How can I get along with my husband, who loves his mother very much, but doesn't care about himself?

Hello, I'm a heart exploration coach. Life is a journey for blossoming.

Your text uses uncertain words like "discovering" that your partner doesn't love you, "discovering" that his mother doesn't like you, and "doubting" that it's worth marrying him. I feel your insecurity and lack of confidence.

If you suspect your partner and mother-in-law, you lack confidence in yourself.

Your partner loves his mother, not you. This makes you obsessed and causes problems with your spouse and in-laws.

First, we need to check if this is true. The brain likes to make sense of things. It looks for evidence to prove a point.

If you think your partner loves his mother, you'll see that he favors her and obeys her. You can't see things from other perspectives.

Second, everyone sees things differently. When you don't understand something or have a conflict, try to see it from the other person's point of view. How do you think this person thinks? How does he think? And how do other people think?

Just like the mother-in-law stops you from doing things.

Some places operate this way: in earlier years, some parents had their husbands impregnate other women to give birth to twins, then reported the birth after getting the certificate.

(2) Not letting you live on the first floor of the new house. The first floor is more convenient after a C-section and confinement.

If you were the husband's brother, would he mind? Would the daughter-in-law mind?

Is there a saying that a new house has housed a new mother? We need to understand this. There's no need to jump to the conclusion that the mother-in-law doesn't like the daughter-in-law.

This example is just to help you see more possibilities. Is there anything else going on?

Don't believe this.

2. Security in marriage comes from within.

Many women want to feel secure in their partner and in their in-laws' home when they marry. But this kind of thinking means giving other people control over your life and sense of worth.

Your worth is not about where you are or whether you are married.

A person's sense of security comes from their parents and the marriage. If he lacked security in his original family, he will continue to "look for it" even after starting a family.

When you tell your partner that he doesn't love you, he says you're being unreasonable. This shows he has feelings and love for you, but expresses and shows it differently.

Communication is key. Talk to your partner about your feelings and listen to theirs. Work together to make your family happy and live a good life.

You and he have achieved your goals in different ways. You have kept your family together through hard work and saving money. He has kept his family happy by respecting his parents, getting along with his brothers, loving his wife and children, and supporting the family financially.

It's easy to lose yourself in marriage and family. You focus on your family and forget to take care of yourself.

You can read or listen to more books in your spare time. Search WeChat for content by Mr. Zeng Shiqiang on family, marriage, and mothers' self-growth. For example, "The Cultivation of Chinese Women" is a good choice.

You can also make more friends. By spending time away from your family, you can learn new things and feel more confident.

I hope this helps. I love you.

To continue the conversation, follow my personal page, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hello, question asker.

It's clear that when you have conflicts with your husband, you always take your mother-in-law's and your original family's side.

If your feelings are ignored, you will become very aggrieved and question whether it is

It's worth it.

I must confess that I am at a loss as to how to understand your comments about your husband.

You think he takes care of the family, but you feel he doesn't love you. It's contradictory.

From a traditional perspective, a man taking care of his family means loving his wife and children.

Your comments are contradictory to what you said about not loving you.

I'm going to explain it from a dynamic perspective. Why do you think your husband doesn't love you, and why do you think your mother-in-law doesn't like you?

Your perception of your husband and mother-in-law, and your belief that they don't love you, is likely a result of your own doubts and speculations.

This is called projection in psychology.

Let me be clear: it may not necessarily be what you say. It may be that you are projecting your own feelings of rejection onto

Your husband and mother-in-law will make you feel like they don't like you or love you!

Second place. There is a natural competitive relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law because after marriage, it means that a man must leave.

A woman who gave birth to her chooses another man as a partner. This is the only way a small family can develop healthily and benignly.

Any woman competing for a man's attention will activate the mother-in-law's subconscious separation anxiety.

This makes her feel that she is being betrayed by her son because of the presence of another woman. Therefore, the mother-in-law's

Excessive attention and care are likely to increase. The mother-in-law's overly intimate behavior towards her son

This will also activate the hostility of the daughter-in-law because she subconsciously believes that after marriage, the man belongs only to her, and any woman competing for

Her husband is a kind of seizure and plunder. It's a battle for a man, and it begins now!

Third, if the daughter-in-law has a tense relationship with her mother in her original family, it will undoubtedly affect her relationship with her mother-in-law after marriage.

Your relationship with your mother-in-law is important.

If the mother-in-law is slightly dissatisfied with the daughter-in-law, it will activate the daughter-in-law's early trauma from her relationship with her mother.

