How can one achieve a correct self-perception when unable to let go of the feeling of being praised as outstanding during adolescence?

Hello, I'm Mu Rong.

You learned about your own excellence from external evaluations, but then you discovered you were not as good as others said. This made you disappointed and sometimes held back. Now, you hope to no longer be influenced by external evaluations and to correctly perceive yourself.

Erikson's theory of psychological development in eight stages says that people will face identity and role confusion during adolescence. Children at this stage enter society and begin to face social demands. They need to establish a new sense of unity in their self-evaluation and the evaluation of others. If self-evaluation and the evaluation of others are different, it will cause conflict.

You probably faced the same situation in junior high. People praised you for being outstanding, which shows you were really outstanding at that time. But you seemed to have no expectations, which means you didn't agree, right? The feelings of pride, excitement, and expectation brought by external evaluation seem to have slowly made you believe that you are just as others say.

Secondly, you seem unsure of your own opinion. In high school, you thought being the center of attention and being different were signs of excellence. Later, you thought excelling at work, having good relationships, and marrying well were signs of excellence. You seem to see your definition of excellence changing. If you can't live up to this standard, you are not excellent.

Think back to what you thought about yourself. What were your strengths and weaknesses?

What were your feelings when you first heard an outside evaluation? Did it affect you?

How did your parents feel about other people's opinions of you?

You like being praised. What does that feel like?

What does this feeling bring you? Is there another way to get this feeling?

If you want excellence and value, what can you do?

I hope this helps.

I empathize with your current state, which I imagine is somewhat disappointing.

From your description, I can see that you have some concerns about yourself. It seems that you are a little disappointed in yourself.

You feel that you may not possess all of the qualities you believe are outstanding. Your dissatisfaction with yourself makes you feel disappointed.

On the other hand, you may feel a little disappointed with the people around you. It seems that you have expectations about the way the people around you judge you.

You anticipate that they will recognize you, but you don't always receive the evaluation you expect.

It seems you may be feeling a little lost.

Your question is: How might one cultivate a positive self-image? I actually want to give you a compliment first, because the way you ask the question shows that you have already given a lot of thought to how you should view and recognize yourself.

From your description of the problem, it seems that in your past experiences, you placed a great deal of importance on the opinions of others. If they complimented you, you felt happy; if they were negative, you felt down.

In light of this, I feel compelled to offer you a hug. I sense that you may be a young child who, due to the challenges of forming a solid sense of self-assurance and confidence, may find comfort in the opinions of others.

Perhaps we could discuss ways to help you see yourself from your own perspective and hear the voice of yourself inside?

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to try to get to know yourself better. Spend some time thinking about yourself, as if you were a friend.

It can be helpful to take some time to understand your own characteristics and strengths. When you find yourself looking at yourself through the eyes and voice of others, it can be a sign that you might benefit from taking a closer look at yourself.

It can be challenging to identify your strengths and weaknesses. One way to gain insight is to observe how others perceive you. When you understand yourself well, you can view yourself with the same objectivity you use to view others. This allows you to recognize your own strengths as well as those of others.

The second piece of advice is to try to accept yourself. When you can understand yourself, it may be helpful to accept yourself.

It is important to recognize that all of our traits, whether we perceive them as positive or negative, are an integral part of who we are. Appreciating our strengths while accepting our weaknesses is a crucial step in developing an objective understanding of ourselves.

The third piece of advice is to encourage and affirm yourself. When you see your strengths, it would be beneficial to appreciate yourself from the bottom of your heart. Similarly, when you discover your shortcomings, it might be helpful to encourage yourself to try to change.

For you, self-acceptance is an important aspect of your life. Developing this skill can help you form a more stable self-image.

It is my sincere hope that the above suggestions will prove inspiring to you.

I am a heart exploration coach at Qianqian's Realm. If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello, question asker!

After reading your question, I really understand your dilemma. First, I'll give you a big, warm hug!

Let's dive into the exciting world of your challenges! 1. As a child, I had trouble dealing with high praise from others in an objective and rational way.

1. As a child, I was eager to receive high praise from others, but I didn't always know how to handle it objectively and rationally.

2. In high school, I loved living in the praise of others and hoped that others would look up to and admire me too much. I was so excited to create this perfect persona of myself!

3. In college, I made the exciting discovery that I was just an ordinary person! I didn't want to give up my amazing self-image, which is really strong.

4. After starting work and getting married, they are unable to accurately and objectively position themselves. This is an exciting challenge! They are living in the comments of others and are looking for ways to find themselves.

Let's dive into the problem analysis!

1. When the questioner was young, he/she had the chance to discover the best way to handle praise from others, enjoy praise from others, and establish a perfect image of oneself. Over time, whenever there is a problem, he/she has the opportunity to be critical of himself/herself, pursue perfection in everything, bear heavy psychological pressure, and live in the evaluation of others.

2. It's time to take a good, hard look at yourself! You need to figure out who you are and what you want. It's time to stop letting others define you. You have to create your own persona. You have to give yourself a chance to grow. You have to take the time to reflect on your life and hear the true and sincere comments of others.

3. You have a lot of internal mental wear and tear, and you can't go out on your own. The more you get involved, the deeper you get. On the one hand, others can't objectively evaluate you, and you long for understanding and love. But you can break out of this vicious cycle!

Now for some great analysis and solutions!

(1) Take a deep breath, love yourself unconditionally, and recognize both your strengths and your weaknesses. You've got this!

(2) Admit your own shortcomings and step out of your comfort zone!

(3) You can find some friends to objectively evaluate you, including your strengths and weaknesses. Asking someone to point out your problems is a great way to get to know yourself!

(4) Live a little more realistically, try to praise and appreciate others as much as possible, and dilute your self-centered sense of personal awareness.

(5) Kick those unnecessary internal self-defeating thoughts to the curb! Don't overthink, and get out there and practice!

(6) Get out there and meet new people! Join more social circles and you'll quickly see where you stand.

I really hope my answer helps you out! The world and I love you ♥

Hello!

I can see how unhappy you are about the gap in your self-perception. Let's look at your situation:

From elementary school to junior high school, you were told you were very good, but you didn't think so. This made you think you were an outstanding girl. You then went to university and discovered you were even more ordinary. Later, you were working and thinking about getting married. You discovered you were very ordinary, but you also longed for the praise you got in the past. This made you feel troubled and sad.

Erikson's theory of psychosocial development says that adolescence is when we develop our identity. If you understand yourself better, you will feel more comfortable with who you are. If you don't understand your role, you may feel confused and distressed.

You might have been confused by a difference between how others see you and how you see yourself. This might have led to problems in the next stage of your life.

I had a similar experience, but I adjusted and found what I was good at. I'll share it with you. From elementary school to university, we gradually expand our knowledge and meet more outstanding people.

Maybe in your original small environment, you really were outstanding, but the larger the platform, the more outstanding people you will come into contact with. It is not that you have become ordinary, but that you are surrounded by outstanding people and everyone has made progress together.

You can see this problem now, which shows you have a strong sense of self-awareness. Re-examine and evaluate yourself. You may not be the best, but you have your own strengths and talents. Accept that you are ordinary and find happiness in it.

Accept yourself, and you'll like yourself. As you grow, you'll see things clearly and stop comparing yourself to others.