He is incompetent, slow to respond, and always causing trouble. What a loser! What should I do?

Hello!

First of all, I think it is a very powerful ability to recognize your own shortcomings. And the great news is that the shortcomings you recognize are not necessarily your own problem. The low emotional intelligence you mentioned may be caused by your lack of contact with the outside world. But here's the even better news: your emotional intelligence can become higher as you venture out into society!

You mentioned that you're not the fastest learner, but that's not a problem! There are so many ways to pick up new skills. You can search for tips online or ask your seniors for advice. You'll be amazed at how quickly you can learn new things with a little practice!

Second, you feel that all the problems at work are caused by you. This is the most serious problem that is currently plaguing your life, but it is also an opportunity for growth and change! When you were a student, you were criticized by your teachers or parents, and you believed that you were stupid and that your poor academic performance was also due to your stupidity. As a result, you now feel that any problems at work are also your own problems.

I admire you for putting in so much effort at work and trying to improve your interpersonal relationships. But have you ever considered that your mistakes might not be your fault? I think you can try breaking down your current work into small parts and completing them one by one. As you do this, you'll start to feel more confident in your abilities, discover that you're not useless, and make your work more efficient and goal-oriented. You'll also reduce unnecessary energy input!

Finally, I think you are investing too much energy in your work and don't have enough time to release the pressure at work. This is an excellent opportunity for you to consider talking to your colleagues about the division of labor. You could even go as far as to discuss whether you are taking on too much work that doesn't belong to you, so that you can have your own time after work.

It might also be a good idea to think about whether this job is really right for you. Have you considered changing to something you're more interested in? When you feel like you're stuck, try to think about what the specific problem is and what you can do to help solve it. This will help you figure out what to do next and give you a better sense of direction to complete it.

You're such a kind person, aren't you?

The foundation of kindness is the ability to feel the pain of others. Have you noticed that?

You've put so much effort into adapting to your work, and you've been so resilient in the face of criticism. I admire your dedication!

I can see that you've been struggling recently because of this departmental assessment. It's totally understandable to feel like you've let yourself and others down because you feel like you've affected the assessment and it's made things difficult for the department. I know it can feel like all your efforts have been in vain, but I'm here to support you through this.

You've been trying so hard to avoid making mistakes, but have you ever thought that it might be because you're focusing on not making mistakes? For example, don't look up!

Oh, don't look up! Don't look up! Did you look up?

Our subconscious mind only remembers some words and forgets the rest, which is totally normal! You can try asking yourself, "What can I do to avoid making mistakes?"

When you were young, if you didn't try your hardest and work twice as hard as everyone else, you would be at the bottom of the class. But you really work harder than everyone else!

Have you heard the story of Zeng Guofan and the thief? The thief went to his house to steal something, thinking that it would be easier to steal when he was asleep. Imagine his surprise when he found Zeng Guofan still reading after waiting all night!

So the thief recited the book backwards in front of him, joked that Zeng Guofan was a bit of a slowpoke, and then left.

I say this because I think you have the same perseverance as Zeng Guofan, and I truly believe you'll do a fantastic job! You're kind and brave. You're brave because you can face your mistakes head-on and are so strong.

I can tell you really want to do a good job, and I know you're blaming yourself because you want to make up for it.

Good day, I have a question for you.

From your description, I can discern that you have doubts about yourself, but I also perceive a kindness in you. Generally, kind people are reluctant to hurt others and are always looking for ways to improve themselves. You have identified your shortcomings and have the courage to address them. You have been actively seeking solutions to the problem, which is commendable.

From your description, the recent assessment has had a negative impact on the department and exacerbated various uncomfortable feelings. At the same time, it has also brought to the fore feelings that have been present since childhood, which have made you feel even more uncomfortable.

I am intrigued by the resilience that enables you to persevere in the face of adversity, seeking support and insights without succumbing to despair. This capacity is a valuable asset and a key strength.