The daughter-in-law will unquestionably project her love and hatred for her mother onto her mother-in-law, and her prejudice against her mother.

This feeling will also be transferred to the mother-in-law, and she will undoubtedly feel that she is not liked by her mother-in-law.

She actually still thinks her mother doesn't like her.

In short, if you want to live in harmony with your husband, you must be aware of whether your perception and understanding of your husband and mother-in-law is accurate.

You need to ask yourself: is your perception and understanding a misunderstanding, your own projection and doubt?

You must let go of your prejudices and accept your husband and his family of origin to win their respect and acceptance.

Finally, I want to be clear that due to the limitations of the data, the above analysis is for reference only.

I am Consultant Yao, and I will continue to support and care for you!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

It's a simple fact that getting along with each other is about getting to know each other and strengthening the relationship. What some people don't realise is that the longer they spend together, the worse the relationship becomes. This is because they ignore the many problems that arise.

Frustration is the result of a long list of disappointments.

The question asker has low expectations for life. She believes her life with her husband is ordinary and normal, and that they will continue to live a normal life together as a small family. However, the more time they spend together, the more she realizes that her husband acts like he doesn't love her.

The questioner and her husband argue every time there is a conflict with his family. The husband never chooses to believe the questioner. He thinks that the questioner is being unreasonable. Between the questioner and his mother, he is more willing to believe his mother. This makes the questioner feel cold and disappointed in her husband.

Not all relationships are mutual.

The saying goes, "Love the dog and its owner." The questioner's mother-in-law was her husband's mother. The questioner tried hard from the beginning to maintain a good relationship with her. She was very understanding of her difficulties. However, the questioner's mother-in-law responded to her with various expressions of dissatisfaction. She even made things difficult for the questioner in a variety of ways.

When the questioner was about to get married, her mother-in-law made her son wait until she gave birth to a child before getting married. After the questioner gave birth by caesarean section, her mother-in-law made her live on the second floor because the first floor belonged to her husband's brother. She also made her husband force the questioner to help pay for the construction of the house.

It's time to stop making things difficult for other women. The questioner and her mother-in-law are not related by blood, yet they should understand how difficult it was for the questioner to marry into their family. Instead, they make things difficult for her at every turn, showing her status in the family.

A woman's status in the family is given to her by her husband. The reason the question asker's mother-in-law dares to treat the question asker this way is precisely because her husband is foolish and does not take action. He unconditionally believes in his own mother without the slightest concern for the question asker's feelings.

Is it worth it to sacrifice for your husband?

It's clear that couples with problems are the norm. Being able to detect problems in a relationship is not a bad thing. In fact, you can find a way to solve the problems and ease the relationship.

☀️Understand the problem: The husband of the question asker may not be outstanding in appearance, but he takes care of the family. This is likely what attracted the question asker, meaning that when you were living alone, the couple's lives were still relatively warm and harmonious. The reason why the relationship has deteriorated is due to the involvement and interference of the question asker's mother-in-law.

It is clear that the husband values his mother more than he values the questioner. The family atmosphere should be warm and welcoming, but the husband's behaviour towards his mother is foolish.

The main reason for the current state of the relationship between the questioner and her husband is the questioner's mother-in-law. The couple can improve and ease their relationship if they can live independently and have less interference from the questioner's mother-in-law.

☀️Learning together: The question asker's husband appreciates the difficulty of his own mother, and asks the question asker to be filial to his mother together. However, he forgets that the question asker is also the mother of his child, and it is just as difficult for her. He does not understand and appreciate the question asker in the same way.

He lacks experience in managing intimate relationships. The questioner doesn't know what approach would be better for dealing with the problems between husband and wife because she is unsure of how to manage intimate relationships. This is a problem that many couples face, and it is also a life topic that we need to keep learning about.

The question asker can persuade her husband more, and the couple can take a relationship management course together. They must understand that the life of a small family should not be interfered with or meddled in by others. This will also make the question asker's husband more aware of empathy and understanding of the question asker's difficulties. He will be able to better handle the conflicts between the question asker and her mother-in-law. He will stop taking sides and making the relationship worse.

☀️Value yourself: The questioner knows her own personality: down-to-earth and caring for her children. She has placed the focus on her family and children, and her silent dedication has made her husband's family take her for granted. In the face of her husband's family's behavior, the questioner's concessions and compromises have made them even more unrestrained. Her excessive dedication has made the questioner lack the time and energy to focus on herself and ignore the importance of valuing herself.

