My dear child, I want you to know that I admire your courage. Despite the challenges you're facing, you're still offering guidance on how to become a responsible child and how to navigate friendships with your classmates.
At this time, it is not necessary to be sensible children, nor is it necessary to be friends with bullies. It is important to be brave and strong children.
During my retake of the college entrance exam, I was also bullied because I was different from others. I was spat on when walking on the street, and the head of the dormitory threw all my beddings into the corridor in front of everyone, so that I had to share a bed with the security guard in the dormitory for a week. During this period, the teacher was aware of the situation but did not intervene, as he believed that as long as I had a place to sleep, it was fine. It is understandable that parents may not realize the extent of the pressure you are under, as they may not fully comprehend the difficulties you are facing. It is also challenging for people who dislike us to like us.
How might we encourage children to become brave and strong?
It would be beneficial to learn to express your emotions.
It is unfortunate when we are bullied and unable to find help. In such situations, it is important to express our feelings.
It can be helpful to take the first step of learning to cry. If you have friends, you might consider asking them to cry with you. If you don't have friends, you might find it beneficial to find a place where no one can hear you and let it all out. I once cried for five hours until my scalp went numb and my lips cracked. If you really have no one to be alone with, you can still cry on the way home (no one on the street knows you anyway). It's important to remember that there is no shame in crying. It's not wrong, and it's okay. The worst thing you can do is suppress your emotions.
The second step is to learn to sort things out. After crying, it might be helpful to take a deep breath to calm yourself down, think carefully about the people who bullied you, and consider who might be able to help you.
It might be helpful to write down your experience of being bullied. If you find it difficult to do at first, you might like to take your time and write while crying. If you can't fully recall the experience and it still makes you feel bad, you could try writing it down again and again. It's important to remember that there is no shame in being bullied and that it's okay to feel shy when recalling it. Being brave and facing your dark experiences is an important first step to becoming a brave child.
It is not necessary to forget the hurt that has happened to us, as this is not a realistic goal. Instead, we should try to face it bravely and honestly, as if we were facing a challenge.
2. It would be beneficial to learn to think rationally.
I believe that with repeated statements, we will be able to regain our own wisdom and think rationally about things.
Who might be able to help us? Perhaps our parents could play a role here.
I wonder if I might also ask how we can support teachers and school leaders in this process?
Perhaps we should consider whether the police and social media are the best options in this case. It might be helpful to seek assistance from others, even if there is a chance of rejection.
It seems that for the majority of school bullies, the shelter of any adult is a strong deterrent. It may therefore be helpful to seek help from the adults around us as much as possible. When I was bullied, my parents felt that I deserved it (they still have some reservations about my status as an outsider today), my teachers only cared about my grades, and my classmates distanced themselves from me because I was an outsider.
However, I discovered that the dorm manager was understanding of my situation, so I made an effort to converse with him frequently. Subsequently, when I was asked to leave the dorm, he not only welcomed me back, but also went to great lengths to ensure I had meals every day (I was asked to leave the dorm when I injured my knee). Eventually, he even visited the dorm and expressed his concerns to the roommates, describing them as "inadequate". He also approached the teacher and inquired about the curriculum, suggesting that it might benefit from a more holistic approach to education.
It's possible that the people bullying you feel powerful when they're doing it, or perhaps they feel different from you and want to exclude you. It's also possible that they feel that if others bully you, they should do the same or they'll be seen as outsiders too. It seems that they've lost any basic empathy for you, and your suffering doesn't seem to matter to them.
Given these circumstances, it's challenging to avoid offending them. One way to improve the situation could be to focus on our physical fitness, exercise daily (perhaps with weights), and eat a balanced diet that includes meat.
When we are offended, it is important to learn to cheer ourselves up, be brave, hold our heads high, and pretend we don't see them. If they don't let up, it may be helpful to make eye contact with them. When we are laughed at, it is good to learn to ignore their voices and keep our heads held high and our eyes calm. If we are surrounded and beaten up, it is important to learn to protect ourselves as much as possible to ensure our vital parts don't get hurt. If we encounter a life-threatening threat, it may be helpful to escape as soon as possible, ask for help, or even feign helplessness to delay the situation. When we are being bullied, it is helpful to keep evidence (recordings, find out where the school has surveillance cameras, or set up video recordings in advance).
My child, I'll tell you how I returned to the dormitory that year. I approached the dormitory head and expressed my sincere apologies.
After a considerable amount of time had passed, the dormitory supervisor was unable to continue dealing with the situation. I sought guidance from my parents and grandfather on how to proceed. My grandfather suggested that the most straightforward solution would be to apologize. When I first heard the word "apologize," I was overwhelmed with emotion and began to cry. I felt that not only did my family not support me, but they also advised me to apologize.
I wonder if it is always necessary to apologize after being scolded, beaten, or thrown out of bed.
I reflected on the situation further. At the time, I felt it was most important to swiftly conclude this matter and focus on my studies. I had a strong writing ability, so I crafted an apology letter that was not overtly offensive. I managed my feelings of disgust and highlighted his positive qualities in the letter I sent him. I also suggested that, for us to move forward, it was essential to conclude our student lives peacefully, study hard, and put the past behind us, regardless of whether it was right or wrong. Otherwise, if I persisted, I would be the one starting the conflict, which I felt was wrong. I wished him well on his exams.
He wrote back in red pen, saying, "People like you will be marginalized in the future, rejected by society, and it makes me sad to see you." But then he admitted that he was jealous of me (their class had always had the habit of having a weekly speech class in Chinese, but it stopped in the third year of high school. After I transferred to the school and repeated the year, I learned about this abandoned custom, told the teacher that I wanted to give a speech, and submitted a speech manuscript. After reading the manuscript, the teacher not only restarted the habit as an exception, but also gave me two classes to finish speaking.) He also said that he would forgive my mistakes as an adult and allow me to come back, and hoped that I would behave myself.
I am grateful for this "apology" and his reply to it. It has helped me realize that I can be proactive in solving problems. It has also helped me understand why he holds negative feelings towards me. I believe that I am seen as an outsider by him, but there are people who recognize the value in the outsider, which causes him discomfort.
I replied to thank him for his concern about my future, but I felt it was unlikely that we would have any further contact after graduation. I told him that I would be pursuing my own path and that he would no longer have any contact with me.
I'm doing pretty well now. In the eyes of my friends and my boyfriend, this experience has added a touch of legend to my life.
My dear child, I hope you can face this challenge with courage and resilience. It will all end. Those who are bullied often possess unique qualities that make them special, and it's important to embrace and nurture these traits, whether they're physical characteristics or family background. With determination and resilience, you can navigate these challenges and emerge stronger and wiser.
Please do not hesitate to ask any questions you may have in the comment section. I will do my utmost to provide you with the assistance you require.
Comments
I can't just forget something that has made such a profound impact on me; it's part of who I am now.
Dying without leaving a mark feels impossible when everything we do shapes the world around us in some way.
Making friends is about finding common ground and showing genuine interest in them, even if it takes time.
To be forgotten, one would have to never truly connect with others, but why miss out on meaningful relationships?
Bullying is a serious issue, but reaching out for help from trusted adults or friends can provide support and solutions.