How can I deal with a possessive partner?

Hello, questioner!

It seems that your boyfriend is very possessive and has a strong hold on you, but don't worry! We can work through this together. Any relationship needs boundaries, and if they're not respected, it will only make both parties uncomfortable.

Your boyfriend's strong sense of possessiveness may be related to his family of origin, which has led to a very low sense of security. In fact, your boyfriend doesn't believe that you will always be with him, and he is very afraid of being abandoned. So, no matter what you do, he will distrust you. But don't worry! At this time, you can also comfort him, for example, "xx, please trust me, I love you very much, don't be afraid, okay? I won't leave you." Try to comfort and understand each other.

You can have great communication with your boyfriend! Express your thoughts and tell him clearly that this kind of emotional relationship makes you feel very depressed. You can even tell him what kind of way of getting along you want! Then, if your boyfriend treasures you, he will make changes according to your ideas. If your boyfriend is stubborn and unable to change, and always has too strong a possessive desire for you, it may develop into a tendency to control or violence, which will have bad consequences. But don't worry! You can work through this together.

Your boyfriend may be possessive and not want you to have friends, but remember that any relationship needs boundaries. Don't give up your circle of friends! You can even introduce your friends to your boyfriend to give him a sense of security. And don't put all your emotions into love—you've got family and friendship to consider, too! Find a balance in the relationship, trust each other, and give each other space to achieve a healthy and beautiful intimate relationship.

I really hope this helps you!

Hello, host.

I can sense the landlord's distress, and I feel a bit aggrieved myself. The other person came to the conclusion that you had made a mistake without you having done anything, and it's understandable if you feel wronged.

Ultimately, it is not our place to make that decision for you.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the issues between you and your boyfriend from the perspective of a friend.

It can be challenging to change someone else, but we can only change ourselves.

Later, after I got together with him, he informed me that he had ceased to display possessive behavior. I was inclined to believe him.

To be honest, we can only do our best to accept others for who they are, even if we would like them to be different. It's not always possible to change anyone, including our own children.

Perhaps the best approach would be to accept him for who he is, including his possessiveness and suspicious nature.

It would be ideal if the landlord could eliminate all contact with the opposite sex, but this may not be feasible.

Perhaps you could consider communicating with him and setting some boundaries regarding who you will and won't contact.

It is often said that a good man does not require supervision, but a bad man cannot be controlled.

I would like to suggest that this also applies to women.

If your boyfriend doesn't trust you, it's possible that he might find fault with you, even if you're being careful.

I believe that love is not about possession or control. It is about tolerance and allowing the other person to be happy.

I first became aware of his possessiveness when we were not yet dating. I was chatting with his friend, and he noticed it that day and expressed his frustration, suggesting that I either block him or block his friend.

A week later, he came over to apologize, saying that he had perhaps acted without thinking. I didn't take it too seriously at the time.

It's not uncommon for people to take possession of and control each other in the name of love. However, this doesn't necessarily reflect a genuine expression of love. There might be a hint of love involved, but it's not the same as true love.

Love is not about controlling or possessing the other person. It's about giving them freedom, accepting yourself, and accepting them for who they are. It's about complementing each other, being happy, and growing together.

If you feel really exhausted, perhaps you could try taking things a little more lightly and see letting go as a way of finding some relief.

At a later point in time, I engaged in a gaming session with someone I had not previously met. It so happened that he was online at the time and happened to see it.

He didn't get angry this time, but simply suggested that I continue playing with him. I explained that I didn't even know him.

He said, "What do you care?" Then he turned to his friend and said, "I'm feeling a bit down."

I inquired as to the nature of his concern. He indicated that he felt as though he had been deceived by me, which was a difficult situation for him to navigate.

I recently engaged in a game with an individual I had not previously encountered. Despite this, I did not have the opportunity to converse with them.

It is inevitable that those who are inclined to find fault will always be able to identify areas for improvement. It is not always possible to completely eliminate these concerns, but it is certainly possible to calm the other person down so that they are less concerned about them.