To improve her relationship with her husband, the questioner must learn to focus on herself, take care of her own emotions first, and learn to say no when she is in a difficult situation. If her husband is unable to face problems and solve them together with her, then she must give herself the confidence to face and solve them with confidence and courage.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to the questioner. Best of luck!

Dear friend, I can feel your confusion and exhaustion right now, and I'm here to help! It's completely normal to feel confused and hurt when facing the challenges in your marriage. In marriage, we expect to receive love, respect, and support from our partner. When these expectations are not met, we may feel disappointed and lonely. But don't worry! There are ways to turn this around.

The good news is that you can work through these issues together! The attachment your husband has to his mother, as well as his attitude towards you, may make you feel unappreciated and unloved. At the same time, the family conflicts and financial problems you mentioned are common challenges in marriage.

They may increase your stress and anxiety, but don't worry! You can take control and work through them.

Marital relationships are complex and involve many aspects such as emotions, communication, and expectations of family roles. This makes them an exciting and dynamic aspect of life! Your husband may have displayed a bias in handling family relationships due to his attachment to his mother, which is something you can work on together.

"Emotional attachment" is a wonderful thing! It refers to a strong emotional connection formed between an individual and an important other. Your husband's relationship with his mother may be very close, which to some extent affects his attitude and response towards you.

This is not to say that you are unimportant, but he may not yet have learned how to take care of his mother while also taking care of your feelings.

In a marriage, we often expect love to be reciprocal, and it's so exciting when our partner loves our family members as much as they love us! The problem you mentioned, "He doesn't love me," may involve the issue of emotional attachment.

The theory of emotional attachment suggests that the emotional connection an individual forms with their primary caregiver during their formative years can affect their future relationships. This is really fascinating! If your husband is emotionally more attached to his mother, this may affect his feelings for you.

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of family systems theory! This fascinating field of study posits that family members interact with each other in a complex system of interactions. In this system, the behavior and attitudes of each member affect the others.

Next, we'll dive into the topic of self-worth. From what you've shared, it's clear that you're a down-to-earth and hardworking woman who has made incredible contributions to your family.

Your self-worth is not based on the approval of others—it's based on your own amazing actions and inner qualities! Your dedication is worthy of respect, whether others are aware of it or not.

A marriage is a two-way street! It's all about mutual understanding and respect. When both partners contribute equally, it's a beautiful thing. But when one person's efforts are taken for granted while the other turns a blind eye, it can be tough to keep the relationship balanced.

You can absolutely try to communicate more deeply with your husband! Find a suitable time to have a frank conversation with your husband.

It's time to express your feelings! When communicating, try using "I" statements, such as "I feel..." to reduce the other person's defensiveness.

At the same time, you can also make some specific demands, such as hoping that when handling family matters, you can make decisions together as a team.

You can also take a relationship management course with your husband to learn how to better handle conflicts between spouses and avoid excessive interference in family relationships. This is a great opportunity for you both to learn and grow together! Through these studies, your husband can learn to put himself in our shoes and be more understanding of our difficulties, thereby improving our relationship with your mother-in-law.

And don't forget to take care of yourself! Your silent dedication is admirable, but it can easily put you in a passive position.

As you improve your relationship with your husband, it's also important to learn to value yourself and find your self-worth. You can do this by learning to say no and speak up for yourself. This will help you maintain your independence and dignity in your marriage.

Marriage is an amazing journey that requires joint efforts from both parties. It's a wonderful opportunity to work together hand in hand on the road of marriage and face the storms and troubles in life together!

Good day. I am Gu Daoxi Fengshou Slender Donkey, your Heart Exploration coach.

As someone who is also in a relationship, I empathize with the challenges you are facing. Please accept my condolences.

As the adage goes, "A man remains a boy until death," and this is particularly applicable to a man who is a mama's boy. The prospective bride is likely to face significant challenges and difficulties in her marriage to someone like this, as the mother or daughter-in-law will often assume primary responsibility for household matters and childcare. Without firsthand experience with the complexities of shared responsibility, it can be difficult for a woman to develop the independence and resilience she needs to thrive.

If you begin with a low profile, it may lead to being viewed negatively by the in-laws. For instance, if you become pregnant before getting married, it could be perceived as an indication that you are unable to live without your future in-laws, otherwise why would you put yourself through such a significant challenge?