Indeed, I frequently experience similar sentiments. This may be attributed to the educational background we received within our family of origin and our experiences during our formative years. As you mentioned, you were frequently reprimanded by our mother during your time at home, but you chose to suppress these experiences. This prolonged suppression in our subconscious mind may manifest as discomfort when we encounter similar challenges in the future.

I would like to take this opportunity to reassure you that your situation is not your fault. It is not uncommon for people to experience emotional difficulties. Perfection is unattainable, and self-worth is not determined by external factors. We are all unique.

If a miracle were to occur and your discomfort were to disappear, what would your life situation be like? What steps have you taken to alleviate this discomfort?

What will be different after this feeling has gone? Who will notice the difference?

Without knowing the specifics of your situation, I would like to suggest a course of action that I believe will help you adjust your mindset, regain your confidence, and lead a more carefree life.

Firstly, it is important to avoid self-labelling in a negative manner.

When we believe we are worthless, it is often because we are experiencing negative emotions, which result in us unconsciously labeling ourselves negatively. If you wish to change this, I suggest that when you want to label yourself negatively again, take a deep breath to stop yourself and not pay attention to this negative emotion.

When these thoughts arise, take a moment to pause and refocus your attention. This simple action can help you regain control and move forward.

Secondly, utilize positive mental suggestions.

In life, we will always face challenges. When we are unable to overcome these challenges, we become stuck and unable to progress. This can lead to negative emotions. However, we can use positive mental suggestions to adjust our state of mind. For example, we can give ourselves a pep talk each morning, reminding ourselves of our strengths and abilities. Practice this once in the morning and once in the evening, and you will gradually gain a sense of inner strength.

It is also recommended that you identify an area of interest outside of work which will help to boost your self-confidence.

A sense of failure in life can lead to feelings of worthlessness and a loss of self-confidence. However, these feelings can be offset by pursuing interests that are personally meaningful. When we are engaged in activities that align with our interests, we tend to exhibit increased respect, motivation, and perseverance, which can collectively enhance our self-confidence.

Next, I ask that you believe in yourself.

Many of the problems in life stem from within ourselves. A lack of self-belief can result in a perception that one has achieved little. This may be influenced by the patterns observed in our original families. Without sufficient internal strength, it can be challenging to maintain motivation and determination. Believing in oneself is a key factor in achieving this. It provides the motivation and determination to accomplish tasks. Without self-belief, it can be difficult to maintain motivation and determination.

What is the most effective method for effecting change?

As a final recommendation, it is advisable to seek assistance from external resources.

If you are unable to extricate yourself from your emotions and change them on your own, you should seek assistance from a professional counselor. A counselor will use professional psychological techniques to help you identify and address the root causes of your issues, creating a peaceful environment for you to grow and thrive. Additionally, you can benefit from reading more psychology books and listening to more public welfare courses, which can also provide valuable insights and support.

In conclusion, it is important to recognize that no individual has achieved nothing. Everyone has their own strengths and areas of expertise. It is essential to learn to recognize and appreciate these strengths. For instance, when an individual makes a mistake, they may experience feelings of guilt and embarrassment. This is an opportunity to demonstrate kindness and understanding. Kindness is a valuable asset that enables individuals to interact positively with others. A kind person is unlikely to engage in harmful behaviors or actions.

Do not apply negative labels to yourself. Instead, implement positive mental suggestions to adjust your mentality. Believe that the world is a beautiful place and that you can succeed. Additionally, believe in your abilities. If you cannot solve a problem independently, you can seek assistance from a professional counselor.

Dear Questioner, I am pleased to see that you have requested assistance and would like to discuss the issues you are facing. I hope that we can work together to find solutions that will help you to grow.

In your title, you stated that you consider yourself to be incompetent and slow to respond. I am curious as to what circumstances have led you to view yourself in such a negative manner. Once an individual has been labeled, they will, consciously or unconsciously, seek to identify a correlation between their actions and the label in their daily lives and work.