It may be the case that the other person is not inherently bad, but rather that when I am with them, I am not in a good place. Letting go can be a way of finding relief.

Ultimately, it's akin to what I initially stated: none of us is entitled to determine whether to terminate the relationship or to persist with the current circumstances.

If you choose to stay together, in the days ahead, the host can now, after thinking it over, believe that this is their choice, that they do not regret it, and that they can focus on solving problems, rather than complaining and regretting.

It is not easy to find someone in such a large crowd who cares about me and is affectionate and loyal. I am grateful for this person in my life and hope that they feel the same way about me.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish the original poster a happy life!

I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to take a moment to express my love and appreciation for the world around me.

Hello, my friend. I'm Liu Tangxin.

In light of your question, "What should I do if my partner is too possessive?,"

From your questions and descriptions, I get the impression that you are still quite attached to your boyfriend. Despite his somewhat strong, possessive, and even suspicious emotional expressions, you have not yet considered ending the relationship. I admire your loyalty to your own feelings and your willingness to work through difficulties with the boy you like. It's admirable that you want to overcome these challenges and adjust to being together. It's understandable that you don't want to give up a relationship just because the other person has some problems.

I can see that many excellent respondents have provided you with advice from a variety of perspectives, including psychological insights and practical experience.

I would like to offer some suggestions on realistic communication and dialogue, in the hope that they might be helpful to you.

First of all, you should talk to him and say, "I love you very much, I like you a lot, and I'm happy most of the time when I'm with you. I hope you can trust me. If I didn't like you, I wouldn't be with you, right? I believe in you, so I hope you can have confidence in yourself too! Tell him that you are only with him because you like him, and you would never do anything like cheat on him. If you don't like him anymore, you will tell him directly.

From what I can gather, he seemed to have a hard time believing you when you told him the other person was a woman and your friend. It's possible that he just couldn't fathom that you wouldn't be able to contact her, which is understandable. I'm not sure if he realized that you were trying to confirm the information, but it might have seemed like he was being a bit dismissive. I'm not sure if this is the right way to handle things, but I think it's important to be sensitive to how our actions affect others.

Perhaps it would be best not to treat all your friends this way.

It's possible that his series of reactions may be due to past experiences that have shaped his perspective. It might be helpful to approach the situation with a moderate understanding and tolerance, as he may benefit from that. Learning more about psychology could also be beneficial in fostering a more harmonious relationship.

It might be helpful to give each other some time and space to adjust, communicate well, and express yourself well. Perhaps you could let the other person give you a little more confidence, and you could also try to give him some way to feel secure. Or some activities to increase mutual trust.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to remember to love yourself while loving others.

My name is Liu Tangxin, and it is my hope that I can bring you a little sweetness.

You seem tired, depressed, angry, and confused.

This friend's paranoia and unhappiness make it hard for you to interact normally with other people. You ignore your needs and delete your normal friends, which makes you feel depressed.

You care about this friend's feelings. You know it's not your problem, but you want to satisfy the other person by changing yourself. This must make you tired and angry.

This friend is insecure because of his childhood. Maybe he had a controlling parent who didn't support him emotionally. This made him feel insecure and confused. Your relationship with him is like his early relationship with his parents.

Your feelings are just as important as theirs.

You've made many concessions to please the other person, like deleting friends you normally interact with.

If you suppress your feelings to please someone, you'll feel tired and depressed. This won't help your relationship.

But blindly compromising and accommodating won't help the other person, help them grow, or improve your relationship.

You don't need to change who you are to please the other person. Just protect yourself.

2. Tell him you won't leave.

Tell your partner you know he's worried and anxious. Assure him your normal interactions won't affect your relationship and you won't leave him.

Support your partner emotionally and give them a sense of security. This will make them feel more at ease and comfortable in the relationship.

3. Tell your partner how you feel.

Expressing your feelings, needs, and thoughts helps you understand the other person better.

In the short term, it may cause conflict, but in the long term, it will make your relationship more relaxed and intimate.

Best wishes!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From what I can see, being in love is supposed to be a happy thing. But from the questioner's description, it's clear that you're slowly losing your happiness, hobbies, and freedom. You're even compromising yourself to accommodate him for the sake of his emotions.

