Had it not been for chatting with friends, I wouldn't have realized that I am actually quite obnoxious?

Hello.

Host:

After reading the post, I could clearly see the pain the poster was in. At the same time, I also saw that the poster was brave enough to face his feelings and actively seek help. This helped the poster understand himself better and recognize his true self.

Next, I will share my observations and thoughts in the post, which will undoubtedly provide the original poster with a different perspective.

1. We must ask ourselves: who defines the criteria for good and bad?

After reading the post, I was reminded of a particularly illustrative case from my counseling practice. A young boy sought guidance because he was still experiencing bedwetting despite reaching the age where it was no longer expected of him.

Later, someone asked him if the counseling was useful. The little boy confidently replied, "Yes!"

The other person asked, "So do you still wet the bed?" He replied, "Yes!"

The others were surprised, so they asked, "So what's the use of counseling?" The little boy replied confidently, "The counselor made me accept that bedwetting was nothing, just being different from others."

The original poster stated that others have labeled him as having a "bad personality." This raises the question: How is this concept of "good" and "bad" defined? From his perspective, he believes it is not good, and he is the sole arbiter of what is right and wrong.

You can create your own value even if you have a bad personality.

Ren Zhengfei himself said that he is a person with very obvious strengths and weaknesses. At home, he is often considered stupid by his wife and daughter, but that doesn't mean he has no talent or value. He is a valuable person.

Steve Jobs of Apple said he had a bad temper. But how many people can match his achievements?

You must develop your strengths and stop focusing on your weaknesses. If you don't change, you will develop a lot of emotions and self-attack, which will cause a lot of internal friction. You will never find the energy to do what you are good at.

2. Accept yourself.

People spend their whole lives accepting themselves. The greater the degree of acceptance, the less we are affected by other people's opinions. We are affected by other people's opinions because we do not approve of or accept ourselves.

Other people's opinions of us cause harm. We agree with them.

If you don't agree with other people's opinions of you, they can't hurt you.

So accept yourself and your imperfections. Focus on your strengths and work on your weaknesses. You will become a better version of yourself.

3. Learn and improve yourself.

I can't say it any more clearly than this: for the current poster, mentioning self-acceptance is just a direction. To improve self-acceptance, the poster must learn, improve themselves, increase their own awareness, and improve their thinking. There's no question that increasing your understanding and awareness of yourself can all help us grow and accept ourselves better.

Read books on communication and improving emotional intelligence to improve your interpersonal relationships. This is not a denial of the current self; it is simply an acknowledgement that these abilities can be improved.

Instead of thinking about change, we should increase our own awareness and knowledge. We will find that we have changed. Deliberately changing is not accepting the present; it is accepting the present self. This allows us to better know what we can do for our lives.

I am a psychometric coach at One Psychology, Zeng Chen. I am confident that these will be helpful and inspiring to the poster.

If you have any questions, click on Find a Coach to contact me for one-on-one, in-depth communication.

Hello!

I'm Yi Ming, a heart exploration coach.

Your question reminds me of something I went through.

Your question reminds me of something I went through.

When a friend says something negative about me, I feel sad, helpless, and rejected.

Hug you!

I'd love to chat.

I hope I can help.

How can we take feedback better?

I get it.

You think your friend is right.

You know you have flaws.

Why do you keep smiling when you feel bad?

It protects you.

I used to be like that too.

You kept a smile on your face even though your heart was breaking.

It took a long time to get out of that.

I thought my friend was right. There was something wrong with me.

You doubt yourself.

I tried hard, but why is this happening?

Later, I read books and met people. I realized I'm imperfect. So what?

We all have flaws, but we're still worthy of love.

As you said, talking to friends helps us see our flaws. But just because some people hate you doesn't mean you're bad or hated by everyone.

Often, we feel everyone is uncomfortable with us. We think we're annoying.

The truth is different.

Some people like us, some people hate us.

Good friends accept you for who you are.

Look at feedback more objectively.

We can also get more feedback.

People feel different ways.

