How can I handle the constant arguments between my parents due to my grandmother's house?

After the evening, I give you a 360-degree hug!

It's totally normal to feel confused and helpless about the situation in your family.

Grandma's family has been through a lot, and Mom has had to stand up for herself. Dad has spent a lot of money on his illness, and now Grandma is sick, so there's the question of how to take care of her.

The family doesn't have any money, but Dad is still willing to lend it to Auntie! You don't know how to take care of Grandma or persuade Dad, but you will learn!

I totally get where you're coming from. I can see how you're feeling confused and helpless. But here's the thing: no matter how hard you try, you probably won't be able to make a decision about these things that are troubling you.

You are still a student, which means you have the opportunity to gain more authority in the family. Even if you have a good plan, no one else will listen to you—not your uncles, aunts, grandparents, or even your father. But you can gain the authority and power you need to make your plan a reality!

Your father, knowing that the family has no money, still borrowed money for his sisters. I guess it's useless even if your mother objects, and you object too. It's a very realistic problem. You don't have the strength. You're still in school, and you still need to spend the family's money. But guess what? You can do this! You can take care of your mom and dad, and you can accept your dad's behavior. You can study hard, and you can take care of your sisters. You can do it all!

And you probably don't even have time to take care of your father, but that's okay! He has no reason to listen to you.

It's a tough situation, but you've got this! The best thing you can do is focus on doing your best in school. Who knows, maybe when you graduate and start earning money, you'll have more leverage in the family. In the meantime, you've got to study hard, take care of your mom and dad, and accept your dad's behavior. You've got this!

You may even get to support your father's behavior!

There's not much you can do right now, but there's so much you can do in the future! This is a reality you need to accept, and then you can start planning for all the amazing things you'll do next.

Then go and do the most important learning you can master!

I am often a Buddhist and a pessimist, but I'm also an occasionally positive and motivated counselor! And I love you, the world!

I can see your helplessness in your writing, but as your teacher, I'm limited in what I can do to help. It's a difficult situation to watch unfold.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with respecting your elders. Regardless of how your grandmother treated your mother, that is a matter for the elders, and you are a generation apart. I would like to take a moment to go over some of the current situation and offer my opinion.

First, your father is very kind to his siblings. He believes that as the eldest brother, he should take care of them, so he would rather inconvenience his wife and children and borrow money for them. In my opinion, this could be perceived as foolish filial piety.

Perhaps he has overlooked the fact that you need to take care of your own little family before you can take care of everyone else. It's also worth noting that siblings are all adults with their own families.

Perhaps it would be helpful to clarify his responsibilities and roles. It seems that he has a lot on his plate, and it might be beneficial to re-examine his priorities.

Secondly, I believe the advice provided by your family may also be a viable option. It seems that 2,000 per month is shared among a few individuals.

Third, your parents are in the countryside, and their financial resources may be relatively limited. It would be beneficial to consider ways to increase your income.

Your parents are not that old, so they might consider working as domestic help in the city, which could be a good source of income. It just depends on whether they are willing to do it.

Fourth, you are now a junior, so while you are studying hard, you might consider using your spare time to work part-time on campus. This could be a valuable life experience. Rebirth in adversity is a rare quality, so it's important to embrace challenges. Also, it's worth exploring ways to generate income.

I firmly believe that there are always more solutions than problems. I wish you the best of luck!

Hi, I'm Shu Ya Qingzheng, and I'd like to share some thoughts and offer you some support.

My parents always argue, and it's always about my grandmother's family. After my father's operation, he still wants to help his younger sister take care of my grandmother, who is paralyzed. It seems that my aunt has the final say. Do you feel a bit suffocated for your parents? Take care.

You can take the time to think about how you're feeling and what you need, and you can get help from a psychologist if you want to improve yourself and grow.

01: Your father is unwell and in debt, and he needs help and support from his family, while you are still studying. It seems that your aunt not only did not help financially, but also borrowed money from your father, which is a bit awkward.

It would be great if they could see the difficulties your family is facing and offer some help and support. For example, they could take the initiative to support your family financially or not ask your father to take care of your grandmother for now, so you can also feel the warmth and support of family love.

It seems they hadn't really thought about helping, but they might have been having a tough time and needed care too. So, it was probably too much to expect them to achieve.

02. I'm not sure if you were with your father during his surgery. Perhaps you were with your mother and stayed by your father's side the whole time, providing him with a lot of support and care. Or maybe you couldn't stay by your father's bedside because of your studies.

All of this is based on your own situation and your own responsibilities, as well as your own support and love for your family.

So after his illness and surgery, your father still wants to help his younger sister, who's having a harder time, and take care of his mother. That's just what he's supposed to do.

I think we can say that your father has done a pretty good job in this area.

Taking care of your own family, your wife and children, and your father are all your responsibilities. Don't you feel like your father doesn't take care of your feelings and needs and your mother's first?

So, if your father can take care of your grandmother, give him your support. When it comes to the specifics, they can hash it out as siblings.

This is something the siblings need to work out.

As the son of the father, you can talk to him about your inner feelings and needs. This will help him understand that the person who can best help him and stand by his side is his wife.

At the same time, it's important to listen to his feelings and thoughts and explore ways that both the mother and the child can accept this, rather than causing them to feel morally kidnapped and aggrieved.

As for the problems between mom and dad, you can suggest that they solve them through good communication. Maybe arguing has become their way of getting along, and how they handle it is also a form of love. Let them experience and handle it; it's their issue.

03. As we grow up, we all have expectations of ourselves and others. Some of these expectations are reasonable, while others may be too high.

Right now, we need to learn to let go of some unfulfilled expectations or adjust our expectations to a level we can accept or achieve.

For instance, you might want to scale back on your expectations of your aunts and their ideas of helping and caring for your family.

If your dad's still recovering from his illness, you could suggest to your aunts that they take care of him for half a year. Then, once he's recovered, he can take care of your grandmother.

Have some beautiful expectations and be brave enough to try and break through, because we all deserve to encounter a better version of ourselves. This is your own personal topic, and you need to keep exploring and growing.

Everyone's behavior is driven by their own feelings and needs. Understanding these aspects is key to personal growth and psychological development. It requires constant self-learning and self-awareness.

Best regards!

I really hope I can help you.

I'm a heart exploration coach at Yi Xinli. If you'd like to keep in touch, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd be happy to chat with you one-on-one.

Good day, classmate. I can discern the confusion you are currently experiencing, and I extend to you a gesture of comfort.

The situation you are currently facing is one of familial discord. I offer you my support and encouragement once more.

I am unsure if you have previously read the book A Thought's Turn.

As the book states, there are three fundamental categories of concern in this world: our own affairs, the affairs of others, and the affairs of a higher power.

Given that you are currently in your third year of university, it is imperative that you prioritize your studies and strive for academic excellence.

With regard to the ongoing disagreements between your parents regarding the care of your grandmother, it is advisable to refrain from involvement.

It is evident that both mother and father are adults and will undoubtedly address the matter of their grandmother's affairs.

Naturally, should your father have solicited your input regarding the disposition of Grandma, you are at liberty to proffer your opinion.

If the father did not solicit your input, it is likely that he and the mother will address the matter between themselves. There is no need for you to be overly concerned.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to identify an effective solution to the problem you are currently facing in the near future.

At this juncture, I am only able to consider these matters.

It is my sincere hope that my responses will prove both helpful and inspiring to you, my esteemed colleague. I am the answer, and I dedicate myself to rigorous study on a daily basis.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to the world and to you. Best wishes!