Before they got together, he already showed a desire to control her. After they got together, he admitted that his desire to control was wrong and promised the questioner that he would never act like that again. But he didn't mean it. It's always easier to say than to do. The questioner's partner says he won't try to control her anymore, but he does. Every action he takes is a way of controlling her.

My partner is very possessive. I need to know what I should do.

Excessive control is not love.

From the questioner's description, it's clear that their partner wants the questioner to revolve their entire world around him. From the questioner's behavior, it's evident that they are more accommodating to him. Perhaps because they love him, they give up their other social engagements for him, but his desire for control is too strong. This is a kind of psychologically pathological behavior.

He doesn't feel secure, but security is not something you can demand. This strong desire for control will slowly make the questioner feel suffocated. His desire for control also doesn't mean that he loves you too much. He feels that the questioner is his possession, so the questioner's focus must be on him. This kind of relationship is actually very tiring, because slowly giving in will make the questioner lose themselves, until they feel like a stranger to themselves.

You must maintain a good sense of boundaries.

When two people get together, they find a suitable way of getting along with each other through trial and error. The questioner has just confirmed the relationship for a short time and is already accommodating the other person in this way. If you refuse his requests or focus on other things, he will find it unacceptable.

It is crucial to maintain boundaries between partners. Attempting to control another person is a sign of a flawed relationship. Do not try to manipulate your partner into doing what you want. Only by respecting each other can you achieve a balanced relationship.

You have already been affected by your partner's behavior, as evidenced by your decision to ask this question. Take control by communicating more often, letting your partner know what you are thinking, and seeing if he changes. If he doesn't, you can make an early decision on how to proceed.

Seek professional help.

From the questioner's text, it is clear that his partner's desire for control is excessive. This pattern of getting along is not beneficial to your relationship. A strong desire for control can be improved by learning to increase your sense of security. Something in his upbringing or something he saw made him lose his sense of security with his partner. This is not something that the questioner can gain by doing what he does. The sense of security he needs is not from you, so even if the questioner submits to him again, he will never be satisfied.

If the subject's desire for control has caused pain to both of you, then you need to seek professional help. This is no longer something you can resolve on your own. Perhaps he can control himself for a short period of time, but the more he suppresses himself, the more harmful the rebound will be afterwards.

Professional psychological counseling or analysis and treatment by a psychiatrist can help you find happiness. I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner, and I wish you well.

Hello.

Host:

I am Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I have carefully read the post, and I can clearly see that you feel powerless.

The poster has also bravely expressed his distress and actively sought help, which will undoubtedly help him understand the situation better and find a comfortable way to get along.

I will now share my observations and thoughts in the post, which will help you gain a more diverse perspective.

1. The possessiveness is likely a result of a lack of security.

The original poster mentioned her boyfriend's possessiveness in the post. She also talked about a few things that happened in reality.

Let's discuss whether this possessiveness is normal. I believe that possessiveness is normal in a relationship, and that relationships involve feelings of gain and loss.

There will be some possessiveness at this time.

However, if it is excessive possessiveness, then it is likely related to his lack of a sense of security. The post also observed that the object has a strong sense of possessiveness towards you.

You're afraid someone will take your love for him or take you away, even if it's a stranger. His sense of security is also at stake.

His sense of security likely stems from his upbringing in his early years. To gain a deeper understanding and knowledge of the subject, the landlord should talk to him about his original family, experiences, and educational environment.

Moreover, excessive possessiveness is undoubtedly a lack of self-confidence. This is something we must consider.

2. Express your feelings.

The post clearly shows that the host has deleted friends several times to appease the other person. This proves that the host cares a lot about the other person's feelings.

But I think you have also noticed that when the other person always behaves in this way, you also feel stressed and powerless, right? So let's take a look now at how we can respond to the other person.

The landlord should communicate with the object at the right time to express their feelings. This will let the object know how his behavior makes you feel.

Once you've expressed your feelings, try sharing some of your thoughts too. This will help you communicate better.

