How can a marriage continue when the husband is constantly lying?

Hello, young lady. From what you've told me, it seems like you're stuck in a marriage cycle that you're not happy with. You don't want a divorce, so I understand that you're looking for ways to improve your marriage and regain the trust and security you need.

I think you have your reasons for not wanting a divorce, apart from the lie about spending money on mahjong. What kind of relationship is it? What are your expectations?

I'd like you to take a deep breath and think about this question carefully. Ask yourself whether your trust and expectations for this marriage have been met. If it's only the act of lying that hurts you, what is it that hurts?

Is it a lack of trust, fidelity, or promises that aren't being kept? Or is it a sense of losing control in the marriage?

Some people say that the way a couple interacts is a result of their relationship. It's possible that his habit of rebutting and lying is a result of your habit of conceding. Imagine that every time he lies, he can't justify himself. How do you handle it?

I can see that you're sad, but I don't know how you can fix it. For example, who in your family is responsible for paying the bills and who is in charge of the money?

How are things divided up and who's in charge of the money? We see that the government has adopted various measures to open up its affairs to the public in order to win the trust of the people. Shouldn't families also regularly disclose their finances to enhance trust?

You mentioned that he tends to argue back. Could it be that he's on his guard against you, worried or afraid of your criticism or rebuke? Is this also a sign of his insecurity?

I don't know how many years you've been married. What's the foundation of your marriage?

How do you think he feels about you emotionally? I get the feeling that you don't have an equal husband-and-wife relationship, but rather a mother-and-son dynamic. He acts like a child in front of you, afraid of your criticism and worried about your accusations. From what I know about Satir's four modes of communication, he seems to be the interrupting type, avoiding things. When he can't avoid them, he swears and swears to protect himself. Is this not like the behavior of a child who has made a mistake?

And you still accepted his unreasonable behavior, no matter what. It seems like the relationship is a bit unbalanced.

Or maybe the relationship just isn't working out. What do you think?

If you look at his psychology, I think he also lacks a sense of security. He always says he's poor, how much he spends, which puts a lot of pressure on me. Crying poverty seems to be the usual thinking of the weak, and its purpose is to gain sympathy and understanding. Have you thought carefully about what his greatest need is in your relationship?

Could his attitude towards money also be hiding extreme psychological panic? Men sometimes use their ownership and control of money to show their status in the family and in love. Is he seeking a sense of control over his life by inflating his expenses and playing mahjong outside?

Have you discussed this with him?

If there's no secure attachment in a marriage, it can lead to distrust, suspicion, and even the development of "habitual lying" and looking outward for emotional support. From his many lies and oaths, I also seem to have glimpsed his awe of you and his appreciation for your relationship.

This is also why you're reluctant to get a divorce.

The sense of security in marriage comes from the emotional connection of mutual understanding and respect. But the foundation is equal and sincere communication and selfless trust in the heart, as well as the need for wise communication and emotional management skills. It's hard to be happy when you're willing to adjust the relationship wisely even though you feel the distress caused by the problem, but you don't give up. Running a marriage and intimate relationship is also an art that requires careful learning.

The Yixinli platform has lots of these mutual support groups. It's a good idea to go along and learn and communicate more. This will help you to grow, increase your wisdom and create your own happy life.

Dear Questioner, Thank you for your inquiry. Best regards, [Name]

From your description, I can discern your feelings of anger and distress. Your husband's infidelity and erratic behavior evoke a sense of powerlessness, anger, and injustice in others.

I will respond to your question from two perspectives.

The husband's actions can be attributed to the following factors:

1. Social pressures are a source of anxiety.

Every action has a motive and a purpose. Based on your husband's series of actions, I believe he is experiencing anxiety. As an adult, he also faces the pressures of life. He hopes to live a better life, feel more valuable, and contribute more to the family.

However, there is a possibility that he is lacking in competence or has experienced setbacks and difficulties. Consequently, this anxiety causes him significant distress, prompting him to seek solace in mahjong as a means of alleviating his discomfort. This is a coping mechanism he employs to relieve pressure and ease pain.

2. He is experiencing feelings of bitterness and loneliness.

A man's desire for recognition, acceptance, and understanding remains consistent throughout his life. Similarly, the pursuit of success, gains, and the realization of his own value is a constant.

Concurrently, his actions demonstrate a lack of progress, dishonesty, and irresponsibility. Despite his claims of improvement and attempts at self-correction, others remain unconvinced. It is challenging to perceive the true extent of his loneliness and suffering, which require acknowledgment.

Additionally, he possesses numerous commendable attributes in other domains.

Your desire to avoid divorce indicates that you value and appreciate certain aspects of your husband's character. Based on your description, I believe there are also strengths and advantages in other areas that you find appealing.

Self:

1. Accept the individual in front of you and your current situation.

It is not possible to change others. However, we can change ourselves. If he is unwilling to make any changes and insists on maintaining the status quo, you can make adjustments to adapt to this situation. In this situation, how can you soothe your emotions, arrange your life, and feel more happiness? This is something you can do.

2. Assume responsibility for your own actions and be aware of how your external circumstances may influence your decisions.

When we experience setbacks in our personal lives and feel pain, we often turn to and project it onto those closest to us, hoping to receive support and feel a sense of joy. If this support is not forthcoming, we may blame and complain about others.

This is a typical way of thinking. It is important to be aware of our own issues. We should look within, be aware of our own hearts, find out what our true needs and deficiencies are, and work on our own issues.

3. What is my role in this relationship, or in my husband's current situation? What actions have I taken that have contributed to the current circumstances?

4. Self-care.

What are your requirements in this relationship? How can you fulfill these requirements in the current situation so that you are less stressed and can simply take care of yourself?

It requires courage to acknowledge the reality of life's circumstances while maintaining a positive outlook.

I hope this has been informative and useful. Finally, I wish you success, and I am grateful for your business.

Hello, dear question asker!

I'm a healer, and I'm here to give you a big hug! How should a marriage continue with a husband who tells lies all the time?

From a psychological point of view, human nature is selfish. We all know that a liar is not worthy of being trusted, especially if they are like the boy who cried wolf. We also know that it takes ten lies to cover up one lie. So if you tell enough lies, people will naturally believe what you say. For a marriage, the most important thing for the couple is to be new to each other. When this foundation has collapsed, what reason is there to continue? There is no love without a reason, and there is no reason to hate without a reason. The way to keep love fresh includes a secure marriage. It is both a responsibility to the family and a commitment to poison the other person. Especially as a woman, if you lose your dependence on your husband, we can imagine what the end result will be.

He tends to disagree, even if what you say is true. He'll say, "That's not it, that's not it." Trust is a big part of any relationship. It's the foundation. And sincerity is the best way to make it last. If you already know the facts, it's not wrong to argue. But if you look deeper, it might be a way to hide your real feelings. As a man, sometimes it's about pride. But if you react strongly to everything, it can make people suspicious.

