Grew up unnoticed by family, feeling despair and pain, what to do?

Children are loyal in their love for their parents, and every child wants their parents to recognize and praise them. I am here to tell you with certainty that there is no parent in this world who does not love their child.

Their way of showing love is not for you.

Look at your own palm. Some fingers are longer than others. You use the longer fingers more and pay more attention to them.

The shortest little finger is just as important as the others. You can't pay attention to it, but that doesn't mean it's useless. It's there for a reason. You need it.

The truth is, the little finger is essential for the hand's agility and balance.

There's a strange phenomenon: parents feel relaxed and at ease around you, which shows they trust you and feel free to be themselves around you. Parents of the "good" child in the family generally don't scold or hit them as easily.

I'll tell you the truth: your parents love you more than your other sisters.

Don't be fooled by false appearances. Believe in yourself. You are good and excellent. Trees have their value, and grass has its value too. There is no comparison.

Often, loved ones judge you because they want you to get better. We accept them with open wisdom.

Feel the expectation and love behind their words.

The world is full of people and things that love you. Take the sun and the moon, for example.

It nourishes you every day.

Stop worrying. Love yourself. Take back the power that is yours. Be happy. Don't let the outside world affect you.

You are you, and you deserve all the good things in life.

Hello, question asker!

I can see how being ignored by family members since childhood would lead to feelings of desperation and misery.

With that in mind, I've put together a few thoughts for you to think about:

There are probably a number of reasons why you feel overlooked by your parents and have a low sense of self-worth.

For instance, you might not be using the right communication techniques when you speak to other people, which could make them feel impatient or ignored.

If you tend to communicate in the same way with your parents, they may ignore you.

On the other hand, if you lack confidence around your loved ones, it might make you seem weak and vulnerable in the family, which could lead to you being overlooked.

For instance, you mentioned that your father prefers your sister because she's attractive and has a great personality. It's also worth noting that he's been critical of your appearance, saying you're not as attractive as you once were.

If you feel like you could use a boost, find ways to build your confidence so you can have a stronger presence in the family.

It's also important to remember that you were raised in foster care and lived with your aunt for a long time.

If you've been through foster care, you might be more sensitive to change and uncertainty. You'll probably want to focus on feeling secure and stable.

It's also a good idea to be more careful and aware of what you say and do around your loved ones. This will help you understand your attitude towards them better.

If you're looking to change the problem of being easily ignored by parents and having a low sense of presence, we've got a few tips for you.

First of all, it's important to remember that everyone in the family has their own value and importance, regardless of how you feel about your own existence.

If you feel like you're being overlooked in your family, it might be helpful to communicate openly with your parents and relatives to share your feelings and needs. This could help you build a more positive family relationship.

When you're talking to your parents, think about how you're coming across and try to avoid getting into arguments or seeming impatient.

You can choose the right time and place to talk to them in a calm, collected manner to express your thoughts and feelings.

Secondly, building your confidence can help you become more confident and independent, which will give you a stronger sense of presence in the family.

You can do this by evaluating yourself, seeking recognition, and setting goals.

You might also want to think about taking on more family responsibilities, such as doing housework and caring for family members.

This will help you feel more present in your family and also enhance your sense of responsibility and independence.

If you're having trouble with the process of change or need help resolving issues, you can always reach out to a professional counselor for advice and support. They can provide more tailored guidance and assistance.

Most importantly, try not to worry too much or blame yourself.

Everyone has their own growth process and family background, and changing this takes time and patience.

Believe in your abilities and value, face challenges head-on, and know that you can change for the better.

I hope this is helpful for you!

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I hope you are well. I just wanted to say that life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blooming.

I empathize with your feelings of loneliness and frustration, and I understand the longing for the warmth and care of your family. When these needs are not met, it can lead to feelings of doubt and self-denial. I want to offer you a warm embrace as a gesture of support and understanding.

Our understanding of the world is shaped by our personal experiences.

Given your upbringing in a foster home, your father's affection for your sister was perhaps more pronounced than it would have been otherwise. Similarly, your aunt's fondness for your sister may have been expressed in ways that were hurtful to you.