It is crucial to express ourselves in communication to clarify our boundaries. Listening to him is also essential to gain a deeper understanding of the subject.

3. Decide whether you can accept the situation if he doesn't change.

It's important to recognize that possessiveness can often be disguised as love. Many TV dramas illustrate this.

This situation can also arise in reality. Excessive possessiveness may hurt the other person, so they must admit their mistake and forgive.

Such things happen in reality.

The original poster should consider whether they can accept the situation if the person is unwilling to change and is unaware that this is a problem. From a psychological perspective, if a person is unaware of their issues, it is very difficult for others to help them change.

If he doesn't make any adjustments, he'll undoubtedly have a lot of demands on you, and they'll probably be high. If you love him, you may also be tired of loving him. Ask yourself if you're prepared for this kind of protracted battle.

This will take a lot of mental energy.

4. Get professional help.

The original poster should seek professional help. This could be a counselor or learning psychology. Either way, it will help. If you're interested, read "I Wish You Knew Before Marriage."

I am confident that these will be of some help and inspiration to you.

It is recommended that the original poster be comforted from a distance.

Description provided by the questioner

The initial observation of possessiveness occurred prior to the commencement of a romantic relationship. The individual in question subsequently visited the residence of the other party a week later to express remorse and assert that he was unable to regulate his emotions.

Subsequently, the possessiveness has dissipated. The individual with whom one engages in games is the girlfriend of a friend. Additionally, he will reprimand you.

Additionally, engaging in games with an unfamiliar individual and subsequently disclosing one's emotional distress to acquaintances is a problematic practice.

He indicated that he was inexperienced and that the situation was challenging for him.

The following advice is directed to the questioner:

There are several points that require clarification for the questioner.

Firstly, it is essential that both parties in a relationship maintain an appropriate level of personal space, demonstrate mutual respect, and exhibit supportiveness towards each other.

If the other party encroaches upon one's entire private space during the course of a relationship, this constitutes an infringement of one's human rights and a lack of respect for the individual in question.

During the course of the relationship, the other party will engage in unreasonable suspicion that the subject is engaging in infidelity. There is no inherent wrongdoing in the subject's behavior, and it is not a reflection of the subject's character. However, to the other party, it is akin to the creation of an imaginary adversary, which is a personal issue and has no bearing on the subject's actions.

The fact that he displays this kind of behavior outside the relationship indicates that he still exhibits a pronounced degree of inner insecurity and a lack of inner security, which he needs to address independently.

Additionally, the manner in which the other individual addresses you in an unusual tone of voice may also suggest the character of this person, or that their approach to matters is not sufficiently mature or appropriate. It may be beneficial for the inquirer to reflect on the nature of the relationship between you.

Good morning, thank you for allowing me to address your question. Before we proceed, if it is not an imposition, I would like to offer you a gesture of support and encouragement.

From my perspective, what you describe as happening between you and your boyfriend is not uncommon in relationships. It may be that it is more pronounced in your case, but it is not unusual.

From a psychological perspective, it seems that your boyfriend has his own characteristics in terms of "sense of security" in interpersonal relationships, which is usually related to the attachment patterns formed during a person's upbringing. To gain a more comprehensive understanding, it would be helpful to have more information about his upbringing, growth experience, and living environment.

You may wish to consider whether you are willing to continue this relationship with him, and how you might develop it further. If you do decide to continue, you may also want to think about how you will live with him.

If you are open to continuing the relationship, you might consider seeking the guidance of a psychologist. A period of counseling from the perspective of how to establish an intimate relationship can help you identify and address the issues, allowing you to strengthen the relationship and protect yourself in the process.

I hope you find this information helpful, but please remember that it is just my personal opinion and should be taken as such. Please take care of yourself.

Hello, my name is Heart Detective Coach, and I'm here to listen to you with a warm and sincere ear.

Take a moment to notice how you're feeling right now. In an intimate relationship, it's common to feel like your partner is trying to control you. This can make you feel like you've lost your freedom and independence. It can also leave you feeling physically and mentally exhausted, cautious, and afraid of damaging the relationship.

