Have you ever fallen in love with someone because you felt sympathy and pity for their situation?

Hello.

You say this is normal, but you're also worried. Understandable.

"Feeling sympathy for someone's suffering is a feeling that lasts for hours." The questioner has a sense of empathy for others. This is a gift-like ability.

Empathy has likely been aroused, and what happened to the narrator has stimulated your inner feelings about your own life experiences. Part of your heartache is also directed towards yourself.

The recommended reading for this part of the situation is "The Power of Empathy."

It is a fact that women have more oxytocin in their brains, which makes them more likely to be judged by the brain as "Do I like this person?" when they feel sympathy for the opposite sex.

Read "24 Hours in the Life of a Woman" by Stefan Zweig. This is the recommended reading based on this part of the situation.

From the book, you will feel seen, understood, and accepted.

"Unthinking liking" is a self-deprecating term that strikes too hard at oneself, so it needs to be revised.

We don't need to take responsibility for spreading these words to ourselves. They usually come from the casual remarks of others in social life.

Now, let's take a step back and see what happens after we disparage ourselves.

You will feel scared and think it will have bad consequences. This is your mind playing tricks on you.

When assessing the risks in life, you must first assess your level of self-acceptance. You must adhere to your principles and maintain your defenses.

You can adjust it. Simply adjust it to neutral words. This also helps boost self-confidence.

Loving yourself means being self-aware and not using derogatory words about yourself. Don't draw conclusions, express your feelings. Feel what you feel.

You will discover the power of growth while constantly mastering the words to express your feelings.

Best wishes!

Good morning,

Host:

My name is Zeng Chen, and I am a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post and believe that the author is confused about himself. I also note that the author has courageously confronted his inner self and sought assistance on this platform, which will undoubtedly help him gain a deeper understanding of himself and make necessary adjustments.

I will now share my observations and reflections from the original post, which may assist the original poster in viewing themselves from a more diverse perspective.

1. Identify the advantages of this course of action.

As noted in the original post, the development of a positive sentiment towards another individual may be influenced by feelings of sympathy and pity towards their circumstances. It is important to recognise that the level of familiarity between the two parties may be limited. Following the disclosure of personal information by the other person, a sense of distress may be experienced for an extended period. This is then followed by an urge to establish a close connection with the other person, often leading to impulsive actions. This can be described as a form of mindless liking.

From this information, it is evident that the host possesses an exceptional capacity for self-perception, a quality that is often lacking in many individuals. I believe that this ability to perceive can assist in more accurately understanding one's own self.

Let us now examine the underlying reasons for these feelings. We can posit that our objective is to establish proximity and express deep concern for one another. In light of this, what actions might we take on behalf of each other at this juncture?

Please describe the feelings you experience when you engage in this activity. This kind of association may help us explore our needs.

Many individuals are capable of empathizing with the challenges faced by others and are driven to provide assistance. This is because they recognize the needs of others and seek to fulfill those needs by offering support. In doing so, they also experience a sense of being needed, which can be a powerful motivator.

This feeling may provide her with a sense of worth. It should be noted that different individuals may have varying perceptions, but the poster may benefit from exploring this avenue further.

It would be beneficial to explore some of the advantages of pursuing this course of action for yourself, as they may be obscured by your underlying needs.

2. Identify the reasons behind your desire to be "needed."

I would like to share a story with you. The heroine of this story is…

The men she dates are typically individuals with families. They frequently report that their families are experiencing challenges.

Subsequently, the woman sought counseling. Subsequently, the teacher discovered that she had grown up in a patriarchal family and had been left behind in her hometown at a young age to live with her grandparents, who had treated her very well.

Unfortunately, she passed away at a young age.

Subsequently, she was sent back to her uncle's house. While her uncle was kind to her, her aunt resented her presence.

For her, being needed by others provides a sense of security and value. Additionally, she has developed a keen sensitivity, enabling her to discern and address the needs of others.

At this juncture, the men in these families required reassurance and understanding.

She believes that her presence is required, which leads her to believe that this is love. As a result, she is trapped in this cycle.

However, need is not love. I share this story in the hope that it will provide inspiration for you to explore the deeper reasons for your own behavior.

