Have known for over 4 years, suddenly started to bother me, is it my problem or something else?

Dear friend, I can see you're feeling confused and exhausted. It's totally normal to feel that way when you're facing changes with a long-term friend and differences in values and interests. You want to keep this friendship, but you don't want to go against your own feelings and values.

Your feelings are totally valid. You're not being overly sensitive, but you're just being honest about how you feel and what you want.

It's normal for relationships to change, especially long-term ones. People develop new interests and values over time, which can lead to changes in the original relationship patterns.

Your friend might not realize this change in your relationship, or she might be going through her own emotional challenges, which make her seek support and confide in others more. She might really need your support, but at the same time, she also needs to learn to respect your feelings and boundaries.

"Emotional contagion" is when someone's emotions affect those around them. Your friend might be transferring her negative emotions to you, and you're feeling tired and stressed as you try to support her and offer solutions.

A true friend will respect your feelings and be willing to work on maintaining a healthy relationship.

Your feelings show that you've become aware of your need for more personal space and respect. This is an important part of self-growth and a necessary condition for maintaining mental health.

Your friend may need time to understand your position, and you may need to have an honest conversation to express each other's feelings and expectations.

Your feelings are important, as is your happiness and inner peace. You don't have to sacrifice your feelings to maintain a friendship.

It's important to be open and honest about your feelings and needs. For instance, you could tell her that you don't like being asked out at the last minute without a plan in place. You could also let her know that you're not comfortable receiving gifts on certain days, like Valentine's Day. It's also good to give your friend the chance to express her feelings and needs.

It might be that she's not aware that her behavior is upsetting you. You can work out a rule together about how and in what circumstances you'll invite each other out.

Make sure your needs are being met and don't let others' expectations affect your feelings. True friendship is built on mutual respect and understanding, and it requires effort and maintenance from both sides.

If you're unhappy in the relationship, it might be time to think about whether the friendship is still worth it. It's not an easy decision, but it might be necessary.

Building a friendship is a great journey in life. It takes heart and soul to nurture it. Be brave and we'll find those friendships that are truly worth cherishing and giving our all for.

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing a state of inner confusion and a sense of helplessness. Concurrently, you have demonstrated a noteworthy degree of awareness and are acutely aware of this discomforting sensation. It is commendable that you are confronting this issue directly.

From your description, it is evident that you did not act inappropriately. It is also apparent that you have invested a great deal in your friendship. As you and your friend navigate the challenges of perseverance, you may perceive differences in your perspectives. You tend to embrace new experiences and ventures, whereas your friend often evokes negative emotions that make you feel uneasy. It would be beneficial for him to take the initiative to demonstrate goodwill and express his desire to order a cake for you. However, given that your birthday was months ago and you cannot consume the cake alone, you decline, which may also cause him discomfort.

When he feels uncomfortable, it evokes confusion and prompts the question of whether the decision made was the correct one. However, it is imperative to respect one's own feelings.

In fact, nothing in this world is absolute, particularly in the context of interpersonal relationships. When interacting with friends, it is possible to pursue activities and engage in behaviors that align with one's personal comfort and happiness.

However, the most crucial aspect is one's personal comfort. It is essential to allow one's own feelings to serve as the guiding force. Otherwise, an individual may experience discomfort in social interactions.

All problems can be viewed as potential resources, and individuals possess the capacity to resolve their own issues. When an individual is uncertain and seeks guidance, they are already on the path to change.

What about your confusion? My personal recommendation is to respect your feelings. Your friend has provided you with a highly unfavorable experience.

If one persists in tolerating such circumstances or fails to articulate one's feelings, it is detrimental to one's well-being and to the quality of the friendship. One may therefore endeavor to honor one's sentiments and to learn to decline when necessary. This is also an indication of personal growth.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to attempt communication with the individual in question. It is important to express one's discomfort, yet it is also crucial to maintain a neutral emotional state while doing so. To illustrate this concept, consider the following example: It is raining.

It is beneficial to communicate one's thoughts and feelings to the other person. When this occurs, it can facilitate healing. If the other person is able to accept these feelings, the friendship can continue. However, if they are unable to do so, it is still acceptable because many people drift apart. It is important to note that there will always be individuals who are willing to engage in meaningful dialogue, tolerate differences, and provide support.

In conclusion, it is important to note that one should not always assume responsibility for the actions of others, as there are instances when external factors are beyond one's control. This does not imply that the situation was without cause; rather, it is essential to avoid self-blame to a disproportionate extent.

I empathize with the pressure and the challenge the OP is facing. As a close associate for four years, she has consistently relied on you as a sounding board. I believe it would be challenging for anyone, particularly the OP, to maintain distance and avoid contact. Negative emotions can have a significant impact on individuals, especially when the person expressing them does not consider the consequences. This approach can intensify negative feelings, as if the individual is not engaging with a genuine friend, but rather a mere receptacle for their emotions.

If you wish to dispose of the trash, please do so and depart. Without an expression of gratitude or solace, it is challenging not to experience discomfort.

In light of the circumstances, it is understandable that you may be reluctant to sever the friendship. However, it is equally challenging to maintain the status quo. I believe that it would be beneficial for you to have an open and honest conversation with the other person about your concerns. This will allow you to express your feelings and gain insight into their perspective.

It is possible that the other person did not react as the OP anticipated, and that the OP's words enabled the other person to gain a deeper understanding of their perspective. This could potentially lead to a strengthening of the relationship between the two parties. Furthermore, although the gesture of sending a cake may seem belated, it is encouraging to note that the friend in question still has the intention to send the cake to the OP. This demonstrates that she still cares about the OP as a friend and the relationship between them.

If you fail to address the issue, you will continue to feel unhappy, and the other person will remain unaware of the situation, which will only lead to further suspicion and damage the relationship between you. If you discuss it, everyone will understand, and you can proceed as usual. It is a relatively minor issue.

Give me a hug first!

It seems like your outlook on this friendship has shifted. This isn't because you've become unfriendly or sensitive, but because you and your friend have started to have some differences in attitude towards life, interests, and the way you approach relationships.

