Has my boyfriend, with whom I've been in a relationship for four years, broken up with me, can we get it back?

Good day, question asker. I believe there is still room for improvement in your current situation.

However, following the reconciliation, can you confirm that you will not engage in such disagreements with your boyfriend in the future?

Could you please provide more details regarding the specific trivial matters that you or he consider trivial at this time?

If the disagreements are not about fundamental principles but rather minor issues, and they occur frequently, it is likely that the other party will become increasingly frustrated and may eventually lead to internal conflict and a sense of exhaustion when spending time together.

If there is no feasible method of modifying the behavior of engaging in futile arguments with your partner, it may be advisable to consider terminating the relationship.

I believe that he has also reached the conclusion that the relationship is untenable and has decided to end it on a rational level.

Four years of dating is a relatively lengthy period of time, although it is not excessive.

The original poster indicated that you had committed to making changes. However, it is not a simple process to alter an individual's behavior, and the underlying factors often originate from one's upbringing.

For instance, the tendency to engage in frequent disagreements with one's partner on inconsequential matters may be indicative of a calculated personality. This could potentially be influenced by the parenting style one has experienced.

It is therefore probable that this personality trait has been developed since childhood. It is not feasible to change it immediately if that is the desired outcome. Instead, it will take time. During this process, it is likely that the new way of thinking will not be fully formed, resulting in a return to the old calculating personality.

He may continue to urge you to let go, but doing so will also cause him distress and annoyance.

I am aware that the questioner is hesitant to end a four-year relationship. This is understandable, but it is important to recognize that relationships are often shaped by fate. As my mother used to say, "What's yours is yours, and what's not yours is not yours."

If it's not meant to be, there's no benefit in forcing it. It's possible that this boyfriend is not the best fit for you, and you should consider letting go at the appropriate time. It's preferable to experience a brief period of discomfort than to prolong the situation.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. For further information, please contact me at the following email address: [email protected] Thank you for your attention. Yours sincerely, Tian Tian Xiang Shang 217733

On behalf of Yixinli, I would like to extend my best wishes to you.

If a relationship that has lasted four years has reached the point of dissolution, it is unlikely that this occurred by chance.

As you previously indicated, you initiated a romantic relationship with your boyfriend during your freshman year of college. The current date is four years later.

In accordance with the aforementioned timeline, it would be reasonable to conclude that you have completed your studies by now. It is unclear whether you are currently employed or continuing your education.

It is plausible that the conflicts experienced are a consequence of maladjustment to the workplace at the initial stages of employment, which has resulted in the introduction of emotional factors into the relationship and caused considerable distress to the partner.

Secondly, you indicated that you had been in a relationship for three months, which is the first time you have resided together for an extended period. Previously, you were inseparable, but now you have started living together.

If one party desires to live together and the other party is reluctant, it is inevitable that the latter will become the primary caretaker of the former's trivial matters. Consequently, if the individual responsible for these matters is the other party, it is unreasonable to expect the latter to embody the archetypal prince. This expectation is bound to result in disappointment, as it is implausible for a prince to engage in the mundane tasks associated with daily life.

Ultimately, if one truly values the relationship, the initial step is to modify one's own behavior. It is essential to engage in open communication with one's partner regarding the means of maintaining a mutually acceptable and comfortable relationship, while also ensuring each partner has sufficient personal space. Respecting each other's needs is crucial for the continued progression of the relationship, whether it be romantic or marital.

For example, if one party is unwilling to prepare their own meals, it would be reasonable to expect that they would at least be amenable to ordering takeout.

If there is a genuine affection between the two parties, then it is possible to salvage the relationship. Based on four years of relationship experience, it is possible to maintain the relationship if both parties are committed to doing so.

It is my sincere hope that the advice I have provided will prove beneficial to you.

From what I can tell, you're a female undergraduate about to graduate, facing problems like graduate school exams, employment, and relationship obstacles. You're feeling pretty confused, so I'm sending you a virtual hug.

First of all, you haven't had any major conflicts in the three years you've been together. But you have had constant conflicts in the three months you've been living together every day. This is the difference between dating as a student and living together or having a trial marriage before marriage. When two people have to face each other all day, conflicts of one kind or another will arise.

When there are disagreements, you've written about the pros and cons of your actions. It's not okay to lose your temper, ignore him, say bad things about him, or not encourage him.

It's important to identify the issue and then address it.

Secondly, there's statistical evidence that the time between falling in love and getting married should not be too long. Of course, nowadays young people face pressure in their jobs and lives, and it is normal to get married late. However, when two people live together, it is almost like being married.

I'm not sure if you two have talked about this yet. It's something you should think about, even if it's a bit early to do so.

Third, from what you've said, it seems like your boyfriend is perfect—but I don't think that's realistic. Men often have more stressors than women when it comes to studying, work, and relationships. This can affect how your relationship progresses and how you make decisions together.

