Guided by their mothers, they are overly concerned about what other people think and feel, and are powerless. What should they do?

Hello, Thank you for your thoughtful question. I am ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I can see that your mother's actions have caused you to feel helpless and in pain, worrying about what others will think. It seems that you are trying to do what your mother wants, and you are trying your best to conform to some of the public norms.

It can be challenging to align with societal expectations of what it means to be a "normal person." After all, no two individuals are exactly alike. Pressuring someone to behave in a way that is not authentically them can be hurtful. It's possible that your mother may have a tendency to conform to certain norms herself.

It's possible that she doesn't want anything to be unexpected or out of her control. In some cases, your mother may be someone who likes to be in control. This can sometimes make it challenging for those around her to know what to expect.

It could be that some people are driven by a desire to constantly change the behaviour of those around them.

It's as if you want them to think exactly the same way as her. Your mother encourages you to conform to these logical, popular ideas so that you can get the right answer to this question, so that you can listen to your parents, so that you can learn to drive, so that you can buy a car, as if it were all according to your mother's ideas.

Ultimately, it seems that she is not showing these behaviors out of love for you, but rather out of fear of what others will say about you or ultimately, that she will lose face. It's possible that your mother is currently only loving out of vanity, loving out of the opinions of others. It might be helpful to consider that your mother is not paying attention to you with the language and actions of love.

It seems that she is not currently supporting some of your inner thoughts with a kind and motherly behavior. This may give you insight into her current state of mind. Do you think you would follow the thoughts of such a person?

Perhaps you feel that you are at the mercy of your mother's wishes.

You may feel that you cannot disobey your parents' orders, you may be filial, and you may feel that you cannot escape, but it is important to remember that you are an independent person. As long as your sense of independence is strong enough, no one can force you to do anything. When you raise this issue, it might be helpful to consider whether your own independence is strong enough.

It is not always easy to change our parents, as they were brought up in a certain way from a young age. Many of their behaviours are therefore somewhat fixed. However, as a young person, you still have many opportunities to change and enhance your independence.

It might be helpful to try to handle this matter as smoothly as possible. It's possible that your parents' advice is just that: advice. You might consider expressing your feelings and explaining that you'd prefer to live independently and have your own space, rather than relying on your parents all the time.

It is only when you are truly independent that you will not be controlled all the time. It would be beneficial for young people to become truly independent so that they will not feel apprehensive about everything. You can have your own world. If you don't know how to do some questions, I can get it right next time.

It is possible to learn to drive in two months if one is lacking in knowledge. It is also possible to learn in four months or even six months. When one is able to afford it, it would be prudent to purchase a car that costs about 200,000 yuan. Driving can be dangerous, and traffic jams vary from city to city. It is often a hassle, with all the fees and the annual inspection.

Once you start driving, you may find it's not as convenient as taking the subway. It's important to develop your own independent judgment, and not to blindly follow the crowd or feel obliged to do what others say. Forming your own judgment is a great way to break through the clouds and move towards your own happy life. I would highly recommend taking the [Inner Animal Archetype Psychological Test] to help you understand your own character better. Best of luck!

Could I ask you a question, ZQ?

I get it. It seems like your mom always compares you to others and emphasizes the need to fit in with the crowd to get approval and avoid criticism. Such pressure can really take a toll, making you feel like you have to live up to other people's expectations or you'll be isolated and ridiculed.

It's important to remember that everyone has their own unique personality and values. There's no need to completely cater to the expectations and standards of others. Caring too much about what others think can make you lose your sense of self and confidence, and it can even lead to psychological problems like anxiety and depression.

To handle this situation, you can try the following strategies:

Self-affirmation: Know your worth and embrace your individuality. Trust in your ability to make the right choices and take the right actions. Don't let external opinions influence your self-perception.

Set personal goals based on your interests and abilities, rather than blindly chasing popular standards. This way, you'll be more motivated to achieve your goals, rather than trying to meet the expectations of others.

It's important to communicate with your mother. Try to be open and honest with her about how you feel and what you need. She might not realize how much pressure her words and actions are putting on you.

By communicating with each other, you can find ways to be more understanding and supportive of each other.

If you feel like you need some help, don't be afraid to reach out to a professional counselor or a friend. They can provide more specific advice and support to help you better cope with the expectations and pressures of motherhood.

Above all, don't let other people's expectations and standards force you into a corner. You have the right to choose your own way of life and values, and to feel proud and confident in yourself.

Have confidence in yourself, stick to your decisions, and you'll find happiness and success.