Given that the mother-in-law has nurtured the husband, it would be reasonable for the husband to treat his mother well. However, it may be more advisable for the questioner to exercise caution if they use this as a reason to demand that their daughter-in-law be accommodating in every way.

It may be more advisable to spend a lifetime with someone whose values differ from your own, provided you can maintain your boundaries and bottom line. Blindly compromising may not win the other person's true trust and may be more about how you should behave.

My husband also exhibits some characteristics of a mama's boy. We experienced a challenging period of adjustment, and while I cannot definitively say that he has fully overcome these tendencies, there has been notable improvement.

The questioner may be able to take action to improve their position within the family unit.

While previously the questioner's approach may have been somewhat passive, they can now use the present as a starting point to redefine their intimate relationship and their relationship with the mother-in-law. They can determine their principles and bottom lines and maintain their position firmly, regardless of the circumstances.

In the presence of the maternal figure, it is crucial to avoid any criticism of the mother. The questioner should refrain from direct confrontation, as it may evoke an emotional response and place them in a disadvantageous position.

It is important to demonstrate vulnerability and allow the other party to empathize with the challenges of managing a household. Encourage them to take ownership of their role in the situation and share the responsibility. A family-oriented individual will not take extreme measures. By avoiding his core issue, you can maintain a peaceful resolution.

It is possible to overcome adversity through the use of strategic thinking. During the period when I was engaged in business interactions with his parents, neither his mother nor I had a high level of interest in him. Disputes arose, and the more he became involved, the more complex the issue became. Subsequently, he learned to maintain a neutral stance and refrain from taking sides.

It is recommended that, regardless of the strength of your personal relationship, you maintain a certain degree of financial independence and reserve some mental energy for self-care. This is the courage and confidence to retreat on your own. When all negotiations have failed to salvage the relationship, separation may be the most appropriate course of action.

As the adage goes, "A little kindness goes a long way." However, if you offer too much, the other party may take it for granted. It is important to recognize that all actions, including those of love or hate, have a reason behind them. If the other party does not value your gesture, it may be advisable to let them know that your care for them is not unconditional.

It is often said that one can discern a great deal about a mother-in-law after ten years and a great deal about a daughter-in-law after the same period. There is rarely any love or hatred between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law without a reason, but the man in between serves to link them.

As your own mother, your husband's filial piety is probably more than sufficient. However, whether you need to be filial depends on the affection between husband and wife. Whether this man deserves your unconditional kindness towards his mother depends on whether you can see through this. Perhaps then you will not be so inflexible.

It is important to distinguish between your own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of the heavens. It is not necessary to make concessions to make others happy, and people with biased worldviews will not change as a result of your efforts.

It would be beneficial to adjust your expectations of him and dedicate more time to self-care. By treating the other person with the same respect they show you, you can present a logical and well-founded argument, even if they are dissatisfied.

For further reading on this topic, please see the following titles: "How to Argue Properly," "Emotional Blackmail," and "The Courage to Be Disliked."

Best regards,

He should understand and acknowledge the dilemma and struggles you are facing. Your situation is indeed difficult, especially when you are pregnant and about to welcome a new life! This is a truly special time in your life, and you need the support and love of your husband and his family more than ever.

But from your description, I can see that you have the power to make things better!

First, your husband has the opportunity to be more considerate and caring towards you, especially when you are in trouble or conflict. He has the chance to side with you rather than his mother. This kind of behavior can help you feel more valued and supported, which is a great chance for growth.

Second, you mentioned that his mother doesn't like you either, and even after you got pregnant, her attitude towards you seemed cold and unfriendly. This relationship is undoubtedly a huge source of stress and burden for you. But you know what? You can totally turn this around!

Particularly during the confinement period, her attitude made you feel even more fired up and ready to take action!

On top of that, your husband doesn't seem to understand or respect your efforts and contributions. Instead, he complains that you're not contributing financially, which causes him to lash out and hurt you. But you know what? Your plight and suffering are totally understandable!

Facing such a dilemma, I can understand your confusion and pain. First of all, I think you need to stand firm in your position and values, and not give up your rights and dignity easily. But you can do it!

And you know what? As a wife and soon-to-be mother, you also have the right to receive the care and support you deserve!

Second, regarding the relationship between your husband and his mother, I'm sure he loves his mother very much. But as a husband, he also has a responsibility to balance the relationship between his wife and his mother. He should be able to consider things from your point of view and think about your family.

