Help-seeking will blame oneself, thinking that causing trouble for others is a sin. How can this be resolved?

Good day, question asker.

In response to your question, I would like to offer three perspectives.

The first aspect to consider is that the individual who is capable of seeking assistance may not do so, but instead turns to a machine for help. This raises two key questions: A. If one were to seek assistance from another individual and then reciprocate after receiving help, what if someone requests assistance that exceeds one's capabilities? It may not be feasible to repay such a favor.

Machines are a different matter. There is no obligation to return a favour to a machine, nor to repay it. However, asking for help may be seen as a sign of incompetence, and could result in being laughed at.

In such cases, people often find themselves turning to machines, which they perceive as a more reliable source of assistance.

The second part is when someone comes forward to help you. You may find yourself questioning your abilities. It's natural to wonder if you're truly capable of doing this.

When others can't bear to witness your struggles any longer and step in to offer assistance, you may find yourself questioning your abilities and worth.

Third, they are willing to take the initiative to help people in need. This may be because they are seeking assistance themselves, but they have a number of concerns and concerns about whether others will be able to help. They may therefore be willing to offer help to others in the hope that they will be able to provide assistance themselves.

On the one hand, it fulfills the desire to seek assistance without being able to speak up, while on the other, it provides a sense of accomplishment and value in helping others.

This can help to build one's inner strength and sense of worth. It can also provide the ability to help others and the courage to ask for help.

I hope this message finds you well. Please accept my best regards.

Hello, dear question asker!

Hi, I'm Sunny Dolphin Floater, your friendly counselor.

1. It can be really tough to ask for help from others, especially when we're afraid of being rejected.

?‍♂️From your description, it seems that you are reluctant to ask for help from others. I'm wondering if you're afraid of being in debt to others?

I'd love to know what you do in this situation. And how old are you?

I'd love to hear more about any particular events from your upbringing that have left a lasting impression on you.

?‍♂️Have you ever thought that maybe it's not that you're unwilling to ask for help, but that you're afraid of being rejected?

?‍♂️In the course of your description, it seems that you've had some tough experiences when asking for help. I'm here to listen and support you.

?‍♂️I'm so sorry to hear that you've had these experiences. Do you remember how the other person rejected you when it happened? Did the other person say anything mean?

?‍♂️From your description, it's clear you're a kindhearted soul with a genuine desire to help others. I'm sure you'll agree with me on that!

Have you ever thought about why you love helping others so much?

But are you too shy to ask for help from others?

‍♂️ I'd love to know when you've asked for help from others. And I'm curious, do you think the things you consider trivial are really trivial?

I'd love to know what you think is a big deal!

From your question, it's clear you're a kindhearted soul who loves helping others. Have you ever considered that helping others is a flow of love?

?‍♀️You help others, and when you need help, you ask for it. This is a wonderful manifestation of the law of giving and receiving!

It's the wonderful process of the flow of universal love!

?‍♀️If you only help others and are unwilling to ask for help, or unwilling to accept help from others,

So, does the flow of love stop when it reaches you?

?‍♀️Have you ever thought about how the love you give can flow back to you? It's so important to keep your heart full of love so you can give it away to others!

?‍♀️Now, take a moment to think about this. When you accept help from others and feel guilty,

Could it be that you feel like you can't help others or that you've lost the ability to give love?

I'm here for you.

2. It's totally normal to feel guilty for a while after being helped by someone kind. But it's also great that you're so enthusiastic about helping others!

I'd love to know how many people are in your family. Are you married now?

I'd love to know who you grew up with!

I'd love to know your thoughts on your parents' values. Do you think they're similar to yours?

You are so eager to help others, but you never ask for help yourself?

♂️ You feel guilty after being helped by others, and it even hurts for a long time. We've all been there! What kind of pain is it?

It's okay if you feel like you don't deserve help. We all feel that way sometimes.

I know it can be tough to ask for help sometimes, especially when you're facing a lot of little things at once. But I'm here to tell you that you don't have to go it alone!

I'd love to know if you ever feel the need for help!

For example, when I'm on a business trip, I have too much luggage and paperwork.

It's a bit more of a hassle to get on and off public transport.

?‍♂️I'd love to know if you'd be open to accepting a little help from others at this time. I'm really interested to hear how you'd feel about that!