It is possible that these feelings of being unappreciated and often ignored may have caused you some trauma in your growth. It is understandable that you may become very sensitive in similar situations, feeling as though you are not liked, not recognized, and not accepted.

If this continues, it may result in the development of a defense mechanism. When your emotional needs are not met, you may doubt and deny yourself. It's possible that you may feel sure that you are not liked or accepted.

? 2. Every life is precious and has its own unique journey.

Dear child, could you please tell me who in this world you need the most affirmation, appreciation, understanding, acceptance, and recognition from?

If it's not you, then who? If not now, then when might be a good time?

It seems that you are lacking in love and care. Many people in the world have experienced similar situations and found it challenging to understand why they occurred and how to change them.

The knowledge you have gained, the books you have read, and the words you have written have the potential to become a source of warmth and illumination for others, opening up a path of self-growth that can heal both yourself and others.

Many psychology enthusiasts and even counselors began their journey on the path of helping others as a means of self-healing. You have the option of doing the same if you so choose.

While growth may be facilitated by a book, a word from someone else, or an encouraging glance, it is ultimately the affirmation and appreciation of oneself that is most beneficial.

You may find the recommended books, "The Power of Self-Growth," "Lifelong Growth," and "Living the Meaning of Life," to be of interest. May your life be illuminated by love.

I hope these words are helpful to you. I wish you well in all your endeavors.

If you would like to continue the exchange, you are welcome to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

I am inquiring as to whether I am strawberry.

It is notable that there is still a prevalence of suppressive parenting in many families. These parents adhere to the belief that only through suppressive parenting can their children explore their life paths with greater courage and gain a more promising future.

In specific situations, it causes the emergence of long-standing issues.

The Spring Festival is a day of reunion and a time of hope for people who are away from home. Such a festival should be lively and happy, but for the questioner, this Spring Festival was a painful experience. This was due to the fact that psychological "wounds" that he had hidden away were revealed one after the other.

The questioner sustained an injury to his nose as a result of an itch. Upon observing the wound, his father's response was one of indifference. This prompted the questioner to reflect on his own upbringing and perceived his father's demeanor to be one of self-disapproval. Now facing his own injury, the questioner's initial reaction was one of apathy.

From the questioner's perspective, his father's preference for his aunt was influenced by her physical appearance and personality. Despite her apparent engagement in casual conversation, the questioner observed that his father's interactions with her were more frequent and more attentive than those with him.

The impact of inappropriate interpersonal dynamics

In addition to the neglect by his father, the questioner also experienced a lack of attention from his aunt. Despite having lived with relatives since childhood, the aunt was unaware of the questioner's age but was aware of her sister's age. While these circumstances may appear inconsequential, they significantly impacted the questioner's perception of favoritism among adults.

The questioner was raised in the company of relatives. The reason for this arrangement is unclear, but it is evident that the parents in question were derelict in their duties. The questioner lacked intimacy due to having little contact with his father, despite the fact that they are related by blood. The questioner had more frequent contact with his aunt, but he was unable to form a close relationship with her due to her tendency to negatively compare him to his younger self and comment on his appearance.

I empathize with the emotional distress and feelings of inadequacy experienced by the questioner. During the developmental period, due to the lack of affection, I craved it. Relatives and elders in the family favored the children of the uncle and aunt, and treated my family with indifference. I believed that if I were to please them, I would receive the same treatment, but in reality, I was met with similar criticism and became the supporting figure for others.

Select the lifestyle that aligns with your personal goals and aspirations.

It is not within our power to alter the actions or statements of adults who have erred. However, we do have the option of selecting our attitude and conveying it.

It is important to distinguish between the issues at hand. Adults are aware of the impact and harm their actions and words can have on others, yet they have never reflected on it, let alone considered our feelings. This is a mistake on their part, and the mistakes they have made do not need to be borne by us.