The phone has all the proof he needs to see, yet he still claims he didn't play mahjong. He gets so upset that he screams at the top of his voice, louder than ever. He promises and then breaks his word again and again. He also swears at the drop of a hat, saying he really hasn't played mahjong. He always tells himself he's poor, saying how much he has to spend, which puts a lot of pressure on him. They only realised he was lying when they checked their accounts last night. He said he'd paid 2,000 yuan in electricity bills, but the records showed only a few hundred. He also said he'd paid for other apps, but he couldn't provide the records. When asked, he just said he'd forgotten and deleted them, and that he'd paid that much anyway.

We all know that the reason a person lies is greatly influenced by their original growth environment. They are afraid of being punished for making mistakes, and they are afraid of the harm that responsibility will bring to themselves. So they speak loudly to fight against the tension and guilt within themselves. Others clearly know that they have made a mistake, but as close people, they are still willing to choose to believe. This kind of belief is the hope that they can correct themselves in the future, and it is also the result of indulgence. Perhaps there is something you can't tell others about the information you provide, but you also want a man who can give you romance and also let you live a good and solid life. At the same time, it doesn't mean that your actions can see through some people and things. We always want to become the person we want to be, but in the end, we end up living a way that we don't like.

I'm really sad about this. I tried so hard to keep things together and to make sure we were both happy, but it just wasn't meant to be. It can feel like you're powerless when you're in this situation, but I know you've already tried to do something about it.

Sometimes, relationships aren't perfect. And what we miss might not be the best thing for us. But that's okay! Marriage helps us grow, having a lover makes us generous, and having a family makes us responsible.

Women tend to start with their emotions and end with their rationality, while men usually start with their rationality and end with their emotions. It's like a pair of shoes — only the person wearing them knows whether they're comfortable or not!

It's so important to remember that the more humble you are in marriage, the less worthy you are of respect from your partner. And it's always better to think of marriage as plain water than to have dreams.

It's so important to remember that while it's lovely to care about what other people think and to accommodate and indulge them, we can sometimes end up accommodating and indulging them too much. This can cause them to become even more extreme than they already are. Other people should love you, but you love other people with conditions.

I totally get that you don't want a divorce. But how can you possibly continue in a marriage like this, where you just don't feel safe and secure? I'll give you a few suggestions based on your situation, ok?

1. If you look for external causes in everything, you'll get the same result for ten years. If you look for internal causes in everything, every day will be a new experience. Since things have come to this, just relax and enjoy your life. Dress up and start hanging out with your girlfriends again. Go back to the way you felt before you fell in love. Live your life to the fullest and become more objective, positive, and proactive. Instead of changing him, adjust yourself and ultimately influence him. Since understanding and trust need to be built up slowly, why don't you give him more tests? This will also show whether he really cares about you.

2. It's okay to feel hurt sometimes, but it's not helpful to dwell on it. Try to understand why someone might have hurt your feelings and think about how you can move forward. Sometimes, teasing the other person in a lighthearted way can actually help you feel stronger. There are all kinds of people in the world, and you'll never know what you're capable of until you try. You'll only learn to appreciate something when you lose it. This applies to relationships too. Sometimes, a short pain is better than a long one. Why do we love stories about couples who support each other and live happily ever after? Because most of us can't do it. We're not perfect, and we'll make mistakes along the way. There's a distance between those who can solve problems because distance creates beauty, and there's also time. Time can help us understand each other better. Before you try to understand others, try to understand yourself. We all have our own unique strengths and weaknesses, and that's what makes us who we are.

3. When you start to feel negative about your marriage, it's easy to hide things we're afraid of. From now on, don't rely on him. You can contact some close male friends. You might not be able to stimulate each other, but at least it's an expression of emotional appeal. It's important to feel secure in your relationship. It gives women peace of mind in the family and it's even more important to be a good role model. Everyone deep down wants to be noticed and respected.

So, the best way to deal with it is to make accommodation the standard and indulgence the rule. Love without principles will only make others feel unhappy, and only due respect can ensure the integrity of all.

4. I believe that a woman is helpless, but a group of women is bold. The sisters around you may have more and better ways to deal with and punish men. If you still cherish him and he is repentant, you can give him a chance to turn over a new leaf. If there is really no need to fight for it, it is a waste of time. You should dump him as soon as possible. Let him take care of the children, pay the expenses, and give you all the property. Get out clean and live your life to the fullest.

5. Just a heads-up, personal advice is for reference only. We're all connected in this big, beautiful world. Sending you all the best!

Hello, I am Fei Yun, a heart exploration coach. I am going to be healthy and happy in 2023!

I totally get why you're so hurt and angry in your intimate relationship. Your partner has been deceiving you, which has damaged the relationship and affected the family. You want to save it, but you feel helpless and powerless.

Let's hug each other across the distance and take a look at the problem and the solution together!

1. Is there a good motive behind the other person's lying behavior?

Your partner's various lies and cheating have long since overdrawn your trust and affection for him. But don't worry! We can fix this. Our goal is to keep the marriage and preserve the integrity of the family. So, first we'll find out where the problem lies, and then we'll work together to find a solution.

There is right and wrong in behavior, but behind every action there is a positive motive. For example, if the other person habitually argues back, it is a kind of "protection" for him, which can temporarily preserve his face and dignity. He may also have a kind of "love" for you, and he doesn't want to make you sad or upset, even if the lie is exposed after a second. But in that second, it is also a manifestation of his good motive, which is really exciting because it shows that he cares about you!

The brain has an amazing "reward center" that provides incredible incentives. It is designed to motivate certain behaviors that are conducive to survival and has developed a "reward center." Just like lying, it can temporarily satisfy a person's need for security.

In your past interactions, he must have been able to imagine what an incredible, eye-opening, mind-blowing, awe-inspiring, and totally epic storm of arguments, criticisms, complaints, and denials would result from a truthful confession. It was his fault, but he lacked self-control, and when the result appeared, his only way of avoiding an even greater "disaster" was to "lie" in his mind.

Marriage is the result of the efforts of two people, and it's a beautiful thing!

You want to save your marriage and repair the intimacy, and you are ready to do whatever it takes! You are the one making the effort, sacrificing for the family, and putting up with him again and again.

Dear, let's review your past interaction patterns. In the pattern of the other person's "habitual lying," apart from his habits and character, is there any "force" behind it from you?

In other words, there's something you do or don't do to "match" his behavior in his pattern of behavior. For example, every time he gambles, you will be full of questions, complaints, denials, and abuse, so that he will "develop" this pattern of lying to "protect" himself.

Everyone has amazing patterns! Patterns of behavior, emotions, and thinking that they unconsciously bring into their relationships. These patterns must have once brought him "benefits" in order for you to continue to have them and enter a "cycle."