This inadvertently reinforces the self-label, thus explaining more behaviors that fit the label. It is recommended that you remove the self-label and redefine a brand new self.

Ability and reaction can be enhanced through targeted training. Believe in your ability to effect change.

You have expressed feelings of worthlessness, but I believe this is an inaccurate assessment. Based on your description, I can identify the following strengths:

You demonstrated remarkable courage in approaching the situation with a sense of vulnerability, which required a great deal of fortitude.

You are a highly resilient individual. Despite facing criticism and setbacks at work, you persevere. You work diligently and have not yet given up.

You are able to identify your own shortcomings and take the initiative to remedy them. You are aware that you are prone to making mistakes and therefore ensure that you are extra vigilant to prevent them. You recognise that you learn slowly and therefore invest additional time and effort to ensure you gain the necessary knowledge.

These attributes represent your strengths and provide the foundation for growth and advancement. Let's explore strategies for navigating your current challenges.

It is important to learn to accept yourself.

It is possible that your learning ability is not as rapid as that of others in terms of your reaction to things. However, this is simply a matter of fact. It is important to understand that everyone has their own pace of growth, with some progressing faster than others. The key is to follow your own pace of growth and strive to be the best you can be.

It is important to be able to compare your current performance with your previous performance. As long as you are making progress and improving on a daily basis, you should be satisfied with your performance.

It is not uncommon for new employees to make mistakes when they first start working. The key is to learn from these experiences and avoid repeating the same mistakes.

It is recommended that you record the areas where you are prone to making mistakes and check them during work. In addition, you should always check yourself during work, and for important matters, you can also ask your colleagues to help check.

☞ Identify an appropriate learning method.

For instance, you can pursue further education in emotional intelligence and interpersonal relationships. There are numerous books, videos, and courses available to enhance your interpersonal skills and communication abilities. Additionally, you can observe colleagues and classmates with exemplary communication skills to gain insights and apply their techniques in your own interactions.

You may wish to consider a variety of methods to identify the most suitable approach for you and then commit to it. I am confident that you will be pleased with the changes you see in yourself.

Furthermore, you indicated in the inquiry that you dedicate your time exclusively to studying and sleeping, with no hobbies or social activities. It is, however, beneficial to manage your own hobbies and engage in suitable social activities as a means of learning.

In comparison to learning textbook knowledge, the application and practice in real life is of greater importance and will facilitate more improvement. It is analogous to learning to swim: if you do not get into the water, you will never learn.

Hello, host.

I understand you're tired. I would be too. Give yourself a break. Hugs~

I see some of your good points.

From the words "thank you" and "I hope you are happy" at the beginning of your letter, I can see your inner gentleness and kindness—that's one of your strengths.

Knowing your personality and being a slow learner is a great way to know yourself. Being able to see yourself and understand yourself is an advantage because you are introspective.

You know yourself, and you've taken action. You've been patient after being criticized for making mistakes, you've tried hard to change, and you've prevented mistakes from being made. These actions reflect your serious and hard work, which is not one of your strengths?

You said you "dare not and will not communicate," but you've shown courage by asking a question here. I understand and empathize with what you're expressing. You've conveyed it well, and this is your communication with me.

You previously studied for the postgraduate entrance exam, and now you have just started working. It is normal to feel detached from society for a while as you adjust. The fact that you are finding work difficult and have no social life is also related to the specific context of you just starting work, and is not entirely your own fault.

I can understand these feelings. I stayed at home for 20 years after graduation to prepare for the exams, without a job or studies. I was only admitted to graduate school this year, and during this period, I really felt isolated. Look at it from another perspective. It's a good time to get to know yourself.

When you make a serious mistake, you can't forgive yourself because you really want to do things well and don't want to hold everyone back. You feel guilty, associating it with when you were a child in a similar situation. Many things flood your mind at once, which can make you feel a particularly strong sense of self-denial. These thoughts and emotions are normal.

