How can I get along better with my mom? I'm so tired.

Hello,

Host:

I read the post carefully and I could tell that the poster was feeling helpless and frustrated. At the same time, I also noticed that the poster was brave enough to express her distress and actively seek help on the platform.

I'm sure this will help the poster to understand herself and her mother better, so that she can adjust and lead a better life.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts that might help the poster see the situation differently.

1. The poster is dealing with her mother's negative emotions.

From the post, it seems like the poster's mother has always been quick to scold her, even for minor infractions. When she's in a bad mood, she tends to scold the poster for no reason, which can feel pretty oppressive. It's understandable why the poster might be feeling overwhelmed.

If I were in her shoes, I think I'd have a lot of negative emotions and stress too! So, it's normal for the original poster to have these emotions; it's not your problem.

Why does my mother always scold us?

It's not uncommon for her to feel dissatisfied with herself and unhappy in her own life, which can lead to a lot of pent-up emotions. These emotions need an outlet.

Kids are a great outlet because they're the youngest and most vulnerable in the family, and they have to rely on themselves. A lot of parents end up venting their negative emotions on their kids.

2. Learn to build your own firewall.

We need to understand that the reason the computer can function is not because it's free of viruses, but because it has its own firewall. So, can we build our own firewall like the computer?

And protect ourselves in this way. Well, in the original post, the author also tried to communicate with her mother, but it wasn't very effective.

At this point, it's important to recognize that if we can't change other people, we can at least change ourselves.

It's important to remember that the only people who can hurt us are ourselves. This means we need to learn to protect ourselves from the negative effects our mothers can have on us.

When she scolds us, we can simply leave the scene and go back to our own room.

If you can't avoid it, you have to learn to "turn a deaf ear." I'm not listening to you, and I don't agree with you.

The most important thing is to take care of yourself.

The original poster didn't mention their age, but I think it's important to learn to take care of yourself and look after yourself, no matter how old you are, when you're facing a difficult family situation.

This is probably the most important thing the author needs to do. We often say that as adults, we need to take responsibility for our own lives, our own emotions, and our own needs.

If our mothers can't meet our needs, it's important to remember that there's someone who knows us best and can do so: ourselves.

We know ourselves best. Only we know what kind of company and encouragement we need.

So, let's encourage ourselves as we would expect to be encouraged!

On the other hand, we need to learn to care for ourselves. We need to understand that when our mothers scold us, it's not our fault, but rather that they don't know how to deal with their own negative emotions. This discussion reminds me of a story.

A girl grows up in a family where boys are valued more than girls and her father and grandparents treat her younger brother better. This often leads to a lack of love and insecurity in girls.

But she didn't. She learned to care for herself and love herself.

She told herself, "It's true that my grandparents and father are good to my younger brother, but that's not my problem. It's theirs, it's a cultural problem. I love you very much!"

So, you have to love yourself, too! This helped her to feel better about herself.

I hope this story will give the original poster a little inspiration.

4. Learn some new communication techniques.

It seems that the poster mentioned in the post was communicating with her mother, but her mother didn't take it seriously.

We might need to learn some new ways of communicating, like better expression and resistance.

There's this story about a parent who was controlling. When she grew up and found a boyfriend, her mother still had a lot of control. So she told her mother, "Mom, I'm not the child around you who can't tell right from wrong anymore. You have to accept this. I'll choose my own family in the future. You can give advice, but you can't control it." After hearing this, the mother cried. The girl was also distressed, but she had to be independent.

I don't know how old the original poster is, but this story can be used as a reference! As for new ways of communicating, the original poster might want to learn about the communication model in "Nonviolent Communication."

I also think Qing Yin's "High Emotional Intelligence Communication" will be really helpful for the host.

I hope these tips are helpful and inspiring for the original poster. My name is Zeng Chen, a psychological coach at One Mind. If you have any questions, you can find me by clicking on "Find a coach."

Greetings, my child. Initially, I will offer you a gesture of physical affection from a distance.

After listening to your account, I am somewhat melancholy. It is inevitable that we will always be connected to our mothers in this life. It is unfortunate that you have not received encouragement from your mother since you were young. I would like to share some insights with you to see if they can provide inspiration:

1. You state, "My mother did not encourage me during my formative years. Instead, she consistently reprimanded me for minor infractions. When she was in a disagreeable mood, she would often find fault with my actions and behave in a manner that was reminiscent of an elder. It appears that my mother is not at peace, which may explain her proclivity for expressing negative sentiments on a daily basis. Perhaps you are the individual with whom she feels most comfortable expressing her frustrations, as you serve as a conduit for her venting.