It is important to distinguish between issues and responsibilities. Adults may evade their responsibilities and the issues in their lives, and interact with us in a way that is inappropriate and ineffective. They may be irresponsible and neglectful, and unwilling to change themselves. It is helpful to give them back their issues, and not be easily influenced by them.

It is important to be clear about your attitude when dealing with relatives who exert pressure and belittle you. I have found that it is helpful to give them an opportunity to understand the impact and harm they have caused. However, it is essential to recognize that their actions may be driven by expectations that are not aligned with reality. If they are willing to reflect on their behavior, it is less likely that they will cause us harm.

It is important to be clear in your attitude and to limit contact with such relatives. It is not that we do not want to engage with them; it is that their hurtful behavior causes us to withdraw. Regardless of the nature of the relationship, it requires mutual effort. Therefore, in maintaining these relationships, it is not that the questioner is not proactive enough, but it is challenging to maintain them unilaterally.

Healing Yourself: From the questioner's words, I understand that during their growth process, they lacked care and love. They still have expectations when they grow up because we always believe that they will change with time.

If an individual is unaware of their own shortcomings and lacks the motivation and ability to change, they will likely remain in a state of stagnation. The probability of receiving the love and care they lacked during their own development from them is low.

As an alternative to waiting for them to provide what you need, it would be more beneficial to focus on meeting your own needs. This could include learning to be the ideal, qualified parent in your heart, learning to love and care for yourself, slowly healing your wounded heart, and strengthening your mind.

I hope this response is helpful to the questioner. Best regards.

Hello, question asker! It's like seeing you in person after reading your words.

After reading your description, I truly feel your suffering. The Chinese New Year is a custom that allows us to temporarily forget our troubles, but because your family frequently ignores you, you feel very sad. It is really not easy to take the step of coming out onto the platform to release your emotions, because it takes a lot of courage to "face your pain head-on." My dear, you have done it, and I can see a courageous and brave you in between the lines. Well done!

Let's dive right in and talk about the things you mentioned in your description!

You said, "For some reason, during the Chinese New Year, one after the other, the wounds in my heart surfaced. A few days ago, my nose itched, and I scratched it carelessly, causing it to bleed. It hasn't healed yet." - From what you've written, I want to know:

1. I'm excited to hear more about these "few days of the New Year"! How long did they last?

2. I'd love to know exactly what has touched you!

3. So, what was your usual state before you were touched?

4. I'm excited to hear how long this "communication pattern" that the family members are used to has been going on!

I'm excited to share that the above four points are designed to show you something really important. They're intended to demonstrate that behind the feelings of pain, there are usually [unfulfilled expectations] hidden. And the great news is that by seeing what those [unfulfilled expectations] are, we can gain a clear direction in the matter of [self-healing].

Then you said something really interesting! You said, "My father acts like he doesn't see it, but I know that he never liked me since I was little because the sister of a relative is good-looking and has a good personality, and my father prefers her." This made me think:

1. When your father treats you this way, how do you express your inner needs to him?

2. Just imagine for a moment that your father heard your expression. How would he react?

3. What incredible strength is hidden behind your pain?

I've got three things to tell you! First, honey, I feel what you may not have expressed to dad. Second, dad, I really hope you can love me well!

Absolutely! In the description, I didn't see you expressing this to your father, but I totally get it. Your father didn't give you the sense of security you needed, so you made a choice to protect yourself in front of him.

But I want to tell you something important! As an ordinary friend we've just met, I want you to know that you can actually give yourself a sense of security, and it's more reliable.

Do you remember what I said to you at the beginning? I can see a courageous and brave you between the lines!

This is the shining point I truly feel in you!

Your future is yours to define! May it be full of wind, tight, or loose, and may it have clear skies all the way!

And here's another piece of advice: from beginning to end, all we need to do is be the real us!

I hope you are well! I can't wait to see you again soon!

Hello! I'll give you a hug.

I'm glad you asked for help. I hope my advice helps. Your foster care experience has made you feel rejected, unloved, and angry.

Your father and aunt have always been neglectful, indifferent, and unkind to you. This has made you feel unloved and unwanted. What do you think?