If you want to save your marriage and pin your hopes on your partner making changes, then it is highly unlikely that this will work. Why? Because in doing so you are handing over the choice of whether your marriage is happy or not to your partner, and have lost control. So what should you do?

The good news is that we can change ourselves! When we change ourselves, the other person will naturally make changes to adapt to our changes. So, start making changes in your interactions with your partner!

Separate his actions from his motives, his identity from his actions, and without judgment, try to understand from his perspective and see the truth of the matter more. For example, does he want to get rich overnight through gambling so that you and your children can live a happy life?

There are so many other great starting points! The key is to focus on changing our own behavior.

It's time to repair the relationship! Start by changing your interaction patterns through effective communication. Express yourself without emotions and complaints, and at the same time listen to the other person. You both have the same goal: to make your family happy! You just have different ways of achieving it. Within your respective abilities, go about meeting each other's needs.

For example, he stops lying to you, and you stop getting so angry about his gambling. You calmly work together to solve the problem, and you both come up with a solution that works for you both!

I highly recommend the movie "Shall We Dance" for you. It's an absolute must-see! You'll be inspired by it.

I really hope the above is helpful to you, and to the world! And I love you! ?

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a Heart Exploration Coach" in the lower right corner and start chatting!

Hello, I'm Gu Daoxi Fengshou.

You say your husband lies to you even when confronted with the truth. What kind of lies does he tell?

As kids, we lied to avoid punishment from our parents. At school, we lied to avoid being educated by our teachers. At work, we lied to avoid being away from home.

Lying is about profit. Self-serving lies are different from lies that comfort others.

The questioner may try to recall when their husband started lying. How was your relationship before he lied? Does he take responsibility for the family? Does he care for and protect you?

Does he lie to anyone else? What makes him lie, related to money or communication with you?

What do your in-laws expect of your husband? How did he grow up?

Is he afraid of his parents?

How do your husband's parents get along? Do they lie to each other?

Knowing why your husband lies will help you repair your relationship.

Ask yourself:

1. Do you know your bottom line? Do you want a divorce? Have you told your husband?

How much does your husband value you?

2. Is your communication with your husband friendly and non-violent? Do you show you care about him?

Is he afraid of your lectures? How will he respond if you lecture him?

Fierce argument? Silent confrontation?

Is he open to learning?

3. How do you manage your husband's money? Does he have his own budget?

Does he gamble?

4. Does he trust you with the family finances?

Knowing why someone acts the way they do can help us resolve conflicts better. The questioner can try the following:

- Decide what you will and won't accept. If he doesn't change, would you consider leaving? Domestic violence can be divided into two types: zero times and countless times. It's also hard to change addictive behaviors that have formed in other areas, especially when you give in without a limit.

Su Wuming's definition of a gambling-addicted groom in "The Strange Records of the Tang Dynasty" is not reliable.

- Know why your husband lies to you. Talk to him honestly. Tell him what you want from him. If he won't talk, ask a friend to help you. Write him a letter. Try "Nonviolent Communication" to help you talk.

Give him some authority. This will make him feel free to communicate with you.

Understand your and his different personalities and see if you can work together. Give up some of your ego to make your relationship more harmonious. The movie If Only I Knew Before Marriage mentions how couples with different personalities adapt and adjust. You are already married, but marriage is a lifelong topic. It's not too late to understand it now.

Treat him the same way he treats you. Let him feel your unhappiness.

- Show you care by communicating with him in a way he likes.

If you have a lot of love, save three points for yourself. Don't set limits, build strength now, and you'll be ready for anything.

This is just my opinion. Best wishes!

Hello! I'll give you a 360-degree hug!

I'd like to start off by sharing a great saying: how others treat you is how you teach them. This is also the name of an amazing book you can look up and read!

Your husband lies to you because he gets more out of it than he puts in!

For example, he lied and you found out. You argued with him and went cold war, but after a few days, the matter passed and life returned to normal. For example, regarding the electricity bill, it was said that more than 2,000 yuan was paid, but the records that can be checked are only a few hundred yuan. If the electricity bill was really not paid, the falsely reported amount would become money that he can freely dispose of.

You may even give him more money because he is crying poverty.

Think about it! If he lies, he ultimately benefits and the loss is minimal. It's such a useful method that he will naturally use it repeatedly, and it becomes a habit!

It's like Cheng Yaojin's three axes. The best part is that it doesn't matter if they're flashy, as long as they work!

And so, a new habit is born!

The fantastic thing about the habitual rebuttal is that it can be a defense mechanism. You didn't give a specific example, but I'm sure the facts you said were unfavorable to him. That's why he's definitely going to refute them to protect his self-image or his face!

This is his way of protecting himself!

Think about whether the pattern of communication between you is similar. You use your sharp eyes to spot his problems, and then directly throw evidence at your husband. Your husband denies it, argues back, and even makes excuses. You throw further evidence to try to pin it on him, and he may admit to his mistake in the face of irrefutable evidence.

You proved him wrong, he lied, and it seems like you won! But you're not happy yourself. You're very sad.

In the process, you occupy the moral high ground and he is forced to admit that he is in the wrong. It may seem like you have won, but there is no prize. It may seem like he has lost, but there is no loss and no price to pay.

After a while, you'll have another chance to try out this pattern and see what happens!

You two are more like collaborators, which is great! He pretends to make mistakes, you pretend to accuse, he pretends to resist in rebuttal, and you pretend to be righteous in putting him down. He eventually gives up resisting, which is a good thing!

Over and over again, you have reinforced your role as judge and his role as rebel. You also said that you have no intention of getting divorced, so it's more like you're enjoying it!

It is really sad, and there is a lack of trust and insecurity, but there is also an opportunity for growth and healing!

To be honest, I don't know why you have this pattern, but I'm excited to help you figure it out! You have to look for the answer in your family of origin and your upbringing.

And the best part is, you can observe your communication and see what these communications have in common!

Then the next time you encounter something similar, try to break the cycle! For example, if you find out that your partner is lying, you can pretend not to see it. Or if your partner deliberately lets you see it, you can still remain silent and ignore it!

And guess what? You can also accept whatever the other person says when he or she is in the habit of arguing back!

In short, at some point in the cycle, you stopped playing by the rules and did not follow the previous routine.

And the best part is, you can break this cycle!

I highly recommend counseling! You can go to counseling with your family, or you can go to counseling alone. You can even go to counseling first by yourself!

The good news is that there are ways to break this cycle! The first step is to recognize that behind habitual lying is your pattern of behavior, and there are many factors influencing this pattern. The next step is to talk to a psychological counselor.

I am a counselor who is often depressed and sometimes positive. The world is a wonderful place, and I love you all!

I'm here to help you gain insight and make sharing a habit! I'm talking to myself, too, so I'm in your shoes.

Today, I'd love to chat with you about the topic of "sense of security."

I came across an interesting saying about "security" on the Internet the other day, and I thought it was pretty thought-provoking.

