How can I deal with the pressure of taking exams from my parents while I am eager to leave this "home"?

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing now, and I'm here to help!

I'm here for you, and I'm sending you another warm hug.

It's true that our parents will always see us as their little children, never grown up.

That's why they want to control everything.

It's totally normal to find it tough growing up in a family where your parents are really controlling.

But you are now in college and an adult, so you can definitely draw a clear line with your parents.

So, how can you make sure you have your own space and your own space?

I think a better way for you would be to work part-time after school to earn some extra money. That way, you can achieve your financial independence.

When you become financially independent, you can move out on your own. No more living with your parents!

But if you're not quite there yet, there's no shame in living with your folks! So, what's the best way to make it work?

If this is the case, I think it would be a great idea to distract your parents and give them something to do.

For example, you could arrange for them to participate in some interest classes at an adult college.

Another great option is to let them go square dancing!

When they have something to do, they'll be less likely to hover around you all the time. They might even want to get involved in what kind of certificate you want to take!

I can imagine it must be tough for you right now. It seems like your parents are probably feeling a bit idle, and they might be wanting to take over and manage everything for you.

I really hope the problem you're facing can be solved soon.

I really hope this helps! I'm sorry I can't think of more right now, but I'm sending you lots of love and support.

I really hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you! I'm always here for you, and I'm studying hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Wishing you all the best!

Everything outside is a reflection of your inner energy!

In real life, you're not alone! Many people are in the same situation as you.

For example, why do my parents not trust me, but are always willing to believe in other people's children?

For example, some people say, "Why doesn't my wife listen to my advice, but instead listens to Lao Wang next door?"

You know what? You can't blame others for these problems. You can only blame yourself!

It's not your fault! Once you understand the nature of the problem, you can work on it together.

Let me tell you something. When parents arrange everything for you and even express their love for you by being overprotective, it is because they do not realize that you are already an adult. They see you as a child who will never grow up and will always need them to show you the way, but you are so much more than that!

But the reason for their misconception is still with you, because you have never done anything that they can be proud of independently since you were young. You have not given them enough sense of security, including the fact that you did not get into a good university, which makes them afraid that you will not have a good future. As parents, they always want the best for their children, so they keep filling you with ideas and paving the way for you, and they make you eat whatever they think is nutritious, whether you like it or not.

You can't change them, but you can change yourself!

First, it's important to understand that your parents have the best intentions for you. Don't fight against them!

Second: You need to grow up quickly. The good news is that you can get a part-time job to earn some extra money!

Or you can enrich their other experiences! You can also study hard and get

Show them your scholarship or join some extracurricular clubs to do some

TV programs and so on. In short, you have to let them know that you have grown up, and it's a great opportunity to show them what you can do!

You can have your own life, and you can even support yourself now!

And let them know that their children can be strong and self-reliant!

Self-reliance and self-love. They'll understand eventually, and they'll get it!

Take your time, there's no need to worry!

You should be so grateful to have such attentive parents! Make sure you understand and absorb their words in a rational way.

Best of luck!

Good day.

It is possible to discern the underlying emotions and feelings.

It is evident that your parents have overstepped their boundaries. Their direct interference and control over your affairs has led to a sense of being unacceptable. You even desire to escape from home, as if you were seeking liberation from their control.

You respect yourself, your true emotions and feelings, your needs and ideas. You are loyal to yourself, have your own boundaries and bottom lines, and are also independent. You have a strong opinion about your own affairs and are responsible for your own planning. However, your parents do not understand or see this.

On the one hand, their expectations, worries, and anxieties contribute to this dynamic. On the other hand, your avoidance of communication and lack of initiative in expressing your feelings and thoughts to them leaves them without the understanding of your true self.

When they interact with you, they are operating from a set of assumptions about who you are and what you need. They will offer advice, make plans for you, urge you, and nag you in every way they see fit for your own good.