First, you find yourself focusing more on your own interests and career than getting involved in your friends' romantic lives and gossip. This is a normal part of growing up, and everyone will find their interests and priorities changing over time.

This doesn't mean you don't care about your friend. It just means you're more focused on your own growth and development.

Second, you feel like your friend and you have different values and ways of thinking, especially when it comes to relationships and interpersonal relationships. This difference might make it harder to communicate and get along.

Her approach to relationships is different from yours, and you may find it challenging to understand and support.

Your reaction to her sudden gesture of buying you a cake was also understandable. You feel that this kind of behavior is meaningless, and that Valentine's Day is not important to you.

This shows that you value a sincere and practical friendship more than formal gifts and occasions. The coldness you express may disappoint her, but it doesn't mean you've done anything wrong. You're just sticking to your principles and feelings.

You can try to have a chat with her about how you can still be friends. Let her know about your recent changes and how you're thinking, as well as what you expect from friendship.

You can also suggest some activities you both enjoy so that your interactions can be more enriching and meaningful. If the differences between you are too great, you can also consider maintaining a friendly relationship but keeping a certain distance.

It's crucial to be honest and respectful so that everyone involved feels comfortable.

It's important to understand that when you're communicating with friends, you should try to avoid being too direct or hurtful. Instead, focus on emphasizing your personal growth and changes, as well as the value you place on the friendship.

You might want to try expressing your desire for a deeper and more meaningful relationship, while emphasizing respect for each other's different choices and lifestyles.

If she's having trouble understanding your changes, you might want to give it some time to see if you can adapt to each other's differences more slowly. Friendship often requires mutual understanding and adjustment, but it's also important to be clear about your bottom line and needs to ensure that you remain true and comfortable in the friendship.

It's also worth thinking about your own feelings and what you want from a friendship, as well as what you want from a relationship. If you feel that the friendship is getting you down, it might be worth setting some boundaries to protect your mental health.

As a general rule, friendships require effort and understanding from both sides. Open communication can help you find a friendship model that suits both of you better or maintain a certain amount of independence on a friendly basis.

I hope my answer helps you.

This conflict arises because we don't know how to position this friend in our relationship network. You used to be close to her, but now you want to keep some distance, while she still sees you as a close friend. We can look at it this way: what distance and position in your relationship network is most appropriate for this friend? You also need to communicate effectively with her, convey accurate information to her, and give her her own issues back to her without getting overly involved. This will help you get along with her more easily.

I advise you to:

This relationship deserves a place in your social network.

Everyone has limited energy. If you maintain close relationships with most people, you won't have enough energy. It's time to make new friends who share your interests. Spend some of your energy communicating and getting along with these friends. These new friends will nourish you, not drain you.

Some relationships are nourishing at the beginning, but as they develop, you and your partner will have less and less in common. Being together will become very draining. At this point, you need to adjust the position of this relationship in your relationship network and place it where you feel most comfortable.

Our relationship network can be divided into four categories: relationships with parents and family members, relationships with the closest friends (no more than seven or nine), general friendships, and one-off relationships. The more important the relationship, the more energy we need to spend on it. Conversely, we need less energy to spend on relationships closer to the end. When you place everyone in your life in their appropriate position in your relationship network, you will be clear, distinguish the degree of importance, and know how to handle your relationships with them.

2. You must communicate effectively when conflicts and contradictions arise in relationships.

In a relationship, conflicts and contradictions still require effective communication. I use the method of "Nonviolent Communication," which involves objectively stating the incident without judging or blaming, and expressing your feelings, needs, and specific requests to the other person. It also requires listening to the other person's feelings, needs, and specific requests.

For example, in the case of the cake, we can express our feelings, needs, and specific requests to her without judging or accusing her. You can say to her, "I felt uncomfortable when I received the cake you sent me today. I don't celebrate Valentine's Day, and I can't eat a whole cake by myself. I appreciate your kindness, but I also expect you to respect my feelings. In the future, if it's not my birthday, please don't send me a cake." Then, listen to what she has to say. Maybe she'll say that this is her way of showing you how much she values you, and so on. Then, you can also express how you expect her to value you.

When we express ourselves sincerely and consistently in a relationship, we can talk about anything without having to guess at each other's intentions. It's not draining.

3. Learn to separate issues and give her back the issues that belong to her. You don't need to take on too much.

The most important skill we need to learn to handle interpersonal relationships is to separate issues. We must distinguish between our own issues and hers and not take on her issues as our own.

The person who experiences the direct consequences of an event is responsible for that event!

How she gets along with her boyfriend, whether they break up or not, and her own emotions are none of your business. She can vent to you, and you can give advice, but you don't need to take responsibility for them. Just give what you can.

You must decide how you want to handle your relationship with her. You can choose to continue the status quo, become more distant, or become closer. It's your choice. But you must accept the consequences of your choice. If you choose to continue the status quo, you must accept the current results. If you choose to become more distant, you must accept the consequences, such as her feelings for you becoming weaker and her having some misunderstandings about you. If you choose to become closer, you must accept the consequences, such as having to put in more effort to get along with her.

You know the answer. This is your own topic.

This is for your reference. Best wishes!

Happy New Year!

I'm Kelly Shui, and I'm so excited to be here with you today!

"I suddenly started to get annoyed with my friends. Is it me or is it something else?"

After reading your words, I feel that you are an incredibly emotional person!

You've known your friend for more than four years, and you can really see how your own emotional and psychological changes have evolved!

Let's dive in and analyze it together!

[About friends]

You were classmates in college, and at that time everyone loved to gossip about the latest news and talk about love!

You can also see that this is the you from that stage, not the recent you—and it's a great reflection of how far you've come!

Recently, your mindset has changed for the better! You have sorted it out and realized that over the past few years, your focus has slowly shifted away from gossip and love.

And you've found things you love to do!

I can feel that you are a person who continues to grow and develop in amazing ways! You have your own ideals and pursuits, and I admire that.