"You can always find each other when you need to." This is the most truthful answer to the question of "security" in a marriage.

It's totally normal to feel sad, helpless, and at a loss when faced with your husband's habitual rebuttals, habitual lies, and habitual crying about being poor!

But it's so important to think back and ask yourself why these behaviors have become "habits."

It takes more than a day or two for a person to make something a habit. It's especially tricky to get a child to brush their teeth every day! Think about how long it takes for an adult to get used to arguing, lying, or crying poverty habitually.

It's only natural to seek out the good and avoid the bad. When we're faced with some challenging behavior from others (especially in a relationship), it's important to take a step back and reflect on ourselves.

It doesn't matter how many suggestions others can give you, there's one thing I think you really need to understand:

It's important to remember that you can't change your husband. If you find that he's changed, it's because you've changed first.

No matter how sad, helpless, and hopeless you feel right now, you always know exactly what you want: not to get a divorce. And that's okay!

What does this tell us? It shows that no matter how often your husband argues, lies, or pretends he's poor, you've gotten used to it. Even though it hurts, you don't feel that these things are so bad and unforgivable.

I can see how this could be a problem. It seems like your husband's behavior has led to him doing things that you can't accept, which have become "habits."

On the one hand, she feels insecure about her marriage. On the other hand, though, she says she won't get a divorce. This kind of thinking, which is a bit contradictory, is making her lose confidence in her marriage more and more.

And so, my dear friend, I will leave you with these words to end on:

In this ever-changing world, it seems like everyone is looking for a sense of security. But the truth is, the only place you can find it is within yourself.

A secure person doesn't necessarily have more social resources than you, but I think they definitely have a kind of confidence that's really admirable. It's the confidence that not caring about what you have, not missing what you don't have, not being afraid of losing, and not pursuing what is forced. In her heart, she feels that everything is hers, and if she really loses everything one day, it doesn't matter.

She's happy with what she's got and isn't worried about losing it. Maybe that's the way to feel secure – it's definitely worth aiming for!

Dear question asker,

Perhaps you could share a warm hug?

It seems that there is some confusion. It appears that your husband is in the habit of contradicting you, regardless of whether or not you are telling the truth. He also seems to have a habit of saying, "No, that's not it."

He has a tendency to be untruthful, and there are screenshots of him playing mahjong on his phone, yet he still claims that he didn't play mahjong and becomes quite vocal in expressing his disagreement. He often makes promises but then repeats the same mistake, and he also swears frequently, saying that he truly didn't do it again.

He often complains to me about how much money he has to spend, which can sometimes feel a bit overwhelming. Last night, when we were going through the bills, I realized that he might have made a mistake. He said he paid over 2,000 yuan in electricity bills, but when I checked the records, there were only a few hundred yuan. He also said that he had paid other bills with his app, but he couldn't provide the records. It seems he might have forgotten and deleted them, and he said he had paid that much anyway.

I must admit that I was hurt by his behavior.

I am certain, however, that I do not want a divorce. How, then, can I continue in this marriage, which is, unfortunately, characterized by a lack of trust and security?

I came across a key phrase: "What should I do to continue?"

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what it is about your husband that makes you want to continue the marriage. Have you identified any positive qualities in him?

Or perhaps you would like to consider playing the role of protector? It might be helpful to start with self-awareness and take your time.

I would like to extend my love and appreciation to the world and to you.

Dear Sir/Madam,

It is undoubtedly disagreeable to discover, subsequent to marriage, that one's husband is untruthful. This is analogous to the situation in which one visits a boutique with the intention of purchasing a watch that has been recommended by an Internet celebrity. Upon receipt of the watch, one discovers that it will lose one or two minutes of time every three or five days. While the watch itself keeps time, it is nevertheless inaccurate. One may wish to return the watch, but the process of obtaining evidence is onerous. The mere thought of the return process is so exasperating that one is ultimately dissuaded from pursuing it. Furthermore, if one does decide to use the watch, it causes considerable annoyance.

The host has already made a decision. It is evident that you do not desire a divorce, which indicates that despite being aware that the watch is not precise, you still choose to retain it.

The remaining issue is how we interact with this "watch."

It is important to consider the original rationale behind the decision to purchase a watch. This may include specific characteristics that initially attracted the buyer, such as appearance, reputation, sense of identity, or suitability. Once the decision to retain the watch has been made, it is beneficial to focus on aspects that can stimulate interest and pursue them to their fullest potential. It is often the case that happiness is derived from comparison, rather than focusing on perceived flaws, which can lead to discomfort.

Deficiencies in functional design are not impossible to solve, but the process is arduous and expensive. Should one be resolute in pursuing this undertaking, it is imperative to consider the available options meticulously before embarking upon it. Should one be determined to proceed, it is essential to strive for excellence, as any less than optimal effort would be a disservice to oneself and the endeavor.

This is not an exaggeration; it is simply a reminder that it is challenging to alter one's fundamental character traits. Consequently, if one wishes to modify an individual's behavior, particularly in the case of deeply ingrained character flaws, it is advisable to engage in an open and honest dialogue with the person in question. If the other person is genuinely sincere and not merely going through the motions, then it may be worthwhile to pursue the matter. However, if the other person is not willing to engage in a constructive exchange, then it is advisable to accept the situation and wish them well.

It is important to identify an appropriate setting for the watch and for oneself. While the watch is not highly accurate, it is suitable for occasions where dressing up or dining out is required. In social situations, it is generally advisable to adhere to established norms.

In terms of timekeeping, it is not necessary to have a watch. One may simply check their phone when going out and use Xiaozhi at home, which will serve the same purpose.

Should one wish to maintain the status quo, it would be prudent to learn to do without the watch and to rely on other means of keeping track of time. It is my sincere hope that you will soon find your own happiness.

Good day, my name is Jialan.

In light of your account, I would like to proffer my views and suggestions, which I hope will prove beneficial to you.

Firstly, it is evident from your narrative that you have labelled your husband as "a liar". When we label others or ourselves, it is our tendency to view them through the lens of preconceived ideas.

To illustrate, an individual attempting to lose weight may assert, "I am on a diet and cannot consume that," upon encountering a midnight snack. However, despite this initial decision, they may ultimately give in and consume the snack. In contrast, when faced with the same temptation, they may assert, "I am a person who does not consume midnight snacks," and thus, they may refrain from doing so.

Such self-labelling is not the result of external constraints that prevent us from pursuing our desired actions.

Additionally, the broken window effect is a concept that may be unfamiliar to some. It is an experimental phenomenon whereby a car that is initially intact is left parked in a low-income neighborhood, while a car with a broken window is parked in a high-income neighborhood. The experiment demonstrates that the car in the low-income neighborhood remains intact, while the car with the broken window is repeatedly vandalized. This phenomenon is attributed to the fact that the car with the broken window had been damaged from the outset, leading to its designation as the broken window effect.