2. I am uncertain as to whether you have ever attempted to comprehend the environment and family in which I was raised, or the nature of my relationship with your father. These factors may influence the manner in which I communicate with you, even if I am not consciously aware of it. It is possible that I have transmitted the bitterness and grievances of the previous generation to you.

3. The following suggestions are offered in the hope that they will prove useful to you in the present circumstances.

It is important to note that the mother in question has already spent the majority of her life within two distinct family units. As a result, some of her thought processes and behavioural patterns may prove challenging to alter. However, it is evident that you are aware of the issues within your relationship with your mother and have taken the initiative to discuss them with her. Your willingness to improve the relationship demonstrates that you are driven by a desire to nurture and care for her.

It would be beneficial to ascertain which family members have a positive relationship with the subject's mother. These individuals may serve as valuable resources for the subject. It is also advisable to identify other resources within the subject's immediate environment and collaborate with them to foster a more tranquil atmosphere for the subject's mother.

It is evident that you have now acquired the autonomy to live independently. Consequently, it is imperative that you do not succumb to feelings of self-reproach. Should you experience a sense of resentment towards your mother, it is perfectly acceptable to allow yourself to grieve or temporarily disengage from the distressing situation she has created.

It is important to note that avoiding conflict does not constitute disobedience.

It is important to recognise that mothers also experience positive and relaxing moments. These occasions provide an ideal opportunity for communication. Rather than directly confronting your mother, it may be more beneficial to initiate a relaxed discussion about everyday life and explore ways to communicate in a more relaxed environment.

It is my sincere hope that your endeavors will be acknowledged and appreciated by your mother. I encourage you to persevere and succeed.

Hello, question asker!

I totally get where you're coming from. It's so hard when you can't communicate with your mum. Let's take a look at the following:

I totally get where you're coming from. It must be really tough not being able to talk to your mum. Let's have a look at the following:

"My mother never encouraged me growing up, she only scolded me every day."

"My mother never encouraged me growing up; she just scolded me every day."

Every parent has their own way of doing things, and it's clear from what the questioner has said that her mother's approach doesn't fit with her own situation.

Every parent's education method is a little different, and that's okay! From the questioner's description, it can be seen that her mother's education method does not match her own actual situation.

But anyway, all this is in the past and cannot be changed. It's important to remember that your parents are people, too, and they did the best they could in a different era. The education level was not very high, and the concept of education was not very well understood. We need to be tolerant of this, and also let ourselves move on from previous unpleasant experiences as soon as possible.

"I feel so sad that I can't communicate with my mom."

I can see you're feeling pretty down about this, and I'm here to listen.

There are so many ways to communicate! I have to admit that there is indeed a generation gap between our generation and our parents' generation. Direct communication isn't always the best approach. You can try other more tactful methods.

There are so many ways to communicate! I have to admit that there is indeed a generation gap between our generation and our parents' generation. Direct communication isn't always the most effective. You can try other, more tactful methods!

For example, when you encounter a conflict, try not to be too quick to negate the other person or simply get angry and ignore them. You can use a vivid example to slowly make them accept your point of view, or you can try to convey the message through a third person, such as your father.

For example, when you encounter a conflict, try not to be too quick to reject the other person or get angry and ignore them. You can use a vivid example to help them understand your point of view, or you could even try passing on the message through a third person, like your dad.

I tried to talk to my mom and say, "Mom, could you please be a little nicer?"

I tried to tell my mom, "Mom, could you please be more polite?"

I'd love to help you with this!

I feel like "Can you please be more polite?" might come across as a bit forceful and commanding. Have you ever tried saying "It would be better if you were more polite?"? People tend to respond really well to that. It's a simple change, but it can make a big difference in how you're perceived.

I totally get it. It can be really tough to navigate these situations.

"Mom says she's my elder and I'm not qualified to say anything to her."

It's clear that your mom is in a stronger position here. It's not the time to push things. For instance, it's probably best not to argue or reason with her directly. She might have said that because you were a bit forceful earlier.

It's clear that your mom is in a stronger position here. When you're in a situation like this, it's not always the best idea to push your way through, like by arguing or reasoning directly with her. The reason she might have said that is probably because you were a bit too intense earlier.

You can choose a good time to sit down with your mom and have a nice chat. Pay attention to what she's saying and try to see things from her perspective. You might find that you can make things better.

You can choose a good time to sit down with your mom and have a nice chat. Pay attention to what she's saying and try to see things from her perspective. You might find that you can make things easier for her.

"I'm so tired."

I know it can be tough, but try to remember that you can do this!

