How can you determine if your family has started scheming against you, not trusting what your mother says?

Hello! I'm Good Will Hunting, a national second-level psychological counselor.

After reading your account with great interest,

I can tell you're going through a lot right now. It's hard to believe what your mother says, isn't it? How can you tell when your family is already plotting against you?

You are the eldest sister in your family, and you were not in a very good mental state before. As a result, even though you have received treatment, the problem still exists and irritates you because the family conflict has not been resolved. The word "scheme" means that you already distrust any family member—and that's okay!

Your parents have been separated for ten years, but they have not divorced. It feels like they are just getting by, keeping each other in check for the sake of the children and alimony, which means they're still together!

You are now by your mother's side, and your emotions are all over the place. She has now said that she loves you most and will never leave you. She has proven this to you many times, and you know she's got your back.

You feel that while she says she loves you, she is actually harming you. You have always been her emotional dumping ground. She tried to keep Dad around by having your brother when their relationship was already on the rocks. She gives you the impression that she wants you to take care of your brother more, that you are the older sister, and what she says sometimes makes you feel like she is just being polite and telling you to behave, to stay at home and do the housework and cook for your brother.

You've always wanted to learn a trade, and your mother has been supportive of that goal! She's been keeping an eye on things and has seen that you're doing really well in your job search, thanks to your father's connections. She's proud of you and wants to make sure you're taken care of.

.

Once we got that sorted, I tried to connect with you. It seems like you're ready to have your own life, not live for your mother and your younger brother. Have you thought about learning a trade?

I don't know how old you are, but I know you're amazing!

You are your own master, and you can call the shots in your own life!

If you are determined from the heart to do what you want to do, you can't be influenced by others! How do you feel?

I'm so excited to share this with you! I really hope it'll be helpful. Please feel free to leave a comment if you have any questions.

Dear Question Asker, After reviewing your text, I extend my sincerest sympathies and offer my support.

The subject stated that her parents have been separated for a decade. They did not divorce, but rather cohabitate, feeling as though they are merely getting by, maintaining each other's oversight for the sake of the children and alimony. The subject's mother gave birth to her younger brother in order to retain her father's affections, despite the fact that their relationship was already strained.

From this description, it is evident that the parents are experiencing difficulties in their relationship. This is not a reflection of your personal shortcomings. Rather, it is a matter that pertains to the dynamics of the couple, which may be influenced by factors such as communication challenges or differing values.

Secondly, you stated that your mother desires for you to assume a greater role in caring for your younger brother. She provided an analysis, indicating that she secured a favorable position through her father's connections and is concerned about losing your younger brother's attention and stability. Based on this description, it can be inferred that your mother seeks to maintain a unified front with you and your younger brother.

Additionally, one can discern a certain confusion and helplessness within the subject's emotional state. The provision of a further embrace may prove beneficial in this regard.

Furthermore, how do you respond to passive aggression?

The answer is to listen. In general, individuals engaged in conflict tend to have three primary intentions: to persuade the other party, to release their emotions, and to fulfill their need to express themselves.

What are the underlying motives of the mother in this situation?

It is important to avoid judging the other person or jumping to conclusions. Instead, one should guide the other in a more gentle tone and assist them in expressing their thoughts and feelings in a complete and uninhibited manner. It is essential to remember that the objective is to resolve issues, not to exacerbate conflicts.

Ultimately, it is essential to articulate one's thoughts and feelings with clarity. If the desire to learn is present, it is never too late to commence the process. It is vital to attain a state of composure, to record one's genuine thoughts and emotions, and to identify an opportune moment to engage in a constructive dialogue with one's mother.

As individuals, it is imperative that you exercise autonomy in your thoughts and actions.

However, it is first necessary to pose three questions to oneself:

1. What is the subject that I wish to express?

2. What is the desired outcome?

3. What arguments can be advanced to support the topic and facilitate the desired outcome?

If one is able to ascertain the responses to these three inquiries, it is possible to express oneself in a more effective and precise manner. It is this author's recommendation that the reader consult the book entitled "The Art of Conversation," which may assist in providing the necessary insight.

Should further professional advice be required, the platform also offers the option of connecting with a listener or psychologist. Best wishes for success in your endeavours; I am confident that a solution will be found.

Your parents are separated, and you have a younger brother. Your mother's ostensibly benevolent statements now evoke the image of a concealed weapon beneath a seemingly innocuous smile. She asserts that her actions are motivated by a desire to serve your best interests, yet her actions suggest otherwise, indicating that her primary objective is to advance her own plans.

The subject reports feelings of mistrust, insecurity, and manipulation.

It is imperative that these feelings are genuine.

My mother desires for me to assume responsibility for my younger brother's care, yet she fails to explicitly convey this expectation. Why does she feel compelled to be so courteous?

Given my mother's preference for me to secure a stable position and her apparent disinclination towards vocational training, her assertion that she does not wish to see me seems incongruous. It is difficult not to perceive a lack of trust in my abilities.

It appears that there is a great deal of significance attached to the words uttered by my mother, and a considerable amount of information is withheld from me.

Please describe your emotional state in response to this situation.

Do you perceive your mother to hold you in low regard? Does it appear as though your mother believes you are not equipped to confront the truth?

Do you experience feelings of anger and humiliation?

It is somewhat disconcerting to be treated with a lack of sincerity and to be coddled.

It would be beneficial to consider your own self-perception.

Do you exhibit the same degree of emotional vulnerability as your mother suggests, rendering you unable to accept the truth?