Regarding your pursuit of a university education, it is evident that your parents have not met your expectations and requirements. This has caused them concern, particularly given your current status as a junior in college. From their perspective, they may perceive the university you have chosen as suboptimal, which could potentially impact your future development and career prospects. Consequently, they may intensify their efforts to encourage you to enhance your qualifications and competitiveness. This could involve taking the CET-4 and CET-6 exams, pursuing professional certifications, and making various efforts to improve your skills, employability, and social recognition.

It is evident that your parents prioritize your affairs above all else. They may not prioritize their own needs to the same extent as they prioritize yours, and they may demonstrate this by urging you to take action with such dedication.

Your parents may be preoccupied with understanding the employment prospects and the process of obtaining a four-level certificate or a teacher's qualification certificate. They may have also invested significant effort behind the scenes. In their view, these may be the only things they can do for you. At the appropriate time and in the most effective manner, they will encourage you to complete these tasks to avoid missing out on future opportunities. They may also experience feelings of guilt for not doing more for you.

It would be preferable for parents not to be aware of the extent to which their efforts and dedication are causing distress to their children.

As a result of the lack of active expression, there is a perception that the parents do not understand the individual. The desire to avoid and escape from them is therefore understandable. From the parents' perspective, the individual is perceived as more rebellious and defiant. They are also seen as immature and lacking in self-reliance. Instead, they are encouraged to make up for perceived shortcomings and to plan for the future.

In these matters, parents have not provided their children with the tools to affirm, permit, trust, encourage, and appreciate. Their actions have led children to feel unrecognized, denied, doubted, and distrusted, similar to the experience of pursuing higher education. They have kept children engaged in sports until their junior year. What about the instance when they failed the exam and were unable to gain admission to their desired university, resulting in their enrollment in this mediocre school that fails to meet the child's needs?

It can also be said that this is akin to our own scars, which are revealed and torn open repeatedly by our own parents.

In the context of this family dynamic, parents often unintentionally contribute to a negative and restrictive environment. To achieve a sense of comfort, freedom, and happiness, many individuals may feel compelled to distance themselves from the perceived control, intimidation, and limitations imposed by their parents.

It is important to note that when this topic is discussed, it often evokes a strong emotional response, often anger. This anger may be accompanied by a sense of repression and pain. It is crucial to understand that children thrive when they feel affirmed, accepted, understood, allowed, believed in, liked, and praised by their parents.

Hello, question asker!

Thank you so much for the invitation and the question! I'm really happy to have this chance to chat with you about this. I really hope my answer is helpful.

I've experienced a bit of that pressure from parents myself. When I was in school, I was encouraged to get into a good university. Then, when I went to university, I was urged to get a certificate. After graduation, I was advised to find a good job. And when I was working, I was encouraged to find a good partner. It can feel like our lives are being rushed along by our parents, who never let go. This can bring us a lot of pressure and make them feel uneasy. Today, let's discuss together why they are like this.

I'd love to know what's behind the parents' pressure.

1. Projection by parents: They often project their own fears onto us. They may think that if we don't get a certificate, we won't find a good job, and if we can't find a good job, we won't find a good partner, and if we can't find a good partner, we won't be able to live a good life. They worry that we won't be able to live a good life, and project all their fears onto us.

2. They don't always know when to stop, and they might not realize that they're pushing their boundaries a bit.

3. They haven't done a great job of separating the issues. At the end of the day, whether or not to take a test and what certificate to take is the child's own business.

4. They don't see their children as adults, but as little ones who are still learning and growing.

We all know how it feels when our parents rush us. It can be really uncomfortable!

1. We all feel bad and rejected when we're rushed.

2. It seems like you've been missing out on the chance to take control of your own life.

3. It's totally normal to feel angry when you feel like your boundaries are being violated.

4. It can be really tough when parents don't trust you.

5. And there's also a bit of a rebellious streak, which is totally understandable!

I just want to check in with you and see if you feel like your ability to deal with problems has really been interfered with.

