How can I get my teenage daughter to call me Mom and Dad more often? It's so hard to change her.

Dear Lulu, I am honored to respond to your inquiry. The self-narrative indicates that after your daughter reached puberty, she and you experienced significant conflicts. This may be a retrospective account from your perspective as a mother.

If she does not alter her behavior in a timely manner and make an effort to modify her own conduct, cease to be overly critical and focus on her own affairs to a greater extent, there will be no discord at this time. However, my daughter is consistently disinclined to refer to me as "Mom" when she calls, merely stating, "Hey, I'm off from school. Hey, what's up?" This abrupt and impolite tone causes me distress.

On occasion, I advise him to articulate his needs and demonstrate affection. In your estimation, it is challenging to alter your daughter's behavior.

As she matures, her demeanor becomes increasingly stoic, and she displays less emotional expressiveness. She appears to lack the capacity to discern appropriate courses of action.

The most esteemed designation for a woman is that of motherhood. For a woman, the inability to nurture and protect her own children is a profound source of distress. When her daughter is reluctant to acknowledge her as a mother figure, it can lead to feelings of abandonment and isolation, which in turn can result in significant emotional distress.

This situation may result in feelings of lack of existence or worth in the eyes of one's daughter. Such feelings may be painful and confusing.

The data also indicates that the subject is attempting to alter her behavior, reduce her nagging, and minimize her interference, yet the outcomes remain insignificant. The objective is to diminish the physical and psychological distance between the subject and her daughter through her actions, thereby fostering a perception in the daughter that the boundary between them is not as rigid as it may appear, and to safeguard her physical and mental autonomy by refraining from using more intimate forms of address.

The process of growth is also a gradual process of breaking free from the control and constraints of one's parents in the original family unit. In other words, the less dependence in life, the more independent and free one is, and the stronger one's ability to solve problems and self-confidence.

During their growth, women first identify with their mothers, and then with their fathers. The question thus arises as to why women are most influenced by their fathers when choosing a marriage partner, and tend to seek out a partner of the opposite sex with similar personality traits as their fathers. After puberty, women must once again identify with their mothers. As women, they must also shoulder the historical mission assigned to them by society to cooperate with the role of women. To play a good role as a qualified woman, they still have much to learn from their mothers.

Due to the necessity of identifying with the father in the past, re-identification with the mother will encounter more interference. It is therefore imperative for mothers to promptly eliminate the interference of external factors on their daughters' identification with them, in order to facilitate this transition.

This will facilitate my daughter's future academic pursuits, enhancing their efficacy and enjoyment. I am gratified to have an appointment on 1983. I extend my affection to the world and to you.

Good day, question asker.

My name is Kelly Shui.

[My adolescent daughter doesn't like to call me "mom" or "dad." I'm wondering if you might have any suggestions for how I could change that?

From reading the original poster's words, I get the impression that some of the changes you've experienced since your daughter entered adolescence have caused you a little discomfort.

I believe we are all in a similar position as first-time parents, facing challenges in our relationships with our children. However, these experiences also present an opportunity for personal growth.

[About interaction]

I admire you greatly and I must admit that I am also a bit slow to learn as a mother. This is something that many of us can relate to. We often think that our children will understand us and communicate with us using our habitual thinking.

I believe that any kind of change is possible at any time. It just takes the willingness to start. It takes courage to change the way you get along and interact with others, but it is never too late to start.

It might also be helpful to be aware of our emotions during this time of change and effort.

Could I ask you to clarify whether, when you "stop nagging and mind your own business as much as possible," there are no conflicts anymore, or are they just not being seen?

For instance,

"My child never wants to call me 'mum' when he calls: 'Hey, I'm home from school. Hey, how was it?' and so on. It's a little disappointing when I hear those words with such a cold tone."

How would you proceed in this situation? Would you simply observe the challenge as it arises, or would you take action?

It might be helpful to remember that this process is quite normal. It could be beneficial for parents and children to communicate actively with each other, allow the child to express their thoughts, and be honest about how you feel.

I believe that this will gradually lead to a deeper understanding.

I believe that conflicts are not inherently negative. What matters is how we approach them.

After all, it is not realistic to expect that every family will be free of conflict. It may be helpful to consider that open and honest communication could be a constructive way to resolve any issues that arise.

[Regarding influence]

We can also view ourselves as teachers in our children's growth process. Could it be that our own idea of what is best for them is perhaps not entirely realistic?

Children born in the 2000s have a lot of unique qualities. They often engage in lengthy conversations with individuals they connect with and are comfortable expressing their emotions without forcing themselves to do so.

Perhaps we could start by becoming more aware of ourselves, doing what good parents should do, and when our children encounter relationship confusion, we could offer them timely help and guidance.

If the couple has a good relationship, shows love for each other, and communicates well, the children will learn this from you.

We believe that a family is also a system, and that excellent parents will influence their children. We are growing and learning, and our children are currently making us feel that "it's so hard to change them." If we insist on changing them, our children will also use this power to fight back.