When a wife repeatedly considers her husband's character and concludes that he is inherently deceitful, her doubts about him intensify.

It is recommended that a wife treat her husband as though he were a child, affording him sufficient trust, thereby facilitating his growth and development. In the event that the husband is unable to exercise control over his actions, it is possible to employ strategies designed to bolster his self-control.

Secondly, the strategy employs encouragement and praise, such as immediate praise and encouragement for the husband if he abstains from gaming for an hour, and continued praise and rewards for the husband if he abstains from gaming for half a day. Additionally, meaningful activities can be undertaken together, such as a walk in nature or socializing with friends.

Ultimately, it is imperative to cultivate a clear and constructive attitude towards marriage. Furthermore, it is essential to communicate one's feelings and expectations to one's spouse. This entails articulating how their actions affect you and delineating your expectations of them. It is crucial to focus on one's own role in the communication process and to refrain from judging or labeling one's partner.

It is recommended that discussions with one's spouse be held as the situation arises, with the focus being on the specific behavior in question rather than on the individual as a whole.

I extend my best wishes for a happy new year, happiness, and good health to you.

Hello, I'm Strawberry!

The question asker said that her husband told lies all the time. Even when there was clear evidence in front of him, he would still argue with the question asker with a straight face. Her husband's behavior made the question asker very disappointed, but there was nothing she could do about it. At present, the question asker does not want a divorce, but she is excited to find a way to get along with such a husband.

Habit becomes nature!

Most liars lie for a reason. Just look at how often the topic's husband lies! It's become a habit during his growth process and has even become a natural behavior. He thinks this behavior is normal.

In childhood, lying is all about getting the attention of parents. When they have a need and are ignored by their parents, they will use all kinds of creative lies to get what they want. After discovering the effect of the lie once or twice, they will think it is a great method!

Parents have the power to make a difference in their children's lives! It's important to catch and correct lying behavior early on and provide guidance on the importance of honesty. When children grow up knowing that lying is wrong and their parents are consistently honest, they learn to take responsibility for their actions.

Let's change the way you get along!

The questioner has an extra husband, not an extra son. If the husband doesn't learn from his mistakes and doesn't face his own life's challenges, then the questioner's attempts to correct him will just come across as demands, forcing him to change. But don't worry! The questioner can still make a positive impact on their husband's life.

If he is unwilling to change, then the questioner will just be wasting their efforts, and it will affect their emotions and normal life. But they can choose to live a good life every day! They can choose to feel happy and grateful for all the good things in their lives, even if their husband is lying to them.

The questioner has also tried to get her husband to break this bad habit. She has tried hard and made efforts, but it is really impossible to change. So, she has the exciting opportunity to change to a different way of getting along with him! This will help her go about her daily life as usual, take better care of herself and the family, and avoid affecting herself as much. She can turn a blind eye to her husband's behavior as long as he can ensure the family's financial stability.

It's time to dive in and understand your husband's needs!

The questioner said that her husband is used to arguing back. This is a great opportunity for her to learn more about him! When he is denied or attacked, his defense mode will appear. He may not have thought it through yet, but the words will come out first.

He's used to lying, and he might even be deceiving himself! It's possible that he doesn't want to do it, and he might even want to change, but he just doesn't have the motivation to persevere. He tries to cover up the lies he's told with more lies, but he finds that the questioner is not as gullible as he thought, so he can only cover up his inner sense of guilt with a loud voice!

We all know the story of the boy who cried wolf. The husband's behavior has unfortunately made the questioner lose trust in him. But there's no need to worry! Trust is an important factor in maintaining the relationship between husband and wife. Once trust is lost, it is simply a matter of regaining it.

When you're angry at his lies, try to understand his inner needs. Behind the lies, what does he want to get? He actually cherishes your relationship! Otherwise, he wouldn't have lied to cover up his mistakes. He just doesn't know how to get along with you properly.

The book "It Turns Out That Understanding Is More Important Than Love" is a great choice for the questioner! Since you can't change your husband, you can focus on changing yourself. This isn't about accommodating or tolerating your husband — it's about transforming your mindset to use more effective solutions to the same problems.

If possible, I would highly recommend that you persuade your husband to accept professional psychological counseling. This will help him to see the real problem deep inside himself. When he is willing to change, you can also accompany him to give him more motivation.

I really hope my answer is helpful to the questioner! Best wishes!

The individual posing the question is identified as "Hello!"

From the narrative you have presented, it is evident that you have endured a considerable degree of distress. Despite your assertion that you do not desire a dissolution of the marriage, the pervasive pattern of deceit and the pervasive atmosphere of intimidation and insecurity within the relationship warrant a more empathetic response. If I may be so bold, I would like to extend a gesture of comfort and support from this distance.

The terms "habitual rebuttal," "habitual lying," and "always..." were previously mentioned. It is possible that the cognitive patterns associated with these terms may be related to the early parenting environment or the influence of significant life experiences.

Once a pattern has been established, it will become an automatic response and the default mode. When a similar situation arises, the subconscious feeling is instantly activated, and the cognitive system will enter the default mode, exhibiting behaviors such as rebuttals or lying.

In the absence of conscious intervention, this pattern will persist and become entrenched.

If one assists the individual in discerning the underlying motivation behind their behavior and facilitates the introduction of novel, positive experiences, it may be possible to disrupt the established behavioral patterns.

The tendency to engage in habitual rebuttals and lying may be driven by an underlying sense of fear, coupled with a reluctance to confront the reality of the accusations and denials presented by others. In such instances, individuals may resort to prevarication and falsehoods as a means of avoiding the discomfort associated with these truths.

The following suggestions are intended for reference only.

1. It is important to accept your imperfect husband, as his strengths and weaknesses contribute to his overall identity. Additionally, his tendency to deny and lie is already an inherent aspect of his personality.

2. A fixed cognitive model will affect both the present and the future, but it will not determine the future. One can improve one's interpretation of the subject's behavior, which will in turn affect the subject's awareness of themselves.

3. The formation of habits is a process that requires time and patience. Similarly, improvement is not a rapid process and requires consistent effort. It is essential to be patient and demonstrate love and support, allowing positive influences to gradually shape his development.

As an individual who finds solace in the rain and mist, it is my sincere hope that my contributions will prove beneficial to you. Sincerely,

Hello, host!

From what you've told me, it's clear that your husband's various behaviors, including "habitual rebuttals, habitual lies, and cursing and swearing at the drop of a hat," have made you very sad. I can also feel the hassle of these things, and they make you very anxious and overwhelmed. Let's analyze it together and see if there is a good way forward.

First of all, your description of "habitual retorts, habitual lies, and cursing and swearing at the drop of a hat" shows that these reactions of your husband have become an automated feedback loop. Why is it like this? The original poster may need to think about it for himself.