1. It's totally understandable to feel a bit unsettled. You can still follow your own plan, even though your parents are at home and you're at school. They're not going to interfere with your ability, but they might make you feel a little emotional. It's these emotions that make you think that your ability is also being interfered with.

2. I'd love to understand why you feel your abilities are being interfered with.

It's totally normal to agree with your parents on some things, but it can feel controlling when they control what you do. It's not that they're giving you bad advice, but it can feel like they're controlling your life.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help you figure out if leaving home is really the solution.

While leaving home might bring a moment of peace and less nagging, their way of thinking won't change. They might still nag you on the phone when you're not at home, but at least you'll have the freedom to ignore it!

[What to do?

1. First, take a moment for yourself. I think it's really important to think about what kind of life you want to lead and how you can make it happen. What certificate are you aiming for?

How long do you think it'll take to pass? You can make a detailed plan if you want to!

2. After that, it's a great idea to chat with your parents. You might feel like these things are your own business and there's no need to tell them, but if you don't, they might not understand your thoughts and plans. A lack of understanding could lead to a lack of trust in you. It's a good idea to tell them clearly that you're now a grown-up and have your own plans. My plan is XXXX.

It's so important to communicate with your parents, especially when you're a grown-up! If you don't tell them what you're thinking and planning, they might get confused and feel uncomfortable.

I'd also really recommend reading the book "Nonviolent Communication" if you get a chance. I think you'll find it really inspiring!

Good day.

I am pleased to be able to offer you some advice.

From your description, it is evident that there is a lack of clarity regarding the boundaries between you and your parents. They continue to view you as a child in all aspects, which may be perceived as a reflection of their belief that you have not yet reached adulthood. This has led to a perception that they are overprotective and overly invested in planning for your future.

From your perspective, you have your own plans and ideas for your future, and you want to live your life according to your own vision. This conflict between you and your parents has become apparent.

Firstly, your status as a third-year college student with your own plans and goals is a positive indicator. It demonstrates that you have a clear concept and definition of your future. You will gain insight into your strengths and aspirations, allowing you to pursue a fulfilling and meaningful career.

From your perspective, you may feel that your parents' demands are unreasonable and unsuitable for you. Additionally, they will complain daily about your lack of admission to a reputable university.

In light of these considerations, it is essential to conduct a rational and objective analysis of their specific inner thoughts.

From their perspective, they would prefer not to see their children experience any difficulties. They hope that through their efforts and vision, they can provide their children with a very good life. However, they are unaware that some of their ideas cannot be fully realised.

They failed to consider that a different approach would be required for each individual, taking into account their unique character and circumstances. You are a case in point.

You desire autonomy on a spiritual level and a vibrant intellect, with your own initiatives and the flexibility to pursue them. You value a lifestyle of freedom and relaxation. However, parents may perceive the current era as a source of concern due to its potential to influence young individuals in ways that differ from their own experiences. In their era, the focus was often on academic excellence and practical skills as pathways to a stable life.

In today's competitive job market, a lack of certifications, such as a driver's license or a teaching certificate, can significantly impact a child's future career prospects.

They have reached this conclusion after reviewing numerous similar reports, which has led to concerns about their children and requests for actions that may not align with your preferences.

It is evident that your parents are sincere in their advice, but their approach may not align with your current needs and goals. Instead of criticizing them, it is important to understand their perspective and communicate your plan clearly.

Furthermore, they are concerned that we lack direction in our lives due to our youth, and they wish to assist us. We can address this by communicating our plans, future aspirations, and concrete steps to our parents. Additionally, we have considered ways to alleviate their concerns.

This will relieve them of some of the concerns they currently have about your situation and provide them with a better understanding of your boundaries, allowing you to return to a more relaxed state of mind.

Furthermore, parents should consider their own thoughts and whether their life plan is well-defined.

While parents' concerns may not be entirely irrelevant, they can offer valuable input and insights from their perspective.

As an example, for the CET-4 and CET-6, driver's license, and teaching certificate, we can also include these as personal objectives and consider their relevance to our life plan.