Even though there are only a few words, you can still feel your helplessness and exhaustion. The question asker needs to understand that the previous communication problems with her mother cannot be solved in a short period of time. She just needs to be patient and work on it little by little.

Even though there are only a few words, you can still feel your helplessness and exhaustion. The questioner needs to understand that the previous communication problems with her mother cannot be solved in a short period of time. She just needs to be patient and take it one step at a time.

It's okay to accept the current situation and do small things within your abilities. You'll be surprised at how much of a difference you'll see little by little!

I really hope my answer helps! Warm regards!

I really hope my answer will be helpful to the original poster! Wishing you the best!

Hello!

I understand your dilemma. First, I'll give you a hug.

My mother never encouraged me. She only scolded me, even for the smallest things. When she's in a bad mood, she scolds me for no reason. I feel oppressed and can't communicate with her. I tried to tell her that she should be nicer, but she said that I'm not qualified to tell her off.

The problem you encountered:

1. My mother rarely encourages me and only scolds me.

2. She's depressed and finds things to scold you about when she's in a bad mood.

3. I can't communicate with my mother. She says I'm not in a position to tell her off.

4. How do I balance my parents and pursue my own life?

Problem analysis

1. The questioner may have been influenced by his family since childhood. His mother may think that providing for his basic needs is the greatest love for him, but she has neglected his emotional needs and personal independence. This is a limitation of the mother's generation's values. It is difficult to change the past.

2. The mother may have grown up with few resources and felt the need to provide for her family. Or she may have faced financial pressure without a support system and been influenced by traditional views and her parents' authority. She may have felt that discussing family matters with the questioner was unnecessary and resented the questioner's progress. She may have lashed out inappropriately because she was triggered by the situation.

3. I can't communicate with my mother. She still thinks of me as a child. It's only natural that we can't have an equal dialogue.

4. The questioner has problems communicating with his parents. He thinks too much.

The following solutions are provided:

(1) Organize your emotions, accept yourself and your mother, and know that your mother loves you, even if she doesn't always show it the right way.

(2) Love yourself, trust your parents, and try to understand them.

(3) Forget the past and start anew. Keep a distance from your parents. Don't be too far away, or it'll feel impersonal. Don't be too close, or they'll influence you.

(4) Stop wasting time thinking too much.

(5) When talking to your parents, pay attention to how you do it and say what you think. But if there's a disagreement, don't keep going over it.

(6) You can communicate well with your parents. Use non-violent communication. Describe things objectively. Say how you feel and think. Make your requests clear.

(8) Find a balance. Find the best solution for both sides, deal with your parents from a practical perspective, tell them you're an adult with your own thoughts, and say you love and are grateful for them.

I hope this helps. I wish you happiness. The world loves you. ♥

Reading your question, I could really relate to what you were saying. I felt your pain.

I'd love to get involved and talk to you about this.

1. About not getting along with your mother.

I can see you're struggling with your mum. It's so hard when we don't get along with our mums, isn't it?

I can sense your sadness and grief, as well as that depressed mood you're in.

There might be other emotions involved that you could look into further. What I'm saying is just a suggestion based on my experience, and it may not necessarily reflect your true feelings.

I can see that you're tired, and I want you to know that it's okay to feel this way. It seems like your long-term relationship with your mother has some negative patterns, which can make you feel sad.

But I just want you to know that it's not your fault.

2. About you feeling tired.

I can see how feeling tired might be connected to the part where you say, "She only scolds me every day, even for the smallest things, and when she's in a bad mood, she finds things to scold me about. I feel very oppressed just living."

If someone is treated like this by their closest relatives all year round, it can really take a toll on them. Even if no serious problems arise, there are bound to be minor problems.

For instance, your mother may be experiencing severe emotional depletion, just like you. She might often scold you for little things and scold you when she is in a bad mood. It can feel as if you are her emotional trash can.

It's so important for children to feel loved and recognized by their mothers. But sometimes, the way your mother is treating you is making you feel like you're her emotional container, taking care of her feelings instead of her. This can be really painful for you, right?

This is backed up by psychology. Many dysfunctional families arise from a misplaced parent-child relationship. In other words, parents are immature and unable to behave appropriately in their parental role.

Instead, they hope that their children will be amazing, sensible, well-behaved, etc., to take care of their needs. This can make it difficult for children to live their childhood and be themselves in their role as children. It's so important for kids to be able to just be kids!

It's so important to remember that when our sense of self is being squeezed by someone else's soul, it's inevitable that we'll feel pain. But I want to emphasise again that this is not your fault.