Let's start with a warm hug and then take a look at the problem together.

1. Take a moment to think about how you might be either manipulating or being manipulated in your most important relationships.

Communication is so important in all our relationships, whether it's between couples, parents and children, or anyone else.

We often talk about a "generation gap," but what we really mean is that we could all do with learning to communicate more effectively.

Sadly, though, people often use the excuse of "communication" to try to control and change the other person.

Communication is so important for our lives, and it's especially crucial in relationships. As they say, "relationships are the whole point of life."

Control: You try every means to get the other person to do things your way, as if the other person were a puppet and you were the one pulling the strings, because you have your own goals in mind.

When we try to control someone, it's because we want to keep them within the scope of our influence. It's natural to want to influence others, but it can be exhausting!

Let's say your partner always wants to "control" you. When he feels like you're out of his control, he might get a little crazy, angry, and even take extreme actions like blocking you.

It's so important to remember that he is draining your energy as well as his own. You need to constantly pay attention to and consider his feelings and how your actions may affect him (which he interprets as "hurt").

It's so important to be able to see the patterns of interaction between you. When you can see what's going on, you can start to make changes. And seeing means having a choice.

For example, through effective communication, you can really get to know each other better. You can understand your partner's needs, share your views and feelings, meet each other's needs within the limits of both parties' abilities, and work together to find solutions to problems.

2. Try to understand what's motivating the other person's behavior.

There are right and wrong ways to act, but it's so important to remember that the motivation behind our actions is what really matters.

It's possible that your partner isn't aware that they're controlling you. We all have our own unique patterns, including our behaviors, thoughts, and emotions.

These patterns are formed first of all by what we see and learn from our parents, and they come from the influence of our original family on us.

These patterns are fixed because they've served us well! For example, by "controlling" an object or person, we can gain control in a relationship and feel secure.

It's not okay to control someone else, but it's important to remember that the motivation behind it is usually to feel more in control and secure.

When someone doesn't feel safe, they might try to gain certainty and control by influencing the people around them, especially those who are vulnerable. They might try to make others do things according to their wishes or even control other people's lives. They often say things like "it's for your own good" to justify their actions, but what they're really trying to do is feel safe.

When a person feels secure enough, they'll trust the people around them, especially their children, to do their own thing in their own way.

When a person is confident enough about their sense of security, they'll be free to live their lives and enjoy themselves without needing to manipulate others. Otherwise, they'll end up being a puppet, manipulated by that person.

So, it's really important to feel secure, because it affects the quality of life of those around you.

3. What's related to whether or not you can feel "secure"?

It's all connected to self-worth, which is really important!

It's so important to feel good about yourself! When you feel good about yourself, you feel secure. People with high self-worth have confidence in themselves and the world around them.

So, it's clear that self-worth is the foundation of a person's mental health. It's also the case that almost all of life's challenges, from marriage to career, wealth, and child education, are connected to self-worth. In fact, we could even say that the root of all psychological problems lies in self-worth.

Self-worth is a person's own personal opinion of how valuable they are.

When a person has a strong sense of self-worth, they're naturally inclined to want to improve themselves and do good in the world.

When a person has a very low opinion of themselves, it can be really tough for them to get along with others. They often worry too much about what other people think, and this can get in the way of a marriage or business partnership. Unfortunately, this can also affect their wealth, relationships with their children, and even their lives.

Insecurity is often tied to childhood experiences. The years between 4 months and 3 years old are especially important for building a sense of security. A person's sense of security can be shaped by the relationship between their parents, their parents' companionship, and their parenting style.

People who don't feel secure can end up struggling with a range of issues, including personality disorders, mood disorders, and interpersonal relationship problems. But the good news is that healing is possible! By boosting your sense of self-worth, you can naturally start to feel more secure.

I would love for you to read my article, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it," on my personal homepage, but unfortunately, due to limited space, I can't include the link here.

I also suggest you read books like "If Only I Knew Before Marriage" and "Psychological Nutrition." You can play a really helpful role in healing your partner's sense of security.