2. Accept yourself.

We accept our flaws, but we can still improve.

Accepting our shortcomings doesn't mean we won't improve.

The more we understand and accept ourselves, the easier it is to make progress.

Changes based on liking oneself are easier.

Inside, we're all negative about ourselves. The more tired we feel, the less we know what to do.

Accepting yourself is a process. Learn to accept your flaws and you'll like and love yourself more.

We slowly show our true selves because we can't get along with everyone.

If a friend says something bad about themselves, tell them it makes you feel bad.

Give me some advice.

Don't smile.

Good feedback is always constructive.

If only friends tell you what's wrong with you, it's a blow.

Learn to understand and care for yourself.

Learn to understand and care for yourself.

Life isn't enough to make people feel inferior. They imprison themselves.

Read the book Know Yourself, Accept Yourself.

Know yourself, accept yourself, love yourself, and be comfortable in relationships.

Knowing yourself means not being dependent on others.

I love you, world!

I love you!

From your description, I can discern that you are experiencing a range of negative emotions, including feelings of inferiority, anxiety, irritability, and helplessness.

Had you not engaged in discourse with your acquaintances, you would have remained unaware of your own irritating qualities.

Reflecting on your school days, you recall that many individuals perceived you as peculiar. You tend to internalize these opinions, particularly those expressed by your friends.

You express remorse for your role as an outsider and for the discomfort you cause others.

You experience discomfort when others discuss you, and you regret your inability to maintain a cheerful demeanor.

You are aware that you are attempting to alter your behavior, yet you are unable to do so on occasion. You are uncertain of the appropriate course of action.

It is evident that you are excessively self-critical. It would be beneficial to identify who, if anyone, does not hold a positive opinion of you.

You have lost your sense of self. As long as you love yourself, you are under no obligation to seek the approval of others.

Are your friends' assessments accurate?

From the information provided, it appears that you are inclined to accept the opinions of your friends regarding your character.

You believe that they are correct in their assessment of your personality, that you are annoying, that you do not get along with people, and that you make those around you feel uncomfortable.

One might inquire whether these statements represent the conventional response. It is plausible that they reflect the subjective perceptions of the individuals in question.

What constitutes an optimal personality? What are the potential outcomes if the individual in question is liked?

One might inquire whether it is one's responsibility to fit in. Similarly, one might ask whose problem it is if others do not feel comfortable.

One might inquire as to the identity of the subject in question and whether they believe the aforementioned individuals are correct in their assertions.

It is not necessary to rely on the opinions of others in order to make decisions. The responsibility for one's own actions and decisions lies solely with the individual in question.

merely attempting to satisfy others does not necessarily result in the formation of a positive relationship.

It is evident that you experience a considerable degree of self-blame and guilt due to your inability to meet the expectations of your friends.

Despite assertions to the contrary, it is evident that attempts at change are futile.

It is evident that you are exerting considerable effort to integrate into their social group. However, unquestioningly adapting and satisfying the expectations of others will not foster the love and respect of those around you.

Consequently, the subject will experience a profound sense of fatigue.

It is essential to develop one's own evaluation system.

One should not unquestioningly accept the judgments of others. Being an outsider does not inherently imply moral deficiency, and there is no universally accepted standard for good character. It is not always one's responsibility if others feel discomfort; it may also be a result of the other person's internalized beliefs.

It is advisable to attempt to develop one's own evaluation system, rather than allowing others to define one's character. In order to gain a deeper understanding of oneself, it is essential to employ one's own evaluation system.

↗️ It is imperative to trust and respect one's own feelings.

In the event of experiencing discomfort or a sense of attack in the presence of others, it is advisable to place trust in one's internal sensations. It is likely that the source of these emotions can be attributed to a specific action or statement made by the other party.

One must not doubt oneself. Rather, one should endeavor to believe and respect these feelings, as they are, in fact, real, reasonable, and normal.

It is imperative that you remain true to yourself, resist the temptation to allow others to define you, and cultivate a sense of self-assurance.

I wish you the best of success!