I remember reading a quote from Mr. Mu Xin's book that really stuck with me!

"Friends from childhood are like childhood clothes that you can't wear when you grow up."

It's totally normal! We've all been there.

In fact, including me, I used to think I was very "cold-hearted." But I've since realized that's not true! For many of my childhood playmates, elementary school classmates, junior high school, high school, including your mentioned college classmates, and later colleagues, our mentality will also change as we grow up with the environment.

So I personally don't think you have a problem, but your mentality has changed a bit, which is quite normal—and totally normal!

[About yourself]

We all love hanging out with friends, especially going out and doing things that make you both relax. Checking in at new stores and visiting museums are what we like, and they attract friends like us!

For example, if your friend always finds excuses to complain about her life when you hang out, you can simply say, "No, thank you!" and move on to something more enjoyable.

We respect our own feelings and thoughts, and we also give ourselves some space to do activities that interest us!

She's got to learn to deal with her boyfriend's affairs on her own, and it's tiring for you to follow her life, emotions, and changes over time. But you know what? It's also an opportunity for you to focus on your own life and pursue your own dreams.

We all think differently, and that's a wonderful thing! Even if it's a friend or family member, by withdrawing from her emotional world, we also allow her to learn to think independently and pursue her own love and life according to her own ideas.

We also learned in the process that even good friends may have different values in a relationship, which is really interesting!

This is a great way to understand ourselves better and learn about our own values!

As friends, maintaining a certain boundary is also great for the relationship! It helps you avoid over-consuming yourself.

[About boundaries]

We've realized that subconsciously, we don't like what she said. This is also an emotional reminder that perhaps your relationship needs some distance, which is an exciting opportunity for growth!

For example,

She asks you out on a date at the last minute when she and her boyfriend can't go. You feel that this is very disrespectful, so will you refuse? Or will you meet her with your emotions? Either way, you're in control!

The great thing is, we can choose our own lives!

For example, if a friend feels guilty for not buying a cake, it could be that the other person is in a relationship and has neglected the friend!

You are a very perceptive person, and I absolutely agree with you!

It is so rewarding when you can be honest with your best friend and tell them that what you care about in a best friend is the heart and the friendship!

You are an amazingly honest person, and there are so many incredible advantages to being sensitive! The main thing is to take care of yourself. If we do what we love and get along with ourselves, we will also get along with our friends!

Absolutely! We have to trust. Good friends stand the test of time, but you also have to trust your own feelings.

Do we perhaps care too much about our friends? Absolutely not! We care about our friends so much that we want to make sure they're happy.

We distinguish between our own things, emotions, and those of others so that we can live happily—and we can!

I'm so excited to recommend these two books! "Self-Boundaries" and "High Sensitivity is a Gift" are both amazing reads.

Happy birthday!

Firstly, I empathise with your situation. At some point in life, we find ourselves with differing interests and values from our friends.

It is natural to seek out more meaningful pursuits and to look for individuals who can provide support and understanding. This is a common experience that many people encounter at some point in their lives.

However, in the process, we may encounter challenges in how to manage these relationships. Your friend appears to be entrenched in the initial phase of engaging in idle chatter and discussing romantic interests, whereas you have already initiated a shift towards pursuing more meaningful pursuits.

This has resulted in a divergence of interests and topics between you. This is not inherently problematic, but if not managed effectively, it can lead to awkwardness and distance in your relationship.

My advice is to communicate with your friend. Provide her with information about your interests and your current change of heart. Also, indicate that you are interested in pursuing more meaningful activities, such as visiting museums or volunteering.

Additionally, it would be beneficial to ascertain her interests and ascertain whether you can participate in them. This will help you to identify common ground and build a deeper relationship.

Additionally, you stated that your friends frequently bring up relationship issues, and that you are not inclined to engage in these discussions. This is a common challenge.

I recommend that you share your thoughts with her and attempt to clarify your stance on the matter. It may be possible to identify common ground or at least respect each other's opinions.

In conclusion, your handling of the situation regarding the cake was commendable. It is of the utmost importance to communicate your thoughts and feelings in an open and honest manner.

If there is something you do not like, it is best to tell her your thoughts in an honest manner. You could also try to explain what you really need, such as doing an activity you enjoy together instead of cake.

This approach allows for more effective communication and prevents the unnecessary acceptance of well-intentioned but unnecessary actions.

It will require time and effort to maintain your relationship with your colleague. Here are some suggestions that may prove helpful:

1. Identify shared interests: While your friend and you may have differing interests, attempt to identify those that you both have in common. For instance, you could extend an invitation to her to participate in an activity that piques your interest, or embark on a new endeavor together and ascertain areas of mutual interest.

2. Respect each other's differences. It is to be expected that individuals will have their own unique interests and opinions. It is therefore important to make an effort to understand and respect the views and topics of interest of your colleagues, even if they do not align with your own.

This will assist in maintaining a cordial relationship and fostering deeper mutual understanding.

3. Communicate openly: If you feel uncomfortable with a colleague, the best way to deal with it is to communicate openly with them. Choose the right time and way to tell them what you think and feel.

It is important to express your appreciation for the friendship and to explore ways to maintain a comfortable and respectful relationship.

4. Set Personal Boundaries: If you find yourself becoming fatigued or if you feel that a colleague is behaving in a way that is disrespectful to you, you have the right to set some personal boundaries. Stand by your principles and values and do not be forced to accept things you do not want to.

It is essential to safeguard your feelings and requirements.

5. Develop a support system: In addition to this individual, it is also advisable to identify other individuals with whom you can share your interests and thoughts. Consider joining interest groups, social activities, or online communities to connect with individuals who share similar interests and perspectives.

This will provide you with additional avenues for connecting with individuals who share your interests, while also reducing your reliance on the friendship.

It is important to note that maintaining and developing a friendship requires the efforts of both parties. However, it is also essential to recognize that disagreements and problems are inevitable in any friendship.

It is important to maintain an open mind when facing challenges and to seek solutions. I hope the above suggestions will be helpful to you, and I wish you a happy life and healthy friendships.