I'm sure you'd agree that it's not ideal for him to argue without thinking or lie.

I just wonder, why does he have to swear? Surely you can just talk nicely?

I'm sure you can imagine how you would react if he didn't lie and didn't swear.

Let's say you're being honest with him and he says yes. How would you feel? And let's say he's being honest with you and he admits he's been playing games. How would you feel then?

I'm sure you'll agree that we need to think about how we react in this situation. Let's assume he doesn't swear that he will never play games again. How would you react?

Or to put it another way, if you accept that he plays games and that he can keep playing games, do you think he still needs to lie, argue, and swear?

I once knew a couple where the husband went out for a massage, but when his wife saw the bill, she asked him about it. He swore up and down that he hadn't gone, but we all knew he must have. So, the wife went to the massage parlor and made a scene. In the end, the husband had no choice but to tell the truth.

Then they started arguing about getting a divorce. We asked the husband why he didn't tell the truth, and he said he was too tired. He knew that if his wife found out the truth, she would also make a scene, so he was afraid and tried not to say anything.

It's so sad when a marriage ends. We can't say that one thing was right or wrong, but the result is that the marriage has come to an end. This is not what the wife wants, I'm sure.

It's clear from what the original poster said that he doesn't want a divorce and that he doesn't trust his marriage anymore. It's so important to have trust in a marriage, and it's a two-way street.

Lin Huiyin once said something really wise: "Love is like the sand in your hands: the tighter you hold on, the faster it escapes."

If you really want to make your marriage work, I've got a few tips for you!

1. From now on, trust your husband and obey him, even if you know he is lying, choose to believe him. I know it can be hard, but I promise you it will be worth it in the end!

It might be tough at first, but it's so important! When one day he realizes that you believe him no matter what he says and you don't oppose him, why would he need to lie?

2. Show your husband respect, and don't worry about trying to change him. We all have our little games, right? As long as it's not prostitution, gambling, or drugs, you don't need to discipline him. He's a grown-up, and he knows what he's doing.

We all want to save face, don't we? If you've yelled at him before, he might yell louder than you. And if you stop caring in the future, he might feel uninteresting.

3. Take the time to improve yourself. From what you've told me, it seems like things between you and your husband could use a bit of a boost. It's important to feel secure in a relationship, but it's also essential to recognize that security should come from within. Don't expect a man to be the sole provider and source of stability in your life. It's crucial to have your own independent work and income, as well as your own unique set of skills. Focus on yourself and your own happiness. You play your games, and I'm working on improving my abilities. When your husband sees that you're constantly growing and developing, he'll also feel a bit nervous, worried that you'll fly away. If you keep nagging him about not playing games, paying more for electricity, and other minor issues every day, he'll start to feel like you're relying on him.

If you are independent and self-reliant enough, even if you really separate one day, you will be so happy you didn't waste time training your husband!

In short, there's really nothing seriously wrong with the OP's husband. The OP can try to relax a little, trust him, respect him, and at the same time spend time on herself. On your excellent path, the one who should be anxious is your husband.

Dear Poster, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to check in and see if there's anything I can do to be of assistance. Best regards,

Greetings.

I believe that many marriages begin with a vision of entering the marriage hall and starting a sweet life together, surrounded by blessings and optimism for a hundred years of good luck and growing old together.

Then the days go by, the bills pile up, and the different values and behavior patterns may gradually lead someone back to a more realistic perspective.

A good marriage nourishes people, while a challenging marriage can sometimes have a negative effect on one's sense of well-being. You are in the best position to understand your own feelings on the matter.

I'm sending you lots of hugs.

I'm curious to know more about your situation.

Upon seeing that you do not want a divorce, I was intrigued.

It seems that your husband has hurt you a lot, put you under a lot of pressure, and made you feel a great sense of insecurity. Could I ask you what makes you so sure that you don't want a divorce?

It's possible that there are many good qualities about your husband that you haven't shared, which make you feel quite good and sure that you will walk hand in hand with him for the rest of your life. It's also possible that there are some concerns that prevent you from making the decision to separate, such as those from yourself, your family, or your surroundings. I would love to hear you talk about it. These are also very important.

I would like to suggest that perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following:

Before I began replying, I noticed that many others had already offered their thoughts and suggestions. I simply wanted to engage in a friendly, informal conversation.

From your description, it seems there are a few areas that you may be concerned about, such as a lack of responsibility, dishonesty, broken promises, and disregard for your feelings.

From an outsider's perspective, it could be perceived that someone who is unable to take responsibility for a family may not be mature enough to start a family. This could mean that your husband is not yet psychologically or behaviorally prepared to truly take on the responsibilities of a family.

Therefore, dear poster, you might want to consider adjusting your perception a bit. For example, you could say, "My husband is not always truthful, and he sometimes avoids his responsibilities. He may need to continue growing before he can adequately shoulder family responsibilities, and I may need to assist him."

It might be helpful to lower your expectations and truly accept the facts. This could make the days that follow more acceptable and lead to fewer arguments.

However, it is often easier for those on the outside to offer advice. Only those directly involved can truly understand the pressure and hardship.

If I may suggest, perhaps a gesture of comfort for the original poster would be beneficial.

I would like to suggest that perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following:

In the responses of other respondents, they will likely discuss exploring the motives behind your husband's needs, what he has actually been through to lead to his current behavior, separating the other person's motives from their actions, and so on. I do believe this is a helpful approach. In theory, this seems like a good way to explore and analyze the situation.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to prioritize your own well-being.

[When you are under high pressure and anxiety, you may feel a lack of control. It would be beneficial to prioritize self-care in this situation.

I would like to offer some feedback on the "surface issues" you mentioned (all in quotes).

It might be helpful to understand that exploring or changing a person can be challenging, especially if they don't have a desire to change.

It might be helpful to consider that the more immediate way to address the situation could be to first focus on the practical issues. For instance, if you can find solutions to some of the more immediate problems, it might help to reduce anxiety and increase a sense of security.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how you can adjust your mindset and emotions in the current situation.

I would like to offer some feedback on the "surface issues" you mentioned (all in quotes).

I would like to offer some feedback on the "surface issues" you mentioned (all in quotes).

1. The original poster mentioned that the individual in question has a tendency to refute statements, regardless of their veracity, and to respond with a negative assertion.

"He has a tendency to be untruthful. The screenshots of his mahjong playing are all on his phone, and he still says he didn't play mahjong. He even yelled at me louder than me. He has promised to stop on numerous occasions, but unfortunately, he has not been able to maintain this commitment. He has also sworn that he has not played again."

It might be helpful to consider the kind of environment he grew up in, as this could provide insight into his current behaviour.

[Replying "No, that's not it" seems to have become an automatic response mechanism for self-protection, and in the new family, this response continues], but perhaps your husband could benefit from understanding that.

[Old habits of behavior may not be as effective in the new family environment].