It's important to think things through and act sensibly right now. Don't lose your cool, but do communicate patiently and discuss the current problems and future development together.

I think that after a period of calm between you both, it'll still be possible to talk. At that time, you can get your thoughts together and communicate well. I wish you well, and even if it doesn't work out, don't be discouraged. Overall, you're a sensible and good girl, and you're still young, so you'll meet someone better in the future.

I'm Jia Jia, so don't worry.

Personal public account: A young man (ID: qingnianJIA2020) who's looking forward to staying in touch.

Yi Xinli Answering Questions Hall Mutual Aid Community, the World and I Love You >> https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Question asker:

Hello! I just wanted to check in and see if you're having a hard time accepting that your four-year relationship might be coming to an end.

Do you feel like you haven't appreciated it enough? I can tell you're not totally on board.

From what you've said, it seems like your boyfriend has treated you well over the past four years. He always tries to calm you down when you're angry, which shows that he cares about you. And how have you treated him over the past four years?

As you said yourself, you've said all kinds of bad things about him. So, how does he feel inside? In these four years, he must have had a lot of grievances too, but he's endured them alone, right?

So, if you've stuck it out this long, there's a chance he's tired and doesn't have the energy to play along as if nothing happened. He might have to keep dealing with your mixed feelings...

Given that you've been together for four years, it's unlikely that you'll be able to move on immediately if you break up. So, do you want to try to reconcile?

If you want to, you can go over the following questions: 1. What do you hope to achieve by reconciling? 2. How committed are you to making this work?

3. Are you ready to face rejection if it means winning back the relationship? 4. How will you maintain the relationship after you win it back?

5. Are you ready to make sacrifices for the other person and even change yourself? 6. Change doesn't happen overnight. Can you commit to doing what you say you will do?

I think you need to think about these questions carefully.

You mentioned that you often get angry with him over minor issues. Could you elaborate on what those issues are? Is it that the other person doesn't listen?

Or maybe you didn't express yourself clearly? Or was it that the other person really didn't understand what you were thinking?

Have you tried talking to each other when you're both feeling good so you can figure out what the other person needs? Communication is really important here.

Women tend to get emotional when something happens to them. At such times, what they need more is to be accepted for their emotions, comforted, and supported. Men, on the other hand, because they care, will be anxious to help the other person solve the problem right away and neglect the fact that what the other person needs most is emotional comfort.

This is why communication gets tricky at this time, which is caused by the differences in thinking between men and women.

You said you're not sure and gave him a pep talk, which shows you've still reflected on it. Men and women have different needs in a relationship. Men need: trust, acceptance, gratitude, praise, affirmation, and encouragement; women need: care, understanding, respect, loyalty, recognition, and comfort. See if these can give you some inspiration.

If you really want to win him back, make sure you find a good time, stay emotionally stable, be sincere, and really think about what you've learned.

If you can accept the breakup, time will help you accept reality and move on. You can also think about what you gained from the relationship and what you could have done better, and learn from it.

These are just my personal opinions, and I hope they can help you in some way. Best regards, Thank you!

Hello, host! I'm Chuchengjing, your friendly whale social worker.

I'm here for you, and I want to give you a warm hug. I understand that you broke up with your boyfriend and you want to get back together. I'm here to help! Let's analyze the problem together and see what we can do to help you.

First, let's take a look at your determination to get back together. What is your motivation for wanting to get back together?

How much effort are you willing to put into saving the relationship? It's totally understandable if you're feeling unsure. It can be really challenging to face the other person's temporary resistance and indifference, and it's natural to worry that your efforts may not necessarily bear fruit.

If you're finding it tough to stick with it, you might as well choose to let go. That might mean letting go of the other person and yourself. If you feel that the other person is worth it and you really want to salvage the relationship, it might take some time and effort on your part.

Let's take a look at what led to your breakup, sweetie. It seems like your boyfriend felt like he couldn't take it anymore and wanted to give up.

It's totally understandable that he felt like he couldn't take it anymore and wanted to give up. It's a really tough situation when you're in the middle of it, but I really hope you can find a way through it. The thing is, at this time, the choice a guy makes is usually a more rational one. He'll feel like he can't handle your emotions and instability, and he'll think that having a single life is a better option. You can try not contacting the other person for a while. Just wait until their emotions calm down and they start to think back to the good times you had together. Then you can take action.

Second, you can start with yourself. Take a deep breath, and find the reason you are angry. Then, think of ways you can improve. This may not be a problem just for you, but one that you and your partner need to work on together. But first, you have to take responsibility for your own part. Then, you can ask the other person to take responsibility for their part. You can't just let go of a four-year relationship, but you have to learn to know when to advance and when to retreat. I wish you the best, and I hope you can find a good love in the end.

Wishing you all the best! (I think you're a Yixinli Whale Social Worker, right?)