In conclusion, effective management of relationships with friends necessitates patience and effort. While individuals possess unique interests and values, mutual understanding and support are essential for developing stronger relationships.

Dear Questioner, My name is Peilv.

If I may, I would like to offer you a hug.

Interpersonal relationships

——Data interpretation——

The questioner describes how they gradually drifted apart from their best friend. The two used to be inseparable, sharing the same interests and being able to chat about them. Later, they realized that when they were together, all they did was listen to her recount the ups and downs of her relationship with her boyfriend. At first, they would try to offer advice, but after a while, they became impatient. During this time, you felt that you had different values regarding relationships with men and women. Many things made you feel that there was nothing you could do. This kind of relationship made you feel very tired, anxious, and drained, and you didn't know what to do.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following reasons for this change in dynamics.

Perhaps there are some differences in our interests and priorities.

"I think my mentality has shifted somewhat recently. Over the past few years, I have gradually started to focus less on gossip and more on other things in life.

In recent years, there has been a shift in your mentality and needs, which has not been met with the same level of interest from her. This has led to a natural decline in interaction between you, with your friendship being sustained by shared interests and topics. You have mentioned that she places a high value on love and often discusses her relationship with her boyfriend. However, your views on this differ, and it seems that neither of you is able to fully convince the other. This has led to a sense of powerlessness, and you have noticed a gradual decline in your desire to spend time with her.

You would like to enjoy a relaxed and happy friendship, but you often find yourself with a negative energy level when you are with her, which leaves you feeling exhausted.

Perhaps you feel unappreciated.

"I felt a bit disrespected when she asked me out on a date at the last minute because her boyfriend couldn't go. I had been hoping to go out with her for a while, so it was a bit disappointing." "I was a bit surprised when she didn't buy me a cake last year, as my other friends did."

You mentioned dating and birthdays. From these two things, it seems that you feel you are not being treated equally in her heart. It appears that her number one priority is her boyfriend, and you come second. It seems that she didn't even get you a cake on your birthday as usual. You feel a bit aggrieved and think you are not being taken seriously. She wants to make up for the regret on Valentine's Day and express her apologies, but this way of apologizing is not quite what you had in mind. You feel a bit disrespected and a little indignant.

If I might offer you some personal advice, I would say that…

It would be beneficial to strive for mutual understanding.

It can be challenging to find a true friend in life. It's natural that there will be differences and occasional disagreements when spending time with friends. Over time and distance, these differences can sometimes lead to a gradual change in the nature of the friendship. Friendships thrive not only because they share common interests, hobbies, or topics, but also because they respect, understand, and tolerate each other.

In your relationship, there may be aspects of her personality or her values that you find challenging to accept. It's natural for misunderstandings and conflicts to arise in any relationship, and if you can try to see things from her perspective, you may find that many things can be interpreted differently from different positions.

It is important to communicate openly.

Nobody is perfect, and even family members have conflicts. It is therefore to be expected that friends from different backgrounds and personalities will have differences of opinion. As the saying goes, "A gentleman is harmonious but not the same." It is perfectly normal to have differences. The key is how we respond correctly and deal with obstacles in interpersonal relationships.

Good friends can share joy and hardship together. When faced with problems, it is important to communicate promptly to clarify misunderstandings, explain the reasons for our words and actions, and learn to express our expectations and needs for each other, in order to deepen the bond between us.

Could I perhaps inquire as to whether...

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.

Hello, thank you for your question. I hope my suggestions will be helpful to you.

I don't think it's that we don't want to remain friends with her, or that she is not a suitable friend. We are just having some difficulties with establishing clear boundaries between us at the moment.

It's important to remember that we all go through different stages in our lives. When we were in primary school and junior high school, we didn't have to worry about whether our best friends would talk about boyfriends when they needed to vent, or whether our friends would have relationship troubles. At that age, we didn't have the experience of encountering such problems ourselves. At most, we would vent about our teachers or complain about our parents, but that was about it. These topics were common among our peers, and everyone was willing to listen and talk about them.

As we reach a certain age, for instance when we enter university or even after we graduate, we may find that some of our peers are in relationships, while others are not, and some are even married. At this time, the topics we discuss may shift.

For instance, those of us who are not in a relationship may still discuss teachers, friends, and even parents. However, for those who are in a relationship, their conversations may revolve around boyfriends and partners. And for those who are married with children, their discussions might encompass mothers-in-law and children.

It is likely that when these three kinds of people encounter one another, they will not see eye to eye. They may even think that the issue you are discussing is inconsequential.

It would be beneficial to explore the changes in our different stages of life, as our priorities naturally shift as we grow and evolve. This is a common and normal occurrence.

In such a situation, it is important to address the issue in a constructive manner. Rather than ignoring it or allowing it to fester, it is advisable to find a suitable time to discuss it together.

For instance, a comparable scenario unfolded between my best friend and me. In the friendship between the three of us, one of the girls fell in love and would frequently engage in lengthy phone conversations with her boyfriend. It's worth noting that she had also been in several relationships previously, and the emotional intensity of being in love often led her to spend a considerable amount of money on her partner. My other best friend and I had gently advised her to reconsider her spending habits, but she continued to do as she pleased.

At a later point, we came to an understanding that it was acceptable to share the occasional experience of being in love, but that it was important to be mindful of how often this occurred.

Perhaps it would be best to avoid discussing this topic further, as it is not something we are interested in. It is possible that if we were interested, something would have happened by now.

It's important to remember that we're all part of the same family, and we should treat each other with respect and understanding. If someone from our family were to witness the kind of behaviour you've described, it would undoubtedly make us feel uncomfortable. We'd probably have a strong prejudice against that boy, even if they did become a couple one day.

Or as the saying goes, "What happens in bed stays in bed." As a wife or girlfriend, you may be inclined to forgive him for some of his faults because of your love for each other or because you spend so much time together. However, as best friends, we should be mindful not to allow him to bully you. If he does something wrong to you, we should consider whether we can forgive him.