Your mother's approach has indeed put you under a lot of pressure. She seems to expect you to conform to the standards of the public in all aspects and is overly concerned about other people's opinions. This excessive emphasis on comparison with others and catering to others' expectations will make you feel anxious and uneasy, and even affect your self-identity and self-confidence. But you can overcome this!

First, remember that you are one-of-a-kind! You have your own strengths and weaknesses, and that's perfectly okay. The most important thing is to find your own unique characteristics and values, play to your strengths, and be the best you can be!

Second, don't worry about what other people think or say! People have their own opinions and prejudices, and their views are not always accurate or objective.

It's time to focus on your own inner needs and feelings! Don't blindly cater to the expectations of others.

Finally, you can try communicating with your mother to make her understand your feelings and thoughts. You can tell her that you want to grow and develop at your own pace and in your own way, and you'll be amazed at how much better you feel when you do!

You can also seek support and understanding from other family members or friends, which is a great idea!

If you feel that you cannot cope with this problem alone, you should definitely consider seeking professional psychological counseling! A psychological counselor can help you better understand your inner needs and feelings, provide some effective coping strategies, and help you establish a healthier self-identity and self-confidence.

You are not alone! Many people face similar challenges, and you can overcome this difficulty and find your own happiness and success. Believe in yourself, hold fast to your beliefs and values, and you will be able to do it!

Hello, dear question asker! My name is Rose, and I'm here to listen and be there for you.

From what you've written, it seems like you have a mother who is very controlling. This has led to feelings of helplessness, frustration, and distress.

1. I'd love to know how such a mother makes you feel.

I totally get where you're coming from. We all live for ourselves, not for the expectations of others.

However, your mother's approach makes you live your life looking over your shoulder, as she is forcing her way of life on you, while your actual feelings and thoughts are to consider yourself. This can make you feel very conflicted, which is totally understandable!

Such a mother may come from a different way of being educated, where she didn't get the same respect she deserved. This can make it hard for her to know how to respect others, and it can also affect the way she raises her children.

But you can have your own feelings and thoughts, and you can also be different from your mother. It's totally okay to resist your mother's "demands." You don't have to look helpless.

2. Over time, your mom's requests have also shaped your outlook.

Your mom often gives you feedback and asks you to do things in a certain way. Over time, your thoughts and opinions might start to align with hers. This can lead to a feeling that if you don't fit in with the norm, you'll be left out.

Have you ever wondered if what your mom says is really true?

The truth is, though, that your mom's constant nagging will only make you change your mind over and over. Look around you! You'll find plenty of people living their own lives according to their own wishes. They're out there, waiting for you to find them!

3. Try to communicate more with your mother.

If your mom always demands or teaches you in that way, you can speak up and express your disapproval. It's okay! Not all parents are right, and children also have their own opinions. If what the parents say is not right, the child can say so.

It can be tough to communicate with your mom, and it takes a lot of practice to develop a good communication style. But remember, you've got this! Stay positive and speak calmly. If you're struggling to communicate with your mom, take a deep breath and focus on your own emotional well-being.

It's so important to take care of yourself and recognize your feelings and thoughts. You deserve to have your own feelings and thoughts, and they're all valid!

My dear, you are worthy of all your feelings and thoughts. Everyone can also have their own thoughts and perceptions.

If you're facing a mother like this, you can learn to draw a clear line. It's okay to have your own opinions and thoughts! You don't have to ask your mother to recognize you, and she doesn't have to recognize you.

You let go of your mother's influence, and you let go of your own influence.

I love you, and I wish you well, sweetheart!

Hello!

A pat on the shoulder from someone you admire!

Have you ever been guided by your mother, overly concerned about other people's opinions, and powerless? If so, you're in the right place!

The ability to distinguish between the mother's will and one's own will is a great sign that the questioner has a strong, independent personality and self-will. The mother's view that her daughter is "different from other children" is an expectation and emotion that the mother needs to bear, and it has nothing to do with the questioner.

Every child has the dream of a complete family in their heart! It's born out of their love for their mother and their desire to be accepted. But if parents don't recognize that their expectations have gone beyond the bounds, the energy of conflict within the family won't disappear.

For example, the mother demands that everything be done to the highest standard, and the subtext is "You can't go off the wall, and you definitely can't fall behind!"

However, the child is an independent individual, and even if she is your child, the mother has no right to demand absolute obedience to her expectations.

If the mother keeps demanding, it means she has room to grow and could really benefit from some support!

The child is learning to drive, and the mother wants her to learn as quickly as everyone else!