3. I know you were trying to tell your mom to be nicer to you.

I can relate to this so much! I tried to tell my mom, "Mom, can you please be a little nicer?" And she said, "I'm your elder, I'm not qualified to tell you off. I'm so tired."

I'm sure you want to be loved and treated gently, sweetheart.

But your mom said you're not quite ready to treat her as your elder in this way. It's totally okay! This isn't the mainstream social value in our modern society.

We really do try to show our elders the respect they deserve, and we also love and care for our younger family members. It's all about love and respect, really.

When your mom says this to you, she's just trying to teach you to be a good kid. But you're an independent person now, so you can say "no, thank you" to her way of doing things.

For example, you can kindly decline her straightforward and perhaps a bit harsh treatment of you. At the same time, you deserve to be treated gently by the world, not for any reason, just because we are all born as human beings and are worthy of being treated gently.

So, the next time you feel like saying that your mom has a bad attitude towards you, remember that you have every right to feel that way. There's absolutely no need to feel guilty about it.

There's no such thing as a perfect mother or child. So when you feel like there's something wrong with yours, it's just because you're seeing the real you.

And accepting the truth is also the first step to loving your mom, who is just doing her best, and loving yourself too!

I really hope these answers help you out! I love you and I love the world!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm always grateful for the opportunity to serve you.

It is unfortunate that your description is full of grievances and helplessness.

It appears that as they grow older, they may become less inclined to express their emotions.

As children grow up, parents grow older, and the world of children is not just limited to their parents. It seems that parents may have lost some of their status as superheroes in our hearts. As children experience more and more, their psychological desires and expectations will also continue to change. Some things they may be ashamed to say, and they may filter their emotions, leaving behind nagging that no one wants to hear.

It is not uncommon for children and parents to have differing views and experiences in communication. The mother may be going through a transitional period in her life, experiencing hormonal shifts, or navigating a midlife transition.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to show our mothers more love and patience at this time. Growing up often involves learning to treat people and things with more patience.

The description mentions that your mother never encouraged you in your education and that your parents have a strong sense of self-authority, which has made you feel a lot of pressure and not know what to do. These things have existed for a long time, but when you were young, you didn't care much about them and you didn't have the ability to change them. Now you have the opportunity to do something about it.

Many Chinese parents tend to use a somewhat repressive approach to education, with the belief that this will foster humility in their children. However, this approach may inadvertently neglect the inner growth and confidence of their children.

We have come to recognize the need for adjustments.

How might we go about doing that?

I believe that understanding is the first step. In the context of the times, self-awareness is constantly increasing. Regardless of what our parents give us, whether good or bad, we have begun to learn to think for ourselves. Parents are still learning, so there will be times when they don't get it right.

It may be helpful to learn to mentally separate from your parents. It might also be beneficial to avoid becoming a victim of what could be perceived as "oppressive" education.

It would be beneficial to try to understand your mother and take the initiative to protect yourself.

It would be beneficial to focus on strengthening communication and interaction. Many conflicts can be traced back to words. It might be helpful to consider incorporating speaking well as a topic in every family.

Perhaps it would be helpful to start with yourself, listening to your parents' concerns, and then talking to each other like friends, confiding in each other and helping each other. It's possible that just talking about problems could help to find solutions.

It would be wonderful if the original poster could have this kind of conversation with her mother on a regular basis.

Then, perhaps, life will guide and indicate the way. After we can communicate smoothly with our mothers in our daily lives, we ourselves also pay attention to speaking nicely, and share and tell our mothers about some current hot topics. Maybe they also play with their phones, but our parents are older, and their ability to understand, accept new things, and judge is limited. Let's play to our advantages and show our mothers our growth.

Finally, we can construct a harmonious parent-child relationship together. Any good relationship must go both ways. Let's take action ourselves and put our desire for change into action. No matter what the past was, it might be helpful to let go of any grudges and focus on the positive.

I wish you the best!

Hello, question asker! I can see the confusion you are facing right now, but I'm here to help! Hugs to you!

You are experiencing some family problems, but you will get through this! I give you a warm hug again.

We all know that "home is never a place for reasoning, but for love." And that's a wonderful thing!

It's totally possible that your mom takes you out on her anger because you often pick up on her emotions.

Then, the next time your mother scolds you, you can leave the room where she is and go outside for some fresh air!

Absolutely! You can go out for one or two hours and then go back home.

And when you go home again, your mother will have forgotten why she scolded you in the first place!

When your mother starts to scold you, make a quick exit from the room!

I'm sure she'll realize that it's her own problem and change the way she gets along with you!

I'd love to know how old you are now!

If you are still studying, then you can absolutely find a part-time job to earn some pocket money and strive for financial independence as soon as possible!