It would be fair to say that changing this habit is going to be a challenge. It is perhaps as challenging as trying to get an old chain smoker to quit smoking right away.

Perhaps it would be helpful to tell your husband:

[1. This kind of response may not be ideal. 2. It might be helpful to take a moment before answering to think about what you're going to say. 3. If you can help your husband understand that admitting it won't lead to any negative consequences, it might help you appreciate his courage. 4. Then, you can simply sit down and communicate how to do it better next time.

I believe that the issue at hand is that there seems to be a discrepancy between what he is saying and what the reality is.

2. Original text quote: "He often mentions financial difficulties, providing details about his spending, which can be overwhelming. I recently discovered discrepancies in his accounts. He stated he had paid over 2,000 yuan in electricity bills, but the records showed a few hundred. He also mentioned paying for other apps, but he couldn't provide the records. When I asked, he said he'd forgotten and deleted them. This is how much he paid..."

I believe that the most distressing aspect of this situation for you was the deception and lack of self-control on his part. Additionally, the uncertainty surrounding his actions and the lack of transparency made you feel a heightened sense of insecurity and loss of control over your husband.

I can imagine this is a challenging situation. Perhaps you could consider discussing some more practical coping strategies? For instance, if it's for utilities, you might want to look into setting up an autopay so that you're not bothered by this.

I wonder if I might ask how you and your husband manage and distribute your income. It seems to me that you hold the financial power.

I'm not sure if your husband is aware of the various income and expenditure of the family and understands the pressure on the family. Perhaps he could have a plan for his own expenses? If, before getting married, you sat down and communicated about family finances, when to have children and their education, and your values, it might have reduced the differences after marriage. It's never too late to discuss this now. If the other person has some sense of responsibility towards the family, then even reluctantly, they should also participate in the joint management of the family.

I hope this finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to see how you're doing. I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and prayers.

Dear host, I have a few more thoughts I'd like to share, but I'll leave it there for now. I imagine people are getting impatient reading it, so I'll wrap up.

I hope you will find the strength and resilience to cope with the challenges your husband has brought upon you, while also learning to manage your emotions and mindset.

I would like to suggest that we consider the possibility of discussing these issues further.

I hope and pray that you will receive blessings in this difficult time.

Yan Yan

Hello, question asker!

I can see that you're feeling pretty distressed about your marital status right now. It seems like your husband is used to lying and gambling, and it looks like he's actually doing it again after promising never to gamble again. I know we don't want a divorce, and I'm here to support you in finding a way through this together.

Who's in charge of the money? If we're not planning to get a divorce, it's time to take control of our lives. If you have a steady income and a certain amount of money, you can let him do whatever he wants. As an adult, it's your responsibility to take care of yourself.

Eventually, his money will run out, and he'll feel the pinch. It's time to stop expecting him to change and focus on ourselves. What do I need? What do I want?

It's so important to focus on improving and caring for yourself. If he really keeps on lying and shows no remorse, it might be time to ask yourself if staying faithful to him is the right choice for you.

How long should we wait for things to change? What do we want from this marriage?

I think there's a lot of pent-up frustration in our hearts. Maybe we've been paying for this family, hoping to change our husband, but it's tough to change a person. The good news is, we can change our attitude and mindset about this.

Since we can't change him, what else can we do? I know it's tough, but can we try to see the family developing and moving forward?

How should we live our lives, my friends?

Warmest wishes! I'm so sorry for the delay. From your friends at 壹心理, with love from around the globe! ?

I hope my reply can be of some help and support to you.

From your description, it seems that you are concerned about the other person's unusual behavior and the truth behind it. Have you noticed anything unusual in the relationship between the husband and wife? He keeps lying. What could be the reason behind it?

Perhaps he is unaware that his actions will eventually be discovered. Despite the potential consequences, he continues to lie.

Could I ask what he is running away from?

He is aware that he is playing mahjong, yet he persists in arguing. He cares deeply about your opinion and is keen to avoid causing you any distress. Do you see that? He is eager to obey you, but he is unable to do so.

The husband says that he has paid a lot of electricity bills, but you say that it doesn't add up. It seems that he is emphasizing the high financial burden. Perhaps it would be helpful to communicate with each other and address the issue directly in order to find a solution.

As a man, would he be willing to be held accountable for his actions? Why is that the case, and what might be the underlying truth behind it?

I observed the woman who seemed to lack trust in the man, and I also saw how much this man loved the woman, despite facing pressure to lie and hoping to be seen by her.

I also see the woman's seriousness, her tendency to see things in black and white, and her belief that communication is the key to a happy marriage. Is the man really unbearable?

Men often prioritize protecting a woman's feelings and considering her perspective. It seems like he's sending you subtle cues, and you've likely picked up on them. You've expressed a desire to maintain the marriage, which suggests there are still positive aspects to this relationship.

Perhaps you could consider that he also has a place in your heart. It might be helpful to think about how well you communicate.

Perhaps we can try to see the hardships behind this man. It might help to calm down, be a little more feminine, and listen to what the man is thinking. Getting along as a couple requires wisdom and growing and improving together. It's possible that accusing and controlling might make the other person feel inadequate. It might be helpful to give appropriate reasons and allow the man to change gracefully. It's important to remember that no matter what, you are excellent in the eyes of the man, otherwise he would not care about you so much.

Please accept my apologies for any errors or incomplete information, and for any irrationalities.

Hello, dear question asker!

Based on what you said, I have a few thoughts that I don't know if they're right or not, but I thought I'd share them with you anyway.

You say, whether what you say is true or not, he is used to lying in rebuttal and yelling even louder than you. It's so frustrating! He keeps on promising to do it again and again, and swearing as soon as he opens his mouth that he really didn't play mahjong again.

I'm not sure if you're asking whether playing mahjong is gambling. If it is, then it's definitely a problem.

Do you handle the income and expenses of the family? If he gambles, it might be a good idea for you to take control of the family finances.

It's so important to make sure he doesn't take too much money from the family to gamble with.

You said that he always said how much he spent, which put you under a lot of pressure. It was so hard for you, wasn't it? And it wasn't until you did a proper audit that you discovered that he was just making it up. This behavior really broke your heart.

I'm really curious to know if he gambled. It seems like he needs money to cover the gap, so he might have been covering up one lie with an even bigger lie.

It's like a cycle of cause and effect, and it can be so hard to stop the lies.

It's clear you don't want a divorce, and he's not a reliable person in this way. It's natural to feel insecure when you're in this situation. I also feel insecure because I don't know what to believe.

It's a good question: does he really want to quit gambling? If you think that's what he needs, you can hire a professional. You can also contact a counselor together and do a combination of family therapy and individual therapy. This may be able to solve the problem fundamentally.

I love you, world!

Good morning, my name is Gu Yi. I am modest and unassuming, as I have always been.

The fundamental nature of dishonesty.