I'd love to know if you'd be willing to reach out to help!

I totally get it if you feel like someone is stepping on your boundaries when someone tries to help you at this time.

I totally get it if you feel a little guilty because I don't need your help and can manage without it.

?‍♀️ I'm just a sensitive soul when it comes to boundaries. If I encounter such a situation,

I'm always happy to help someone who offers a helping hand. I'll always say thank you!

On the other hand, I'd ask the other person if they needed help. And if they did, I'd be there for them without a second thought!

3. It can be really tough when someone asks for help and you're not able to give it to them. I feel like I empathize with others and I'd love to be able to help them all someday. I want to genuinely care about others, not just empathize with them. What should I do?

?‍♂️ Give yourself a little pat on the shoulder for comfort. Why do you feel that you help others out of empathy, rather than a heartfelt desire to help them?

How do you think you empathize with the other person? Is it the feeling of helplessness when you need help but can't get it from others?

How do you empathize with others? I'd love to know if you feel the same sadness when you need help and someone refuses to help you.

I'd love to know how you behave in other situations. Have you ever been afraid of being rejected?

I'd love to know if you've ever experienced rejection.

?‍♂️ If you've ever felt this way, I'd love to hear how it made you feel and what you did in that situation.

♂ Have you ever had to say no to someone who was trying to help you? How did you feel in that moment?

I'm curious, do you never turn anyone down?

Oh, goodness! I actually had a similar experience after I entered society. At that time, the other person not only rejected me, but they also made fun of me!

And he even teased me!

I was so sad! It was really hard to feel excluded.

I still remember it to this day, but I've come to accept it.

I'm not saying anyone has to help me, but I'm just saying, it'd be nice if they did!

?‍♀️And my helpful nature was not interrupted by his lack of help and sarcasm this time. We all have our own ways of doing things, and that's okay!

We all have our own boundaries, and that's okay!

?‍♀️Guilt is just not a feeling I want to have, so I'll leave it to someone else.

Guess what! The person who mocked me passed out in the bathroom while taking a shower not long after.

Oh my, at that time she fainted in the bathroom, completely naked. Of course, it was the public bathroom at the workplace.

I gently carried her from the bathroom to the dressing room. She woke up after being stimulated by the cold air.

?‍♀️When she looked at me with guilty eyes, I just smiled at her. It felt like a smile had erased the grudge.

Oh, but he never said thank you to me!

Most of the people you meet in life are just passing through. It's so important to remember that, and not to let caring about what everyone thinks of us make our lives very exhausting.

It can be really tough to accept other people's refusals, and it's even harder to accept their help.

I really hope my answer can help you, sweetheart. I love you so much!

Dear question asker, I extend my support and encouragement from a distance to provide you with strength.

I believe you are a perceptive individual with a keen emotional awareness and a high level of consideration for others.

You perceive it as normal for others to decline your requests for assistance and comprehend their reasons for doing so. However, you experience a sense of obligation when someone offers you help. This feeling can persist for days or even months. Have you ever considered the underlying reasons for this discrepancy?

The Chinese character for "person" is made up of a downstroke and a horizontal stroke. This structure illustrates the inherent weakness of the individual and the necessity for support from others. The needs of a growing population give rise to various social relationships. Infants require maternal care and express their needs through crying and screaming. The elderly face challenges in their daily lives and require assistance from their children or other individuals. In life and work, we are all inextricably linked to a multitude of needs, both large and small. We all require help and assistance, whether at the individual or collective level. This fundamental and universal need is an inevitable stage of progress.

Secondly, please describe the educational background of your parents and the level of attention you received at home.

Have your parents instilled in you the importance of treating others with kindness, observing the thoughts and expressions of others, holding yourself to the same standards as you hold others, or developing your own opinions on matters? Or have you lived apart from your parents since childhood, with your grandparents, and considered it sufficient as long as they are not angry?

Please reflect on whether your parents or relatives have ever demonstrated an awareness of your needs, even if it was only on a few occasions. For instance, if your parents have some candy, do they give it to your younger siblings before they give it to you, or do they never give you any?

It is not unusual for someone to require assistance, and there is no obligation to feel overwhelmed. The decision to utilize a self-help system or request help from another individual is based on which option is more effective in addressing the issue at hand. It is not uncommon for someone to decline assistance, and it is even more common for them to provide assistance to others.