If these are not relevant to your plans, you may proceed with your own initiatives. If you find your parents' suggestions beneficial and can implement a few of them, you are encouraged to do so.

In conclusion, I would like to address the ongoing issue between you and your parents regarding your university admission. From your perspective, it seems that your parents have consistently rejected you, which has led to a lack of respect and boundaries. This has, in turn, made communication challenging and resistant.

It is important to note that your parents are of an advanced age and may exhibit repetitive behaviors when performing tasks or speaking. This may become a norm for them in the future. It is also possible that they have placed a significant amount of hope on your academic success, which they may find difficult to let go of. This may be a source of emotional distress for them, leading to repeated expressions of their expectations.

Perhaps we can agree on the type of university to apply to in this area. However, from their perspective, they may feel that this school does not align with their expectations, which could lead to emotional challenges. It is therefore important to allow your parents time to process their feelings in response to this matter.

They find it challenging to move on from the incident, which is why they continue to discuss it. I believe that when they do so, it is important to remind them that it has been many years since the event occurred and that they have made significant progress. I also suggest that they consider the benefits of accepting the situation and moving forward.

This approach will enable us to assist parents in returning to a calm emotional state and achieving healing. It will also facilitate true mutual understanding and tolerance, as well as more effective communication between you.

I wish you the best of success.

Should you wish to continue the dialogue, you are invited to click on the "Find a Coach" link, which you will find in the top right-hand corner or at the bottom of the page. I will then be happy to communicate with you on an individual basis.

One Psychology Q&A Community, World, and I Love You: https://m.xinli001.com/qa

Hello, dear questioner!

I am sunshine, and I am so grateful that the questioner's self-awareness has brought up such a topic, triggering me to reflect on my past experiences. We all grow through overcoming pain to become independent and free!

Also, it seems that most Chinese parents have the "control complex" and think they know what's best for their children, hijacking their own ideas. I really understand how difficult it is for the OP, but it's so great that you have self-awareness and have come here for help, which opens up the possibility of changing your fate. Let's discuss it together!

Let's start by trying to untangle the confusion and problems the questioner is facing. It'd be great to understand and analyze them together.

I've already gone to university, and my parents are always saying that I didn't go to a good university. Then they rush me to get certificates, like CET-4 or CET-6, a driver's license, a teaching certificate...

It seems like the parents of the questioner are using their own ideals to make arrangements for you. Have you had a chance to talk about taking these exams?

After all, if you really want to achieve something, you have to complete various "certification exams" yourself.

I know they say it's for my own good, but I'm already in college! What am I going to take exams for? Don't you have your own plans and goals? And I've already been to college, I'm a junior, and you're still complaining that I didn't go to a good college. Is that funny? If you're so good, go take the exam yourself!

I'm an adult with my own plans, and I think it's important to set boundaries. I'm not comfortable with others crossing this line. It makes me feel uncomfortable, and it makes it harder for me to deal with problems on my own. I'd really like to leave this "home."

It seems like the questioner's parents have a strong sense of "family kidnapping," but this might be something they're not even aware of. It's possible they've placed their unfulfilled goals on the questioner?

It's possible that parents are used to complaining because of the environment in which they grew up. Have they "naturally inherited" their parents' "parenting model" when it comes to the questioner? Is their complaint full of expectations for the questioner?

It's possible that your parents don't see you as an adult. They may have always treated you like a child, which is probably the result of their own habits and unconsciousness.

The questioner, you have a strong sense of self-awareness and have learned to master the "boundaries" between parents and children that parents have never been aware of. In reality, however, they are practicing the "family affection kidnapping model"? It's totally normal to feel uncomfortable and want to leave home. It's all part of the journey towards self-awakening and growth.

I'm here to help!

In response to the specific situation of the questioner, we can try to deal with it in this way:

First, it's really important to recognize and accept your own limitations as a parent. And it's also good to recognize your parents' limitations and immature/controlling behavior.