Take a deep breath and calm your mind. Then, list what went wrong in the current mistake, what lessons can be learned from it, and take your time. Next time, you'll know better. If you want to explore some past experiences in more depth, find a suitable psychological counselor.

From your description, I can see that you care a lot about causing trouble for others. Your intentions are good, but you need to learn to handle things yourself so that you don't have to trouble others. This also shows that you are gentle and sensitive at heart. You need to learn to think ahead about what you can do to better handle things independently. It will take more time and effort, but this is a unique experience for you. You don't need to compare yourself with others. Everyone is good at something and bad at something in different dimensions. Focusing on doing things yourself may make you feel better, but you need to learn to work with others.

If you feel you lack skill in handling interpersonal relationships, read books on the subject, such as "The Seven Faces of Man" and "The Power of Empathy," and apply what you learn.

Hello there! You're a new employee who has just started working. You work hard and value your job, but you often make mistakes, which can make you feel self-blame and frustration.

I totally get you!

It's so important to be aware of your own feelings.

Your short statement is full of self-condemnation and denial. I can tell that deep down, you see yourself as worthless, and I'm really sad to hear that!

You say you feel incompetent, slow to respond, and have low emotional intelligence. You say you were like this as a child. In your perception, you seem to feel worthless, unworthy of kindness, and incapable of doing anything well.

Have you noticed that you've attached a series of labels representing negative comments to yourself?

Maybe this is something you picked up from your childhood. Did your folks expect a lot from you and do it in a pretty strict way?

I'm so sorry to hear that you had to grow up in a family where you felt pushed to do better by your parents, only to be rejected, blamed, and criticized when you didn't meet their expectations. It's so unfair! Did you feel like you had to grow up always trying to meet your parents' expectations?

I'm really sorry to hear that. I can imagine it must have been really hard for you growing up. Did their attitude make you feel unworthy of love?

When you believe in your heart that you are bad, it can make it hard for you to believe that you can do a good job. This is a kind of negative psychological suggestion that we all have to watch out for!

It seems like you're trying your best, but I get the feeling that you might have this little voice in your head that's holding you back.

And see yourself in the right light, sweetie.

It's totally understandable that you feel you can't objectively analyze yourself and see your own strengths. It's not fair to yourself to think that way!

First of all, you are a motivated person who absolutely loves and focuses on your work. You spend all your time on it except for eating and sleeping, and you put in so much effort.

Second, you have a strong ability to withstand setbacks. Despite being scolded frequently, making countless mistakes, and even being criticized in a report, you have endured it all and kept trying without giving up. This resilience is rare among young people, so you really stand out!

You're also really good at self-reflection. You often reflect on your own shortcomings and don't avoid or hide them. You always face your shortcomings head-on and are brave enough to admit them.

Harvard University has concluded that there are eight types of human intelligence, and self-awareness is one of the most important.

I just wanted to say that from your short account, I was able to see so many of your good qualities, and they're really valuable! I'm just wondering if you're being objective in your view of yourself?

and work in the right way.

I just wanted to say that I think your attitude towards work is really admirable. I'm really hoping that I can help you get out of this slump as soon as possible. I've got a few suggestions for you:

First, let's stop the internal conflict and stop labeling ourselves negatively. We all have value, and there's no such thing as trash in the world. We're all just treasures in the wrong place!

It's time to look at yourself in a different way.

Every day, try to find your own strengths and advantages. I've already found three of your strengths for you, but I know you can find more! Write them down, give some concrete examples, keep them nearby, read them every day, and learn to accept and affirm yourself from the heart.

Second, try not to worry about the past and just focus on what you're doing now. It's totally normal to make mistakes when you're new to the workplace, so don't be too hard on yourself!

When you're working, try not to dwell on the mistakes you've made. Instead, focus on what you're doing right now. It's a great idea to get into the habit of finishing things, even if it's just one thing a day. And don't forget to encourage and praise yourself!

Third, make sure you take some time to relax and enjoy life! Work is only one part of your life, so it's important to relax your mind and enrich your life.