From each person's perspective, there is little need to understand what the girlfriend's boyfriend and the girlfriend's relationship is like. Of course, some simple gossip or confiding is still normal, but perhaps it would be beneficial to avoid excessive discussions on the topic. For example, if we meet up ten times and talk about boyfriends nine times, it might be helpful to consider whether this is an excessive amount of focus on the topic.

Perhaps we could consider the issue of excessive quantity or frequency of communication between you and your friends.

For instance, if we feel annoyed, we could say something like, "I'm sorry, but I feel like you talk about your boyfriend a bit too much. I'd prefer not to hear about him so much, and I'm not sure I like him." Then, we could talk about something else that we haven't talked about in a while that we're both interested in, like which celebrity has the latest gossip.

And so on. It might be helpful to keep this in mind, as we all have different levels of enthusiasm for sharing our stories and may not always be aware of the impact our words can have on others.

I believe this will lead us to another question.

There are two potential outcomes to our direct expression or refusal to listen.

One result may be that the other person realizes that they have indeed crossed a boundary and talks more.

It's also possible that the other person may misunderstand and think that we don't care about them. They might believe that their concept of friendship is that their friends and besties should just listen to all their complaints or emotional expressions, which could lead to them becoming hostile towards us and feeling that we are not worthy of being their friends.

I believe the former outcome is definitely good. We will work together to adapt to our different ways of making friends at different ages, and even to the changes in our different life trajectories.

This leads us to the conclusion that we should perhaps consider modifying our own views on friendship. It is clear that everyone has a different definition of friendship.

For instance, my friends and I—all three girls—share a similar understanding of friendship. We believe that while friends can confide in each other, they should also know when to stop. They should not bother each other too much and maintain respect. Even when they confide in each other and listen to each other, they should give each other emotional feedback. It is not just one person confiding and expressing themselves. They should definitely have a sense of boundaries. With such a common goal, they can agree. This is what I call having like-minded friends.

If, after expressing ourselves through confiding, we find that our current friends do not share this understanding and we cannot get along, then we have the option to either end the relationship or to move from the position of best friend to that of good friend, or from the position of good friend to that of friend. It is just that the relationship may not be as strong as it once was.

It is inevitable that we will experience sadness when a close friendship comes to an end. After all, a best friend is someone with whom we share a very intimate relationship. However, it is important to remember that these stages are part of life, just as we experienced them when we were in primary school and junior high school. In hindsight, we may not keep in touch with our friends from those days, but that does not diminish the value of the relationships we had.

It might be helpful to view the situation as a kind of growth experience. As we grow up, we naturally lose things. However, this process also allows us to meet new friends. Therefore, there is no need to worry. Our loss of this friend does not mean that we have lost our ability to form new friendships. We can still expand our social circle and make new good friends.

Perhaps it would be helpful to view this from a different perspective. It's not that we have a problem ourselves, and it's not that our friends have a problem. It's just that we've both grown up and reached different stages in our lives, with different life goals or stage goals. There's no right or wrong in these goals, but we may have reached different stages. At times like this, it might be beneficial to work through and adjust and change for each other.

If we can find a suitable balance again, that would be ideal. However, if that's not possible, it's important to address the issue in a gentle and constructive manner. I believe that the previous four years of friendship must have brought immense joy, and the emotional value of that friendship is invaluable. It's essential to cherish the happiness and the relationship.

I hope that through continuous self-reflection and adjustment, you can find a new point of support and make your friendship more sustainable and fulfilling.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing now, but I'm here to help! Hugs to you!

You and she were classmates in college, and you gradually started hanging out together more often, which was great!

Then, something amazing happens! You notice that you've become a little impatient with her lately.

It could be that every time you hang out with her, she's the one doing all the complaining. It's as if she's using you as an "emotion bin," which is a great opportunity for you to step in and take the lead!

So you can think about it: if you continue to spend time with her, is there a possibility that it will be more of a mental drain?

If that's the case, then I wholeheartedly suggest you keep some distance from her.

That's why it's so important to feel comfortable when we spend time with friends!

If you feel uncomfortable, it might be time to rethink your friendship. Is it still right for you?

The great thing is, we can have friends at every stage of our lives!

Just because you had a blast with your university classmates doesn't mean they're still the perfect people for you now.

I once read this: Our lives are like a train in motion. Even if we are on the same train at the beginning, we may not be able to ride it to the end. But that's okay! There are so many possibilities and adventures out there to explore.

You can also tell her your current thoughts about your classmates in college and see if she can change herself. It's a great idea!

It's also possible that you've told her, but she's still doing her own thing.

Who knows—maybe you'll even lose contact with this university classmate, and that'll be a good thing for both of you!

I really, really hope that you can solve your problem soon!

Now, all I can think of is the above!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the answerer, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you! Best wishes!

I'm so excited to see what happens next!

Hello! I give you a hug.

You're sentimental and want to stay friends with your college classmates. But you and they have different ideas, so you want to distance yourself.

Is this your problem?

Life is a journey. We meet many people along the way. Some stick around, some don't.

It's normal for friends to drift apart because everyone has different experiences. People who used to be close drift apart, and those who have drifted apart are no longer a good match.

You and your college classmates were all students at school, living in the same environment and focusing on the same things. It was easy to find common ground. But after graduation, the work environment has changed. You have different careers, meet different people, and have different plans for the future. There are fewer common topics, and it is only natural that there will be disagreements. You will gradually become estranged.

Think about it. How many of your best friends from junior high and high school do you still keep in touch with? You can reminisce, but you don't have much in common.

I forget which celebrity told his son that friends come and go. This is not to say that you should cut off ties with old friends. Friends are people who can provide value. If they cannot provide value, they will naturally fade away.

We choose friends, and friends choose us.

We can have different friends to meet different needs. Some are good for drinking and dining, some for discussing topics, and some for teaching. Don't depend on one friend for everything.

If you get bored of your friends, my advice is to gradually distance yourself from them. Just say no to their invitations to hang out. If you don't share the same values, don't force yourself to be with them.

You can find other people to play with. One person can take you to the museum, while someone else can take you to the bookstore.