Even though you're an adult, you still want more attention, appreciation, care, affirmation, and love from your family, especially your father. This is because you still feel lost and deprived.

Your father was unable to give you what you needed because he was also neglected and rejected. When he didn't recognize this, he brought it to you.

Today, you can express your feelings and needs. Tell him how he hurt you.

You are distressed when faced with your father and aunt's dislike and comparison of you because you have identified with and internalized the way they treat you.

You must understand that you deserve to be treated well. If you are an adult today, you can learn to love yourself and take care of yourself.

Read When You Love Yourself, the World Will Love You Back.

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.

Hello. I understand your sadness. We all have a need to be loved and to form deep emotional connections with others. In childhood, the primary object of this need is parents/caregivers.

The experience of being fostered and neglected since childhood has left deep scars on your heart. When you encounter stimulating situations (such as your father ignoring an unhealed wound on your nose), you will once again experience the loneliness of being denied and even abandoned because of your past wounds being pricked again.

Furthermore, your suffering may also stem from a sense of self-esteem and self-worth being thwarted. The significant difference in the way your elders treat your sister and you makes it clear that they are not completely incapable of showing love to their younger generation, but that they are selective in their love.

It is unacceptable to be treated unequally and not chosen.

If you grow up in an environment lacking love and care, you have to find ways to protect yourself and "survive." This can lead to unsafe physical and mental memories. Even after growing up and becoming independent, you must deal with the suppressed emotions in your heart. Otherwise, you will fall into a state of helplessness.

Your father and aunt's treatment of you is shaped by their upbringing, surroundings, and values. They may have limitations in how they can change, but you can still express your feelings. They have ignored and neglected your needs, but you will listen to your heart and speak up for yourself.

Show your father and aunt you care for yourself by sharing your story and pouring out your heart. If talking to them is difficult, write them a letter you don't send and tell them everything you want to say.

Furthermore, while the influence of the original family is significant, there are other factors that shape our growth and development, including new relationships, new era environments, self-learning, and self-care. It's essential to prioritize these aspects. Despite past shortcomings and deficiencies, you have the power to create a more abundant future for yourself.

I wish you the best!

Hello, I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. It's clear that your family has treated you poorly since childhood. They've neglected and disliked you, which has led to your despair and suffering. In short, your family doesn't value you.

It could be because of different things, like son preference or your parents' not having good family values. But someone who cares about you wouldn't say things to hurt you.

He will treat you like his own family. Your parents may not have had

They were trained in a way that wasn't good for them. They didn't get good love from an early age. Even if you scratched your nose a few days ago and it bled, it was ignored.

The sister in the relative's family is beautiful and has a good personality. You are beautiful and have your own merits. If others don't care about themselves, then we should care about ourselves. We need to treat ourselves with love and respect.

Here's a test on trauma in the original family. Take it to see how to resolve your family trauma. It'll give you a general idea of what you've experienced.

Not everyone can have a better original family. We can't choose our original family, but we can choose how to feel and deal with it. Even if our parents are imperfect, we won't demand too much from them.

You're growing up. Even if they don't appreciate themselves, they still have to believe that someone will. Work hard to improve yourself. You can feel more stable care in psychological counseling. We still have more opportunities to deal with our inner feelings.

Deal with your trauma better. There are still many beautiful aspects of relationships. Read books on boundaries in your family. Try "The Original Family Survival Guide" and "Family Can Hurt." Good luck.

ZQ?

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and I'm thrilled to be able to support you!

It's New Year's Eve, a time for family reunions! It stirs up your anger at not being loved, and the wounds in your heart are replayed in your mind. Your nose bleeds, and your father is like air, as if nothing has happened, once again proving that you are not loved. You are so miserable, immersed in a world of unlove, as if you can see that lonely child.

Your aunt and your father preferred your sister because she had a good personality and was pretty. You were the poor little one who was unloved and unloved. You describe a lot of details, and it's great that you're sharing them with us! It's clear that you want to convince yourself and make everyone feel sorry for you, and I admire your honesty.