Then, when you become financially independent, you can move out on your own! You no longer need to live with your mother.

Or, if you're still studying and your school provides accommodation, you can choose to live in the school on weekdays and go home to live with your mother at the weekend!

I really, really hope that you can resolve the problem you're facing soon!

Now, that's all I can think of!

I really hope my answer is helpful and inspiring to you! I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day!

Here at Yixinli, we love you! Best wishes!

Greetings. I extend my sincerest regards to you in the form of a hug.

Secondly, it must be stated that not all individuals are suited to become parents, and conversely, not all parents are qualified to fulfil the role.

It is, however, a regrettable fact that one does not require any formal training or certification to become a parent.

Consequently, if we are unfortunate enough to encounter parents who are not qualified enough, it is a painful experience for the child. To make ourselves feel better, we might consider imagining it as the experience of immortals coming to the human world to overcome their tribulations in those stories about immortals cultivating themselves.

This may appear to be somewhat unkind, but it is nevertheless the case that it is very difficult for children to change their parents unless the parents are aware of their own problems.

Nevertheless, it is still necessary to take action in order to improve one's own sense of well-being. Therefore, I am offering some advice which I hope will be helpful. However, due to the limited information available to me, I am unable to provide advice which is tailored to your specific circumstances. This is because I am unaware of factors such as your age, the age of your siblings, the age of your parents, the age of your grandparents, the age of your cousins, the age of your aunts and uncles, the age of your neighbors, the age of your friends, the age of your classmates, the age of your teachers, the age of your colleagues, the age of your superiors, the age of your subordinates, the age of your acquaintances, the age of your enemies, the age of your rivals, the age of your competitors, the age of your rivals, the age of your rivals, the age of your rivals, the age of your rivals, the age of your rivals, the age of your rivals

Should this prove useful to you, I would be gratified; otherwise, please disregard it.

1. It can be surmised from the text that the subject is not yet an adult, which precludes the possibility of escaping from their mother. When confronted with an emotionally unstable mother, the subject attempted to verbally protest but was rebuffed.

From a simple conversation, it can be seen that the mother displays a lack of respect for others, particularly children. She appears to adhere to traditional values, which dictate that she has the right to treat her child as she pleases, on the basis of an order of seniority and a difference in status. The child is effectively silenced and denied the opportunity to challenge this dynamic.

However, as members of a new generation of adolescents, we possess the capacity to leverage the power of knowledge to advocate for ourselves. I recall that during my junior high school years, a comparable chapter in moral education addressed the subject of communication between parents and children.

Should one possess the requisite courage, one might present one's textbooks to one's mother and request that she open her eyes and observe the impact of the "wheel of the times" upon her beliefs. It is likely that the ideas she holds onto have already been abandoned by the times.

Another option is to forward articles on the adverse effects of an emotionally unstable mother to the mother for perusal or to suggest parenting courses for her to attend.

Contemporary educational theory posits that parents and children are equal in terms of personality, and that both parties are entitled to engage in an equal dialogue and express their feelings.

It is imperative to be cordial and avoid engaging in a heated debate with one's mother. This is in accordance with the principle of treating others with the same respect and consideration one would expect in return. It is our hope that our mothers will engage with us in a manner that is respectful and conducive to open communication. We must strive to exemplify the qualities of calm and respectful communication for our mothers, demonstrating how it can be effectively employed in interpersonal interactions.

However, this method is often perceived as being too challenging, particularly given the inherent power differential between children and their mothers. Consequently, if one is unable to employ this method, it is not considered a personal failing.

Nevertheless, it is possible that even if such an approach is taken, the desired result may not be achieved.

If you are able to do so, I would like to commend you for your courage. As Mencius observed, "Poverty and humiliation cannot move you, wealth and power cannot seduce you, and you cannot be bent by threats." You have demonstrated the capacity to withstand such pressures.

Secondly, there is another method that is somewhat more straightforward to implement. Aside from your mother, who is a member of your immediate family,

Please indicate whether you have any siblings or extended family members.

Please describe the relationship between your father and mother. Additionally, please provide a description of your familial relationships, including, but not limited to, your uncles, aunts, and other relatives.

A careful observation of the situation will reveal who has the greatest influence on your mother. It may be beneficial to form an alliance with this person in order to facilitate their assistance and protection.

This assistance can be sought by requesting that an individual communicate with the mother directly about the detrimental impact of her emotional outbursts on the child's physical and mental well-being. This communication should include constructive criticism and education, as well as a tactful conveyance of the child's grievances and pain. Alternatively, it can be initiated by stepping in to prevent the mother from venting her emotions on the child for no reason and acting as a protective barrier. At the very least, it can be demonstrated by listening to the child when they are wronged, providing support and comfort, and being present for them.