Is it related to personal growth and early experiences? Are there any beliefs that need to be revised?

3. Learn to distinguish between issues.

The separation of issues is the process of distinguishing between what is our own business and what is other people's business. It is also the process of distinguishing between our own emotions and other people's emotions.

It is essential that we take responsibility for our own lives, emotions, and needs. Similarly, others must also take responsibility for other people's lives, emotions, and needs.

If we assume too much responsibility for others, we may impede their ability to learn and grow from their experiences.

It is therefore important to be able to distinguish between other people's emotions and our own. We should also be able to distinguish between pity and compassion, which are not the same as love.

I hope these words have been of some help and inspiration to you.

Hello, question asker! It's like seeing you in person.

From what you've told me, I can really see how much you care about this person. I can also see how, because relationships can be so different from person to person, you might fall in love with this person because you feel sorry for them. But it's really important to think about what kind of love this is.

You said, "After the other person told me what had happened to them, I felt heartache for hours." I can imagine how you must have felt! It's worth thinking about the perspective: what kind of encounter did the other person tell you about that made you feel heartache?

Then you say, "Suddenly I found myself unable to wait to get close to the other person and do impulsive things." So what is the "driving force" that pushes you to show this state of "unable to wait to get close to the other person" in front of the other person?

And then you said, "In a rational state, all of the other person's circumstances have never been part of my criteria for choosing a partner." This is a great place to start thinking! What are your own criteria for choosing a partner in a rational state?

As for whether this is "unthinking like," it really depends on whether you can think about the above questions and give yourself a clear answer. I really hope the above train of thought can give you some inspiration to solve this confusion.

I just wanted to share a quote with you that I think you'll really like: "People are never a 'problem.' The problem itself is the problem. We are individuals who are independent of the problem, facing and solving the problem."

Don't be afraid, dear. This kind of situation is quite common. You know that impulsive actions can lead to unpredictable results, so when this kind of situation happens to you, come to the platform for help. This is a great way to take care of yourself and love yourself.

I'll give you a warm hug right now!

And remember, my dear friend, take care of yourself!

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

After reading the question and the problem, I'd love to ask you something! Is this situation specific to one person, or do you feel this way when you encounter a similar situation?

The questioner doesn't know the other person well, and doesn't even understand the other person. But after listening to the other person's experience, the initial sympathy will turn into a feeling of liking or falling in love with the other person after just a few hours! Can the questioner describe what that feeling is like?

Analysis – What is this feeling really like? Let's find out!

As a mother, I love my children with an overwhelming maternal love. When I see a poor child or a child who has been abused by their parents, I feel a deep sadness and a strong desire to help. I want to give that child a hug and show him love and support. I want to be that child's hero!

From the questioner's description, I can see that this feeling is more or less the same. When you hear about someone else's experience, you feel very sympathetic towards them. You may even feel distressed that you can't bear to see someone else in such pain. But you really want to use some of your strength to make the other person feel warmth and love. You want to let them know that they are worthy of love. It's similar to the effect of huddling together for warmth. So this feeling is not really like liking and loving. But it's still a wonderful feeling!

☀️ Method – face your own abilities head-on and embrace them!

The fact that the questioner has such behavior shows that he is a kind person. You can't bear to see others suffer, so when we have limited abilities, helping others does have the opportunity to make them feel warm and thus reduce the impact of their previous experiences on themselves. It's so inspiring to see people like this!

However, if our emotions are too easily affected by the emotions of the other person, then when empathy is too strong, it will make us get caught up in the other person's emotions. This situation is sad and harmful to ourselves. But don't worry! When sympathizing with other people, we simply need to confirm whether we can help the other person with our abilities.

Sometimes, this kind of thing may not have a big impact on the questioner, but if it happens frequently, it will still affect the questioner's normal life. The good news is that there are ways to help yourself if you misunderstand that you like or love someone!

1. Learning: The questioner can dive deep into the world of empathy and sympathy! When they learn in a fragmented way, they may only understand a little. But when they learn in a comprehensive way, it opens up a whole new world of possibilities! In the process of learning, they will become more tolerant and open-minded.