When you were little, you lived at your aunt's house for a long time. Who was willing to take you in and give you a safe haven? They even said you weren't as pretty as you were when you were little. You left your aunt with a lot of fond memories. Just think of how much your aunt loves you!

Is it really that unattractive? What are the standards? What are the needs behind the aunt's back? Are you willing to listen to lies or the truth? What did you do to your aunt?

Oh, did she run away or resent her? Do you remember your aunt's birthday? Remember the scenes of your life together!

Oh my goodness, is it true that your father doesn't like you? How have you survived all these years? You are so strong! You want to receive the love from your aunt and father, but the way they love you is not the way you imagined. At the beginning, being fostered in a relative's home was also the best arrangement, so that you could have a stable environment. Do you agree?

People have their limitations, but your aunt and father have given you so much support! It doesn't matter if you've discovered love or not, it's always been there for you. Just because you haven't felt it doesn't mean you haven't received it!

Foster care has given you a sense of insecurity, and I'm sure that child has suffered countless times, been lonely, and longed to return to his parents' embrace. But now he's grown up and able to protect himself!

Love yourself and give yourself love! You deserve to be happy, and you will be!

Hello, I'm Bai Li Yina. I hope my response helps.

The questioner said her father didn't pay attention to her. He cared about his sister-in-law's family but not hers. She spent a lot of time with her aunt, who didn't know her age but knew her sister's age and said she was ugly. This made her sad. How can she feel better?

[Situation analysis]

Your father and aunt only see your relative's sister as nice and pretty. They care more about her than you. As girls, you feel sad and aggrieved. You hope they'll like you as much as her. You need a warm hug.

You envy your relative's sister because she has so many people love her. You think you are invisible, but you are not.

You focus on the worry that your father and aunt only see your sister and not you. If you don't see yourself, how can they see you?

Some parents say, "Look how good other people's children are," to encourage their own children. So, are you sure that praising your sister means that you like her and not you?

Your father didn't see your wound, and you feel that he doesn't care about you. Maybe he did see it, but he didn't think to ask about it. Not asking doesn't mean he doesn't care. Men and women understand injuries and wounds differently.

Let's look at why you're hurting.

Your father likes your sister more than you.

2. You can't get love or attention even if you're hurt. Your father's indifference makes you feel cold.

3. Your aunt likes the older sister but doesn't care about you. She says you're uglier than when you were little.

4. You're not as popular as your older sister.

[Questions to think about]

1. Do you like yourself? Who is prettier, you or your sister?

Who's got the better personality?

Did your father say he doesn't like you and prefers your sister? Or did you guess that?

3. You hate it when your aunt says you're ugly. Do you agree?

4. What can you do to make people like you?

5. Do you like your sister? Write down what you like and dislike about her.

Try these methods:

1. If you want to be seen, you can choose to shine. There are several ways to shine. The first is to express yourself. For example, if your father doesn't notice your wound, you can tell him. Take the initiative to let the other person see that you want to be noticed.

The second way is to be better than your sister. There are many ways to become beautiful. The most important thing is that you really want to become beautiful.

2. If you want your family to pay more attention to you, you have to care about and pay attention to yourself. When you like yourself, people will like you too. If you don't, you have to like yourself more, see your own advantages, and accept your own shortcomings.

I hope these methods help you.

Change takes time. Don't worry. Many people have been through this.

The world and I are with you. You are not alone. I wish you peace.

Thanks to those who liked and responded to me. I wish you peace and joy.

Good morning, my name is Coach Yu, and I would be grateful for the opportunity to discuss this topic with you.

I think it would be helpful to talk about comparison.

It is often the case that the more similar the person being compared to us is, the stronger the sense of comparison we experience. It may be that similar experiences make us feel that we are clearly on the same starting line, which could lead us to question why she is better than us.

In essence, the comparator may perceive an injustice, which could lead to feelings of disappointment each time they look at the situation.

As the original poster wrote, it seems that my father may have had some reservations about me since I was a child, perhaps because his sister-in-law's daughter was perceived as being more attractive and having a more engaging personality.