1. It's possible that the questioner has been a "good child" since childhood and has been "controlled" by their parents. It's understandable that parents want to treat their children with love and guidance, but it's also important to recognize that everyone needs space to grow and express themselves. Parents who treat their children like children may not realize that they're also experiencing limitations in parenting.

2. The book "Parents Who Never Grow Up" is a great read! It tells the story of how parents were also treated the same way by their own parents and never knew that people are actually independent individuals.

The second step is to gradually become independent, gradually try to "separate issues" with parents, express and communicate with parents, and establish a psychological boundary.

1. It's totally normal to feel pain and dissatisfaction when you're being controlled by your parents. It can even lead to a lot of suppressed anger inside. When we feel "pain," from a psychological point of view, whoever is in pain will change. That's why it's so important for the questioner to learn to change himself.

2. First of all, follow your heart. When the questioner realizes that they no longer want to be controlled by their parents, and when they have emotions, they must realize that the emotions are there to remind you that you must take responsibility for your own life, be independently responsible for your own life, and from now on, put your own needs first.

3. Your parents can control you, and they can temporarily disagree with your requests, but whether they accept them or not depends on you. It's okay to let your parents control you and go your own way. Maybe you are not financially independent yet? But one day, you will grow up!

It's so important to distinguish between things that come from God, things that come from your parents, and things that are your own. And the great thing is, only your own things are within your control!

Third, it's so important to express your feelings and attitudes honestly. And remember, you have the power to choose to be your true self at the right time.

1. It's totally normal to have conflicts with your parents because your views differ. It's okay to feel this way! You can learn to bravely express your true feelings. Even if you are not yet able to leave your parents for the time being, you can have your own firm attitude and expression regarding the choices in your life.

2. It's so important to express your true feelings to your parents. If you're not sure how to do this, I'd highly recommend reading this book. It's all about using a method called "Nonviolent Communication" to express your feelings, thoughts, decisions, and expectations of your parents. The more often you express yourself, the more your parents will see your attitude, and they may lose control. When you have the ability, support the questioner in choosing to leave home at the right time.

3. It's so important to always reflect on yourself and independently choose the coping method that suits you to "compete" with your parents. Whenever your parents try to control you, just remind yourself:

(1) My needs are just as important as my parents' needs.

(2) I have the right to make my own free choices without feeling guilty.

(3) Of course, my parents can make requests of me, but I don't want them to threaten me.

(4) We are not the property of our parents, and we're not their servants either.

(5) They can judge, control, blame, etc., but you have the choice to take responsibility for your own life.

I really hope this helps! I pray that the questioner will truly begin to take responsibility for their own life and also for the results of their independent decisions. Be a free person in control of your own destiny!

?

I am a person of one heart, sunshine, the world, and I love you ??

Dear questioner,

From your question, it seems like you went to college, but your family still urged you to get a certificate, which made you feel annoyed, violated, and negatively emotional. It's totally understandable! It can feel like your family is controlling you and you want to escape from this environment.

It's totally normal to have some confusion around boundaries. We all do! It's okay to feel a bit unsure about what's okay to ask for and what's not. We're all learning and growing together. If you notice any of the following in yourself or others, it might be a sign that we could benefit from a little more clarity around our personal space. Some examples of this could be:

It's so important to remember that excessive family intervention can actually violate a sense of boundaries and make us feel uncomfortable. But from another perspective, family members may also just give us some advice, and we can choose to listen or not, to do or not to do, because we are the ones who will lead the outcome of things. It's so important to choose what we plan and what we need in our hearts.

The above respondent also made a great point about accepting the limitations of our parents' thinking. After all, they're not us, so they can't give advice based on our perspective. It's so true that parents and we are actually progressing and growing together! And since we know what our own plan is, we have the freedom to reject or ignore parental control, intervention, etc. It's our right as an independent individual to do so. I think it's so important to develop independent thinking, have an independent personality, and be able to stick to ourselves. These are the things that matter most!

I really hope this helps the questioner!