Don't be afraid to offend people. It's better than internal conflict. Most friends can only keep you company for a while.

I'm often depressed and optimistic. Sometimes I go to a counselor. I love the world.

Happy New Year, questioner!

From what you've shared, it seems like your relationship with your friend might be affecting your daily life. It's important to remember that feeling annoyed with a friend doesn't necessarily mean there's a psychological problem. This feeling could be temporary and caused by stress in your daily life, fatigue, or minor friction in your interpersonal interactions.

It might be helpful to consider whether there is an ongoing conflict or misunderstanding between you and your friend that could be contributing to your feelings of irritation and alienation.

It might be the case that your friend's behavior is encroaching on your personal space or boundaries, which could be causing you some distress.

It's possible that you have different opinions, or that their behavior has made you feel a bit uncomfortable. It might also be that you've been under a lot of stress recently and are not in the best mood, which could mean that you're not as tolerant of your friend as you usually are.

From your description, it seems that the relationship between friends may have changed over time. It's possible that differences in personality, conflicts over values, or unmet expectations may have contributed to your irritation.

It's possible that your friend's negative emotions or behaviors have affected you. As we grow and change over time, it's also possible that you and your friend may no longer be at the same stage in life or share the same interests and goals, which could potentially lead to a weakening of your bond.

If you find yourself feeling irritated with your friends, you might like to consider trying a few behavior optimizations:

Perhaps it would be helpful to take some time to think about the source of your feelings. Is there a specific event or behavior that tends to trigger your irritation? Is it because of the actions or words of your friend that make you feel dissatisfied, or is it because of a change in your own emotions or life situation?

If you feel that being with your friends makes you irritable, you might consider temporarily distancing yourself from them. This could help you calm down and give you time to think about how to handle the situation.

If certain behaviors of your friend make you feel uncomfortable, you may wish to consider setting some boundaries.

The longevity of a friendship is dependent on a number of factors, including personality, values, life experiences, and social environment. If both parties are willing to invest effort into the friendship and maintain open communication and interaction, there is a greater likelihood of a long-lasting bond.

It would be beneficial to respect your own feelings and needs while also respecting those of your friends. This can help to improve your emotional state and maintain a healthy friendship.

I hope the world treats you well today, and I wish you a lovely day!

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

"Is it my problem if I annoy my friends?" We'll look at this question and try to find a solution.

The questioner says, "I've changed my mentality. I've stopped focusing on gossip and love affairs."

Our focus has shifted recently. We've changed. We're not sure why, but we know we have. Our friends may not know about this change. They may still think we're focused on gossip and love.

This leads to a misalignment of needs. You are no longer interested in what I tell you, but I still discuss topics with you that I think we are both interested in. The result is that the one who hasn't changed is happy, but the one who has changed will feel bored. As for the feelings that the other person's words and deeds bring to you, we may find that the other person is simply doing what they think we need.

We don't need or want to continue like this. We want to live happily.

We all have the right to be ourselves. We can reasonably express our needs and demands. This requires us to take the initiative to change and establish boundaries. When we don't want to listen, we can express our feelings or refuse the request. We can accept the emotional value of others and affirm them, but we can refuse their behavior.

People can change. Sometimes we change, but the other person stays the same. We need to decide whether to help the other person or let them figure things out on their own. We can either stick with the other person or find new friends. We need to think about sharing our thoughts with the other person, listening to them, and giving them time to decide.

Dear questioner, My name is Duoduo Lian, and it is my hope that my reply will prove beneficial to you.

It can be reasonably assumed that you have spent a considerable amount of time in the company of your university classmates over the past four years. It is also likely that you enjoy spending time with friends. When I spend time with friends, I am drawn to activities that facilitate relaxation, such as exploring new shopping venues or visiting museums.

Given the substantial support you have previously extended to your friend, the current situation has understandably resulted in a certain degree of fatigue. There is a notable discrepancy between your and your friend's values regarding the relationship between men and women. On multiple occasions, your friend has prioritized her boyfriend over you, a decision that has caused you considerable distress.

Your friend is aware that their actions were inappropriate and has attempted to rectify the situation by ordering a cake for Valentine's Day. However, you feel that this gesture does not bring you happiness, but rather causes you discomfort. You are reluctant to force yourself to accept this uncomfortable situation, as it seems to be placing undue pressure on you. Accepting this gesture would require you to accept your friend's kindness, which you are unwilling to do.

It appears that past experiences have caused you distress, which you have internalized. Now is an optimal time to express these feelings. Eventually, your grievances will manifest, and this is the ideal moment to do so. Friends serve as mirrors, enabling self-awareness. Happiness is a crucial aspect of well-being.

You derive pleasure from the sensation of being virtuous, eschew the internal strife that accompanies inner conflicts, curtail superfluous social interactions, accord less significance to the opinions of others, prioritize your own sentiments, refrain from accommodating the needs of others, and embrace your authentic self.

Individuals develop and advance through a process of trial and error. Without the experience of failure, there is no opportunity for success. It is essential to walk your own path and allow others to express their opinions. You are also testing your friends, and your friends are also changing, hoping to revert to a previous state. Do you recognize this phenomenon?

When one loves oneself, the world will reciprocate that love. It is important to accept that one cannot do so right now; there is no right or wrong. One's feelings are of paramount importance, and one deserves a good life.

I extend my sincerest condolences.

Dear Question Owner,

Your college friend ordered you a cake on Valentine's Day, citing your failure to order one for your birthday the previous year. This rationale is, at best, superfluous and, at worst, ill-considered. You have also indicated that your birthday occurred several months ago and that another will not occur for several more months. Why not make it a point to celebrate this year? I am of the opinion that your friend's actions are causing you undue distress. I empathize with your current feelings and recognize the internal conflict you experience when you are alone. These past two days have been particularly challenging.

Furthermore, you considered how to maintain a harmonious relationship with this friend in the future. You analyzed the dynamics of your friendship and identified discrepancies in your interpersonal styles.