I really hope this has been helpful for you! And I just want to say that I love you and the world loves you too ?

If you'd like to keep chatting, just click the "Find a Coach" button in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to keep talking with you one-on-one!

Hello, question asker?

I'm an intern cat and a listening therapist at Yixinli.

A man with a strong sense of possessiveness will affect his own sense of experience in the relationship. He'll also feel wronged and distrusted. From the question, you can tell that he feels powerless, right?

What do you think?

[Possessiveness] is a psychological phenomenon. People who are possessive of something they love will cherish it and only allow themselves to touch it. They'll feel uncomfortable if others get too close.

Possessiveness is also a natural result of love. When two people love each other and live together, they have a responsibility to care for, love, and protect each other.

Men are usually much more possessive than women. This sense of responsibility can lead to another strong sense of possession, a desire to control and possess, and not allow others to lay a finger on the other person.

There are lots of reasons why possessiveness can emerge. It might be because of a deep love; it could also come from an inferiority complex, fear of not being worthy of the other person; it might also be a lack of security, so they can't help but doubt and suspect; and some people may just think that this is a way to express their emotions.

❗️❗️Most of the signs of excessive possessiveness are similar. For example, they want to control everything about their partner, including their clothing, food, housing, transportation, and even their personal habits. They also constantly suspect that their partner has changed their heart and is cheating on them, and they want to monitor their partner's phone, not just in the real world, but also in the virtual world, spying on every word and action.

❗️❗️Such possessiveness won't improve the relationship. It'll make the other person feel dissatisfied and cause arguments. Long-term suspicion and jealousy will also make the other person lose confidence in the relationship.

People who are too possessive aren't happy because they're filled with fear, anger, or dissatisfaction all day long.

[What to do?]

Give them the right medicine and enough security.

Some men have a strong sense of possessiveness because they lack a sense of security. This may be due to their family of origin or some past experience.

Once we've identified the root cause of the problem, we can then prescribe the right remedy.

Effective communication is key.

If you notice that a man's possessiveness is affecting your life, it's important to communicate.

If you don't communicate and just keep these emotions to yourself, the other person won't know there's a problem and won't want to make any changes. At the same time, you'll feel more and more suffocated by the feeling of being controlled, and this will damage the relationship.

When you're communicating, you can try the "Nonviolent Communication" method. This means observing, feeling, needs, and requests, and telling the other person what you're thinking. Similarly, you should also allow the other person enough room to express themselves, so that their inner feelings can be released, thereby alleviating the inner possessiveness.

Be open about your feelings.

We often say, "If you love someone, please say it out loud." Some men make things difficult for their partners because they want to express their love. They may not be good with words and don't know how to express themselves.

If there's someone who can tell him and show him that loving someone doesn't necessarily mean being possessive all the time, and that there are other ways to express love, that would be great.

When you show your love, it helps the other person feel loved too, which can make them less possessive.

Hello, thank you for your question.

From what you said, I can tell you're upset, helpless, and worried. It seems like you don't understand or agree with your boyfriend's possessiveness.

Why do people want to possess others?

There's a reason behind every action. Let's look at what my boyfriend might be trying to tell us by being "possessive."

He wants to tell you that other men may hurt you.

He's trying to tell you that other people might affect your relationship, so he can feel more secure by "possessing" you.

He's trying to tell you that he's possessive of you and other things or people.

Possible explanations for the motive:

Motivation 1: He's afraid someone will hurt you. He wants the best for you through "possession" and forgets about your feelings.

Motivation 2: He's worried that your excessive contact with others will make him spend less time with you. He tries to gain a sense of security through "possession."

Motivation 3: An inherent habit. This may be a way for him to express emotions and thoughts that he cannot say out loud.

Our coping strategies

If your boyfriend just wants to show he cares and is afraid of hurting you, tell him you understand. This approach is also causing you distress.

If you're worried your relationship will be affected, take the initiative to show him you love him and will meet his needs.

For motivation 3: Consider if he has a controlling desire in other areas. If so, "possession" may be an inherent habit of his.

The above is just my opinion. I hope it helps.

Thanks!