2. Discussion: There are so many amazing communities on the platform nowadays! The questioner can easily find relevant communities to join. When encountering such feelings when someone confides in them, the questioner can discuss more with friends in the group and listen to other people's opinions more, so that their focus will not be only on the other person's experience.

3. Relieve yourself: When such things affect our emotions, they will make us look at things more negatively. But don't worry! After noticing our emotions, we can try some simple and fun methods to restore our mood and look at everything more positively and optimistically. Try exercising, going for a walk, singing, or dancing!

I really hope my answer is helpful to the questioner! Best wishes!

My dear,

The emotion of love often emerges from a place of pity, which is a normal and expected response. Our genetic code is designed to protect those who are vulnerable or disadvantaged, and this is a typical human reaction. However, when this response is so intense that it immediately motivates a commitment to "immediately want to get close to the other person," it can be considered excessive.

When emotions are aroused, particularly when we empathize with the situation of a stranger or when it triggers an impulse, it is probable that our psychological projection mechanism is operating. The suppressed desires and hidden needs from our growth experience have not been met or alleviated. They have not disappeared, but are dormant. In certain circumstances, such as similar situations and the same kind of demands, they stimulate the true existence hidden in our bodies. However, our memory does not retain any traces of them, so when the brain judges them as unfamiliar and the emotions identify similarities, our feelings of excitement and déjà vu are generated.

This kind of aroused emotion is typically more potent when it is expressed openly rather than suppressed. It can be likened to using medicine to combat bacteria. While a temporary success may lead to an increase in our current bacterial resistance, we must then employ stronger antibiotics to suppress it. This mutually reinforcing energy dynamic, coupled with the natural reaction of our inner "compensation mechanism," amplifies the need, creating what you have termed "anxious to get close to the other person." However, this anxiety may stem not from the stranger per se, but from a desire to reconnect with aspects of yourself that have been repressed or isolated.

The individual in question provides the opportunity to return to the past, functioning as a sort of time machine, thus allowing the person to embrace their past self.

A happy childhood can facilitate healing over a lifetime, whereas an unhappy person may be required to dedicate a lifetime to the process of healing their past self.

Dear question asker,

When we hear someone else's story of their own suffering, it can evoke a sense of empathy and closeness.

I'm pleased you didn't leap in without thinking. It's commendable you took the time to recognize the situation within yourself, consider the implications, and ultimately seek assistance.

You may be wondering why you feel this way. It's possible that the other person's circumstances aren't among your criteria for choosing a partner. It seems that it's his misfortune that has touched you, rather than the person himself. It's as if it's not the person himself that makes you feel this way, but his misfortune that makes you feel satisfied.

Could I ask you to consider what it might be inside you that needs to be fulfilled? I wonder if one possibility might be the "savior complex" that we all have in our subconscious.

It might be said that everyone has a subconscious savior complex because we are all born with a need for self-worth, recognition, and to be needed by others.

If we don't get much practice during our development, we might imagine that we have special abilities and can help people out of difficult situations and improve their lives.

This plot is often triggered when someone shares their challenges with us. We may perceive them as needing help and feel compelled to offer it.

In the process of giving him love and comfort, you may find that you feel stronger and more valuable, and experience great inner satisfaction.

When you recognize this, you can more clearly identify the source of your emotions and also see that this may not be the most authentic form of love and affection.

How might one approach this?

First, consider acknowledging your tendency to seek external validation and learning to let it go gradually.

It's important to recognize that this kind of situation is very common, and that there's no need to feel ashamed. However, it's also helpful to be mindful of it and to remind ourselves that there's no external savior. If there is, it's up to us to become our own saviors.

Secondly, it would be beneficial to establish a sense of self-worth.

Everyone needs to feel recognized, but it's not always the best approach to seek this outside of ourselves. We can't control how others perceive us, so it's important to cultivate a sense of self-worth from within, identify our own strengths, and learn to value and appreciate ourselves.

Thirdly, it may be helpful to consider that one person may not be the best way to satisfy your love needs.

It is often the case that loving only one person can feel limiting and narrow-minded. If you are looking to feel more valuable through love, you might like to consider loving more people. This could mean caring for children in orphanages, the elderly in nursing homes, or volunteering to fight the epidemic. This will allow you to share your love and also receive love from others.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I would like to extend my love to the world.