I must admit that I have a great deal of admiration for you. During my time at university, I was fortunate enough to make a number of friends with whom I enjoyed excellent relations. We spent a great deal of time together, engaging in conversation and sharing our thoughts on a range of topics, including romantic relationships. It was a truly joyous period in my life. I have also observed a gradual transformation in you. You have discovered new interests and activities, and you value the opportunity to relax with friends and engage with social media. I believe you have much to offer and am impressed by your abilities.

The issues you have identified are valid and well-founded. It appears that your friend is exploiting your friendship for her own benefit. When her plans with her boyfriend are unsuccessful, she makes casual arrangements to spend time with you. Additionally, she frequently expresses her frustrations about her boyfriend to you. While this is acceptable on an occasional basis, its recurrence makes it challenging for us to maintain a positive relationship. We are not inclined to continue engaging with someone who behaves in this manner. It is my recommendation that you follow your instincts and directly reject his advances. Additionally, you should ignore his communications.

I am aware that you are a benevolent individual who considers the emotional well-being of others. Otherwise, you would not have persisted in offering guidance on how to maintain a harmonious relationship with your boyfriend. You have been grappling with the question of how to preserve your friendship with him in the future.

It would be unwise to reject him outright; however, we must also consider our own feelings. For example, your reply to him about the cake was brief and without emotion, simply stating "thank you." This is an effective reply that does not directly reject him or blame him for ordering the cake. It is an appropriate response, and I commend you for your handling of the situation.

There is no issue with consuming food. I comprehend your perspective. It would be remiss of me not to mention that there are still friends. You are at liberty to invite your friends over tomorrow and share a meal together. You are also at liberty to invite your most favoured friends and spend a different Valentine's Day with them.

In the future, when you get along with this friend, you should separate your issues. Adler posited that life is about three things: one is God's business, one is your own business, and one is other people's business. As we cannot control God's business, we should leave it to God. Similarly, we cannot control other people's business, so we should leave it to them. We can only control our own business. Therefore, for people and things we do not like, we should act in accordance with our own desires. Our friends will not understand our actions the first, second, or even third time. We are meant to take different paths in life and see different scenery. However, when we take a different path from our friends, we will see different scenery and encounter different people and things in the future.

One should simply follow one's heart and get along with one's friends. In the future, if one has similar interests and hobbies, one can engage in activities together, such as visiting museums, which one enjoys, as previously mentioned. If one can identify numerous shared interests with this friend, then one should proceed accordingly. If one cannot, then one should simply act in accordance with one's own feelings. Prioritizing self-love is of paramount importance. One's spare time is limited, and it is crucial to utilize it effectively.

It is my contention that these interpersonal issues can be resolved through the application of your own cognitive abilities. The realization of growth is contingent upon the resolution of these problems. In the near future, you will experience accelerated growth.

It is my sincere hope that your every wish will be granted, and that the world and I will be able to show our love for you.

Good day. I am a heart exploration coach. Life is a beautiful journey, not for appreciation, but for blossoming.

The friendship you formed in college after four years of studying, playing, sharing, and complaining together has changed as your work and life situations have changed. However, your friends are still "standing still" in the same place, and you feel that you are no longer on the same wavelength, lack a common language, and are not as compatible as before.

Additionally, friendships are categorized, and advancements are made in social networks.

From childhood to adulthood, we have had many friends. However, it seems that after high school, we have become less connected to our friends from primary school and junior high school. Similarly, after we start working, we rarely get in touch with our university classmates. Why is that?

As the adage goes, "A close neighbor is better than a distant relative." It is essential for individuals to interact with each other on a regular basis to foster the opportunity to build stronger connections.

When you were students, you had a high level of contact with each other. However, after graduation and starting work, you became busy with your own lives, and your focus and priorities changed.

Even if you remain in contact, you are more likely to reminisce about the past and discuss future plans. You may perceive a shift in the strength of your relationship, but this is not necessarily the case. It is likely that your social circle has evolved, and the level of shared present experiences has diminished or ceased to exist.

At different stages of life, individuals have different friends who provide support and assistance. By valuing each other and working together, individuals can achieve more.

Over time, you will come to recognize that there are individuals in your life who enhance your growth and development, while others may hinder it. The process of interpersonal interaction is also a continuous process of evaluating and optimizing your social circles.

2. Accepting different existences and achieving self-breakthrough

In reflecting on your college experience, you likely have numerous shared memories. As you mentioned, when you were together, you enjoyed discussing topics such as love and gossip because they were subjects you could both relate to.

Individuals inevitably undergo personal growth and evolve their understanding and perspectives on people and matters. Your development is evident in your ability to discern your goals and chart a more defined course, free from the time-wasting activities of daydreaming, idle chatter, and complaining.

The individual in question has not changed, yet her behavior has. She still behaves in a familiar, warm manner, but there is an underlying hope that she will change and grow.

It is important to recognise that individuals may adopt different roles in different contexts. While she may present herself as your friend in your personal interactions, she may behave differently in professional or other settings.

When she vents, you can simply listen attentively and provide a supportive, non-judgmental ear. You can create a sense of comfort and understanding, akin to finding a safe, welcoming space. We often try to influence or control the behavior of others, which can lead to frustration and conflict.

This is why it causes issues and conflict. You are progressing, but your colleague is still the same as she was four years ago. She does not require advice or opinions, but rather someone who truly understands and accepts her.

From this perspective, your role is significant. Rather than attempting to change others, it is more productive to focus on your own development.

Modify your approach to interacting with her, refrain from making judgments about her, and reestablish the quality of friendship you shared in your school days.

"It turns out that understanding is more important than love." It is important to understand others, to be understood by others, and to understand yourself. I hope you can experience these three points in your time with this friend.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, The World

Should you wish to continue the discussion, you are invited to follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, I'm Coach Yu from Xin Tan. I'd like to talk about this topic with you.

You and she used to hang out a lot because you were curious about each other and wanted to see what it would be like to be friends. You both entered each other's friend circles.