Make sure you set aside some leisure time to do the things you like, such as fitness, sports, socializing, and keeping pets. It's so important to have a good balance between work and rest, as this helps you to maintain a happy mood and abundant energy, which in turn gives you a positive attitude towards life!

Fourth, be good at asking for help and find more support for yourself. We all need a helping hand sometimes! It's a great idea to be proactive and ask others for help when you're facing challenges.

As a newcomer in the workplace, it's a great idea to ask your seniors for some tips and good ways to work. They're likely to have lots of great advice that will really help you! It's also a good idea to find a trusted friend or professional to talk to about your inner struggles and depression. This will help you move forward with a clear mind.

Professional psychological counseling is a great way to help you grow faster. These are all avenues that are worth your attention!

I hope this is helpful for you! My name is Teng Ying, and I'm a psychological counselor.

Hello, I'm Liang Qingyou, and I'm excited to get started!

First of all, I want to say that you have the opportunity to reframe your thinking and embrace a more positive outlook.

Today marks the 47th day since I started answering questions on the Yi Xinli platform, and I'm thrilled to have encountered a questioner like you for the first time! Your question begins with the heartfelt words, "Thank you, teacher, for being willing to help me. I wish you happiness."

I didn't sleep well last night, but I'm feeling great today! When I saw your sincere thanks and best wishes, I felt respected and a little warmth. Can someone who can give positive feedback to others have a low emotional quotient? I don't believe it!

After reading your question, I remember your use of the word "make mistakes." Almost the entire text is about beating yourself up and regretting the "mistakes" you have made. Take a closer look. How many "mistakes" have you counted in total? What exaggerated words did you use to denounce your "mistakes"? For example, the most mistakes, countless mistakes, serious mistakes. Now, let's flip this around!

You are really too hard on yourself! You live a cautious, nervous, and restrained life, not daring to let out a breath.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that you feel like there's always someone behind you, pointing a finger and saying that you're not doing a good enough job or that there's something wrong with what you're doing, or that there's a pair of extremely critical eyes watching you all the time, so that no matter what you do, you can't help but look up to see if they're satisfied. But here's the good news! You can choose to see this as a challenge to do better, or you can choose to see it as a chance to show your amazing skills and abilities. You can choose to see it as a chance to prove to yourself and others that you are capable of doing a great job. You can choose to see it as a chance to grow and learn and become the best version of yourself.

You are afraid of making mistakes, causing trouble for others, annoying people, and even thinking that you are stupid and unable to forgive yourself. But you're also excited to learn and grow! You must be very tired after being under such pressure all day, but you're ready to take on the world tomorrow!

But even though you are exhausted, you power through! Work is challenging, but you give it your all to succeed. You also strive to improve and maintain your relationships.

So, what else can I do to make myself feel better? I'm ready for anything!

First, embrace the fact that we're all novices in the workplace and that it's totally normal to make mistakes. The sooner you make a mistake, the more room you have to improve! After making a mistake, newcomers to the workplace often feel like the sky is falling. This is not just your own thinking. Ask more newcomers around you, and you'll definitely find someone who thinks the same way as you.

Second, when you make a mistake, don't dwell on it! Instead, put aside your emotions as soon as possible, brush yourself off, and immediately consider how to make amends. Ask your leader and experienced colleagues for advice on how to minimize the damage, and always consciously exercise your ability to solve problems rationally.

If you make a relatively low-level mistake, it simply means that you didn't ask about some procedures or details at work. You just started working according to your own vague ideas! Of course, you made a mistake as soon as you started, and this is a common mistake for newcomers. But it's not a big deal! Just ask clearly before you do it again, and you'll be fine.

Also, develop the habit of reviewing and summarizing. Every night, set aside an hour or so to review your work for the day, write down the experiences, lessons, and insights that most touched and inspired you, and cite as many examples as possible to explain and prove that these experiences and reflections are truly instructive. You'll be amazed at how much this can help you avoid mistakes!

That's all for now! Wishing you the best!