Therefore,

3. In the event that the aforementioned methods prove ineffective, it may be challenging to identify viable alternatives. However, it is of paramount importance to cultivate supportive relationships with individuals who can provide a safe and constructive space for sharing and processing emotions, such as close friends, school counselors, or subject teachers.

It is of great consequence that emotions be not suppressed for an excessive period of time, as they may manifest as illnesses, both psychological and physical.

It is therefore imperative that you learn to establish your own supportive relationships in order to facilitate your own healthy growth.

Furthermore, it is essential to pursue academic excellence and mature expeditiously, thereby acquiring the resilience to thrive independently and resist the influence of one's mother.

In conclusion, it is possible that the mother's behavior is a result of her lack of understanding of child psychology and inability to keep pace with societal changes. However, it is likely that she still holds a deep affection for her child.

It is unclear whether the mother's behavior is intentional or not. What is evident, however, is that the majority of parents do not intend to harm their children.

It is possible that the parents in question were treated similarly when they were younger, and thus do not possess the knowledge or skills to treat their children in a more constructive manner. Therefore, it is essential to provide training and guidance to parents, rather than attributing blame.

It is important to note that they have no prior experience as parents. Frequently, parents require guidance and instruction from their children.

If one considers the matter further, it is likely that a certain degree of compassion will be elicited towards one's mother.

Life is inherently challenging. Individuals are not inherently straightforward, and it is plausible that one's mother is not straightforward either.

It would be beneficial if we could recognize and acknowledge each other's challenges.

It is my sincere hope that you and your mother will eventually be able to achieve a mutual understanding.

Hello! I'm Kimu the Little Angel. I hope my answer helps!

I don't know who the OP is or their gender. Let's give the OP a big hug! OP, you've worked hard and it hasn't been easy. If you're sad or have any problems, Jinmu is here for you.

If you want to cry, cry!

Jinmu thought of his own childhood when he heard the question.

Jinmu's father worked away from home to support the family, and Jinmu's mother stayed at home to take care of him.

Jinmu was naughty and didn't like studying. He liked to play, but my mother controlled me, telling me what I couldn't do. What I remember most is that she controlled me every time I got dressed.

I was so annoyed that I wished my mother would stop meddling. I even argued with her a lot.

In high school, I yelled at my mother and said, "Shut up and don't meddle!"

She was stunned and started to cry.

She left me alone for a long time after that.

After I started working, I remembered my time with my mother and realized what I needed to do.

I'm not lecturing or accusing. I'm just inviting you to look at how you get along with your mother.

Jinmu's mother is smart and learns quickly. She was a promising woman with unlimited potential at work. Then, in the prime of her life, she gave up her dreams and career to take care of our family and her son. I may not be grateful, but I cannot deny her sacrifice.

Jinmu doesn't know the questioner's mother or her family, but the questioner can find out. You can let go for now. You and your mother have reached a point where you don't know each other well. You can try to get to know her through your father, grandparents, and find out what kind of person she is and what her past was like. Maybe if you understand her past, you may understand why she treats you this way. There is often no solution to your relationship with your loved ones because you are each standing in your own position and have never understood what the other person really wants.

Instead of being unhappy, try to understand your mother and why she treats you this way.

Every mother loves her child, but the way she shows it might not be what you want. Try to understand her and find a way to get along.

Jinmu wishes the original poster a quick reconciliation with her mother!

My mother never encouraged me. She only scolded me, even for the smallest things. When she was in a bad mood, she would find things to scold me about. I felt oppressed, unable to communicate with my mother. I tried to talk to her, asking her to be nicer. She said I wasn't qualified to tell her off because I was her child, and that she was tired.

Hello question asker! I'm happy to help.

Pat the questioner on the shoulder and give them strength. Being suppressed by your mother must be sad!

The mother controls the questioner. She scolds and discourages him. This makes him feel depressed. She has been doing this since he was a child. What is the father's role in the family?

What role does the author's father play?

Why does the question asker's mother always suppress her and take it out on her? Was she treated this way by her family when she was a child?

Did she get her attitude from her mother's family? The way the mother is acting is related to how she was raised.

The questioner's mother may have grown up under too much pressure from her family. This may be why she treats the questioner this way.

How does the question asker communicate with elders? Are there any friends, relatives, or elders who support the question asker?

Have you thought about these questions? Have you ever thought about how your mother supported you when you were growing up?

Otherwise, how has the questioner grown up healthy? This support needs the questioner to be aware of it!