Everyone has close friends and casual friends. There are also friends at the next ring, and so on. If you want a friendship to become close, you need to have things in common.

As the questioner wrote, I feel my attitude has changed. I've shifted my focus from gossip to things I like doing.

What are the differences between her interests and mine? What are the differences in our values?

Let's talk about boundaries. We can't accept everything about our friends. We have to accept the parts of them that make us comfortable. We can't expect our friends to do everything we want. We have to find a way to get along.

We are more like a self-centered ring that spreads outward, overlapping with different people. The differences between people determine the different parts we have with each friend. The relationship between true friends needs to be based on mutual understanding, respect, support, and trust.

The questioner wrote that she always complains to me. I give her comfort, but I feel tired.

How do I feel when she vents to me?

Did you feel offended?

What were my feelings when she ordered a cake for Valentine's Day? Did I feel offended?

Write about how you feel. This will help us understand why we feel this way and what we can do about it.

We can open our hearts and adjust our mood. We can try to have an honest conversation with her. We can talk about our feelings, express our discomfort, and tell her what we hope she will do in the future. We can also listen to how she feels about spending time with us. If our friend accepts this, we can still be friends. If our friend is unable to understand this, we won't force the issue.

Honest communication with friends helps us release emotions, understand each other, and make choices.

If you need help, find someone you trust to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor.

We must respect our friend's habits. When we see the truth, we will unload our heavy burdens, release our tight hearts, and believe that we always have the right to choose.

Recommended book: "Low Self-Esteem and Transcendence"

Hello, Questioner! I'm Evan, a consultant in the School of Fine Distinctions.

From what you've told me, I can see that you care a lot about your friendship and are a little confused about it. We all have different needs when it comes to friendship. As we grow up and change, our interests and needs change too, which can sometimes lead to difficulties in close relationships.

It's so important to be honest with yourself about how you're feeling and to take steps to keep your emotional health in good shape.

Indeed, getting along with friends requires mutual respect and an understanding of each other's feelings and needs. When the questioner feels that their values and interests are drifting further and further away from those of their friends, it can be exhausting and confusing. It's important to remember that you are not obliged to meet every need of your friends, especially when these needs begin to affect your emotions and daily life.

It's so important to remember that the questioner has the right to set boundaries and tell your friend what areas you are willing to provide support in and what areas the questioner needs to reserve for themselves.

Communication is so important in any relationship! You can have a calm, honest conversation with your friend at a good time to talk about your feelings and concerns.

Let her know that you've noticed some changes in your interests and values and that you'd love for your relationship to grow and adapt to these changes together. You can make specific suggestions, such as trying new activities together or setting up a more equal way of communicating.

Let her know that you'd love to be more involved in activities you both enjoy, rather than just listening to her complain about her life. At the same time, you could also gently tell her that you don't like being asked out at the last minute, as it makes you feel disrespected.

Through open and honest communication, she may gain a deeper understanding of the feelings of the questioner and be inspired to make positive changes in her behavior.

No matter what happens in this friendship, it's so important to respect each other. We all have different opinions and ways of doing things, and that's totally okay! It's still so important to respect each other's feelings and needs.

Oh, you might be going through some tough times or facing some challenges that could really benefit from the support and understanding of the questioner. The questioner can try to listen to her in a more tolerant and understanding manner, even if you disagree with her.

In friendships, it's also important to take responsibility for your own feelings and actions. If a friend's behavior makes you feel uncomfortable, you have every right to say no.

For instance, if she asks you out at the last minute and you don't like this disrespectful way of doing things, you can let her know that you'd prefer to be given more notice, or you can simply say no, no thank you! The important thing is that you can talk with your friend to see what kind of way of getting along can make everyone feel comfortable.

It's totally okay to feel like you need to face the development of your friendship at different stages. Everyone has the right to choose their own lifestyle and friends.

If you're starting to feel like this friendship is a bit of a burden, it's also really important to make time for yourself and do things you enjoy. After all, true friendships are built on mutual respect and understanding.

Friendship also has its own special rules, like the golden rule of friendship and the anti-golden rule of friendship.

The author's reaction to the Valentine's Day cake mentioned in the text is totally normal! If the author doesn't need this kindness or doesn't think it's meaningful, then you have every right to express your feelings.

You can also let your friend know that you really appreciate her thoughtfulness, but that you don't celebrate Valentine's Day or feel it's the right time to receive this gift.

If you're feeling tired and uncomfortable because of this friend, it might be time to make some new friends! It's okay to want to connect with people who are more compatible with you. This doesn't mean you have to completely stop being friends with this person, but it might help to try to expand your social circle.

It's totally normal to feel distressed by a relationship. Take a deep breath and try to calm down. You might find that you're able to see things differently and that you'll be able to move on from this relationship and find the one you truly want.

I just wanted to remind the poster that getting along with friends takes a little effort and commitment from both sides. But it can be tough to ask others to respond in the way we want. We all express ourselves in different ways. The important thing is that we can stay away from relationships and people who make us feel uncomfortable.

I'd love to share some book recommendations with you!

I'd like to suggest we read Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most.

I'd also like to suggest "The Female Friendship Book: The Secret to Deep and Lasting Relationships."

I really hope my answer helps the person who asked the question.

Hello,

You don't want to be friends with her.

But you had fun together.

You have different values and ways of thinking. You may only be playmates, not friends.

She won't listen. You don't like how she handles problems. You feel that talking won't help.

You don't feel respected.

You're not her priority.

She only called when she couldn't go out with her boyfriend.

She forgot your birthday. You remember it.

She always takes it out on you.

She values herself most.

Everyone else is a supporting role.

If you don't want to be her support, she may vent at you.

She feels she's very good and narcissistic.

She gave you a cake, which she thought was a great idea, but you felt uncomfortable and unappreciated. She gave you a birthday cake on Valentine's Day.

People who complain a lot.

and blame others.

They don't think about how they can improve.

Complain about life, work, and boyfriends.

They think others are always wrong.

Complaining is low energy. Being around her lowers your energy and makes you negative. Stay away.

I hope you make friends and have a great life!