Have you never provided assistance to another individual? Why is it acceptable for you to offer help to others, but not to receive it?

It is important to recognize the value of self-care and prioritize your well-being. You have the potential to make a significant impact on the lives of others, and your contributions are highly sought after.

Hello. I'm going to give you a 360-degree hug.

When I saw the title, I wondered if it meant that asking for help would make you feel guilty and think that it was a sin to cause trouble for others. But you still came and asked a question. What prompted you to come to the platform and ask a question?

After reading the description of the question, it's clear you're unwilling to ask the people around you for help but are willing to ask a paid machine for help. You seem to believe that paying is an exchange of value, that you pay money and the other person pays knowledge and experience, etc.

You'll only feel at ease when you do this. In fact, counselors like visitors who are willing to pay, and the counseling relationship will be relatively simple. The visitor pays, and the counselor gives their time and knowledge.

You haven't offered a reward for this question, which means it's still an uncompensated request for help. Seven people have already answered it, and I'm sure it's caused you some trouble too.

The person answering is a real person, giving of their goodwill.

Your logic is causing trouble for others.

If the official Yixin psychology later enters a reward for this question, Yixin psychology will pay for you. You have caused trouble for the respondent and for Yixin psychology.

You need to make yourself feel better. Don't fall into the trap of self-criticism, thinking you shouldn't have bothered others, or blaming yourself.

Let's go over it again if that's the case.

You didn't pay, the respondent answered. According to your logic, you caused trouble for someone else and started targeting yourself. It was the same recipe, same result.

This question has achieved nothing.

You paid, the answerer answered, and according to your logic, you paid and didn't cause any trouble. But your problem is still there, and you know you have to pay for help.

This also means that your questions and the answers from the respondents are all doing a lonely job.

I'm not sure I've made myself clear. Let me try again. If you don't pay, it may increase your self-blame.

You paid, which deepened your inherent perception.

I want to know how you feel now. I also want to know what happened that made you seek help without paying.

Tell me what you were thinking before you asked the question. I want to know how you convinced yourself.

You can and should review your mental journey.

This question is an exceptional event. An exceptional event is different from the usual practice. For example, someone says they have never been successful in an exam, but they are a high school student.

He aced the high school entrance exam, at least.

Some people say they are worthless, but they are very popular among their friends.

Many people with negative thoughts focus on the negative and forget that there are many non-negative things happening in life.

You said that asking for help makes you feel bad. You feel better only when you pay for it.

You just asked for help without paying for it. This is an exceptional event. Use it to find the idea behind it and see under what circumstances and with what ideas you can also accept help without paying for it.

You have the solution. I don't know what it is, but you do. Expand your experience.

Furthermore, the first half of this question indicates that you believe asking for help is a burden on others and that you will blame yourself. The second half reveals that you are willing to offer help but feel bad about it. You have asked how you can stop feeling empathy for others and truly think of their well-being.

I'm not going to answer that question.

You should also talk to a counselor. I'm not going to explain this further.

I am both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I am also occasionally motivated and positive. I am a counselor who loves the world and loves you.

Dear Questioner, My name is Annie.

Upon receipt of your inquiry, I perceive the inquirer to be a benevolent individual who consistently prioritizes the interests of others. However, you express concern regarding the potential for causing inconvenience to others, particularly when someone extends assistance with enthusiasm, leading to feelings of self-blame, guilt, and even self-criticism. I encourage you to extend a gesture of support and understanding to the inquirer, who appears to be grappling with doubts and a genuine desire to consider the needs of others.

The questioner indicated at the beginning of the question that he is concerned about causing inconvenience to others, not that he truly doesn't require assistance. Therefore, if the questioner encounters someone who is not particularly inclined to help, at this time it is deemed acceptable.

However, if you encounter an individual who is particularly eager to assist you, you may experience feelings of guilt, as if it is inappropriate to express your needs or that you do not deserve such treatment.

As a result, the inquirer may express sentiments such as, "The individual who can assist me is readily available, yet I am compelled to search for a pay machine," "I experience a sense of culpability when soliciting assistance from individuals who exude positivity and enthusiasm," and "I perceive that I should not impose upon someone for a seemingly inconsequential matter when someone is particularly inclined to assist me, given that I am perceived as negligent." These beliefs, which encompass a sense of self-worthlessness and discomfort when one is valued, may be attributed to experiences of emotional neglect or the prioritization of others' interests during one's upbringing.