We can't go into much detail about the original poster's family of origin because of the question they asked. I can just give you a few tips.

Understand your mother's treatment of you.

Why did the mother treat the questioner this way? Did she learn to treat her this way from her own mother?

Maybe it's because of the times. Your mom's generation had a hard time just getting by. They didn't have time to learn how to love, how to raise kids, or how to run their own homes.

If the questioner's parents were also treated poorly when they were children, they may have brought that trauma into their own family and repeated the same mistakes.

No parents or families are perfect. Parents may have had bad experiences when they were children. This can make them think they should act a certain way in certain situations. This is because of the limitations of life and the influence of others. Even the way they were treated as children may affect their own children.

Does the questioner understand why her mother treated her this way?

Express your pain.

If you can forgive your mother in the future, you can write about this. You can share it with your family and friends, or a counselor.

If you don't want to talk to people, you can talk to your pets, plants, or dolls. We still recommend that you see a psychologist. You can also find someone to talk to on the Yi Xinli platform. Talking about it can help you feel better.

When facing your mother, express your emotions, communicate well with your family, and get support from friends and family. The original poster feels tired because of her mother's attacks.

If you have emotions that don't hurt your parents, express them. Maybe she'll argue you don't have the right to make demands, but you can tell her how you feel.

If you feel your mother is always putting you down and making you feel tired, say so. Talk to your parents more often.

Handle your emotions.

If you feel like doing something when you're upset, think about what you want to do and say.

What emotions do I want to release?

You can also find something you like to do to vent negative emotions without hurting your mother. If you get emotional, take a deep breath, count to 10, and then see what to do next.

Accept yourself.

Do more of the things you like. Find your goals and meaning in these things. Accept your character. When you are in a low mood, please yourself.

Make yourself happy, and eat something sweet. Sweets make you happy. It is important to be happy without hurting others.

Don't let negativity take over.

I hope this helps!

Good day!

As a heart exploration coach, I believe that learning is a valuable process that can enrich our lives.

From what you have shared, I can sense the challenges you are facing, including feelings of depression, exhaustion, frustration, sadness, pain, and helplessness.

I won't go into the details of the difficulties you've faced due to your challenging relationship with your mother. However, I'd like to offer three suggestions for your reflection:

If I may make a suggestion, I think it would be beneficial for you to try communicating with your mother in a sincere manner.

The aim of communication is to convey your genuine thoughts to her.

If you find it challenging to communicate with her, you might consider trying the following approaches and observing the results:

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to put yourself in her shoes and try to understand her. This could help you make her "hear" what you say.

You mentioned that your mother never encouraged you, but only scolded you daily. When she was in a bad mood, she would take it out on you. It seems that you live a very repressed life. You tried to communicate with her, but she said you had no right to talk to her. Could it be possible that your mother doesn't know any other way to love you properly because she was probably also brought up in this way? When she scolds you, it seems as though she is practicing a suppressive form of education, not because she really hates you and doesn't love you. It's possible that she thinks this kind of education is good and effective. Is it possible that she is also in pain when she is in a bad mood and always finds something to scold you about? It seems as though no one understands or understands her. And when she says you have no right to talk about her, it's possible that she is afraid that you don't know how to respect the elderly. Of course, saying this is not an excuse for the harm she has caused you, but it is hoped that you can put yourself in her shoes, which will help communication between you.

Secondly, it may be helpful to start with "I" and talk more about feelings, rather than or less often starting with "you." This approach could help to avoid making her feel rejected or accused, which might make communication between you easier.

Perhaps you could say something like, "Mom, I'd like to have a chat with you. I know you think scolding me will help me become a better person, and I appreciate all you've done for me. But I hope you can understand how I feel when I hear you scold me. It makes me feel depressed and like you don't love me anymore, which is very sad. I don't want to make you angry or argue with you. I hope you can talk to me nicely, and I'll talk to you nicely too. Is that okay?"

After you communicate with her in such an open and honest way, she may be more likely to change her actions and attitude, as she may not be aware of the impact they have on you. When she does change, it may also positively influence your mood.

Secondly, I would like to suggest that you give your mother some time to adjust to a new way of communicating. Perhaps you could try communicating in a firm but non-hostile manner.

After you have communicated with your mother sincerely, it may take some time for a change to occur, as she may be accustomed to communicating with you in a certain way and it may not be easy for her to adapt. It would be helpful to give her some time and, in the meantime, try using the communication method of "resolute without hostility." This involves refusing her requests and not doing what she says, while maintaining a very firm attitude, but without being hostile.