If he always takes his mother's opinion as the most important, then the problems between you will become more and more serious. But don't worry! You can try to communicate with him to make him understand your situation and feelings better, and also hope that he can handle family relationships more maturely.

And there's more! When faced with such a dilemma, you also get to think carefully and plan your own future. After all, marriage is a long-term choice, and your happiness and joy are also very important.

When you're facing conflicts between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and your husband's unclear attitude, don't fret! You can consider these exciting new perspectives to help you deal with the problem more clearly:

1. Self-reflection and positioning: First, you can examine your position and stance in the relationship. Determine your bottom line and principles, and clarify your needs and expectations. This is an exciting step because it allows you to take control of the situation and communicate your needs clearly.

This will help you express yourself more confidently and enable the other person to understand your position more clearly, which is great!

Example: Take a deep breath and think about what you want from the relationship and what you can do to make it work. When you know what you want and what you're capable of, you're ready to take the next step!

2. Rational analysis and resolution: When dealing with conflicts and problems, you can try to analyze the root causes and solutions from a rational perspective. Avoid emotional approaches and seek objective and rational solutions. This is where the magic happens!

Let's dive in and look at an example! You can analyze the specific situation of the conflict between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and your husband's unclear attitude. Once you've done that, you can find out the essence of the problem and then formulate a targeted solution. Let's say the conflict is caused by poor communication. You can resolve it through an open and honest dialogue! Or, if the problem is caused by unclear role positioning, you can redefine each other's responsibilities and expectations and reach a consensus.

3. Seek external support and advice: Sometimes we cannot solve problems independently, and that's okay! We can consider seeking advice and support from trusted friends, relatives, or professionals around us. They may give new perspectives and inspiration to help you better cope with difficult situations.

Example: You can talk to a close friend or relative and listen to their advice and opinions. You can also consider consulting a professional family relationship consultant or psychologist for professional help and guidance to find a more effective way to solve the problem.

I'm excited for you to try out these perspectives and methods! I really hope they'll help you gain a clearer understanding of the problem and find a solution that suits you. This will help you establish a healthier and more harmonious family relationship!

Finally, I want to say that no matter what choice you make in the end, I know you can face it bravely for your own happiness and peace of mind. Whether you choose to stay with your husband or leave, you need to have courage and firm conviction.

At the same time, I really hope you can seek the support of friends and family around you. They'll be so understanding and encouraging, and it'll have a really positive impact on you!

I truly hope you can find your own happiness and joy! And no matter what you choose, I really hope you can have confidence and hope in your life!

Hello. I can appreciate some of the feelings you're experiencing. It seems there's a discrepancy in how you perceive your husband's love for you compared to his love for your mother.

It seems that part of your conflict may have its roots in your relationship with his family. It may also be influenced by feelings of anger and resentment towards your husband for not loving you.

You say that you are a down-to-earth and hardworking woman, that you save and scrimp, take care of the children, and always have their best interests at heart. You can see that you are a family-oriented person, but your husband and parents are of one mind, which makes you feel a bit cold, and you also wonder if your efforts are worthwhile.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider whether you should continue to make an effort.

When you have a conflict with his family, you tell him about it, and you probably hope to get his understanding and comfort, to see that he understands your grievances and sadness. In his view, he may want to solve the problem, and may unconsciously deny it and hope to calm these conflicts.

This approach may lead to feelings of being misunderstood, as if you were looking for things. It's possible that there is a difference in thinking between men and women, which could benefit from further coordination and discussion.

When two people are building an intimate relationship, it's important to consider the state of affairs between them. Do they love each other?

Assuming that you can put aside the conflict with your in-laws, would you find your husband's treatment of you acceptable? Before you two have settled in well together, it might be worth considering that the involvement of your husband's family could potentially make things more complicated.

You mentioned that your husband is a family man, which I understand to mean that he prioritizes his own family. Could I suggest that you and his family consider maintaining a certain distance? I don't mean that you and his family are enemies, but rather that you and his family are individuals who your husband loves.

Your husband may find it challenging to reconcile these conflicts due to his personal abilities.

Perhaps you chose your husband for a reason. If you would like to improve your relationship, what might you do to make that happen?

I would like to suggest a book that I believe could be helpful for you: Zhao Yongjiu's "Five Abilities of Love." In an intimate relationship, it is possible to learn to first recognize your own emotions and needs, and then to learn to express them correctly, express your feelings, and express your requests to the other person.

Ultimately, with time and patience, you will gradually be able to understand your partner's needs and establish a healthy communication style.

I wish you the best.