsetting other people because your mother was emotionally unstable when you were young and often lost her temper. She was unhappy, so as a young child you were afraid to express what you wanted, and you didn't even dare to speak to your mother.

And it wasn't your fault. It was her unstable emotions, and that had nothing to do with you. So you never dared to express your feelings, but this time you were very brave and told us in the Q&A. You are great and very brave. I applaud you.

It's important to be able to distinguish between what's your problem and what's not. If it's not your problem, it's none of your business and you don't need to worry about it. Just focus on being yourself.

There's a quote in the book Self-Boundaries that says, "To grasp our own 'boundaries' means that we will deal with our own problems and respect her rights. Even if she is attacking me, I will think that this attack is not offensive to me, and that attacking me is her true purpose. The premise of being able to tell right from wrong is to have a sense of boundaries, to distinguish what is my business, and to use a wall to keep things that are not important to me out."

If you're looking to learn more about establishing boundaries, I'd recommend checking out the book "Self-Boundaries." It's a great resource that you can reference as needed.

Give yourself a pat on the back and everything will be fine! I believe in you.