The question thus arises as to whether the desire is for the mother to reveal the truth or for her to concur with the son's views.

While a great deal of discussion has been devoted to the subject of the mother, it is important to maintain a focus on the individual in question.

What are your aspirations?

For example, would you prefer to remain at home and assume responsibility for the care of your younger brother?

Should one wish to assume responsibility for the care of a younger sibling, it is likely that one derives pleasure from this role and that it aligns with one's mother's expectations. Conversely, if one is not inclined to assume this responsibility, one may decline the proposed arrangement and pursue alternative avenues.

As an illustration, would you be interested in learning a trade?

Should one desire to learn a trade, it would be advisable to persuade one's mother to provide financial support and allow one to dedicate time and energy to this pursuit. It is possible to find a way to circumvent one's mother's opposition.

One might inquire as to the motivation behind the mother's actions.

It is evident that mothers are reluctant to relinquish their parental responsibilities and would prefer to maintain a lifelong proximity to their offspring.

It requires considerable fortitude for a mother to allow her child to embark on an independent journey, and not all mothers possess the courage to confront the potential for separation from their children.

This is why mothers are often fearful when they endeavor to enhance their own personal growth and achieve a greater degree of autonomy, as it signifies the potential for the child to transition from a state of dependency to one of independence. Mothers must also adapt to the changes that accompany their own personal growth.

This is a mandatory topic for discussion for the mother.

It is recommended that you concentrate on your own goals and issues, and that you facilitate the mother's return to her own issues. Best wishes for success!

Hello! I'd like to extend a warm hug from afar to you.

It may be helpful to recognize that your parents' marital discord has potentially contributed to a sense of inner insecurity and a lack of trust in your parents.

Allowing and accepting yourself may prompt you to question what your mother said. It can be challenging to believe this, particularly when it comes to your perception of your parents' continued state of marital discord, especially when your parents have not divorced but have been separated for a long time. This can lead you to feel that the people closest to you are actually cheating on each other. Additionally, your mother's consistent expression of love, while admirable, may not align with her actions, which can make you feel a lack of love and acceptance. Her inconsistency between words and actions not only makes it challenging for you to feel her love, but it can also erode the trust you had in her.

It seems that your mother is preventing you from pursuing your favorite craft and now she is also preventing you from taking a relatively good job. She says she misses you and is worried about you, which makes it challenging for you to emotionally make the decision and choice to leave her. You may feel a strong sense of guilt and blame yourself for letting her down after all these years of "love." However, if you choose to stay by her side, you may not feel her love at all, which could make you think that family members may be "scheming" with each other.

It may be the case that your mother treats you in a way that makes you feel like her emotional trash can, or that she interferes with your life choices and decisions. This could be because she did not receive the emotional acceptance, understanding, and support from your father that she needed in their intimate relationship. When she is not aware of her own unmet needs in the marriage, she may unintentionally project her inner emotional needs that have been unmet onto you, because you are the safest object for her to express negative emotions. This means that even if you are dissatisfied with her verbal behavior, your resistance will not make her feel uneasy, fearful, or threatened.

It would be beneficial for her to recognize and address the emotional and emotional support she lacks in her marriage and intimate relationships. She may find it helpful to keep a mood diary to record her emotions in a timely manner. This could assist her in managing her emotions more effectively, becoming aware of them, experiencing and feeling them, and exploring the underlying needs behind them. It could also help her sort out her emotions more clearly. This could be a way for her to have a dialogue with her inner self, to connect with it, and to cultivate her self-awareness and self-care of her emotions.

It might also be helpful to try to repair the traumatic experiences you had inside yourself after your parents' marriage broke up, especially your inner certainty of whether you are loved. This could help you to rebuild your inner sense of security and trust in your parents. When you have a clear awareness of these traumatic parts of yourself, you might like to try to re-nurture yourself by actively learning some psychological knowledge under the guidance of this self-awareness, and treat yourself in the way you long to be treated by your parents. For example, you might like to respect your true physical and emotional feelings, try to respond in a timely and appropriate manner, especially when the verbal behavior of others makes you feel uncomfortable, and try to honestly and bravely express your true feelings at that moment, and how you long to be treated.

You might find it helpful to read "The Family of Origin," "The Neglected Child," and "A Life Not Controlled by Parents."

I hope that my sharing can be of some support and help to you.

Hello, question asker. I see you're confused. I'm here to help.

You have family problems. I'm here for you.

Let's look at the problem.

1.) It's not your fault your parents didn't divorce.

Your parents have been separated for ten years and can't get a divorce, but they still live together and pay child support.

It's not your fault.

You pick up your mother's emotions.

If someone catches our emotions, we see them as trash.

Why don't you believe your mother? What did she do?

2.) The mother thought a younger brother would help her fix her relationship with your father.

Your mother didn't do this on purpose.

She probably thought a baby brother would fix their relationship, but it didn't.

Parents always see their children as children. Your mother wanted to keep you by her side.

When I was 40, my mother wouldn't let me and my husband live with her in Shanghai. She knew she was unwell but never got help. At the time, I couldn't accept it, but I came to realize that it was God's will that I learn to be independent. I had been protected by my mother since I was a child.

3.) Why you feel insecure

This may be related to your relationship with your mother.

Your mother might have ignored you when you cried as a baby.

This made you feel insecure and anxious.

4. Other ways to get help

If you're still confused, see a counselor.

A consultant can give you useful advice without being critical.

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

That's all I can think of.

I hope my answer helps and inspires you. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!