It is generally accepted that lying is not a positive quality or habit. Many people will avoid becoming someone who lies regularly. However, when we read about our husbands, it seems that they are addicted to it. What is the reason for this that we are not aware of?

It would be beneficial to consider the circumstances of his upbringing, including the influence of his living environment and family education. A person who lies may be attempting to conceal information or protect themselves from something. There is often a starting point that has led to the current situation.

When a husband lies constantly, we confront him, look for evidence, and attempt to prove him wrong. However, this is not a necessary step in solving the problem. We must identify the root cause so that the other person can let go and develop an awareness that this behavior is unacceptable, and then change.

The capacity to demonstrate greater levels of affection and commitment.

Love is the ability to love others and the ability to perceive the love of others. Perhaps when we shout at the top of our lungs and confront each other, hoping that the other person will admit that they are lying, we just want them to realize their own problems. However, if there is no more effective approach to guiding them, even if they admit it, what can we do?

In terms of how we love and manage our marriage, we are both looking for a way of getting along that suits us. It is possible that your husband's rebuttal is simply an unconscious habit. It would be helpful for you to help him realize that he has this habit.

Through reasonable and gentle communication, we can make him aware of his problem and then work together to resolve it. By using gentle love to resolve conflicts and avoid arguments, we can foster a more powerful and mutually beneficial relationship.

Hello, I'm a counselor, and I can answer your question.

Dealing with a husband like this feels like a police procedural drama. One moment you're on high alert, the next you're making up stories.

It's exhausting just thinking about it.

You don't want a divorce.

You don't trust him. How can you stay married without security?

If trust is a prerequisite for security, this is unsolvable.

How can he regain your trust? Even if he is telling the truth, you can't be sure.

Distrust is hard to get rid of.

You may be more concerned about the family's financial security than trusting him. This can be seen from the two examples you gave.

If so, the problem will be easier to solve. Otherwise, just scroll past. I was just rambling.

My advice is simple:

1. Take control of the family finances and give him a monthly allowance.

2. If you can't control his money, talk about how much the family spends each month and how much he and you will be responsible for. You only pay for your share.

(Don't be softhearted!)

3. If you feel aggrieved, demand the same amount of money be set aside for your own use each month.

4. Don't ask about his spending money. He can do what he wants. Everyone needs hobbies and privacy, as long as it's not harmful. Small bets can be fun.

This helps you control the family's money. Husbands and wives have their own money.

He won't have to deceive you, and you can regain some trust in him.

I hope you have as much control over your family finances as you do over your happiness!

Hello, question asker! You ask, "How can a marriage continue when faced with a husband who lies all the time?"

I was drawn to your question because I also have a husband who lies. However, now that I'm more aware of his lies, I can immediately detect them and they don't affect my mood as much.

I know the reason behind every lie my husband tells, and why he lies. I don't know why your husband also lies so often. Let's take a look at your detailed question description together.

You say your husband is in the habit of arguing back. Regardless of whether what you say is true, he is in the habit of saying, "No, that's not it." He is in the habit of lying. Screenshots of him playing mahjong are all on his phone, and he still says he didn't play mahjong. He even yelled at you louder than you did.

He promises and then breaks his word. He also swears at the drop of a hat, saying that he really hasn't hit you again. He always tells you that he is short of money, saying that his expenses are huge and putting you under a lot of pressure. You only found out last night when you did the accounts that he had lied. He said that he had paid more than 2,000 yuan in electricity bills, but when you checked the records, there was only a few hundred yuan. He also said that he had paid other bills with another app, but he couldn't provide the records. He just said that he had forgotten and deleted them, and that he had paid that much anyway. This behavior really broke your heart.

You've made it clear you don't want a divorce. So how can you continue with a marriage that is so untrustworthy and insecure?

I don't know if your husband is the same as mine. Mine was unmotivated, uncommunicative, irresponsible, undecided, and unambitious. He was like a child who had not grown up.

How long have you been married? I've been married for eight years. It was really painful to meet such a husband after getting married. It's like having a child—you have to worry about everything and take care of the house and the garden.

At that time, I was working and taking care of the family at the same time. Then one day I suddenly woke up and realized that this man seemed to have little effect on himself, his children, and his family, and was lowering his standard of living. I knew then that a man, as a child's father and his wife's husband, was already dispensable, so I didn't want him.

After I made this decision, my husband started to change. He took the initiative to take care of the children, bought them a lot of educational tools, accompanied and taught the children to learn, and also started to do a little housework. When I saw his changes, I put my heart at ease and returned to the family. I still hope to give the children a complete, harmonious, and loving home.

As I learned more about myself, I gradually came to understand my husband and his family. He is a child who has never grown up. He and his mother formed a symbiotic relationship, and she took excellent care of him among the three children, while neglecting and resenting the other two sons.

This family growth model has allowed him to receive the full care and love of his mother, but it has also deprived him of the opportunity to grow up. He has developed a lack of responsibility over time, and when faced with responsibilities he should bear, he habitually avoids them.

I'll give you an example. In the past, he didn't care much about the children, but now he has started to take care of them. However, I have to keep an eye on him, and after a while, I have to give him a little nudge, otherwise he will find a way to slack off.

His company has been slow for years, so he only works half a day every day except for the two days of overtime. His salary is not very good, so he and I support the family together. I was the main breadwinner in the past, but then he had to take over the main responsibility of supporting the family due to an unexpected event, and I supported him.

At this point, he began to bear the burden of supporting the family. He also began to show behavioral resistance many times, just like your husband. He couldn't say anything, so he habitually lied or habitually argued back. I quickly learned that for someone like him, if there is no solid evidence, I shouldn't talk to him about it, and even if I do, he will just argue back. I waited until I had evidence before talking to him.

I laid the evidence before him, but he still denied it. I was speechless, but then he admitted his mistake and apologized. I told him that since he is not busy at work, the two of us had originally discussed that he find a part-time job during this time. He has graduated and worked for ten years, and although he says he will take on a part-time job, he has never taken action. I have almost found a second job, but he is still floundering in that pit with no future prospects, barely able to make ends meet.

Last year, he volunteered to run a delivery service after work. This year, he volunteered to do it again after the New Year. His colleagues also have people running it, but they have not taken action. They say that they have to help their children with their homework. However, our child is only in the first grade. My husband did not let our child do the homework assigned by the teacher for one semester last year. He said that the homework assigned by the teacher was not good here and there. He did not come up with a specific plan to help our child.

Yesterday, I told him he needed to make a timetable for helping with the children. For homework from the school teacher, he should not let the children do the work for that lesson. Instead, he needs to prepare the learning materials for the children and supervise them in completing the work every day.

I'm telling you, a husband like that is really very tiring. It's as if your husband has something in common with my husband. If you want to maintain this marriage, you'll have to grow up yourself. One person in the family has to hold it all together.

I hope my answer is helpful!

The world and I love you!