It might be said that competition is not as negative as we often perceive it to be. There is a possibility that it can motivate us to strive for excellence and thus help us to reach our full potential. However, it is also true that competition can sometimes lead to feelings of inferiority and confusion. As the questioner mentioned, my aunt also cares more about my sister than she does about me, and she is not even aware of my age.

Perhaps we can look within ourselves, accept ourselves, try to evaluate ourselves objectively, record my strengths and weaknesses, boast about my strengths, and try to say to ourselves: "Sister is very good, I'm not bad either! Although I have... inadequacies, I accept myself.

Perhaps we could take a moment to discuss emotions.

Emotions are made up of unique subjective experiences, external manifestations, and physiological arousal. It is possible that each emotion may result from an unmet internal desire. For example, missing out on a promotion or pay rise could lead to feelings of sadness, while losing a cherished possession after many years could result in feelings of anger.

As the original poster mentioned, my father seems to feel a sense of despair and desolation when he looks at me, as if I'm not there.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what it is about myself that I want, in comparison to my sister.

Perhaps we could ask ourselves what we would say to each other if we could pour out all our pain and despair in this moment.

It is important to remember that all emotions are neither good nor bad in themselves. When we become aware of these negative emotions, we can try to ask ourselves some gentle questions, such as "What am I worried about? What does this remind me of?"

"When we begin to accept our emotions and allow them to flow, we may find it easier to avoid acting out due to emotional repression. It can also be helpful to try to record what our feelings are at the moment.

You are writing to yourself, so please feel free to write about your feelings in an honest way. This will help us to understand the origins and effects of our emotions and to identify the root of the problem.

It might be helpful to have a heart-to-heart with Dad. We could listen to him talk about his childhood foster care experience and try to understand some of the thoughts of Mom and Dad at the time. We could also listen to what Dad expects from us and, at the same time, express our true thoughts to Dad, hoping that he can do something about it. Communication can help us release pent-up emotions and understand each other better, which might enhance the parent-child relationship.

It might be helpful to seek support from someone you trust, such as a family member or friend, if this is something that's causing you difficulty. Talking to someone you feel comfortable with can be a great way to share your feelings and receive positive guidance. If you feel the need, you can also consider speaking with a counselor, as expressing emotions can help to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

It would be beneficial for us to affirm ourselves and empower ourselves, as we cannot choose many things and many experiences cannot be replayed. When we see the truth of life, we will unload our heavy burdens, release our tight inner hearts, not be harsh with ourselves, and not force others. We will always allow ourselves to have an ordinary heart, and when our inner selves are rich and our core is stable, we will confidently show ourselves, and the people around us will naturally feel close to us.

I would like to suggest the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" as a recommended read.

I totally get it. I know how it feels to be in that situation. It's so common for families to have these kinds of issues, but you know what? You still deserve to be loved and cared for!

First, regarding your bloody nose, I have some great tips to help you out! Make sure you keep the wound clean and disinfected to avoid infection and scarring. If it's a big one or doesn't heal easily, you can even visit a hospital!

Secondly, regarding your father's preference for you and your sister, this may be due to his personal values and prejudices. But remember, you are so much more than that! Your value should not be defined by other people's prejudices.

You have so many amazing merits and strengths! It's time to learn to love and trust yourself. And don't forget to communicate with your father. Let him know how you feel and what you're confused about. He'll be so happy to understand your inner world!

In addition, you mentioned that the experience of living with your aunt also caused you a lot of harm. But you can turn this around! Your aunt's evaluation and attitude towards you may also have been influenced by her personal prejudices and values.

However, you should never let these negative comments define your self-perception. Everyone has their own beauty and value, including you!

Finally, I want to say that your inner world and feelings are equally important. Don't deny yourself because of these negative experiences. Instead, learn to love and heal yourself!

There are so many ways you can find things that make you feel confident and happy! You could develop a new hobby, catch up with friends, or even seek professional psychological counseling. The possibilities are endless!

You are worthy of love and happiness! Your value is not defined by others, but by yourself. I hope you can face your inner world with excitement and find your own happiness and satisfaction.