If an individual is raised in an environment where their emotions are devalued and deemed unreasonable, this can lead to a perception that their thoughts and opinions are also insignificant. Consequently, when we are accustomed to emotional neglect, we may also view the expression of our own feelings as inappropriate or misguided.

The questioner may therefore say, "I am eager to provide assistance to others when they request it, likely because I empathize with their circumstances and do not want to cause them discomfort. To be frank, I do not wish to cause myself discomfort either."

It is unclear whether the questioner believes that he should help others, perhaps not because he wants to, but because he feels obliged to. This is an opposing mindset to our genuine feelings and prevents us from being ourselves, which causes discomfort for the questioner.

Additionally, there is the notion that accepting assistance from others may result in feelings of guilt and self-criticism, such as the perception that one should not have sought help on a trivial matter or that they were careless. This may be attributed to the upbringing and values instilled during childhood. In many cases, adults tend to believe that criticism is the primary means of fostering responsibility. Consequently, individuals may experience feelings of guilt when accepting help from others.

The questioner is not self-centered; rather, they are striving to become a well-rounded individual. They are seeking to align their thoughts and actions with their true aspirations to achieve genuine happiness.

In response to the question, "I also want to be able to help others one day, but I want to do it sincerely for the sake of others, not just out of sympathy. What should I do?" the following suggestions are offered for your consideration:

First, adjust your thinking to align it more closely with the actual situation.

Regarding the questioner's long-held belief that "asking someone for help is causing trouble for them," it may not be as unforgivable as the questioner thinks. Accepting his help is more likely a way to build relationships. People feel happy when they genuinely help others, which is a transmission of love, not something that causes trouble or receives something bad.

Asking for help also has the effect of strengthening both the inner and outer resources of the individual in need of assistance. In order to provide effective assistance, the helper must develop their own capabilities. Therefore, helping others should not be a drain on one's own resources, but rather an opportunity to recharge.

If we have reservations about our own thoughts, it would be prudent to seek further input from others. When there is a consensus among a large number of people, it may be beneficial to retain the thoughts that are advantageous to oneself and discard those that are detrimental.

Secondly, I am as important as any other member of the team.

The questioner stated, "I have always focused my attention on my own concerns rather than those of others. I am willing to provide assistance to others when they request it, but I do not solicit help for myself."

Does this mean that the position of others is always higher than one's own, and that one would rather be strict with oneself than treat others well? Is this an accurate interpretation?

It is also important to understand that having love in your heart also means being able to love yourself. Only people who love themselves can truly love others and be generous and compassionate towards others.

In the event that the questioner is currently unable to prioritize self-care over external obligations, it is essential to recognize their intrinsic value and importance.

Third, I am entitled to fair and respectful treatment.

As previously stated, the reason we neglect our own needs is because we lack self-care. Therefore, it is important to consider how we can care for ourselves.

1. Appreciate the present moment.

It is possible to find a free moment in the day to enjoy the present moment by tasting a delicious food, smelling the fragrance of nature, listening to favorite music, or doing little things we like, etc., which can help us quickly regain energy.

2. Record the time you spend working, relaxing, and feeling happy each day.

It is important to note that there are numerous instances throughout the day when we experience positive emotions. However, the occurrence of a single negative event can significantly impact our overall perception of the day. Therefore, maintaining a record of these experiences can provide valuable insight into our emotional fluctuations.

This process will reveal that there are numerous positive aspects of life that we may have overlooked.

3. Recall the situation when someone approached you for assistance within the past week.

The questioner stated that when others request assistance, you will undoubtedly be willing to provide it. Therefore, let's focus on the instance when you provided assistance to others.

Please describe the situation in detail. Why did you agree to assist in this matter?

Please describe the task. How did the other person respond, and how did you feel afterwards?

When individuals realize their own value through helping others, they gain a sense of importance and capability, which in turn gives them confidence. To genuinely care for others, it is essential to be true to one's own thoughts, help when possible, not force oneself to help when not able to, and prioritize one's own needs.

It is my hope that the questioner will derive immense satisfaction from assisting others.

One Psychology and I Love You