It's clear that the mother is holding her child back from becoming independent. This is a common issue, and it often stems from a desire for their children to succeed. Mothers often have high expectations for their kids and want them to achieve their dreams.

But this is an unreasonable request. Fingers are not all the same length, not to mention children from different families. Such a request is an unreasonable demand that lacks understanding. The good news is that the mother can easily fix this! All she has to do is understand that an extreme reaction will only lead to the opposite result. If children's natural instincts and needs are denied, they may lose their source of happiness.

As a child, the power is uneven, and it may be difficult for an older generation to turn the tide and gain their parents' understanding in a short period of time. But I can choose to cultivate my independence and show my mother the uniqueness and inner will of the child! Secondly, I will learn to perceive my mother's expectations without judgment, give her respect, and seek mutual understanding. Gradually, my mother will see the resistance that her own stubbornness has brought to the child's development, and learn to slowly let go and trust, so that a healthy mother-daughter relationship can be restored between them.

And the above!

I wish you all the best and a happy weekend!

I read your description and I can see how you're feeling. You're in a tough spot, and it's clear you've been affected by your mother's words. You want to improve, and you can do it by learning to regulate yourself. Here are a few tips:

1. You can see that you're an adult and that your mother still influences you. This shows you haven't made a good distinction between the present and the past. You're still living in your mother's pain. You need to believe you're an adult and that you can be responsible for yourself. You need to take responsibility for your psychology as well as your actions. You're your own master, and everyone else is a fact of your life outside. You can't change these facts, including what has already happened and your mother's current behavior. You have to accept these facts and focus on yourself and everything and everyone around you. You can't change them, but you can change the way you think about other people.

2. How can you change other people's opinions of you? Remember that the words or actions of others reflect their inner selves, not yours. Their perspectives don't represent your own. No matter how harshly they speak, they can't harm you physically. The same applies to your own mind. If you think what other people say is correct, it will hurt your feelings. If you think what other people say is unreasonable, you can ignore it. No matter what they say, it won't hurt you.

3. This is also tough, but if you can get past it, you'll feel a lot better. You have to understand that you are you, and your mother is your mother. You are two independent people, and there have to be boundaries. No matter who the other person is, they can't understand your pain or make choices for you unless you're willing. It's like buying a car: you have to buy the car yourself. If you already feel a lot of pain, you can just say that you're in pain. You don't need to expect or desire what others say; you just need to express yourself.

Ultimately, you need to separate the two issues. You are you, and your mother is your mother. Don't let them become one and the same. Only when you and your mother are happy can you help others to be happy too. So first, take care of yourself. Don't worry about your mother, but first, adjust your mood and make yourself strong inside, so that others can't hurt you.

I hope you have a happy, fulfilling life. I believe you can be your own champion! Go for it!

Hello, question asker!

From what you've said, I can see you're feeling a bit confused and helpless. But you're also doing a great job of dealing with these emotions. It's really positive that you're facing this head-on!

After reading your description, I feel really sorry for you. I can tell that your mother has had a big influence on you. This isn't what you want, and it's not your fault. It's just that this kind of upbringing over a long period of time has influenced you, making you unconsciously care about other people's feelings. I'll give you a warm hug.

All problems are opportunities in disguise. We're experts at solving our own problems. Based on your description, I'm not in a position to make any small suggestions, but I'm happy to help in any other way I can.

First, I suggest you look into professional psychological counseling or learn about psychology. Reading some psychology books for self-healing is also a good idea. Our original family can have a big impact on us for the rest of our lives. It can make us feel very powerless and unsure of what to do. Professional counseling can help us look at the root of our subconscious, adjust our perceptions, and heal our hearts. We can learn to grow and heal ourselves at the same time, which is a great method.

Second, we should learn to love and respect ourselves. What happened when we were young really affected us a lot, but now that we've grown up, we can take care of ourselves and face it with strength. If you're willing to, we should first learn to love and respect ourselves, learn to say no, and learn to firmly establish a sense of boundaries. This can help us.

Then, we have to believe that we can become more and more powerful. Only when we believe in ourselves can we become more powerful and avoid getting caught in a cycle of emotions. Only when we are willing to believe in ourselves can we dare to do and think, break through previous perceptions, and gain the strength we need.

Finally, I want to say that life has a way of healing those who are willing to be healed. When you become aware of it and come here, you are already on the path to change. If you don't give up and keep pushing forward, you'll find ways to relieve your emotions.

Hello. I am a heart exploration coach, and I am going to give you some advice.