It might be helpful to remember that adolescent children are somewhere between independence and non-independence. When you are aware and feel that your child is growing up and becoming less talkative and less sweet, it could be that this is precisely the time when they are growing up the fastest.

Perhaps we could start by accepting our current feelings, which may be uncomfortable, and caring for ourselves more, just as we would comfort a friend who has come to us for help.

Perhaps we could allow our daughter to be herself, little by little.

I believe that if you are a mother who is aware of yourself and willing to change, your child will feel your love.

Perhaps we could spend our free time reading more books and learning more about understanding children in adolescence.

We would like to suggest the following books for your consideration: "The Power of Self-Care," "You Are Your Child's Best Family," and "Key Companionship."

The physical and mental development of children during puberty is a fascinating time! It's a period of growth and change, where they feel their bodies have matured and they can speak and act like adults. They want the same rights and power as adults, and it's natural for them to have a strong sense of self-reliance and to want their own independent living space. At the same time, children are eager to try new things, but may find that they can't do many of them. They may doubt themselves and feel weak in terms of their ability to withstand frustration and pressure. But with more trust, support, encouragement, and help from their parents, they can build their self-confidence!

Children are not familiar with such conflicts and don't know what to do, so they can easily become anxious and restless. But there's good news! If there is also a poor relationship with the parents and many conflicts, the child will have the opportunity to develop towards the two extremes.

From the information described by the questioner, it seems that the questioner is very concerned about their child's education and has made many changes. While the results are not yet obvious, there is no doubt that the questioner is doing everything they can to give their child the best chance of success! Many parents think that if they control their children less, their children will be obedient and not rebel. This has been proven to be a "misunderstanding"—but it's an easy one to fix!

Ready to learn how to manage your child? First, you need to understand what it means to manage your child. Do they want to be managed by you? In family education, management has two meanings: discipline and guidance, and care, love, and attention.

Many parents confuse these two meanings, but there's no need to worry! Sometimes, when something requires parental guidance, parents might not provide it in time or the guidance might not be adequate. But this is easily fixed! Sometimes, when something requires parental attention, parents might not pay enough attention to it or provide enough care for the child in time. But this is something that can be easily improved with a little extra attention!

These inappropriate "controls" not only make children less aware of the rules, but they also hurt their feelings, which is when the problem the original poster encountered occurs.

Many children hope that their parents will "mind" them less. By "mind" they mean guidance and discipline, which is a kind of restraint for children and limits their freedom. So they hope that their parents will "mind" them less, which is great! Most children hope that their parents will pay timely attention to them and care for them, especially when they encounter major setbacks. When they express their opinions, ideas, and needs, they need to be respected, trusted, recognized, and accepted by their parents, which is wonderful!

As parents, it's also important to have your own principles. For example, you should never cross a red line when it comes to major issues. In particular, when it comes to breaking the rules, breaking the law, or showing disrespect for parents, you need to respond firmly, seriously, and promptly. This shows your child that what they did is not allowed, is not feasible, and is even more wrong. They'll also realize that they'll be severely punished and take responsibility for their mistakes. You can also give your child some freedom in small matters. For example, they can choose what clothes and shoes they like to wear. Just make sure you discuss the price of the clothes and shoes with your child and set a range. Anything that is outside of this range is not allowed. Anything below this range can be chosen freely!

This gives the child a wonderful balance of discipline and freedom. Of course, there will still be problems, but this is just one way of thinking. To apply it to every aspect of your life, you need to be flexible and adaptable—and you can be!

The questioner has the exciting option of finding a suitable psychological counselor for psychological counseling, or they can accept my counseling. They can choose for themselves! The above are personal opinions for the questioner's reference only.

Hello. I can tell you're sad and confused about your daughter's change in address. I can also see you have strong feelings for her. First, I want to give you a hug. I hope my answer is helpful.

You want to communicate with your daughter in a warm and intimate way, but her blunt tone makes you feel alone and misunderstood.

Teenagers are going through a tough time. They may seem rebellious or indifferent as they figure out who they are. But this doesn't mean they don't love you. They're just trying to find their own way.

They may hurt those close to them because they don't know how to express their feelings.

We can discuss ways to improve your relationship. I hope this helps.

Tell your daughter you want to hear a kinder way of addressing her.

Listen to her thoughts and let her express her feelings. Even if you don't understand her, listen so she knows you respect her.

Set goals together. Discuss and set small goals with your daughter, such as using kinder language in certain situations.

Be consistent in your daily interactions to let her know what you expect.

Be patient. Change takes time. Don't expect results immediately. Wait for her to adjust.

You can also seek help from a psychologist.

Adolescence is a tough time. Kids go through a lot emotionally. But that doesn't mean she doesn't care about you. Be patient and loving. Your relationship will get better with time. Hugs!

I hope this helps. I love you! ?