For instance, if your mother scolds you again for no apparent reason, you could gently suggest to her that it might be more helpful to explain why she is upset rather than scolding you. You could say something like, "Mom, I hope you can tell me what's wrong instead of scolding me. I feel depressed and sad when I hear you scold me. I hope you can respect me."

After you have used this method of communication on numerous occasions, there is a possibility that she may come to recognize the inappropriateness of her approach and make adjustments.

I would like to suggest once again that you prepare yourself for the possibility that your mother may not change, and then focus on yourself and live your life.

After you communicated with your mother in depth and gave her some time, and you used the communication method of "resolute without hostility" many times during this period, she still scolded you all the time, and when she was in a bad mood, she still scolded you for no reason. At this time, you could only accept the reality, that is, accepting that you have a mother who likes to scold you.

I understand this is difficult for you, but it is important to accept this reality.

At this point, it would be helpful to focus on yourself, live your own life, and become independent as soon as possible, including financially. This will give you the opportunity to move out on your own and be less influenced by your mother.

When you stop expecting your mother to change, it may be the case that the negative impact she has on you will decrease or even disappear. This is because, without expectations, there is no harm. Moreover, it is possible that your mother will change instead. This may seem contradictory, but it is possible that this is the way it will be, because change is based on allowing no change.

I hope my answer is helpful. If you would like to discuss further, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" at the bottom of the page, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

Hello, my child!

First of all, I'll give you a hug. From your description, I can feel your helplessness and sadness. But don't worry, let's see what we can do to help!

You said that your mother never encouraged you. It is true that some mothers always think that if they are strict with their children, their children will grow up well. As the old saying goes, "A kind mother often produces a spoiled child; a strict teacher produces a talented student." It is similar, isn't it? There is some truth in it, because children sometimes have poor self-control. But you know what? Appropriate and strict education can enhance children's self-control.

So, there's a good chance your mom was also taught in a more traditional way, and she feels that's the best way. On the other hand, your mom is actually a first-time mom, and no one taught her, so she doesn't know any better. And it's very likely that your grandmother treated her this way, so she thinks that's the way all moms should be!

So, your mother isn't scolding you because she doesn't love you or like you. She just doesn't know any better! Does she think this is a good way to understand her? Auntie's first method for you is to accept and understand. Your mother may not be able to change at once, but I have to tell myself clearly that my mother has requirements and expectations for me, and she only does this because she loves me!

The second step is to communicate. Child, you did great! You tried to tell your mother that she could be a little nicer. Your mother said she is your elder and that you can't tell her off.

You did an amazing job! I want to give you a big compliment. You were so brave to say what you wanted to say to your mother.

But you might say, "It's useless. My mother refuted me." I want to tell you, your mother is a bit fierce and she definitely wants to save face. You directly criticized her like this, and she has no face. Her thoughts at that time must have been, "How dare you say that to me, who do you think you are?"

"But at the same time, she will definitely continue to ponder your words: Am I really too harsh on her? Am I really right? So don't be shocked by your mother's rebuttal. She said it to protect her face and status. You must know that your goal has been achieved just by saying it, and you are one step closer to the result you want.

Communication is not something that can be achieved in just one go. In the future, when your mother gets angry with you, you can also say, "Mum, I read in a book that if parents always scold their children, the children will become overly introverted and it will make them even more introverted and fearful. Introverted children often have weak self-esteem. If they are constantly subjected to strict education, they will feel that they can't do anything well, and thus lack self-confidence, which will lead to them being hesitant and fearful in everything they do. But you can help them!

I don't want that! You have to work hard with me!

Now for the third step! You've got this! You just have to work hard to make your mother change. How? Well, your mother will always be happy or in a good mood, right? So, you can sweeten the words a bit: "You're so gentle today, you're so beautiful today, I'm so happy today because you're so happy, the meal you cooked today is delicious, you worked hard today, I love you, everyone likes to hear nice things, the more praise you hear, the more sunshine you will reflect in the future."

And there's more! You must become good and better, study hard, become more independent, be a good helper to your mother, and let her see how good you are and how you are growing. When you shine, she will love you even more. To be worthy of your excellence, she must become better too.

My child, you are so thoughtful and independent! It's so great that you took the initiative to seek help online. You have the amazing ability to change this situation. First, accept your mother's temper. She loves you! Second, communicate more with your mother and let her know your thoughts. Then, adults encounter many things that make them lose their temper. Try to be your mother's sunshine and let her feel your sunshine! Finally, strive to become excellent. You are the master of your own life. Keep improving yourself! When you are good enough, you will realize that it doesn't matter if your mother scolds you or not. You know very well whether you are good or not, and you won't care so much about your mother's comments. Come on!