From your description, it's clear that you're currently unable to be yourself because of your mother's guidance.

Let me be clear: if someone else is guiding you, that's fine. But if it's your mother, you feel especially helpless.

You want to be a filial child and you don't want to go against her on everything. However, her repeated demands make it impossible for you to accept more.

The gap between your mother's expectations and your true self is too great. It's subversive and causes you to develop a defense mechanism. Every time your mother makes a request, you reflect on it and try to achieve her expectations.

However, through self-awareness and your own personal efforts, you have discovered that you really cannot do it.

You can't do it because you want to be true to yourself. Your mother's life is not suitable for you. You can't stand it anymore. Otherwise, you would still choose to agree with her as much as possible.

I will help you sort out your current emotional state based on your detailed text description. Then, together, we will discuss what to do in the future, how to face your mother's demands, and how to sort out this unhappiness in your heart.

Your mother is forcing you to conform to her logic. She wants you to be popular and to integrate into the crowd.

In her world, she may hope that you are not the most unique, but rather the kind that goes with the flow, can protect your life, and feel relatively stable and average. She may think that this will keep you relatively safe, but she is mistaken.

This way of thinking comes from her original family and an existential state in her entire life. If your mother's character is relatively conservative and introverted, then she will seek stability in her life.

A personality that seeks stability is more likely to dislike being in the limelight and is not particularly adept at it. When it comes to introverted personalities, if they do stand out, they are afraid of attracting trouble and lack a sense of security.

This is how your mother sees it. But what about you? You don't want to be unique. You want to do things your way.

For example, if someone else can do the math, you can do it too. If other people listen to their parents, you should too. Your mother is comparing you to others in these situations.

She'll think you're just like other children and that you should be the same as other people your age. That word in that sentence is "should."

She may think that everyone is more or less the same and wonder why her child is different. She may also wonder why her child can't do what other people can.

She will lack self-confidence and feel insecure after the comparison, which will make her anxious. Despite being our mother, she still has emotional states, a family background, and personal experiences.

If it's not as smooth as we have experienced, or if it doesn't have the kind of more open-minded thinking that we have in the new era, then she wants stability more than anything else. She doesn't want to stand out, and she doesn't want others to be discreet in their support for you, because it would be embarrassing.

She compares you to others and wants you to be on a par with them. If you don't stand out, others will think you're just like everyone else.

This is how she feels safe inside, and this is the logic behind it.

You disagree with her a lot. You have your own opinions about doing homework, learning to drive, buying a car, and you are quite independent.

That's true.

In the modern era, it is more important than ever to be yourself. To be yourself is to be the person that your heart can accept.

This is a stage when we start to live our own lives. You should be about 23 or 24 years old, in my opinion.

You are ready to gradually mature in society, gradually become independent, and gradually become independent in your heart.

Once you've analyzed your mother's inner feelings based on my analysis above, you'll understand the influence of her era and her family of origin. This is why she behaves the way she does. We'll then be able to understand her relatively.

However, understanding does not mean we have to agree.

We respect her opinions, but she must respect ours, as well as what we are really interested in doing and our own ideas.

I know you get angry with her sometimes and want to fight back, but you're more worried about hurting her than you are about hurting her.

If you have these thoughts, you should talk to her when you disagree with her. You can say,

Your child has grown up and needs to think for herself. You understand that your mother wants stability and for her child to fit in with the crowd. She doesn't want to be judged by others.

Your child may not be able to follow her mother's ideas, but that's not the point. It's about the child's individuality. We can make adjustments while respecting her mother's ideas.

We are all different. We have different personalities and ideas, and we live in different times.

I am certain that through communication with your mother, you can work out a better solution together or respect each other's thoughts and actions. If you feel that the other person's actions are not appropriate, we should raise it without judging.

It is a way to show mutual respect and give each other equal opportunities to make decisions.

I am certain that after you have spoken to your mother like this, she will understand. She will understand that her child has grown up and is not her possession anymore, and that she needs to respect her child more.

Let her see her true heart and why she has these thoughts. You can see this anxiety and worry in her heart, and you can give your mother better acceptance and healing.

From then on, the two of you will be able to talk more easily, and the family relationship will also be smoother. Practice on your side first.

If you're unsure how to communicate with her or what to say,

You are welcome to ask questions and make plans.

Send me a message on my personal homepage and I will be able to help you more effectively. I also hope that soon your relationship with your mother will be smoother and get back on track as soon as possible.

I look forward to your reply and wish you all the best.